Humans Aren’t Computers

Effective Management Leadership Strategies for IT

Leaders

Who Are We?Michele Chubirka, aka "Mrs. Y.,” Security architect, professional contrarian, blogger, nerd stalker. www.healthyparanoia.netchubirka@postmodernsecurity.comhttps://www.novainfosec.com/author/mrsy/@MrsYisWhy www.linkedin.com/in/mchubirka/

Joe Weston, workshop facilitator, consultant, and author of the book Mastering Respectful Confrontation. Also founder of the Heartwalker Peace Project. heartwalker@joeweston.comhttp://www.respectfulconfrontation.com/

Who We Aren’t

How engaged can you be today?

Agenda

• Introductions and Background• State of the Workplace• Understanding Leadership• The Missing Employee Manual• Learning to Connect• Your Message Matters• Building a Healthy Culture• Takaways

Introductions and Background

• How many of you started out as engineers or technical staff?

• Do you feel happy and energized by your work?• Would you like to improve the quality of your

professional environment?• Why did you accept a leadership role?

Let’s Talk About Why We’re Here

What’s the SLA with Our Staff?

• Employees Are the Most Valuable Asset.• Why is the relationship so challenging?• Do we treat them better or worse than our

hardware assets?

"If you don’t understand people, you don’t understand business….” -Simon Sinek

State of the Workplace

An "engaged employee” • Enthusiastic• Furthers the goals of the organization

Engagement improves productivity, profits, customer ratings and employee retention

Gallup’s 2013 State of the American Workplace

• Disengagement costs U.S. $450 to $550 billion per year.

• 70% of American workers are “not engaged” or “actively disengaged.”

• Those with college degrees are less likely to be engaged.

2012 Global Workforce Study by Towers Watson

• Out of 32,000 full-time workers, only 35% were highly engaged.

• Employee retention depends on relationship with management, trust in senior leadership and ability to manage work-related stress.

• Less than half surveyed believed that supervisors have time to address interpersonal issues.

Stress

79 % of IT staff consider quitting due to job-related stress.

-From GFI Software’s 3rd Annual IT Admin Stress Survey

Impact

Absenteeism

Engaged employees in the UK take an average of 2.69 sick days per year; disengaged take 6.19.

- From Gallup’s “Employee Engagement: How to Build a High Performance Workforce”

The Bottom Line

Organizations with highly engaged employees achieve twice the annual net income of those where employees are less engaged.

- from Kenexa’s “The Impact of Employee Engagement”

Drivers of Engagement

• Leadership• Stress management, balance, workload• Clear goals, objectives, mission• Relationship with supervisors based on trust• Organization’s image

Motivation and Engagement

Study sponsored by the Federal Reserve Bank found three main factors motivate people in their work.– Autonomy– Mastery– Purpose

Gallup’s 12 “Rules” of Engagement

1. I know what is expected of me at work2. I have the material and equipment I need to do my work right.3. At work, I have the opportunity to do what I do best every day.4. In the last seven days, I have received recognition or praise for doing good work.5. My supervisor, or someone at work, seems to care about me as a person.6. There is someone at work who encourages my development.7. At work, my opinions seem to count.8. The mission or purpose of my company makes me feel my job is important.9. My associates or fellow employees are committed to doing quality work.10. I have a best friend at work.11. In the last six months, someone at work has talked to me about my progress.12. This last year, I have had opportunities at work to learn and grow.

Understanding Leadership

“Leadership is not a rank, it’s a decision.”

-Simon SinekAuthor of “Leaders Eat Last”

Happiness As The New ROI

“…the ROI that you will receive from putting together a culture in which you put your employees first, and their happiness and satisfaction first, the payoff is immeasurable over the long term. And they really want it….”

— Shawn Riegsecker, Founder and CEO of Centro, Crain’s Chicago Business’ Best Place to Work List for four straight years, 2011 – 2014

Riegsecker has a 98% approval rating on Glassdoor.com and he reports that 65% of new hires come from internal referrals.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Tre79ppLpII

Power and Leadership in the 21st century

Key Areas for Balance in the Workplace

• Work Tasks• Relationship• Self Care

“Human beings have discretionary energy, and they would give it to you if you treat them with dignity and respect.”

