It’s Spring!

The Butterflies Are Coming

Many of us at TCF hold the butterfly with the utmost regard, for it is the symbol of our child’s life after

death. We think of our children being born into a free

and more beautiful existence after the drudgery of a

caterpillar’s life here on earth.

But what about us? Does the butterfly hold an

even deeper meaning for beavered parents? It seems, in

fact, we have died also. We are never the same after

the death of our child. But can we be transformed into

a beautiful creature? Or are we doomed to be trapped

in the web of a cocoon forever? I believe it is simply a

matter of choice. We can stay in the silken treads,

which we have spun for ourselves. It’s quite safe there.

Perhaps, if we isolate ourselves with a really tough

cocoon, no one can ever reach in far enough to hurt us

again.

But if we take a chance on emerging into a new

person, the light of our children’s love will have a

chance to shine through our formed wings. It won’t be

easy. The grief cocoon holds anger, fear, guilt, and

despair. But we can work through it. In fact, there’s no

going around it. All butterflies must work their way

through an ugly cocoon.

It’s spring. The butterflies are coming. Won’t

you join them?

~Kathie Silief

TCF Tulsa, OK

Just One

More Time How many times have I woke on an Easter morning and smiled, knowing that the baskets were all set, the eggs dyed, and new clothes were waiting? How may times have I watched with joy as the little hands reached for chocolate bunnies and jellybeans? The joy of those mornings will forever be etched in memory, sitting, waiting for a time to be brought to remembrance. The children are grown now, except one, who is forever frozen in time. The egg dye has been put away, the baskets hid in the attic with all the other keep able things from holidays and special events. The children now have children and they go on their way in life, except one, who is frozen in time. The new clothes to be worn are now packed away in storage boxes filled with mothballs, hoping to be kept forever, never to be worn by one gone from my sight. The waking hours of that Easter morn are different now. No longer do I lie in my bed and wait for those sounds of joy and laughter coming down the hall. The children are all grown now, except one, and she is gone from me. She was too old for childish things, stuffed bunnies and jellybeans, yet too young to give it all up. “Just one more year, mama, let me hold on to my youth and enjoy the wonders of that day”, she said. Just one more year. Now she is gone, forever frozen in time, and her memory is engraved in my mind. “Just one more time…”

~Barbara Sockwell, Snellville, GA

In Memory of Ashley Marie Sockwell 1/78-10//96

Behind each dark flower of sorrow

waits a memory of the blessings you shared.

~Sascha Wagner

Counting the years, Blessings and tears, Counting the children Who are gone From this earth. Counting the memories Of times past and done. Blessing the children On earth in this day of life.

~Sascha Wagner

From “For You From Sascha”

Meeting Topics & Info

April 2 - “Healing Flowers, Planting & Sharing” Our grief process helped by nature, butterflies and gardening. Please bring a 4” potted flower to be used for a plant exchange at the end of our meeting. May 7 - “The Metamorphosis of a Bereaved Mother”- changing and emerging from the cocoon.

May 31- Balloon Release/Family Picnic

Welcome New Members

Attending your first meeting takes courage and it is always hard to say “welcome” because we are so very sorry for the reason which made you eligible for our membership in TCF. However, we are glad you found us! We cannot take away your pain but we can offer our friendship and support, Do try and to attend at least 3 meetings so you have a chance to meet others who are bereaved and discover that special acceptance that occurs with new friends who truly understand. New to our chapter are: Bruce Peddie, father of Nigel Jason Stewart, father of Jaycie

Annual

Balloon Release/Family Picnic

Sunday, May 31

More information

next month!

Circle

How do you bear it all? The cry came from a mother

Whose son had died only weeks before. We were in a circle, looking at her, Looking around, looking away, Tears in our hearts, in our eyes.

How do we bear it? I don’t know,

But the circle helps.

~Eve Lager, TCF Western Australia

Eve’s daughter Milya Claudia

Book Review

The Five Ways We Grieve: Finding Your Personal Path

to Healing after the Loss

of a Loved One By Susan A. Berger

In this new approach to understanding the impact of grief, Susan A. Berger goes beyond the commonly held theories of stages of grief with a new typology for self awareness and personal growth. She offers practical advice for healing from a major loss in this presentation of five basic ways, or types, of grieving. These five types describe how different people respond to a major loss. The types are: • Nomads, who have not yet resolved their grief and don’t often understand how their loss has affected their lives. • Memorialists, who are committed to preserving the memory of their loved ones by creating concrete memorials and rituals to honor them. • Normalizers, who are committed to re-creating a sense of family and community. • Activists, who focus on helping other people who are dealing with the same disease or issues that caused their loved one’s death • Seekers, who adopt religious, philosophical, or spiritual beliefs to create meaning in their lives By identifying with one of the types, readers who have suffered a recent loss—or whose lives have been shaped by an early loss—find ways of understanding the impact of the loss and of living more fully. ~Amazon.com

