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October, November &

December 2010

Grandfamilies Relatives as Parents

Caregiver Quarterly Newsletter

Inside this issue:

Grandfamilies Staff:

Chris Bray

Executive Director

Jacci Graham, LCSW

Program Director

Anna-Lee Hernandez

Coordinator

Emily Redd

Coordinator

Jenny Williams

Coordinator

Nanette Evans

Information Management

Specialist

Melissa Youngman

Lead Children’s

Group Worker

Upcoming Events 2

Operation EDITH 3

Over-the-Counter Drug

Abuse

5

Cyberbullying 6

Losing Sleep Over Late-

Night Texting

8

Family Fun Activities 9

Solving the Puzzle 10

Getting Through the

Holidays One Day

11

Thank You 12

SLCAP Homeownership

Center

12

When Grandfamilies started eight years ago

our classes were quite small. Now we have a

waiting list for all our classes. Our Friend 2

Friend activities are being well attended and

we sincerely hope we are meeting the

needs of the families that we have the

privilege of serving.

One of our sponsors just started a new non-

profit organization. The founder of the non-

profit was over several of the venues at the

2002 Winter Olympics. He said it was so

disheartening when he attended the very

popular ice skating events and other popular

activities, to know they were sold out but

there were many vacant seats. He decided

at that time he was going to work with

entertainment and educational institutions to

see if there was a way he could provide

unused tickets to “at risk youth” and

organizations that serve special interest

clients. Grandfamilies is very pleased to be

one of the five agencies selected to pilot

this new program. We will be getting tickets

for sporting events, movies, theater, opera,

ballet, museums and other cultural events

that we can pass on to you through our

Friend 2 Friend activities.

The Utah County Project is still moving

forward. It looks as if we will be signing a

contract within the next month or so that will

enable Utah county to have their own

Grandfamilies Program. We have been

thrilled to work with the many supporting

agencies in Utah County and see their

enthusiasm to serve the families in their own

area.

As always, we are inspired with the unselfish

service that you provide to the children in

your care. We know they will be able to face

the difficulties of life much better in your

home than the home of a stranger.

This year Red Ribbon Week will be October

23—31, 2010. Keep an eye out for

activities at your child’s school.

I would like to thank the following

Grandfamilies clients: Grandmother Linda

and her two grandsons for agreeing to an

interview with Cristina Flores for Channel 2

Family Matters. They did a wonderful job

giving the community a peek into their lives

and the issues faced by kinship caregivers

and the children in their care. Grandmothers

Judy, Diana, Jayme and Aunt Dana for

speaking on the caregivers panel for the

University of Utah Drug and Alcohol

Summer Institute—Drug Endangered

Children. They shared their stories and

answered questions from the audience.

Grandparents Judy, Delia, Herb, Doug and

Aunt Karen along with the children in their

care for donating a day of their time to film

a Public Service Announcement for the

Grandfamilies Program. The PSA will run on

Comcast cable stations.

Jacci Graham

Program Director

From the Desk of Jacci Graham:

October, November & December 2010

Upcoming Grandfamilies Events

Autumn is a

second spring

when every leaf

is a flower.

~ Albert Camus

Grandfamilies First Twelve-Week

Information and Support Group for

Relatives as Parents

(Salt Lake County)

Tuesday, Sept 14—Nov 30, 2010

6:30—8:30 p.m.

Hal J. Shultz Head Start Facility

336 East 3900 South

Salt Lake City, 84115

RSVP: Emily Redd

801-326-4371

[email protected]

Grandfamilies First Twelve-Week

Information and Support Group for

Relatives as Parents

(Tooele County)

Monday, Sept 13—Nov 29, 2010

6:30—8:00 p.m.

Tooele Head Start Building

222 North Coleman Street

Tooele

RSVP: Anna-Lee Hernandez

801-326-4394

[email protected]

Friend 2 Friend

(Salt Lake & Tooele Counties)

Events and locations to be announced.

Informative Web Sites

www.parentsempowered.org

www.thetruth.com

www.thecoolspot.gov

www.drugfree.org

www.theantidrug.com

www.teens.drugabuse.gov

www.drug-rehab.org

www.cdc.gov/parents

www.guidance.group.com

www.familyfunshop.com


If you must use

an escape

ladder, be sure

everyone knows

how to use it.

