THE NEW WAVE OF KID’S MUSIC ALEJANDRO JODOROWSKYART STARS OF TOMORROW

VOL 5 ISSUE 39 • FREE

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DJ TOUR MaY 25Th, 2007: 9pM — 2aMFEaTURINgReuben Wu & MiRa aRoyopLUS DJSbRyce Dunn & MaRch 21 (ciRclesquaRe)

TICkET pRICE $15 FoR MoRe inFoRMation go to:ionmagazine.ca oR myspace.com/ionmagazine

PLEASE DRINK RESPONSIBLY.BACARDI AND THE BAT DEVICEARE REGISTERED TRADEMARKSOF BACARDI AND COMPANY LTD.

TaBLE OF CONTENTS10 Editor’s Letter I got a job right here for ya.12 ION the Prize 14 Of the Month Cats with MySpace pages as well as movies by Darren Aronofsky,

Guillermo Del Toro and Bobcat Goldthwait.46 Tales of Ordinary Madness That crazy guy on the bus who told you he had a

chip planted in his brain so the government could track his actions was actu-ally Sam.

47 Horoscopes The angstmaster of the Teen Angst Poetry night, Sara Bynoe, is reading the stars for us this month. And what do the stars say? The whole world is out to get you and you hate your overbearing mom so you just wanna die, of course.

48 The Perry Bible Fellowship

ART16 Nouveaux Bohemians Four enthusiastic graduates from art schools across

Canada that are about to have their dreams of making it as artists crushed by the cold and crippling reality of the art world.

FAShION20 Me(ël) Just like honey.22 Body of Text Fashion editorial shot by Caitlin Cronenberg.

FILM28 Alejandro Jodorowsky When John Lennon’s favourite filmmaker says he wears

a glove made of women’s skin, he’s not speaking literally. We really can’t stress this enough.

kID’S MUSIC32 Dustin Bentall This alt-country songsmith is also Barney Bentall’s kid. Get why

he’s in the kid’s music section now? 38 Child’s Play A look at music for kids and music by kids. Featuring The Muldoons

and Tiny of Masters of Today. 44 Album Reviews Proof that kids really are the harshest critics.

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El Kartel on Robson Royce on Broadway

Volume 5 Number 4 Issue 39

Publisher Vanessa Leigh vanessa@ionmagazine.ca

Editor in Chief Michael Mann editor@ionmagazine.ca Arts & Culture Editor Jennifer Selk jen@ionmagazine.ca Fashion Editor Vanessa Leigh fashion@ionmagazine.ca Acting Film Editor Michael Mann film@ionmagazine.ca Music Editor Bryce Dunn bryce@ionmagazine.ca Copy Editors Agata Zurek, Ania Mafi Editorial Interns Mariz Manansala, Patricia Matos

Photo Editor Fiona Garden photos@ionmagazine.ca Art Director Danny Fazio danny@ionmagazine.ca Associate Art Director Erin Ashenhurst erin@ionmagazine.ca Design Assistant Leslie Ma leslie@ionmagazine.ca

Advertising Jenny Goodman jenny@ionmagazine.ca Advertising Accounts Manager Natasha Neale natasha@ionmagazine.ca

Contributing Writers: Sara Bynoe, Filmore Mescalito Holmes, Sam Kerr, Emily Khong, Sasha Langford, Mariz Manansala, Nathalie Marrable, Patricia Matos, Adam Menceles, Adam Simpkins Contributing Photographers & Illustrators: Toby Marie Bannister, Trevor Brady, Caitlin Cronenberg, Nicholas Gurewitch, Evaan Kheraj, Jason Lang, Mark Maryanovich, Kate Nosen, Mike Shantz

ION is printed 10 times a year by the ION Publishing Group. No parts of ION Magazine may be reproduced in any form by any means without prior writ-ten consent from the publisher. ION welcomes submissions but accepts no responsibility for the return of unsolicited materials. All content © Copyright ION Magazine 2006

Hey PR people, publicists, brand managers and label friends, send us stuff. High- resolution jpegs are nifty and all, but it’s no substitute for the real thing. Clothing, liquor, iPhones, CDs, vinyl, DVDs, video games, and a Wii can be sent to the address below. We’re serious about the Wii.

3rd Floor, 300 Water Street. Vancouver, BC, Canada. V6B 1B6 Office 604.696.9466 Fax: 604.696.9411 www.ionmagazine.ca feedback@ionmagazine.ca

Cover Photography: Mario Miotti Model: Liam (Next Toronto) Make-up: Jordana Maxwell (Judy inc.)

Prod Mgr.: DCAcct Exec.: SWArt Director: Copy Writer: ??Operator: JDRev. Op.:

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AD#:4306D Pub: ION MagazineVersion: Sky over Diamonds

46-4306D_ION_Mag.indd 1 11/27/06 10:13:57 AM

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DON’T qUIT YOUR DaY JOBWords Michael Mann Photography Toby Marie Bannister

Don’t bitch at me that you can’t find a job. There are jobs everywhere. Good ones where you can get rich quick with no employable skills. Why just the other day a nice man named Chris from Prim-erica called me up and offered me a job based on my management and customer service skills (full disclosure: they’re lacklustre at best). With a name like Primerica, how can you not trust it? If I started a company I’d call it Greatanada. Problem is Chris didn’t really tell me what the job would be, what it paid or how he got my number. So I called him back before my interview to get a little more information. I hope this serves as an inspiration for others who think they’ll never have the world handed to them on a silver platter.

Hey Chris I’m supposed to come in for an interview tomorrow and I was hoping to get some more information off you now. No problem. So we set up an interview for tomor-row at….

Noon.Excellent. So sorry… the information that I didn’t give you?

Oh, I’m just wondering about the job and your company.That’s the sole purpose for me inviting you out to the office tomorrow: To give you the information.

I’m a little puzzled here. Why is it a group in-terview if you’re looking for people with man-agement skills? Right now we find it’s much more effective to get information into people’s hands. We want to give them a really clear perspective. It’s more of a fil-tration process. If it sparks an interest with people then we can proceed to a one on one afterwards.

Are you guys gonna try and sell me anything at this group interview?I’m sorry, what do you mean by that?

Are you going to try and sell me something?

Like an information package or a training kit.No.

Okay, well I know there are a lot of places that randomly call people for job interviews but they’re actually trying to sell you something.Well no no no… if you are able to come out, just ask for me at the front desk….

I was reading online and a lot of people have written that you’re a pyramid scheme. Are you a pyramid scheme?I’m not quite sure what you mean.

Well it’s where you bring people in and try to sell them on something vague and they in turn try to sell other people on something vague. Pyramid? You work at The ION right now?

Yep.You have someone you work for?

Yep.Don’t all corporations start at the top and…?

Well I’m really not getting a whole lot of in-formation out of you and I’m a little worried I’m going to come out there and not want this job you’re offering me. I don’t want to waste

anyone’s time. We’re the marketing and distribution arm for Citi-group. We’re looking for people who might be in-terested in being in business for themselves. And earn anywhere in between 15 and six figures by their second year.

Oh okay, so it’s sales?We help people get their finances in order in terms of getting out of debt and preparing for retirement.

So what exactly are these jobs that you’re hir-ing for?Well you might as well not even come on down, seeing as we’re doing an interview over the phone.

Can you tell me what the jobs are?There are a lot of people I need to call right now. Obviously you’re very happy where you’re at.

Yeah.So that’s no problem. But I do appreciate you get-ting back to me to let me know that you won’t be able to make it down. I wish you all the best.

