franz kafka - the blue octavo notebooks (1917-19) - google docs

8/20/2019 Franz Kafka - The Blue Octavo Notebooks (1917-19) - Google Docs

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Eight Octavo Notebooks

Franz Kafka

The First Octavo Notebook

E V E RY O N E C A R R I E S a r o o m a b o u t i n s id e , h i m . T h i s . f a c t c a n e v e n b e

p r o v e d b y m e a n s o f t h e s e n s e o f h e a r i n g . I f s o m e o n e w a l k s f a s t a n d

o ne p ri cks u p o ne' s e ars an d l is te ns , s ay in t he ni ght , w hen

e v e ry t h i ng r o u n d a b o u t i s q u i et , o n e h e a r s , f o r i n s ta n c e, t h e r a t t l i ng

of a mirror not quite firmly fastened to the wall.

H e s t a nd s w i t h c h e s t s u n k e n, s h o u ld e r s f o r w a r d, a r m s d a n g l in g , ' f e e t

t h a t c a n s c a r c e l y b e p i c k e d u p , h i s g a z e f i x e d i n a s t a r e o n o n e s p o t . A

s t ok e r. H e s h ov e ls u p c o al a nd f l in g s i t i n to t h e f u r n ac e , t h e o p en i ng

fu ll o f f la mes . A c hil d h as c ome s te al ing th ro ug h th e tw ent y


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c o ur t ya r ds o f t h e f a ct o ry a n d t u g s a t h i s a p ro n . " F a th e r, " i t s a ys , " I ' ve

brought you your soup."

I s i t w ar me r h er e t ha n d ow n o n t he w in tr y e ar th ? H ow w hi te i t

t o w e r s a l l a r o u n d , m y c o a l b u c k e t t h e o n l y t h i n g t h a t ' s d a r k . I f I w a s h i g h u p b e f o r e , n o w I a m f a r d o w n , a n d g a z i n g u p a t t h e h i l l s a l m o s t

d i sl o ca t es m y n e ck . W h it e , f r oz e n p l ai ns o f i c e, s t re a ke d i n to s l ic e s

h er e a nd t he re b y t he t ra ck s o f s ka te rs s in ce d is ap pe ar ed . O n t he

h i g h s n o w , w h i c h d o e s n ' t g i v e m o r e t h a n a n i n c h , I f o l l o w t h e t r a c k s

o f t he s ma ll a rc ti c d og s. M y r id in g h as l os t a ll m ea ni ng , I h av e

dismounted and am carrying the coal scuttle on my shoulder.

[50]

V. W.

M y h ea rt fe lt t ha nk s f or t he B ee th ov en b oo k. I a m b eg in ni ng t he

S c h op e n h au e r t o d a y. W h a t a n a c h ie v e m en t h i s b o o k i s . I t i s d e v o u tl y

t o b e h op ed t ha t, w it h y ou r s o u tt er ly d el ic at e h an d, w it h y ou r s o

u t t er l y i n t en s e v i s i on o f t r u e r e a li t y , w i t h , t h e d i s c i p l in e d a n d m i g h t y

u nd er gr ou nd f ir e o f y ou r p oe ti c n at ur e, w it h y ou r f an ta st ic al ly

e x te n si v e k n ow l ed g e, y o u w i ll r a is e y e t m o r e s u ch m o nu m en ts — to

my unspeakable joy.

O l d, i n t h e f u ll n es s o f t h e f l e sh , s u ff e ri ng s l ig h t p a l p it a ti o ns , I w a s l yi ng o n t he s of a a ft er h un ch , o ne f oo t o n t he f lo or , a nd r ea di ng a

h is to ri ca l w or k. T he m ai d c am e a nd , w it h t wo f in ge rs l ai d o n h er

pursed lips, announced a Visitor.

" W h o i s i t ? " I a s k e d , i r r i t a t e d a t h a v i n g t o e n t e r t a i n a v i s i t o r a t a t i m e

when I was expecting my afternoon coffee.

" A C h i na m a n, " t h e m a i d s a i d a n d , t u r n i ng c o n v ul s i v el y , s u p p r e s se d a

laugh that the visitor outside the door was not supposed to hear.

"A Chinese? To see me? I s he in Chinese dress? "

The maid nodded, still struggling with the desire to laugh.

" Te ll h im m y n am e, a sk i f I a m r ea ll y t he p er so n h e w an ts t o s ee ,

un kno wn as I a m ev en to th e p eo pl e nex t d oo r, an d h ow v er y

unknown then in China."

T h e m a i d t i p t o e d o v e r t o m e a n d w h i s p e r e d : " H e h a s o n l y a v i s i t i n g

c a r d , i t s a y s o n i t t h a t h e a s k s t o b e a d m i t t e d . H e c a n ' t t a l k G e r m a n a t


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a l l, h e t a lk s s o me i n ‐ c o mp r eh e ns i bl e l a ng u ag e . I w a s f r i gh t en e d t o

take the card away from him."

" L et ' h im c o me ! " I e x cl a im e d, i n t h e a g it at i on t h at m y h e ar t t r o u bl e

o f te n b r in g s o n , f l in g in g t h e b o o k t o t h e f l o o r, a n d c u r si n g t h e m a id

f o r h e r a w kw a rd n es s . [ 5 1] S t an d in g u p a n d s t re t ch i ng m y g i ga n ti c

fo rm, w hic h c oul d no t fa il to be a s ho ck to a ny vi sit or i n th is

l o w‐ c ei l in g ed r o om , I w e nt t o t h e d o o r. A n d i n f a ct , t h e C h in e se h a d

n o s o o n e r s e t e y e s o n m e t h a n h e f l i t t e d s t r a i g h t o u t a g a i n . I m e r e l y

r ea ch ed o ut i nt o t he p as sa ge a nd c ar ef ul ly p ul le d t he m an b ac k

i ns i de b y h i s s i lk e n b e lt . H e w a s o b v io u sl y a s c ho l ar , s m al l , w e a k ly ,

w ea ri ng h or n‐ ri mm ed s pe ct ac le s, a nd w it h a t hi n, g ri zz le d, s ti ff

g o at e e. A n a m ia b le m a nn i ki n , h i s h e ad i n cl i ne d t o o n e s i de , s m il i ng ,

with half‐closed eyes.

T h e a d vo c at e D r . B u ce p ha l us s e nt f o r h i s h o us e ke e pe r o n e m o rn i ng w he n h e w as s ti ll i n b ed a nd s ai d t o h er : " To da y t h e g r ea t h e ar in g

b eg in s i n t he c as e o f m y b ro th er B uc ep ha lu s a ga in st t he f ir m o f

T r o l l h ä t t a . I a m a p p e a r i n g f o r t h e p l a i n t i f f , a n d s i n c e t h e t r i a l w i l l l a s t

f o r s e v e ra l d a ys a t l e as t , a n d , w h at ' s m o re , w i th o ut a n y r e a l b re a k, I

s h a l l n o t b e c o m i n g h o m e a t a l l f o r t h e n e x t f e w d a y s . A s s o o n a s t h e

c as e i s f in is he d, o r t he re i s a p ro sp ec t o f i ts b ei ng f in is he d, I s ha ll

t e l e p h o n e y o u . M o r e I c a n ' t s a y a t t h e m o m e n t , n o r c a n I a n s w e r t h e

s l i g ht e s t q u e st i o n, s i n ce o f c o u r se I m u s t c o n c e nt r a te o n p r e s e r v i ng

t he f ul l s tr en gt h o f m y v oi ce . F o r t hi s r e a so n w i l l y o u b ri ng m e t w o

r a w e g g s a n d t e a w i t h h o n e y f o r m y b r e a k f a s t ? " A n d , s l o w l y s i n k i n g back on his pillows, his hand over his eyes, he fell silent.

T h e c h at t er bo x o f a h o us e ke e pe r , w h o w a s a t a n y m o m e nt p r ep a re d

t o d i e o f f r ig h t i n h e r m a st e r' s p r es e nc e , w a s g r ea t ly t a ke n a b a ck . S o

s ud de nl y h ad s uc h e xt ra or di na ry i ns tr uc ti on s c om e. O nl y t he

e ve ni ng b ef or e, t he m as te r h ad b ee n t al ki ng t o h er , b ut w it ho ut

g i v i n g a n y h i n t o f w h a t w a s t o c o m e . S u r e l y t h e t i m e o f t h e t r i a l c o u l d

n ot h av e b ee n f ix ed d ur in g t he n ig ht ? A nd w er e t he re c as es t ha t

w e n t o n f o r d a y s w i t h o u t a b r e a k ? A n d w h y d i d t h e m a s t e r m e n t i o n

t h e n a m e s o f t h e p a r t i e s i n [ 5 2 ] t h e c a s e , w h i c h h e n e v e r t o l d h e r a t

any o the r t im e? A nd w ha t s or t o f tr em en do us ca se co ul d t he m a st e r' s b r ot h er h a ve , t h at s m al l g r ee ng r oc e r A d ol f B u ce p ha l us ,

w i th w h om , i n ci d en ta l ly , t h e m a st e r h a d n o t b ee n o n g o od t e rm s f o r

qu it e a l ong ti me ? An d wa s it in k ee ping w it h th e inc red ibl e

e x e r t i o n s c o n f r o n t i n g t h e m a s t e r t h a t h e s h o u l d n o w b e l y i n g i n b e d

s o w ea ri ly a nd k ee pi ng h is h an d o ve r h is f ac e, w hi ch , i f t he e ar ly

m or ni ng l ig ht w as n ot d ec ep ti ve , w as s om eh ow h ag ga rd ? A nd h e


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w an te d o nl y t ea a nd e gg s b ro ug ht h im , a nd n ot a ls o, a s a t o th er

t im es , a l it tl e w in e, a nd h am , i n o rd er t o r es to re h is v it al e ne rg ie s

c o mp l et e ly ? W i th s u ch t h ou g ht s t h e h o us e ke e pe r w i th d re w t o t h e

k it ch en , s at d ow n j us t f or a l it tl e w hi le i n h er f av or it e p la ce a t t he

w i n do w , n e a r t h e f l o w e r s a n d t h e c a n ar y , g l a n c e d o v e r a t t h e f a r s i d e

o f t he c ou rt , w he re t wo c hi ld re n w er e r om pi ng a nd w re st li ng t o ge t he r , h a lf n a ke d , b e hi n d a b a rr e d w i nd o w, t h en t u rn e d a w ay ,

s ig hi ng , p ou re d o ut t he t ea , f et ch ed t wo e gg s o ut o f t he l ar de r,

a r ra n ge d e v er y th i ng o n a t r ay , c o ul d n o t b r i ng h e rs e lf n o t t o t a ke t h e

b o t t l e o f w i n e t o o , a s a b e n e f i c e n t t e m p t a t i o n , a n d t o o k i t a l l a l o n g t o

the bedroom.

