hypnotic influence - amazon s3 · the influence of positive behavior ... robert cialdini has...

Hypnotic Influence

How To Get Anyone Doing Your Bidding Anytime, Anywhere

www.UniversalLifeSecrets.com

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Copyright © 2010 Mentis Marketing LLP

All rights reserved. Published by Chris D’Cruz No part of this publication may be reproduced, stored in a retrieval system, or transmitted in any form or by any means, electronic, mechanical, photocopied, recorded, scanned, or otherwise, except as permitted under Canadian copyright law, without the prior written permission of the author. Notes to the Reader: While the author and publisher of this book have made reasonable efforts to ensure the accuracy and timeliness of the information contained herein, the author and publisher assume no liability with respect to losses or damages caused, or alleged to be caused, by any reliance on any information contained herein and disclaim any and all warranties, expressed or implied, as to the accuracy or reliability of said information. The publisher and the author make no representations or warranties with respect to the accuracy or completeness of the contents of this work and specifically disclaim all warranties. The advice and strategies contained herein may not be suitable for every situation. It is the complete responsibility of the reader to ensure they are adhering to all local, regional and national laws. This publication is designed to provide accurate and authoritative information in regard to the subject matter covered. It is sold with the understanding that neither the author nor the publisher is engaged in rendering professional services. If legal, accounting, medical, psychological, or any other expert assistance is required, the services of a competent professional should be sought. The words contained in this text which are believed to be trademarked, service marked, or to otherwise hold proprietary rights have been designated as such by the use of initial capitalization. Inclusion, exclusion, or definition of a word or term is not intended to affect, or to express judgment upon the validity of legal status of any proprietary right which may be claimed for a specific word or term. The fact that an organization or website is referred to in this work as a citation and/or potential source of further information does not mean that the author or publisher endorses the information the organization or website may provide or the recommendations it may make. Further, readers should be aware that the websites listed in this work may have changed or disappeared between when this work was written and when it is read. Individual results may vary.


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Contents The Secrets of the Act of Persuasion ....................................................... 3

The Influence of Positive Behavior......................................................... 13

Reciprocity to Influence People............................................................ 15

Understanding the Needs of People .................................................... 18

How to Exercise Higher Influence .......................................................... 20

Listening is Important to Influence Others ............................................ 23

How to Make Talking Effective .............................................................. 26

Handling Defensive People ................................................................... 28

How to Persuade People through Persistence..................................... 31

How to Make a Compromise while influencing people ..................... 33

How to Convince People to Think like You ........................................... 38

Make Use of Energy Force for Influencing People .............................. 45

How to Handle Useless Criticism ............................................................ 49

How to Make Friends .............................................................................. 52


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The Secrets of the Act of Persuasion

A journey abroad provides one a great chance to complete the reading of one

or two books. I finished a famous book naming “Influence the Psychology of

Persuasion” during my journey. Robert Cialdini has written this book. The reading

of this book refreshed the memories of my lectures on social psychology. It is

necessary for a manager, sales or marketing professional or a supervisor to read

this book

Almost all people attach the words ‘influence’ or ‘persuasion’ to method of

marketing. On the other hand, influencing is the main aim of almost all the

public functions. All the activities such as marketing, sales or administration are

needed to put an effect on others at some occasion. The purpose of activities

of marketing, sales or administration may be to persuade consumers, friends or

social group to purchase, to act, to admit or to trust. It generally aims at

influencing customers, colleagues or friends to buy, to act, to accept or to

believe in any item or any person. It requires a great skill to develop a quality to

impress others or ability to influence others in fair way.

Cialdini in his book discusses six methods, which can be used to market any

item, to persuade someone or to inspire any act. These methods include:


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reciprocation, consistency, likeability, authority and scarcity, commitment and

consistency, social proof.

Let’s discuss these methods in brief:

1. Reciprocity

Those people who have played premier role for offering services,

concessions, favors or concessions are obeyed by most of people. This is old

situation of ‘give and take’ according to which you have to do something in

return if someone does something for you. This kind of persuasion can be

used in countless scenes. This kind of tricks is used in supermarkets and big

businesses where you purchase item in response to bid of free food.

2. Commitment/Consistency

These days’ people are more interested in moving towards those people who

remain stick to their words and are also firm on their commitments. The

principle of consistency is very well applied in the field of Retail marketing.

Just for example, how marketing personnel prepares you for having a trial

with a new product and if once you are ready to try the product offered by

him then soon you will get ready to buy it.

3. Authority


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People with great interest follow the orders and suggestions of a

communicator who possess sufficient power and pertinent knowledge. For

instance a person with technical background possesses more convincing

power than a layman in front of jury. In advertising world the most popularly

used trick is to make an item popular with help of acknowledged expert

professionals. The words Dr or PhD attached before a name increases the

influence of name. For instance, Dan Carter sells a large amount of the

men’s underwear on behalf of men to women. A two-fold whammy in this,

Dan has made use of both attractiveness and authority.

4. Social Validation

Almost all people more readily take the suggested step, which is taken by

much same kind of people. Did you ever see that how a small collection of

people becomes center of attraction for a crowd and crowd could further

attract large number of people – In case a road entertainer can attract 4 or

5 persons to stand and see this is for sure that very soon the total number of

people will be 20? When two or more people put money into a cap then

many more will also do the same.

5. Scarcity

The things and openings, which are insufficient uncommon or declining in

accessibility, are considered more striking by most of the people. The recent


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crusade of Air New Zealand’s naming ‘grab a seat’ is based on the principle

of scarcity. One more example of scarcity principle is a one day ticket sale

of a trendy show or occasion that was sold in last 30 minutes before the

beginning of show.