Thank you Chris.

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paRaSUCO Photography Evaan Kheraj

The prize this month is an assortment of clothing from Parasuco. Founded in 1975, Salvatore Parasuco began reinventing the jean in his parents’ basement in Mon-treal. After years of trials and tribulations, Parasuco managed to garner a reputation amongst hipsters and trendsetters of every era and gained international clout to boot. The brand, which has expanded to include casual wear from CULT and Mademoiselle, is still growing in newer and younger mar-kets everyday.

To enter, go to www.ionmagazine.ca

Hair & Make-up LucyAnne Botham (Theyrep.com) Model Jazmine (richardsmodels.com)

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DVDPan’s labyRinthpan’s Labyrinth is a visually stunning adult fairy tale set in fascist... oh fuck it. The only reason we’re reminding you that this film is out on DVD is so we can print another picture of the Pale Man. What can you say about Guillermo Del Toro’s Os-car winning masterpiece that hasn’t already been said? How about this, I’m going to build a small alter to this DVD in my apartment. Once a month I will draw eyeballs on my hands then proceed to light candles in front of this DVD in the hopes of summoning a faun or some fairies. Just watch this movie already.

DVDsleePing Dogs lieThe title’s old adage is completely warranted in this surprisingly emotional and intelligent film, written and directed by that guy from the police academy movies, Bobcat Goldthwait. What be-gins as a sick joke turns out to be the darkest and most painful secret Amy (Melinda Page Hamilton) lets out and subsequently struggles to hide. After letting her fiancé (Bryce Johnson) know she blew her dog in college, the shit hits the fan when her eavesdropping, meth-smoking, keyboard virtuoso brother (Jack Plotnick) announces it to the family. Despite the plot’s seemingly obvious punchline, sleeping Dogs Lie is thoughtful and realistic in its approach to a surreal situation.

DVDthe FountainDirector Darren Aronofsky (pi, Reqiuem for a Dream) is back and this time he has a budget to work with. Three stories, three time periods, one love story staring Rachel Weisz and Hugh Jack-man. Jackman plays a 16th century conquistador looking for the fountain of youth, a modern day neurosurgeon trying to cure his ailing wife, and a 26th century zen-like monk floating through outer space in a bubble. Watch in awe as all three stories weave together in Aronofsky-ian fashion. Don’t let the fact that this movie was one of the biggest box office bombs of 2006 discourage you, there’s more here than eye candy, though we’d be lying if we said the eye candy isn’t the best thing about it. Another bonus is it won’t make you want to slit your wrists like Reqiuem did. .

gaMEPRince oF PeRsia: Rival sWoRDsprince of persia : Rival swords is a remake of last year’s Gamecube hit, prince of persia: The Two Thrones. Instead of sitting calmly on your couch and pressing buttons, you now get to wildly flail your WiiMote and Nunchuk around as you run up walls, spin on poles and kill those who would stand in your way. Personally, I also yelled a lot more, but that may just be me. One nice feature is the ability to rewind gameplay if you acciden-tally do a move that kills you; valuable if you are often distracted by your stifling, loudmouth roomate or if you accidentally hit your roomate in the middle of a move to shut him up. If you’ve played the Gamecube version, there isn’t much here for you. If you’ve never played The Two Thrones then Rival swords is a nice break from the usual Wii offerings.

pETsakuRaThis MySpace shit is getting kind of ridiculous. Ac-counts are increasing at a rapid rate but they’re not run by people. It’s all marketers trying to sell you something and house cats. Sakura’s profile reads “I’ve had a tough life. My parents Robairt and Jake split up, I lived in a van for a while when my best friend was poisoned, and I was aban-doned when my second mom ran into tough times. Alexis and Rheanna paid my bail after I was in for many weeks (and those jailers called me by some other name while I was there!).” Remark-ably, if you change a few names around, the ION editor’s profile reads exactly the same. www.myspace.com/sakurathekitty.

CONTRIBUTORcaitlin cRonenbeRgAfter graduating from Ryerson University with a degree in Fashion Design in 2006, Caitlin Cronenberg decided to forgo the fashion world to pursue a career in photography, a field she has had a passion for since childhood. Starting out shooting for a local community newsmagazine as well as doing freelance work, she has since been published in an assortment of publications including Elle Canada and Hello! Magazine, as well as working for several production compa-nies, television shows, and creating album covers and doing live photo shoots for musicians. She is currently working on a large personal art proj-ect, and with her academic background provid-ing her a sharp eye for sartorial style, she will be working on many more fashion-oriented shoots in the near future. www.caitlincronenberg.com

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NOUVEAUX BOhEMIaNSa SNapShOT OF FOUR aRT SChOOL gRaDSWords Jen Selk

What is your inspiration? I’m really inter-ested in how personal perception shapes how we see and experience our world. I don’t believe in objective truth or reality and I think everyone has a totally unique view of their surroundings. I have made small paper sculptures that are, at the same time, a houseplant, an alien organ-ism and a suburban landscape.Why ACAD? I was born and raised in Cal-gary and I’ve known that I wanted to be an artist since I was four or five. I was making drawings all the time and I really looked up to my artist uncle. My parents told me that Calgary had an art school, so I actu-ally decided very early on that I wanted to attend.Worst thing about it? The politics at the

school are a little hairy right now. The school might be moved, because the cur-rent campus is owned by SAIT Polytechnic, and is also badly in need of updating. It seems like the current students do not see the money that the school is making right now. Future students will be able to have a state-of-the-art, brand new space, but there are rumors that the fine arts department might come second to design. It is frustrat-ing too that many administrative decisions are being made for financial gain. What’s next? I want to move out of my parent’s house, get a job in the art com-munity, and try being a real-live adult artist—but if that doesn’t work out, I’ll go back to school to get my Masters. Like most optimistic and naïve art graduates,

I am in pursuit of the dream to sustain myself solely off of my artwork, but as it stands, I would probably have to move to a bigger city to hit the big bucks. However, if ACAD has taught me anything, it’s that community is the most essential thing to a practicing artist. I am so encouraged by ACAD students and recent grads that aren’t immediately dumping Calgary for a culturally established city like Montreal or New York. They want to see Calgary improved and get some ground-breaking ideas and projects rolling; an artist should put just as much into the community as they expect to receive.

Who: Jenine MarshWhere: Alberta College of Art and Design (ACAD)Medium: Painting,Sculpture, Drawing and Installation

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What’s your inspiration? I think qual-ity art is sincere and approachable, so I aim for that I guess… I am often in-spired by road trips. Let’s jump in a car and go to Cold Lake or Concrete—you always come across something bril-liant.Why ECIAD? I was studying science at UBC but my heart just wasn’t in it, so I decided to try something else. ECI has the best darkrooms in the coun-try. Also, Vancouver has a very specific photo history, which can be suffocat-ing at times, but in the end makes it a great place to study photography.

Worst thing about it? Right now pho-tography is struggling with the transi-tion into digital. We just don’t have the right equipment or tech support for students who want to work digitally. There have been major budget cuts to photography, increased class sizes, tiny classrooms and understaffing in the workshops and studios. At the same time there is lots of money flowing into very specific programs at the Institute such as the new “Intersections Digital Studio.” It’s frustrating. Also, I would say from my experience that students aren’t pushed or challenged enough.

It’s a very self-directed process, which can be good for making art, but I think students would benefit from a bit more rigor. It’s way too easy to slack off and still float through the program.What’s next? Next year I plan to do a diploma in Art History at UBC. ECI doesn’t really have enough variety in academic courses, and I definitely had a hard time focusing on academics during my studio degree. I want to go on to do a Masters, so whether it’s an MFA or curatorial/museum studies, I’ll need a solid academic base.

