La Leche League of Florida and Caribbean Islands Area Leaders’ Letter

Baby Beams Issue 8 Fall 2019

Table of Contents

From the Desk of Justine Hirsch, Area Coordinator of Leaders……………..….Pg 1 Area Directory of Leaders ……………………………..Pg 1 Seven Habits of a Successful LLL Group……....………...Pg 2 Suncoast Leaders Participate in Baby Shower Event …..Pg 3 The Joys of Accreditation..Pg 4 Getting to Know Leader Rosy Ramirez, LLL Fort Meyers ………………………..…....Pg 5 Custody, Visitation, and Breastfeeding………..…...Pg 6 Getting to Know Area Team Member Maria Richter…...Pg 8

Baby Beams, the Area Leaders’ Letter for Leaders and Leader Applicants of La Leche League of Florida and Caribbean Islands, is published twice a year and sent electronically to Area Leaders.

I hope all of you had a great summer and are settling into new routines well. This summer I was so thankful for your prompt action helping me collect Leader zip code locator information in a

timely manner. I also want to thank you for sending your stats on time so I could turn those numbers in. We have so many active Groups holding monthly meetings and many Groups holding multiple meetings a month! All the Leaders in our Area have been working hard in their communities to support families. Overall, we had 1,391 helping contacts for the January through June 2019 reporting period. What an amazing achievement! So many families have benefited from your support. Many Groups participated or hosted events. The Sarasota/Suncoast Group particiapted a community health fair with over 500 in attendance! This is such a huge accomplishment. Congrats!

I hope that your LLL meetings have been going well and you have been enjoying your work as a Leader. If you ever find yourself with questions or in need of support, please reach out to your District Advisor. I am also always available to lend an ear or help you to problem-solve a situation. We are here for you!

The Area Council works hard to provide support to all Leaders in Florida/Caribbean Islands. With that said, we need your help. Have you ever been interested in doing Area work? We have various open positions and would love to chat with you about how you might get more involved. We are currently looking for one or two more District Advisors. Please let me know if you might be interested in learning more. Thank you so much for your continued dedication to La Leche League and the families in your community.

Page 1

From the Desk of Justine Hirsch, Area Coordinator of Leaders (ACL)

Keeping up with Leaders and Groups in La Leche League of Florida/Caribbean Islands (LLL of FL/CI) has been my gift to the Area for many years. At the time of this writing, there are 94 Leaders and 25 Groups with a primary connection to LLL of FL/CI. Of those Leaders, ten are Leaders like me who have No Group Association. We are known as NGA Leaders. We pay a little more for Leader dues and find other ways to support the Area and/or mothers.

Information about all Leaders in our Area is stored in the Area Directory, which is updated monthly. The Directory is what we use to remain in touch with you, so it is vital this information remain current. You may access the Directory on the LLL of FL/CI Leader web page:

http://www.lllflorida.com/lalecheleague/leaders/lll-leaders-homepage/

Username: llleader Password: funds4LLL Or send me an email and I will provide you with a current Directory: esimpson@tampabay.rr.com Did you know that many Groups and Leaders can be found by mothers at these websites? https://www.llli.org/

https://lllusa.org/

http://www.lllflorida.com/lalecheleague/home/

Thanks for all you do, Leaders!

Overall, we had 1,391 helping contacts for the January

through June 2019 reporting period.