6. Liking/Friendship/Attractiveness

Beauty is also sold on many occasions. People about whom they are aware

of and people fond of them choose those things and people, as they are

beautiful. It’s an established fact that an affable or good-looking candidate

will put more influence on electorate than a good policy. Electorate will be

more swayed by an attractive, friendly candidate than policy. There are

many billboards in the street for elections, which assist the voters to vote in

opposition to a candidate.


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Measurement of Influence

One’s power to manipulate and control depends mainly on one’s personality.

One’s ability to influence can also be measured on the basis of one’s

personality. A person’s capability to influence and persuade is calculated in the

evaluation profile.

There are many other features in portrait of Rembrandt, which are related to

one’s capacity to influence. These features include; desire to face opposition,

Inspiration to Influence, Assertion, Empathy and Resilience. It is essential to make

sure that while selecting and increasing workers who are required to manipulate

(marketing people, call centre staff, team leaders, managers etc) should have

inherent qualities to force this skill. The art of influencing is really very dominant.

People who are more ready to make a change and enlargement in their

businesses need to be aware of this theory.

Different styles of influencing

The way you advance and the way you perform will have a striking influence on

your eventual victory or failure. A wide variety of approaches and the styles

offer you a chance to behave in flexible way. This thing provides you more

options to attain success.


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Natural Styles for influencing others

Most of the managers prefer to use the normal style every time to influence

others. On the other hand, some managers have also set aside an alternative

style while they fail to get most wanted outcomes with their favored style of

working. Still there are minimum eight recognized ways to influence, which do

not include any room for manipulation or anger.

Your expertise in variety of styles makes your success certain as you have to

influence different kinds of people. Just enjoy great success by using latest style

of influencing achieve by taking a move different from your natural style.

One you consider all the styles of influencing, select the best option amongst

them, which may prove most effective. If you keep on changing you style again

and again, you may spoil your image.

The Autocratic Approach

You ask them and they will be ready. Just make use of force when you:

• Wish to get fast response

• Look for short-term obligation.

• Are glad to test out and pursue side by side.


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When this approach is sustained with power, control, age, information or

wisdom, this will provide beneficial results and confrontation or objections are

reduced. You ask others to do what you wish them to do. Just keep one thing in

mind that the approach of autocracy can be really harmful. It may give birth to

feelings of jealousy in you.

The Collaborative Approach

You should try to involve others in the act of taking a decision. Apply push style

while:

• You wish to put lasting influence on others

• You look for a high degree of commitment

• You don’t have time to implement the outcome

This approach does effectively without control or authority. One should keep in

mind that approach based on principle of democracy takes some time to offer

beneficial results. Don’t loose hope very early. Don’t try to implement too many

factors and or conditions –This will fill others with disappointment.

The Logical Approach

You should try to use obvious logical, unquestionable arguments along with

proof. Apply this approach when:

• The other individual ask for proof and detailed description.


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• You are ready to complete your homework.

• You are ready to wait for a response.

This approach performs the finest while the other individual is a rational or linear

thinker. Try to stay away from embellishment and useless emotion. Use facts and

figures as an alternative. But, you may consider this style as tedious and

disappointing. You may also be compelled to write it. Take time to get your

argument ready and to give its explanation. Just wait for the response also.

The Emotional Approach

You make use of your ordinary appeal charisma or zeal. Apply emotion when:

• You wish others to consider element of thrilling project.

• You wish to spark inspiration in someone.

• You are really excited concerning an idea.

This approach performs when your manipulation becomes an actual expansion

of your individual emotions and values. You will empathize with the continuing

importance of your ideas due to their long lasting effects. Keep one thing in

mind that an emotional approach involves risks. It may give disappointment. The

painful memoirs remain in memory for a long time.

The Assertive Approach


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You ask openly, plainly and with assurance whatever you wish, or don’t wish. Be

confident when:

• You wish to manipulate autocratic people.

• You wish to influence manners.

• You require doing and starting, rather than responding.

Boldness may have a long lasting effect, particularly on those who expect this

slightest. Any confrontation can be achieved by your diligence. Assertive

manipulation has small risk or no risk.

The Passive Approach

You can win by being obedient, by not explicitly influencing. Just stay passive

when:

• You wish to manipulate others by individual demonstration.

• You wish to do away with absent resistance.

• You have finished with all other appeals.

The others can look for themselves the importance in taking your guidance as

you silently show your preferred manners. Many prospective conflicts with

control or authority claim obedient influence, which may have positive effect.

The disadvantage of this is that your obedience may fill you with emotions of

disrespect. Can you stay with this?


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The Sales Approach

You make use of decent traditional salesmanship. Make use of salesmanship

when:

• You discern that other individual supposes to be marketed to

• You require posing the profits your counsel will generate.

• You take huge joy in selling ideas.

Try to understand their opinion, recognize their needs, show that you sympathize;

reduce confrontation by demonstrating how their thoughts join together with

your individual thoughts; explain how they will be benefited. Try to understand

that rational or obedient people usually dislike an explicit sales appeal and may

try their best to spoil your plans.

The Bargaining Approach

You trade allowances and reach a commonly tolerable conclusion. Try to

negotiate when:

• Both of you are interested in moving forward with the thought.

• You are happy and able to offer a few concessions

• You wish to achieve a win-win conclusion

Try to get as much benefit as you can. Your victory as a just negotiator will assist

in building the relationship. Try to set a small target and you will get even smaller.


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If you work together with others a lot then you may repent later. Always operate

concessions.

The Influence of Positive Behavior

Who has put a great influence on your life? A parent, close relative, boss,

companion or neighbors? There may be chance that they may have done

nothing special to influence you; they may only have behaved in a normal way

that you may have noticed and have decided to follow.