T he r oo m w as e mp ty . W ha t, s ur el y t he m as te r h ad n ot g on e? H e

could surely not have dressed inside one minute? But his

u n d e r c l o t h e s a n d h i s s u i t w e r e n o w h e r e t o b e s e e n . W h a t o n e a r t h i s

t h e m a t te r w i th t h e m a s t er ? Q u ic k , i nt o t h e h a l l ! C o at , h a t, a n d s t i c k

h a v e g o n e , t o o . T o t h e w i n d o w ! I n h e a v e n ' s n a m e , t h e r e i s t h e m a s t e r

w a l k i n g o u t o f t h e f r o n t d o o r , h i s h a t o n t h e b a c k o f h i s h e a d , h i s c o a t

o p en , c l ut c hi n g h i s b r ie f ca s e, h i s s t ic k h a ng i ng b y t h e c r oo k f r o m a

pocket of his coat.

Y ou k no w t he T ro ca dé ro i n P ar is ? I n t ha t b ui ld in g, t he e xt en t o f

w h ic h y o u c a nn o t p o ss i bl y i m ag i ne f r om p h ot o gr a ph s o f i t , t h e m a i n

h e a r i n g i n a g r e a t l a w s u i t i s [ 5 3 ] g o i n g o n a t t h i s v e r y m o m e n t . Y o u

m a y w o n d e r h o w i t i s p o s s i b l e t o h e a t s u c h a b u i l d i n g a d e q u a t e l y i n

t h is f r ig h tf u l w i n t er . I t i s n o t h e a t ed . T o s t ar t b y t h in k in g o f h e at i ng i n s uc h a c as e i s s om et hi ng p eo pl e c an d o o nl y i n t h e p re tt y l it tl e

c o u n t r y t o w n w h e r e y o u s p e n d y o u r l i f e . T h e T r o c a d é r o i s n o t b e i n g

h e at e d, b u t t h is d o es n o t i n t er f er e w i t h t h e p r o gr e ss o f t h e c a s e; o n

t h e c o nt r ar y , i n t h e m i ds t o f t h is c o ld , w h i c h r a di a te s u p a n d d o w n

f r o m a l l s i d e s , l i t i g a t i o n i s g o i n g o n a t e x a c t l y t h e s a m e p a c e , t h i s w a y

and that, lengthwise and across.

Y e s t e r d a y I w a s v i s i t e d b y a s w o o n . S h e l i v e s i n t h e h o u s e n e x t d o o r ;

I h a ve q u it e o f te n s e en h e r d i sa p pe a ri n g t h ro u gh t h e l o w g a t ew a y,

b e n t d o w n , i n t h e e v e n i n g s . A t a l l l a d y i n . a l o n g f l o w i n g d r e s s a n d a

b r oa d ‐b r im m ed h a t w i th f e at h er s o n i t . V e ry h a st i ly w i th r u st l in g

s ki rt s, s he c am e i n t hr ou gh m y d oo r, l ik e a d oc to r w ho 's a fr ai d h e

has come too late to a patient whose life is flickering out.

" Ant on," s he e xc lai me d i n a h ol lo w v oi ce th at y et ra ng w it h

self‐pride, "I come, I am here!"


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She dropped into the chair at which I pointed.

"How high up you live, how high up‐ you live," she said, moaning.

H u dd l ed i n m y a r mc h ai r , I n o dd e d. I n nu m er a bl e , t h e s t a ir s l e ad i ng

u p t o m y r o om s h o pp e d b e fo r e m y e y es , o n e a f t e r t he o t h e r, t i r el e ss

'little waves.

" Wh y s o c ol d? " s he a sk ed , p ul li ng o ff h er l on g, o ld f en ci ng g lo ve s,

throwing them on the table, and, her head inclined, blinked at me.

I f e l t a s i f I w e r e a s p a r r o w , p r a c t i c i n g m y j u m p s o n t h e s t e p , a n d s h e

were ruffling my soft, fluffy gray feathers.

" I ' m s o r r y f r o m t h e b o t t o m o f m y h e a r t t h a t y o u h a v e b e e n p i n i n g f o r

m e . I h a v e o f t e n l o o k e d w i t h g e n u i n e s a d n e s s a t y o u r c a r e w o r n f a c e ,

w he n y ou w er e s ta nd in g i n [ 55 ] t he c ou rt ya rd , g az in g u p a t m y

w i n d o w . W e l l , I a m n o t u n f a v o r a b l y i n c l i n e d t o y o u , a n d t h o u g h y o u

may not yet have won my heart, you have a good chance of doing so."

T o w h a t i n d if f e re n c e p e o p l e m a y c o m e , t o w h a t p r o f o u nd c o n v i c t io n

of having lost the right track for ever.

A mistake . I t w a s n o t m y d o o r , u p t h e r e i n t h e l o n g c o r r i d o r , t h a t . I

o p en e d. " A m i s t ak e ," I s a id a n d w a s o n t h e p o i nt o f g o i n g o u t a g a i n.

T h en I s a w t h e o c cu p an t , a g a un t , b e a r dl e ss m a n w i t h c o m pr e ss e d

lips, sitting at a little table on which there was only an oil lamp.

I n o u r h o us e , t h i s i m me n se b u il d in g i n a n o u te r s u bu r b, a t e ne m en t

h ou se t he f ab ri c o f w hi ch i s i nt er sp er se d w it h i nd es tr uc ti bl e

m e di e va l r u in s , t h e f o ll o wi n g m a ni f es t o w a s d i st r ib u te d t o da y , o n

this foggy, icy winter morning.

To all my fellow, lodgers:

I am in p oss es si on o f f iv e to y ri fl es. T he y a re h ang ing in my

w a r d r o b e , o n e o n e a c h h o o k . T h e f i r s t b e l o n g s t o m e , a n d t h e o t h e r s

c an b e c la im ed b y a ny on e w ho w is he s t o s en d i n h is n am e. I f m o r e t h a n f o u r p e o p l e s e n d i n t h e i r n a m es , t h e s u p e rn u m er a r y c l a i m an t s

m us t b ri ng t he ir o wn r if le s w it h t he m a nd d ep os it t he m i n m y

w a rd r ob e . F o r u n if o rm i ty m u st b e m a in ta i ne d ; w i th o ut u n if o rm i ty

w e s h al l g e t n o wh e re . I n ci d en t al l y, I h a ve o n ly r i fl e s t h at a r e q u it e

u s el e ss f o r a ny o t he r p u rp o se , t h e m e ch a ni s m i s b r ok e n, t h e c o rk s

h a ve g o t t o rn o f f, o n ly t h e c o c ks s t il l c l i c k. S o i t w i ll n o t b e d i ff i cu l t,

sh ou ld it p ro ve ne ce ssa ry , to p ro vid e mo re su ch r if les . B ut


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f un da me nt al ly I a m p re pa re d, f or a s ta rt , t o a cc ep t e ve n p eo pl e

w i th o ut r i fl e s. A t t h e d e ci s iv e m o me n t w e w h o h a ve r i fl e s w i l l g r o u p

o u r s el v e s r o u nd t h o s e w h o a r e u n a rm e d . W h y s h o u l d n o t t a c ti c s t h a t

p r ov e d s u cc e ss f ul w h en u s ed b y t h e f i r s t A m e r ic a n f a r me r s a g ai ns t

t h e R e d I n d i a n s n o t [ 5 5 ] a l s o p r o v e s u c c e s s f u l h e r e , s i n c e a f t e r a l l t h e

c on di ti on s ; a re s im il ar ? A nd s o i t i s e ve n p os si bl e t o d o w it ho ut r if le s p er ma ne nt ly , a nd e ve n t he f iv e r if le s a re n ot a bs ol ut el y

n ec e ss a ry , a nd i t i s o n ly b e ca u se t h ey a r e, a f te r a l l , t h e r e, t h at t h ey

o ug ht a ls o t o b e u se d. B ut i f t he f ou r o th er s d o n ot w an t t o c ar ry

t he m, t he y n ee d n ot d o s o. S o t he n o n ly I , a s t he l ea de r, s ha ll c ar ry

o ne . B ut w e o ug ht n ot t o h av e a ny l ea de r, a nd s o I , t oo , s ha ll t he n

break my rifle or put it away.

T h at w a s t h e f i rs t m a ni f es t o. N o bo d y i n o u r h o u s e h a s e i t h er t i me o r

i nc l in at i on t o r e ad m a ni f es t oe s , f a r l e ss t o t h in k a b ou t t h em . B e fo r e l on g t he l it tl e s he et s o f p ap er w er e f lo at in g i n t he s tr ea m o f d ir ty

w a te r t h at , b e gi nn i ng i n t h e a t ti c s a nd f e d b y a l l t h e c o rr i do r s, p o ur s

d own th e s ta irc as e a nd t he re c ol li des w ith th e o th er st re am

m ou nt in g u p f ro m b el ow . B ut a ft er a w ee k t he re c am e a s ec on d

manifesto.

