Intimate RelationshipsIntimate Relationshipsa person’s desire for a warm, close a person’s desire for a warm, close relationship. The sharing of that which is relationship. The sharing of that which is inmost with others (could we get any inmost with others (could we get any cheesier?)cheesier?)

Intimacy Involves Including Intimacy Involves Including Another in Your Self ConceptAnother in Your Self Concept

Attribution processAttribution process-less of a distinction between -less of a distinction between

themselves and othersthemselves and others-costs and rewards are not as important-costs and rewards are not as important-Partner’s self schema is part of our -Partner’s self schema is part of our

ownown-shared memory-shared memory

Parent-Child Attachments

• Ainsworth: three types of attachment styles in infancy– Secure– Avoidant– Anxious-ambivalent

• Hazan, Shaver, and Bradshaw (1988)

Hazan, Shaver, and Bradshaw Infants Secure

62% Avoidant

23% A-A

15%

Adults 56% 24% 20%

Childhood Attachment and Romantic Relationships seeking or avoiding

intimacy in adulthood has roots in childhood experience

Securely attached people learn how to foster intimacy

Couples with securely attached people are happiest

Friendship Superficial

based on the exchange principle. Developed

Based on exchange AND mutual concern

Self-Disclosure Revealing of personal information about

oneself Social Penetration Theory

Development of a relationship moves from discussion of superficial topics to more intimate topics

Cultural Differences between North Americans and Eastern cultures

Romantic Romantic RelationshipsRelationships• Initial Romantic encounters are often Initial Romantic encounters are often

ambiguousambiguous• Pick up linesPick up lines• Unrequited LoveUnrequited Lovegrieve, assign blame, grieve, assign blame,

accept failure, move onaccept failure, move on• Emphasis on PersistenceEmphasis on Persistence

Sternberg’s Theory of Love

Men in Love Men appear to be more

eager to fall in love than women do

More likely to believe in love at first sight

More likely to be idealistic

Fall in love faster and out of love more slowly

Sex and Relationship IssuesSex and Relationship Issues

Dating relationships Dating relationships with sex last longer…with sex last longer…why?why?The Coolidge effectThe Coolidge effect

Ending Relationships Women more

likely to initiate break ups

Initiator suffers the least

Men and women deal in different ways