Area Directory of Leaders Submitted by Ellen Simpson, Area Database Administrator (ADA)

Page 2 Baby Beams, LLL of Florida and Caribbean Islands Area Leaders’ Letter, Issue 8 Fall 2019

Seven Habits of a Successful LLL Group Submitted by Marie Beam, LLL of Maryland, LLLI Board of Directors, LLL Alliance Leader Link Sept. 2019 Issue 1

Since I joined the La Leche League International Board, I have been hearing a great deal of chatter about how, in this age of social media, it’s hard to attract anyone to come to La Leche League (LLL) meetings anymore because parents are so busy and they prefer Facebook over face-to-face. I’m sure there’s plenty of truth in that, but from my own experience, I know that monthly meetings can still be a vibrant and satisfying way of meeting parents’ needs. My Group in the suburbs of Washington, D.C., regularly attracts an average of 12-15 diverse attendees each month. My co-Leaders and I don’t do anything special – but we do try to follow these practices: 1) Meeting Reminder: A few days before each monthly meeting, email a reminder that includes date, time, location, and meeting topic. Include all who have recently requested breastfeeding help, those who have attended meetings in the past two years or so, plus Leaders of nearby Groups. Use a “BCC” distribution list so that contact information is kept confidential. 2) Start the Meeting on Time: Complete set-up by the stated start time. Even if only one or two parents have arrived, show respect for their promptness by getting started, perhaps with just informal sharing about any pressing concerns these may have. After allowing a bit more time for others to arrive, go ahead with introductions and a more formal start to the meeting. 3) Sign-in Sheet: Pass around a clipboard with a pre-printed sheet for attendees to provide name, email, phone, address, baby’s name/age, whether this is their first meeting, and whether they would like more information on membership. This provides contact information for sending a Meeting Reminder, and for addressing any follow-up concerns. 4) “Burning Questions?”: Most parents who attend an LLL meeting come with at least one pressing concern. Regardless of the meeting topic, find time to ask about these. 5) Mention Membership: The income from memberships can help fund the Group as well as provide income for the Area. It can be mentioned briefly at the end of a meeting, as well as explained in the Meeting Reminder. Sample wording:

Annual member dues of $25 support the work of the ______ LLL Group, as well as LLL elsewhere in the U.S. and around the world. If you find the support you receive at meetings helpful, we encourage you to become a member so that LLL support will continue to be available to other parents. Membership may be purchased by cash or check at meetings, or online at [Area webpage link]. Membership is tax-deductible.

6) Follow-up: After the meeting, send a brief email to newcomers thanking them for attending, and asking if they had any specific concerns that were not addressed. Also follow-up with any other attendees who had questions that may not have been fully addressed. 7) Keep the Group Webpage Up-to-Date: The primary way that parents find their local Leaders and Group is through the Area webpage. Periodically check to make sure that your Group meeting location, meeting dates, and contacts are current.

After the meeting, send a brief email to newcomers thanking them for attending and asking if they had

any specific concerns that were not addressed.

Page 3

Congratulations to Leaders of the local Group for participating in the 25

th Sarasota Community Baby Shower

last May. Over 500 attended this fair, which was hosted by the Kiwanis Club of Sarasota and the Sarasota Healthy Start Coalition. Although the local group was not responsible for organizing the event, they have been participating for over 20 years! Pregnant women and families with babies up to age one were invited to join a fun and free morning, which featured exhibitors from 35 local organizations. There were door prize raffles, giveaways, and the Group’s world famous Diaper Derby, with the winner receiving a generous supply of diapers! The event ended with an amazing grand prize raffle featuring car seats, pack-n-plays, and other great baby items donated by the Kiwanis Club of Sarasota. Free vision and diabetes screenings were available, along with activities for children, including a kid’s area. “It really is a great outreach event,” says Debbie Eldridge, one of the Group Leaders. “We set up our display board and gave out meeting announcements. We also provided breastfeeding information.” One of the Group’s main challenges was how large and noisy the event was, which made it difficult to talk to parents with questions. “While there was a quiet, comfy room set up with rocking chairs for nursing mothers,” Debbie explains, “it was difficult for Group Leaders to leave their table since there were so many attendees.” Despite the noise and crowds, the day proved very popular with new mothers and provided great visibility for the Group. “This event has been so successful,” Debbie adds, “that organizers have added a second ‘Baby Shower’ in North