Who: Rose BouthillierWhere: Emily Carr Institute of Art and Design (ECIAD)Medium: Photography

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What have you been doing lately? I have been shooting nude models for the past year and a half. Trying to get the models, and setting up my own fake studio in my small apartment has been the most chal-lenging part of it. My paintings started out coming from my photographs—I abstract them and make them nonrepre-sentational.Why Concordia? I had only heard good things about the Art Department and I knew that’s what I wanted to pursue. It was close to my house, it was a small campus and I got a pretty good scholarship. I was

hesitant to attend, at first, because I am not really religious and it’s a Lutheran university, I wasn’t sure what that would bring.Did it live up to your expectations? It did, for the most part. I expected it to be dif-ficult since the school was religious, with a large conservative population. But besides that, being in the art department did give me a lot more than I could have imagined. All of my professors are extremely talent-ed artists and I have learned a lot from them. The relationships that I have built, with all of them, are so much more than

strictly professor and student.What’s next? I have sent resumes to photography studios, art museums, etc. I have also worked on my university’s newspaper as the art editor, and I love it, so I may try to pursue something journal-istically as well. I am going to just work a lot, save money, pay off loans. I have a lot of opportunities to travel in my col-lege career, so someday, probably a very distant someday, I will just do nothing but travel and work on my art.

Who: Hannah DorowWhere: Concordia University, MontrealMedium: Oil Painting and Photography

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What’s your inspiration? Most of my inspiration comes from popular cul-ture; music, literature, the Discovery Channel, tabloids, infotainment, Ste-phen Colbert and a lifetime of critical observation.Why OCAD? Hearing other student’s experiences from both OCAD and other schools that offered arts and/or design programs, the opportunity to gain knowledge at the same time as learn skills (which sets OCAD apart from a technical or community col-lege) and come out with a bachelors degree which can be applied to gradu-ate studies, these were all important deciding factors for me.Was it everything you expected? Yes and no. While I got almost everything I wanted from my career as an arts stu-dent (apart from glass blowing, which was cut from the curriculum here back

in the 80s, as it was deemed a craft), I feel my short-lived stint in graphic design was quite disappointing. The methods used by some instructors in my first year of graphic design were best suited for the arts stream. The projects and formats requested by instructors worked best as art rather than design, and as the work I was handing in was not deemed accept-able by the faculty I chose to not at-tempt to change myself and instead I changed my setting and switched to an arts non-major until I found a niche in printmaking.OCAD has a lot of different art pro-grams. Which is best? Of all the pro-grams at OCAD, I feel that printmaking is the best. It encourages a community spirit, something that is sorely lacking in other programs at the school. In some other programs students would

break down into tears or take it as a personal attack if you told them dur-ing a critique, for example, that you felt their blue was too vibrant and distract-ing.What’s the worst thing about the school? Unfortunately the bureaucra-cy of OCAD is riddled with many faults. The administration, financial services, plant services, and over priced and un-necessary security guards rarely help students. Also, too much emphasis is put on the Sharp Center for Design (an OCAD expansion building com-pleted in 2004), or as we endearingly call it, The Stilt Monster, which is hon-estly nothing spectacular. It is mostly empty rooms and computers, yet so much emphasis is placed on it and the design program that the rest of the school and student body suffers.

Who: Pablo RiosWhere: Ontario College of Art and Design (OCAD)Medium: Printmaking

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In Fall 2005, amidst disposable trends, cookie- cutter style and painfully ridiculous runway wear one talented designer decided to help us out, show a little mercy, and bring back the fun. Infusing refreshingly playful individuality and the “sweet-ness of femininity,” Montreal-based Nana Sanan-ikone and her dedicated design team launched Me(ël). This honey-drenched fashion statement quickly became a must-have, swooping down to rescue the desperately overwhelmed girlie girl.

“We take pride in knowing that our clothes don’t need to be over-the-top to be noticed,” explains Janina Romisher, international brand manager and Sananikone’s business partner. “Extra details are never just thrown together. They are most definitely thought about and,

naturally, that gives us the edge.”You should be no stranger to Industry Cloth-

ing, Me(ël)’s high fashion sister line, if you’re constantly searching for the unique. While In-dustry is loud style successfully personified, with Me(ël), Sananikone desired to expand her audi-ence even further. Me(ël) is calmer, a bit more boardwalk meets devil-may-care, and utterly ir-resistible. Easy breezy tunics and dresses top the wish list for spring with new colours and light-weight material. Throw on some leggings and a hot heel for the adventurous night out or pair with flip-flops, West Coast style. Me(ël)’s easy fit flatters pin-thin to curviest of curves.

“Anyone from little miss girl-next-door to the inevitable ‘yummy mummy’ wears Me(ël),” quips

Romisher. “We may have classic cut pieces in one boutique, then right down the street hang our apple prints and polka dots!”

Make no mistake, Me(ël) is more than readily available for the picking, but if there’s one thing the company has no time for, it’s less-than-perfect representation. Boutiques are assessed to make sure they take noble pride in the picking of clothes. As Romisher explains: “Made by the crème de la crème, chosen by the crème de la crème.”

Astonishingly affordable, this line isn’t made to stay on the hanger but to be worn…a lot. Rom-isher’s passion is palpable as she emphasizes, “A Me(ël) girl is someone who can pull on one of our pieces, walk out the door thirty seconds later, and feel sincerely confident.”

JUST LIkE hONEYME(ëL)Words Nathalie Marrable Photography Trevor Brady

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Hair & M

ake-up Dana Mooney M

odel Kaleigh for TalentCo Styling Jessica Lynn

PhotograPhy Caitlin Cronenberg

Produced & styled Julia Che for lotusleaf.ca

MakeuP & hair Eryn Shannon for the artist group

Models Crystal Ash for Ford and Darius for stylus

PREVIOUS SPREAD: Labradorite and Rose Quartz, The Beadery.

THIS PAGE: Necklace, The Beadery. RIGHT: (Her) Sunglasses, Valentino; Bangles, Holt Renfrew. (Him) Sunglasses, Dolce &

Gabbana

THIS PAGE: Necklace, The Beadery. RIGHT: Obsidian and Gold-filled Spacer Beads, The Beadery.

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STEp INTO ThE JODOVERSEALEJaNDRO JODOROwSkYWords Michael Mann

History lesson time. In 1970, The Beatles are broken up and John Lennon is living in New York with Yoko Ono. Lennon is screening his experimental art films at a theatre called the Elgin in the Chelsea district. Naturally, the New York hipster elite show up to see these movies. Not necessarily for the films, but you can smoke pot in the Elgin. One night in Decem-ber 1970, Lennon screens someone else’s movie at midnight after his are done. It was a Mexican film called el Topo made by a Chilean born director named Alejandro Jodorowsky.

el Topo (“The Mole”) is a spaghetti western inspired by surrealism and the French new wave. It tells the story of a ruthless man-in-black’s bloody quest for enlightenment. Starring Jodorowsky as the man-in-black, El Topo is full of violence, nudity, religious symbolism, midgets and people with missing limbs. In other words, it’s a damn fine stoner movie.

The film started playing regularly at midnight at the Elgin and word spreads. It plays for about a year to sold out crowds and Jodorowsky is labeled a prophet by el Topo devotees (remember that you could smoke pot in the theater). From this, the mid-night movie fad ignites, opening the door for John Water’s pink Flamingos, Richard O’Brien’s Rocky Horror picture show and David Lynch’s eraserhead. At the insistence of Lennon, his manager Allen Klein purchases the rights to el Topo and produces Jodor-owsky’s next film, The Holy mountain.

