NORMA’S BAPS PAGE 3 - JUNNI’S BIG BROTHER - RORY ON TWILIGHT

SUMMER 2010

THE BOYS ARE BACKHOWL INTERVIEWS THE CAST OF ROMEO AND JULIET

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NOTE - EDITORS NOTE - EDITORS NOTE - Hi everyone, so after some of the most stressful weeks of our lives, the summer issue of HOWL is finally here. I’m very happy to be taking over as editor of HOWL magazine, and would like to thank Max and the rest of the HOWL team for the opportunity and working hard to get the magazine out on time, and wish them all the best in the future. We are still looking for more people to get involved, and be part of the steering group for next year, so if you’re interested, or have any ideas, articles or feedback for the magazine email us at; howl.agsb@hotmail.com or come and speak to me in person. Hope you enjoy the rest of the magazine!

Well guys, it has been a year since HOWL first began and look where we are now! I’m really proud of the lads that have worked on the magazine, it’s much better than I thought it could get. Thanks to you the readers as well, your responses, agony aunts and contributions have been a great read! Hopefully HOWL, with your help, will estab-lish itself as a platform for the student voice, and you will continue to have a laugh with it. Lewis has done a great job with editing this edition and I wish him the best of luck with next year’s HOWL journey. I’d also just like to say a goodbye to our leaving year 13s, you have been a credit to AGSB and I’m going to miss you guys! Peace out folks.

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PANINI!

ELECTION BATTLE

ConservativeUnder Labour, we live in a broken society. Brown’s debt and taxes are threatening the economic recovery. No one respects the justice system and tra-ditional family values have long been in disrepair. We, the Conservative Party, aim to mend this society. A Conservative gov-ernment will act now to tackle the debt and deficit using pioneering methods backed by more than 20 big businesse experts in this field. Crime will be tackled with more police on the beat. 10,000 more univerity place-ments will be offered to students leaving college. Our actions will Get Britain Work-ing again. It has been proven that Labour can’t be trusted to run this country and the other parties are not suited to do any bet-ter. Vote Conservative in the May election.

LabourDo you feel the same way we do

about the kind of Britain you want to live in? A Britain where

the economy is strong and stable; where there is a first-class health

service free at the point of use; where edu-

cation is always a priority ; and where you

and your family are treated equally and can

feel safe and secure, whatever your Religion

or Ethnicity. Our party has been in power

now for eleven years - something Labour

has never come close to achieving before.

And though it’s been tough at times and

there are still big challenges to overcome,

we can be hugely proud of the progress we

have delivered together for the country. And

while we know that everything is not per-

fect now, Britain is, without doubt, a better,

more prosperous and fairer place.

UKIPWe believe that UKIP are the only party that truly has the in-terests of the British people at heart. Time after time, we have been promised referendums on the failure

that is the EU and yet even now, the Con-

servatives have turned their back on giving

us a referendum. This simply isn’t democ-

racy; if the EU are prepared to make a vast

proportion of our laws, dictate our economic

policies and decide what is best ultimately

for the UK then we feel that the British

people should be the judge of whether this

system is suitable. Vote UKIP in May.

Lib DemsWhy should you vote for the Liberal democrats in the upcoming spring elections? The answer to this question is sim-ple; we are the only party truly concerned with helping you. In contrast to our rivals we want change, change in education and change in the freedoms of youth. Accord-ing to a UNICEF survey in 2007, British children are the unhappiest in Europe. Our new proposals include scraping tuition fees for students undertaking their first under-graduate degree and providing full political rights at age sixteen. Exciting measures which will impact directly on boys in this school! If you want greater standards of education or just a brighter future vote lib-eral Democrats.

AGSB Elections May 2010

There are many arguments against the death penalty: it’s not a deterrent against those it punishes, those societies that use the death penalty don’t have lower crime rates than those that do, if a country abolishes the death penalty, they are not plunged into crimi-nal chaos. But if the death penalty did reduce crime rates, would it then be acceptable? The death penalty targets the economically disadvantaged – those who can’t afford good legal counsel, those without a voice in society. Capital punishment means those without the capital, get the punishment.