-Paul O’Neill, former Treasury Secretary of US under George W. Bush

When one moves into their vulnerability,

their true power is revealed.

The Missing Employee Manual

Brain RTFM

"The human brain hasn't had a hardware upgrade in about 100,000 years."

- Daniel Goleman, Author of Emotional Intelligence

Neuroscience 101

Limbic System: The interior of the cortex, includes the hippocampus and amygdala. Supports emotion and long-term memory.

Prefrontal Cortex: Region responsible for planning, decision making and moderating behavior.

Think of the limbic system to the prefrontal cortex as a horse is to a rider.

Demonstration: A Brain In the Palm of Your Hand

• Hold up your hand and make a fist. • This is a good representation of the brain and

spinal column. • The brain stem, limbic system and neocortex.

* These two slides are oversimplifications of a very complex system.

The Threat Response: Step 1

Cortex receives input from the thalamus, a component of the limbic system responsible for relaying sensory information and pain perception.

The Threat Response: Step 2

Limbic system and prefrontal cortex (the executive or evaluator of the brain) take in data simultaneously.

The Threat Response: Step 3Amygdala, responsible for emotional response and memory, acts as an alarm activating the fight/flight hormonal response if threat is perceived.

The Threat Response: 4

Sympathetic nervous system sets up organs and muscles for fight/flight response, inhibiting digestion and the hypothalamus prompts the release of stress hormones. 

Emotional Contagion

• Limbic system is an “open loop,” influenced by other people’s emotions, aka mirror neurons.

• Mirror neurons activate when an animal performs an action or when an animal observes the same action of another animal.

• Basis of empathy.• Also called emotional contagion.

The Power of Mirror Neurons

Researcher Marie Dasborough observed two groups:

• One group was given negative feedback accompanied by positive emotional signs, nods and smiles.

• Another was provided positive feedback that was delivered using negative emotional cues, frowns and narrowed eyes.

Entrainment

• Those receiving positive feedback with negative emotional signs felt worse than those receiving negative feedback given with positive emotional cues.

Your emotions and actions are mirrored by those around you.

Negativity• The brain has a negativity bias because the limbic system is

quicker than the prefrontal cortex when evaluating threat.• Traumatic experiences are “stickier” than positive, happy

experiences, i.e. harder to un-map.• It takes five to twenty seconds for positive experiences to

register in the brain.

No Escape From Threat

• Negativity is useful for a species to evolve.• Most are in a permanent state of cortisol overload due to

the constant stressors of modern life.• Stress hormones stay in the body for hours.• Decreases intellectual capacity, memory and lowers

impulse control.

Stress makes you stupid.

Amygdala Hijack?

Intense and immediate emotional reaction, followed by the understanding that it was inappropriate.• I thought that stick on the ground was a snake!• I don’t like you or I’m bored, so I won’t cooperate or

listen to what you have to say.• That guy who cut me off in traffic was trying to kill me!• Why were you so insulting to me in that email

yesterday? (studies show there’s a negativity bias in email.)

• Other examples?

Thin Slicing: Warren Harding Syndrome

• Human beings make quick decisions based on intuition.

• “Love at first sight” or a “gut reaction.” • Called “Thin Slicing” or “Fast Thinking.”• Example is “Warren Harding Syndrome.” • A mediocre presidential candidate, Americans

voted for him , because he was tall, good looking and charming.

Harding has been called one of the worst presidents in history.

Thin Slicing: Bedside Manner

• The likelihood of a doctor being sued doesn’t correlate with the number of errors made.

• Psychologists can predict which doctors will be sued.

• They analyze the amount of time spent with patients and if the tone of their voices sounded “concerned.”

There’s No Mr. Spock

• Neurologist, Dr. Antonio Damasio, had a patient who had been a successful corporate lawyer.

• A tumor was discovered in his prefrontal lobes.• When removed, the circuit between this area

and amygdala was severed.

Somatic Marker

• No damage to his cognitive abilities, but his life fell apart.

