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Disclaimer: Most of what you read here comes from my blog, one time or another. I compiled all the posts of what I teach on Basic Human interaction and put it all together, just for you. If you read a section that sounds familiar and I don't feel like you need the refresher, simply skip to the next section. Think of it this way, now you can take my blog where ever you go :)

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About Parker Lee

Info: My name is Parker Lee and I am the creator or the popular personal development website howtomingle.com/blog. I write articles about improving your self worth, conversation, and dating a few times a week. Feel free to follow me on Twitter, befriend me on Facebook or send me an email using this contact form.

Growing up with Parker

For starters, I’m first generation Vietnamese-American. Because my parents were immigrants, I grew up from very humble beginnings. They always tried their best on giving me a comfortable life-style,

but like most, my life was far from perfect.Growing up, my parents provided me with a wardrobe full of patched-up hand-me-downs. I was 8 years old, so I couldn’t care less what I wore…heck, I was carefree and clueless!However, one day at a family event, all my relatives chuckled, pointed, and laughed at me the whole day. Confused, my cousin blurted out, “We are laughing at your patched up-jeans!” I had a rude awakening, and at that moment, I felt like I wasn’t good enough for them, so I better hide myself. 5 minutes later, I did just that. This was the first time I felt alone and deserted.

A few years later, it got worse… to the point where I even cried. I told myself “No more! I’m never going to be alone again”. However, I overcompensated by doing whatever it took for people to like me.

I was so fed up with my family and friends, that by the end of high-school I was hungry to figure out :

• how to make friends • how to get a girlfriend

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• why people took advantage of me, and left me, when all I did was try my best to be a good friend.

My failures became the greatest life-changing moment of my life.

By 16 I was being so nice that people thought that I was being fake, and eventually my friends deserted me. The thing I was trying so hard to avoid, occurred again. Being alone.

• I set out on a journey a year after highschool to work on myself(self development), how to make friends through conversation, and how to improve my dating life.

• I took out 3,000.00 Dollars and invested it on several Self Development Seminars.

I remember the first time my efforts paid off, I was at a bar: out of the blue, a red-head walks up to me and proclaims, “You’re Hot!” I’ve never had someone call me this–I was speechless. I had no idea what to say, I actually thought someone had dared her to tell me that. However, as far was I was concerned–this was a “genuine” compliment. I didn’t care! I took what I got.

Later on that year, I eventually took courses in the Art Of Conversation and Relationships. I remember going out each day and night practicing what I had learned earlier that day. I tried mingling with people at every opportunity I got: art exhibits, charity events, bars and lounges–anything and everything. I struggled a lot during those times, but I learned a lot, quickly.

My First Girlfriend

I remember the first time my conversation skills finally paid off, I met my soon to be girlfriend. I’ll never forget what she said to me within the first ten minutes upon meeting each other:

“You know what? I really like you, and that doesn’t come around often.” “Wow. I’ve never been told this before”–I thought to myself.

Then I hit a great milestone!

• One day, a self development company who I hired recognized my speedy progress and asked me if I wanted to shadow one of their Life Coaches to eventually work for them. I was stoked and took up their offer without hesitation!

• I spent the next Four Years traveling to over 45 major cities(L.A, Amsterdam, Singapore, New York, to name a few…).

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Those were great times in my life…. I remember starting off this journey with no one. But as I improved, I made more friends, and now I have a contact list of hundreds (Harvard Lawyers, Business Execs, Dentists and Surgeons to name a few). Of course, I can’t be close friends with all of them, so there is only a dozen that I actually keep in touch with.

My close friends and I are in our mid-twenties to mid-thirties. One of us has reached a million dollars not including his total network, and the rest of us are – let’s just say doing very well for ourselves.

I’ve succeeded in changing hundreds of lives through seminars in the areas of Self Development, Dating, and Conversation.

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Please don’t think that I’m trying to brag, my point in telling you this is to hope you’re encouraged to realize that, if someone like me who couldn’t make a friend if my life depended on it….through faith, and hard-work, can be someone who now attracts all sorts of quality people into my life, (and to sound cliche) you can too! If this is what you are interested in achieving, let me be the one who provides you that access.

Where am I at now

For the first time ever, I can honestly say that I Love My-Self, My-Life, and Who I Have Become.