Okay, let’s say we can equalise this punishment; does killing a rich man make killing a poor man right? The death penalty is irreversible, and results in the death of those inno-cents that Adam is so passionate about protecting. When someone is dead, a retrospec-tive pardon is of no use to them, or their families. Since 1990, in China, the Democratic Republic of Congo, Nigeria, Pakistan, Saudi Arabia, Yemen and the USA, there have 51 reported executions of child offenders, some as young as 14 years old. Even if no more children or innocents are killed, should we tolerate the death penalty?

Adam takes the Old Testament ‘an eye for an eye’ as his moral code. His moral outlook seems as dated as the 2,000 year old document he took them from. The death penalty is never acceptable – it abuses two of our basic human rights. Everyone has the right to live, and no-one shall be subject to torture. The death penalty obviously kills people, but it also tortures them; physically, by the brutal nature of execution, and psychologically, by the fact these people have to wait to be killed, waiting sometimes for decades while others around them are lead to their deaths.

If people like Adam took a more common sense view toward society, rather than being cooped up in his castle commanding detached biblical authority on his heroin addict peasants, he might see that rehabilitation is the only way to reduce rate of reof-fending. His information about the standard of living for prisoners (sourced from the Daily Mail) refers to open air prisons, of which there are very few in the UK due to in-creased use of tagging technology – even so, if that was your brother or sister, or your mother or father, wouldn’t you want them to have access to the right help so they can help turn themselves (and their families) lives around?

The phrase ‘human rights’ takes its name from the very fact that they apply to ALL human beings – they belong to all of us, equally. An attack on these fundamental rights anywhere is an attack on human dignity. The right to life is inalienable; it cannot be given or taken away. No matter how terrible the crime, in a world full of uncertainty, human rights are a clearly drawn line between what is right and wrong. It is the line between imprisonment and execution.

Any person who faces the death penalty, no matter how terrible the crime, is still a hu-man being. However much we are reviled by them, however much we are angered by their actions, however much our primal instinct for revenge beats in our hearts; this person is still a human being. They may well have killed, tortured and raped, and they have crossed the line, but do we really want to join them? Adam might be happy to live with being a killer – I can’t.

Max Brophy 13WM

The Death PenaltyYes Or No

A HUMAN PERSPECTIVE

GOODBYE Nearing the inevitable end of our momentous seven year stint walk-ing the halls and shaping the reputation of Altrincham Grammar School for Boys, it’s only right and proper that we reflect upon the single finest year in the 98 year history of the school.

On the first day of our grammar school careers who could have known what we would achieve or the people we would develop into? Would it have been possible to tell that we would go on to be the most academically successful year the school has ever had at every stage of our education? Could anybody have known seven years ago what subjects we would go on to study and how many of us would get into university? Was it ever possible to predict that Charlie Powell would permanently retain the looks of an eleven year old?

The answer to the majority of these questions would have most probably been a no. Rather an unlikely bunch from the off with the likes of Matt Coops, the vast Douggy Needham and the equally but oppositely vast Michael Harrison, we somehow developed into an in-finitely lively and diverse group of people. Over the last few years we’ve witnessed the emergence of several thespian talents such as Rory Charleson and Guy Horlock, gifted scientists in the likes of Lau-rie McClymont, talented linguists, artists, poets, sportsmen and so the list could go on.

We must also not forget those who we lost along the way to other institutions, and the newcomers such as James Parker who have in-tegrated with admirable ease and flourished at the school. Even Rory Platt deserves a mention.

So at the end of things, these last seven years have undoubt-edly shaped us into the people we are going to be, whether they be poets, philosophers, lawyers, medics, musicians, or on the Dutch sex offenders register. Call it sentimental, but our times at this school will always be remembered as some of the best of our lives.

Rory Sherlock

YEAR 13

5 minute interviews with the speaks to Jake Lancaster (Mercutio), Guy Horlock (Benvolio) and Ilan Fertig (Off-stage Prompt)

What are your thoughts on how the play turned out, how was it received? Jake: I thought it was brilliant, I thought it was efficient, we got everything done; it was quite a spectacle I believe – couldn’t have asked for a stronger cast and stronger direction really.

