AH HA! magazine 1

NO

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Celebrity wedding

Look out!

TOM & ANAÏS :INSIde TheIr SurprISe weddINg

October 2009

All about their

ROMANCE

An insider exclusive:

the

1st kiss

A wedding for the ages, Tom and Anaïs promise eternal love.Will it last? Justice Velasquez shares her opinion. Tom says “I’m really excited!” Boxers or Briefs:

Tom tells all

Get your celebrity horoscope and learn what the stars hold for you!

Bridal flowers

AH HA! magazine 3

4 The courThouseWhen two star crossed lovers get down and dirty, it’s all about the PAPERWORK.

6 The ceremonyThe vows. We’ve got the inside report on just how long they’ve promised to love each other.

8 QuizThink you’re Tom’s friend? how about Anaïs? Take the quiz and find out how well you really know this weeks celeb-rity couple.

9 Wedding sTyleWho needs white when there’s so many shades of brown to choose from? read on to get the latest on celebrity fashion.

10 celebraTionchampagne? hell no, we’ll have a corona. make that two.

12 The beachPhotos of your favorite celebrity couple on california’s most exclusive beach. We’ve got the scoop on which beach and what they did there!

14 luxury Flowers are still classy. White lilies are classier. Find out how far these lovely lilies have flown and where they came from.

15 horoscoPeeditor:david Thomas raymond maresgraphic designer: anaïs Pirlot-maresTranslators: clémentine Pirlot and anaïs Pirlot-maresPhotos: bm, hm, dTrm, aPm.

AHHA!noW!

A guide to this weeks stars, bars, cars and everything you need to know about NOW! This week: The Mares Wedding EXCLUSIVE!

SUBSCRIBE NOW!!!Get your printed version of AH HA NOW! delivered directly to your home for only $12 +s/h. We are a non-profit organization and all

money goes directly to production costs.Contact: MaresisTom@gmail.com or MaresisAnaïs@gmail.com

after the WeddiNgthe happy couple shines victoriously on the beach.

Welcome to

4 25 September 2009 AH HA!

Original copy of official marriage

license.

This weeks prodigal pair of delightful honeymooners are the rambunctious anaïs Pirlot morais bettencourt

da camara correia and the hot new up and comer david Thomas raymond mares. What a mouthful! after a year of globetrekking and jetsetting the pair are finally back in america and settled in sunny los angeles, california. seeing stars? i think so!This fresh young couple has been voted AH HA! Weekly’s “Most Enviable Pair” of 2009 and we couldn’t agree more.

A WAlk DOWN MeMOry lANeseptember 18th 2008, anaïs’ last day stateside after 6 months of traveling and living the dogs life, high and dry, in denver, colorado. it’s a heart breaking departure and she leaves behind, her then boyfriend, Tom mares.Just 3 short months later Tom meets anaïs on a high foggy plateau in lisbon, Portugal with a ring and “we’re engaged!” says Tom. “it’s a lot like dating except you’re going to be together forever” anaïs remarked to an AH HA! source.One year to the day and here we are in los ange-les waiting for the wedding of the year.

Tom & Anaïs’Big day !!

tom and anaïs posing outside the courthouse in Van Nuys, California. Sep 18 2009, one year after her tragic departure.

AH HA! magazine 5

PAPerWOrk!!!Getting married is so much more than just sounding good when you take your vows. You also have to spell your fiancé’s epic last name correctly and remember the unit number of your apartment so the couple next door doesn’t get your Marriage Certifi-cate by mistake. Woe the paperwork!

Taxes and divorces next line!

NeW PiCS

6 25 September 2009 AH HA!

The cameras are flashing and the clamber of voices

shouting over one and other is deafening. The energy is intense and we’re waiting for the clock to strike 12 so the proceedings can begin.

“after a year of traveling it’s nice to be settled somewhere perma-nent.” Tom commented to an ah ha! source. “The immigration process isn’t even close to com-plete yet but this certainly takes a lot of the uncertainty out of it.” “you know how all those holly-wood weddings go” Tom’s step mother holly comment-ed, “but i think this one is different. There’s no exotic animals and i haven’t seen anyone famous yet.” Justice maria Velasquez arrives and calls order to the mob.

“I’m really excited!” Tom com-mented, “i haven’t been able to check my Facebook all day but i’ll be tweeting all through the ceremony.” The chapel is modest in accordance with the couples preference and the attendance is restricted to just two, bernie and holly mares. bearing witness and all, the mares’ look on at what we’re told was a beautiful ceremony.

in a telephone interview Jeff sie-bert, remarked that “they have

a lot of time and money invested in this thing.

