GROWTHOUTERSUCCESS

INNER

PART ONE: A PRIVATE VICTORY FOR YOU LEADS TO A PUBLIC VICTORY FOR YOUR TEAM

Welcome to

COACHINGMy goal in life is to leave a legacy of compassion and curiosity. It is why I became a professional coach. This workbook includes several difficult, personal life lessons. Like a deer frozen in the headlights of an oncoming car, fear can capture our hearts and minds, and paralyze us. I’ve been there yet know we are meant for something greater.

My hope is the workbook allows you to see that you are not alone and you can overcome any of life’s struggles. The interesting thing is stress can create fear, or push us to action; but how do we determine the action to take?

In the workbook I also introduce a concept I call Proximity Coaching. Using this methodology we look for what does and doesn’t fit. In other words, clarity is found by observing what appears to be chaos and discover the patterns that keep us stuck.

The workbook will introduce you to “inner work.” This is the work we must do to have a personal victory. Attempting to proceed in a leadership role without working this critical step will limit your success.

The second workbook builds on the first and will identify specific principles that I’ve used in my career leading teams. If you apply these principles you can experience the same success.

My greatest hope for you with this series is you will be inspired to some worthwhile purpose.

Creed is married to Karen, is a father and a grandfather to four boys and a baby girl due in January 2017. Creed grew up in the restaurant business and has since made two career changes: first to full time vocational ministry and now is a coach to people seeking clarity and leaders seeking to expand their influence. In his late 40s he graduated from the Londen Institute School of Ministry and in his 50s he earned a Certified Professional Coach credential recognized by the International Coach Federation of which he is also a member.

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Creed Branson, ACC

Creed Branson

(703) 659-7077

creed@creedbranson.com

@modpastor

facebook.com/creed.branson

THE LAW OF PROXIMITY

The law of proximity is an organizational principle that states, “Stimuli which are physically or temporarily proximate will be perceived as belonging together in a group.”1 In other words, your mind endeavors to bring order to chaos. Sometimes an actual connection exists, but sometimes not. When presented with such chaos—like knowing whether or not a certain choice is God’s will for your life—the key is to understand if the stimuli belong together.

Not quite clear? Follow through on the exercise and you’ll get a clearer picture.

1 Gale Research International Ltd, Jennifer Bothamley, 1993

WHAT IS GOD’S WILL FOR ME

“YOUR MIND ENDEAVORS TO

BRING ORDER TO CHAOS”

FIND OUT WHAT 9 DOTS SAY ABOUT YOU

I can’t begin to guess how many people have asked me to help them understand what they should be doing for God. These clients have difficulty in understanding God’s will and where their will ends and God’s will begins. Their questions go something like this:

1. How do I know the best decision for my life?

2. How do I choose between competing choices?

3. Where am I to serve in the church?

4. Can I relax and enjoy some form of entertainment or should I always be exercising spiritual disciplines?

5. How do I determine if this thing is in God’s will for my life?

To begin complete the exercise below.

DRAW 9 DOTS

Get out a pen and draw nine dots in the space provided below. (If you’re on an electronic device, grab a piece of paper and draw on dots on it.)

Before you move on, take a moment to re-read Law of Proximity principle presented in the left margin.

how do iknowif i’m supposed to...?

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CHAOS OR ORDER

You apply this principle every day.

If you see an older man and woman holding hands while walking in the park, you’ll assume they’re a couple because of their nearness to each other. If you see a group of people dining at the same table, you’ll assume they all know each other. If someone offers you a handful of change after you’ve paid for your morning coffee, you’ll assume it’s all the correct currency. The law of proximity helps us make quick judgments when two or more items are perceived as close to each other, either literally or metaphorically.

But the law isn’t always trustworthy.

The older couple could just be one stranger helping a frail woman get to the other end of the park. The group of diners may all be strangers who couldn’t find any other place to sit. Canadian currency could have been mixed in with your change. But because these items were in groups—because they were proximate to one another—you assume a different outcome, as we all most often do.

We tend to view God in the same way.

Just because some things in your life are proximate to others doesn’t necessarily mean that’s where God’s leading you. However, as we look back on our circumstances, we sometimes realize how what seemed to be random represents a pattern. The apostle Paul described this “pattern” in Romans 8:28 when he wrote, “And we know that for those who love God all things work together for good, for those who are called according to his purpose.” This is true even when the events may never appear “good” to us.