Operation EDITH (Exit Drills In The Home)

Source: www.wvcert.org

Would your family know how to escape if

there was a fire in your home? A home

escape plan is a plan to get out of the home

safely in case of a fire or other disaster.

Every household member should know two

ways out of each room in case one is

blocked by fire, smoke, or damage of some

kind.

Here are some easy steps for you to follow

in making your plan:

1. Get your family together and draw a

simple floor plan of your home. You can

use the grid on page 4.

2. Plan two ways out of each room. The

first way out should be the door and the

second way out could be another door

or a window.

3. Make sure doors and windows can be

opened easily. In a two-story building,

plan your escape through a window

onto a roof or porch. If you must use an

escape ladder, be sure everyone knows

how to use it.

4. Choose a special meeting place for all

family members outside the home and

mark it on the floor plan. A meeting

place should be something that always

stays in the same place, such as a tree,

telephone pole, or a neighbor’s home.

5. Make sure everyone understands the

planned escape routes.

6. Install smoke detectors on each level of

the home and outside each sleeping

area and test them regularly. If you sleep

with bedroom doors closed, make sure

everyone can hear the smoke detectors.

7. Have a fire drill at least twice a year.

Have family members practice using

their second way out as well as their

primary route.

8. If you live in an apartment, use the

stairs. Never use an elevator in case of

any disaster. If anything blocks your exit,

close your apartment door and cover all

cracks where smoke could enter.

Telephone the fire department, even if

fire fighters are already at the building,

and tell them where you are. Wave a

sheet or towel from the window to help

fire fighters find you.

9. If you live in a manufactured or mobile

home, follow the same steps. Keep all

exits clear and install detectors on

interior walls.

Rules to Live By:

Keep calm, when in doubt, don’t panic

If you smell smoke, wake everyone

Close doors against smoke and heat—

test all doors for heat before opening

If your room is filled with smoke, stay low

to the floor where you can breath

Never enter a burning building

Assemble at the special meeting place

For additional training or information

contact your local fire departments

prevention department.


___________________________ Family Escape Plan

Meeting Place

Kitchen Bedroom

Bedroom Living Room


Over-the-Counter Drug Abuse

Source: www.theantidrug.com

Teens are abusing some over-the-counter

(OTC) drugs, such as cough and cold

remedies, to get high. Many of these

products are widely available and can be

purchased at supermarkets, drugstores, and

convenience stores. Many OTC drugs that

are intended to treat headaches, sinus

pressure, or cold/flu symptoms contain the

active ingredient dextromethorphan (DXM)

and are the ones that teens are using to get

high. When taken in high does, DXM can

produce a “high” feeling and can be

extremely dangerous in excessive amounts.

Over-the-counter drug abuse also occurs

with laxatives, diuretics, emetics, and diet

pills, as teens try to achieve an idealized

weight. Young people may start taking just a

few diet pills but then graduate to full

addiction and dependence. Ephedrine,

caffeine, and phenylpropranolamine are just

some of the dangerous and addictive

substances found in diet pills. Herbal,

sometimes referred to as “natural”, weight

loss products can be just as dangerous as

diet pills. All of these substances act as

stimulants to the nervous system and much

like speed, can have serious and potentially

fatal side effects.

Is your teen using OTC drugs to get high?

A recent study found that six percent of 12th

graders reported past year abuse of cough

or cold medicines to get high. That amounts

to about one in every sixteen high school

seniors.

Signs and symptoms of abuse may include:

Short-term effects—Impaired judgment,

nausea, loss of coordination, headache,

vomiting, loss of consciousness,

numbness of fingers and toes, abdominal

pain, irregular heartbeat, aches, seizures,

panic attacks, psychosis, euphoria, cold

flashes, dizziness, and diarrhea.

Long-term effects—Addiction,

restlessness, insomnia, high-blood

pressure, coma, or even death.

Where do teens get them?

In many parts of the country, teens can

easily buy OTC cough and cold remedies at

any supermarket, drugstore, or convenience

store where these products are sold. They

can also get them from home, or order them

over the Internet. And even if they do not

order OTC drugs online, they can surf the

Web to find information and videos on what

drugs to try and mix together.

How do teens abuse OTC drugs?

