lift magazine 19-2

VOLUME 19 / ISSUE 2

Magazine

Zealous Revolutionists

Be the Change

Third Annual

GiveBack November 6th

Summer 2010

FITNESS Balancing

Act

On the CoverCapernaum Southwind Summer 2010 Flying high

2

3

Editor’s Letter

6

Fitness

9

Outdoor Adventures

10

Mom’s Moments

12

Sibling Sidelines

14

The Lighter Side

16

Community Lifts

18

Dad’s Den

20

A Parent Thought

22

Caregiver Conversations

24

Life on the Horizon

www.liftdisability.net

regular features

3www.liftdisability.net

So it’s hot! Naturally, it’s summer. Besides the actual temperature, there are many things heating up in the world of disability. For many organizations this is the busiest time of

year. This is my favorite time of year because we get to partner with some of the camping programs across the country.

Nothing is more exciting than zipping across the water on an inner tube, swinging from the ropes high above the trees, catching your first fish or most importantly, finding a friend in Jesus. For some of us these things are done without much thought. But for a person with a disability, it can prove to be a little difficult. That is why many ministries across America have made it their passion to deliver this much anticipated excitement to ALL of God’s children. Perhaps you or your child is looking for a thrill this summer? Contact our office so we can connect you with a program in your area.

We at Lift hope you have a memorable summer and find this issue of LIFT Magazine the re-freshment you need to quench your thirst. ENJOY!

Rhonette HukillEditor in Chief

Editor’s LetterSummer time, Summer

time, Sum, Sum, Summer-time, Summertttiiiime!

EDITOR IN CHIEF Rhonette Hukill

SENIOR EDITOR Mike Beates

CONTRIBUTING EDITORS Caregiver Conversations Rhonette Hukill

Community Lifts Jim HukillFitness Heather Pennington

Lead Jim HukillLife on the Horizon Chris Maxwell Mom’s Moments Nicolette Samuel

Outdoor Adventures Doug GoddardSibling Sidelines Little Tony Piantine

The Lighter Side Jane Petrak

Lift Disability Network Offices 4700 Millenia Blvd. Suite 175

Orlando, FL 32839 407.228.8343

Lift Disability Network Mission To lead in connecting the disability family through a network of interactive media initiatives, innovative family support programs, and instructive learning

modules.

Copyright © 2010 Lift Disability Network. No part may be reproduced without written

permission from publisher.

EDITORIAL COMMENTS & SUBSCRIPTION QUERIESPlease e-mail [email protected]. Phone 407.228.8343. Or write to Lift Disability Net-work, Lift Magazine, 4700 Millenia Blvd. Suite 175,

Orlando, FL 32839.

Magazine

THERE’S MORE TO SEE ONLINE.Check out our website at

LiftDisability.net

4 www.liftdisability.net

Free event for families with

disabilities to pack and send

Christmas boxes to children

in third world countries.

Volunteers & items needed to get involved go to: www.liftdisability.net or call 407-228-8343

• Ourgoalis1,000boxes• bringafriend• Christmascaroling• decoratingsugarcookies• facepainting• balloonsandmore...

Hosted by

Central Florida

Christian Academy

700 Good Homes Road Orlando, FL

BENEFITING

Our Partners

Saturday, November 6th10-2pm 2010presents


Life can be a tough act, balance everything that

has to happen – school, parenting, relationships, careers, church and mission work, summer time fun, and more. It can all get a little bit muddled and mixed up and things can get out of whack, so out of whack that we can begin to worry. Worry knocks things out of balance. To ward off worry and keep life in balance, we have to keep Him first – He is our CENTER. Matthew 6:33-34 says, “But seek first His kingdom and His righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well. Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomor-row will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own.” So, let’s make a practice of keeping Him first as our center of life.

The same goes for our physical bodies, our temples of the Holy Spirit as the Lord calls them. We must keep our balance for everything to function: our muscles must be strong AND flexible, our heart must be able to endure high stress AND prolonged stress,

Balancing ActBY HEATHER PENNINGTON

and our bodies must be able to react quickly AND main-tain physical balance.