Guy, we have seen some great camaraderie between you and Rory Sher-lock (Romeo) on stage - was it like that backstage? Guy: Well yeah… Jake and I struggle to get on. A lot of people have asked me that, I do get on well with Sherlock, it’s good because there are moments on stage when we aren’t in the main action of it and we can have a little moment together. Well, not in that way… but we can be like ‘right let do this bit this that way’ and stuff. It’s really great to have someone that professional that you can bounce off. Jake: There’s quite a lot of offstage violence as well. It’s not funny; it’s quite an issue we have had to deal with. Guy: Yeah Sam and Rory Charleson... Jake: A lot of eye gouging.Ilan: Sam Fairbrother was particularly abusive. Guy: It’s unrealistic to say that everyone was A-OK but in the long term every-thing was fine, just on occasion there was a little friction. Jake: A few visits to A + E.

Jake, Mercutio is quite a strange character that must have been quite dif-ficult to play, how did you take on such a role? Jake: LINE! Ilan: The challenge with playing Mercutio is that he is such a mentalist – Jake: - Such a mentalist, and really to get that sense of mania, it took a lot to get into the role. Backstage I had to punch myself a bit and stuff like that. I don’t think he’s that crucial a character, which gives you a bit more freedom to play it how you want – I could have camped it up a lot more but that’s just not me. I de-cided to play it a bit darker; I think Sam Wall described it as a bit like Lou Reed.

Ilan, as prompt I’m sure you have got a good idea of what was happening offstage and behind the scenes, is there a particular favourite moment? Jake: Well as prompt Ilan had the experience of developing all beneath him, it’s almost like God, playing prompt Ilan: It gave me a lot of power though, it did give me a lot of power… which un-fortunately I didn’t get a chance to exercise really – but I think that was the best aspect of it for me really.

Having worked closely with the teachers involved, do you have any funny moments from Miss Leigh or Mr Martin that you will remember? All: No.

Will you continue to pursue your interest in drama at university? Jake: No. Guy: No, I don’t think so. Ilan: I think I may pursue my career as prompt, move on to bigger productions. Jake: No I think I might pursue it, but yeah… It is a bloody lot of effort.

HOWL

Romeo & Juliet cast

speaks to Rory Sherlock (Romeo), Dan Thomas (The Prince) and Spencer Terry (Paris).

Rory you played a young romantic, Romeo, how did you inject the ro-mance into your scenes with Lizzie? Rory: Just break down the barriers. Get stuck in there. No, it was alright there was a lot of potential to make it horrendously awkward, but it wasn’t, she didn’t make it awkward at all.

Any particular preparation? Rory: Tic-Tacs. (laughs)

There are some big personalities in the play, was there any offstage ri-valry? Dan: NO. Definitely not. Any fracas is dealt with appropriately.

You play a very authoritarian role Dan, is there a part of the Prince in your personality? Dan: You know I’m a very liberal man Max, but I want people to be liberal in the right way. Okay? No, I like my character quite a lot, I go on, bullock them, and get off. There are very few bits of (winces) “conversation”.

Spence, you haven’t been involved in drama before, were you nervous? Spence: I thought it was, before I actually started practising any of the scenes, but as soon as you get that practise you get into your role and it’s great, yeah. Dan: I thought on the night that I’d be really nervous, last year it was pretty manic, but this year it was chilled. When it came to my entrance I wasn’t as ner-vous as I thought, just because it was so well rehearsed.

Were there any particular moments that will stay with you from your ex-perience doing the play? Dan: The best moment I think, was when just before the last night, Rory played Jungle Book on the guitar, everyone was sat round in a circle and Sam got up and did the Charleston dance, it was really cool. Everyone was sat around clapping. Rory: Joe got up and did the Hesford-shuffle. Spence: I had not seen that since the summer of 2009, at Tokyo Joe’s in Magaluf, so it really was something.