Port for our South County mothers, which we’ve also been participating in for several years.” Kudos to Group Leaders Debbie Eldridge, Kelly Fowler, Julia Griffith, Julie Mackie, Jocelyn Possehl, Heather Lamborn, and Tanya Taylor for a job very well done. Event website: http://healthystartsarasota.org/events/sarasota-community-baby-shower/ Newspaper link: https://www.heraldtribune.com/news/20190506/community-baby-shower-event-saturday?fbclid=IwAR1NRF20o552YgCLmyHIGaKTm_Ej0WeRNpkGCcfEs1FO391MzIro25uUlfw

Suncoast Leaders Participate in Baby Shower Event

Tanya Taylor and Debbie Eldridge

Page 4 Baby Beams, LLL of Florida and Caribbean Islands Area Leaders’ Letter, Issue 8 Fall 2019

The Joys of Accreditation Excerpted from an article by Sylvia Walker,

Coordinator of Leader Accreditation, Manitoba, Canada, in Leader Today, 1 April 2019

A new Leader’s accreditation is cause for celebration. As a Leader Accreditation Department (LAD) representative, I have the privilege of learning the news first. Often I let out a joyous shout, clap my hands or dance around, and sometimes I bake a special dessert. Eagerly, I’ll sit down to share the exciting news with the newly accredited Leader and co-Leader(s). Working with Leader Applicants is a rewarding experience. Learning and skill development are an ongoing part of my work. I’ve learned more about LLL philosophy and accreditation criteria than I ever thought was possible. LLL philosophy is more than just ten separate statements. The ten concepts along with the Concept Policy Statements describe the parenting values that are important to our organization. Some of the concepts overlap each other, so they need to be interpreted as a whole. I’ve been enlightened through reading personal histories, in which I learn about the many different ways that LLL philosophy has been interpreted and experienced in each Applicant’s family. Similarly, the LLLI Criteria for Leader Accreditation are more than a list of requirements. They are the skills, knowledge, and experience that we expect Leaders to have. As a Leader Applicant works to meet the criteria, I feel honored to play a part in her preparation for the role of a La Leche League Leader, and help ensure that leadership will be a fulfilling experience for her. LAD work also offers me the opportunity to develop my communication skills. Correspondence with Applicants and Leaders is a large part of my work. Whether acknowledging an accomplishment, providing information, offering support, or asking questions, communicating well is important. My letter-writing skills improve with each letter sent. I’m thankful for the various LAD mailings I receive because they have helped me hone my organizational skills. New applications, newsletters, memos, and correspondence have prompted me to set up and maintain a good

organization system. I can quickly retrieve what I need from the small box of supplies, file folders, and binders I keep in a drawer and on a few shelves of my bookcase. While I still prefer printing application correspondence and using paper folders, many LAD representatives now keep all application files and LAD documents electronically.

Finally, LAD work allows me to be creative. I enjoy decorating letters, and holiday and birthday greetings with rubber stamps, stickers, ribbons, and bows. The posters I make for LAD sessions can be as simple or as artfully detailed as I like. I’ve used balloons, flowers, and crafted hangers as giveaways so that LAD’s presence is remembered at these events. LAD representatives find many different ways to express the importance of Leaders taking an active interest in helping mothers find out about leadership and mentoring them to become LLL Leaders. And that, after all, is what being a LAD representative is all about. I have happily sent the message, “Congratulations on becoming a La Leche League Leader today” 107 times in my over 30 years as a LAD representative, and it never loses its glow.

