April 24, 2014

I Love a Girl who can’t be mine.

I need to write this story.

I love a wonderful girl who can’t be mine.

When I received a call from Capgemini yesterday, I was told that my posting will be there in Kolkata, WB. I am in Bangalore city today, from last ten months and trust me, the life was never as awesome and amazing since my childhood as it has been in this place.

I still remember the day and the moment I reached here. It was by air. I sat in BIAS-12 (now KIA-12) Airport bus that would be dropping me to its last point: Kuvempu nagar Bus Stand (or BTM Bus Stop). My friend, Abhishek came to pick me up, I went at their place where they were staying. I found new friends, two of them were not from my university but later became my good friends, and rest three were from my university, including Abhishek. We all were not known to each other and I was the new one in the room, so I felt like something odd and living with five people in a room can be compromising, so I decided to seek a new PG with a good locality nearby but it was a failure. We all continued staying there. For dinner, we would go to a nearby restaurant: Ghar ka khaana, where we used to eat unlimited meals and have a competition; or else there exist another small restaurant: Swaad Punjaab da; or else on the 16th Main road there is a good restaurant: Swaadista. We would have loads of fun in a group of five, people there begin to notice us and later became very friendly with us all. It was the scenario: howsoever was our day, we would spend an amazing evening and night. We all were job seekers then, except two: Himanshu and Akansh. But we never compromised with fun. We would do all possible things to entertain ourselves. A day came when Ruchir, who was second tallest in our group got selected for CDAC, Mumbai and he had to leave us. He left and we replaced his bed with Mudit, who was also, my roomie for a year in my college days.

Mudit is a (very) well-behaving, (very) polite and a (very) decent person, opposite to Himanshu - who made Mudit’s life not lesser than a hell. Mudit is an amazing person to watch; yes I used the word ‘watch’. So we all had another amazing person among us. When he used to iron his shirt, Himanshu mutters, “We would have ironed around 2-3 clothes by this time”. We all used to have an amazing time with each other, other than spending our day in working or training or seeking job or getting depressed due to unemployment. That was a remarkable time. We all got too much attached to each other. We were a family.

Abhishek then got a job in CGI (same company in which Himanshu works). He had night shifts. My SAP training and certification also got over now. We all started getting more than serious on job matters, since it was end of the November month and also, it would be more than a year since we got graduated. I remember Sanskar (who was the tallest in our group) used to say me being very upset: “Yaar Swapnil yaar kya hoga apna”. I used to console him by saying same words every time: “Jo jab hona hai ho jayega, enjoy maadi”. Then sometimes when I used to get upset, I say same words to Sanskar and he consoles. I mean, the life was so amazing then, that nobody ever wanted to get separated. Sometime later, Mudit got a job in BirlaSoft and he left for Hyderabad. Everyone was sleeping when he left at early morning 05:00.

Later I got a call for SAP trainer in AtoS, Mumbai for 15 days and I had to leave for a short period. Soon after 1-2 days in Mumbai, Sanskar called me up to say he has been selected for Infosys, Mysore. He went away when I reached Bangalore on 17th Feb, 2014. Akansh, later got a job in Mindtree, Chennai and he also left our family; now after few days when just we three friends were left, we had to shift our PG to another one nearby. Also, I had a call from AtoS, Bangalore to take a full-fledge training session starting from 24th of that month.

I reached AtoS, Bangalore at 11:00 (which was scheduled to be starting at 10:00) and the training room was empty; they went away for a breakfast. I thought how the boys will be, and full-fledge batch means 27 days, and some other thoughts were going on. Suddenly around 11:15, door opened and literally, it went in a slow motion! I saw a very pretty girl is seeking through the door and her eyes were well highlighted due to “kaajal” she had there. She asked me: “may we come in, sir” and that slow motion went away. Back to normal. They were two girls and one boy. I took introduction and also introduced myself; they were in an impression that I don’t speak Hindi because according to them, my Hindi on the first day was terrible and not understandable by anyone. She asked me to speak English only. That was the first day. I had problem speaking her name for few days, and every time I spoke her name, she used to say me: “No, I am not hearing you. First you call out my name properly” and we all would laugh. My whole effort was to make them understand SAP and her efforts were to put as many questions as she could. She asks me everything, she was the sweetest, impatient, slow processor and the most interesting girl in our room. She used to ask or speak anything that would come in her mind. She is very good-looking, sweet, innocent girl, angry young woman, and the best quality that I personally like in her is that she is actually crystal clear by heart. She never speaks anything that can hurt anyone. She speaks everything, but so sweetly that you will probably pass a smile and let go.

I was not in any mood of getting into any relationships or even choosing a girl for me because of past experiences. I still don’t want to get attached to anybody or fall in love with. The only thing that I love is my work. And Tennis. Because I know, whatever happens, I won’t be separated from these two; and I will be living my life happier. Committed to work but I love being there when someone needs me, I want that nobody associated to me face any bit of problematic situation when I’m there. I love to keep my parents happy, my friends, girlfriend happy, and so I am the biggest choosy person ever when it comes to friendship.