New Journey Into A One-Man-Company

As with anything in life, people take on different views–and where I wanted to be in life eventually conflicted with the company I was working for. So, I put in my weeks notice and created http://howtomingle.com/blog, my baby.

Why am I different? There are many great self development bloggers who actually do what they preach. However, in the area of Conversation and Dating, there are very few, and even less that achieve real results. What I teach, comes from years of on-the-court experience, AND I consistently have my students produce REAL RESULTS!

I’ve traveled and taught in over 45 major cities world-wide, met, mingled, and have spoken to over thousands of different people(around the globe) and have forged dozens of relationships over the years. My Conversational Techniques produce the same successful results everywhere and every time!

Everything you read here on this blog is Tried, Tested, and True–I promise.

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Table of Contents

Table of ContentsPart 1. Introduction

Part 2. Ice-Breakers

Part 3. Six Questions to Ask Yourself on a Date, With Yourself.

Part 4. The Secret to being Loved and Liked, Without Trying Too Hard

Part 5. How to Make People Love You

Part 6. Being Relatable

Part 7. You, Them & The Universe

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Introduction

Do you know anyone who never smiles? You swear that their heart is made of brick mortar. Maybe you’ve asked yourself if they’ve ever had a good day in their life?

How do you approach and talk to people who seem intimidating because they never smile, or because they’re very attractive. I promise you that I can meet, mingle and forge relationships with anyone I meet, even the characters mentioned above, and you can too. You may be skeptical, that’s fine.

But that’s only because reality is subjective. Everyone’s reality is shaped through their own experiences in life, this is also known as, “opinions.” Is your glass half empty, or half full? Someone who has experienced much joy in life will say it’s half full versus someone who hasn’t had much luck will say it’s obviously, half empty.

Let me shatter your reality, let me show you that you don’t need money, good lucks, and fancy connections to meet anyone, anytime, anywhere. All I ask is that you let me show you my reality. My reality is filled with limitless possibilities, this is because I have taught and succeeded with the most socially awkward people out there. Now, I’m not saying that you are in anyway socially unable to carry a conversation.

I’m saying that if my student turned friend, can go from being completely invisible towards anyone he met, with hard work, essentially now leads a life filled with quality friends, and you can too! Obviously, cases to which my clients seem extremely socially awkward are rare, most of my clients are pretty normal people who(like 90% of people) just have trouble “creating chemistry” out of thin air.

Well, I’m here to say that everything I’ve mentioned can be yours.

Because that’s my reality, one that you will soon have.

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Part 2. Ice-Breakers

Art of Ice-Breakers. There’s a misconception that the first few words coming from person’s mouth has to be so good, that if used, it will make anyone fall madly in love with them–just like the Sirens from the Odyssey.

This is not true, at all. It’s not what you say that matters, but how you react to the person who responds to the first few words coming from your mouth. Got that? I’ll explain.

If you have the mindset of really wanting to speak to a stranger, by default you’re creating pressure on yourself. If you’re like most people in this world, breaking the ice with a stranger whose intimidating because of their looks or social status, can be scary. And this is perfectly fine, because anything outside of our comfort zone is scary–and talking to a stranger alone is uncomfortable because we don’t know them, yet.

So by default you’re creating pressure on yourself, imagine walking up to a stranger whose intimidating(they are intimidating because you want to talk to them) with all this pressure, then opening your lips to say a few words…don’t be surprised if your voice gets a little shaky. It’s perfectly normal. Trust me, I’ve been there and have seen this situation play out hundreds of times from business execs, students, and teachers all alike.

It’s no surprise whomever you decide to talk to is bit weird-ed out, or not. But that doesn’t matter, because if you react in a way where you “play it cool”, the interaction will be fine. Maybe you stuttered, they gave you a weird look, and responded with a quirky joke:

“That didn’t play out like I thought it would, I was supposed to say something, you’re supposed to be impressed by my charm, and we become friends”.

You can be rest assured that whomever you reacted like this too, even after a blunder, will appreciate you and introduce themselves.

As I said, it’s not what you say, but how you react to the person who responds to the first few words coming from your mouth.

People spend too much time coming up with the “perfect line.” When the trick to Breaking the Ice is simply, using the universe as your playground. This is done through appreciating your surroundings and making observational comments.

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Part 3. Six Questions to ask Yourself on a Date, with Yourself.

