issue 6 - november 2011
DESCRIPTION
two7eleven magazine November 2011 Issue # 6 Local People; Local StoriesTRANSCRIPT
Edition 6 - November 2011
Carbon Tax comments
Tasteful Nudes
Heel Condoms
Pet of the Month
Nomadic Notes
Darts Presentation Nights
CWA Success
Pick up a FREE copy at Hills Corner Store, Mackers Meats, Hay Newsagents, Hay Library , Harrisons IGA and Gee Auto Send in your family pictures or interesting news, and leave feedback on your favourite reads Become a two7eleven Supporter ~ $10 / month or $90 / year. All supporters listed in the magazine Sponsor a regular feature ~ $30 sponsorship of Frogs Croak, Hay’s of Our Lives, Horoscopes, Journey of the Heart (serial fiction) or Who~What~Where. $80 sponsorship of double page “Out & About” photographic feature Advertise ~ $1 / square centimeter for one-off ads. (ie. 5cm x 5cm ad = $25) or Banner ad (3cm x full page) - $65 1/4 page - $88 1/2 page - $100 Full page - $155 All Sponsorship or Advertising is invoiced in advance, and tax
deductable for businesses. All ads appear in full colour, and a free design service is offered.
All prices include GST
Two7eleven magazine is published locally, and available on the first Monday of each month. Advertising and features deadlines is the third Thursday of each month. The magazine is also available online at www.two7eleven.webs.com Krista Schade two7eleven @live.com.au Ph 0406 624447 Fax 02 6993 4600
All letters to the Editor, Articles, Feedback, Advertising and Classifieds must be received by the third Monday of each month. Late entries may be held over until later editions. Magazine is published on the first Monday of each month
© Krista Schade 2011
Outback Women ………. 4
CA4SE ………. 5
FB Forum ………. 5
CWA Flower Show ………. 7
Darts Presentation Night ………. 8
A Girls Guide to the Races ………. 10
Heel Condoms ………. 11
Out & About ………. 12
Ex Pat Feature James Clark ………. 14
Journey of the Heart ………. 16
Pet of the Month ………. 17
App of the Month ………. 17
Diary of a Pommie In Northern NSW
………. 18
unexBECted astrology ………. 19
New Crown Hotel Motel 117 Lachlan Street Hay Ph 02 6993 1600
Double Rooms with En Suite Double Rooms with En Suite Double Rooms with En Suite Double Rooms with En Suite $55$55$55$55
Single Rooms with En Suite Single Rooms with En Suite Single Rooms with En Suite Single Rooms with En Suite $45$45$45$45
Meals 7 Days
Lunch 12pm - 2pm Dinner from 6pm
0406 624447 [email protected]
Event? Speak with Linda or Chris about hosting your next celebration at the
Crown!
It’s Spring Racing time! Check out the amazing products from Ex-Pat Anna Spencer, perfect for Hay Race Day.
In another Ex-Pat feature, read about James Clarks adventures, and catch up with Chapter 2 of ‘Journey of the Heart”.
We also have some feedback from the magazines Facebook page - remember; FB users must click “LIKE” on the two7eleven page to receive regular updates, as well as links to the
online magazine, and the photographs used.
Have a great month Krista
Maude ex-pat Sharyn Hedwards has taken part in a calendar shoot, celebrating outback women, and aimed at raising both funds and awareness for
Women in Need (Australia) Women In Need Of Australia is an outreach of the International non-profit W.I.N. (Women In Need) International. There are currently five established outreaches; USA (International), Greece, Australia, South Africa and Pakistan with more outreaches in the beginning stages. W.I.N. Foundation Australia is committed to the emotional health, positive self esteem, promoting a healthy body image for all Australia woman. There are two major programs currently running in Australia which are the Right Living Program and Raise your Standards. Right Living is life changing program that helps build, fix or repair the Broken Emotional System. Our Emotional System can become broken through life's trauma's including abuse, divorce, death, abandonment, addiction or other forms of pain. There are 20 classes in the Right Living Program. Each class provides you with a new life tool that makes love and life work again. More specifically as one is three woman will be abused or assaulted in their lifetime the Right Living program specifically targets the following diseases, conditions and side-effects associated with trauma: - Depression - Post Traumatic Stress Disorder - Anxiety Disorder; Generalised Anxiety Disorder, Panic Disorder, Post Traumatic Stress disorder and Social Anxiety Disorder. Raise Your Standards is our program that targets young woman in high school and university and addresses issues such as alcohol abuse which is aimed at the prevention of alcoholism. More importantly is addresses the side effects of alcohol abuse such as assault and alcohol poisoning. It also educates in the prevention of body dismorphia and promoting positive self esteem. Women In Need of Australia is a non profit organisation and is able to offer its life changing programs through the generosity of the Australian Public and through its sponsors.