Yet another shocking and visually stunning art film laden with biting satirical humour and religious imagery, The Holy mountain would almost be bet-ter off in a gallery than in a theatre. It was a huge inspiration for Marilyn Manson. So much so, Jodor-owsky conducted Manson’s wedding ceremony dressed as the character he played, The Alchemist. The Holy mountain is Jodorowsky’s magnum opus but it’s too arty for North American audiences and never opens. At this time Klein wants Jodorowsky to try making a more commercial film, an adapta-tion of The story of o. Jodorowsky’s not feeling it so

he moves to France and kickstarts a 30+ year feud between him and Klein.

Jodorowsky’s next project is an adaptation of Frank Herbert’s Dune. Jodorowsky brings in H.R. Giger and Moebius to collaborate on the project, casts Salvador Dali to play the emperor and gets Pink Floyd to provide the score. But this is before star Wars and no one wanted to bank an expensive French sci-fi movie so the funding dries up. Moebius and Jodorowsky take some of their ideas from the Dune collaboration and end up making a series of French comics called The incal, which look suspi-ciously like Luc Besson’s The Fifth element. This-starts Jodorowsky on a long and successful career writing comic books. He only occasionally dabbles in film again.

Because of the feud between Klein and Jodor-owsky, el Topo and The Holy mountain got buried and were only available on bootlegs made from a damaged print. Until now that is. Recently, the two settled their differences and collaborated on a painstaking restoration of the prints, which have been touring the globe. After much specula-tion and waiting, a remastered DVD set has been released by Anchor Bay that includes el Topo, The Holy mountain, his first film Fando y Lis and a whackload of extras. Now 78, Jodorowsky speaks from his apartment in Paris on the eve of this momentous DVD release.

When did you end up moving to Paris?When I finished with Allen Klein because he wanted me—with very good intention because he was a businessman—to make a lot of money. He was sure if I did The story of o we’d make millions. That’s the moment I escaped. In order to make due, I came to Paris.

What year was that?I cannot remember. Ben Cobb, he made a book about me [anarchy and alchemy: The Films of ale-jandro Jodorowsky]. He knows everything. When I

read the book, for the first time I finally understood my pictures, you know?

Do your films demand repeat viewings to fully understand them?Yes, this I wanted. A person who loves a song doesn’t listen to it one time. The song goes inside the person…I wanted to make pictures where you can come a lot of times. Every time you see it, it is a different picture. That is what I wanted, my friend.

Can you explain how the bootlegs of your mov-ies came into circulation?When I escaped from Allen Klein, I escaped with very bad videos. In every town and every country I gave it away for free. I called the pirates and said I have a gift for you. That was my little war against the enemy.

With these movies, you really resisted making a commercial film. Perhaps the best example of this is when you refused to cut a five second scene of the Thief getting his anus washed from The Holy Mountain script. Consequently, George Harrison from the Beatles refused to play the role.It’s a temptation. I don’t want to make a film with a superhero or to be copying the Yakuza gangster movies of Hong Kong. You know, I don’t want. I don’t want. I still believe movies are a great art. But in order to do that you need to forget to make money. That is my war. I’m not working to make money. I’m working to lose money.

Do you enjoy commercial films?Some yes. But to like them I must emasculate my-self. I have [an imaginary] glove. When you oper-ate you put something on the hands, a surgeon will not open a body with his naked hands. In order to emasculate myself I have [an imaginary] little glove of women’s skin…I have my hand covered with women’s skin, okay… When I go to movies com

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mercial, I take my glove of women’s skin and put it on my hands and emasculate myself. Then the picture becomes surrealistic and then I like. One that was not good but I liked was The prestige. Because there you discover the little tricks of the magicians. You discover what they do in order to make you believe. That was interesting for me. In Korea, I find a picture, The King and The clown. Find that picture because it’s a very good picture and I like it.

El Topo played at a pretty dirty venue in New York. Do you enjoy having it play at film insti-tutes close to 40 years later?Why not? Yes. It’s like a gift you receive because people get it. When I did [el Topo] I was suffering because nobody looked at my picture in the way I wanted… It is nice to be recognized but it’s a little too late. I am happy but I am not so happy. I am doing other things now.

Can you explain why you like to work with non-actors?Because of the egos of well-known actors. To make a picture now, you need to have a star. The star will come and say, “I want that, I want that, I don’t want that, I don’t want that, I want that cut of your money.” It’s terrible. They change the artistic meaning of the picture. I don’t like egos. The only ego I like a lot is myself.

You put these non-actors through quite an or-deal with The Holy Mountain shoot. I wanted to make a sacred picture, a holy picture. Like walking into a monastery in India and you be-come enlightened. I said, “Why cannot a picture give enlightenment to the person who watches?” Every person was the person they played. The very rich man, was a very rich man, like that. Then I was trying to give enlightenment to this person by the end of the picture. They changed but they became dumb actors. Very, very, very ego actors fighting to be in front of the camera.

And the cast and crew in The Holy Mountain actually climbed a mountain?It’s true. The reason why it doesn’t look so spec-tacular is when you’re climbing a real mountain, you make three steps and you’re absolutely tired. It’s terrible to climb a mountain. It’s not so easy.

You thought that cinema was better than LSD in the 70s. Do you still believe that?I believe LSD is not as good as they are taking today. LSD lost the holy art that is sacred.

My woman was [talking to a man] about the one time in his life he eat mushrooms, sacred mushrooms. And she asked the guy how he eat that. And he said, “In a pizza.” Do you under-stand the monstrosity of this? A pizza with sa-cred mushrooms. All that is finished. It’s finished.

You also felt that cinema had the power to change the world. Do you still believe that?I still believe that but we need heroes. We need people who work out of the industry. Out of politics. Out of movie houses. They need to work directly in walls of the city through the internet. And make that free. Only do that, in order to accomplish the art that is all free.

“You are excrement but you can change your-self into gold” is the famous line from The Holy Mountain. How is your personal quest to change yourself into gold going?I am already gold. I want to return to plomo (lead). The worst metal. That’s what I want to become. I’ve found my gold, now I want to be human.

Is death something you’re afraid of?My spirit, no. My body, yes. My body is afraid to die. But only my body. My soul is completely ready. I don’t fear death.

Finally, what can you tell me about your next picture, King Shot?Five million dollars. I need to find enough persons who are thieves without hope to give me five million dollars.

I don’t have five million dollars unfortunately.What do you have?

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Photography by Mark Maryanovich

A MAN CALLED DUS TIN BEN TALL

The old adage “the apple doesn’t fall far from the tree” could justify why Dustin Bentall takes some influence from his quasi-famous father, but Dustin appears far wiser (with the aid of his predecessors) and sprier (with the aid of living through a near-death car crash) than his young age lets on. His home is North Vancouver but his alt-country music lives in the desolate plains and lonesome valleys that artists like Neil Young, Gram Parsons and Steve Earle have visited. Streets With No Lights is the story of long roads traveled, loves lost and hard lessons learned, so with many years left in the tank, here’s hop-ing he has a lot more streets to drive down and future tales to tell.

www.dustinbentall.com

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Words: Emily Khong, Mariz Manansala and Patricia Matos

Photography: Jason Lang Illustration: Mike Shantz

MUSIC FOR KIDS “I love you, you love me…” While you may have fond memories of listening to the likes of Raffi and Charlotte Diamond, nowadays, many parents cringe at the mere thought of having to listen to another song by The Wiggles. Fear not, young parents, for some of your favourite artists are here to save the day.

