I hate shopping Its a clich I guess, girls like to shop, guys dont. But actually I hate shopping.I hate going to the supermarket. They are always so full, full of stressed out people pushing shopping trolleys. Im surprised there arent more fights. And I always buy the same food. Fruit because its good for me. Vegetables because they are also good for me. Eggs, chicken, yogurt and frozen pizza because, well, because I have to eat something. When was the last time you ate something and thought, wow, that tasted really good? Lets face it, most of the time, eating is really boring. Apart from chocolate ice cream that is. I just love chocolate ice cream, but of course I cant eat too much of it because, if I did, Id become fat and spotty. Another clich, life isnt fair Most of my girlfriends like buying clothes. They also like talking about clothes. Girls will sit for hours and discuss whether they should buy the green dress or the red dress, the black handbag or the blue handbag, the purple shoes, the orange sandals. I mean, really, who cares? Not me. Sometimes my girlfriends go window shopping. Window shopping does not mean they buy windows. It means they just look at the clothes, through shop windows, because they dont have enough money to buy them. Why are clothes so important? Do you ever think about how long you have to work to buy your clothes? Do you ever think about how long you spend in shops choosing clothes? We know we spend one third of our lives sleeping and another third working. Of whats left just how long do you spend shopping? I buy all my clothes in markets. Its quicker and much cheaper. And I like to talk to the stall owners. The old lady who owns the stall where I buy most of my clothes has fifteen grandchildren. One of them, Henry, was abducted, taken, by aliens. The old lady is not sure which planet the aliens came from. Apparently, Henry was abducted whilst he was playing football in the park. A space ship landed, a door opened, and two aliens with green heads rushed out and grabbed him. Why didnt somebody help him? Probably they were too scared. Its not every day you see an alien. Do you believe in aliens? Do you believe there is life on other planets? Do you believe the aliens are watching us? Maybe even studying us? Or preparing to invade us? I wonder what language aliens speak. Maybe they use sign language. Maybe they can read each others minds. Personally, I dont want to meet a mind-reading alien. My thoughts are for me. Only me. If I want someone else to know what I think Ill tell them. When the old lady told me about Henry I thought, "that cant be true. If a spaceship had landed in a park it would have been reported in a newspaper or on TV. I would have heard about it." I didnt say it though. No, I nodded and smiled. Do you ever do that? Think one thing and say another? I try not to. So when my girlfriends ask me to go shopping with them I say, no thanks I hate shopping. They think Im a bit strange. They wonder what I do while they are shopping. They think maybe Ive got a secret boyfriend. I dont have a secret boyfriend. I have an ex-boyfriend, Lex, and I hope I never see him again. While the girls are shopping I am not seeing Lex, no way, Im not. I am watching a movie or writing a letter or drinking coffee or visiting an art gallery. Do you ever think about your ex-boyfriend or girlfriend and think, dont know what I saw in him (or her)? Lex is not a good looking man. He smells of tobacco, coffee and garlic and he eats pizza in bed. What was I doing with him? I really dont know. I would rather go shopping than spend time with Lex. I would rather go window shopping than spend time with Lex. And to think, I used to kiss Lex almost every day. And worse, I did more than kiss him Anyway, some people believe that when you die your whole life flashes before your eyes. Just think of that. Youll see every pair of shoes you tried on, every pair of tight jeans you tried to squeeze into, all the underwear you ever wore. And youll have to look at every hairdo you ever had. Maybe youll think, I could have climbed the worlds highest mountain or written a symphony or driven a racing car but I didnt have time, I was shopping.