Our Limit Free Training lesson today is how to main-tain a body that has good balance. These exercises challenge our core, and our “core” is just our muscles that form our CENTER, like Christ should be the center of our spiritual lives. When we focus on training those in everyday life, our physical bodies can maintain balance and we can function a little bit better. The “core” needs to be redefined for each and every person because individuals with disabilities are all different. Therefore, we must challenge what muscles we have to re-determine our core and get a good center of muscles to balance with. For example, a quadriplegic will have to use their head, neck, upper chest and back muscles to balance where a single leg amputee will have to adjust their cen-ter of balance a little more toward the sound limb.

Here are some general balance tips as well as three

very simple exercises that will help any individual’s balance. These can be done simply, everyday, and from the comfort of your very own home.

General balance tips:

• Ground up thinking – no matter if your feet are on a wheelchair’s footplate or on the ground, think of an elevator coming from the ground up and tighten every muscle you can to maintain a source for that “core.” Keep breathing.

• Standing or sitting on a stable surface like a chair or low table trying to do exercises or reach away from your body can be a chal-lenge. BUT, add an unstable surface, like a towel, pillow or balance pad and you can really add a difficult element to any exercise.

• Hold onto something next to you like a handrail of a stair, a broomstick, or wall if you are unsure of your bal-ance. This is a good place to start. Challenge yourself to lessen your grip slowly, then do exercises independent of

Fitness


your handhold.

• Start all movements close to your body and then gradually get farther away from your body.

• Start on both feet and then if able, go to balance on one foot and do our exer-cises.

• Start with a slow pace and gradually challenge yourself to do exercises with a little more controlled speed.

• Start with only arms or legs as weight and gradually add external resistance like wrist weights or dumbbells.

• Have fun – working on balance by yourself or with a group can be fun and chal-lenging. Get creative too!

Fitness

HEATHER PENNINGTON , MA Ed, CSCS; she can be reached at [email protected]; www.limit-freetraining.com.

1. Core Rotations – This can be done with no object of weight or with a small dumbbell or medicine ball in your hands. Even a soup can works great!

a. Start with hands/arms directly in front of you.

A. B.

b. Rotate arms from low on one side of your body to high on the other side. The farther away from the midline of your body, the harder it is. Start with small movements and get larger and larger. Work on tightening in all your muscles – remember ground up thinking. Keep your head following your arms – which will allow your trunk to rotate through the movement. c. This can be done seated or standing. Do 3 sets of 15 rotations on each side. (continued on page 8)

(These are just pictures showing standing or seated balance on an unstable surface can be done by all.)


(continued from page 7)

2. Balance Tilts and Twists

a. Start with arms or broomstick or weighted bar at chest height. (A) START here if this is difficult. (B) The farther up and away from your body your arms are, the harder it is.

A. B. C.

b. Tilt from side to side, letting your body figure out how far you are comfortable bend-ing and then pulling back up to center with good balance. (C) Work on going farther to each side eventually. Do 3 sets of 15 to each side.

c. Rotate or twist like your body is on a pivot – slowly and care-fully – seeing how far your body will go and then pull back to center with good balance. Do 3 sets of 15 to each side.

3. Leg or arm swings

a. Use the general rules stated in this article and swing your limbs from front to back and side to side. Work on having less support for your body and your pace to make it challeng-ing. Don’t forget to keep all your muscles tight from the “ground up.”

Now, get started on maintaining a balanced body as well as a balanced life by keeping Christ as the center and by learning your new center or core muscles by doing a few of these exer-cises. Remember to have fun with it! Stay tuned for more helpful information.

Fitness

A. Arm swings B. Leg swings

2 Timothy 1:7 “For God did not give us a spirit of timidity (of cowardice, of craven and cringing and fawning fear), but [He has given us a spirit] of power and of love and of calm

and well-balanced mind and discipline and self-control.”


I can get very distracted and drift off base a bit. During these times I find it helpful

to get away by my-self or with my wife to do a little fishing. Something about be-ing out in God’s great outdoors and enjoy-ing the simple gifts He gives helps me refo-cus.

Ultimately, as believ-ers we will be resting in heaven with Jesus without hardships,

burdens, or distractions. But until then, we have to keep our eye on the prize as we walk (or in my case roll) through life…and some-times a little fishing can be a great help in doing that.