Fellow inmates:

U p t o n o w n o b o d y h a s s e n t i n h i s n a m e t o m e . A p a r t f r o m t h e h o u r s

d ur in g w hi ch I h av e t o e ar n m y l iv in g, I h av e b ee n a t h o me a l l t h e

t im e, a nd i n t he p er io ds o f m y a b s en ce , w h en t he d oo r o f m y r o o m

h as a lw ay s b ee n l ef t o p e n, t he re h as b ee n a p ie ce o f p a p er o n m y

t ab le , f or e ve ry on e w ho w is he d t o d o s o t o p ut d ow n h is n am e.

Nobody has done so.

S o me t im e s I t h in k I c a n e x p ia t e a l l m y p a st a n d f u tu r e s i n s t h r ou g h

t he a ch in g o f m y b on es w he n I c om e h om e f ro m t h e e n gi ne er in g

w o r k s a t n i g h t o r , f o r t h a t m a t t e r , i n t h e m o r n i n g , a f t e r a n i g h t ‐ s h i f t . I

a m n ot s tr on g e no ug h f o r t hi s w o r k, I h av e k n o wn t ha t f o r a l on g

time and yet I do nothing to change anything.

I n o u r h o us e , t h i s i m me n se b u il d in g i n a n o u te r s u bu r b, a t e ne m en t

h o us e t h e f a br i c o f w h ic h i s i nt e rs p er s ed [ 5 6] w i th m e di e va l r u in s ,

t h er e i s a g o ve r nm e nt c l er k l o dg i ng w i th a w o rk e r' s f a mi l y, o n t h e

s a me f l oo r a s m y se l f. A l th o ug h t h ey c a ll h i m a n o f fi c ia l , h e c a n 't b e

m or e t ha n a l it tl e c le rk w ho s pe nd s h is n ig ht s o n a p ai ll as se o n t he

f lo or , r ig ht i n t he m id dl e o f a d en o f s tr an ge rs , t he m ar ri ed c ou pl e


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a nd t h ei r s i x c h il d re n . A nd s o i f h e i s a l i t t le c l e r k, w h at c o n c er n i s h e

o f m in e ? E v e n i n t h is b u il d in g , W h i c h t h er e i s a c o nc e nt r at i on o f t h e

m is er y b re we d t he c it y, t he re a re c er ta in ly m or e t ha n a h un dr ed

people. . .

O n t he s am e f lo or a s m ys el f a s ma ll t ai lo r l o d ge s, w ho d oe s m a in ly

r ep ai r j ob s. I n s pi te o f a ll t he c ar e I t ak e, I w ea r m y c lo th es o ut t oo

q u i c k l y , a n d r e c e n t l y I a g a i n h a d t o t a k e a c o a t t o t h e t a i l o r . I t w a s a

f i ne w a rm s u mm e r e v en in g . T h e t a il o r h a s o n l y o n e r o om , w h i c h i s

a l so t h e . k it c he n , f o r h i ms e lf , h i s w i fe , a nd s i x c h il d re n . A p ar t f r o m

t hi s, h e a ls o h as a l od ge r, a c le rk f ro m t he t ax d ep ar tm en t. S uc h

o ve rc ro wd in g i s r ea ll y a l it tl e b ey on d w ha t i s u su al e ve n i n o ur

b u il d in g , w h er e i t i s c e rt a in l y b a d e n ou g h. A l l t h e s a me , e v er y on e i s

l ef t t o d o a s h e l ik es ; t he t ai lo r d ou bt le ss h as i rr ef ut ab ly g oo d

r e a so n s f o r h i s t h r if t i ne s s , a n d n o o u t s id e r w o u l d d r e a m o f i n q ui r i ng into those reasons.

February 19, 1917

Today read H er ma nn u nd D or ot he a , p as sa ge s f ro m R ic ht er 's

M em oi rs , l oo ke d a t p ic tu re s b y h im , a nd a ll y r ea d a s ce ne f ro m

H au pt ma nn 's G r is e ld a . Fo r th e br ie f s pan o f th e n ex t h ou r a m a

d i ff e re n t p e rs o n. T r ue , a l l p r os p ec t s a s m i st y a s e v er , b u t p i c t ur e s i n

t h e m i s t a r e n o w d i f f e r e n t . T h e m a n i n t h e h e a v y b o o t s I h a v e p u t o n

t o da y f o r t h e f i rs t t i me ( t he y w e re o r ig i na l ly i n te nd e d f o r m il i ta r y service) is a different person. [57]

I l o d g e w i t h H e r r K r u m m h o l z , I s h a r e t h e r o o m w i t h a c l e r k f r o m t h e

t a x d e p a r t m e n t . A p a r t f r o m t h i s , t h e r e a r e i n t h e r o o m t w o d a u g h t e r s

o f K r um m ho l z' s s l ee p in g i n t h e o n e b e d, o n e s i x ‐ ye a r‐ o ld a n d o n e

s e ve n ‐y e ar ‐ ol d g i rl . S i nc e t h e f i rs t d a y w h en t h e c l er k m o ve d i n — I

my sel f ha ve l od ged w ith K ru mm ho lz fo r y ear s—I h ave b ee n

s us pi ci ou s o f h im , a t f ir st i n a q ui te u nd ef in ed w ay . A m an o f l es s

t h an m i dd l e h e ig h t, w e ak l y, l u ng s p r ob a bl y n o t t o o g o od , w i th g r ay

c l ot h es t h at h a ng l o os e o n h i m, f u rr o we d f a ce o f n o p a r ti c ul a r a g e,

g r ay i sh f a ir h a ir , r a th e r l o n g a n d c o mb e d o v er h i s e a r s , s p ec t ac l es

slipping down his nose, and a little goatee beard, also turning gray.

I t w as n ot a v er y c he er fu l l if e I l ed a t t ha t t im e, w or ki ng o n t he

building of the railway in the interior of the Congo.


8/81

I u se d t o s it o n t he r oo fe d v er an da o f m y w oo de n s h ac k. S tr et ch ed

a cr os s t he f ro nt , i n p la ce o f a w al l, t he re w as a n e xt ra or di na ri ly

f in e‐ me sh ed m os qu it o n et , w hi ch I h ad b ou gh t f ro m o ne o f t he

f o r em e n , t h e c h i e ft a i n o f a t r i be t h r ou g h w h o s e t e r r i t or y o u r r a i l wa y

w as t o g o. A h em pe n n et , a t o nc e s tr on ge r a nd m or e d el ic at e t ha n

c a n b e m a n u f a c t u r e d a n y w h e r e i n E u r o p e . I t w a s m y p r i d e a n d I w a s g en er al ly m uc h e nv ie d f or i t. W it ho ut t hi s n et i t w ou ld s im pl y n ot

h a ve b e en p o ss i bl e t o s i t p e a c ef u ll y o n t h e v e r a nd a i n t h e e v e ni n g

and turn on the lig ht, as I now did, taking an old European

newspaper, to study it, and puff away mightily at my pipe.

I h a ve — wh o e l se c a n s p ea k s o f r ee l y o f h i s a b i l it i es ? — t h e w r is t o f a

l u c k y , u n t i r i n g , o l d a n g l e r . F o r i n s t a n c e , I s i t a t h o m e b e f o r e I g o o u t

f i sh i ng , a n d, w a tc h in g c l os e ly , t u rn m y r i gh t h a nd f i rs t t h is w a y a n d

t he n t ha t. T hi s i s e no ug h t o r ev ea l t o m e, b y t he l oo k a nd t he [ 5 8 ] f e el i ng o f i t , t h e r e su l t o f t h e f i s h in g e x pe d it io n o n w h ic h I a m a b ou t

t o s e t o u t , a n d o f t e n d o w n t o t h e v e r y d e t a i l s . A p r o p h e t i c i n t u i t i o n o f

t h i s p l i a n t j o i n t , w h i c h , w h e n I a m r e s t i n g , I e n c l o s e i n a g o l d b r a c e l e t

i n o r d e r t o l e t i t g a t h e r s t r e n g t h . I s e e t h e w a t e r o f t h e p l a c e w h e r e I

s h al l f i sh a n d t h e p a r t ic u la r c u rr e nt a t t h e p a r t ic u la r h o ur ; a c r os s

s e ct i on o f t h e r i ve r a p pe a rs t o m e ; d i st i nc t i n n u mb e r a n d s p e c ie s , a t

u p t o t en , t we nt y, o r e ve n a h un dr ed d if fe re nt p la ce s, f is h t hr us t

t ow ar ds t he e dg e o f t hi s c ro ss s ec ti on ; n o w I k no w h o w t o c a s t t h e

l in e; s om e t hr us t t he ir h ea ds t hr ou gh t he e dg e w it ho ut c om in g t o

h a r m , t h e n I l e t t h e h o o k d a n g l e b e f o r e t h e m , a n d a t o n c e t h e r e t h e y

a r e h a n g i n g o n i t ; t h e b r e v i t y o f t h i s m o m e n t o f d e s t i n y d e l i g h t s m e

e v en a t t h e t a bl e a t h o me ; o t h er f i sh t h ru s t f o r wa r d u p t o t h e b e ll y ,

n o w i t i s h i g h t i m e , s o m e I s t i l l m a n a g e t o o v e r t a k e , o t h e r s a g a i n s l i p

t hr ou gh t he d an ge ro us e dg e r ig ht u p t o t he ir t ai ls a nd f or t he t im e

b e i n g a r e l o s t t o m e , o n l y f o r t h i s t i m e t h o u g h , f r o m a r e a l a n g l e r n o

fish escapes.

The Second Octavo Notebook

[Note appended to A Sport ]

A L I T T L E B O Y h a d a c a t t h a t w a s a l l h e h a d i n h e r i t e d f r o m h i s f a t h e r

a nd t h ro u gh i t b e ca m e L o rd M a yo r o f L o nd o n. I W h at s h al l I b e co m e

through my animal, my inheritance? Where does the huge city lie?