For it not to work out would just be bad business.”

even with the recent

economic slump, the couple is reported

to be hot on the trail of some seri-ous employment opportunities. “There’s still plenty of oppor-tunities for us to do well. Tom just needs to get off his ass and start pounding the pavement.”

said the new mrs. mares “it’s not like i can really work here. land of the free my ass.” indeed mrs. mares. indeed.

GETTIN’ HITCHED!!!

Here we go...On a hot Summer afternoon, The Mares’ get down to business and tie the ol’ knot.

i’ll be tweeting all through the ceremony.

eXCLUSiVe

Bernie was born in Trinidad, Colorado and is a success-fully retired entre-preneur.

holly is a senior level software developer who spends her free time gardening and playing golf with her husband.

The pair have enjoyed 16 years of blissful wed-lock and were married in Las Vegas, Nevada. David (Tom) is their only son.

Bernie “dad” Mares & holly Schuetz-Mares

Bearing Witness

AH HA! magazine 7

No holding back. the first

kiss.

eXCLUSiVe

INsIDer ClOse UP: The ChapelJustice Henrietta Ve-lasquez is seen here congratulating the new-lyweds on their marriage and presenting them with the signed and completed marriage license. “I see a lot of couples but these two have ‘IT’” said Justice Velasquez. reportedly, the couple has vowed to love one and other eternally.

8 25 September 2009 AH HA!

anaïs maresHow do you feel about being a Mares now?it’s great. i’m not sure if i’m a mexican or spanish now but no one else seems to know either. i think I’ll stick with French until they figure it out.

What do you want to be when you grow up?i like graphic design but really i just want to be famous. i’m also thinking i’d like to start a French bakery in denver.

kids? If so, how many? Kids? yes! i love kids! i want 5!

Favorite indulgence?reeses Peanut butter cups, French sausages and cold american beer.

What do you miss most about home?cheese, baguettes and my family. i’m thinking about asking for a cheese stipend.

“I just want to be famous.”

1 What size man panties does Tom Mares wear?

Tom mares doesn’t wear man pantiesa. mediumb. smallc. american medium, French large; proving d. that american asses are, in fact, bigger.

2 How Many Languages does Anaïs Mares speak?

2a. 2.5b. 3c. 5d.

3 How often does Tom Mares shave?shave this beautiful beard? no way!a. dailyb. bi-weeklyc. Weeklyd.

4 How many countries have Anaïs and Tom collectively visited?

15a. does mexico qualify as a foreign country, b. really?27c. 31d.

SPOTLIGHT

theQUIZhow well do you know them?

answers: 1.d, 2.b, 3.d, 4.c

Think you know Tom? Is Anaïs your best friend? Take this quiz and find out the truth.

AH HA! magazine 9

WeddiNg StYLethis year, white is out! Why go white when there’s so many shades of brown to choose from?

sony with a200 dslr 70-200mm lens and accesso-

ries, $650

celio 20€

$29.39us

levi’s skinny

$60

Jennifer 16€

Handbag:

Handbag:

The sunglasses

Shirt:

Jeans:

Dress:

Wedding Fashion has come a long way since the long flowing white dresses of the 19th and 20th centuries. This year simple is in and cheap is all the rage.

a Tom mares signature look. never goes outside with out them. brand: unknown Price: Free

MUSt haVe

hiSPayless black dress shoes. They’re black and reported to be rea-sonably comfortable $30

herSlight brown hiheels. brand: unknown 5€ $7.34us

Shoes:

After the wedding...

Family TimeAfter a beautiful ceremony it’s time for some fun in the sun. The family enjoys a photo opportunity in the court-yard, and Tom and Dad both love to play paparazzi taking pictures of their special ladies. lots of great shots and then it’s a quick dash to the car once the media shows up. They’re off for a celebration drink and wedding presents! New watches from the Mares’ and an overflowing bouquet of white lilies from the Pirlot’s (see page 10). life is good when you’re a newlywed. spoiled!

Holly and Anaïs share a laugh

after the ceremony. Mrs. Mares in stereo!

The Mares family engages in some foreign relations.

the CeLeBratiON

10 25 September 2009 AH HA!

AH HA! magazine 11

Tom and Anaïs playfully discussing

Tom’s sometimes wild gesticulations.

Family TimeFavorite Afternoon Activity?lunch, nap, swim… nap.