There appears to be two camps of thought to tackle the “Barney” problem: 1) Why reinvent the wheel when you can just make it kid-friendly? 2) Let a real, existing band do it. Now it’s one thing to have random kids do glorified karaoke versions of Top 40 hits, (Kidz Bop anyone?) it’s another thing to have established acts rock out versions for the kids.

Making music “kid-friendly” is walking a thin line between quality and quantity. Countless popular bands have been given the lullaby instrumental makeover, but what about music for kids who are old enough to be walking and talking? Introducing your children to bands you rocked out to, or still rock out to, is made a little easier now with compilations like Go Kart Records’ Brats On The Beat: Ramones For Kids. The Ramones tribute band, The Gabba Gabba Heys, have recorded an album full of The Ramones’ biggest hits with real kids on backing vocals. The enthusiasm of the kids is evident with every scream and giggle recorded and they shout the words to each song, like the poppy “Rock N Roll High School” with glee.

At the other end of the spectrum of new children’s music, many established indie bands have taken matters into their own hands; they’ve created songs made specifically for tiny ears. One of the newest compilations to hit record store shelves is Rough Trade Records’ Colours Are Brighter. This children’s album is the brainchild of Belle & Sebastian’s guitarist/bassist/trumpet player Mick Cooke. Cooke shared his idea with some friends and as a result, artists such as The Flaming Lips and Franz Ferdinand recorded an existing or original song for the project.

There’s a song for every mood, starting with the crazy and danceable beats of “Go Go Ninja Di-nosaur” by Four Tet and Princess Watermelon. Listeners will see another side of Franz Ferdinand as they tell the cheeky story of a man named Jackie Jackson, who has an endless appetite for cakes. Cooke, the fearless leader of Colours Are Brighter, joined in the fun and got Belle & Sebastian to write their own song, “The Monkeys are Breaking out of the Zoo,” which is full of fun sound effects, letting the listener know what kind of trouble monkeys can get into.

Perhaps the most evident thing about this new generation of children’s music is that they are really doing this for the children as both albums are raising money for charity. It’s too early to say if you’ll hear Franz Ferdinand perform “Jackie Jackson” at their next show but it couldn’t hurt to yell out the request. In the meantime, stash those Wiggles CDs in the toy box and introduce your children to a new set of ABCs where A is for Air, B is for The Beatles and C is for The Clash… -Emily Khong

MUSIC BY KIDS:The MuldoonsIf you close your eyes and listen to The Muldoons, it’s hard to imagine that the big rock bravado voice singing about misbehaving zombies with poor eti-quette is actually coming from a small, ten year old boy named Shane Muldoon who, along with his older brother Hunter, age 13, and dad Brian, make up this rock outfit hailing from Detroit, Michigan. The Muldoons have managed to develop a confidence and swagger of a band three or four times their age and experience. But, as Brian tells me over the phone, it wasn’t always like that.

Back in December 2005, longtime family friend Jack White gave the band the opportunity to open for the White Stripes in the historic Masonic Tem-ple in Detroit. “Actually,” says drummer Brian, “The equipment was all setup, but we came out unan-nounced, just in case Hunter or Shane decided last minute that they didn’t want to do it.” But they did do it, and they were more than surprised by the im-mediate response of the 4000+ crowd. “The experi-ence was amazing but terrifying at the same time,” says Hunter, the band’s guitarist, whose riffs have already been compared to the likes of The Stooges and The Ramones. “I wasn’t expecting people to clap for us during our seven or eight songs, but they did, and it was cool!” Brian describes it proudly as his two boys played in front of a discerning crowd of White Stripes fans. “The boys were nervous, but focused. After our second show, Jack made us an offer to record.”

Brian reflects endearingly on his relationship with a young Jack White, a friendship that has lasted longer than his two sons’ ages combined. The two apprenticed together to become upholsterers back when Jack White was still known as John Gillis. Dur-ing the three year apprenticeship, they realized their interests in the same musical styles and decided to combine forces to form The Upholsterers, a duo whose recording life spawned the limited, but highly sought after, four track single “Makers of High Grade Suites,” which included advertisements and sand-

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THE NEXT waVE OF kID’S MUSIC

paper samples for Third Man Upholstery, White’s other entrepreneurial effort. After playing a few brief shows in some of Detroit’s legendary garage/indie venues, Brian felt that the rock scene for him just had to wait. “I had two young kids, so [touring] was not an option.” he reflects. “Jack wasn’t old enough to get into bars anyway.” A few years after, the two eventually went their separate ways musically, and after brief stints in a handful of indie bands includ-ing The Go and The Henchmen, Jack White eventu-ally met Meg White, and the rest is history.

The band were invited to record in White’s Third Man Studio, where he produced their first four track seven-inch, with original songs written by Shane and Hunter themselves. Released under Cass Records, the band have been easing into the live scene by playing shows with labelmates The Dirtbombs, Kel-ley Stoltz and Mooney Suzuki. Jack White’s interest in The Muldoons seems to stem from a genuine familial relationship that he and Brian had already developed throughout the years. Even after the end of the Upholsterers, Brian worked with the Stripes as a photographer for The Denial Twist singles, which infamously portray Jack and Meg in various situ-

ations with a raccoon. So was there a change in the relationship when suddenly the student had be-come the teacher? “Not really,” he says forthrightly. “Jack has always been supportive of me musically, and we’ve both been just supportive of each other.”

Nearly a year after their first big show, the band began recording their first full-length album with producer Brendan Benson of The Raconteurs. “[Brendan] was so professional, we were working for five to six hours at a time; I was actually learning so much.” Brian says of their sessions in Benson’s East Grand Studio. “Right before he packed up everything for Nashville, he showed us his amaz-ing collection of vintage guitars that he let Shane and Hunter use.” As a jubilant Hunter recalls, “the recording was so fun. [Brendan] let us play, like, every guitar, and it had this great vintage sound.” Both boys enjoyed their big studio experience tre-mendously, but for Shane, the experience was an important family affair. “I think it’s easier to work with my family,” he says. “My dad is so encouraging and he doesn’t get mad. He really just encourages us to write more songs, and I think that’s good.”

Their inherent interest in creating music must

come from the boys’ lineage in creating and rein-venting things, whether it be their dad’s business in upholstering furniture, creating music or tak-ing photos. For Shane, the writing process seems pretty simple: “When I write, I sort of just think, ‘what should we write about?’ Hunter and I try to get ideas and just [sit down and] brainstorm.” The boys’ popularity has quickly risen in their hometown through their live shows, with an onstage presence that Hunter himself says rivals that of “a young Iggy with The Stooges.” Despite their maturity, the boys’ interests are pretty ordinary, skateboarding, listening to music and making videos. Even though their record company has jokingly described them as “the band we’re going to make money off of,” all three boys speak of their experiences humbly, without any of the superficiality or feigned ideas of stardom of their child star peers. Just as excitedly as Shane and Hunter reflect about their musical ex-periences working with some of Detroit’s finest, they are quick to tell me their first and foremost priority: “We love music, but school comes first. Definitely.” -Mariz Manansala

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There are a thousand reasons why kids in legiti-mate bands are cool, and Tiny Masters of Today are proving to be one of the coolest around. When guitarist/vocalist Ivan, 13, and his bassist/vocal-ist sister Ada, 11, retreat to their instrument laden home studio, Tiny Masters crank out an impres-sive list of self-composed, punchy songs. They range from the fervent technology-inspired “Cell-phone,” to the politically motivated “Bushy,” about everyone’s favourite National Guard-duty dodging president.

