love my family through better communcation (hyang hee kim)

Love my family through Better Communication

1st Feb. 2015 / South London

1.Family = school of love

2.Parents to Children 3.Children to parents4.Practice at home

communication

천성경 제 5 편 참가정 , 4 장 2 절

The family is the most im-portant school of love in our life. The education of the emotions that only parents can provide equips children with depth and breadth of heart. This is the corner-stone upon which children’s character is built.


The family is also the school in which virtues and princi-ples are taught. Children should receive intellectual, physical and technical edu-cation upon this foundation of emotional and principled education. This is the heav-enly way.



communication

Video - parenting

What Kind of fa-ther

do you want to be?or

Did you want to be?

A father who loves his children’s

mother.


What is it that parents should give to their children while educating them? Edu-cation should not be about knowledge but rather about love. Both father and mother should teach how to become one by loving one another. They should be-come a father and mother with whom god is pleased,


and the mother and father should be pleased with one another. At the same time, they should strive to be parents whom their children like; then the children will want to make their parents proud of them. This is how parents should educate their children.

Love my family through

better communica-tion

The Parents’ word

• One of the strongest tools for contributing to children’s character • One of the best way to solve

children’s problem.

Emotional Intelli-gence

Do you love to talk to your parents?(Young People)

ScoldingLecturing

Not listening

Scolding?

No control of emotions → scolding

When children get a bad score at school • Is there anything that you are

good at?!• Is this all you can do?!• You’re stupid!• I give up, You can’t do anything.

Controlling emotion?

Bottling up

Hiding

ReactingExplod-

ing

What is controlling emotion?

To use the emotion I am feeling now, in a purpose-

ful correct way.

Emotion

Happy Sad

An-gry

The purpose of communication

• To comfort children’s heart• To give courage and confi-

dence • To give wisdom

• To keep an open relationship with children*

Better communicationWhen they have bad score at school • You must be very sad and sorry...• It doesn’t mean that you won’t get better.

Your effort never lost. It will definitely come back. • If you tell me what I can do, I want to try

harder to help you as well.• You must be very tired and sad, have good

rest and lets think about it together later.

Closing your heart → scolding

Mum and Daughter Arguing D : I hate you mum!M : How dare you say that to your mum! Do you know how much sacri -fi ce I have made for you?!D : I’ve never asked for it!

Better communicationMum and Daughter Arguing M : Sorry for telling you off harshly. But I felt really sad when you spoke to me like that.D : I am sorry. I didn’t mean it. M : I know. You did it because you felt angry.

Interrupting → scoldingMum and Daughter TalkingM : How was school? Did something happen?D : Nothing (Upset).M : Please tell me, something happened to you right? D : Do you really want to know? Well...my friend Clara!! I hate her! I want her to die!M : What? How could you say that? Don’t speak like that in front me!D : Forget it! I can’t talk to you Mum.

Better communication

Recognise her feelings

Comfort/empathise with her.

Solving problem only → scolding

Mum and Daughter TalkingD : I got told off by my teacher for not bringing my homework. I finished it but I forgot to bring it..

M : I told you to pack your bag the evening before! Please listen to me for once!

Better communicationMum and Daughter Talking M : You feel upset because you got punished al-though you did your homework.D : Yes the teacher didn’t even want to listen what I had to say. M : How frustrating...(reading her emotion) But you know.. The teacher had to do that. Because its a rule to make it fair for everyone.D : yeah.. I understand...Next time, I will pack my bag as soon as I finish my homework!

Why do we tell chil-dren off?

Because we love them! But...

Hope → GreedAttention → interference

Support → control

Better communication

• Control our emotions• Understand from our children’s

view• Let them explain first • Tell them clearly, to the point and

one thing at a time.• Explain their options and

choices• Tell them in a way they can

understand



communication

Video - Matilda

What would you do

if you had parents like this?

Truth is...• Parents never been parents

before. • They do love me so much.• No matter what, they are my

parents.

• My student’s story…

Video – parent and child


To love our parents is to love heaven and earth to love our children is to love humankind to love material things is to love the whole uni-verse.


We have to love our par-ents children and material things in our daily lives. These together are the microcosm of the uni-verse. We have to set this tradition in our family.



communication

Practice at home • Purpose of communication → To keep an open relationship• Control our emotions• Understand from parents’/ chil-

dren’s view• Set heavenly tradition in the

family

Thank you!

love my family through better communcation (hyang hee kim)

Spiritual