The manners of others may influence in a great way, when they notice the

behavior in which you deal with anger, handle uncomfortable customers,

organize group behavior, answer tricky questions, overcome confrontation, stick

to your beliefs, move the talk etc.

Behaviors That Support the Influencing Process

There are certain behavior traits that support the process of influencing people.

These include

• Regular maintenance of relationship.

• Sustain proper eye connection.

• Harmonious body language according to your messages.


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• Proper voice pitch, which highlight what you say

• Flexibility – Be ready to alter your approach, when required.

• Understanding and approval of the desires of others

• Use less conditional words, which water down your messages

Model Behavior

Just assume that you don’t possess required flexibility in your style. It is easy to

notice, judge and copy the powerful behaviors of other people. If you’ve

learned any skill from a master, you would have learned this by now.

Just assume that you know an individual who make use of an influencing way

especially in graceful or powerful manner. You have noticed this as you wish to

recover in you. By minutely noticing what goes for that individual and observing

the effect that it has put on others, you can start conducting test by using these

behaviors or tactics and using them for yourself also. Behavior can generally be

imitated.


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Reciprocity to Influence People

Dr. Robert Cialdini in his book, Influence: Science and Practice, describes many

ways by which individuals influence each other. Just for instance, we learn from

an eminent psychology research many years ago concerning false electrical

currents that grown will usually go to great heights on the power of authority. We

understand that allowing someone to publicly perform their deeds or behaviors

motivates and strengthens that particular behavior to reoccur.

Dr. Cialdini's lesson on reciprocation might be the very interesting and

resourceful. Cialdini's lesson is simple – human beings will always be ready to

return in kind, whatever other person has given. As he provides it: the decision to

fulfill the other person’s request is promptly effected by the reciprocity rule.

Just consider the number of times you have completed something just as you

were recurring "the favor." Did we require performing it? No. But there is very

strong social pressure to balance the imbalance, which prevails when anybody

does anything for you. We are trained in childhood to stand for this law or have

to face social condemnation.


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Just do something for others without expecting anything from them in return. It

may be very small help such as helping others in loading some unmanageable

packages. You may also forward any good job opportunity to others. The

support that you have provided may not be same as your request to other

person. Just the difference that you have provided something generates an

autonomic reaction from us for maintaining balance.

Corrupt marketing people may misuse this approach to a great extent. So, take

care as this may be used on you. But if incase you are trying to influence

anyone’s behavior then try to do something good to others first and you will feel

that it hardly makes any difference. Reciprocity is really a strong weapon of

influence.

You may not be able to control people but you may be able to allow people to

control their behavior in way that you may be able to get benefit from them.

Perhaps people may not be agreeing to do whatever you ask them to do. You

have to get the people to perform whatever they wish to perform, when you

power their control over themselves. This statement will demonstrate you how to

perform that.

There are two methods to control others acts. The first is, behavior change, allow

you to alter a person's unwanted behaviors with use of positive support. The

second way to influence is reality change. We will focus most of our


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consideration on second one. This influencing method is unbeaten due to

method with which your requests are demonstrated. In this statement, I will

demonstrate the way to get anything. The secret to achieve what you wish is

the method you use for getting it.


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Understanding the Needs of People

People usually have three main goals, which are as follows:

1. Symbolic rewards 2. Material gains 3. Security

Symbolic Rewards

All of us wish to get recognition and admiration as symbolic rewards. Everyone

wish to feel significant and special. The process of admiring and recognizing a

person is a useful motivator. One should give reward for good work in form of

admiration every time and offer just and significant criticism for bad actions if

you have some patience then you can easily see the outcomes of your

symbolic awards.

Material Rewards

People may not be able to understand the importance of Material rewards but

these have their own significance. In every capitalist society, the position of an

individual is evaluated by his or her material status. In his way material growth is

an important motivator and its existence can put a useful influence on others.

Security


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Everyone look for safety and constancy Security is acquired when people realize

that they are related to others and others need him or her. People look for

security in their jobs, companions, family, etc. There are a number of methods to

augment others feelings of security.

A) Tell people what you can offer them and what you will be expecting from

them in return. Let them know the reason and way of your relation with them

B) Let others feel how you need them and how you are related to them. Explain

a need of their existence.

C) Let others understand how they are touching your life and what

achievements of their hard work are. Let them know how their efforts are

valued.

D) Just confirm that various parties in the relationship are well matched.


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How to Exercise Higher Influence

People must be comfortable in their relationships and if it is not so then make

efforts for making them feel comfortable. You can exert more influence by

following the below steps.

• Try To Understand What You Want

Just try to understand what you wish to accomplish, whether it is to moderate

unwanted behavior of other person or to influence him to admit your opinion.

Just stick to clear idea of your desire accomplishments in your brain. Just do

away with your hazy objectives and try to understand that you need exactly.

You can make use of your influencing capacity by taking first move of

understanding your own motive.

• Know Others Expectations

Just try to gather exact idea of what you expect from yourself and about

what other people expect from you. People usually make unnatural

expectations from others by collecting all the decent qualities they observe

in others and try to make effort to possess them all. Anyone doesn’t expect

you to be just right.


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• Just be Constant

Determine to do everything in a better way and be constant till the time you

don’t achieve the outcomes you wish to achieve. Try to do whatever is

important for you again and again. Don’t allow any refusal or bad

experience to prevent you. Improve yourself by learning from mistakes and

just carry on.

• Give Something to Receive Something

You cannot get anything in the world free of cost. You must pay in order to

get something. Some items carry high price and on the other hand some

items are more valuable to you. You have to observe your options properly

and have to decide what you can offer for what you wish to get.