“Nobody will think you’re somebody if you don’t think so yourself.”African-American proverb

“Self-love is not opposed to the love of others.”Dr. Karl Menninger

I love candy. By the time I was three all but 2 of my teeth were left, my canines. My aunt called me, “Acula”, which stands for Dracula in Vietnamese.

I fell in love with my clothing at 7. One day at a family function, all the cousins laughed at my favorite jeans… turns out I was tricked, the cool kids never wore patched up hand-me-downs.

Growing up my parents taught me respect, I took it literally. The word Please was stapled behind all my questions and statements.

Could you hand me a glass of water, please? Hey I like your shirt, please.

By the time I was 17, I was dealing with pretty much every self help issue there was– self identity, self respect, and connecting with others.

Have you heard of this saying or a close variation to it?

“Help your self, before you help others”

I didn’t know who I was, because of this, meeting people was hard for me. My peers would ask me the simplest questions to which I had no idea how to answer.

What are you doing today?

I don’t know?

What Happened?

I started doing what I called “Dates with myself“. I would schedule time with myself. I would literally go to Starbucks and take myself out on a date and spend that time totally focused on myself. It’s my time. This is a simple, yet powerful concept that can dramatically improve your well being, effectiveness and mental health.

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Because of this title post, I won’t go into detail about my self development spiritually, that’s another post, for another day. I will however tell you how I developed myself conversationally.

But before we start, it’s important you know the questions I ask you can be used in any setting; for example, if I asked you, “What are your values and beliefs?” What would you tell me? Let’s say you were into politics, then you’d tell me your values and beliefs for politics.

Or perhaps you crave living each day like it’s your last, then you’d tell me your values and beliefs on enjoying life and taking risks, or food, or how about kids? You get tha point(I hope!) Basically, sky’s the limit.

Now, let’s talk about the set up. Each question you come across will have a description and an example. The description part is self explanatory.

I went ahead and used real life examples from one of my current students, with my help he was able to come up with examples that not only gave him answers to these important questions, but also deliver his statements by cutting straight to the point, while keeping his statements interesting and intriguing.

Also, my client wanted me to help him meet and mingle with people in social settings like bars, concerts and lounges. So the examples you’re about to see are themed around that “market”.

Without further adieu, Six Questions to ask Yourself on a Date, with Yourself

1. My Adventures:

Description: Many times when first meeting someone, people will ask you, “So, what brings you here?” This is when you can tell them an adventure you’ve had prior meeting them.

Example: I’m here in NYC to show the world that New Jersey has more to offer than that damn show “Jersey Shore”. We’re not all about sex, drugs, and fist pumps, we also love building meaningful conversations and guess what? You’re part of that equation. (meaningful conversations was meant to sound cheesy, as a joke, FYI.)

2. Where I am:

Description: Where are you? Are you lost? First time in a city? Visiting?

Example: This bar we’re in is so nice compared to the last one I was at, literally, at the last bar the cops broke up a fight by throwing tear gas into the crowd~!

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3. Where I will be:

Description: Where will you be in the next hour? Better yet, where do you want to be? In every interaction, if all goes well you and your new friends will ask each other, “what are you doing later tonight?” It’s astonishing to me how many people give blank looks and stares when asked this question. Don’t be fall into this hole, have a game-plan by knowing your logistics. This will help you several ways.

• It will serve as an “advertisement” to further entice your new friends to join you later in the night.

• It will give you something to talk about, more comfort building. And you want to build comfort, because that’s the name of the game(more on that later).

Example: After this, I’m going to end the right by having an after party with my friends on our apartment rooftop. We have some wine left over from last week’s dinner party, and my rooftop has this breathtaking view of the city. As long as we don’t run into the Bobbo The-Homeless Guy, we’ll be fine.

4. Values and Beliefs:

Instruction: What are your values and beliefs on Politics? Drinking? Bars? Kids?

Example: I think bars are all about having fun, but sometimes people go too far. The other day my drunk friend pissed in a cup and placed it on the counter. Five minutes later, half the cup was empty!

5. Vulnerabilities:

Description: Basically, what do you suck at? In a world full of people trying to fit this perfect mold, it’s the ones who are confident enough to express their weaknesses who are admired.

Example: Have you heard of the Asian Flush? I have it. Basically, all I need to do is sniff alcohol and my face turns into a cherry–I mean, it gets flushed-red. And people seem to think I’m drunk to the point of no return, it’s embarrassing!