9/81

T h e h i st o ry o f t h e w o rl d , a s i t i s w r it t en a n d h a n de d d o w n b y w o rd

o f m ou th , o ft en f ai ls u s c om pl et el y; b ut m an 's i nt ui ti ve c ap ac it y,

t h ou g h i t o f te n m i sl e ad s , d o es . l ea d , d o es n o t e v e r a b a nd o n o n e . A n d

s o , f o r i n s t a n c e , t h e t r a d i t i o n o f t h e s e v e n w o n d e r s o f t h e w o r l d h a s

a l w a y s h a d a s s o c i a t e d w i t h i t t h e r u m o r t h a t t h e r e w a s [ 5 9 ] a n o t h e r ,

a n e i gh t h w o nd e r o f t h e w o rl d , a n d c o nc e rn in g t h is e i gh t h w o nd e r

t h er e w e re v a ri o us , p e rh a ps c o nt r ad i ct o ry , s t at e me n ts m a de , t h e

vagueness of which was explained by the obscurity of ancient times.

Y ou w il l a dm it , l ad ie s a nd g en tl em en —m or e o r l es s t hu s d id t he

A r a b i n E u r o p e an c l o t h e s a d d r e s s t h e p a r t y o f t o u r is t s , w h o w e r e n o t

r ea ll y l is te ni ng , b ut , p os it iv el y b ow ed d ow n w it h a we , w er e

c o nt e mp l at i ng t h e i n cr e di bl e e d if i ce t h at r o se o u t o f t h e b a r e s t on y

g r ou n d i n f r on t o f t h em — yo u w i ll s u re l y a d mi t t h a t m y f i r m b y f a r o u td o es a l l o t he r t r av e l a g en c ie s , e v en t h os e t h at h a ve r i gh t ly b e en

f a m o u s f o r m a n y y e a r s . W h i l e o u r r i v a l s , i n t h e o l d a p p r o v e d f a s h i o n ,

t a ke t h ei r c l ie n ts o n ly t o t h e s e ve n w o nd e rs o f t h e w o rl d m e n ti o ne d

in the history books, our firm shows you the eighth wonder.

No, no.

S om e s ay h e i s a h yp oc ri te , o th er s, a ga in , t ha t h e o nl y s e em s t o b e

o n e . M y p a r e n t s k n o w h i s f a t h e r . W h e n t h e l a t t e r c a m e t o s e e u s l a s t

S u n da y , I a s k e d h i m o u t ri g h t a b o u t h i s s o n . N o w t h e o l d g e n tl e m a n i s

v er y s ly , i t i s d if fi cu lt t o t ac kl e h im p ro pe rl y, a nd I l ac k a n y s o rt o f

s ki ll i n m ak in g s uc h a tt ac ks . T he c on ve rs at io n w as l iv el y, b ut

s c ar c el y h a d I i n te r je c te d m y q u es t io n w h en s i le n ce f e ll . M y f a th e r

b eg an n er vo us ly t oy in g w it h h is b ea rd , m y m ot he r g ot u p t o s ee

a bo ut t he t ea , t he o ld g en tl em an h ow ev er g la nc ed a t m e o ut o f h i s

b lu e e ye s, s mi li ng , a nd i nc li ne d h is f ur ro we d p al li d f ac e w it h t he

t h i c k w h i t e h a i r t o o n e s i d e . " A h y e s , t h e b o y , " h e s a i d a n d t u r n e d h i s

g az e t o t he t ab le l am p, w hi ch w as a lr ea dy l it o n t h i s e a rl y w in te r' s

e v en in g . " H av e y o u e v er t a lk e d t o h i m? " h e t h en a s ke d . " N o ," I s a id ,

" b u t I h a v e h e a r d a l o t a b o u t h i m a n d I s h o u l d v e r y m u c h l i k e t o t a l k

to him sometime, if he would receive me." [60]

" W h a t i s i t ? W h a t i s i t ? " I e x c l a i m e d , s t i l l h e l d d o w n i n b e d b y s l e e p ,

a nd s tr et ch ed m y a rm s u pw ar ds . T he n I g ot u p, s ti ll f ar f ro m b ei ng


10/81

c o n s c i o u s o f t h e p r e s e n t , a n d w i t h t h e f e e l i n g t h a t I m u s t t h r u s t a s i d e

v a ri o us p e op l e w h o w e re i n m y w a y, m a de t h e n e ce s sa r y g e st u re s ,

and so at last reached the open window.

Helpless, a barn in the spring, a consumptive in the spring.

S o m et i m es i t h a p p en s , t h e r e a so n s b e i n g o f t e n s c a r c e l y i m a g in a b le ,

t h at t h e g r ea t es t b u ll f ig h te r c h oo s es a s t h e p l ac e w h er e h e w i ll f i gh t

s o m e d e c a y e d a r e n a i n a r e m o t e l i t t l e t o w n w h o s e n a m e t h e M a d r i d

p ub li c h as s ca rc el y h ea rd o f. A n a re na t ha t h as b ee n n eg le ct ed f or

c e nt u ri e s, h e re o v er g ro w n w i th g r as s , a p l ac e w h er e c h il d re n p l a y ,

t h er e h o t w i th b a re s t on e s, a p l ac e w h er e s n ak e s a nd l i za r ds b a s k .

T he t op s o f t he w al ls l on g a go c ar ri ed a wa y, a q ua rr y f or a ll t he

h o u s es r o u nd a b o ut . N o w o n l y a l i t t le c a u l d r o n t h a t w i l l s e a t s c a r c e l y

f i ve h u nd r ed p e op l e. N o a n ne x b u il d in g , a b ov e a l l n o s t a b le s , b u t t h e

w o rs t t h in g o f a l l i s t h at t h e r a i lw a y l i n e h a s n o t y e t b e en e x te n de d

s o f ar a nd t he re a re t hr ee h ou rs t o t r av el b y c a rt , s e ve n h o ur s t o

cover on foot, from the nearest station.

M y t wo h an ds b eg an a f ig ht . T he y s la mm ed t he b oo k I h ad b ee n

r ea di ng a nd t hr us t i t a si de s o t ha t i t s ho ul d n ot b e i n t he w ay . M e

t h e y s a l u t e d , a n d a p p o i n t e d m e r e f e r e e . A n d a n i n s t a n t l a t e r t h e y h a d

l o ck e d f i ng e rs w i th e a ch o t he r a nd w e re a l re a dy r u sh i ng a w ay o v er

t he e dg e o f t he t ab le , n ow t o t he r ig ht , n ow t o t he l ef t, a cc or di ng t o w hi ch o f t he m w as b ri ng in g m os t p re ss ur e t o b ea r o n t he o th er . I

nev er t ur ne d m y g az e f ro m th em . I f th ey a re my h an ds, I mu st

r e f e r e e f a i r l y , o t h e r w i s e I s h a l l b r i n g d o w n o n m y s e l f t h e a g o n i e s o f a

w ro ng d ec is io n. B ut [ 61 ] m y f un ct io n i s n ot e as y, i n t he d ar kn es s

b e t w e e n t h e p a l m s o f t h e h a n d s v a r i o u s h o l d s a r e b r o u g h t i n t o p l a y

t h a t I m u s t n o t l e t p a s s u n n o t i c e d , a n d s o I p r e s s m y c h i n o n t h e t a b l e

a n d n o w n o t h i n g e s c a p e s m e . A l l m y l i f e l o n g I h a v e m a d e a f a v o r i t e

o f t he r ig ht , w it ho ut m ea ni ng t he l ef t a n y h ar m. I f t he l ef t h a d e ve r

s a i d a n y t h i n g , i n d u l g e n t a n d j u s t a s I a m , I s h o u l d a t o n c e h a v e p u t a

s t o p t o t h e a b u s e . B u t i t n e v e r g r u m b l e d , i t h u n g d o w n f r o m m e , a n d w hi le , s ay , t he r ig ht w as r ai si ng m y h a t i n t h e s tr ee t, t he l ef t w a s

t im id ly f um bl in g d ow n m y t hi gh . T ha t w as a b ad w ay o f p r e pa ri ng

f o r t h e s t r u g g l e t h a t i s n o w g o i n g o n . H o w i n t h e l o n g r u n , l e f t w r i s t ,

w il l y ou r es is t t he p re ss ur e o f t hi s p ow er fu l r ig ht h an d? H ow

m ai nt ai n y ou r g ir li sh f in ge r' s s ta nd i n t he g ri p o f t he f iv e o th er s?

T hi s s ee ms t o m e t o b e n o l o ng er a f ig ht , b u t t h e n a tu ra l e n d o f t he


11/81

l e f t h a n d . E v e n n o w i t h a s b e e n p u s h e d t o t h e e x t r e m e l e f t r i m o f t h e

t a b l e , a n d t h e r i g h t i s p o u n d i n g r e g u l a r l y u p a n d d o w n o n i t l i k e t h e

p i s t o n o f a n e n g i n e . I f , c o n f r o n t e d w i t h t h i s m i s e r y , I h a d n o t g o t t h e

s a v i n g i d e a t h a t t h e s e a r e m y o w n h a n d s a n d t h a t w i t h a s l i g h t j e r k I

c an p ul l t he m a wa y f ro m e ac h o th er a nd s o p u t a n e n d t o t he f ig ht

a nd t he m is er y— if I h ad n ot g ot t hi s i de a, t he l ef t h an d w ou ld h av e b e e n b r o k e n o u t o f t h e w r i s t , w o u l d h a v e b e e n f l u n g f r o m t h e t a b l e ,

a nd t he n t he r ig ht , i n t he w il d r ec kl es sn es s o f k no wi ng i ts el f t he

v i c to r , m i g h t h a v e l e a p t, l i k e f i v e ‐ he a d ed C e r be r u s, s t r ai g h t i n t o m y

a tt en ti ve f ac e. I ns te ad , t he t wo n ow l ie o ne o n t o p o f t he o th er , t h e

r ig ht s tr ok in g t he b ac k o f t he l ef t, a nd I , d is ho ne st r ef er ee , n od i n

approval.