• Listen to other People

You cannot achieve anything in the world alone. You always need

assistance from other people. People can teach you how to become more

important in the eyes of others. Just lend an ear to what others say

• Expect from others


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You can achieve more when you expect more. All your expectations from

others will surely turn into reality. That thing will surely occur which you wish to

occur. If you work hard you will see good results.

• Have a Positive Attitude

When you think in a positive way then everything will be positive in life

• Promise Others to Do More

Just promise to do more for others and also try to do more for them. This is

method with which great achievers have done it. Tell other what you will do

for them and then try to do more.

• Just Give Others What They Want

You must give things to others in order to get things from them. Don’t expect

others to take first step always. If you wish to be victorious and move forward

in life then you have to take first step ahead. Everybody wish to achieve

some aims and objectives in life. If you assist others in accomplishing their

aims and objectives then they wish to do something for you in response. You

will always move ahead by offering people what they wish.


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Listening is Important to Influence Others

Listening is a very essential practice in human communication. You are loosing a

great way to influence others if you don’t listen to others. People will surely pay

attention to you if you listen to them. You will do away with all the obstacles in

process of communication when you listen to what is going on in minds of

others. Listen properly even if you feel that you know what others are going to

utter. People will feel that you are not paying attention to them incase you are

not a good listener. People will fond of you if you listen to them. Don’t you

admire people who listen to you? It is the case with others.

• Remove All Distractions

Distractions can hinder good speakers and listeners. It is essential to eliminate

all distractions while listening to others. You wish to generate an affectionate

and relaxed environment for speaker.

• Practice of Asking Questions

The activity of asking questions will stimulate the thinking practice in people.

You provide people with an opportunity to give way to their opinions and


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feelings by stimulating their thinking practice. The practice of asking questions

is the only way to gather knowledge about others. People will admire you if

you allow them to think in their own way. You will be able to do things for

others, which they themselves can’t do for them. You will help others feel

important by listening to them. They will feel important by your apprehension.

• Carry On an Open Conversation

You must carry on the conversation openly to listen. Some people are not

very expressive so you need to put questions to them to continue the process

of conversation. All your queries must be about who, where why what, when,

whom and how.

• Ask Proper Questions

All the questions you put to others must possess a special purpose. If it will not

be so you will miss reliability. You must ask questions according to

comprehension of people. Avoid asking tough questions as this may confuse

others. Just ask one question in one time. Let others tell you how ‘why’ is

great question to rise. The cause of asking questions from people is to get

correct answers. Your questions should provoke exact answers. Your

questions should not allow others to guess answers in advance. The practice

of questioning can loose its importance if others are able to guess answers.


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• Just Listen and Resolve an Argument

I have resolved many problems only by listening. It is really tough to trust but it

really goes. It works well when someone wishes to prove his or her right by

explaining one’s point of view to you. Here is the method to handle the

situation to achieve good result even if argument is senseless.

The first step is to listen to the individual carefully and without interruption. This

is how your listening skill helps you. You should use phrases “yes" or "I

understand" in order to confirm that you are listening. Your agreement is

essential to other person’s point of view. You tell other person that you are

able to understand him or her even if you are not agreeing with him or her.

Ask the person that what you can do for him or her when other person

completes his or her argument. Most of people will get ready to accept your

argument by use of this method. The main reason for this is that most of

people want someone to pay attention to them.


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How to Make Talking Effective

It is really essential to listen what others wish to say. Other people also must listen

what you wish to say. This lesson will tell you how to speak effectively.

Get the Other Person's Attention

The first thing you must do when trying to make a point is to get the other

person's attention. Make sure the other person is listening to you before you

begin talking. If the other person is not listening, then you are wasting your time

trying to get through to him.

Convey your Message Properly

Other person must be able to comprehend your message Try to avoid the

language and words, which other may not be able to understand.

Fill Your Message With Benefits.

People don’t wish to hear what you expect from them. So, just tell them what

you can do for them. Explain the benefits to others in your message. Just don’t

say, “Pay attentions to me as I am more intelligent than you” rather say, “I will tell

you the ways to be influential, if you listen to me”.

Begin Conversation on Subject of Mutual Understanding.

Start your conversation to other person on a subject of common understanding.

Here is one example to justify this concept: If you wish someone to switch off


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lights when there is no use of it. You must not ask that person directly to switch

off light. Instead of this you should first tell him or her about importance of

conserving light for both of you and then ask him or her for turning off lights.

Give Reasons of Your Requests

Don't ask someone directly to listen to you rather explain him or her reason of

listening to you. Don’t give order to anyone directly to follow particular course of

action. First tell other person why he or she should follow your command. Give

the other person any beneficial reason to obey you.

Change of Subject

When you are going to shift from one subject to another in your conversation

then tell this thing to listener in advance otherwise the listener will get confused

and will not be able to get you. It is good for a person not to listen such a

conversation, which may confuse him or her. More information on "effective

talking" can be gathered from the portion on criticizing others.


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Handling Defensive People

We usually think that people confront us, when they try to save themselves.

People usually make use of various types of defense mechanisms to prove

themselves as people, which they are actually not. It is easy to handle defensive

people by going behind their fronts.

Only some defensive people can really understand that they are defensive.

They usually feel that they are acting in interest of others. An outsider can notice

defensiveness in an individual on many occasions, while the individual himself

can’t realize it. The people who keep on making excuses regularly and run

away from taking any risk have flaw within themselves. The person who speaks

about his intelligence on regular basis actually has fear of losing it. However,

such a person tries a lot to convince others about it. On some occasions, such a

person proves an "over-achiever" and has to pay for his weaknesses. For

instance, he may end up his social life to give all his time to homework.