6. Dreams:

Description: Any Fantasies about the city you’re in? Is New York really like Sex in the City?

Example: I dreamt the other day that everyone was one solid color, Tan. And I guess it makes sense with the growth of interracial dating, I mean, what’s the in between color from white to black. Tan, right?

So here ya have it, Six Questions that’s Guaranteed to get the interaction Rolling, I promise! These may not by your typical date questions, but don’t worry. I’ll cover those topics soon enough. Besides, the first step towards dating anyone is getting to know yourself first.

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Part 4. The Secret of Being Loved and Liked, Without Trying Too Hard

I used to think people liked me….

….for the witty things I said, or the exciting stories I told.

And I believed that’s what scored me a date with Sophia, a very attractive Russian. She was so cold towards others, but with me she let her guard down, and I liked that–a lot. At work she was this very hard working employee: she goes to work, does her job (a great job), and goes home –“This girl’s a Bitch” is what you’d say to her if you’d just met her. But, one day, she heard a rumor that her hard line stance on keeping her personal life separate from work life had kept her from getting a promotion. Basically, her employers were promoting people they liked versus who they believed was better qualified for the job.

How I got Dragged In

Sophia’s company was sponsoring a charity event and she wanted to prove to her employers that she could as easily be the outgoing Mr. Hyde as well as the professional Dr. Jekyll, that she doesn’t have to always be stern, strict and edgy all the time.

Sure enough, she believed by bringing me to this event I would bring out the “social graces” in her that I had come to love and appreciate, hoping that her employers would get to see another side of her and she would get that promotion.

But the timing couldn’t have been worse! I came down with one of the worst allergic reactions due to dandelions (don’t judge me!). My eyes were glued shut to my face and my nose was runny and stuffed—I was in no mood to do anything, not even eat Vietnamese Noodle Soup(Pho), my favorite dish. But because I knew it meant a lot to her, I sucked it up, got ready and went to her shindig.

At the event I met a couple of her co-workers. I smiled and shook hands but because of my condition I felt that I really didn’t help her situation at all.

Later that night, curled in bed I couldn’t have felt worse, and not just physically. ”You were such a drag at the party!” I told myself, ashamed, I did not even want to see Sophia afterwards. But, the following day, she called to inform me that I was a smash! Everyone loved me!

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I was flabbergasted!I didn’t tell a single joke or make any witty comments or share my favorite party story about the homeless guy who stole my dinner (which never fails to amuse!).

This got me really thinking, I thought back to what exactly I did and how I reacted to the crowd: I did nothing more than laugh, ask questions and simply nod at people while I interacted with them. I came to realize people loved me not for the things I said, but for how I made them feel about themselves.

And that’s what I want to share with you today, how you can get people to love and like you, without having to put on a show. You don’t need to throw out fancy one-liners or perform somersaults!

Here’s How You can be Loved and Liked, Without Trying Too Hard:

• Asking Questions: People love talking about themselves (myself included). I used to think to be liked, you had to add two cents into a conversation. But have you ever met someone who was really good at probing and asking questions, hours can pass before you’ve noticed they’ve had you talking about yourself the entire time. There’s a sudden liking to this type of conversationalist. I can go on and on about asking questions, but I’ll just give you the skinny. There are two main types of questions, opinions and facts. Normally, when you first meet someone, you want to first ask a personal fact, then follow up with a personal opinion question.

• Compliments, Smiling and Relating: Yes I know, this sounds obvious—but it’s a double-edged sword and often can do more harm than good if not done right.

Example:

You: Are you from here?(Personal Fact Question)

Them: No, I’ve just moved here from Austin, Texas.

You: Welcome to New York! How’s it going for you? (Personal Opinion)

Ultimately, you want to ask for an opinion question because it will get someone to commit all the while allowing them to talk about life from their own perspective. Which is a ideal.

• Be curious: If you should come across a hobby someone is into, but you’re unfamiliar with, simply get curious and ask about it. Ask what it’s about, Ask what got them into it, Ask yourself if you’d like to try it out after discovering this new information. Just because you haven’t

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experienced something, doesn’t mean you can’t try to relate to it. If you look upon yourself as being an ongoing student of the universe, people will appreciate you much more.

• Nod: This may sound simple, but it does wonders. Because nodding reaffirms someone you’re taking in and following along what they’re saying, it lets them know that you appreciate their time and effort.