Available Soon at Maude Store & Gee Auto
Rob Walker
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390 Alma Street
Hay 2711
026993 2016 or
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Offset Printing Specialist
During November each year, Movember is responsible for the sprouting of moustaches on thousands of men’s faces in Australia and around the world. The aim of which is to raise vital funds and awareness for men’s
health, specifically prostate cancer and depression in men.
Visit www.movember.com to donate, register or purchase merchandise
Community action for suicide
elimination
To Whom it May Concern
We the newly formed group Ca4se invite you to
participate in a forum in Hay to be held in the Function
Room, Hay Services Club, 371 Murray St, Hay on
Wednesday 2nd November at 7pm for community
members and Thursday morning at 10am for service
providers, local councillors, council reps and other
relevant people.
This Forum is to be conducted by CORES (Community
Response to Eliminating Suicide) a community based
group from Kentish in Tasmania. Their award winning
Suicide Intervention program is currently run in 22
communities across Australia.
Their aim as is ours, is to be pro-active and reach people
at risk before they get to crisis point and this Forum is to
provide information on the One day Suicide Prevention
Course which educates people how to identify the basic
early warning signs of someone who maybe at risk of
suicide and the steps that are taken once this has been
identified.
The more skilled people in your community means less
chance of someone at risk not receiving the appropriate
help they need. The course is user friendly and special
skills are not required to complete the course. You will
not be trained as a Counsellor, but you will learn how to
connect to someone at risk to the professional support
available.
Feel free to visit the CORES website www.cores.org.au if
you require any further information.
RSVP to Peter Dwyer 0417 272684, PO Box
222, Hay or email [email protected] by
Friday28th October, 2011
“You Never Know Who You Could Help”“You Never Know Who You Could Help”“You Never Know Who You Could Help”“You Never Know Who You Could Help”
Carbon Tax - Will you be affected? Parra Montgomery responded “It is not a CARBON TAX---It is a Carbon Pricing put on the 500 Top Polluters with the benefits going to the tax payers...Yes, I will be affected.. it will enable tax breaks, increased pensions and clean air for my grand children and their grand children...Can't understand what all the fuss is about by Mr Abbott's scare campaign. He is the ONLY living Liberal leader to be anti Pricing ( previous leaders Messrs Hewson, Howard, Fraser, Turnbull, Nelson are ALL IN FAVOUR of it).. But then again Mr Abbott and his NEGATIVE politics are supported by his cheer squad - Alan Jones, Ray Hadley, Andrew Bolt, Piers Akerman, David Oldfield...not actually noted for their fairness in broadcasting. Mr Oldfield actually is a former One Nation leader - and we know what happened to One Nation and Ms Pauline Hanson and their extreme policies.... Mr Abbott's plan is for the Government to pay the polluters to cut down....and get the money from your Taxes.....which will mean scraping of pension and tax reforms. “
Andrea McFarland reports... The recent CWA Flower Show has been herald a great success, with a total of 658 entries. Judges were overwhelmed with both the number and quality of entries, and their task of judging was enormous. Chief judge, Joan McCallman, who is an old Hay girl commented that she had never seen the amount of entries, or quality of blooms in all her years of judging. Mike Schulz from Riverina Wild Flowers and Natives in Leeton gave a very informative talk about native plants, and also comment on the magnificent display. CWA members and organizers were ecstatic at the wonderful support received for the Flower Show by the community, who willingly contributed arranged flowers and worked tirelessly to make the Show a huge success. At the end of the day, the flowers were formed into bouquets and sent to each patient at Hay Hospital and Hay Days retire-ment home, bringing back many happy memories to the elderly residents, of Hay Flower Shows of the past. On behalf of Hay CWA we thank the Show supporters. Without the support of entrants, the Show would not have been the magnificent display of beautiful flowers and spectacular colour ~ Hay should be very proud of its gardens! Sponsorship for the Show was also overwhelming and we thank all involved and the many entrants for the successful day.