DOUG GODDARD is a c5/6 quad-riplegic from a 1983 diving accident the summer before his junior year in high school. He came to know the Lord through this experience and believes that God not only has a plan, but a good plan for folks affected by disabilities. One of the many blessings Doug enjoys, on top of being married to his best friend Leanne, is that of God’s great outdoors. He loves to fish, hunt, ex-plore, and just be outdoors. Despite his disability, with God’s help, he does!

Florida fishing in May has traditionally been great

for me. The bass have fin-ished all their spawning activities and settled back into normal fishing patterns. I can usually go out with virtually any style weightless soft plastic lure and have success. I’m a very results-oriented person (it’s one of my weak-nesses), so I enjoy going fishing even more than usual during this time. It’s especially gratifying to be successful on every outing, and doing so without much extra effort is a bonus.

You know, living life with a disability is usually anything but normal. Results viewed as success can often be far and few between. It is defi-nitely not easy by any means and just the basics of life can require a great deal of ef-fort. However, this lifestyle provides a different kind of reward -- one that can be much deeper and more sat-isfying. It requires a lot of pa-tience, persistent, and even perseverance. Most of all it requires a lot of prayer. Com-ing to our Savior daily for

strength, encouragement, and comfort is the only way anyone can make it.

Now don’t get me wrong on hardships. They are not something we should see as trophies or a thing that necessarily makes us bet-ter than others. Hardships are just part of life. Some people have few, some have many, and others just fall in the middle. The point is that whatever burdens we have, Jesus is there to carry them for us. He wants us focused on Him and rest in Him dur-ing both the good and bad times.

You know, I often have a harder time trusting and staying centered in the Lord when things are going great (another weakness of mine).

Outdoor AdventuresEnjoying Life

BY DOUG GODDARD


we were unaware, you may conclude that I have com-pletely lost my mind, which at any given moment is probably true. But I am sure we are having fun, nonethe-less.

I hear so often from other parents that we are not intended to be our child’s friend. But it got me to think-ing, maybe it’s in how we define “Friend.” What do we think of when we think of a true friend? Do you know that Jesus calls us His friends? In John 15:12-14 Jesus says, “My command is this: Love one another as I have loved you. Greater love has no one than this, that he lay down his life for his friends. You are my friends if you do what I command.” So, recently I have thought of paraphrasing verse 14 for Hannah. When my attempts at correcting her behavior seem to be failing miserably, I may try saying, “OK, you’re my friend – so do what I command!”

I couldn’t help but connect how I feel about my friend-ship with Jesus and how similar I feel about my job description as a mother to my daughter Hannah. Jesus

She Calls Me FriendBY NICOLETTE SAMUEL

Mom’s Moments

Recently, my daughter Hannah has taken to

calling me “Friend.” Because of Hannah’s disability, we spend a lot of time together. Although I try my best to offer her opportunities to interact with others and develop friendships, often I am her playmate. Much of our time together consists of my attempts to train her in

whatever appropriate be-havior the situation deems necessary. But we also spend a lot of time just playing and laughing. There is no one who makes me laugh like my daughter. And there is no one else with whom I have full freedom to completely abandon my inhibitions and be my true self. If you were quietly to observe us when


TOMATO, CORN, and AVOCADO SALADServes 4

Ingredients1 ear corn (husk and silk removed; tip cut off)2 pints cherry, grape, or pear tomatoes, halved (or quartered if large)1 avocado, halved, pitted, peeled, and diced2 scallions, thinly sliced2 tablespoons fresh lime juice1 tablespoon vegetable oil, such as safflowerCoarse salt and ground pepper

Directions1. Stand ear in a large wide bowl; with a sharp knife, carefully slice downward to release the kernels. Discard cob. Add tomatoes, avocado, scallions, lime juice, and oil to bowl. Season with salt and pepper, and toss gently to combine. From Everyday Food, July/August 2008 . For more delicious recipes, smart cooking tips, and video demonstrations checkout marthastewart.com

Mom’s Moments

NICOLETTE SAMUEL has been married 12 years to her husband Shaker. Combined they have 3 chil-dren. With her husband as Pastor, Nicolette finds herself very involved in church min-istry. Over the years she has learned many lessons, many of which come from her daughter, Hannah, who has Down syndrome.

is my example, He shows me how to act. Jesus is my guide, He shows me where to go. He’s my protector, He shelters me from anything that He does not intend to use for a greater purpose. He’s my comforter, He wipes away my tears. He’s my healer, He bandages up my wounds. And He’s my con-fidant, He hears and under-

stands everything I say, and never uses it against me. If I can be a friend to my daugh-ter, like Jesus is a friend to me, I guess I would consider that successful parenting.