Teens take large doses to get high,

sometimes mixing these drugs with

prescription drugs, street drugs, or alcohol.

Some teens crush pills and snort them for an

intensified effect.

Could your teen overdose on OTC drugs?

Yes. The point at which teens may overdose

on OTC drugs varies depending on the

amount of the drugs they took, over what

time period, and if other drugs were mixed.

Some OTC drugs are weak and cause

minor distress, while others are very strong

and can cause more serious problems or

even death. If you suspect your teen has

overdosed on OTC drugs, take them to the

emergency room or call an ambulance

immediately for proper care and treatment

by a medical doctor.

Other drug and alcohol interactions

Mixing alcohol with certain medications can

cause nausea and vomiting, headaches,

drowsiness, fainting, and a loss of

coordination. It can put users at risk for

internal bleeding, heart problems, and

difficulties in breathing. Alcohol also can

decrease the effectiveness of many needed

medications or make them totally ineffective.

Before you or your teen take any

prescription or OTC medication, carefully

read the label, and/or consult with your

family physician or local pharmacist. And

never mix medications with alcohol. Parents

should set clear rules and consistently

enforce those rules against any underage

drinking.

In many parts of

the country, teens

can easily buy

OTC cough and

cold remedies at

any supermarket,

drugstore, or

convenience

store where these

products are sold.


Adults may not

always be present

in the online

environments of

children and

youth. Therefore,

it is extremely

important that

adults pay close

attention to

cyberbullying and

the activities of

children and

youth when using

these newer

technologies.

Cyberbullying

Source: www.stopbullyingnow.hrsa.gov

Bullying is aggressive behavior that is

intentional and involves an imbalance of

power or strength. Usually, it is repeated

over time. Traditionally, bullying has

involved actions such as: hitting or punching

(physical bullying), teasing or name calling

(verbal bullying), or intimidation through

gestures or social exclusion. In recent years,

technology has given children and youth a

new means of bullying each other.

Cyberbullying, which is sometimes referred

to as online social cruelty or electronic

bullying, has been defined as an aggressive,

intentional act carried out by a group of

individuals using electronic forms of contact,

repeatedly and over time against a victim

who cannot easily defend him or herself.

Cyberbullying can involve:

Sending mean, vulgar, or threatening

messages or images

Posting sensitive, private information and/

or lies about another person

Pretending to be someone else in order

to make that person look bad

Intentionally excluding someone from an

online group

Children and youth can cyberbully each

other through:

Emails

Instant messaging

Text or digital imaging messages sent on

cell phones

Social networking sites

Web pages

Blogs

Chat rooms or discussion groups

Other cyber technologies

Bullying via instant messaging appears to be

particularly prevalent.

How Does Cyberbullying Affect Children?

Little research has explored the possible

effects of Cyberbullying on children. When

students are asked how they believe

Cyberbullying affected them, they indicate

that it made them sad and unwilling to

attend school.

A survey of middle and high school students

found that children who were cyber “bully/

victims” (had cyberbullied others and also

been cyberbullied) had the highest rate of

anxiety, depression and school absences

compared to cyber “bullies”, cyber “victims”

and children who weren’t involved in

cyberbullying. By contrast, children not at all

involved in Cyberbullying had the highest

self-esteem and grades and the fewest

symptoms of health problems.

How Does Cyberbullying Differ From Other

Forms of Bullying?

Research and experience suggest that

cyberbullying may differ from more

“traditional” forms of bullying in a number

of ways, including:

Cyberbullying can occur any time of the

day or night

Cyberbullying messages and images can

be distributed quickly to a very wide

audience

Children and youth can be anonymous

when cyberbullying, which makes it

difficult (and sometimes impossible) to

trace

What Can Adults Do To Address and

Prevent Cyberbullying?

Adults may not always be present in the

online environments of children and youth.

Therefore, it is extremely important that

adults pay close attention to cyberbullying

and the activities of children and youth when

using these newer technologies. Here are

some actions parents can take to help

prevent cyberbullying:

Continued on page 7


Make an agreement with your children to

keep all internet capable devices out of

children’s bedrooms.

Talk regularly with your child about

online activities that he or she is involved

in using.

Talk specifically about cyberbullying and

encourage your child to tell you

immediately if he or she is the victim of

cyberbullying, cyberstaking, or other

illegal or troublesome online behavior.