Since teaming up with drummer Russell Sim-ins, of the Jon Spencer Blues Explosion and Men Without Pants, the band has begun to break out and has been described as being “cuter than puppies and kittens sliding down rainbows,” with a “unique lo-fi feel.” David Bowie recently put Tiny Masters on his music watch list. They’ve recorded with Kimya Dawson, of Moldy Peaches fame, and shrieking NYC art kid, Karen O. As far as I’m con-cerned, they could be young, jug-playing hobos, and I’d think they were great for that fact alone. But these two punk rockin’ kids from Brooklyn are far from the hobo life. They are Tiny Masters of To-day, and they are way cooler than you probably were when you were 12.

Towards the end of their four-date UK tour, Ivan and Ada took some time to discuss their pre-adolescent rock star existence from London. “Since coming to England, I am completely ob-sessed with Jack the Ripper,” says Ada. Actually, that’s cuter than it is disturbing. Ivan, succinct and unsurprisingly blunt, is more a fan of rubberized footwear, “I like sneakers a lot.” “He can never have too many pairs of sneakers,” Ada explains.

Rather than completing each other’s sen-tences, as many siblings are oft to do, the Tiny Masters have a neat silent rapport between them. In interviews they are typically shy, as most kids tend to be, but are seemingly more aware of what they are saying and doing. Maybe it’s their lack of pretense—a golden trait that Ivan and Ada will hopefully hold onto throughout their careers.

Tiny Masters have only released two sold-out seven-inch singles on the UK indie label Tigertrap Records, but it was just enough to grab the atten-

tion of Simins. He joined the band as a touring drummer, and is set to record with them on their upcoming debut, perhaps cheekily explained by Ivan and Ada as “a concept album about wizards, magical guitars and unicorns.”

“We write all the songs on our own and then Russell will learn them. Russell’s presence is more spiritual, usually. He encourages the rock,” says Ada. While Ivan adds, “He is an amazing musician but he really wants everything to still sound like us, which is cool. A lot of people would want us to sound different.”

Sounds like much of the band’s control is left to Ivan and Ada. So just how much do moms and pops have a hand in the band? Not much, ap-parently, aside from influencing them musically: from Led Zeppelin and The Ramones, to ABBA and The White Stripes. Their parents also appear to be fairly lenient and trusting. Their dad, David, used to be in a band some 20 years ago, and both do double-duty as roadies on top of their parenting duties. Their mom, Nancy, was even asked to be on reality TV, “They wanted to swap our mom with a really lame mom,” Ada remembers.

Ivan was a bit more optimistic, “I love all moms. I would have done it if I could’ve swapped my sister.”

“Me too,” says Ada, reconsidering an offer that would be too good to pass up.

One of the reasons Tiny Masters are different from other kids, besides being in a rising punk rock band, is their relative grounding in a world that jades so many young’uns. They don’t watch very much television, but Ivan insists the two aren’t bubble-children, “We don’t have a Playsta-tion, but we don’t live in a cave or anything like that. We do have Sims on our computer.”

“We just entertain ourselves more than some kids, I guess. That is how the band happened,” says Ada.

Obviously they fight a lot, like most brothers and sisters, but the two also have a more relaxed discipline than many child stars and musicians says Ivan, “We practice less. Actually we don’t practice.”

“That’s probably not something to be proud of.

We should practice more,” Ada muses. Ivan’s not worried, “We are better dancers than

The Jackson 5.” It’s this kind of endearing attitude that makes

the little hard-working musicians stand out among their peers, and garners attention from some very eclectic fans, “We have no idea how he found out about us,” says Ivan of David Bowie. Ada replies, “We totally freaked out. He is a total genius.”

And what about perennial kid at heart, Kimya Dawson? “She sent a message to our MySpace. We have become really good friends and re-corded a bunch of songs with her,” says Ivan. In addition to having a sleepover at the Tiny Mas-ters house, Dawson has even played a few gigs with the band—a number of which have been recorded and circulate on YouTube. It’s almost a perfect match to see the two perform, a sign of a new friendship that may very well extend to future releases.

The accolades and burgeoning partnerships with varying levels of musicians is exciting for Tiny Masters, but they are keeping it all in perspective. When asked if there was anything about the mu-sic industry they may not yet be ready for, Ivan confidently replies, “I am ready for anything.”

Seasoned professionals, Ivan and Ada have been playing since they were eight, after all. But of course there is one thing they are not looking forward to, “Meetings. All the boring meetings,” says Ada.

While a band made up of children screams novelty act to some, Ivan doesn’t let the naysay-ers get to him. “Some people think [the band] is going to be a joke, but then we rock their world.” While Ada adds, “sometimes they still think it’s a joke.” Hopefully not, but if all else fails, surely Ivan and Ada could turn to a career as a touring variety act, because they’re pretty hilarious and sharp-witted. It’s unlikely though, as the Tiny Masters of Today have their sights set high on their dream gig. “Our living room with David Bowie,” says Ivan. “And the Beastie Boys,” chimes Ada. Somehow for these two tiny powerhouses, the notion doesn’t seem that far-fetched. -Patricia Matmos

Tiny Masters of today

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TIN FIST THE ACORN PAPER BAG

Strange things might happen to your

emotions in the half-hour span of the

Acorn’s new EP, Tin Fist. The album’s

folky frailty, as demonstrated by vocal-

ist Rolf Klausener in “Heirlooms” and

“Maplebees,” is pretty and awkward,

like that of Wilco’s Yankee Hotel

Foxtrot. Which is an odd contrast to

the dramatic storytelling and leg-bit-

ing ways of the band’s playful off-

stage demeanor. They love scarves

and birds, too. Idiosyncrasies like

those make sense very quickly in the

gentle strum of guitars as they echo

memories left behind of Canadian

winters or that Ottawan girl who

stomped on your heart in high school.

But you still love her, because you’re

forgiving like that, and Tin Fist will be

the soundtrack to your complacent

conclusion.

★★★★✩ –Patricia Matos

all oF a suDDen i Miss eveRyone EXpLOSIONS IN ThE SkY teMPoRaRy ResiDence

Using your “tried and true” method

can only be effective so many times.

The rising and falling, epically devel-

oping, never ending post-rock outs

typical of Explosions in the Sky can

be powerful, especially if you happen

to be listening to them for the first

time, while in a vulnerable emotional

state, or while stoned. For the rest

of us, “powerful” quickly becomes

predictable, and while all of a sudden

i miss everyone is certainly the au-

thentic sound of the band, there is

nothing new waiting for you if you’ve

heard that sound before. The album

definitely has a place for EITS virgins,

who will be delighted by the reflective

and melodramatic guitar melodies,

the poetic and mysterious song titles

that pleasantly suffice for the absence

of lyrics in the songs, and the lovely

album art. Certainly, Explosions in the

Sky have succeeded marvelously at

what they’re known for, but in the pro-

cess they have left many fans yearn-

ing for something outside of the box

which the band has confined itself to.

★★✩✩✩ –Sasha Langford

sounD oF silveR LCD SOUNDSYSTEM DFa

James Murphy has accomplished a

lot in his time. He has been DJ-ing

for the past decade and a half, has

won two Grammys with his project

LCD Soundsystem and is one of the

founders of DFA records. Hell, in LCD

Soundsystem’s first single, “Losing My

Edge,” he even claims to have been at

“the first Can show in Cologne” and

was “the first guy playing Daft Punk to

the rock kids.” Regardless of the likely

b.s. of the last two comments, on his

latest album Murphy shares some of

his experiences with us. Previously,

Murphy’s lyrics told us of little more

than beats, dancing and Daft Punk.