Zealous RevolutionistsBY LITTLE TONY PIANTINE

I was recently accused of being a zealous revolu-

tionary, a hippy-type who would have done well in the sixties. On the one hand I was offended, but on the other, I realized it was true. I remember as young boy being a constant defender and helper of my brother, Dan, who used a wheelchair. Eventually I realized there were places he could not go and there were people who did not care to have him around because of his disability. One of my per-sonality traits became being a fixer, a changer. I looked for ways not only to make it possible for Dan to do things others said he couldn’t, but I also worked to change a system and the way people think. Sibs grow up know-ing something most people don’t ever get to know: people with disabilities are valuable, incredible, and able to do anything if we will help. At times, growing up locked into helping and care-giving was hard. Yet it formed me into someone

who cannot sit back and do nothing while others need help. Statistics show over-whelmingly that sibs tend to pick life pursuits related to service in healthcare, teach-ing, non-profits, social work, and ministry. We live and work to make change. We want to help those in need. We want a revolution to change the hearts of men so the help needed by many is available to all!

The person who accused me of being a zealot re-counted that ten years ago

we attended a disability conference together. There we decided to join a group of people with visual impair-ments on a bus tour of down town L.A. Some of my friends were in wheelchairs and when the tour bus pulled up, it had no chair lift. The driver suggested we carry our friends onto the bus. Then I suggested something I cannot write here! I got on the phone and talked to the dispatcher from the tour bus company and then spoke with the driver’s boss. Neither cared to help. So

Sibling Sidelines


Sibling Sidelines

I proceeded (through the incredible concierge at the hotel) to find the owner of the company. I called him at home and suggested he come to our disability conference to watch our 400 members present to a newspaper writer a signed paper boycotting his trans-port company. Within ten minutes a new lift-equipped coach arrived -- we all toured together.

I was angry, hurt, and, out-raged at how our friends in wheelchairs were treated. I did not enjoy the tour as I might have because I was wondering aloud how we could change the attitudes of these ignorant people. At the time, I thought noth-ing more than that: righting a wrong, fixing a problem, making a way in a world that generally doesn’t seem to care. Now I realize that this reaction comes naturally to me. It’s something I have done since childhood as most sibs do.

So today as I lead a minis-try for people with disabili-ties, I see that I am a fighter for valuing the unvalued, empowering the ignored, and bringing equality to the

underdog. I want to right wrongs and give the over-looked an opportunity. I am, at heart, a fixer or a repair-man. My friend is right: I would have flourished in the 60’s. Fighting for a cause, protesting, and trying to cause revolution. I am a child of my up bringing, one who understood that some peo-ple are under-appreciated and need help.

I want to live in a world better-suited to see the value of those God created, in order that their gifts may help each of us become what God wants us to be. I want to right wrongs, rise with the oppressed, and walk to the front with the marginalized. I want revo-lution...of our hearts and souls. So I am thankful to have grown up a sib, even if it means agreeing with my friend...Kumbaya man, let’s be the change. Peace!

LITTLE TONY PIANTINE

is the director of Camp Daniel in Northern Wisconsin. He and his wife Karol have two children, Annissa and Anthony.

14 www.liftdisabilitynet

I am in a wheelchair. I cannot stand. When I take a shower, I have to use a shower bench. When I got on it the other night, it started to whistle. I made a mental list of where I could obtain a new one. Just then I started smiling and chuckling. I have never been the one to get whistled at. God uses everyday occurrences to remind us of Him. The bench whistling at me is just one more way God reminds me how He sees me as beautiful. So, I am going to hold off getting that new shower bench.