• Eye Contact: Eye contact and nodding go hand in hand. Again, this may sound simple, but it is much easier said than done. You’d be surprised how many people do not look at the person they are talking with. The worst you can do is to look around the room when someone is talking to you – it’s disrespectful and very discouraging for the speaker. It says to the speaker, “I’m really not interested”.

• 10 second rule:

It can sometimes be painful to have to wait until someone finishes a sentence. I’m a natural interrupter, and it conflicts with my desire of becoming a better listener. So, to avoid interrupting, or even jumping in immediately after the person takes a quick breathe of air (when they actually have more to say), I use the 10 second rule.

I will count to 10 slowly in my mind when the person takes a pause. You’d be surprised how much people open up when you give them enough space to speak. In reality, I actually use the 30 second rule, but started with 10 and moved to 30 with some practice.

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Part 5. How to Make People Love You

1. Compliments

We live in a world where most of us would rather criticize than give compliments, it’s easy to fall into this trap because it can makes you feel superior compared to others. And because everyone loves to criticize, you’ll always have someone to join you.

This is one way to network and build relationships, but you always end up feeling a little bad and empty inside…kind of like eating ice cream all day with nothing to show for it but added pounds and a bad stomach ache.

So, are You in? Let’s make a conscious effort to appreciate people we meet everyday. But before doing so, its important you know there’s a wrong and a right way to giving compliments.

How It Can Go Wrong

I see this happen all the time, a stranger(let’s call him Jack) attempts to create rapport with another by asking a question. Because Jack’s real motive is to network, he becomes dependent on the outcome much more than the person without a hidden agenda–he thinks himself,”I really want to be friends with this person” , or ” I really like this person”.

So he puts much stock and effort into making the interaction great. He does this at all costs, even if he has to give what I call, a fake compliment.

Fake Compliment

Jack: Do you know any good bars in town?

Them: Try Jack and Pubs.

Jack: Thank you, I appreciate it! Where are you from??

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Notice how Jack thanked them and followed up with a personal question. This may work depending on the situation and who you’re speaking with. But as a rule of thumb, a personal question right off the bat can make you look desperate, and needy.

It will leave others with the first impression of labeling you as someone who is over stepping your boundaries by asking such a personal question. Compliments have to be earned. It’s earned by getting someone to contribute into the interaction.

Legitimate Compliment

Me: Do you know where good bars are at?

Them: Try Jack and Pubs.

Me: Oh, what’s going on there tonight? (Asking for more effort before legitimately giving a compliment)

Them: It’s happy hour tonight, and they have a band playing. (now I feel they’ve contributed enough to earn a compliment)

Me: Thanks! I really appreciate it. Are born and raised here?

Because they’ve put in effort to help me out, the question after my compliment didn’t come off as needy and fake.

2. Smiling

Yes, this sounds really obvious. But you have to do it too. If you actually try smiling more you’ll discover how the world treats you changes a lot. People generally react to how you treat them. And emotions are contagious.

Let’s talk about the rule of X=X. You are X, and so are They. This means whatever emotions you convey, others will sense it and reflect it back at you. I promise, if you walk up to someone and convey that you’re either angry, happy, or nervous, people will sense your emotions, and reflect it back at you. X=X.

Maybe you DO Smile, but people Aren’t Buying it.

There is a right way and a wrong way to smile.

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Wrong Way:

Jack: “Hi, I’m Jack.” [big smile] “What’s your name?” [big smile]

Correct Way:

Jack: “What’s your name?” [neutral look on Jack's Face] Girl: “Christine” Jack: [big smile] “Hi, I’m Jack.”

Notice the subtle difference between the two. Like complimenting, smiling has the same concept. A smile is much more appreciative once it is earned.

In the first example Jack is smiling for no reason. Smiling all the time is not attractive. It is what people do when they are uncomfortable.

A smile should be a reward. And you should only reward people when they contribute effort to an interaction.

In the second example Jack has a neutral expression when he asks a question, and then he smiles when he gets effort (in this case she just gives her name).

This is a simple example, but when we expand it over the course of an interaction it does TONS to build presence and authority, thus, adding to the formula that is Making People Love You.

3. Relating

No one wants to talk about anything they can’t relate to. However, I understand sometimes it can be hard to relate with someone you’ve just met, because you’re both strangers, right? That’s the problem, a common mistake with people who’ve just met, is that they think topics are black and white. Allow me to explain.