Top Left & Above - Examples of the high quality entries
Top Right - Marie Combs received the top honor
Right - Maries prize winning bloom Photographs - Andrea McFarland
Hay Darts wrapped up another successful year with their
Presentation Night held recently at Hay Services Club.
Sue Johnson took her camera along to the well patronised night, and captured the action
All photos curtsey
Sue Johnson
Hay Darts made another round of donations to local charities, including three Hay schools, Hay Pre School, Hay Plains Chilcare, Haydays, Happy Wanderers (Diabetes Australia), Can Assist, Garry May Hair Shave, Hay Girl Guides and CA4SE organization for suicide prevention (see page 5). Hay Darts also supported Kynan Headon in his travel to the recent National Championships in Darwin. Greg Crocker, Darts spokesperson stated “ Every cent we raise in our competition stays in Hay. All our trophies are bought in Hay, (and) our raffle prizes. Our presentation night is catered by a local organisation.” The next competition is expected to kick off in February 2012.
Thanks to Peter Montgomery for notes
“What a great local Club. Amazing. And we a l l appreciate the fantastic generosity of the work done by players and committee to assist the whole community” Marg Dodson, President Hay Can Assist
So you’re heading to the races? You have your girlfriends ready, and you’re excited, so how to make the most out of your day? Here are some tips… 1. Dress for daytime Ladies, if you bought it for a night club, would wear it to a night club, or found it in a night club, it is not for the races. Remember the Golden Rule - play up one of your assets….not all of them Think well cut dresses and suits. Unleash your inner Princess, and girly up! 2. Dress for the weather We have all done it, but you will enjoy your day at the races more if you are comfortable. Hay Races have seen bitterly cold winds and rain one year and scorching red hot heat the next. Dress appropriately, even if you have to shelve that perfect outfit until next year 3. No Bare heads It’s the Races! Wear a hat, a fascinator, a fancy headband, a fresh flower - but wear something in you hair 4. Shoes Now it the time for all practicality to go straight out the window! Yes, you will be on your feet most of the day, but there is no excuse for bad shoes at the races. Those who don’t like heels can still wear jeweled thongs or sparkly ballet flats. Just make sure any exposed toes or heels are suitable for public viewing after a long winter! I t i s a lm os t impossible to resist the lure of cool grass underfoot after a hard day in 6 inch heels, but try to be discrete. If you are the girl stomping around the race course in grubby bare feet, your friends will remind you of it. Regularly. For a long time. Race day is not the time to break in new shoes - if you have a new pair purchased especially for the Races, wear them around the house for as long as possible prior to the event. Ignore this advise and you’ll hobble at work for a week after.
5. Handbags and essentials Race Day is a long day, so pack the essentials - Money, enough to have a flutter, a meal and your drinks, but not so much you are afraid of losing it. Similarly, leave the bank cards at home - Phone. Useful for calling and texting lost friends, the taxi or your Mum, and for taking pics of you and your girls looking ridiculously pretty - Lip Gloss and touch up makeup - Band aids. Blisters are a bitch on the walk home - Small sunscreen. Spray is excellent, as it can be applied easily and discretely, but all sunscreens have the same charming chemical odour, so you may need to refresh your scent. 6. Drinking This is a sensitive topic; obviously race goers will enjoy a beverage while chatting (and perhaps catching a glimpse of a horse race), but remember this important equation; Sun + alcohol + little / no food = MESSY We have all done it - been bought undone by bubbles in the sunshine, but no ones likes a scene, so keep a tab on what you’re drinking.