People who wish to conceal the fact that they are poor performers usually

make fun of others for being poor performers. In this manner they show their

individual mistakes onto others in place of considering these to themselves.

When you meet such a person then don’t call him big mouth. The best step you

can take is asking such person to keep quite. This will decrease the problem on

temporary basis but only that person himself can solve this problem.


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Criticize Action Not the Person

We criticize other person’s behavior for changing it. We want other person to

change his behavior or attitude as we think that the other person is wrong. If you

condemn other people, as they are stupid or foolish, etc., then those people will

stop giving respect to you. If you condemn the acts of people not their

intelligence, then they'll modify their actions and will keep on giving respect to

you.

Defensiveness is a natural response to insecurity and every person may be

insecure in one-way or the other. There are many ways to handle defensive

people without being disappointed or disturbed. The guidelines for handling

defensive people are:

Don’t Accuse a Person for Defensive Behavior

It can be harmful to accuse a person for being defensive. Don’t utter words

such as, "You cannot face the situation that is why you are defensive."

Consider Your Mistakes

No one expects you to be all right. Everyone commit mistakes but nobody will

live up to them. Just say sorry when you commit a mistake. If you have done

something wrong then consider your fault. All of us learn from our mistakes and if

we repeat any mistake second time then we should have guilt about it.


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Solve the Actual Problem

If you are aware of the cause behind the insecurity of a person then try to

search its actual solution. When a person feels insecure about one’s poor looks

or personality then encourage him or her about his good qualities and pleasant

appearance.

Questioning and Listening May Help

Never point out the weakness of a person directly. You can help a person in

understanding his problems by your qualities of questioning and listening. When

you ask question, try to ask hazy questions and take person to a position where

he realize himself. Here is one simple question to ask: "I feel you are angry. What

do you think about this condition?"

Leave the Person Alone

It is good to leave a person alone in a situation in which he does not wish to talk.

Keep one thing in mind that you can really help a person in great way by

helping him in realizing his problems.


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How to Persuade People through Persistence

When you have a constant desire to achieve something, you will surely get that

thing. The main reason for this is that, it is easy for people to do what they really

wish to do. There should always be a reason for you to ask for something.

Children usually have expertise in this. Here are some steps that you must take to

make use of persistence in effective manner:

Make Use of Direct Statement

Tell the other person calmly in a straightforward manner that you want. The

examples for this are: "I wish to...” “Tell me”. This will make the other person feel

that it is something that you really desire. It is always better to make use of a

direct statement in a polite manner rather than beating about the bush.

Repeat Request

Say again and again what you wish to achieve or a logical compromise, by the

time you are not heard. Don't allow anyone to divert you with blames or

excuses. No matter what another person tells, just repeat your request again

and again. This will give a reinforcing impact.


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Maintain Your Calm

This becomes very important. Try to maintain your calm while making request

and don’t let your calm get disturbed by the unpleasant words.

Make a Commitment with Other Person

Another person may not accept you demand and that person may not give

clear answer. He may use expressions such as, "We'll look," "very soon,” etc. You

should ask for commitment in such situation

Stick to Commitment

Just make this thing sure that other person has fulfilled his commitment. In case

the other person’s act does not match the terms of agreement that he made

with you then contact that person again. Refer back to person to ask him to

stick to terms of agreement.


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How to Make a Compromise while influencing people

On most of the occasions, you just have to compromise by being persistent. It is

good to do compromises, as these will bring you a step near to your aim. Don’t

make any compromise, which you are not able to accept. This thing may not

be favorable for you. Here are some steps that you need to make most out of a

compromise.

Place Your Demand Properly

Tell the other person in direct terms properly what you wish so that he may be

able to understand. For instance “I wish more..."

Be Strong and Constant

You must be able handle the pleas and excuses of other person. You must be

strong and constant so that other person may not be able to overpower you.

Be Sure Before Making Compromise

In case you are not sure about anything then don’t get ready to make any

compromise about it. You must think over the whole situation properly. Take as

much time as you wish to take to think before making any compromise. Be sure

that you are able to continue with the agreement


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Everyone wish to be admired by other people. People will like you if you treat

them according to their desired way. A number of times we don’t know

whether the things done by us are liked by people or not. Here are some things

which people like and also the list of things to which people object.

Praise

Everybody wish to earn praise. People want their endorsement from others. You

should praise others when they require to be praised. You will miss your reliability

if you keep on praising others uselessly. Don’t offer extra praise to anyone. Your

praise must be cool and honest.

Don't Insult Others If you insult others then this may damage your relationship to that person.

People feel insulted when they are referred as stupid or weird. Don’t put down

anybody even if that person is absent. Always speak about others in a positive

manner. Don’t say anything about a person you don’t like. This attitude will offer

you amazing social benefit.


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Don't Show Concern Yourself Only

There is nothing wrong in looking out for yourself until you think completely about

yourself only. People don’t like selfish people. Don’t let your concern for you

come into notice of others rather show your concern for others. People will surely

admire this attitude of yours. Assure others that you are equally concerned for

yourself and others.

Share Your Credit

Share your benefit with people who have made contribution in your credit even

if their contribution was very small. You will be amazed at the generous reaction

of people when you share your reward or benefit with them.

Don't Expect Help from Others

Don’t expect others to help you if you yourself are not interested in helping

others. Take the first step first. Others will help you if you help them.

Show Appreciation

Everybody wishes endorsement and credit for whatever they have achieved.