Fortunately, sound of silver takes

advantage of its creator’s wisdom,

with words inspiring everything from

nostalgia to romance to empower-

ment to downright sadness, while giv-

ing consideration to politics as well.

This sophistication also has a place

in Murphy’s choice of sounds. Instead

of squeezing every sonic muscle to

produce the next hipster nightclub

anthem, sound of silver works with its

lyrics to compose nine sensitive, mul-

tilayered explorations. The album ex-

ceeds its ambitions, luckily while still

inspiring impromptu dance sessions

in every listener along the way.

★★★★✩ –Sasha Langford

ouR eaRthly PleasuRes MaXIMO paRk WaRP

The sophomore slump that has been

plaguing artfully rocking British bands

doesn’t seem to be alleviating itself

any time soon. The Futureheads, Bloc

Party, The Rakes, Kaiser Chiefs, et al.,

have all successfully failed to live up

to the hype (and greatness) of their

debuts, and now it sadly seems like

Maximo Park is the next to fall under

this curse of epidemic proportions.

The band’s last record, the brilliant

a certain Trigger, stood out from the

onslaught of Anglo releases with its

book-smart lyrics and unpredict-

able angular arrangements—not to

mention hooks capable of a swift

cold-cocking. our earthly pleasures

first single, “Our Velocity,” is a bit

of a tease; similar in scope to the

bands previous singles, but also

given a sharper gloss and sheen.

Unfortunately, the majority of the

album fails to live up to even this mar-

ginally notable track. Not to say the

album is that bad, it’s just kind of un-

inspired and dull. So watch your wee

backs, Arctic Monkeys; this nasty bug

might be rattling your cage next.

★★★✩✩ –Adam Simpkins

selF-titleD MICE paRaDE bubblecoRe

Never one to rest on his laurels, New

York’s Adam Pierce—the man who

basically is Mice Parade—wrote

and recorded his first self-titled, and

allegedly seventh album, right after

locking down the last piece of gear in

his new Bear Mountain home studio.

Though his touring band, Laetitia

Sadier (Stereolab) and Kristín Anna

Valtýsdótti (Múm), appear through-

out, most of the sounds here were

played by Adam himself, falling in line

with the rest of his back catalogue.

However, before you start cementing

your “restless genius” tags, you may

be surprised to know his music, while

intelligent and thoughtful, is neverthe-

less quite accessible. If you liked Bem-

Vinda Vontade and 2004’s obrigado

saudade, you’ll like this too. The heavy

electronics are still gone, leaving the

focus on pure vibraphone and synth

accented bedroom post-rock, with

some aggressive folk guitar, cheaply

recorded drums and melancholic but

hopeful vocals for kicks. Suffice to say,

the man’s still got it.

★★★★✩ Filmore MescalitoHolmes

KID REVIEWS

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The Fratellis costello music

The Fratellis rock!!! Out of my favourite al-

bums ever, this has got to be in the top

ten. My favourite song on the album has

to be “Flathead”. Some songs like “Whistle

for the Choir” have acoustics one minute

and more electric power the next. It gives

the great effect of sudden energy. The har-

mony in this song is also awe-inspiring.

Speaking of energy, most of the songs are

chalk-full of it. Especially the song “For the

Girl,” the words are so quick and yet so flu-

ent. This is my second favourite song on

the album. The surprise song on the end

of the album, “Ole Black ‘N’ Blue Eyes,” is

very slow moving and rockin’ at the same

time, which I think is awesome. The mu-

sic makes you want to jump and bounce

all over the walls. You just want to dance.

The music just seems to flow through your

ears so easily that it takes over the rest of

your body with good rhythm. I would rec-

ommend this album to someone who’s

having a rock’n’roll dance party. Your

guests will love it. All in all I give this album

five out of five for great and fun music that

would be awesome to dance to.

★ ★ ★ ★ ★ -Maddy V. (Age 12)

The Higher on Fire

I liked the tune to the songs on this CD but

the songs all sort of sounded the same

after awhile. I noticed that in the start of

each song the tune was a little sad but it

got more action with the beat as it went

along. The lyrics did not make much sense

to me though.

★★✩✩✩ -Olivia R. (Age 8)

Joakim monsters & silly songs

I like the name of the CD. The cover looks

like the monsters of Halloween. It’s spooky.

The song “Sleep in Hollow Tree” sounds

like a song for elephants to march to. The next

one, “Wish You Were Gone,” sounds like he’s

taking a drumstick and banging it against

glass. I liked “Sleep in Hollow Tree” better. All of

the monster songs are kind of funny sounding.

In the song “Lonely Hearts,” it sounds like the

vampire guy on the cover of the CD is singing.

In the Peter Pan song it sounds like Peter Pan is

sad, but it’s nice. It makes me think of ears.

★★★✩✩ -Hannah G. (Age 5)

The Klaxons myths of the near Future

This is a great band and a great album. The

music style is creative and unexpected—it

definitely keeps your ears on their toes. The

sound of the music reminds me of a cross be-

tween Franz Ferdinand and the Red Hot Chili

Peppers. The Klaxons are plainly focused on

rhyming, especially with the songs “Totem on

the Timeline” and “Magick.” I don’t know if it

was a fluke or not but I thought it was hilari-

ous when the second last song on the album

was titled “It’s Not Over Yet.” I love how the

music can be electric sounding at one time

and natural at another. Many of the songs also

will change styles halfway through the song.

These both create the effect that you are ac-

tually moving through the song rather than

listening to the same melody over and over.

The vocals are almost all the time clear and

you are able to understand the music, which

is more than I can say for some other bands

out there. All in all I give this album a four of

five, for great melody, creativeness, sound and

humour in song order.

★★★★✩ -Maddy V. (Age 12)

Nekromantix Life is a grave and i Dig it

The music is kind of fast. I think the guys on the

front of the CD look a little silly. On the back of

the CD they look pretty scary. I kind of like it. It

makes my feet dance.

★★★✩✩ -Hannah G. (Age 5)

You Say Party! We Say Die! Lose all Time

I didn’t enjoy listening to this CD. I found

it was noisy music—I could not hear the

lyrics for the loudness of the instruments.

A little dark.

★✩✩✩✩ -Olivia R. (Age 8)

bRanD neW by toMoRRoW MONEY MaRk bRushFiRe

You may remember the name Money

Mark simply because you were a fan

of The Beastie Boys. Although he did

help to produce and play keyboard

on a handful of their albums, that’s

not even close to the extent of his

abilities. He’s a self-accomplished

keyboardist with seven solo albums

under his belt, and he has managed

to make a name for himself as the

guy behind the scenes. His new

album Brand new By Tomorrow (on

Jack Johnson’s Brushfire Records)

is full of pop-funky keyboards and

chillaxing vocals. The album’s title

song is the ideal background music

for a very comfy Saturday night out at

your favourite lounge. If you’re feeling

groovy and are in the mood for some

fun-loving—Money Mark style—then

listen to him tickle-torture the ivories

on Brand new by Tomorrow.