A t l as t o ur t ro op s s uc ce ed ed i n b re ak in g i nt o t he c it y t hr ou gh t he

s ou th er n g at e. M y c on ti ng en t e nc am pe d i n a s ub ur ba n g ar de n, a mo ng h al f‐ bu rn t c he rr y t re es , w ai ti ng f or o rd er s. B ut w he n w e

h e a r d t h e h i g h c l a n g o r [ 6 2 ] o f t h e t r u m p e t s f r o m t h e s o u t h e r n g a t e ,

n o t h i n g c o u l d h o l d u s a n y l o n g e r . W i t h w h a t e v e r w e a p o n s e a c h o f u s

h a d s n at c he d u p , i n d i so r de r , e a c h w i t h a n a r m r o u nd h i s c o m ra d e,

y e l l i n g o u r b a t t l e c r y o f " K a h i r a K a h i r a , " w e t r o t t e d i n l o n g c o l u m n s

t hr ou gh t he m ar sh es t ow ar ds t he c it y. A t t he s ou th er n g at e a ll w e

f ou nd n ow w er e c or ps es a nd y el lo w s mo ke , b il lo wi ng o ve r t he

g ro un d a nd h id in g e ve ry th in g f ro m s ig ht . B ut w e d id n ot w an t

m er el y t o b e t he r ea r g ua rd a nd a t o nc e t u rn ed i nt o n a rr ow s id e

s t r ee t s t h a t h a d h i t he r t o r e m a in e d u n s c a th e d b y t h e b a t t l e. T h e d o o r

o f t h e f i r s t h o u s e s p l i n t e r e d u n d e r m y a x , a n d s o w i l d l y d i d w e p u s h

i nt o t he h al l t ha t a t f ir st w e w er e c hu rn in g a ro un d e ac h o t he r i n

c o nf u si o n. A n o l d m a n c a me t o wa r ds u s o u t o f a l o ng e mp t y p a s sa g e.

A s t ra n ge o l d m a n— h e h a d w i ng s . W i de , o u ts p re a d w i ng s , t h e t i p s

taller than himself. "He has wings," I called out to my

b r ot h er s ‐i n ‐a r ms , a n d t h os e o f u s i n f r on t f e ll b a ck s o me w ha t , a s f a r

as w e c ou ld f or t ho se b eh in d, wh o we re p us hing o n. " Yo u ar e

a ma ze d, " t he o ld m an s ai d. " We a ll h av e w in gs , b ut t he y h av e n ot

b ee n o f a ny a va il t o u s a nd i f w e c ou ld t e a r t he m o ff , w e w o ul d d o

s o. " " Wh y d id y ou n ot f ly a wa y? " I a sk ed . " F l y a w ay o ut o f o u r c it y?

Leave home? Leave the dead and the gods? "

The Third Octavo Notebook


12/81

OCTOBER 18, 1917.

Dread of night. Dread of not‐night.

October 19.

S en s el e ss n es s ( t oo s t ro n g a w o rd ) o f t h e s e pa r at i on o f w h at i s o n e 's

own and what is extraneous in the spiritual battle.

A l l s c ie nc e i s m e th o do l og y w i th r e ga r d t o t h e A b so l ut e . T h er e fo r e,

t h er e n ee d b e n o f e ar o f t h e [ 6 3] u n eq u iv o ca l ly m e th o do l og i ca l . I t i s

a husk, but not more than everything except the One.

W e a r e a l l f i gh t in g a b a tt l e. ( I f, a t ta c ke d b y t h e u l t i ma t e q u es t io n , I

r ea ch o ut b eh in d m e f or w ea po ns , I c an no t c ho os e w hi ch o f t ho se

w e a p o n s I w i l l h a v e , a n d e v e n i f I c o u l d c h o o s e , I s h o u l d b e b o u n d t o

c h o o s e s o m e t h a t d o n ' t b e l o n g t o m e , f o r w e a l l h a v e o n l y o n e s t o r e

o f w e a p o n s . ) I c a n n o t f i g h t a b a t t l e a l l o f m y o w n ; i f f o r o n c e I b e l i e v e

I a m i n d e p e n d e n t , i f f o r o n c e I s e e n o b o d y a r o u n d m e , i t s o o n t u r n s

o u t t h at a s a c o ns e qu e nc e o f t h e g e n er a l c o n st e ll a ti o n, w h ic h i s n o t

i mm ed ia te ly o r e ve n n ot a t a ll i nt el li gi bl e t o m e, I h av e h a d t o t ak e

t h i s p o s t o v e r . T h i s , o f c o u r s e , d o e s n o t e x c l u d e t h e f a c t t h a t t h e r e i s

a c av al ry s pe ar he ad , s tr ag gl er s, s ni pe rs , a nd a ll t he u su al a nd

ab no rm al it em s o f w ar fa re , bu t th er e is no o ne w ho f ig hts a n

i nd ep en de nt b at tl e. [ Hu mi li at io n] , o f v an it y? Y es , b ut a ls o a

necessary encouragement, and one in accordance with the truth.

I digress.

T h e t r u e w a y i s a l o n g a r o p e t h a t i s n o t s p a n n e d h i g h i n t h e a i r , b u t

o nl y ju st a bo ve t he g ro un d. I t se ems i nte nd ed mo re to ca use

stumbling than to be walked along.

A lw ay s f ir st d ra w f re sh b re at h a ft er o ut bu rs ts o f v an it y a nd

c om pl ac en cy . T he o rg y w hi le r ea di ng t he s to ry i n D e r J u d e . L i k e a

sq uir re l in it s c ag e. B lis s o f m ov em ent . D es pe ra ti on a bo ut

c o ns t ri c ti o n, c r az i ne s s o f e n du r an c e, f e el i ng o f m i se r y c o nf r on te d

w i th t h e r e po s e o f w h at i s e x te r na l . A l l t h i s b o th s i mu l ta n eo u sl y a n d


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alternatingly, still in the filth of the end.

A sunray of bliss. [64]

We ak ne ss o f me mo ry f or d et ai ls a nd t he c ou rs e o f o ne 's o wn

c o mp r eh e ns i on o f t h e w o rl d —a v e ry b a d s i gn . O n ly f r ag m en t s o f a

t o t a l i t y . H o w a r e y o u g o i n g e v e n t o t o u c h t h e g r e a t e s t t a s k , h o w a r e

y o u g o in g e v en t o s e ns e i t s n e ar n es s , e v en d r ea m i t s e x i s te n ce , e v e n

p l e a d f o r i t s d r e a m , d a r e t o l e a r n t h e l e t t e r s o f t h e p l e a , i f y o u c a n n o t

c o l l e c t y o u r s e l f i n s u c h a w a y t h a t , w h e n t h e d e c i s i v e m o m e n t c o m e s ,

y o u h o l d t h e t o t a l i t y o f y o u r s e l f c o l l e c t e d i n y o u r h a n d l i k e a s t o n e t o

b e t hr ow n, a k ni fe f or t he k il l? H ow ev er : t he re i s n o n ee d t o s pi t o n

one's hands before clasping them.

I s i t p o s s i bl e t o t h i nk s o m e th i n g u n c o n s o li n g ? O r , r a t he r , s o m e t h i ng

u nc on so li ng w it ho ut t he b re at h o f c on so la ti on ? A w ay o ut w ou ld

s e e m t o l i e i n t h e f a c t t h a t r e c o g n i t i o n a s s u c h i s c o n s o l a t i o n . A n d s o

o n e m i gh t w e ll t h in k : Y o u m u s t p u t y o ur s el f a s i d e, a nd y e t o n e m i g h t

m ai nt ai n o ne se lf , w it ho ut f al si fy in g t hi s r ec og ni ti on , b y t he

c on sc io us ne ss o f h av in g r ec og ni ze d i t. T ha t, t he n, r ea ll y m ea ns

h a vi n g p u ll e d o n es e lf o u t o f t h e s w am p b y o n e' s o w n p i gt a il . W h a t i s

r i di c ul o us i n t h e p h ys i ca l w o rl d i s p o ss i bl e i n t h e s p ir i tu a l w o r ld .

There t h er e i s n o l a w o f g r av i ty ( t he a n ge l s d o n o t f l y, t h e y h a ve n o t

o ver co me a ny fo rce o f g ra vi ty , it i s o nl y w e o bs erv ers i n t he t e r re s t ri a l w o r l d w h o c a n no t i m a g in e i t i n a n y b e t t er w a y t h a n t h a t) ,

w h ic h i s , o f c o ur s e, b e yo n d o u r p o w er o f c o n c ep t io n , o r a t a ny r a te

c o nc e iv a bl e o n ly o n a v e ry h i gh l e ve l . H o w p a th e ti c al l y s c a n ty m y

s e lf ‐ kn o wl e dg e i s c o mp a re d w i th , s a y, m y k no w le d ge o f m y r o om .

( E ve n in g .) W h y? T h er e i s n o s u ch t h in g a s o b se r va t io n o f t h e i n ne r

w o r l d, a s t h e re i s o f . t h e o u t e r w o r l d . A t l e a s t d e s c r i pt i v e p s y c ho l o g y

i s p ro ba bl y, t ak en a s a w ho le , a f or m o f a nt hr op om or ph is m, a

n ib b li n g a t o u r o w n l i mi t s. T h e i n n er w o rl d c a n o n l y b e e x pe r ie n ce d ,

n o t d e s c ri b e d. — P s yc h o l og y i s t h e d e s c ri p t io n o f t h e r e f l e c ti o n o f t h e

[ 6 5] t e rr e st r ia l w o rl d i n t h e h e av e nl y p l an e , o r , m o re c o rr e ct l y, t h e d es cr ip ti on o f a r ef le ct io n s uc h a s w e, s oa ke d a s w e a re i n o u r

t e rr e st r ia l n a tu r e, i m ag i ne i t , f o r n o r e fl e ct i on a c tu a ll y o c cu r s, o n ly

we see earth wherever we turn.