You should praise others for their efforts for you. A person will never do any thing

for you if you don’t admire the actions of that person. Here are some examples

that how you can appreciate the efforts of others: “I admire the way you”, “You

are really very nice.” Your show of admiration for others should be cool and

warm


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Avoid “Showing Up" Others

Don’t "show up" anyone in front of others. The person to whom you show up may

loose his self respect in this way. If you are good then everybody knows this. You

need not to insult others.

Give Importance to Small Problems

The problem, which appear small to you, may be big in the eyes of others. Don’t

take the problems of others lightly. You can show your care and concern for

others by taking their small problems seriously.

Care for Others

It is really essential to make others realize that you are also concerned about

them. When you care for people then they feel important. You can make

others feel important by sharing their regular joys and sorrows.

Criticize Others in Private

If you criticize others publicly then they will dislike you, as people feel insulted

and confused due to it. Always criticize others beneficially and in private.

Give Proper Attention

Everybody wish to be considered important. You must give proper attention to

others while communicating to them to make them feel important. Avoid all

diversions and maintain proper eye contact with them.


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Be Courteous and Tactful

Everyone appreciates the people who are polite and tactful. One should learn

this good quality from others. Observe someone who is like this and se how that

person does this.

Stay Confident

People will not be sure about you if you are not sure about yourself. People give

great regard to confident people. Just work on your insecurities and be sure

about yourself. Others will doubt you if you give them chance to doubt.


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How to Convince People to Think like You

If you criticize others then you can influence others. We can change the

behavior of others by means of criticism. If people don’t act according to our

wish then we criticize them. Criticism is very important although this word has

negative implication in society. If you wish to criticize someone in constructive

manner then follow the following steps.

Criticism

Make sure whether the individual you are going to criticize has really done

something wrong. Try to understand the person you are going to criticize. Just

make sure that you understand his personality well. Don’t waste your time in

criticizing a person about whom there is no scope of change of personality. If a

person is not able to alter any particular characteristic then don’t try to change

it. You can be benefited in form of improved relationship with that person whom

you think of criticizing. It is essential that a person should improve due to your

criticism. Here are some guidelines for criticizing others. You will certainly get

people following your counsels.


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Constructive Criticism

When you criticize someone, just target exact point and tell that person about

most unwanted thing in his behavior. A person may not be able to change his

behavior if you don’t tell him where he is wrong. Make one thing sure that the

person to whom you are criticizing is able to understand the reason of your

criticism.

Don’t Criticize Too Much

You may loose the actual purpose of your criticism if you criticize a person in

excess. The power of your criticism is lost when it is used in excess. The person

you criticize may start disliking you if you don’t give him proper time to change.

Criticize a person when it is essential. Just criticize only one undesired thing at a

time if there are several unwanted things in one’s behavior.

Avoid Using the Words "Never" Or "Always"

Never use words like "never" or "always" as these may provoke people to be

defensive in their behavior. If you use these words to explain the behavior of

others then it gives an indication that the flaws in their behavior are regularly

noticed which not the case is actually. "Usually" and “sometimes" are more

suitable words to describe the behavior of defensive person. In place of

“seldom” use the word “never”. People will get offended if we use the word

“never” to describe the flaws in their behavior


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Don't Add Fun to Your Criticism

People may feel that you are laughing at them although it may be comic for

you to find faults in their behavior. You can’t expect people to moderate their

behavior if you don’t criticize them honestly.

Avoid Making Comparison

If we compare one person to another then it may offend the person you

criticize. Avoid making any comparison as this may put down another person.

The comparisons those may appear good can have reverse effect. Positive

comparison can put positive effect such as “you are the best person”.

Criticize a Person at Proper Time

When a person commits any unfavorable act then it is best time for criticizing

that person. In case you are not able to change the behavior of a person at

proper time then try to change it when you are alone with that person.

Begin and End discussion with Sincere Praise

Everyone requires criticism of one’s mistakes and recognition for one’s good

deeds. Start criticizing person by defining his positive points. Tell him why you like

him and how his acts are important for you. Let him know how he pleases you

and how much his actions mean to you. Then start telling him that he has many

positive points but he is needed to change just one thing. Discuss about the fault

in behavior by the end of discussion by giving praise.


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Give Positive Expectations to Others

Give positive hope to people so that they may live and avoid giving negative

reputation to others. This is best way to influence people for working for you. Set

some standard for people to achieve and try to give them high standard so that

they may work to get them. If you show confidence in them then they will be

able to develop confidence with in themselves. They will surely try to meet your

expectations. If you say someone that you don’t know whether you will be able

to do this or not then that person may not do that. On the other hand if you tell

other person that you know that you can do this then he will work for meeting

your expectations. The phrases, which can be really helpful, are: “I know you

can do great job”, “I know you are the best”.

Just Maintain Your Calm

No one can else disappoint you but only yourself. If you loose your temper with

anyone then this will harm you only. Your problems can be solved with

understanding and logic. Aggression and disappointment can never solve any

of your problems. Don’t let your emotions and anger become hurdles in your

way.

Avoid Blaming Anyone Directly

Don't blame anyone directly for his or her mistakes. Just take help of vague

questions to know from anyone about what has happened and what they have

done. This will decrease their resentment caused due to wrong blame on them.


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Try to avoid passing any remark about the personal abilities or intellectual

though the person has made any mistake. The method of sincere questioning in

described in the last chapter

Listen to the Story of Other Person

The other person will tell you everything just with some good questions. While the

person will explain his story to you then he will understand what he has done

actually. He will disclose the reason of his mistake. Any remedy can be done to

problem one’s both you search out the actual reason of mistake.

Try to Understand Actual Problem

Try to study the situation properly. In case you commit any mistake the other

person may not be able to understand how to tell you anything. You can solve

a problem only if you are able to understand it properly. Try to search the

answer of questions those come to your mind .Try to understand the problem

from the point of view of other person. Observe all the facts properly and

objectively.