• He couldn’t make decisions when presented with simple choices.

• He no longer had any feelings regarding options, no preferences.

• Basis for the Somatic Marker Hypothesis, a theory that emotions assist with decision-making.

It is a gross misconception that reason can be completely separated from emotion.

Bounded Emotionality

Learning to Connect

Big Brains Are Social

• Anthropologist Robin Dunbar found that a species’ brain size is linked to the size of its social group.

• We have big brains in order to socialize.

We’re Wired for Empathy

• In brain’s non-active moments, it reverts to a configuration called the “default network.”

• According to researcher, Matthew Lieberman, this resembles the social thinking brain, which is empathetic.

Is Efficiency Overrated?

• Study conducted by Gillian M. Sandstrom and Elizabeth W. Dunn of the University of British Columbia.

• People who “smiled, made eye contact, and talked with the cashier” at a coffee shop reported better moods than those who avoided interaction.

• Small interactions with others can create a feeling of connection according to researchers.

How To Engage a Terrorist

Interrogator, Matthew Alexander discovered that building rapport with prisoners in Iraq was the most effective interrogation method, not torture.

“The quickest way to get most (but not all) captives talking is to be nice to them.”

Mark Bowden, author of Black Hawk Down

Common Social Heuristics

• Tit for Tat:– Be kind first, keep a memory of size one, and

imitate your partner’s last behavior.– Only the last behavior is remembered and

imitated. – Political scientist Robert Axelrod found this to

be the most frequently winning strategy.• Don’t Break Ranks

FBI’s Tips for Building Relationship 1. Understand the other’s priorities and goals.

2. Place their needs ahead of yours.

3. Listen without formulating your reply. Let the other person talk.

4. Ask for thoughts and opinions.

5. Suspend your ego, avoiding judgment and criticism.

Robin Dreeke oversees the FBI’s Counterintelligence Behavioral Analysis Program and author of "It’s Not All About Me."

Making Stress Your Friend

• A study tracked stress in 30,000 adults over eight years.

• Researchers found those under great stress had a 43% increased risk of death, if they believed stress was dangerous.

• Under stress, the pituitary gland releases Oxytocin, the bonding hormone.

• Acts as anti-inflammatory which can counteract negative effects of stress.

Your Response to Stress Makes a Difference

"When you choose to connect with others under stress, you can create resilience"

- Kelly McGonigal, health psychologist and researcher, Stanford University

Methods of Connecting with Others

• Interaction based on Emotional Intelligence: self-awareness, self-regulation, empathy, and motivation.

• Social engineers and con artists use the same skills to create emotional and social affinity with a target.

• Conflict resolution methods.

Your Message Matters

“People don’t buy what you do, they buy why you do it."

- Simon Sinek

Golden Circle

The Golden Circle + Human Brain

Building a Healthy Culture

“We have to face the fact that either all of us are going to die together or we are going to learn to live together, and if we are to live together we have to talk.”- Eleanor Roosevelt

Communication Models Based On Empathy

• XYZ model• NVC• Respectful Confrontation

Marshall Rosenberg’s Non-Violent Communication

• Facts or observations • Feelings• Needs or what’s “alive”• Request

Joe Weston’s Respectful Confrontation

• Behavior• Impact• Need • Make a request

"Niceness can be a dodge to avoid engaging in unpleasant interactions." -Bill Kahn, Ph.D.

What’s Really Going On?

Goals

• Learn about empowered, collaborative engagement.

• Reframe views on confrontation, assertiveness, and true power.

• Achieve greater self-confidence, personal freedom, fulfillment, and peaceful interactions with others.