People may hear a topic and think to themselves, “I can’t relate to that! We have nothing in common!” “Next. New Friend!”

The reality is, when it comes to relating there are many shades to a gray with topics.

Example: I just came back from vacation, I was visiting Amsterdam.

Some people may look this and will think to themselves, ” I’ve never stepped foot outside this country, so relating to Amsterdam is out of the question!”

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As I said, there are many shades to a gray when it comes to relating with topics: maybe you’ve never been outside your country, but if you were to go, where would it be and why?

Relating the correct way:

I’ve never been to Amsterdam, but if I were to travel it would definitely be Singapore. I hear it’s beautiful, full of Luscious Green Exotic Plants and Animals. I’ve also heard it’s the cleanest country in the world, so clean that I once read on the news a tourist was spanked in public for taking a leak in a bush… talk about zero tolerance!

When it comes to relating to subjects, don’t take it so literal.

The first step towards relating is being curious, if ever should you come across something you’re unfamiliar with, simply get curious and ask about it. Ask what it’s about, Ask what got them into it, Ask yourself if you’d like to try it out after discovering this new information. Just because you haven’t experienced something, doesn’t mean you can’t try to relate to it. I believe if you look upon yourself as being an everlasting student of the universe, you’ll be able to relate with anyone, anytime, anywhere.

Part 6. Being Relatable

The other day someone asked me a question that I just had to write an article about, “How do I become relatable? I feel that no one gets me.” Well, this article is going to attack that question, I’ll start this off with a very common problem when trying to be relatable towards others.

Asking too many Questions

This is a trap everyone has fallen into(I sure have), right? If you ask too many questions it can seem more like an interrogation than good company. If you feel like this has happened to you, it’s most likely because you’ve felt pressured, this pressure usually comes from high expectations of a “perfect” interaction. That’s your first mistake, because no interaction is perfect. But that’s another topic, for another day.

So do us both a favor and take a breather, calm down, and relax. Accept the fact that you may not say the best choice of words, you may even offend someone. But that’s not important, what’s important is

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that you recognize your mistakes and learn from them. Besides, successful people are born from a string of learnt mistakes–no one is born perfect, no one.

The next thing you need to learn is that Statements rule over Questions. Statements are much more powerful, because making a statement means to speak your mind without caring what others think. This is attractive.

Secondly, understand who you’re talking to, let’s assume like attracts like. Meaning, if you love video games it’s natural for you to gravitate towards people who love video games. This concept goes for politicians, health enthusiasts etc.

Now that we’re under the assumption that you are with like minded people, let’s introduce the Theory of Nostradamus.

Nostradamus was a 16th century seer. His followers believed that he predicted worldly events such as Napoleon, World War II, and even the 9/11 terrorist attacks. It’s apparent when I read some of his scripts I can sort of see where his followers are coming from, add a little bit of imagination and Wallah!–I can instantly see his scripts being relatable to modern day events. Maybe he can help me with tomorrow’s lottery numbers.

However, what I have also learned about Nostradamus was that he babbled non-stop and people wrote down everything he said. With countless manuscripts full of his lucid visions, its easy to find something that sounds like a modern-day event.

Nostradamus was the ultimate people connector, I figure. I want you to be Nostradamus. I want you to understand that if you reveal enough about yourself around like minded individuals, they will find something to connect with.

Most people force conversation upon others by trying to spark chemistry out of thin-air through a barrage of questions:

“So where are you from?”

“New York”

“Oh cool, what made you move down here?”

“My Job”

“What do you do?”

“Hey listen, my fiends are calling me it was nice to meet you.”

These are examples of The Infamous Question Train people use when attempting to connect with others. To my ear this sounds forced and fake. Why? Because there’s nothing unique and personal

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being revealed, it’s just forced door-knob talk. No one likes being interrogated, it’s better to allow the connection to find you.

Nostradamus was great at this. Instead of asking questions, he simply made statements about anything and everything that came to his mind at that very moment.

He yapped on so much that connections with real-life, future-events actually found him.

Think about all that you like and dislike. Assuming you’re around like minded people, pick out anyone in the room to whom you want to mingle and connect with. Now consider this. If you and this other took five minutes to jot down ten likes, dislikes and vulnerabilities I bet I could take both lists and find at least five relatable commonalities. Maybe you are both huge Star War fans. Maybe you both need an occasional rainy day. Maybe you share the same favorite novel.

