We found a fresher in his boxers on the roof of Guy’s Tower, and asked him his thoughts on GKT RAG:

Just 12 months ago I was I’m ashamed to say that I was in a terrible place. It happened gradually, which was why I never noticed, and by the time I finally did it was too late. I had become sober.

I think the real low point for me was when I found m y s e l f d o i n g A - l e v e l chemistry revision on a Friday night. Thankfully since coming to GKT I was lucky enough to join a brilliant support group called ‘GKT RAG’.

W i t h t h e i r 1 2 s t e p programme I was able to ease myself back into a solid routine of inebriation and debauchery. With events such as pub golf, and their weekend re t rea t t i t led ‘Raid’, I was able to meet like minded people and immerse myself back into

the joy of waking up on park benches with no recollection of how you got there. I’m now happy to say that I am back into my drinking and am currently in a bracket that doctors classify as “ regula r ly exceeds an unhealthy amount”. I really have RAG to thank for this drastic improvement in my life! Without RAG who knows what would have happened to me. (I would p r o b a b l y b e a t h o m e watching OSCE videos on YouTube to prepare for my second year.)

All of this RAG activity has recently come to a climax with RAG week - an entire w e e k d e d i c a t e d t o everything the programme stands for. It’s not all been smooth sailing though; a number of my colleagues committed the most serious crime imaginable (failure to RAG). They were then taken by Hit Squad for some brutal re-education. But I’m happy to say they are now back on track.

If you have any doubts or concerns I urge you to join up and see for yourself how good life can be with a little support from this fantastic association. No one should have to suffer the pains of sobriety alone and RAG is all the help you could ever n e e d t o r e c l a i m y o u r drunken depravity.

Also I’ve heard that at the same time you raise money for charity. Which is also pretty good too I guess. And if that wasn’t enough, I’ve been selected to take part in s o m e t h i n g c a l l e d ‘Endurance’, whatever that is. It sounds fun though!

RAG WEEK - NOT SHITThe News in Brief

News has reached the students of Guys about the future plans to expand the Strand Campus by 50%. It has been rumoured that every excavation crew in London has been cal led in to further expand the gaping hole.

After yet another tragic airline disaster, questions have been r a i s e d a b o u t t h e safety protocols in place. One prominent e x p e r t c o m p a r e d getting a pilot licence in Malaysia to “getting a medical degree from Bart’s.”

T h i s y e a r ' s M S A elections have been mired in scandal, with MSA elections have been mired in scandal year's MSA elections have been mired in scandal year's MSA elections have been m i red i n scanda l year's MSA elections have been mired in scandal year's MSA elections have been m i red i n scanda l year's MSA elections have been mired in scandal.[Sorry! Ed.]

GKT BARLabora dure, lude durius 25th March, 2015The “Win Back Macadam” Edition

The

Dear Mama Christodoulou,

I plucked up the courage to appear on this year’s GKTake Me Out, hoping to find a sweet, intelligent woman to share my life with. However all they did was take the piss out of my clothes, and all thirty of them rejected me! If they don’t want me, who will? Mortified, Monument

The women of GKT are ferocious at the best of times. But put them in a pack of 30, lubricate their social inhibition with large bottles of Lambrini, and stick them in front of a 450-strong audience; the feistiness reaches new levels. You also shouldn’t have kicked a football into one of their faces. Mama x Motto of the Month:

Regum est foramen StrandDo you have something to report? Want to see your story in The Bar? Email us at gktbar@gmail.com

Fig. 1 - A visual metaphor for the state of the GKT

RAG freshers after…

THE GKT BAR - 25TH MARCH 2015

A GUIDE TO THE GKT SONGSSPORTS TEAMS OF KING’S LONDON:

In (what we assume to be) a highly satirical and genuinely moving (for the Banov Grade IV butthurt displayed) article entitled ‘Medics are the Worst People at Uni,’ the student ‘newspaper’ The King’s Tab took umbrage with the perceived elitism and cliquery displayed by the representatives of Guy’s, King’s and St. Thomas’ Hospitals (the finest hospitals in the world). Particularly, some believe that our chants and songs suggest “medics believe they are part of some elite club.”