My truth ≠ The truth

Respectful Confrontation

• The practice of developing the respectful self• The practice of respectful engagement • The practice of respectful offense • The practice of respectful defense

3 F’s

FightFlightFreeze

“Hmm, I’d like a cup of tea…”

5 Steps of Clear Communication

1. Contact with yourself2. Contact with other3. Desire/Impulse4. Act of communication5. Received message

True power = Brute forceConfrontation = Conflict

Assertiveness = Aggression

Brute force ≠ true power

4 Pillars of True Power

• Grounding• Focus• Strength• Flexibility

Conflict ≠ confrontation

“Courage is what it takes to stand up and speak. Courage is what it takes to sit down and listen.”- Winston Churchill

1 : FIGHT, BATTLE, WAR2 a : competitive or opposing action of incompatibles : antagonistic state or action (as of divergent ideas, interests, or persons) b : mental struggle resulting from incompatible or opposing needs, drives, wishes, or external or internal demands; see DISCORD

Conflict

Confrontcon·front 1 : to face especially in challenge : OPPOSE2 a : to cause to meet : bring face-to-face <confront a reader with statistics> b : to meet face-to-face : ENCOUNTER

Respectful Confrontation Definition

CONFLICT: an encounter that leads to the further separation of individuals, the breakdown of relationship, and the disempowerment of the other.

Respectful Confrontation Definition

CONFRONTATION: an encounter that leads to individuals coming closer together, deepening of relationship, and the empowerment of all involved.

“If you fear making anyone mad, then you ultimately probe for the lowest common denominator of human achievement.”- Former President, Jimmy Carter

Aggression ≠ Assertiveness

Aggressive1 a: tending toward or exhibiting aggression <aggressive behavior> b: marked by combative readiness <an aggressive fighter>2 a: marked by obtrusive energy b: marked by driving forceful energy or initiative : enterprising <an aggressive salesman>3: strong or emphatic in effect or intent <aggressive colors> <aggressive flavors>4: growing, developing, or spreading rapidly <aggressive bone tumors>

Assertive

1 : disposed to or characterized by bold or confident assertion <an assertive leader>2 : having a strong or distinctive flavor or aroma <assertive wines> 

Respectful Confrontation Definition

AGGRESSION: any behavior, action, remark, gesture, or facial expression that impacts another with the goal to disempower and/or is received by the other in a harmful, threatening way.

Respectful Confrontation Definition

ASSERTIVENESS: any behavior, action, remark, gesture, or facial expression that impacts another with the goal to empower and/or is received by the other in a positive way.

Respectful Offense: Giving Feedback

1. Prepare (come with facts, times, dates).2. Make contact. Be sure it is a good time and place.3. Introduce the topic. Let the other know why you are having this conversation.4. Share what you have NOTICED about the behavior in question. Give examples.5. Express how it affects you (feelings, state of being, unmet needs)6. Identify desired need. Be open to listen to the need of the other.7. Mention the desired behavior and collaborate on solutions.8. Sum up. Make clear goals, agreements for the future, and how to follow up.9. End the confrontation. 

Important Feedback Points

• You are addressing someone’s BEHAVIOR, not them as a person.

• You MUST share how their behavior affects you, otherwise you are not giving feedback, you are criticizing.

Name, behavior, effect, need, desired behavior, follow-up   

“With realization of one’s potential, and self-confidence in one’s ability, one can build a better world.”

- His Holiness the Dalai Lama

“Water is fluid, soft, and yielding. But water will wear away rock, which is rigid and cannot yield.... what is soft is strong.”

- Lao Tzu

http://www.respectfulconfrontation.com/

Key Takeaways

• Bad trumps good in the human brain.• You can’t turn your emotions off, they’re critical for decisions.• We’re all responsible for the quality of the emotional landscape. • Stress makes you stupid, by shutting down blood flow to the pre-

frontal lobes. • If you set off a stress response in someone, you minimize the

chance of having a rational dialogue.• Confrontation isn’t always negative. Resistance to change can

provide valuable feedback.• Leadership is a decision, not a role you’re hired into.• A happy, pleasant work environment fosters engaged, productive

staff with less stress for everyone.

“People don't care how much you know until they know how much you care”

― Theodore Roosevelt

Where Can You Find Us?Michele Chubirka, spending quality time in kernel mode.http://www.healthyparanoia.net Twitter @MrsYisWhy Google+ MrsYisWhynetworksecurityprincess@gmail.com

Joe Weston, writing and teaching workshops.http://www.respectfulconfrontation.com/

References

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