The Lighter Side

Just WhistleBY APRIL JOHNSON

APRIL JOHNSON has double scoliosis with four rods in her back. She has lived in Florida all her life. She enjoys read-ing, talking with people , Christian music, and JESUS CHRIST!!!

The 2nd Fishing with Friends event in Jacksonville, Fla. was this past April and it was AMAZING!

There were over 500 folks including nearly 200 volunteers who helped bait hooks, give boat rides, cook hamburgers and were buddies to the individuals and families affected

by disability. It was a time of Christ centered fishing, food, fellowship and fun.

Two local TV stations came out to film and do interviews with stories airing on both the 6 p.m. and 11 p.m. news.

Follow our events on www.syner-gybusiness.net/FWFD.

Fishing with Friends Comes to Jacksonville Florida

**FISHING**FOOD**FUN**

FISHING WITH FRIENDS DAY

For more event information, to pre-register for attendance or to sign-up for volunteering call (214) 893-9056 or go to www.synergybusiness.net/FWFD

WHAT: FREE fishing event for individuals and families affected by disabilities!

WHEN: Sunday August 29, 2010 - 3pm to 7pmWHERE: The Point Resort Marina 122 Boat Dock Dr.

Dandridge, Tennessee 37725

Tinsley-Bible Drug Co. INC.www.tinsleybible.com


A Great GiftBY JIM HUKILL

It was a hot summer night with bodies crammed into

the small, rustic chapel. The room was filled with a color-ful, diverse group. It was our last evening service before everyone would depart for another year. As each camp participant entered the chapel they received a paper crown. Through the pre-sentation the crown would

become a treasured item in the hands of the holder.

An impressive, majestic throne was erected on the stage and it would become equally cherished by all. Each listener’s imagination connected with the idea of that throne being the place where God would sit. As our hearts were elevated to that incredible place, we were in-

spired and deeply compelled to present a gift to The King.

Music filled the room as campers moved from their seats to bring the most trea-sured item they had: their crown. Reverently, crowns soon filled the floor space at the foot of the makeshift throne. Each valuable gift expressed the heart that had released the gift. But none

Community Lifts


would be quite as special as the last crown surrendered that night.

As the final worshippers returned to their seats, the music stopped. Every eye turned toward the piano. The individual providing our en-vironment of adoration was a gentle, inspirational man who had an intellectual dis-ability. His small, bent frame rose from the piano stool and walked quietly across the room where he knelt be-fore the throne and laid the final crown before The King. He folded his hands, bowed his head and remained on bended knees for several minutes. The atmosphere was bursting with the holy presence of God as the entire room sat speechless while this hallowed exchange took place between the giver and his King.

The opportunity to give of-ten transforms people. With this conviction, one of Lift’s principal ministry objectives is to restore among the dis-ability community a sense of service to others.

November 6, 2010 Lift will hold its third annual Give-Back event in Orlando, Fla. This event is designed to

provide an environment for giving in tribute of those who have waited in hospital rooms with us, volunteered service for our families, given us a chance to show our gifts, and whispered prayers on our behalf. It is a moment to worship the King.

Community Lifts

JIM HUKILL is the Founder and Director of Lift Disability Network.

Throughout his life Jim has rolled his wheelchair past one bar-rier after another and the result is a schooled life in overcoming limits.

Help families pack boxes by sending in items to our home office at:

4700 Millenia Blvd. Suite 175, Orlando, FL 34787 or visit our website to sponsor a box at $25 each and

find out more about how you can get involved.

Gift Suggestions:School Supplies:: pens, pencils and sharpener, crayons or markers, stamps and ink pad sets, writing pads or paper, solar calculators, coloring and picture books, etc.Toys: small cars, balls, dolls, stuffed animals, kazoos, har-monicas, yo-yos, jump ropes, small Etch A Sketch®, toys that light up or make noise (with extra batteries), Slinky®, etc.Hygiene Items: toothbrush, toothpaste, mild bar soap (in a plastic bag), comb, washcloth, etc.Other: hard candy and lollipops (please double bag all candy), mints, gum, T-shirts, socks, ball caps, sunglasses, hair clips, toy jewelry, watches, flashlights (with extra bat-teries)DO NOT INCLUDE: Used or damaged items; war-related items such as toy guns, knives or military figures; chocolate or food; out-of-date candy; liquids or lotions; medications or vitamins; breakable items such as snowglobes or glass containers; aerosol cans

Be a Part of November 6th !