HiddenEmotion

Hidden deep inside my breast is a longing that has been suppressed. The feeling is always there---longing--

longing to see you, to hug you, to know who you are at this time in your existence. It stays hidden for a period of time and then---when I least expect it--- rises to the sur-face and must be tended to. At times I feel as if I cannot breathe, as if I will suffocate trying to suppress the pain. At other times a tear comes from nowhere and trickles down my cheek. Occasionally, something inside of me explodes causing me to weep uncontrollably. I can only guess what causes these unbidden emotions. Is it the song that’s playing on the radio? Can it be the changing of the seasons? Do the budding trees beginning new life cause me to let down my guard? The longing never goes away. I feel like a tight rope walker never knowing if I will make a misstep, causing me to fall into the stream of emotional pain that forces me to cry out, as I long to see you again. With the passing of years, I have learned that if I can hang on for just a little longer, these emotions-- strong as they are---will pass and I can live again with the longing hidden deep inside my breast.

~Shirley Muller TCF Lafayette, IN

Can You Remember?

With winter tumbling snow

-the roses silent and the water ice…

With trees so barren that your mind refuses

to picture leaves and green and even blossoms…

Can you remember, can you feel again, that spring did come

from winter, every year?

~Sascha Wagner The Sorrow and the Light

One Moment in Time

As bereaved parents, we have a line of

demarcation in our lives. This line is like no other. Other people define their lives by that one big career step, move or degree. But in other people’s lives, things are different. We are not like other people. We experienced a clearly defined moment in time when everything changed. The tectonic plates of our lives shifted at one moment on one date of one year. Nothing will ever be the same. We definitively mark the time before and after our child died. Life was different before our child died. It was easy; it was filled with promises of tomorrow, accomplishments, setbacks, goals set and achieved and happiness that abounds in the natural order of life. But our basic assumptions were shattered and our world turned inside out at that one moment in time when our child died. Can we ever feel as optimistic about life as we did before that moment in time? Will we ever again believe that one day we will feel balanced, optimistic and serene? We certainly can, and most parents certainly do. We must do our grief work, face our demons and stand them down. We must talk with others, set limits on what we will tolerate, and hold our line. We must seek counseling, attend seminars, attend TCF meetings or other offerings that give us the support of parents who have lost a child or help us in acquiring skills to cope with our pain and loss. We must take grief breaks in the beginning and for the first year or two. We must take care of ourselves physically, mentally, and emotionally. But most of all we must keep our child with us as we complete our life’s journey. How we choose to complete our journey is unique. The common denominator that all of us share is the need to find a precious flicker of hope which we can nurture and coax to a radiant glow. We all find it in different ways and at different times on our grief journey. But, rest assured, we all find it. I call it “my little light.” One day you will feel the burden lifting. You will laugh about things your child said or did. That moment will gently envelop you. There is hope. Let your little light glimmer and then glow.

Annette Mennen Baldwin TCF Katy, TX

In Memory of my son, Todd Mennen

Was Received From:

Laura Erdmann & Jon Chaitt

In Loving Memory of her son:

Adam Bouziane 4/15 - 10/29

Let the rain kiss you. Let the rain beat upon your head with silver liquid drops. Let the rain sing you a lullaby. The rain makes still pools on the sidewalk. The rain makes running pools in the gutter. The rain plays a little sleep song on our roof at night. And I love the rain.

From: April Rain Song By: Langston Hughes

We remember how you loved the rain…..and we

hope you are singing and dancing in heaven’s rain on your birthday!

Love, Mom, Jon and Ryan

Love GiftsLove GiftsLove GiftsLove Gifts A Love Gift is a wonderful way to remember your child, grandchild, or sibling’s birthday or angel dates or just to say I love you. What better way than to have their photo included in our newsletter along with a special memory, thought or message, article or poem from you. If anyone would like to make a donation in memory of their child, grandchild, or sibling you may give it to Alice or Diane at our meeting or mail it to Alice at 27949 Park Meadow Dr., Canyon Country, 91387. You can also email the info to TCF.SCV@gmail.com Love gifts should be received by the 15th of the month to be placed in the following month’s newsletter. What a special way to share and remember your loved one! Our chapter exists solely on voluntary, tax deductible donations. We thank you in advance for any donations you may be able to give or send. Your donations help to pay the expenses of our newsletter, purchase books & brochures, coffee & refreshments, new member’s packets, our rental space and other miscellaneous supplies. They also fund our annual Balloon Release and Candle Lighting programs. We sincerely appreciate your support!

Ritual A gaze thru blurry window When did it start to rain? Then realize it's just the eyes They're crying once again Emptiness is mighty Deep within begins the ache Intense, this pain that surely Will cause a heart to break Shoulders gently tremble A moaning soft and low Arms tightly wrapped about oneself Body rocking to and fro A ritual of comfort A numbing of the mind A cleansing of the tortured soul A knowing eye made blind Thus begins the healing process Of this I know so well Without you, I fall victim to This mindless cast of spell

~Donna Gerrior

TCF Pasco County, FL In Memory of Rob

If I’d have had the chance to say goodbye, I wouldn’t say goodbye,

I’d say I love you. ~Darcie Sims