Those of you who are yet to be bought undone in public will skim over this point; Those of us you have made very public fools of ourselves know better! 7. Enjoy yourself Soak up the relaxed atmosphere, enjoy the people watching and fashion parades, have a little punt on a nag, and applaud those hard working committee people and generous sponsors who bring us such a great event year in, year out
Sandrysabel Ortiz is the 24 year old young woman entrepreneur behind Heel Condoms. She has a Bachelors Degree in finance from the University of Puerto Rico, spent two summers as an intern in Wall Street with investment banking f irms Goldman Sachs and Citigroup and then worked with an inves tment banking f i rm specialized in distressed assets. After almost a year of working for this last firm, she quit her well paid job to venture into the Womens Footwear Industry with her own line of shoes. At the same time she was finishing an I n t e r n a t i o n a l B u s i n e s s Management Certificate Program at Georgetown University. Like all women, she wanted to fit her closet of shoes into her suitcase, that's when Heel Condoms was born. She thought: "If we dress up, why not dress up our shoes?" Aside from making your shoes different, Heel Condoms protect the heel, hence the name "condom". The name was chosen wisely to serve as a publicity stunt and have it be in everyone's head, whether they loved it or hate it. “ We needed the name to be memorable and Heel Condoms is just that! We knew the name would create a viral effect in terms of marketing in blogs, Internet pages and social webs such as Facebook and Twitter,” she explained. Heel Condoms have been featured in different media outlets such as MSN, Yahoo, NBC, EFE, Caribbean Business, Perez Hilton, Glamour Magazine, InStyle Magazine, Hollyscoop, Huffington Post, among others. This innovative product has also caused stir internationally being featured in numerous magazines and blogs from Netherlands, Israel, China, Japan, Thailand, Italy, Spain, Mexico, Brazil, etc.
The colourful creations are available in two types - The Heel Condom slips over the shoe heel, regardless of heel height, while the Heel Panties wrap around the heel. Another upside of the name is its ability to indirectly promote safe sex practices, which is currently a crucial issue. Women love being asked about their shoes, just so they can say: "Its not the shoe you like, it's the condom!?" Therefore, Heel Condoms is not only used as a fashion statement around the world but also as a conversation piece or a simple ice breaker! Ex-Pat local Anna Spencer is one of just three exclusive agents for Heel Condoms in Australia, and part of the world wide network of distributors.
Anna Spencer
Her Heel Condoms and Heel
Panties are available by contacting her via her
“Heel Condoms Australia” Facebook page or by emailing
0406 624447 [email protected] Got pictures to share?Got pictures to share?Got pictures to share?Got pictures to share?
The Crown Hotel recently held a ‘Mackers Sausages” promo, offering lunch & Dinner customers a sample of the award winning sausages from local butcher Mackers Meats. “I think it’s great that Mackers keep winning the awards, and beating the Italian sausage makers at their own game,” Linda Wright (left) said
Scenes from Hays inaugural Relay for Life
Outback Theatre hosted a fantastic live performance in October, featuring the talents of many of Hays children, as well as showcasing Hays newest exhibition space.
James Clark, son of Jenny & Garry, leads a wonderfully nomadic life as a traveler and writer “Originally from living in Melbourne, I worked in the UK in 1999 and succumbed to a growing wanderlust. On the heels of my time in London I did a working holiday stint in Ireland. At that point, I was hooked on travel, so instead of returning to Australia I decided to try a life of location independence. The rest is history! For the last 8 years, all I’ve required is a laptop, a decent internet connection and a place to rest my head and sleep. My site “Nomadic Notes” chronicles my adventures and travel stories from my life as a working nomad. Most of my work on the road revolves around web deve lopment and t rave l promotion, but I also wanted a side site where I could write about all the food, fun and friends from 8 years on the road. “ T r a ve l Hab i t s , R i t ua l s & Supersittions I have aquired over the years - Blog Article May 2010 I first went overseas in 1995 (to Hawaii) and I got the travel bug immediately. Over this time I have acquired numerous travel habits and superstitions that follow me around the world, and even dictate my travels. I Travel To London Every Year Visiting London at least once a year is something that I make sure I do. I first visited London in 1999 on a working holiday visa. It is from my time in London that I discovered my career in travel and became the traveller that I am today. Every year since then I have been in London at least once. It’s a city I’ll never tire of visiting anyway. I have friends in London, and it is a handy entrance point for travels to the rest of Europe. Part of this tradition though is also a yearly homage to a city that has made me who I am today.
When a man is tired of London, he is tired of life. I Visit The Same Restaurant in London Once a Year As well as visiting London once a year, the most consistent thing I have done in my travels is to go to the same restaurant in London at least once a
year. The restaurant is Pacifico in Covent Garden, which is perhaps the greatest Mexican restaurant in the Eastern Hemisphere. I first went to Pacifico in 1999 when I met a friend from Australia there. He used to travel to London on business four times a year, so I would meet him there whenever we were in London at
Ex Pat Feature Where in the world are Hay’s former residents?