★★★★✩ –Adam Menceles

sPlit liPs, Winning hiPs, a shineR ShapES aND SIzES asthMatic kitty

Some might find split Lips, Winning

Hips, a shiner cute and quirky, but

there’s something about this album

that won’t let me shake wanting to

slide into a warm bath after downing

a bottle of Quaaludes. There is just

too much going on in the makeup of

this album that it’s difficult to focus

on one element; it’s just a bunch

of weird noises and clamouring,

not unlike Architecture in Helsinki.

Vocally, Shapes and Sizes are like

Eleanor Friedberger (Fiery Furnaces)

withdrawing from Ritalin then taking

a hit of Pixie Stix and playing a game

of Number Munchers. “Victory in War”

and “Piggy” are the only two well con-

structed and fun songs on a record of

ups and downs. split Lips is earnest,

nerdy indie rock, but with such a

tremendous amount of overlapping

vocals, instruments and sound effects,

you’d probably need to be some sort

of brain doctor to separate it all.

★★✩✩✩ –Patricia Matos

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COME wITh ME IF YOU waNT TO LIVEWords Sam Kerr Photography Jason Lang

Trevor arrived trembling. The visit was unexpected, unannounced, and unforgettable.

I had known Trevor since univer-sity. He came from Beijing but we had no trouble making friends be-cause his English was impeccable. Like perfect. It wasn’t just English either; he spoke many languages with amazing proficiency. Whenever he was asked how many languages he spoke Trevor would reply, “I’m still learning them all.”

When I opened the door to my apartment Trevor was visibly shaken. His face was pale and his eyes told a tale of intense fear. He took a mo-ment to gather himself and then asked me to sit down, because he needed to tell me something.

“What I am about to tell you will seem crazy but I assure you it is the truth. I’m not human. I know it’s cra-zy but I am not a human being. I’m a cyber organism. A cyborg. When I was a child, the black operations department of the Chinese govern-ment used me as an experiment. They implanted a nanotech comput-er chip the size of a grain of sand into my brain. It is the interrelation-ship that my brain carries with this chip that gives me my incredible mental capacity.”

“What the fuck are you talking about Trev? “

“We don’t have time to argue. I will prove it to you. Do you have a calculator? Good, grab it. Now ask me any question that you can think of.”

“OK Trev, what is 73 divided by 17?”

Trevor closed his eyes and con-

centrated, “4.2941176. You can ask me another if you want. It won’t make a difference, my cyborg brain is better than that calculator.”

“Well, this is really weird. I don’t know what to say. I think I need a drink.” I said.

“Just listen. I am in grave dan-ger. They are coming for me, the Chinese government. My time here at the university was just an experi-ment. They didn’t want me to get an education; they wanted to know how we cyborgs socialize with unknow-ing humans. Now that I’ve gradu-ated, the experiment is over and they want to take me back to China for analysis. My computer brain has nearly limitless memory; I can re-member every conversation I have

had since I moved here four years ago. They want to study this data.”

Trevor continued, “But I don’t want to go with them, I want control of my own life. Two days ago I was meant to board a plane bound for Beijing but I couldn’t do it. I’ve been on the run since. I can’t go home, the agents will be waiting for me there. They could have followed me here for all I know. My brain represents a very large investment to some very powerful people.”

“Sam, if this is the last time that you see me, you have to tell people my story. If the cyborg Chinese elite succeed, the human race will be fin-ished; humans will cease to be this planet’s dominant species. It will be all over for you.”

Trevor rose from his seat and went to the window. He scanned the street and saw a white van. Men in black suits were fanning out around the building. “Is there a back door to this building? They have found me.”

“Take the stairs to the garage and you will find a fire exit. It will lead you out towards the train tracks.” I said.

“Sam, if they have found me here they must know that you are my friend. They will suspect that I have told you my secret. You are in very serious danger. Telling my story may be the only way for you to pro-tect yourself. If you have my story in print, your readers will know who is responsible when you wind up dead. It’s our only hope.”

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Sara Bynoe’s biggest dreams of hav-ing a book and being in the High Performance Rodeo came true last year. This year Sara is an actor, writer and whatever. Biddie Bynoe Boozer, as her friends call her, is known mostly for her Teen Angst Poetry projects (such as Teen angst: a Retro comedy night she’s hosting at The Annex, 307 W Cordova, on May 3, and 31). She’s got some great ideas, you should ask her about them. Bid-die is currently contemplating her next dream come true moments. For more info, just ask her (or use the more common, less personal Google approach).

hOROSCOpES: SaRa BYNOE

aRIES March 21-April 20

Quit eating shite. You smell like a teenage boy after a game of dodgeball, wearing wet wool. Go on a cleanse, take a shower and start walking. If you do you may finally be able to get a date.

gEMINI May 22-June 21

This month one of your personalities is going to take over. Let it. You’ve been doing this schizo twin thing too long. It’s truly time to drop your weaker persona: the slout (dumb slut) that spends too much time on PerezHilton.com and wants you to move to the suburbs to settle down.

CaNCER June 22-July 22

You are perfect. Everything you wish for will come true. Keep up the good work. Just be sure to keep your per-fection on the D.L. You don’t want the other signs to get jealous.

LEO July 23-Aug 22

Quit leaving the lights on when you’re not home. Global warming is all your fault.

VIRgO Aug 23-Sept 23

You’re going to fall in love at the be-ginning of this month. Now, what I want you to do is write pages and

pages of poetry about this. Write about how they smell, their laugh, how much they mean to you, etc. After the new moon on May 16, your lover is going to get drunk at the Legion and dedicate a karaoke love song to your worst enemy. I want you to keep writing more po-etry. Then send it all to me so I can publish another book.

LIBRa Sept 24-Oct 23

“A gun rack... a gun rack. I don’t even own a gun, let alone many guns that would necessitate an en-tire rack. What am I gonna do... with a gun rack?” Find a way to work this Wayne’s World quote into a conver-sation and your month will be party time, excellent.

SCORpIO Oct 24-Nov 22

Stop spending so much time on MySpace and Facebook. Go outside, get drunk, sleep around, and say what’s on your mind and in your heart. Fuck repercussions.

SagITTaRIUS Nov 23-Dec 21

Your laziness has hit rock bottom. You probably figured out a way to get this magazine delivered. It’s time you pulled up your socks, put them in the wash, quit sponging off your parents and got a job. Not a job at

a coffee shop or a bathhouse: your resume is full of that already. Try to do one thing this month that you’ve always wanted to do. Wait, don’t try—just fucking do it.

CapRICORN Dec 22-Jan 20

A day or two after the full moon you will understand the meaning of life. This will bring you great peace and happiness. Don’t let the haters get you down. Take a walk around the Seawall and repair our city’s broken heart.

aqUaRIUS Jan 21-Feb 19

You’re going to unexpectedly find yourself at a cuddle party and you’re going to like it. It’s the beginning of a whole new life for you. By May 31st you’ll find true love. It may only last a week so make it count.

pISCES Feb 20-March 20

This month someone will prove just how dumb you are. If you want to dodge this fate, start paying atten-tion to the world beyond your art collective. Think thrice before order-ing your latte and read a newspaper: Seriously, how can you not know who Barack Obama is? Stop fretting about money. No one can afford to live in this city, just put it all on credit like the rest of us.

Happy Birthday Mr./Ms. Bull. If you can get through this month you’re going to have a rockin’ year. However heed this advice. I know you don’t want to wreck your hair but you and your hipster cruiser bike are going to get hit by a car. Wearing a helmet might be a good idea but it’s probably best if you just spent the whole month indoors. I don’t know how you’re going to do that, maybe you can get on creating that teleporting invention the Jetsons said we’d have by now. — Taurus April 20 - May 21

Photograph Kate Nosen

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