What do you want to be when you grow up?i’m working on becoming a hollywood hotshot. if that doesn’t pan out i think i’d like to buy a piece of land in the country somewhere and graze cattle on it.

kids? If so, how many? anaïs says 5 but what she doesn’t say is that she wants 5 girls! i have a feeling that we’re going to end up with 10 by the time we’re done, which i’m fine with.

What do you miss most about home?heavy metal, Pbr and the 303.

Boxers or Briefs?French man-panties.

“i’m very proud of my son”-- Bernie

All about the man who’s been voted Sexiest playboy of the month by AH HA! readers!

Snapshot!bernie photographs the couple enjoying

the afternoon. Watch out for

that white balance!

The Mares family engages in some foreign relations.

insider report: tom mares

12 25 September 2009 AH HA!

CrUSiNg the BeaCh!

Tom and Anaïs take their first sandy walk

as man and wife. Trop romantique!

Malibu EditionWatch out for the high tide!

AH HA! magazine 13

Anaïs enjoying

an “herbal” lollypop.

The couple is reported to be

considering a pet!

Livin’ Large

bernie lounges in style on malibu’s

most exclusive beach.

BreaKiNg NeWS!

14 25 September 2009 AH HA!

Flowers for the bride

!!!!

THe BrIDAl BOUqUeTThe couple is reported to have been hiking in Griffith Park when the heard the news. There’s a delivery for Anaïs and it’s waiting, unattended. The family races down the mountain to discover a gor-geous bouquet of lilies and white wild flowers sent by the brides family in France.

In an interview after landing the flowers commented “and boy are my arms tired.” As seen here, both Anaïs and Tom are excited by the bouquet. “They smell great!” said Anaïs to an Ah Ha source. Oh France, you shouldn’t have!

here we see tom and anaïs enjoying a beautiful bouquet of lilies and white wild flowers sent by the bride’s family in france.

the Mares bedroom garden takes in a giant new friend.

LUXUrY

AH HA! magazine 15

CapriCorn Dec.22 - Jan.20

Don’t worry, this is going to be a really great month. Yep, go ahead, kick back and take it easy. Just don’t talk to the cops.

pisCesFeb.20 - March.20You got out of bed and realized that you slept in your clothes

again. Good job, now you can either go to work with bed head and pressed

clothes or well… you do the math. We recommend you press the shirt, messy hair is in right now.

ariesMarch.21 - April.20That road rage is coming back

this month. Remember, the best thing you can do once you’ve flipped the bird to another driver is to look straight ahead and avoid further eye contact.

TaurusApril 21 - May 20

Hey Taurus, how’s it goin? You doin alright over there? It’s been a while, ya know? Call me.

GeminiMay 22 - June 21

Wow wow wow, where to start? Ok, there’s something burning on the

stove but before you get to that you’ve got to put a shirt on so the roommate doesn’t see that embarrassing new tattoo.

And hey what’s this? Is that a new com-ment on my Facebook status? Hmm, I wonder what it says. And hey, Gemini? Don’t forget about the stove.

CanCerJune 22 - July 23This month is going to be

a lot like last month. It’ll have it’s ups and downs but generally it’ll

be ok. Avoid the processed foods and stay away from Sagittarius.

LeoJuly 23 - Aug.23Life is good at the top.

This month the jungle is going to shake things up and coco-

nuts are going to roll. A nap in a tree might be well deserved, just stay off the ground.

VirGoAug.24 - Sept.23You look great today.

Really, I’m not just saying that. Why would I say that

if it wasn’t true. Yea, I promise. Promise promise. That’s three times I promised, I know.

LibraSept.24 - Oct.23This is a good month to

eat lots of sushi. Mercury levels in the South Pacific are lower

than usual and the bank account is doing pretty well. Think about taking a nice long bath, what the hell, you only live once.

sCorpioOct.24 - Nov.22

It’s not as bad as you think. You and Capricorn should

probably avoid talking to the cops and just keep in mind that

the key to passing the polygraph test is a

good, stiff drink. Cheers!

Nov.23 - Dec.21This is the month were it all

comes together. You’ve got fame, fortune and an endless supply of

the finest French cheese. No worries this month, just smooth sailing!

aquariusJan.21 - Feb.19The space ship is malfunction-ing and you won’t be getting any messages from home for a while. Hang in there. Tech support is on their way. Just a matter of light years. Good thing that transport ray is coming along so well (not!).

aStrOLOgY

horoscoPeOctober 2009

It’s a great month to be a Mares, that’s for sure. Find out what the stars hold for you in this month’s horoscope.

This month’s

Star SigN:

saGiTTarius

16 25 September 2009 AH HA!

buy them for

anaïs