Area Team Members’ Contact Information

Justine Hirsch, Area Coordinator of Leaders 786-586-0352 <acl.lllflci@gmail.com>

Christine Thompson, Coordinator of Leader Accreditation 727-501-3773 <ckt.lalechelad@gmail.com>

Ellen Simpson, Area Database Administrator 813-831-5983 <esimpson@tampabay.rr.com>

Maria Richter, Area Professional Liaison 863-612-6264 <APL.lllflorida@gmail.com>

Robin Stanford, Area Finance Coordinator 850-893-5205 <robinstanford1967@gmail.com>

Communications Skill Instructor Coordinator Positon currently open

Lena Ostroff, Area Publications Coordinator 818-433-2526 <islandgirl@northrock.bm>

Articles and other submissions for the next issue of Baby Beams should be sent to Lena Ostroff, Area Publications Coordinator (APC) by December 10, 2019. Send your contributions to <islandgirl@northrock.bm>

Articles may be edited for length, clarity, and adherence to LLL publishing guidelines.

Ever wondered about LAD work? If you have questions or are curious to learn more, please approach the Coordinator of Leader Accreditation (CLA) in your Area.

CLAs love to hear from Leaders interested in joining the LAD.

Page 5

Children: Carla (eight), Sofia (five), Alexander (two) Partner's name/occupation: Juan De Leon; he works as a supply chain analyst Date Accredited/Current Group Affiliation: 8/2014; LLL Fort Myers Where I was born: Santiago, Dominican Republic I started attending LLL meetings because: my mother (who is an ob/gyn) told me about LLL when I was pregnant because I wanted to learn more about exclusively breastfeeding. My favorite part of being a Leader is: supporting

parents in building a community around them that supports and normalizes their feeding and parenting choices.

Before I had children: I never imagined I was going to be breastfeeding for so long and loving it. I was very focused on my career and never was around babies. My favorite part of mothering is: snuggling with them and watching every step of their development, how they evolve When I have a few moments to myself, I like to: practice yoga and meditate My partner and I maintain closeness by: having open communication. My favorite activity with my children is: going for nature walks People are probably surprised to know that I: homeschool my children and work part time Books I am enjoying now are: Sacred Motherhood: An Inspirational Guide and Journal for Mindfully Mothering Children of All Ages by Anni Daulter and Niki Dewart; The Life-Changing Magic of Tidying Up, by Marie Kondō;

Magical Beginnings, Enchanted Lives by Chopra M.D., Deepak The best advice about motherhood I received: Housework can wait, babies can’t, especially during those first months. Don’t forget yourself and your partner. Do what works for you and your family, not what the books say, especially if it doesn’t really resonate with you.

Getting to Know Leader Rosy Ramirez, LLL Fort Meyers

La Leche League (LLL) is an international, non-profit, nonsectarian organization dedicated to providing education, information, support, and encouragement to women who want to breastfeed. The mission of LLL is to help mothers worldwide to breastfeed through mother-to-mother support, encouragement, information, and education, and to promote a better understanding of breastfeeding as an important element in the healthy development of the baby and mother.

Leadership Application Information Information about the Application for LLL Leadership, Leader Recommendation Form, and the Application fee can now be found online on the Area website. Leader's Handbook can be downloaded from the LLLI Leader pages.

Rosy and husband Juan, with children Alexander, Sofia and Carla

Page 6 Baby Beams, LLL of Florida and Caribbean Islands Area Leaders’ Letter, Issue 8 Fall 2019

The phone rings or you log in to your email to find a frantic mother seeking help. "My husband and I are divorcing. He wants overnight visits, but our baby is only six months old. Our custody hearing is next month. I'm still breastfeeding. He can't get overnights yet because of that, right?" Well, he possibly can. Whether or not that actually happens depends on how the mother and her attorney can present the case to the judge. As Leaders, we are not lawyers and cannot provide mothers with legal advice. We can do what we do best: provide the compassionate listening ear of someone who understands the bond between mother and baby, offer information about how to protect her milk supply, and share the wisdom of mothers who have walked this path before.