WHAT DID YOU DRAW?

Look at your 9 dots.

Most people draw three rows of three dots. Occasionally, someone will draw a circle of nine dots. The vast majority of people place these dots in some orderly fashion. Your mind doesn’t function well in chaos. You desire to bring random stimuli into an orderly fashion. When there’s too much stimuli, the difficulty is determining what to do first.

Do you attempt to make your marriage more fulfilling?

How do you spend more time with your kids?

How can you satisfy your boss?

Worse yet, you try to fix one of those things only to realize the solution becomes the next problem. You’re stuck! You focus on more, better, different, or faster only to realize that the order that you’re seeking can’t be found. It becomes a vicious cycle. For some reason, you can’t make a break from the past. However, you must change old patterns if you’re ever to move to the future.

HOW DO YOU MAKE THE BREAK?

applying proximity

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What’s your story?

Allowing circumstances from our past, toxic relationships and inner talk to control our behavior does not allow room for personal growth. Others’ opinions and personal performance do not define you. However, until you are able to shed this thinking you will remain stuck. This is why personal victory is so important. The past is about control and the future is about growth. I believe the same is true in organizations - control strategies cannot coexist with growth strategies. This is why you need to own your story. This is the first step in personal victory.

Discovering present order from past chaos

As a coach, I help people overcome their past and move to something greater: greater joy, greater contentment, greater well-being. This occurs through two big questions: “Is this true?” and “What is truth?” The goal for any of my coaching clients is to move from the subjective to the objective. By exploring the truth of their lives, together we can reframe their beliefs and build a bridge to what Jesus calls “the abundant life.”

In John 10:10 Jesus said, “The thief comes only

to steal and kill and destroy; I have come that they may have life, and have it to the full.” This is the heart of Proximity Coaching. Your inner critic and limiting beliefs will “steal and kill and destroy” you. If you’re to successfully move forward with your life, these must be overcome.

Beyond the 7 Habits

Well-known author Stephen R. Covey refers to this principle in his book, The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People: Powerful lessons in Personal Change. He wrote: “Private Victory precedes Public Victory. Self-mastery and self-discipline are the foundation of good relationships with others.” However, he only deals with this principle in the context of creating effective habits.

I believe the principle runs much deeper: before leading others (public victory), you need to lead yourself (private victory).

The private victory of owning your own story and why it matters

To begin the process, you have to own your own story. To do that I suggest you:

• Conquer your self-talk

• Face your unhealthy relationships

• Deal with past issues

What is truth? Have you ever struggled with this question? Now, I’m not talking about absolute truth. What I am talking about is all of the things that others have said to and about you and the things that you say to yourself. If you allow others’ opinions to negatively impact you, people pleasing may be an area where you need to develop your self-awareness. Sometimes we get hung up in the performance trap and try to perform to others’ expectations. This can be healthy but can also lead us to dysfunctional behavior. Are you ready for a change? Are you ready to take control of your thoughts and actions? If so, you are ready to take a realistic look at the facts, forgive yourself where necessary and deal with the blocks that have controlled you all of your life.

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Years ago I was asked, “What do you love to do?”

I replied, “I love to coach people.”

Today, when askedI answer that question quite differently.

“Creed, what do you love to do?”

“I love to help people become their best selves.”

OWN YOURSTORY “ ““I love to help people

become their best selves.”

I would have had more fun. I would have pushed back more when I thought I was right. I would have worked my agenda and would have helped more people along the way. I would have asked more questions. I would have taken my life lessons and written about them in a way that was helpful to as many people as possible. I would have better controlled my anger (which would have meant getting help from a professional).

Creed Branson

What Do You Want Out of Life

Are you really living or are you simply existing? Do you have a vision and mission for your future? If you make no changes where will you end up? I have had a personal mission statement for twenty years and still have not always behaved as the person I dream to be. If I had it to do over again I would do a lot of things differently.

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What Is Keeping You From Living Your Mission

Like you and everyone else on the planet, there were several reasons.

For now, let’s take only these three:

Insecurity Family of origin Lack of understanding (of what I really wanted)

My “Albert” is what psychologists call my inner critic or judge. I chose the name Albert because this voice always told me, “You’re not smart enough.”