Explain that you will not take away their

technology if they confide in you about a

problem they are having.

View the SBN! Campaign's Webisodes

( http://stopbullyingnow.hrs.gov/kids/

webisodes/default.aspx ) with your child

and discuss in particular Webisode 5 that

addresses cyberbullying.

Encourage your child to tell you if he or

she is aware of others who may be the

victim of cyberbullying.

Explain that cyberbullying is harmful and

unacceptable behavior. Outline your

expectations for responsible online

behavior and make it clear that there will

be consequences for inappropriate

behavior. Explain that treating others well

online may also protect them from being

harassed or cyberbullied.

Because cyberbullying can range from rude

comments to lies, impersonations, and

threats, your responses may depend on the

nature and severity of the cyberbullying.

Here are some actions that you may want to

take after-the-fact.

Strongly encourage your child not to

respond to the cyberbullying.

Do not erase the messages or pictures.

Same them as evidence.

Try to identify the individual doing the

cyberbullying. Even if the cyberbully is

anonymous (e.g., is using a fake name or

someone else’s identity) there may be a

way to track them through your Internet

Service Provider. If the cyberbullying is

criminal (or if you suspect that it may be),

contact the police and ask them to do the

tracking. Jurisdictions and states differ in

their definitions of what constitutes

criminal behavior, but the following may

constitute a crime:

Threat of violence

Extortion

Obscene or harassing phone calls

or text messages

Harassment, stalking, or hate crimes

Child pornography

Sexual exploitation

Taking a photo image of someone

in a place where he or she would

expect privacy

Sending inappropriate language may

violate the “Terms and Conditions” of

email services, Internet Service Providers,

Web sites, and cell phone companies.

Consider contacting these providers and

filing a complaint.

If the cyberbullying is coming through

email or a cell phone, it may be possible

to block future contact from the

cyberbully. Of course, the cyberbully may

assume a different identity and continue

the cyberbullying.

Contact your school. If the cyberbullying

is occurring through your school district’s

Internet system, school administrators

have an obligation to intervene. Even if

the cyberbullying is occurring off campus,

make the school administrators aware of

the problem. They may be able to help

you resolve the cyberbullying or be

watchful for face-to-face bullying.

Consider contacting the cyberbully’s

parents. These parents may be very

concerned to learn that their child has

been cyberbullying others, and they may

effectively put a stop to the bullying. On

the other hand, these parents may react

negatively to your

Continued from page 6

Cyberbullying

If the

cyberbullying is

occurring through

your school

district’s Internet

system, school

administrators

have an

obligation to

intervene.

Continued on page 8


contacting them. So, proceed cautiously.

If you decide to contact a cyberbully’s

parents, communicate with them in

writing—not face-to-face. Present proof

of the cyberbullying (e.g., copies of an

email message) and ask them to make

sure the cyberbullying stops.

Consider contacting an attorney in cases

of serious cyberbullying. In some

circumstances, civil law permits victims to

sue a bully or his or her parents in order

to recover damages.

Contact the police if cyberbullying

involves acts such as:

Threat of violence

Extortion

Obscene or harassing phone calls

or text messages

Harassment, stalking, or hate crimes

Child pornography

Sexual exploitation

Taking a photo image of someone

in a place where he or she would

expect privacy

If you are uncertain if cyberbullying violates

your jurisdiction’s criminal laws, contact your

local police, who will advise you.

Continued from page 7

Cyberbullying

If you are

uncertain if

cyberbullying

violates your

jurisdiction’s

criminal laws,

contact your local

police, who will

advice you.

Losing Sleep Over Late-Night Texting

Source: www.guidance-group.com

It is well known that teenagers don’t get

enough sleep. Alarmingly, according to a

2005 National Sleep Foundation poll, “only

one-fifth of adolescents sleep an optimal

nine hours on school nights.” While tiredness

is something we can all relate to, one of the

causes of teen sleep deprivation is somewhat

unique: late night texting. As this government

article reports, “Nearly a quarter of teens in

a relationship have communicated with a

boyfriend or girlfriend hourly between

midnight and 5 a.m. via cell phone or

texting,” while others happily engage in

casual late-night conversations with friends.