Psychology is impatience.


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A l l h u m a n e r r o r s a r e i m p a t ie n c e, t h e p r e m a tu r e b r e a k in g o f f o f w h a t

is methodical, an apparent fencing in of the apparent thing.

Don Quixote's misfortune is not his imagination, but Sancho Panza.

October 20. I n bed.

T he re a re t wo m ai n h um an s in s f ro m w hi ch a ll t he o th er s d er iv e:

i m pa t ie n ce a nd i nd o le n ce . I t w a s b e ca u se o f i m pa t ie n ce t h at t h ey

w e r e e x p e l l e d f r o m P a r a d i s e ; i t i s b e c a u s e o f i n d o l e n c e t h a t t h e y d o

n ot r et ur n. Y et p er ha ps t he re i s o nl y o ne m aj or s in : i mp at ie nc e.

B e ca u se o f i m pa t ie n ce t h ey w e re e x pe l le d , b e ca u se o f i mp a ti e nc e

they do not return.

S ee n w it h t he t er re st ri al ly s ul li ed e ye , w e a re i n t he s it ua ti on o f

t r av e le r s i n a t r ai n t h a t h a s m e t w i t h a n a c ci d en t i n a t u nn e l, a n d t h i s

a t a p l a c e w h e r e t h e l i g h t o f t h e b e g i n n i n g c a n n o l o n g e r b e s e e n , a n d

t he l ig ht o f t he e nd i s s o v er y s ma ll a g li mm er t ha t t he g az e m us t

co nti nu al ly s ea rc h fo r it a nd i s a lw ay s l os ing i t ag ain , and ,

furthermore, both the beginning and the end are not even

c e r ta i n ti e s . R o u n d a b o u t u s , h o w e ve r , i n t h e c o n f u s i o n o f o u r s e n s e s ,

o r i n t he s up er se ns it iv en es s o f o ur s en se s, w e h av e n ot hi ng b ut

m on st ro si ti es a nd a k al ei do sc op ic p la y o f t hi ng s t ha t i s e it he r

d e li g ht f ul o r e x ha u st i ng a c co r di n g t o t h e m o o d a n d i n j ur y o f e a ch

i nd i vi d ua l . W h at s h al l I d o ? o r : W h y s h ou l d I d o i t ? a r e n o t q u e s ti o ns

to be asked in such places.

M an y s ha de s o f t he d ep ar te d a re o cc up ie d s ol el y i n l i c ki ng a t t he

w a ve s o f t h e r i ve r o f d e a t h b e c au s e i t f l ow s f r o m o u r d i re c ti o n a n d

s ti ll h as t he s al ty t as te o f o ur s ea s. T he n t he r iv er r ea rs b ac k i n

d is gu st , t he c ur re nt f lo ws t he o pp os it e w ay a nd b ri ng s t he d ea d

d r i ft i n g b a c k i n t o l i f e . B u t t h e y a r e h a p p y, s i n g s o n g s o f t h a nk s g i vi n g ,

and stroke the indignant waters.

B ey on d a c er ta in p oi nt t he re i s n o r et ur n. T hi s p oi nt h as t o b e

reached.

T h e d e ci s iv e m o me n t i n h u ma n e v ol u ti o n i s p e r p et u al . T h a t i s w h y

t he r ev ol ut io na ry s pi ri tu al m ov em en ts t ha t d ec la re a ll t hi ng s


15/81

worthless are in the right, for nothing has yet happened.

T h e h i st o ry o f m a nk i nd i s t h e i n st a nt b e tw e en t w o s t r id e s t a k en b y a

traveler.

Evening walk to Oberklee.

F r om o u ts i de o n e w i ll a l wa y s t r iu m ph a nt l y i m pr e ss t h eo r ie s u p on

t h e w o rl d a n d t h en f a ll s t ra i gh t i n t o t h e [ 6 6] d i tc h o n e h a s d u g , b u t

only from inside will one keep oneself and the world quiet and true.

O ne o f t he m os t e ff ec ti ve m ea ns o f s ed uc ti on t ha t E vi l h as i s t h e

challenge to struggle.

I t is like the struggle with women, which ends in bed.

A m a rr i ed m a n' s t r ue d e vi a ti o ns f r om t h e p a t h o f v i rt u e a r e , r i gh t ly

understood, never gay.

October 21. I n the sunshine.

The voices of the world becoming quieter and fewer.

An Everyday Confusion

A N E VE RY DA Y O CC UR RE NC E: t he w ay h e e nd ur es a n e ve ry da y

c o nf u si o n. A h a s a n i m po r ta nt b u si ne s s d e a l t o c o nc l ud e w i th B , w h o

l i v e s i n H . H e g o e s t o H t o c o n f e r a b o u t i t , g e t s t h e r e a n d b a c k i n t e n

m i nu t es e a ch w a y, a n d a t h o me b o as t s o f t h is p a rt i cu l ar q u ic k ne s s.

T h e n e x t d a y h e g o e s t o H a g a i n , t h i s t i m e f o r t h e f i n a l s e t t l e m e n t o f

t h e d e a l . S i n c e t h i s i s l i k e l y t o t a k e s e v e r a l h o u r s , A l e a v e s v e r y e a r l y i n t h e m o r ni n g . B u t a l t ho u g h a l l t h e a t t e n da n t c i r c u m st a n ce s , a t l e a s t

i n A ' s o p i n i o n , a r e e x a c t l y t h e s a m e a s o n t h e p r e v i o u s d a y , t h i s t i m e

i t t a k e s h i m ! t e n h o u r s t o g e t t o H . W h e n h e a r r i v e s t h e r e a t e v e n i n g ,

v e r y t i r e d , h e i s t o l d t h a t B , a n n o y e d a t A ' s f a i l u r e ' ( t o a r r i v e , l e f t h a l f

a n h o u r a g o f o r A ' s v i l l a g e a n d t h a t t h e y r e a l l y o u g h t t o h a v e m e t o n

t he w ay . A i s a d v is ed t o w a i t. B ut A , a n x io us a bo ut t he d ea l, a t o n c e


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takes his departure and hurries home.

T hi s t im e, w it ho ut p ay in g a ny p ar ti cu la r a tt en ti on t o t he f ac t, h e

c o v e r s t h e d i s t a n c e i n n o m o r e t h a n a n i n s t a n t . A t h o m e h e d i s c o v e r s

t h at B h a d a l r e ad y c o me [ 6 7] i n t h e m o rn in g , s t r ai g ht a f te r A h a d l e f t,

i n d e e d , h e i s t o l d t h a t B m e t h i m o n t h e d o o r s t e p a n d r e m i n d e d h i m

a bo ut t he d ea l, b ut t ha t h e, A , s ai d h e h ad n o t im e, w a s i n a h ur ry ,

must go.

I n s pi te o f A 's i nc om pr eh en si bl e b eh av io r, h ow ev er , B ( A i s t ol d)

s t a y e d t h e r e , w a i t i n g f o r A . T r u e , h e h a d o f t e n a s k e d w h e t h e r A w a s

n ot y et b ac k, b ut h e w as s ti ll u ps ta ir s i n A 's r oo m. H ap py a t s t il l

b e i n g a b l e t o s e e B a n d e x p l a i n e v e r y t h i n g t o h i m , A r u n s u p s t a i r s . H e

i s a l m o s t a t t h e t o p w h e n h e s t u m b l e s , s t r a i n s a t e n d o n , a n d , a l m o s t

f a in t in g w i th p a in , i n ca p ab l e e v en o f s c re a mi n g, o n ly w h im p er i ng

t he re i n t he d ar k, h e h ea rs B —h e i s n ot s ur e w he th er a t a g re at

d i st a nc e o r s o me w he r e q u it e c l os e t o h i m— s ta m p d o wn s ta i rs i n a fury and disappear once and for all.

T h e D i ab o li c al s o me t im e s a s su m es t h e a s pe c t o f t h e G o od , o r e v e n

e m b o d i e s i t s e l f c o m p l e t e l y i n i t s f o r m . I f t h i s r e m a i n s c o n c e a l e d f r o m

m e , I a m o f c o u r s e d e f e a t e d , f o r t h i s G o o d i s m o r e t e m p t i n g t h a n t h e

g en ui ne G oo d. B ut w ha t i f i t d oe s n ot r em ai n c on ce al ed f ro m m e?

W h at i f a h o rd e o f d e v i ls , l i k e b e a t er s o n a b a tt l e, d r iv e m e s t ra i gh t

i n t o t h e G o o d ? W h a t i f I , a n o b j e c t o f d i s g u s t , a m r o l l e d , s t u n g , t h r u s t

i n t o t h e G o o d b y p i n p o i n t s p r i c k i n g m e a l l o v e r ? W h a t i f t h e v i s i b l e

c la ws o f t he G oo d r ea ch o ut f or m e? I f al l b ac k a s te p a nd r et re at ,

s of tl y a nd s ad ly , i nt o E vi l, w hi ch h as b ee n b e h in d m e a l l t he t im e

waiting for my decision.

[ A Life . ] A s ti nk in g b it ch , m ot he r o f c ou nt le ss w he lp s, i n p la ce s

a lr ea dy r ot ti ng , b ut e ve ry th in g t o m e i n m y c hi ld ho o d, a f ai th fu l

c r ea t ur e t h at f o ll o ws m e u n fa i li ng l y, w h ic h I c a nn o t b r i n g m y s e lf t o

b e a t , f r o m w h i c h I r e t r e a t s t e p b y s t e p a n d w h i c h n e v e r t h e l e s s , i f I d o

n o t d e ci d e o t he r wi s e, w i ll p u sh m e i n to t h e c o rn e r [ 6 8 ] b e tw e en t h e

w a ll s , t h e c o rn e r t h at I a l re a dy s e e, t h er e t o d e co m po s e c o mp l et e ly , u p o n m e a n d w i t h m e , r i g h t t o t h e e n d — i s i t a n h o n o r f o r m e ? — t h e

purulent and wormy flesh of her tongue upon my hand.