I have discovered that we all have an “I’m not fill in the blank enough” statements. By naming mine Albert, I was able to remind myself that most people aren’t as smart as that famous physicist.

This is an example of moving from my subjective reality to an objective reality. However paralyzing Albert might have been at the time, he also produced something great in me: an insatiable desire for knowledge. Albert used to be my adversary, now he’s my friend.

INSECURITY My insecurity was rooted in a tiny little

voice in my head. I call it “Albert.”

What is the name of your inner critic?

Why is that your inner critic’s name?

“Albert used to be my adversary, now he’s my friend.”

What insecurities did you have when you were a kid?

What insecurities do you have that impact your life today?

How can you reframe those insecurities to make a positive impact on your future?

What is SUBJECTIVE versus OBJECTIVE reality?

In writing there is a difference between objective versus subjective writing. Objective writing is based on facts, is verifiable and is neutral. This means your approach is unbiased because it is based in truth. Subjective writing is based on opinion and cannot be proven. I’ve applied this to my coaching practice. Often, I ask clients, “Is that true or made up in your mind?” Your inner critic is not objective. S/he is critical, judgmental and condescending. In essence your inner critic is subjective. Conquering your inner critic is critical for your personal victory.CONNECTION

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So how did Albert come to exist? It happened in Mr. Trantum’s class.

When I was in fifth grade, another boy told me I was stupid because of my speech, which causes me to reflect on my family of origin. Both my parents grew up in Harlan, Kentucky, and their manner of speech was clearly Appalachian. Imagine how the family in The Beverly Hillbillies spoke. This would be a close representation—if you hyperbolized their speech and behavior.

As a result, I took on the same speech patterns. Thankfully, my teacher, Mr. Trantum (one of many people who took a genuine interest in my life), helped me realize my need to change my language.

FAMILY OF ORIGIN

How does your family of origin impact your life today?

Figuring out how your inner critic came to be gives you insight and self-awareness.

MORE ABOUT FAMILY OF ORIGIN

As I paraphrase Malcolm Gladwell in his book, Outliers, there are three things that determine our career success: family of origin, the 10,000 hour rule and dumb luck. We can’t control luck or our family of origin but we can control our practice to become proficient at a skill. If you were fortunate to have grown up in a stable family environment please consider yourself blessed. You certainly have an advantage over many. I was blessed to have had several wonderful mentors in my life with Mr. Trantum being the first.

MR. TRANTUM’S LEGACY

Wouldn’t you love for this to be included in your obituary, “He will be remembered for his positive personality, zest for life and youthful enthusiasm. Dave was a proud Culver resident and collector enjoying his beloved home he called “Terabithia”. He was a history buff and loved reading. Dave strived to live life by the motto: “Help those who God crosses your path.” Dave will be greatly missed by friends and family, especially his canine companion Pixie. Dave was a member of the Emmanuel United Methodist Church, Culver.”

This was part of Mr. Trantum’s obituary. His legacy is one in which he helped people. I was one of those fortunate to have known him. My life is changed because he cared enough to help.

CONNECTION

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The third thing I wish I had was better self-awareness. Life just happened and I reacted to circumstances. My father died when I was 13, and I had to work to help support our family. I had paper routes, mowed yards, shoveled snow, detasseled corn, and worked as a busboy, which finally led me to a career in the restaurant business.

My uncle Charles still calls me “Bootstrap” because I’d pulled myself up from my bootstraps and made something of myself. I’m very thankful to Charles because he modeled how a father was to behave.

So, what should you do with this brief picture of my life? Mostly, I want to help you realize that hope exists if you’re struggling. Secondly, I want to encourage you through this series of workbooks.

It isn’t too late for you to have the life you’ve always wanted.

Clearly, it’s difficult to know what you don’t know. However, reflecting where you’ve grown or overcome a lack in awareness may give you insight into who you are today. This type of introspection lays the groundwork for a strong sense of self-awareness. Jot down a couple of “bootstraps” moments you’ve noticed in your life.

Some names give you power, especially when they are investments into your character.