Inner Conflicts of a Person with a DisabilityBY REV. KEN DIGNAN

I started down the road of living with a disability very

early in life. I contracted the polio virus a few years before the Salk vaccine began to minimize and eventually stop that plague. The year I got polio, 1952, there were some 60,000 Americans, who were hit by the virus. It was not un-til 1955 rolled around that the first nation-wide immuniza-tions for polio took place.

Well it was too late for me but, despite any “woulda, coulda shoulda,” that’s life. I couldn’t cry over spilled milk or get ticked off that the Na-tional Medical and Health Association didn’t get the vac-cine out to the public in time for me. I had to “play with the cards dealt to me,” as it’s been said.

Looking back as a Christian and one who believes that God has a purpose for what-ever happens to us, I do my best to live by the biblical principle that says, “God works all things together for the good to those who love Him and are called according to His purpose” (Rom. 8:28).

It’s not always easy to accept this, nor is it easy to have your thoughts and emotions re-spond positively to this prin-ciple. There are times (some shorter, some longer) when I have to deal with many inner conflicts related to my disabil-ity.

There’s the inner conflict of feeling that it was not fair to contract polio and the related disability. I know life’s not fair, that we live in a fallen, im-perfect world, that decay is a product of mankind’s sin and rebellion against God. Be that as it may, there are still times when my brain knows and ac-cepts one thing, but my heart still struggles to accept it.

There’s the inner conflict of regularly humbling yourself to accept the constant help of others. Living in the skin of a person with a disability is a great challenge. It seems like you are called to cope with life in a survival mode. Rarely are there just, “normal days,” for me.

Every day will have some kind of emergency or uncom-fortable situation. Whether it’s

Dad’s Den

Perseverance Points:Each of us find moments when we are over-whelmed by the conflicts of our souls. Yet throughout the Bible we are encouraged, challenged and commanded to press on. Here are a few suggestions for when you fight through the “dark night of the soul.” (Saint John of the Cross)• Pray – talking with God invites Him into the struggle and opens one’s life to super-natural wisdom & understanding • Pour - The greatest fulfillment in life comes through the investment of oneself. If all you have is weakness, make a contri-bution of frailty and see how God will help others see strength in you.• Permit – Allow people to get involved in your life. We who hurt must be willing to teach by opening our pain for others to share.• Praise – Giving thanks... assigning honor places God in His appropriate seat; Creator. One’s praise says to God, ‘I trust you; I believe your promises; I re-ceive your love for me’.


an unexpected need to use the toilet and no one is there to help for a while, or you almost fall out of your wheelchair transferring into bed, or you slip down in your wheelchair seat to an un-comfortable position and no one can pull you back in the seat, on and on every day goes.

Don’t take this as complaining, though it probably is. Accept it as a confession of frustration from someone with a disability living in the everyday world. I want to be as positive as I can each day. But deep down I also know that endeavoring to han-dle all the inner conflicts I face it will be a daily struggle. The only thing that really pulls me through is my ability to pray to the Lord and concentrate on the Scriptures.

REV. DR. KEN DIGNAN is the Support Pastor of Eagle Rock Community Church and Founder/Director of THC/Ken Dignan Ministries. www.ercc.org; www.kendignanminstries.org . Ken and Joni have been married for 33 years and have 4 sons, Andy, Patrick, the late Ryan, and Britt. Andy is married to Jody and they have a daughter named Riley Ann.

Dad’s Den

Perseverance Points:Each of us find moments when we are over-whelmed by the conflicts of our souls. Yet throughout the Bible we are encouraged, challenged and commanded to press on. Here are a few suggestions for when you fight through the “dark night of the soul.” (Saint John of the Cross)• Pray – talking with God invites Him into the struggle and opens one’s life to super-natural wisdom & understanding • Pour - The greatest fulfillment in life comes through the investment of oneself. If all you have is weakness, make a contri-bution of frailty and see how God will help others see strength in you.• Permit – Allow people to get involved in your life. We who hurt must be willing to teach by opening our pain for others to share.• Praise – Giving thanks... assigning honor places God in His appropriate seat; Creator. One’s praise says to God, ‘I trust you; I believe your promises; I re-ceive your love for me’.