E vi l h as w ay s o f s ur pr is in g o ne . S ud de nl y i t t ur ns r ou nd a nd s ay s:

" Yo u h av e m is un de rs to od m e, " a nd p er ha ps i t I de al ly i s s o. E vi l

t r a n s f o r m s i t s e l f i n t o y o u r o w n l i p s , l e t s i t s e l f b e g n a w e d a t b y y o u r


17/81

t e e t h , a n d w i t h t h e s e n e w l i p s — n o f o r m e r o n e s f i t t e d m o r e s m o o t h l y

t o y ou r g um s— to y ou r o wn a ma ze me nt y ou u tt er t he w or ds o f

goodness.

The Truth About Sancho Panza

S A N CH O P A N ZA , w h o , i n c i d e n ta l l y , n e v e r b o a s te d o f i t , i n t h e c o u r s e

o f t he y ea rs , b y m ea ns o f p ro vi di ng a l ar ge n um be r o f r om an ce s o f

c hi va lr y a nd b an di tr y t o w hi le a wa y t he e ve ni ng a nd n ig ht h ou rs ,

s u cc e ed e d i n d i ve r ti n g t h e a t te n ti o ns o f h i s d e v il , t o w h om h e l a te r

g a v e t h e g a m e D o n Q u i x o t e , f r o m h i m s e l f t o s u c h a n e x t e n t t h a t t h i s

d e v il t h e n i n u n b ri d l e d f a s h i o n p e r f o r me d t h e c r a z i e s t d e e d s , w h i c h

h o w e ve r , f o r l a c k o f a p r e d e t e rm i n ed o b j e c t , w h i c h s h o u l d , o f c o u r se ,

h a ve b ee n S an c ho P a nz a , d i d n o bo d y a n y h a rm . S a n ch o P a n z a, a f r ee

m a n , t r a n q ui l l y , a n d p e r h ap s o u t o f a c e r ta i n s e n s e o f r e s p o n si b i l it y ,

f ol lo we d D on Q ui xo te o n h is t ra ve ls a nd h ad m uc h a nd p ro fi ta bl e entertainment from this to the end of his days.

October 22.

Five o'clock in the morning.

O ne o f t he m os t i mp or ta nt q ui xo ti c a ct s, m or e o bt ru si ve t ha n

f i g h t i n g t h e w i n d m i l l , i s : s u i c i d e . T h e d e a d [ 6 9 ] D o n Q u i x o t e w a n t s t o

k i l l t h e d e a d D o n Q u i x o t e ; i n o r d e r t o k i l l , h o w e v e r , h e n e e d s a p l a c e t h a t i s a l i v e , a n d t h i s h e s e a r c h e s f o r w i t h h i s s w o r d, b o t h c e a s el e s s l y

and in vain. Engaged in this occupation the two dead men,

i ne xt ri ca bl y i nt er lo ck ed a nd p os it iv el y b ou nc in g w it h l if e, g o

somersaulting away down the ages.

Morning in bed.

A i s v er y p uf fe d u p, h e t hi nk s h e i s f a r a dv an ce d i n g o o dn es s s in ce ,

o b v i o u s l y a s a n o b j e c t t h a t i s e v e r s e d u c t i v e , h e f e e l s h i m s e l f e x p o s e d

to ever more temptations from directions hitherto unknown to him.

T h e p r o p er e x p l a na t i on s i s h o w e v e r t h i s: t h a t a g r e a t d e v il h a s t a k en

u p r es id en ce i n h im a nd c ou nt le ss t hr on gs o f s ma ll er o ne s c om e

along to serve the great one.


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I n t h e e v e n i n g w e n t t o t h e f o r e s t , m o o n w a x i n g ; c o n f u s e d d a y b e h i n d

me. (Max's card.) Sick stomach.

D i ff e re n ce s i n t h e v i ew o n e c a n h a ve o f t h in g s, f o r i n s ta n ce , a n a p pl e :

t he v ie w o f a l it tl e b oy w ho h as t o c ra ne h is n ec k i n o rd er e ve n t o g l i m p s e t h e a p p l e o n a t a b l e , a n d t h e v i e w o f t h e m a s t e r o f t h e h o u s e ,

w ho t ak es t he a pp le a nd f re el y h an ds i t t o t he p er so n s i t ti ng a t t h e

table with him.

October 23.

Early morning in bed.

The Silence of the Sirens

E V I D EN C E t h a t e v e n i n a de q u at e , i n d e e d c h i l d i s h m e a n s m a y s e r v e t o

save one.

I n o r de r t o b e s a f e f r o m t h e S i r e ns , O d y s se u s s t o pp e d h i s e a r s w i t h

w a x a n d h a d h i m s e l f c h a i n e d t o t h e m a s t . A l l t r a v e l e r s , f r o m t h e v e r y

. b eg i nn i ng , c o ul d o f c o ur s e h a ve d o ne s o me t hi n g o f t h e k i nd , e x ce p t

t ho se w ho m t he S ir en s e nt ra nc ed e ve n f ro m a l on g w ay o ff , b ut i t

w a s c o mm o n k no w le d ge t h ro u gh o ut t h e w o rl d t h at t h is w a s s i mp l y

o f n o a v a i l. T h e S i r en s ' s o n g p e n et r a te d t h r ou g h e v e r yt h i ng , a n d t h e

p a s s io n o f t h o s e w h o h e a r d i t s m a g i c w o u l d h a v e s n a p p e d m o r e t h a n

c h a i n s a n d a m a s t . B u t O d y s s e u s d i d n o t t h i n k o f t h a t , e v e n t h o u g h h e

m a y h a v e h e a r d t e l l o f i t . H e r e l i e d s o l e l y o n t h e h a n d f u l o f [ 7 0 ] w a x

a nd t he n et wo rk c ha in s, a nd i n i nn oc en t d el ig ht o ve r h is l it tl e

stratagem he voyaged on towards the Sirens.

N o w t h e S i re n s h a ve a w e ap o n e v en m o re t e rr i bl e t h a n t h e ir s o n g ,

n am el y, t he ir s il en ce . T ru e, s uc h a t hi ng h as n ot h ap pe ne d, y et

p e rh a ps i t i s t h in ka b le t h at s o me o ne m i gh t h a ve e s ca p ed f r om t h ei r

s i ng i ng ; b u t f r om t h ei r s i le nc e c e rt a in l y n ev e r. N o th i ng e a rt h ly c a n

w it hs ta nd t he s en se o f h av in g o ve rc om e t he m w it h o ne 's o wn

resources, and the overwhelming arrogance resulting from it.

A nd i n f ac t, w he n O dy ss eu s c am e, t he m ig ht y s in ge rs d id n ot s in g, e i th e r b e ca u se t h ey b e li e ve d t h e o n ly w a y o f t a ck l in g t h is o p po n en t

wa s w ith s il enc e, o r b ec aus e th e s ig ht o f t he u tte r b lis s • on

O d y s se u s ' s f a c e , a s h e t h o u g h t o f n o t h i n g b u t w a x a n d c h a i n s , c a u s ed

them quite to forget their singing.

B u t O d ys s eu s —l e t u s p u t i t l i ke t h is — di d n o t h e ar t h ei r s i l e nc e , h e

t h ou g ht , t h ey w e re s i ng i ng a n d t h a t o n l y h e w a s s a f e f r o m h e a ri ng i t .


19/81

F l ee t in g ly h e s a w f i rs t t h e p o is e o f t h ei r n ec k s, t h ei r d e e p b r e at h in g ,

t he ir e ye s b ri mm in g w it h t ea rs , t he ir h al f‐ op en m ou th s, b ut h e

b e li e ve d t h is w e nt w i th t h e a r ia s t h at w e re r e so u nd i ng , u n he a rd ,

a ro un d h im . S oo n, h ow ev er , e ve ry th in g s li d a wa y f ro m h is g az e,

w h ic h w a s . f ix e d o n t h e f a r d i st a nc e , t h e S ir e ns s i mp l y v a n is h ed i n

t he f ac e o f h is r es ol ut io n, a nd i n t he v er y m om en t w he n h e w as nearest to them he had already forgotten them.

B u t t h e y— m o re b e a ut i f ul t h a n e v e r — s tr e t ch e d a n d t u r n e d , l e t t i n g

t h ei r d r ea d h a ir f l oa t f r ee u p on t h e w i n d a n d t i gh t en i ng t h ei r c l aw s

u po n t he r oc ks . T he y n o l on ge r w an te d t o e nt ic e a ny on e; a ll t he y

w a n t e d w a s t o c a t c h a g l i m p s e f o r a s l o n g a s p o s s i b l e o f t h e r e f l e c t e d

glory in the great‐ eyes of Odysseus.

I f t he S ir en s h ad p os se ss ed c on sc io us ne ss , t he y w ou ld [ 71 ] h av e

b ee n a nn ih il at ed a t t ha t t im e. A s i t w as , t he y r em ai ne d; o nl y

Odysseus escaped them.F or t he r es t, t ra di ti on h as a n ot e t o a dd t o t hi s. O dy ss eu s, i t i s s ai d,

w as a m an o f s o m an y w il es , w as s uc h a c un ni ng f ox , t h at e ve n t h e

g od de ss o f d es ti ny c ou ld n ot p en et ra te i nt o h is i nm os t b ei ng .