Maybe they’re attracted to Angelina Jolie, just like you. These commonalities would be authentic, unforced and… cool.

So WWND? What exactly would Nostradamus do? Better yet, what will you do?

I have faith that if you express yourself often enough through Statements, in a personal manner, you will never have to try to connect with others, the connection will find you.

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Part 7. You, Them, & the Universe

What people don’t realize is that the most important of the three, isn’t the witty things you say or how charming the other person is, but it’s The Universe in which the both of you share.

The universe plays at least 70% into whether you make a new friend or not. Logistics(The Universe) to me, is essentially everything that’s out of my control. The only thing I can control is myself, everything else I have no control over, and that’s the universe.

However, you can fix the odds of things going your way by preparing yourself for potential future mishaps. This is done through Asking Logistical Questions.

Logistical Situation 1. Let’s say you’re the next Legendary Rock Star of the decade, but you live in Eagle pass, Texas–population, less than 1,000. Let’s face it, there’s no-way of making your dreams come true because the universe is standing in your way. But by asking logistical issues such as:

• Where will I have to be to achieve my dreams? • How will I get there? • Who do I have to meet?

Answering these Logistical Questions will provide you answers that will give you better odds of making your dreams come true. Maybe you’ve decided that L.A. is the only place to be discovered, or better yet, maybe using the Internet and getting on Youtube to showcase your talent is your best option.

Logistical Situation 2. Let’s say you see a very influential politician, someone you’ve been wanting to meet for a very long time. You spot him at a rally, it’s loud, there’s a long line, and security is very tight. Now you have to ask yourself these logistical questions:

• Will I have to shout in his ear for him to hear me? • How will I cut through all these people? • How will I surpass security when the only way of meeting him is by having a special badge.

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Maybe the best way is for you to wait it out, sometimes fighting the universe is just out of your hands. Maybe you could catch your unsuspecting politician in an elevator, and Bam! You say your elevator pitch.

Logistical Situation 3. Let’s say you’re having the time of your life with a girl you’ve just met, you’re spitting out some of the best lines known to man, and she’s also enjoying your company. But five minutes into the interaction she pulls out her phone and you overhear her saying,” Hey! Oh…you’re right outside? Ok I’ll be right out!” She turns back to you and says, “Hey! It was nice meeting you but I have to go!”

What are you going to do and say then? Get her number as she’s running off? No, because you wouldn’t want to come off as needy and desperate.

Here’s what I do: Once I’m enjoying my time with anyone, the first thing I always ask is: “What are you doing tonight?”

Let’s say she replies with, “Oh, I’m just waiting for my friend to pick me up in 5 minutes, from there we’re going to Lotus Lounge in Uptown.”

After hearing this, I now know that I have a time-line of Five Minutes, I gotta get to know her a bit, show some interest early on and throughout our chat, get her number after about three minutes, and charm her a bit more to make an everlasting impression so she’ll remember me later in the night.

All these scenarios are all different but very alike in the same sense that unless you to fix-your-logistics by asking yourself logistical questions, The Universe will stand in your way.

Not asking Logistical Questions is like going into a battle field with blind folds on, you’ve basically lost before it’s even begun. So whether it’s making your dreams come true, meeting a new contact, or mingling with someone you want to date–ask yourself the necessary logistical questions and eliminate potential problems that may lie ahead when making friends. Best of luck!

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Final Thoughts

That's it. Howtomingle101: Basic tips and tricks on how to meet anyone, anytime/anywhere.

It may feel overwhelming so try to tackle each section one at a time. Don’t try to do this all at once. Focus on one habit for a week and go from there. It may seem slow and I understand that it’s easy to get wrapped up in the enthusiasm and the hope that you will give your life a total overhaul right now. Nothing wrong with that. But in my experience you won’t be able to keep it up until your new habits are established and stable. Sure, you can live on your enthusiasm for a week or two. But sooner or later life interferes or the stress of doing it all at once causes too much inner and outer resistance and you give up.

Thank you! Finally, I would like to thank you for reading this book and I hope you enjoyed it as much as I loved writing it. And thank you so much for supporting me and the howtomingle blog! If you would like to connect with me then I’m on Twitter, Facebook and you can shoot me an email from this contact page. Have a happy and awesome life!

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