Sending Jessica HomeBY LAURA SHALDA

My fifteen year old daughter Jessica had

leukemia. Minor surgery to insert a Broveak catheter for chemotherapy was sched-uled. I reassured Jessica that it was a minor procedure, and she would be fine. Hugs and kisses, and away she went.

Jessica coded after surgery, I heard pages, unaware they were for Jessica. In Recov-ery, nurses noticed Jessica’s fingers and toes were blue. The monitors hadn’t been hooked up after moving her from the operating room to recovery. They guessed Jes-sica had been without oxy-gen up to 10 minutes.

During surgery, the sur-geon perforated her aorta, although they repaired the rupture, there was massive internal bleeding. Doctors didn’t know if Jessica would recover. There was nothing to do but wait, . . . and pray. I called pastors, family and friends. All were praying. If the sheer volume of prayers were enough to save Jessica, she would be cured.

But Jessica was dying. How do you tell your be-loved daughter goodbye? I told her I loved her more than anything and I didn’t want her to leave. But I un-derstood if she had to. She had fought hard, and I would not selfishly try to keep her until I was ready. And of course I never would be.

Time of death: 4:07 a.m. Jessica’s pain and suffer-ing was over, mine was just beginning. Watching first the vault, then the casket holding my baby, lowered into cold frozen earth was devastating. Oh, how final to see the vault lid sealing her grave.

She’s only fifteen. I worry about her, even knowing she is in Heaven. Does she live by herself, or with her great-grandparents? Does she go to school? Jessica loved swimming at her grandpar-ents lake, I hope she can swim in Heaven. Does she still need me? I want reas-surance that Jessica is well cared for. In reality, her needs are all met, I am the

A Parent Thought


LAURA SHALDA grew up in Lake Orion, Michigan with her par-ents and two younger brothers. Mother of three, two girls, Beth and Jessica (deceased) and son Alex. She resides in Winter Park, Florida with her husband David.

A Parent Thought

needy one. I have to trust that God is taking care of her since I no longer can.

They call children without parents orphans, but there’s no word for childless parents. It’s such a horrific concept it cannot be labeled. It’s been nine years, and although I can say the pain becomes less intense, it’s always there. You never “get over it.” You never “get back to normal.” You forge ahead and make a new normal. I have learned to work around her absence, instead of falling into the

hole left behind. I was angry at God for a long time, but He pursued me anyway. He never gave up on me, even when I had given up on my-self.

Knowing I will see her again has been my greatest hope. Anticipation of a glori-ous reunion kept me going through the darkest days. And with God’s unending love and grace, I have come to understand that although her life was short, it wasn’t cut short. She lived one hun-dred percent of life. She com-

pleted all her life tasks. God knew before she was even born when he would call her home.



battling Multiple Myeloma.

This decision that they made – how did they get there? When did they know they had reached their end of capacity to care? Will I reach a day when I can no longer care for Jim? I can hear the grief in their voice. It’s not an easy deci-sion to make. How do you let go? When do you reach that place of resolution? On one hand there is a real sense of pride that you have been the primary person for someone’s care. At times I have thought, “There is no one who can do this better than me.” On the other hand there are times I wonder, “What the heck am I doing? Why has God trusted me with someone else’s life?”

Over the years of ministry I have talked to many care-givers, spouses, and mother’s who have feared the day they can no longer care for their loved one. Many have said, “I can’t die before them; there’s no one to care for them; there is no where they can go.” I have had a few


zheimer’s, she had run out of steam. The words hit me like a ton of bricks. I remember hearing the exact words just four years early when my mother-in-law, with tears in her eyes, released my father-in-law to the care of the pro-fessionals after five years of

I just can’t do it anymore; after all I’m 88 years old!”

These were my Grandmoth-er’s words to the doctors after making the difficult de-cision to put my Grandfather in a nursing home. After 70 years of marriage, 8 of them living with her husband’s Al-

When Do I Stop Caring?BY RHONETTE HUKILL


RHONETTE HUKILL has been a full-time caregiver to her wonderful husband, Jim, for nearly 16 years. Together, by God’s grace, they face the everyday challenges of life with disability.


sleepless nights wondering what would happen with Jim if I were gone.

