holding difficult conversations power point · • arbinger institute (2006) the anatomy of peace:...
TRANSCRIPT
Holding Difficult Conversations With Your Kids:
Exploring Communication Strategies
Zachary Card, LMFT-InternSafe School Professional SMHW III
702-550-9604 [email protected]
The Counseling Program of Doral Academy of Nevada Presents:
What are some of the topics we fear?
Why?
How do I explain this to my child?
How to talk to kids about death!
http://drugsoverdinner.org
• Death • Suicide • Sex • Pornography
• Drugs • Alcohol • Racism • Divorce
What were some of our own experiences with our own parents about these
difficult topics?
"Always communicate with your children that any topic is OK to bring up. Even if the parent doesn't have the answer, the
important thing is you are creating a situation where you can address the issues together.”
-Robi Ludwig, Psy.D.
Source: https://www.care.com/c/stories/3447/difficult-conversations-with-kids/
• Give every question a positive reaction. • Acknowledge discomfort. • Find a good time. • Ask for more time. • Listen to and support your child.
Source: https://www.care.com/c/stories/3447/difficult-conversations-with-kids/
Tips:
Don’t wait for the “perfect” time. There is no such thing. It is going to be uncomfortable regardless.
Source: https://www.care.com/c/stories/3447/difficult-conversations-with-kids/
• Even if you feel your “talk” was a failure, the door has now been opened for future conversations.
• Now your child “knows that you know” and that you aren’t completely out of touch with them or oblivious to childhood struggles.
Validation: To provide reassurance that ones emotions are valid.
• All feelings can be accepted and certain actions must be limited. Validation does not necessarily mean that you agree with them or approve of their thoughts or actions.
• Steady denial of feelings confuse, enrage, and teach kids not to know or trust their feelings.
• Also, resist trying to fix it for them!
Source: Faber & Mazlish (2012) How To Talk So Kids Will Listen & Listen So Kids Will Talk
Helping Children Deal with Their Feelings: Children need to have their feelings accepted and respected.
1. You can listen quietly and attentively. (Think of “A.R.E. you there for me?”)
2. You can acknowledge their feelings with a word. (“Oh…hmmm…I see.”)
3. You can give the feeling a name. (“That sounds frustrating!”)
4. You can give the child their wishes in fantasy. (“I wish I could…”) Source: Faber & Mazlish (2012) How To Talk So Kids Will Listen & Listen So Kids Will Talk
What do we do when things go wrong? VS.
How do we help things go right?“The key to effective parenting is to reverse this order
in expenditure of time and energy.”
Be proactive (prevention), rather than reactive. • Am I correcting my children without teaching
them? • What is the quality of my relationship with
my children? • What is the quality of my relationship with
my spouse (or my child’s parent)? • How pure is my “way of being?”
Source: Arbinger Institute (1998) The Parenting Pyramid
Resources:• Faber & Mazlish (2012) How To Talk So Kids
Will Listen & Listen So Kids Will Talk • Faber & Mazlish (1992) How To Be the Parent
You Always Wanted To Be • Arbinger Institute (1998) The Parenting
Pyramid • Arbinger Institute (2006) The Anatomy of
Peace: Resolving the Heart of Conflict • Sue Johnson (2013) Love Sense: The
Revolutionary New Science of Romantic Relationships