Perhaps because of the increasing demands

on teenagers today, with school,

extracurricular activities and homework, they

find that they can only cram social fun in to

the wee hours. More likely texting has

become just another example of social

media creeping into our lives, or in this case,

our beds.

Some advice offered to parents to tackle this

trend:

Require your teens to turn off phones at

bedtime.

Keep phones and devices out of

bedrooms altogether.

Go through the bill to make sure that

rules are being followed.

And, if all else fails, block text-messaging

altogether.

… texting has

become just

another example

of social media

creeping into our

lives, or in this

case, our beds.


Pulling Together

Source: www.FamilyFun.com

No benchwarmers are allowed in this

building game where family members use a

hair-tie lasso to stack towers of cans and

boxes.

What you need:

1 large ponytail holder

12-inch lengths of string or yarn (one

per player)

Small cans or boxes

How to play:

1. To make your lasso, tie 12-inch

lengths of string or yarn, one per

player, to a single large ponytail

holder.

2. Players sit in a circle, each holding their

string taut, then work together to stretch

the holder so that it encircles a small

can or box. They then lift the object and

stack it on top of another, trying to

create the highest tower they can. Our

testers liked stacking cat food cans,

small boxes, and even stuffed

animals—nothing too heavy!

Body English

Source: www.FamilyFun.com

This fun physical challenge tests your

spelling skills and your flexibility, and makes

a great activity for kids during Thanksgiving

and Christmas get-togethers.

What you need:

4+ players

How to play:

1. Divide players into two groups, then

have the groups take turns using their

bodies (no had signals or signs

allowed) to spell out words for the

opposing team to decipher.

2. Start with simple, holiday-related words

such as pie or thanks, then move on to

longer words or phrases as the group’s

skills improve.


Game rules and

puzzle-solving

strategies follow

repetitive patterns.

That repetition

builds confidence,

since kids know

what to expect.

Solving the Puzzle: Why do Kids Love Puzzles?

By: Istar Schwager, Ph.D. Source: www.highlightsparents.com

When my son was young, it seemed as if all

he wanted to do was solve puzzles. He also

loved matching games, word searches,

follow-the-dots, and codes. All problem-

solving activities fascinated him, but for long

stretches of time, puzzles ruled. I became

fascinated with why my son and other kids

found puzzles so rewarding. What I

discovered was that there is a strong

connection between brain development and

the problem-solving skills used to solve

puzzles.

As kids grow, they acquire new skills that

need to be practiced. Puzzles provide

enjoyable ways for kids to build their

emerging skills. With puzzles, the goal is

clear and the feedback immediate; a puzzle

piece either fits or doesn’t. Because puzzles

are fun, kids will persist and discover that

sticking to a task pays off. They feel an

enormous sense of accomplishment when

they’ve achieved their goal. Seeing the

tangible results of mastering a new skill

builds confidence to take on the next

challenge. So it’s not really so puzzling why

kids love puzzles.

Here are some of the specific skills kids are

developing and how puzzles “fit the picture.”

Seeing Similarities

Matching activities help kids note

similarities, which in turn enable them to

generalize. When kids notice which

puzzle piece fits in a particular place or

recognize that an “M” and an “m” are

related, they are learning how things can

be grouped into categories.

Seeing Differences

Making distinctions is another basic

cognitive ability. When kids recognize

that a puzzle piece is the wrong shape or

too big, they are seeing what does and

doesn’t belong in a category. In a Hidden

Pictures® puzzle, kids are challenged to

observe closely and note details as they

hunt for objects positioned in different

directions and embedded in a complex

picture. This skill is important when kids

are learning to read and need to see

subtle distinctions between letter forms,

such as a d and a b.

Sequencing

Sometimes, order matters. Young kids are

just beginning to understand that the days

or the week or the pages of a book are

sequencing practice with a great payoff. If

you connect the dots in order, a picture

appears!

Seeing Patterns

Seeing a pattern helps kids predict what’s

next. The ability to recognize and create

patterns is essential in math, reading, and

science. Working puzzles and playing

games with repetitive rules and

procedures provide a hands-on way for

kids to practice recognizing and

remembering patterns. As they play, kids

use what they know to anticipate what

follows. Game rules and puzzle-solving

strategies follow repetitive patterns. That

repetition builds confidence, since kids

know what to expect.