Tell other Person that is essential

Tell the other person that he has to listen not what he wishes to listen. If you think

any thing is necessary for him to listen then tell that thing to him. Tell the other

person what is essential for him in a useful or positive manner.


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Consider Your Mistakes

People will easily get ready to accept their errors if you admit your own errors

before them. Tell others that you have also committed same mistakes and

explain them the way you handled same kind of situations. This will help them in

feeling better about them.

Don’t Blame Anybody Directly

You should not blame anyone directly to solve any problem. Have a discussion

with the person with whom you are having problems. Explain him your problems

without mentioning the name of any person directly. This is such an indirect way

of referring problem that a problem can also be solved with this only. It can

help other person to understand the problem and also to solve it.

Method of Punishment

You must not give over punishment to a person for his wrongdoing. People may

get angry with you if you give them extra punishment for their wrong act. On the

other hand if you don’t punish others for their wrong get then they may also take

advantage of you. The most effective way to punish any person is to ask that

person to decide his punishment Just ask the other person what should be done

to him for his mistake. The other person would give more tough punishment to

himself. You should reduce the degree of punishment in such case. The other

person will also feel good about you. If a person tells very low punishment for his


44

wrongdoing then you should say, “I am sorry, but this punishment was not in my

mind. I consider that…. is just”

End Your Criticism with Praise

It is essential that a person must understand that you are helping him by

criticizing him. You must maintain his self-esteem. After completing his criticism,

tell that person about his positive points.

Improve Your Actions

Enhance or reduce your actions according to the reactions of others. Praise is a

powerful reward. You can really influence others by praising them for their

achievements. You can achieve good results by rewarding others for their good

actions.

Criticize Again, If Necessary

You need to talk to a person again and again if the person is not showing

improvement in his behavior. You must speak to him second time with strict

approach. In case you need to speak to him more than twice then try to check

your methods of criticism. Make one thing sure that you are not criticizing a

person for such a fault in his behavior which he is not able to change.


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Make Use of Energy Force for Influencing People

You can help others feel in same way as you feel with the help of vibrations and

you can also give the same vibrations to others also. The moment you focus on

particular thing you pass on all your vibrations to that. Your thinking power can

direct your life force. Develop the art of feel s you can make others feel with the

help of feelings. Just have only that mental state which you with others to have

People who influence you actually pass on their emotions. One needs to have

emotions in order to pass it to others. You can’t transfer anything until you have

that thing. You should have confidence if you have the capacity to do

something not as you have done it earlier. The confidence does not come after

doing something. You have to behave as if you have already done this.

The mind makes the energy work. Will is the ruling capacity of mind. You can

make the energy work by your will power. Energy moves according to your will.

You can send out your energy by feeling that it is coming out of you. Feeling is

the force of energy. Energy is material and material is energy. You can put a

great effect on reality with feeling and energy force. You can call for energy

and give it shape with your willpower. You can affect physical reality by power

of your will. The feeling and energy are your own powers to attract others. You

must be capable to call and stop the flow of energy.


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People who hold the positions of power move with space around them. The

space around them is according to the energy in them. The space increases

with the increase of energy. The people move about you move according to

your force of energy. The force of energy may be weak, strong or constant.

If you walk with a feeling that you are a prince who has lot of power then you

spread a lot of energy around you and this will generate a lot of space around

you that will leave space for you to walk. You can walk like a powerful prince.

The energy force of your mind will affect the minds of other and will affect the

physical reality and make space for you to walk. The energy force will also help

you to know the way on which you can move freely without much effort. You

can actually control reality with the power of your will. The force of directing

things move your way can be used on many other occasions than walking.

You will become alert to the force of nerve, which comes out of you and enters

into the atmosphere around you. It will stay at a distance of many feet around

you. You will come to know about the effect of your physical energy upon

others who come in contact with you. You can see the effect of your powerful

magnetic effect on others. Others will also tell you indirectly that they feel the

power of their energy while they come in contact with others.

Spread your energy in the room and allow it to strike the wall and it will come

back to you. When you focus on someone then you can send energy towards


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that person. When you connect to yourself then you get connected to more

energy. The things those disturb people are tensions and problems. Maintain

tension and problems until people become so disturbed that they start desiring

to get rid f them. You can ask questions to create tension and pressure. When

you maintain pressure then it converts into pain. Tension has been released to

generate pleasure. Just maintain and leave.

You can also see the effect of your magnetic energy on weak and sick people

who get in touch with you. The weak and ill people will get energy by your

presence and don’t wish you to leave. You may feel it difficult to prevent them

from getting attached to you and in maintaining your energy level. When you

learn the art of making use of your power of mind then you can easily get rid of

them. At the same time when you develop your mental energy you can treat

others with your mental energy or with direct hand touch. The energy will flow

from your hands and will energize weak people. You can also become a

magnetic healer by practicing this art regularly.

You will experience some unusual things while deal with this energy. The people

who shake hand with you will influence by your powerful energies and your

energy will flow towards them through their body. Sometimes the energy from

your body will flow in a noticeable manner on the other hand it may also flow in

form of normal current


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The person who is similar to you will be able to handle the situation. The person

who has faith is more powerful than someone who is expressive. People may not

be able to recall what you said but they will be able to remember your energy

and strong desire. When you do things with restricted faith then their result will

also be restricted. You can easily get across your message when you have

strong reason. If you have faith that others need to hear what you say then that

thing will surely be heard. You can easily handle the hurdles if you reach a place

where you wish to convey something important. Just communicate others

externally. When you begin talking to yourself then it is over. What you wish to

happen, you just have to feel and see that thing and it will surely occur. It is very

frequent thing that comes out of you.

