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How to Communicate in anAssertive Manner

Speaking assertively is not magic. It is a technique that you can practice at home in your owntime, by yourself or with close ones to provide feedback. This article provides some tips on how togo about assertive communication.

1. When you talk, use the word I. !void using the word you, as this stops you from tryingto make the other person responsible, blame them or put words into their mouth.

". #aintain eye contact in a way that is both natural and comfortable. $on%t outstare aperson but do look them in the eyes regularly to show your interest in them and your certaintyin yourself. If you worry about looking into the eyes, look &ust above.

'. (eep your body posture alert and confident. $on%t slouch and think of stretching yourselffrom your head to your toes, sitting or standing. )ay particular attention to the neck, shoulderand upper back regions. !lso, don%t give off angry or self*effacing vibes * stand+sit straight

-. estures are useful and important. #ake gestures which give a sense of warmth andopenness on your behalf * open palms, circular arm movements, smiles, wrinkles of the nose,hugs etc

/. !void confusing messages. #ean what you say. If you say yes, you should mean it. Ifyou say no, you should mean it. $on%t go back on promises or firm statements.

0. emember that silence is a tool, not an enemy. 2earn to be comfortable with silence anduse pauses to main effect to let the other person digest what you have &ust said. This is alsouseful for public speaking * people hang off what you have &ust said and wait for your ne3twords.

4. !lways know what you want when you are asking for something from another person.(eep this goal in mind and don%t sway.

5. Speak clearly. !lways. #umbling, muttering and circular sentences do nothing to furthercommunication.

6. $on%t swear 7curse8 or talk rudely in tone. 9se proper language.1:. ;e careful about the tone of your voice. (eep it evenly moderated and avoid getting ahigh*pitched, whiny or tearful tone.

11. If you feel tears or anger coming on, breathe very deeply from the stomach * you shouldbe able to see your stomach rise out and pull back in. This deep breathing will calm you in aslittle as - * / breaths.

1". ;e careful to speak at a conversational level * not too loud and not too soft. If you are toosoft, the other person will think you are trying to hide yourself and may ignore you. If you aretoo loud, the other person may become scared or angered by your voice.

1'. The most important thing is to believe that you are responsible for yourself. ocus on how you feel rather than saying you did ?, @,A.

Tips

If you are someone who keeps your emotions repressed and your body muscles take the

full brunt, it is important to e3ercise and stretch those muscles to stop this. @ou will standtaller, breathe better and feel stronger if you do this and e3ercise helps to free your emotions.

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If the conversation becomes too heated, ask for time*out or a break. =3plain that it has

nothing to do with the other person, it is &ust that you feel confused, tired or need time toreflect and that you will resume the conversation later.

$on%t yell or say things you%ll regret later. This may seem like an easy option at the time

but memories linger and it achieves nothing more than agitating and angering both parties.!ssertiveness is about conveying your wants and needs without raising your voice.

2earning assertive communication takes time. $on%t give up, &ust keep on practicing in

everyday situations * supermarket queues are e3cellent

#any of us try to seek people%s approval in our actions, speech etc. ;efore we do

something or say something, we try to think whether the other person will get angry at us ornot. We try to avoid saying things that can earn the wrath of others, even if that is the rightthing to say or do. When we let go of this habit, we will not only be able to freely e3press ourthoughts, we can also become more assertive. We will say and do things without worryingwhat others will think of us, and it can help turn us into a more charismatic person.

@ou should care if you offend someone. @ou should care for others% feelings but in a

positive way, not in a way which weakens you. There is no problem if you hesitate to saysomething because you do not want to hurt the listener, but if your hesitation is due to fearand not because of genuine sympathy for the listener, then you need to work on overcomingthis negative trait within you.

If you have been in the habit of constantly seeking other%s approval, then you might notovercome this habit overnight but if you keep working at it, eventually you should.