Spotlight on…
James with coffee dealers in Thailand
the same time. As a one time Los Angeles resident he had acquired a taste for Mexican, and had been coming here for years to get his Mexican fix. He has since retired from his business but I continue the tradition in his absence, and I am compelled to text message my presence to him whenever I am there. I Visit Germany Every Year Now this is a hoodoo I can do without. I thought only Germans and people on business visit Germany every year, but I too am a yearly visitor to Germany. This was completely unintended of course. It started out innocently enough. When I was living in Dublin I got a free airline ticket to Germany in a newspaper giveaway. It was to Dussefdorf, in February. Not the first idea for most people when planning a day trip to a European city. It was free and I hadn’t been there so I went, and it was a good day out. The following year it was a 1 pound Ryanair fare. Then I drove through it going somewhere else another year. A World Cup here, visiting friends there, and next thing you know I’ve been there every year since 2003. I was quite happy in my ignorance of this fact, but in 2009 I realised this travel run had occurred, and I accommodated my travel plans to continue the run. I was in the Netherlands near the German border, so it wasn’t a big deal, but now I find myse l f won de r i n g i f I c an accommodate my travel plans around a trip through Germany. I must say that during this unlikely run, I have discovered that I like Germany more than I ever thought I would. I Have A Pre Take-Off Prayer It’s not so much a prayer, rather a reflection on a good life. I love flying, so when I’m sitting in an airline seat taxiing to the runway, I find myself grateful to be flying again. Here we go again – thanks be to the travel gods. I Have An International Currency Wallet I have a wallet dedicated to foreign currency. I have Euros, GBP, USD, RMB and other currencies in small notes, as well as a coin purse with Euro and Pound coins. Part of this is just practicality. As I am in the UK and Eurozone at least once a year it is handy to have the small stuff for when you arrive. Whether it be for bus ticket vending machines or for something to eat upon arrival, having small change beats trying to break a 50 euro note at a kiosk. So this is one part practicality, but there is also some travel voodoo involved as well. I figure if I have a small reserve of a currency I will return to this place eventually. This theory is
p a r t l y m o d e l e d o n E r n e s t Hemingway’s method of writing. He said to avoid writers block he always left something in the well to return to the next day. I apply the same principal with my currency. I also have useful currencies to me such as Thai Baht, Malaysian Ringgit and Swiss Francs. The total amount wouldn’t add up to $100, so the $5 a year in lost interest is more than made up for in good travel energy. I Have A Patron Buddha In Bangkok I picked up this habit from a convicted drug smuggler actually. Go to any second hand book shop in Bangkok and you will always see a copy of ‘Mr Nice’ by Howard Marks. In the book he mentions his love for Bangkok and how he had picked out a Buddha at a Wat, which he then visited every time he was back in the city. I too love Bangkok, and I like the ritual of visiting a Buddha in thanks for being in Bangkok once again. I have modified this tradition to visit a Buddha according to what Wats motto would best help me at the time. (Ed - A WAT is a monastery temple) I Always Have A Ticket To Somewhere Being a travel addict I feel better knowing there is an unused flight to somewhere in my travel documents file. This is similar to my international currency stash theory. Always leave something in the well. As I write this I have six unconsumed flights for the rest of the year. I can’t remember the last time I didn’t have a live ticket available. I don’t know if it would be bad luck for me to not have a flight somewhere booked, but I’m not in a hurry to find out. I’m sure I have other travel habits, rituals and superstitions which I’m not aware that I am doing. I know people who always pack a lucky trinket on their travels, and people who always light a candle in cathedral of a visited city. James Clark’ s Nomadic Notes can be found at nomadicnotes.com, on Facebook, Twitter, Linkedin, You Tube & Google+
Photos from Top
London, England
Mainz, Germany
Cathedral of San Ildefonso -
Mérida, Mexico
Jimi Hendrix statue -
Seattle, US
Victoria Government
Buildings -
Victoria, Canada
Chapter Two A Rebellious Daughter
Mrs. Anna Mizukiyo sat down and
began eating the rice Izumi had so
lovingly prepared. She took no
thought to thank Izumi, or God, for
her meal. Anna had noticed the
omission, however, for the voice of
her childhood in America came
rushing back, as if it had been
yesterday.
"God bless this food ... (in a
whisper) did I say it right, Daddy?"
How happy were those memories!
Then her mind sped to the day she
announced to her parents that she
was getting married.
"Guess what? I'm getting married!"
Her parents' faces turned grave
though, when she told them who
she was going to marry.