Nothing could be further from the truth: although many medics are part of elite clubs (see: the St. Thomas’ Hospital Croquet Society) - there are some medics that choose to play sport for KCL sports teams by choice!

In an effort to allay those fears, The Bar has put together a guide to the various songs and chants taken up by the Guy’s faithful in an effort to promote inter-campus harmony and increase

I Don’t Want To Go To Mary’s

An affectionate and light-hearted exploration of the vagaries of the UCAS form; it elucidates the reasons that GKT undergraduates discarded our London peers from their choice of medical school, giving reasons such as the inherent tediousness of one institution and the chronic masturbators making up the cohort of another.

However, perhaps the line in this that resonates so strongly is the exhortation that “King’s is a hole in the Strand!” Whilst this may appear defamatory at first glance, those who have taken Dr. Alastair Hunter’s compulsory MBBS module ‘Anatomy and Architecture – C o m p a r i n g t h e S u s p e n s o r y Ligaments of Cooper with the

Clifton Suspension Bridge’ (in Phase 2, for all you eager first-year beavers!) will appreciate the trenchant architectural criticism of the KCL’s Strand bui ldings , particularly in conjunction with the neo-classical grandeur of Somerset House (did we mention the Law School is now called the Dickson Poon School of Law. Dickson. Poon.)

There’s also that bit about curry – who doesn’t love curry?!

(A Guy’s classic – seriously, if you don’t know the words by now gin yourself, then go and learn them post haste!)

The Wreck of the Sloop John B

An affectionate and light-hearted ditty adapted from a Bajan folk song. Notable for the refrain, a wistful desire to return to St. Thomas’ Hospital (one of the finest hospitals in the world). Apart from that, not entirely sure why it’s so popular but the hockey and rugby lot seem to like it. See also: Sweet Molly Malone.

You’ll Never Get a Job

An affectionate and light-hearted mockery of David Cameron’s promise that “We’re all in this together.” By pointing out the difficulty of the graduate job market in a devil-may-care, satirical manner we express solidarity with our Strandie fellows; as The Tab opines “[due] the huge budget cuts the NHS is currently facing, as well as w i d e s p re a d p r i v a t i s a t i o n … ironically, maybe it’s you medics who will never get a job.” (edited for grammar).

Run-on sentences aside, we agree with the sentiment as (according to the BMA) only 96.3% of medical graduates were guaranteed a job in 2014 and we appreciate that at least some King’s students are concerned a b o u t t h e p r o b l e m s o f

oversubscription to the Foundation Programme. We promise to take the same interest in Student Council’s efforts to unilaterally bring peace to the Middle East by banning everything/anything/popular music/cured meats from Israel/Palestine/Iran/Bosnia and Herzegovina (delete as appropriate).

Added advantage: effectively reuses the tune of You’ll Never Win Macadam after KCLSU made us lose one to stop the Strandies from crying every year (it was getting embarrassing…)

On the north-west coast of Antarctica…

An affectionate and light-hearted Not affectionate or light-hearted at all – ask a GKT Footballer to sing their anthem if you wish to be both shocked and appalled.

RUMS are scums

A song that encapsulates the feelings of an entire medical school in 3 short words. The original melody was said to be the most beautiful tune known to mankind; but was sadly lost in the tragic Mascotry Wars of the 1920s. No tune has ever lived up to the original and so the song is now delivered as an atonal chant as a mark of respect.

Let’s All Boycott Guy’s Bar! Na na na na HEY!

An affectionate and light-hearted chant encouraging---- [That’s enough songs. Ed.]

“HAHAHAHA FORMER GKT PATIENT LOLOLOLOL AHA LOL”

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