We must not claim success for ourselves always. If you are worried for the

success of any friend or close relative then you can think about his success also.

Just imagine that person in the situation in which you wish to see him. If that

person possesses some weakness then that weakness will get over? You just think

of his weaknesses replaced by positive qualities. You can stimulate the mental

powers of that person and if once those powers will be aroused then they will

start working themselves only.


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How to Handle Useless Criticism

Sometimes criticism is not healthy. We must try to handle useless criticism always.

If someone says, "You are looking terrible today," or "You don't understand

anything, you idiot." When you are faced with such type of situation then follow

the following steps.

Give Consent to the Facts

Just be careful and review the criticism offered by someone. Be agreeing with

him on facts. In the above question you could answer, "I haven't been feeling

well today," and "No, I don't understand this subject very much." When you give

response to that question only the other person ask. Don’t answer what he

means.

Answering to the Criticism

Just remain cool during the whole conversation. Don’t get angry. You will feel

bad only you take criticism personally and not in useful way. Don’t waste much

time on thinking about criticism that other person has offered to you. You need

not to hit back the other person or protect your pride if you take the criticism of

other person in useful way. Accept Your Mistakes.

If you commit a mistake then don’t feel bad about it. If you commit any mistake

then say sorry sincerely and make effort to improve your mistakes. There is no


50

need of any serious apology if you just say sorry. Such type of situations will only

confuse you and make you uneasy.

How to Make Most Out of Criticism

When someone criticizes you in positive way then try to learn from it.

Constructive criticism can change your personality and turn you into a better

human being. The following steps will help you in learning from constructive

criticism.

Take Feedback

Search out the thing that others don’t like about you. If someone does not like

anything about you then ask that person what exactly he does not like. Be

constant and firm so that other person may remain precise about criticism. Just

ask other what you should do to change the unwanted thing in you behavior.

Hazy criticism will be useless for you.

Use Assumption to know Your Faults

When anyone criticizes you unclearly but can’t tell you precisely what he dislikes

in you then thing about the criticism people made to you in past. Many people

often dislike the same thing in you. The is the only way to know about the fault in

your behavior


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Avoid Being Defensive

You may not be gain from positive criticism if you try to defend yourself. Don’t

be angry or hostile towards another person. Just keep this thing mind that other

person is criticizing you as he wishes to se improvement in your behavior and

improve relation with you.


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How to Make Friends

Everyone wish to have company of others and everybody wish to come in

contact with such people with whom one can enjoy long and close friendship.

Here are some steps which you need to follow t have successful meeting with

people and make them friends.

Introduce Yourself

Try to understand the person you are dealing with. Just try to consider that

person as understanding, friendly and good. Provide that person the information

so that he may become interested in you. Give only that information to other

person, which may be helpful for him. If you give extra information to other

person then he may feel more and may consider you boastful. Such type of

Phrases can be used "I heard that you were saying, and I was really impressed

by you knowledge."

Leading Questions

Try to ask a leading question from person to whom you are talking. A leading

question takes out more information from a person than simply saying “yes” or

“no” The examples are, “How do you know about him” or “What do you do”.

The other person’s answer to these days will help you understand whether he is

interested in you or not. If you try to market yourself frequently then the other

person will resist you. You will get negative answers and the conversation will


53

end frequently if you don’t ask leading question with interest. Try to get out

response from a person by asking him question in such a way that you wish to

take his agreement. In case the person start feeling comfortable with you then

just doesn’t hesitate in taking the communication one step further.

Tell About Yourself

If a person starts telling you about him, just tell him about yourself. Try to open

yourself in front of that person. In this way you can explore the other person

more and more. You attract his attention and he will become interested in you.

Once he starts feeling comfortable with you, tell him about your positive

qualities, the ones he liked about you. If the person answers you positively then

that means you have marketed yourself successfully. You need not to hesitate in

developing friendship with such person. In case the person does not give

response that means he has considered you a boastful person. You should

reduce your volume and try to pose yourself as a humble person.

How to Manage Negative Feedback

When you talk to other people then just get ready to face some objections from

them during your conversation with them. Just try to answer all the objections of

another person and try to accept it up to some extent. Avoid doing argument

and hanging over the objection raised by another person. Don’t try to push your

point of view on the other person. Make one thing sure that the objection rose

by another person is just and the objection should be result of cross argument.


54

First of all be agreeing that you are able to get the objection of other person.

Then ask the other person the reason of objections raised by him. For example,

“Yes, I can understand why you feel so, but I think that”.

Win the Battle of Friendship

The end part is the easiest and essential part of your appeal of selling yourself for

becoming friend to others. You have to give option to other person on this point.

Just don’t give him choice whether to accept you as a friend or not. Give me

just one choice that how he will accept you. Just for example, "Are you having a

pencil, or would you like to take from me to write down his phone number?"

Instead of saying, "Would you like to accompany me for going out to party?"

say, "Would you join me to a dance party or to a movie?” After you are able to

round a person and you are successful in your attempt. You have prepared

the other person for make some kind of commitment, abridged the proposition

and offer reward to the other person for accepting the offer of your friendship.

An example for this is: "Thank you for providing me your phone number. I'm

actually looking forward to Saturday night."


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Conclusion

It is your own choice to make your relationship better with others. You can really

be an influential person by following the guidelines outlined in this report related

to friendship. If you are happy with yourself only then you can be happy with

others and also be able to make others happy with you. You decision to change

you and be a new person is really a good decision. Your decision is best

decision that one can take.

To Your Success,

hypnotic influence - amazon s3 · the influence of positive behavior ... robert cialdini has...

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