"Anna, he's not a professing
Christian. We forbade you from
ever seeing him again. And not
because he's Japanese, (her father
added, seeing the words on Anna's
tongue), but because he openly
defies God by his speech and
actions. He 'is loud and stubborn;'
his 'feet abide not in [his]
house.'" (Proverbs 7:11)
"But Daddy, I love him! and he
loves me, I know he does! He
wouldn't have asked me to marry
him if he didn't!" Anna's father sat
down on the sofa beside her and
looked into the blue eyes of his
only child.
"Anna, what did Christ say true
love was?" He picked up his Bible
and turned it to John 14:15 and 24.
"If ye love Me, keep My
Commandments... He that loveth
Me not keepeth not My sayings:
and the word which ye hear is not
Mine, but the Father's which sent
Me."
"Daddy, where does it say in the
Bible that I can't marry someone
who isn't a Christian? Where?"
Anna's "where" had an
unmistakable ring of defiance in it.
Her father patiently read Second
Corinthians 6:14.
"Be ye not unequally yoked
together with unbelievers: for what
fellowship hath righteousness with
unrighteousness? and what
communion hath light with
darkness?"
There was a pause of silence
before he spoke again. "Anna, you
know this
verse by
heart. I'm not
reading it to
you for the
first time. To marry a non-believer
would be sin. For 'To him that
knoweth to do good, and doeth it
not, to him it is sin.' (James 4:17)
You know better." Anna shook her
head.
"I don't see how it's sin to marry
someone I love!" As she said this,
Anna left her parents' home, and
turned her back on everyone who
truly loved her. The next day she
got married and left America, to
live with her husband in Japan.
Anna tried to suppress these
painful memories, but they came
crashing through her consciousness
as a giant wave pounds the sand.
Anna thought of the day Izumi was
born. She was so proud of her
baby! Anna could still see the
abundance of beautiful, black hair
crowning Izumi's tiny head . And
those wide blue eyes! Nurses from
every department of the hospital
would come, and gaze at the
beautiful Japanese baby with blue
eyes. Every feature of Izumi's face
was Japanese, except those clear
pools of blue staring up at her
mother. How special Anna thought
her new baby was!
Then Anna remembered her
husband's reaction to his new baby
daughter. "Onna no ko," (Japanese
for "girl"), he muttered angrily,
"what do I want with a girl? I must
have a son! I am the eldest son of
my father, and someday, all he has
I will inherit. I must have a son to
pass on the honored name of my
family, and keep the inheritance in
my name!" Anna had never seen
him so angry before. It frightened
her. The days that followed Izumi's
birth were check marked with
vivid memories of beatings and
abuse. It had never stopped, really.
The day Izumi was born, her
husband stopped pretending he
loved her. However,
Anna would never
admit this, even
though she knew it
to be true.
"He loves me," she would argue.
"After all, we have been through a
lot, and he has never left me. He
would have left me if he didn't love
me. That proves it!"
"Seventeen years," she sighed.
"can it really be so long ago?" She
took another bite of rice.
"Someday, I want to go back to my
home on Three Mile Bay, New
York. I believe Dad & Mom left
the house to any children I might
have. That's what it had said in the
will, when they died. Knowing my
parents, they were 'praying' for my
children, and thought they would
need a place of refuge or
something." At that thought, Anna
angrily slammed her rice bowl
down on the lacquer table. "As if
Izumi needed refuge!"
"Appoint out for you cities of
refuge"
~ Joshua 20:2 ~
"He that loveth not knoweth not
God; for God is love."
~ 1 John 4:8 ~
Legal Disclaimer: The characters and events depicted in these love stories are fictitious, and should not to be interpreted as medical advice, diagnosis or treatment. Any similarity to actual
persons, living or dead, is purely coincidental.
Copyright: These original love stories are copyright © 1998-2011 by Sarah L. Fall (a.k.a. Judith Bronte). All rights reserved.