THE INVALUABLE LESSONS OF UNCLE CHARLES

As a child I remember my uncle Charles with an acoustic guitar in-hand singing hymns in his living room in that little house on Broadmoor Drive in Wabash, Indiana. He is retired now but then he was a simple blue collar worker with a heart for people to know God. He studied the Bible like no man I know and today has a relationship with God that I admire more than any person alive. Each time I see him, all I have to do is ask him a question about the Bible and he will talk for hours on end about what might seem an obscure text to any other. This behavior probably had more to do with me being a Christian than any other.

LACK OF SELF-AWARENESS

Who is your “Uncle Charles?”

What understanding has this person imparted to you?

CONNECTION

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What do you want out of life? Do you know the answer to this question?

Do you know the steps to take to begin the journey?

Are you prepared to do what it takes?

LEAVE YOURLEGACY “ “

The mass of men lead lives

of quiet desperation.

Henry David Thoreau

TIME TRAVEL

What legacy do you want to leave? (No longer than one sentence. No pressure, you will be tweaking this your whole life.)

I want to leave a legacy of compassion and curiousity. This is why I became a professional coach.

The most successful people on the planet have great self-awareness. Self-awareness is one aspect of emotional intelligence that will lead you to becoming the person you were made to be. This gets to the root of personal development. In past decades, Cognitive Intelligence (IQ) was considered a primary indicator of success. While IQ is important, Emotional Intelligence (EQ) has become a significant indicator for success.

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ON TARGET

Consider taking the EQ. The results will give you a baseline from which to build a legacy plan and identify areas to work through with a coach.

Take the EQ-i Assessment.

The good news is we can improve your EQ. If we want to improve any area of life or business we first develop a vision of our preferred future and next we take a realistic look at where we are now. The difference is considered a gap. This is where a plan is developed to help us reach our desired future. This is the stuff of legacy.

YOU CAN CHOOSE HOW YOU SEE THE WORLD

conquer yourSELF-TALK

Give Albert a voice make-over

In psychology the term “inner critic” refers to that tiny voice within that tells you that you aren’t good enough, or smart enough or not (fill-in-the-blank) enough.

How you speak to yourself ultimately reveals itself in how you act toward yourself and others. By learning how to conquer negative self-talk, you can begin to experience freedom in your personal life that will translate into freedom to be yourself in your public life.

Furthermore, what may seem obvious but is rarely recognized is that you approach the world the way you see it. If you see the world as alive and wonderful, you’ll approach the world with joy and curiosity. If you see the world as dangerous, you’ll approach it with hesitation and fear. Simply changing how you choose to see the world can do wonders for your self-talk.

How would you describe the way your see the world around you?

How would you like to see the world around you?

CONNECTION

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A NEW JOB FOR YOUR CRITIC

Want to conquer your self-talk? Find the truth in what your inner critic is saying and acknowledge it. Identify the falsehood and discard it. Focus on what the inner critic is trying to help you achieve. As a child you needed this voice for protection. As an adult, you are an interdependent being. Seek help from a trusted advisor or friend.

face your unhealthyRELATIONSHIPSUnity is found in alignment

Imagine your family or workplace. It’s likely that they see the world differently than you do and perform based on that viewpoint. How are you ever going to get along?

Add in values, assumptions, interpretations, and beliefs, (the lens through which you see the world), and the gap widens. Conflict is inevitable.

Unity is found in alignment, and alignment is found in understanding and accepting your similarities and differences. The best approach is to confront and solve. Clear the clutter that keeps you stuck in the past. Don’t be held back by the clutter: confront, resolve, and lean into your new future.

REFLECTION

Who do you interact with whose world view is drastically different from yours? What would it look like to attempt alignment?

Key your eyes open for obstacles

“People pleasers” be on guard. When you’re concerned with others’ opinions, little room exists to create something new. Leave your legacy.

“Toxic relationships” are just that. We all know people who argue for argument sake—pushy when a simple request is all that is needed. They are not approachable, raise every problem to the level of crisis and exaggerate your shortcomings. You introduce change; they begin with the reason why something will never work. Clear the clutter. Ditch the nay-sayers.

But…what if you’re married to one? What if your boss is one? The answer is to leave nothing unsaid. Life is too short for nonsense. As long as you continue to tolerate this relationship you will be controlled by it. Find a way to have a conversation, and speak to the issue. Sometimes it means ending a relationship, but more often than not it means tackling a difficult relational circumstance head-on with honesty, vulnerability, and love, and leaving the results up to God.