Our training days were passing and we all are enjoying being there; it was a feeling of togetherness. Those three people were amazing, they learnt when it comes to learning, they enjoyed when it comes to enjoyment, they listen when I am speaking, and we went to an amusement park in Bangalore where we had the most amazing time as well. We sometimes go to KFC nearby or McDonald’s nearby rather than having a lunch at our office. I remember, it was a noon and there was a topic going on about Search Helps in ABAP. I explained and they were able to understand that topic. But, she was the only one who was not able to get what actually Search Helps are, she was confused, why are we pressing F4 in this, what actually Search Helps are doing? And I explained. More and more. But no, she didn’t get that. I asked her to sit near my table. I started explaining her with a pen and paper and suddenly a lovely moment came, when she kept her little finger onto mine. And I skipped a heartbeat. That feeling was so beautiful, that touch was so beautiful that I went off my senses. I didn’t heard any voice then, I skipped my breath, I skipped a heartbeat and that was actually the feeling that you experience once in a lifetime! I don’t know was it chemistry or physics or biology; I felt like something is very right. I had to inhale a

very deep breathe to level myself. She suddenly removed her finger and I continued explaining her as if nothing happened. But something happened.

Her hand was keeping on attracting my hand as if they were two different poles of magnets. My hand was touching hers, and my heartbeat was getting faster, I don’t know when but there came a moment when the gaps between my fingers were filled up with her fingers. It was inseparable. We looked at each other and smiled. I knew there was a feeling of being with someone who is mine much before this incident. That day was the most typical day I was ever living, just trying to be normal. We talked about this incident after few days, when she was with me in Café Coffee Day nearby my locality. We were sitting and talking, I told her about my life so far and she told about her. We sat there for more than four hours and discussed everything. So sweet, so simple. I wanted to propose her on a boat, in a lake near to my home. But unfortunately, that lake was dirty enough that no boat was able to be rowed. So later after this we actually went to CCD and everything that I told earlier took place. I said to her, “I know there was a feeling when I lost my senses, when I skipped my heartbeat, and everything I felt was so right. And that feeling is yet to come, again. . I love you”. You know what was the much amazing moment was; it was when without losing a second she replied me, “I love you too”. And our hands were onto each other, the same inseparable way. That was the time we were feeling so complete. And this is how our story started.

We started spending times together. In restaurants, in café, market, bus, malls. It was a pure feeling of love, no impure ingredients. All I want to do is to give her a very tight hug. Like I never want her to leave me. We decided about our future – that we won’t talk about it. We want to live, love and stay happy, very happy. Things started differently and too fast, but they all were perfectly timed. Nothing was in hurry, nothing was too late. Whenever I want to meet her, I take a bus from my home that directly drops me in front of her home. We walk hand in hands. She loves me the way nobody else does, neither anyone can. We fight sometimes real well, and then love. We laugh, motivate each other and stand by one another when we should be. Sometimes, time shows reality of people, and in her case too, it did. Time showed me that her love for me is increasing day by day. And same is mine! I started loving her because I’ve seen a purity in her love, an innocence, truth, unconditional feelings. Say, when I’m on a call with my mom for a long time, she gets a call waiting, she asks me without wasting a second, “Are you really like, talking to your mom?” to which I just laugh and tell her everything. A little feeling of possessiveness, makes us realize that you are great together. She have problem with girls who take initiative to talk to me, or the ones whom I say that they look good. She just say me, “kar ke to dekho kuch” or “here comes the b*tch” and this gives me a damn beautiful feeling of togetherness. I feel like there is really someone for whom I can take stand anytime. And what else does a man wants?

But things that are amazing, are not easy.

She is Muslim.

I am Hindu.

“Damn everything!” is what that comes to my mind every time when I try to see our future. For this reason, we never tried to see our future with each other. Hindu-Muslim is the only authorized hatred in the world that prevails everywhere. No other religion would have these much of issues that they have. And here comes a question – if you love her so much, why are you giving up? Well, let me get straight; this is a real life. We both belong to a family, where they don’t have any issues with inter-cast marriages,

but this is a case of inter-religion. She loves her mom so much she can’t live without talking to her for few hours, she loves her dad that much that she is able to sacrifice everything for him. And I, I am living a life where I want my dad to be recognized as “Swapnil Bhatnagar’s dad” among people. My life is for my mom, dad, sis, who already love me so much that nothing is much bigger than that. Our love will only hurt them, although, I will not miss an opportunity of meeting my mom and dad with such a wonderful girl.

And at last, I am left with only this thing – then why don’t you both leave each other or why have you even started this knowing everything or if you think about these all things then you don’t actually love each other. Things from the distance appears much easier than they really are. If you say, we are not worthy of love, then keep one thing in mind – love and respect of my and her parents is much bigger than anything else in this world. If you say, we both must not start this if we think about our parents, then no, I’m sorry but you don’t know pyaar to aese hi hota hai ( love happens this way). And inside we all are humans, who the hell knows a skeleton was a Muslim or a Hindu, we all want love, we all are attracted by each other, we all are just too same! Neither I nor she can repel this imperfectly perfect love, or the feeling or completeness that comes just by being with each other. It’s just not possible! I know only one thing, she is perfect for me and nobody can love her like me.

We just don’t give a damn to future, so we are together. We just respect our parents, probably we may not be together.

I just wish that some miracle happens, some time, she’ll be mine. Lord works in a mysterious way.

And today, before I started my day, I was sitting alone in the room, preparing to move Kolkata to start a new life, I have a feeling of getting separated, and that is why, I took my laptop and started writing everything. I usually write nothing as such; but today is special. The feeling that I have at this moment is inexpressive. Really, the life is just an act of moving on. But I’m too proud to lose a girl whom I love, who is more than perfect to me and who can’t be mine.