HOWL

Being a massive fan of reality TV, I’d wanted to audition for Big Brother since I started following it in 2004, so when Channel 4 announced that Big Brother 11 would be the last series of the show, I knew that it was the last chance I’d have to be in the show.

I arrived at the G-Mex soon after lunch time on Satuday 16th January. At 3 o’clock I was still queuing up to audition. Soon after that I was taken away in a group of eight, and then shipped off to two stern looking producers who everyone was eager to impress. Here we had to split off in pairs and tell the other person the most interesting fact about us. I was put in a pair with R, a young brash black American woman who proceeded to tell me how she was a 38 year

old recovering drug addict with eight kids who all live with their dad in London. We then had to reveal the other per-

son’s fact to the rest of the group. It turned out there was the girl whose dad came out the closet three years ago, a Christian

glamour model, a man who’d been shot after he “got involved with the wrong people” and a guy who was allergic to the sun (really). BB

then had one final task for us, we had to play the ‘line up game’, where one member of the group has to put everyone else in order of whatever

BB decides. I had to rate the other auditionees in order of attractiveness. R was clearly not happy when I put her last and a very vocal bust up ensued,

the producers loved it and I could immediately tell from their faces that I was going to get through the next round.

Those of us who got through were taken into a large room where nearly a hundred bizarre looking wannabes were busy filling in forms and trying to be as honest and as explicit as possible. I was put on a table with the girl with the gay dad, two glamour model sis-

ters and a porno star, and given 45 minutes to answer the questions including: what are your phobias, what’s the worst thing you’ve done

that your parents don’t know about etc. I was then interviewed by an older man and a younger woman. The man was surprisingly anti-PC and

asked me whether I’d ever been stopped at the airport, the woman told me my clothes were “neon” and that she liked my hair. My runner then took

me to a room where opposite me sat two excited looking producers who told me that I was through to the next round. A fortnight later a runner rang me and told me that the next stage was taking place in Wembley!

After getting confused between Wembley stadium and Wembley arena I hastily ran to the arena where a burly looking security guard ushered me in and told me

that I wasn’t allowed to speak or make contact with anyone apart from the crew, that my mobile had to be switched off and that if I left the room where I was being taken I wouldn’t be allowed back in.

When I’d filled in a 3 ½ hour survey I was shown to my runner who took me to an endless corridor underneath the arena with rooms branching off containing mock diary

rooms. After an hour’s wait, I entered the diary room and was immediately interrogated on what I’d written in my application form by the voice of Big Brother. My runner then took me

to the floor of Wembley Arena where a group of twenty wannabes. A producer then told ev-eryone who had been in the diary room to stand up, when we did we were told that we hadn’t made it to the next round and thank you for coming. A security guard quickly ushered us out

and that was it, the end of Big Brother! Junaid Alvi 13HY

BIG BROTHERJUNNI’s

Dear Agony Aunt, I got my nipples pierced whilst drunk and I don’t know what do. Please help!

Whatever you do, don’t buy a leather boiler suit! That would com-plete the setup.

Dear Agony Aunt, I slept with Nico, and now I desperately regret it.

I’m not surprised! You have a choice to make; pills or rope?

Dear Agony Aunt, I seem to have a hor-rible red rash on my neck, and I find my-self becoming in-creasingly intolerant of different cultures! Please help me!

I understand your pain; I’m a redneck too. There is only 1 remedy, buy a pick up, drink Jack Daniels and get that noose ready!

Dear Agony Aunt, I have a problem; eve-rything I say or do is

wildly more success-ful than anything my peers can manage. Consequently, no one is friends with me. What am I to do?

Call the Samaritans. Drink may improve your life, too.

Dear Agony Aunt, I’m an active partici-pant at the schools dissection society, I really enjoy it but I am scared that my ever increasing fas-cination of cutting up corpses is ex-tending out into the real world. Please help me before I do something I regret!

Under Kreissl law, be careful! The electric chair may be coming your way…

Dear Agony Aunt, I take Art but I’m finding coursework difficult. Could you give me any advice?