Reproduced with permission
A novel by Judith Bronte
The day Izumi was born, her husband stopped pretending he
loved her
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Rural Australian Computer Terminology
LOG ON: Adding wood to make the barbie hotter. LOG OFF: Not adding any more wood to the barbie. MONITOR: Keeping an eye on the barbie.. DOWNLOAD: Getting the firewood off the Ute. HARD DRIVE: Making the trip back home without any cold tinnies. KEYBOARD: Where you hang the Ute keys. WINDOW: What you shut when the weather's cold. SCREEN: What you shut in the mozzie season.. BYTE: What mozzies do. MEGABYTE: What Townsville mozzies do. CHIP: A bar snack. MICROCHIP: What's left in the bag after you've eaten the chips. MODEM: What you did to the lawns. LAPTOP: Where the cat sleeps. SOFTWARE: Plastic knives & forks you get at Red Rooster. HARDWARE: Stainless steel knives & forks - from K-Mart. MOUSE: The small rodent that eats the grain in the shed. MAINFRAME: What holds the shed up. WEB: What spiders make. WEBSITE: Usually in the shed or under the verandah. SEARCH ENGINE: What you do when the Ute won't go. CURSOR: What you say when the Ute won't go. YAHOO: What you say when the Ute does go. UPGRADE: A steep hill. SERVER: The person at the pub who brings out the counter lunch. MAIL SERVER: The bloke at the pub who brings out the counter lunch. USER: The neighbour who keeps borrowing things. NETWORK: What you do when you need to repair the fishing net. INTERNET: Where you want the fish to go. NETSCAPE: What the fish do when they discover the hole in the net ONLINE: Where you hang the washing. OFFLINE: Where the washing ends up when the pegs aren't strong enough.
LICENCED BUILDER
PO Box 302 Hay NSW 2711
P 02 6993 1933
Geoff Davis 0429 684 494
Craig Millan 0423 309 385
Email [email protected]
Builders Licence Number: 191736C
ABN: 17 631 317 055
DIARY OF A POMMIE IN NORTHERN NEW SOUTH WALES.
August 31 - Just got transferred with work from Leeds UK to our new home in New South Wales. Now this is a town that knows how to live! Beautiful, sunny days and warm, balmy evenings. I watched the sunset from a deckchair by the pool yesterday. It was beautiful. I've finally found my new home. I love it here. September 13 - Really heating up now. It got to 31 today. No problem though. Living in air-conditioned home, driving air-conditioned car. What a pleasure to see the sun every day like this. I'm turning into a sun-worshipper. September 30th- Had the back yard landscaped with tropical plants today. Lots of palms and rocks. No more mowing lawns for me. Another scorcher today, but I love it here. October 10th - The temperature hasn't been below 35 all week. How do people get used to this kind of heat? At least today it's windy though. Keeps the flies off a bit. Acclimatizing is taking longer than I expected. October 15th - Fell asleep by the pool yesterday. Got third degree burns over 60% of my body. Missed three days of work. What a dumb thing to do! Got to respect the ol' sun in a climate like this. October 20th - Didn't notice Kitty (our cat) sneaking into the car before I left for work
this morning. By the time I got back to the car after work, Kitty had died and swollen up to the size of a shopping bag and stuck to the upholstery. The car now smells like Whiskettes and cat crap. I've earned my lesson though: no more pets in this heat. October 25 - This wind is a bastard. It feels like a giant blow dryer. And it's hot as hell! The home air conditioner is on the blink and the repair man charged $200 just to drive over and tell me he needs to order parts from bloody Sydney .... October 30th - The temperature's up around 40 and the parts still haven't arrived for the bloody aircon. Been sleeping outside by the pool for three nights now. Bloody $600,000 house and we can't even go inside. Why the hell did I ever come here? November 4 - Finally got the ol' aircon fixed. It cost $1,500 and gets the temperature down to around 25 degrees, but the humidity makes it feel about 30. Stupid repairman. November 8 - If one more smart alick says 'Hot enough for you today?' I'm going to throttle him. Damn heat! By the time I get to work, the car's radiator is boiling over, my clothes are soaking *&#@ wet and I smell like baked cat! November 9Tried to run some errands after work, wore shorts, and sat on the black leather upholstery in the ol' car. I thought my freakin’ butt was on fire. I lost two layers of
flesh, all the hair on the backs of my legs and my freakin’ backside. Now the car smells like burnt hair, fried butt and baked cat! November 10- Weather report! It might as well be a bloody recording. Hot and sunny. Hot and sunny, Hot and &%#@ sunny! It's been too hot to do anything for two bloody months and the weatherman says it might really warm up next week. November 15- Doesn't it ever rain in this damn place? Water restrictions will be next, so my $5,000 worth of palms might just dry up and blow into the pool. The only things that thrive in this hell-hole are the bloody flies. You don't dare open your mouth for fear of swallowing half a dozen of the buggers! November 20th- Welcome to HELL! It got to 45 &$#@* degrees today. Now the air conditioner's gone in my car. The repair man came to fix it and said, 'Hot enough for you today?' I had to spend the $2,500 mortgage payment to bail me out of jail for assaulting the stupid mongrel. Bloody Australia! What kind of sick, demented idiot would want to live here! December 1 - WHAT!!!! The first day of Summer!!!! You have got to be kidding me..................