It was illuminating to look into the question

of why kids are so drawn to puzzles. The

answer is that they give kids a fun way to

practice emerging skills, master new ones,

and develop a “can-do” attitude when faced

with new challenges.


If we end up so

frazzled, irritable,

and exhausted

during the

holidays that we

hardly enjoy

them, what

message are we

sending to

our kids?

Getting Through the Holidays One Day at a Time

By: Istar Schwager, Ph.D. Source: www.highlightsparents.com

With October here, can November and

December be far behind? If you face this

time of year with a mix of delight and dread,

you are one of millions of parents who wish

there were some way to hold on to the

holiday spirit but eliminate the pressures of

this season. Here are some suggestions for

surviving to January:

Reconsider Your Expectations

What makes this season daunting for so

many of us? Experts say the stress comes

from the unrealistic expectations we place

on ourselves and our families. Those

Norman Rockwell paintings and holiday TV

specials have imprinted images of what’s

“suppose to be.” Expectations have their

place, and there’s nothing wrong with

striving for family togetherness or wanting to

create joy-filled memories; but let’s not

forget that images of perfect holiday

happiness are often fantasies. Those picture-

book scenes may well have been created by

people working late at night and far from

home, longing for the ideal family that only

existed in their imaginations.

Remember That Every Family Is Different

You may wish your family was a “complete

deck, “ but most aren’t. the holidays often

bring up a lot of emotion about who’s

missing—and, let’s face it, sometimes about

who’s present! Instead of comparing your

family to other families, find ways to

appreciate the uniqueness of the family and

friends who are part of your life.

Celebrate in Your Own Way

When it comes to the holidays, one size

doesn’t fit all. While traditions can be

wonderful, and children enjoy the

anticipation of the familiar, it can become

destructive to get so hung up on maintaining

family rituals that you lose sight of the bigger

picture. Just because your parents

celebrated a certain way or you did

something last year doesn’t mean that you

need to maintain the same routines forever.

Flexibility and spontaneity bring their own

rewards.

Remember What Really Counts

If we end up so frazzled, irritable, and

exhausted during the holidays that we hardly

enjoy them, what message are we sending

to our kids? We owe it to ourselves to take a

good look at the activities that contribute to

our stress. Can we buy cookies from the

store rather than bake them ourselves? Do

we absolutely have to send out holiday cards

during the most demanding time of year? If

you're too busy to send holiday greetings,

wait until after the holidays to get in touch.

Postpone whatever isn’t essential, keep your

sense of humor, and find your own way to

enjoy the season . . . one day at a time.


Grandfamilies is funded by:

Children’s Trust Fund

Division of Child & Family Services

Frances W. Burton

George S. & Dolores Dore Eccles

Kennecott Utah Copper

LONG Building Technologies Endowment

Marriner Eccles Foundation

R. Harold Burton Foundation

Ruth Eleanor & John Ernest Bamberger

Salt Lake County Substance Abuse Prevention

Sterling & Shelli Gardner

The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints

United Way of Salt Lake

124 South 400 East, Suite 400

Salt Lake City, Utah 84111

801-326-4409

www.cssutah.org/grandfamilies

Thank You

By: Anna-Lee Hernandez

Grandfamilies would like to thank the West

Valley City Fire Department for hosting our

September Friend 2 Friend activity and,

South Salt Lake Fire Department for

providing the Fire Safety House.

Fire Chief John Evans and his firefighters did

a wonderful job showing our families how to

be safe in a fire situation. Participants were

able to go through the Fire Safety House to

learn how to use a fire extinguisher and how

to stop, drop and roll.

We learned about the fire trucks and how the

firefighters use the equipment to put out fires

and help people in need.

The firefighters were terrific and we really

appreciate them taking the time out of their

busy schedules to talk to us about fire safety.

If you are behind on your mortgage

payment we may be able to help. Don’t get

scammed.

SLCAP Homeownership Center is a HUD

approved housing counseling agency.

Our services are free of charge. We offer

services that can help you with:

Pre-purchase counseling

Post-purchase training

Foreclosure Prevention/Loss

Mitigation Counseling

Reverse Mortgage Counseling

Call SLCAP Homeownership Center

801-214-3197

Email: [email protected]

SLCAP Homeownership Center

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