Why not do some Geography in your spare time, then you can practice with Crayolas!

Dear Agony Aunt, I think one of my teachers is hot but I don’t want to say anything because I’m embarrassed.

Just show you’re the master at Microsoft Excel.

Dear Agony Aunt, I don’t know who to vote for in the up-coming election. Could you help?

This is my problem... well what’s your fa-vourite colour red, yel-low or blue?

Do YOU or a friend have a question for our expert panel of agony aunts? send us an email at howl.agsb@hotmail.co.uk

Agony Aunts

TrotmanandKreissl

I don’t like Twilight. Why should I? I’m clearly not part of its target audience. It’s a franchise almost exclusively designed to appeal to earnest, adolescent girls. I’m a guy, for one thing, and so cynical I suspect even Haitian aid workers of having some ulterior motive. I’m not suggesting that this first audience shouldn’t be catered for. People need escapism – a world in which all we had to entertain ourselves was Ken Loach movies would be a sad one indeed. I’ve no problem with Twilight as a concept; the problem lies in its source material, the original books – the first of which I read last summer. What’s that? Yes, I do have testicles. Thanks for asking.

One of the biggest issues with them is the protagonist, Bella Swan. One of the worst cases of author self-insertion ever com-mitted to paper (there’s a picture on the internet where author Stephanie Meyer is surrounded by captions that describe her perfectly – all taken from her own descrip-tions of Bella), she also manages to be so vapid, whiney and un-likeable that you’ll want to hurl the book itself against the wall in the vain hope it’ll cause her some form of physical harm. If she’s not crying, she’s complaining; there might be worse positions to be in than that of seventeen year old girl living in a slightly rainy town, but Bella hasn’t heard of it. Don’t get me wrong; it’s great to have a character who properly explains their emotions and motivations. That’s the whole point of fic-tion. But… c’mon. I’d hoped we’d seen the last of the ‘endlessly weeping, damsel in distress’ protagonist when the Industrial Revolution rolled in.

And everyone – I mean, literally everyone – is in love with her. Despite constantly re-minding us that she’s “clumsy” and “a bit average-looking”, characters throw them-selves at her like she’s some sort of Jesus-with-tits. One of these was the character Mike, who I liked instantly, mainly because he sounded like someone who might be able to walk down the high street with-out being outed as an impossible fictional

construct. His attempt was a source of dire embarrassment and distress for Bella. Mike had failed to realise that the way to a girl’s heart was not to ask her to the school prom, but rather through a com-bination of ignoring her, acting disgusted at her physical appearance, and climbing into her room at night to watch her sleep. What an amateur, eh?

These last three are all tactics employed by Edward Cullen (all the names in the story sound vaguely mucky to me, like Bond girl innuendo’s), the story’s focal point, and blimey, do they work. Fans of the book will often rave about how ‘ro-mantic’ they are. That’s bull. This isn’t romance, it’s...well, I’m not exactly sure what it is, but you feel like having a good wash afterwards. Bella goes on and on about his “cobalt eyes” or his “pale, chis-elled face” or his “exquisite body”; but when it comes to talking about her actual feelings, she goes off on a spiel about how they were “fated” or “destined” to be together. Now, cynic I may be, but I like to think maybe love relies on a little more than looks or horoscopes. What about, y’know, personality? Oh that’s right. They’re not real characters. They’re sock puppets with faces drawn on that Meyer uses to act out all her weird, adolescent-rape fantasies.

I could go on. I could talk about the ter-rible, ‘Mills and Boon’ style prose. I could talk about the supposed Mormon pro-paganda. I could try to explain just how screwed up the story gets in the last one (one word; paedophilia). But the fact that it’s bad isn’t really the point. The point is that there was an opportunity for some-thing really special here. There was a yawning gap in the market for a teenage love story, and it could have been filled with something amazing – the ‘Romeo & Juliet or Pride & Prejudice’ of the20th cen-tury. Instead we got this; this messed up, hack-job of a story. My point is; it could have been so much better.

Rory Platt 13TM