Based on the experience of nursing mothers who have gone through the legal system, we can provide a mother with strategies that may help her maintain contact with her baby while continuing to breastfeed. She will have to decide whether or how to use the information. As mothers navigate the divorce landscape, it’s important for them to keep these thoughts in mind:

Avoid making custody and visitation revolve entirely around breastfeeding. This may sound counterintuitive to us, but in case after case, mothers have found that focusing on breastfeeding frequently backfires. The court typically does not care if the mother is breastfeeding or not. There have even been cases where the partner twists the breastfeeding relationship to make it appear that the mother has an inappropriate relationship with the child.

Do not make an issue of the mother's "right to breastfeed.” The court is focused on the child, not the mother. There is no "right to breastfeed” in this context.

The court's focus is on the health and development of the child. The court wants the child to have access to both parents, as long as both parents are fit caregivers.

It is very important for the mother to seek legal advice from a local attorney as early as possible. It's best to work with an attorney who is

familiar with breastfeeding, and in particular, with child development. Do not assume that a female attorney will automatically be a good fit.

A baby-friendly legal decision is based on three criteria:

The parent remains firmly focused on the child's health and development.

Consistent relationships are extremely important to the child's health and development.

The goal is to raise the child to become a healthy adult who is able to form secure attachments and will not continue the cycle of broken relationships.

Mediation is more likely than a court ruling to get both parents what they want. Judges usually respond favorably to a thoughtful custody and visitation plan presented jointly by the parents. The child will have the best outcome if both parents can act like adults. It may be difficult for a mother who is hurting emotionally to see this. If she can present herself as thoughtful and reasonable, her concerns are more likely to be taken seriously. The mother should remember that she will be co-parenting with her ex for another 17 years or so, depending on the age of the child. Keeping proceedings civil will ease the transition for the child. A mother’s attorney can present evidence-based information on child development to the court. Remember, the court is focused on the health and well-being of the child, so evidence-based information carries weight. Evidence that has proven helpful in custody and visitation cases includes the following:

In general, babies and young children need a primary caregiver, and they need their primary caregiver at night. That need continues until the child is between

(Continued on page 7)

...we can provide a mother with strategies that may help her maintain contact with her

baby while continuing to breastfeed. She will have to decide whether or how

to use the information.

Custody, Visitation, and Breastfeeding presented by Dawn Burke and Rachel Collis at the LLL of Georgia Area Conference, November 2015

Page 7

three and five years of age (preschool age). If the mother works nights and her partner normally cares for the child at night, that person should continue to do so. If the family has a nanny, that nanny should continue caring for the child during the divorce proceedings.

Babies and young children (younger than age three to five) need to develop a relationship with the non-custodial parent, but that is best done with brief and frequent daytime visits.

As the child gets older, the duration and frequency of the visits can increase, leading up to overnights and longer stays.

Individual family situations play a part in determining appropriate visitation schedules. If the mother is employed and already experiences separation from her baby, longer daytime visits may be feasible earlier than in the case of a mother who stays home to care for her baby around the clock. The mother may also consider, and perhaps discuss with her ex, these points regarding extensive visitation:

Sometimes visitation demands are not about the other parent. Other family members, such as grandparents, who don't want to lose contact with the child, may pressure the non-custodial parent for visitation requirements. If the mother can be proactive and discuss maintaining the child’s relationships with the extended family, she may have more visitation options.

A very young baby will be miserable away from his mother. How will the non-custodial parent handle a frantic child for many hours? An attachment to the other parent will form, but it will take some time, just as it does for non-separated parents.

Follow the money! Non-breastfed babies will have higher and more frequent medical costs. Formula is not cheap, either. Parents should consider the health and well-being of the baby.

Follow the money a little farther! Sometimes a mother’s ex pushes for more custody or visitation in the belief that it will minimize or eliminate child support payments. This may or may not be the case, but it’s important for a mother and her attorney to explore and address the motivations behind custody and visitation demands that are inappropriate for the child.

The mother and her attorney can act proactively to craft a visitation proposal that is applicable over the long term and includes age-appropriate separations. If she is clear up front about what she wants and assures her ex that the visitation schedule will change as the child gets older, she may get more of what she wants and what is best for the baby.