I have noticed something with both my Grandmother and mother-in-law in the days leading up to and the days follow-ing their decision. There seems to be a real internal struggle of the flesh verses the mind. On one hand, they couldn’t imagine letting go; yet on the other hand, their body has nothing left to give. Then, there seems to be a point of reso-lution, a point of no return. There comes a point when they released all the emo-tions, concerns, and strength into the hands of Jesus. At that moment, as I look in their eyes, I can see the mix of fear and relief. The days that follow, although filled with questions, seemed to be re-placed with peace and a new strength. It’s not a decision they arrived at lightly. It’s like God is saying, “Thank you for your years of love and care. I know it will be hard for you, but I’ll take it from here.”

I don’t think there is a magical number of how long we care for our loved ones. My hope is that I will know when the time is right for Jim and me and that I will handle it with the grace I have seen displayed by these two strong women in my life.


A Good Meal - Ten Suggestions for a Healthy LifeBY CHRIS MAXWELL

You remember being told what to eat, don’t you? Fruits and vegetables. Warnings about too many sweets. Right amounts of the right food groups and exercise. Though we frequently rebel, informa-tion is valuable.

Today’s technology provides more than enough informa-tion. Search the web and advice stares back from the screen. We can read – not knowing if the small print is correct – about the value of a product, food, vitamins, methods of losing weight, and side-effects of medications.

What else can we learn about living healthy lives? As we battle our own mental, physical, emotional, psychological, and spiritual issues, what can we do differently to assist ourselves?

My personal battle with epi-lepsy reminds me regularly of core ingredients in this healthy life meal.

Life on the Horizon

CHRIS MAXWELL is an Author, Speak-er & Director of Spiritual Life

www.chrismaxwell-web.com


Life on the Horizon

Here are ten “food groups” – suggestions for a healthier lifeRemember – We often deny bad memories. We often too quickly forget good experiences. Remembering both pleasant and painful seasons is a healthy choice. Don’t ignore or avoid. Re-member and choose to let thoughts of healing, hope, and freedom guide your mood.

Journal – Instead of holding feelings inside, release them. Instead of releasing those emotions in unhealthy ways, keep a journal. Write about worry, fear, frustration. Put into written words your prayers, songs, and letters. By releasing, you give yourself room for growth and develop-ment without the unneeded baggage.

Listen – Scripture tells us to be quick to hear, slow to speak, and slow to become angry. Let’s hear more and say less.

Rest – Get good nights of sleep and short naps during hurried schedules. Deep breathes. Think of a Sabbath experience at various times each day. While we rush from duty and duty, let us pause. And be still.

Laugh – Scripture again provides us good instructions: Laughter does good like a medicine. So laugh. Enjoy moments too often ignored. Laugh.

Cry – Crying is also good for us. We try to resist any shedding of tears. Why? By crying we let the body do its job of releasing hurts. Crying is not a weakness. It is healing.

Work – Whatever our weakness or disability or struggle, work is our friend. This does not mean just being busy for more money or ego boosts. But doing work our doctors approve of – even in our limitations – keeps us healthy and strong.

Confess – Like crying and journaling can release inner hurts, so can confessions. Sometimes, writing the confessions in the journal is enough. But, other times, we need a trusted pastor, priest, counselor, or accountability partner to whom we can tell our mistakes. We need to resist defending ourselves. Rather, we need to release what could hold us back.

Forgive – We seek forgiveness from God and others, right? Do we choose to forgive? Let’s not wait until the person who hurt us has apologized. Let’s not expect them to understand our deep wounds. Let’s choose to let go – no matter how we feel about it. Forgiveness no longer allows hurts to control our moods, our decisions, or our opinions.

Learn – When does school end? Never. Life is an ongoing experience of learning. Ask questions. Read books. Listen to tapes. Online. In bookstores. In libraries. With friends who understand some of your own struggles: learn together. School is our permanent home.

So, those are ten ingredients, or suggestions, for healthy living. Give them a try.

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