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deal with past

ISSUESEscape the bitterness trap

The best example of dealing with past pain is finding forgiveness where you have been significantly wounded.

If you’re unable to forgive someone for a previous wrong, you become the one trapped in bitterness. If you think a coworker has said something negative about you, you can only move forward when you release this idea or confront your coworker.

Unforgiveness keeps you trapped in the past, as does any number of other stimuli, like harboring a grudge, worrying about what others think of you, or allowing conflict to remain unresolved. These can become cyclical problems when your negative thoughts occupy your mind in an unhealthy way and generate poor self-talk. Then your inner critic kicks in, which results in disharmony with others that’s so disruptive it keeps you stuck in a cycle of suffering.

For those who value harmony above conflict these actions will be more difficult. You are only fooling yourself if you believe harmony can be found without conflict. Freud said, “Unexpressed emotions will never die. They are buried alive and will come forth later in uglier ways.” However difficult it may be, recovery comes when we can successfully leave the things from the past in the past. Seek forgiveness or offer forgiveness when appropriate.

Probably the most important person for each of us to forgive is ourselves. In essence, this is soul work. We can repair our souls by addressing our thinking, our emotions, and while serving others. This is what Jesus was referring to when he said, “Love the Lord your God with all of your heart and with all of your soul and with all of your mind and with all of your strength” (Mark 12:30, NIV).

In your journey to be the best version of yourself, it’s almost impossible to go it alone. This is where a good life coach can help you find meaning and purpose.

What or who do you need to release or confront?

At work?

At home?

With friends?

With family?

With your past?

CONNECTION

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Edmund Burke was on to something. Continuing to live in your stuckness means that you’re not only doomed to repeat your past, it also means that you’ve sacrificed the success and experiences you could have had during those years. In essense, the stuck cycle is felt presently, but essentially snowballs, and exponentially affects your future self as well. Your private victory paves the way for your public victory. I encourage your to make this worthwhile investment in yourself today--the payout is immeasurable.

It’s time to take yourNEXT STEP

I have a challenge for you. Consider an area where you’ve been stuck, something that has caused you disappointment and frustration. How many years have you been dealing with it?

Now consider the private and public victory you would have seen had you taken steps to resolve it that number of years ago.

Why find yourself in this same position in another 5 years?

If you want to accept this challenge, together we can seek God’s truth for your life, reframe your beliefs accordingly, and co-create a plan for improving your life. I offer personality tests, as well as strengths assessments and emotional intelligence tests. Through these tools, we’ll discover who you are and who you were made to be.

Let’s begin the journey toward your private victory so we can celebrate your public victories in due time.

Complete the Pre-Consultation Reflection Tool to seek your heart and thought on several important factors in your life. The questions on the following page will help you to prepare your mind for our consult.

Contact me for a free consultation to work though your findings. Perhaps coaching will be the right answer for you.

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Here are your first steps to begin the journey:

Creed Branson, ACC

Creed Branson

(703) 659-7077

creed@creedbranson.com

@modpastor

facebook.com/creed.branson

pre-consultationREFLECTION

1. What truth from your past do you need to face?

2. Are these subjective, limiting beliefs true or made-up?

3. Did something happen to you that caused you to believe a falsehood for your entire life until now?

4. When do you feel most insecure? Or feel like you’re wearing a mask?

5. When asked to do something important, when do you procrastinate or feel insecure?

6. Where or when do you feel like a fake?

7. Did someone accuse you of doing something inappropriate as a child or at some other time in your past? Was it true or is it a problem made up in your mind?

8. Is there someone with whom you need to seek forgiveness? Offer forgiveness?

9. What is your inner critic saying that causes you doubt?

10. What is your “I am not (fill-in-the-blank) enough” statement?

11. What assumptions, interpretations, or limiting beliefs keep you trapped in the cycle of repeating previous behaviors?

How to get started

Block out 15-20 minutes on your calendar

Read each question and write an answer, even if you’re not entirely positive or clear that you’re answer is “right”

Hold onto this page -- we will use it to help determine how best to move forward with your coaching

Schedule your consultation.

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www.creedbranson.com