One other issue for Leaders to keep in mind: If the mother is coming out of an abusive situation and fears the child is in danger from her ex, she needs to make that clear to her attorney. This is not an area in which a Leader should become involved. Additionally, we cannot act as a social worker in these (or any) situations. Calls concerning custody and visitation issues are always difficult and emotionally charged. Remember your role as a Leader: we give information and support, not medical or legal advice. The mother decides how she will use the information we provide to make her own decisions. As a Leader, you don't have to do this alone. In fact, all legal calls should be run past the Professional Liaison Leader (Area Professional Liaison (APL) or Associate Area Professional Liaison (AAPL)). We will help you compose an appropriate response for the mother so you as a Leader can continue providing local breastfeeding support to her. Additional resources may be found here: https://lllalliance.org/wp-content/uploads/2019/08/Custody-Visitation-and-Breastfeeding.pdf

(Continued from page 6)

The mother and her attorney can act proactively to craft a visitation proposal that is applicable over the long term and

includes age-appropriate separations.

Maria has been married to her best friend, Keith, for 32 years. A disabled veteran, Keith is currently flipping houses. Maria and her husband have three children: David, a superintendent for a road construction company; Cynthanie, a First Lieutenant in the Army Reserves; and Elric, who owns and operates a lawn service company. They also have three grandchildren who bring them great joy. Living on three acres in Hendry County, Maria and Keith grow much of their own food and raise ducks. “We dug a pond,” Maria explains, “which is a popular destination for many bird species including herons, egrets, hawks, and ibises. This year we had our first alligator in the pond and it was promptly relocated to the delight of our ducks. Our family of pets include four adopted cats and three German Shepherd dogs.” In 2001, Maria returned to school and earned an Associate of Arts degree, after which her local Special Supplemental Nutrition Program for Women, Infants, and Children (WIC) office trained her as a Breastfeeding Peer Counselor. She loved the job so much, she pursued leadership with La Leche League and was accredited in 2003. Maria then went on to become an International Board Certified Lactation Consultant, and has been working as the Breastfeeding Coordinator and Breastfeeding Peer Counselor Coordinator for Hendry Glades County WIC since 2016. “I knew of La Leche League meetings when my daughter was born, but did not have transportation,” Maria says. “Then I began attending meetings after my son was born. In 2003, I began leading my own meetings in Lehigh Acres; and after moving to Ft. Denaud, I started LLL of Hendry County, taking phone calls and emails. In 2017 I began holding series meeting at the local library, which are ongoing.” Maria joined the Area Council in March 2016, accepting the position of Area Professional Liaison. “I really enjoy doing research on

challenging breastfeeding situations in order to assist parents,” notes Maria. Her responsibilities include serving as a resource for Leaders, providing information and perspective on unusual breastfeeding situations. “I keep an Area-financed file of pertinent and current information and resource materials. I also receive Medical Questionnaire Forms (MQFs), and either respond or forward them to the Associate Professional Liaison Department.” Maria helps Leaders to work with health professionals, as well as to utilize the Professional Liaison Department resources through phone calls, email, and personal correspondence, and by contributing articles. When asked what she enjoys most about her role, Maria says using her knowledge to help parents and other Leaders brings her great satisfaction. She also appreciates all the new things she learns along the way. And like so many other busy Leaders and mothers, Maria says her biggest challenge is balancing her time and making sure she makes room for her favorite hobby: playing Dungeons and Dragons! Thanks, Maria, for all you do and have done for mothers, babies, and Leaders over the past several decades.

Page 8 Baby Beams, LLL of Florida and Caribbean Islands Area Leaders’ Letter, Issue 8 Fall 2019

Getting to Know Area Council Member Maria Richter, Area Professional Liaison

Keith, Maria, Cynthanie and Elric