UNVEILING THE SHROUD OF SECRECY: THE SILENCING OF CHILD SEXUAL

ABUSE AND ITS RELATIONSHIP TO THE DEVELOPMENT OF EATING DISORDERS

Lisa Hodge

Supervisors: Dr Sarah Wendt & Dr Lia BryantSchool of Psychology, Social Work & Social Policy

The MonsterWithout a place to hide

Where do I stand?Still I see the monster,

Though my head is in the sand.No refuge do I find

On land or sea,It follows me through all the Earth,

My spirit never freed.I pray it will depart

With forceful hands,But only force its footing

Even deeper where it stands.And though I curse it,Praying it will leave,

The only creature truly cursedBy what is said is me.

No hit will make it weak,No glare less bold.

Yes, hate just makes it strongerAnd more frightful to behold.

And though an angry bidFor help I cry,

No weapon to defeat itCan my weary mind surmise.

No, when I struggleHarder in it’s hold,

Its grasp around me tightens;Blackened soul to skin we mould.

Then gutless do I fallIn its cold eyes.

There is no earthy creatureThat my soul doth more despise.

An echo of the dark from whence it came,It seeks out naive innocence

And bleeds from blackened veinsWith soft endearing eyes

That snare and scold,Soft lips that form soft words

And hide the judgments that it holds.

With golden furThat poisons as it pains,And Glistening teeth that

Leave a bloodied trail of hopes remains.Beneath its mighty claws

My bones do foldAs if I, made of paper,

Have not spine, nor will, nor soul.With sweet, alluring scent

It draws you inThen drowns you helpless victim,

In the ocean of its sin.I try to shield my eyes,

To look away.But shadows do not hide the face

That haunts me every day.Run, poor victim,

From the dark disguiseThat hides a baleful, rancid heart

Behind two kindly eyes.Taunting death, do not

Decide to stay,Please hear me this, I will apprise;

From ally comes its prey.Hidden underneath,The monster waits

‘Till as approaching freedom’s door,It rears its monstrous face.

A serpent with a tongueTo charm the Saints,

And graceful hands that draw in close,Then choke the one it baits.

A face known all too well,And one I hate.

When first I saw it why did INot flee with reckless haste?

There is no other monsterWith such wiles

As that which stalks the mirror.It gleams at me. It smiles.