Many thanks to Karen Biggs for sharing this gem
Gee Auto will close Friday 4th
November & reopen
Monday 5th December at 9am
Aries Things are looking up this month! After this negative thingy passes through your financial zone, you will soon be so rich that you will need to invest in a larger wallet. Some luck Arians could even win the lottery or scratch up a nest egg on a scratchie. Just remember to scratch right to left or you won’t win anything.
Taurus Your life will be like a hamburger this month. There will be meaty bits and maybe a little bit of sauce but mainly it will be fluffed up with boring old salad. You will be completely bored with your existence so try and spice things up by shaving your head or doing something completely crazy, you’ll feel totally refreshed.
Gemini Something great will happen for you this month. Swan around, wear your good undies and feel free to ignore the opinions of others as this is your time to shine. If anyone tries to steal your thunder, run at them with crazy eyes and take them out at the knees. The police will understand and show extreme leniency.
Cancer This month you should tune into the animal that your sign is ruled by. This will allow you to connect with your inner most desires and allow you to show your true personality. Walk sideways making your hands look like claws. If other people get to close to you, especially at the ATM, pinch them- you can get away with it.
Leo Are you planning an overseas trip? If so, you should cancel it. Don’t take any risks this month, the reflective solar negative influences and shifts will be affecting your travel zone. This significant astrological event will cause an aeroplane to mysteriously run out of fuel if you are on it. If you’re not on it, it will be fine. It is just you that has to go without.
Virgo Wow! Have you paid any attention to your physical appearance lately? It needs some love. Take a day off and pamper yourself this month. Rid yourself of those hairy, scary, scaly areas that are drawing attention when you appear in public. Heed this advice before someone calls the ranger.
Libra It’s all about balance for you Libra. You need to get the balance back in your life. Only you can know how to do that. Only you knows what is out of balance. If you are not sure what is imbalanced, then what are you worried about? Why worry about things that aren’t there? You can be a bit silly sometimes. Put some effort into growing up this month.
Scorpio If you are guilty of telling a few little fibs lately, you need to be honest and set those porky’s straight. Even if you have been fibbing to yourself - Come clean while looking in the mirror. However if a story needs a little exaggeration to make it more interesting, slip a few bits in, people will appreciate it as you can be a little boring at times.
Sagittarius Your stars are aligning this month, someone special has you in their sights and they won’t stop until they pin you down and marry you. It’s not too late to marry them first though. If you are already married, you may have the overwhelming desire to take photos of other married people. You should seek help for this as it is a little bizarre. Pull yourself together.
Capricorn A friend of yours is acting very strange. You don’t need to support them because you are far too good for that. Walk away from the drama without explaining, but first make sure that you collect all of your DVD’s, CD’s and any other item they have typically borrowed and not returned. Change your phone number and only make contact through your solicitor.
Aquarius If a friend of yours takes unexpected legal action against you this month, give them continual prank calls and put honey under the door handles of their car. Give them something to whinge about; after all you don’t deserve this treatment- they do. When they ask for the DVD’s and CD’s you borrowed, say that you returned them ages ago - Don’t give in.
Pisces Pack your bags this month and pretend you’re going on a holiday. Wear your swimmers to work and really get into the spirit. Take a blender and mix up cocktails for clients/customers, but only after 11am. Enjoy the tropical influence Uranus has on your stars this month and lap up some much needed relaxation while getting paid to wear thongs.
SPECIALISING IN DOMESTIC & COMMERCIAL - SPIDERS & FLY CONTROL
RODENT CONTROL - BEES & WASPS TIMBER PEST INSPECTIONS - TERMITE TREATMENT
CHEMICAL & NON-CHEMICAL RELIABLE SERVICE WITH FOLLOW UP
EXCELLENT REFERENCES AVAILABLE
WITH THESE WARMER MONTHS COMING, GET YOUR
HOME OR BUSINESS TREATED BY THE PROFESSIONALS, AND ENJOY YOUR SUMMER