P e r h a p s , a l t h o u g h t h i s i s b e y o n d c o m p r e h e n s i o n b y t h e m i n d o f m a n ,

h e r e al l y n o ti c ed t h at t h e S i r en s w e re s i le n t, a n d c o n f ro n te d t h em

a nd t he g od s w it h t he p re te nd ed t ri ck d es cr ib ed a bo ve o nl y, s o t o

speak, as with a sort of shield.

Afternoon before the funeral of an epileptic drowned in the well.

" Kno w th ys el f" [ E rk en ne d ic h s el bs t ] d oe s n ot m ea n " Ob se rv e

t h y se l f . " " O b s e r v e t h y s e l f " i s w h a t t h e S e r p e nt s a y s . I t m e a ns : " M a k e

y o ur s el f m a st e r . o f y o u r a c ti o ns . " B u t y o u a r e s o a l re a dy , y o u a r e t h e

m a st e r o f y o ur a c ti o ns . S o t h at s a yi n g m e an s : " M is j ud g e y o u rs e lf ! [

V e r ke n n e d i c h ] D e s tr o y y o u r se l f ! " w h i c h i s s o m e th i n g e v i l‐ a n d o n l y

i f o n e b e n d s d o w n v e r y f a r i n d e e d d o e s o n e a l s o h e a r t h e g o o d i n i t ,

which is: "I n order, to make of yourself what you are."

October 25.

Sad, jumpy, physically unwell, dread of Prague, in bed.

T h e r e w a s o n c e a c o m m u n i t y o f s c o u n d r e l s , t h a t i s t o s a y , t h e y w e r e

n ot s co un dr el s, b ut o rd in ar y p eo pl e. T he y a lw ay s s to od b y e ac h


20/81

o th er . I f, f or i ns ta nc e, o ne o f t he m h ad m ad e a s tr an ge r, s om eo ne

o ut si de t he ir c om mu ni ty , u nh ap py i n s om e r at he r s co un dr el ly

w ay —t ha t i s t o s ay , a ga in , n ot hi ng s co un dr el ly , b ut j us t w ha t i s

u su al , j us t t he n or ma l s or t o f t hi ng —a nd h e t he n c on fe ss ed t o t he

w h o l e c o m m u n i t y , t h e y i n v e s t i g a t e d t h e c a s e , j u d g e d [ 7 2 ]

i t , i m p o s e d

p en an ce s, p ar do ne d, a nd t he l ik e. I t w as n ot b ad ly m ea nt , t he i n t e r e s t s o f t h e i n d i v i d u a l m e m b e r s a n d o f t h e c o m m u n i t y a s a w h o l e

w er e s tr ic tl y s af eg ua rd ed , a nd h e w ho w as s up pl ie d w it h t he

complementary color to the color he had shown:

" W h a t ? Y o u m e a n y o u a r e u p s e t a b o u t t h a t ? B u t w h a t y o u d i d w a s a

m at te r o f c ou rs e, y ou a ct ed a s y ou w er e b ou nd t o. A ny th in g e ls e

w o ul d b e i n co m pr e he n si b le . Y o u a r e i n a n er v ou s c o nd i ti o n, t h at ' s

a l l. P u ll y o ur s el f t o ge th e r a n d b e s e ns i bl e ." S o t h ey a l wa y s s t o o d b y

e a ch o t he r , a nd e v en a f te r d e at h t h ey d i d n o t d e s er t t h e c o m m un it y ,

b ut r os e t o h ea ve n d an ci ng i n a r in g. A ll i n a l l i t w as a v is io n o f t he

p ur es t c hi ld li ke i nn oc en ce t o s ee t he m f ly . B ut s in ce e ve ry th in g,

w h en c o nf r on te d w i th h e av e n, i s b r ok e n u p i n to i t s e l em e nt s , t h ey

crashed, true slabs of rock.

O n e o f t h e f i r s t s i n g s o f t h e b e g i n n i n g o f u n d e r s t a n d i n g i s t h e w i s h t o

d i e. T h is l i fe a p pe a rs u n be a ra b le , a n ot h er u n at ta i na b le . O n e i s n o

l o n g e r a s h a m e d o f w a n t i n g t o d i e ; o n e a s k s t o b e m o v e d f r o m t h e o l d

c e l l , w h i c h o n e h a t e s , t o a n e w o n e , w h i c h o n e w i l l o n l y i n t i m e c o m e

t o h a te . I n t h is t h er e i s a l so a r e si d ue o f b e l i ef t h at d u ri n g t h e m o v e

t he m as te r w il l c ha nc e t o c om e a lo ng t he c or ri do r, l oo k a t t he p ri so ne r a nd s ay : " Th is m an i s n ot t o b e l oc ke d u p a ga in . H e i s t o

come to me."

November 3.

To Oberklee. Evening in room. Ottla and T. write.

I f y ou w er e w al ki ng a cr os s a p la in , h as a n h on es t i nt en ti on o f

w al ki ng o n, a nd y et k ep t r eg re ss in g, t he n i t w ou ld b e a d es pe ra te

m a t t e r ; b u t s i n c e y o u a r e s c r a m b l i n g u p a c l i f f , a b o u t a s s t e e p a s y o u y o u r se l f a r e i f s e e n f r o m b e l o w , t h e r e g r e ss i o n c a n o n l y b e c a u s e d b y

the nature of the ground, and you must not despair.

November 6.

L ik e a p at h i n a ut um n: s ca rc el y h as i t b ee n s we pt c le ar w he n i t i s


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once more covered with dry leaves.

A cage went in search of a bird.

November 7.

(Early morning in bed, after an evening spent gossiping.)

T h e m a i n t h i n g , w h e n a s w o r d c u t s i n t o o n e ' s s o u l , i s t o k e e p a c a l m

g az e, l os e n o b lo od , a cc ep t t he c ol dn es s o f t he s wo rd w it h t he

c ol dn es s o f a s to ne . B y m ea ns o f t he s ta b, a ft er t he s ta b, b ec om e

invulnerable. [73]

T h is i s a p l ac e w h er e I n ev e r w a s b e fo r e: h e re b r ea t hi ng i s d i f fe r en t,

and more dazzling than the sun is the radiance of a star beside it.

November 9.

To Oberklee.

I f i t h a d b e e n p o ss i bl e t o b u il d t h e T o w e r o f B a be l w i th o ut c l i mb i ng

it, it would have been permitted.

November 10.

Bed.

Do not let Evil make you believe you can have secrets from it.

L e o p a r d s b r e a k i n t o t h e t e m p l e a n d d r i n k t o t h e d r e g s w h a t i s i n t h e

s a c ri f i c ia l p i t c he r s ; t h i s i s r e p e a t ed o v e r a n d o v e r a g a i n ; f i n a l l y i t c a n

be calculated in advance, and it becomes a part of the ceremony.

A good deal of agitation. (Blüher, Tagger.) 12

November 12.

Long time in bed, resistance.

A s f ir ml y a s t he h an d g ri ps t he s to ne . B ut i t g ri ps i t f ir ml y o nl y i n

o rd er t o f li ng i t a wa y a ll t he f ur th er . B ut t he w ay l ea ds i nt o t ho se


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distances too.

You are the task. No pupil far and wide.

From the true antagonist illimitable courage is transmitted to you.

Gr as pi ng th e g oo d f ort une t ha t t he g ro und o n w hi ch y ou ar e

standing cannot be larger than the two feet covering it.

H o w c a n o n e b e g l a d a b o u t t h e w o r l d e x c e p t i f o n e t a k e s o n e ' s r e f u g e

in it?

November 18.

H id in g p la ce s t he re a re i nn um er ab le , e sc ap e i s o nl y o ne , b ut

possibilities of escape, again, are as many as hiding places.

There is a goal, but no way; what we call a way is hesitation.

D o in g t h e n e ga t iv e t h in g i s i m po s ed o n u s , a n a d di t io n ; t h e p o si ti v e

thing is given to us from the start.

A c ar t w it h t hr ee m en i n i t w as s lo wl y g oi ng u ph il l i n t he d ar k. A

s t r a n g e r c a m e t o w a r d s t h e m a n d c a l l e d o u t t o t h e m . A f t e r s o m e b r i e f

e x ch a ng e o f w o rd s i t t u rn ed o u t t h at t h e s t ra n ge r w a s a s k i ng t o b e

g i v e n a l i f t . A p l a c e w a s m a d e f o r h i m t o s i t i n a n d h e w a s h e l p e d u p .

O n l y w h e n t h e y w e r e d r i v i n g o n d i d t h e y a s k h i m : " Y o u w e r e c o m i n g f r om t h e o t he r d i re c ti o n a n d n o w y o u ' re g o in g b a ck ?" — "Y e s, " t h e

s t ra n ge r s a id . " F ir s t I w a s g o i n g i n y o ur d i re c ti o n, b u t t h e n I t u rn e d

back because darkness had fallen earlier than I expected."

Y ou c om pl ai n a bo ut t he s ti ll ne ss , a bo ut t he . h op el es sn es s o f t he

stillness, the wall of the Good. [74]

T h e t h o r n b u s h i s t h e o l d o b s t a c l e i n t h e r o a d . I t m u s t c a t c h f i r e i f y o u

want to go further.

November 21.

T h e u n fi t ne s s o f t h e o b je c t m a y, c a us e o n e t o o v er l oo k t h e u n f it n es s

of the means.


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T h e u l te r io r m o ti v es w i th w h ic h y o u a b s o rb a n d a s s i mi l at e E v il a r e

not your own but those of Evil.

Wh en o ne h as o nce ac cep ted a nd a bs orb ed E vi l, it no l ong er

demands to be believed.

T h e u l te r io r m o ti v es w i th w h ic h y o u a b s o rb a n d a s s i mi l at e E v il a r e

not your own but those of Evil.

T h e a n im a l w r es t s t h e w h ip f r om i t s m a s te r a nd w h ip s i t se l f i n o r de r

t o b e co m e m a st e r, n o t k n o wi n g t h a t t h i s i s o n ly a f a nt a sy p r od u ce d

by a new knot in the master's whiplash.

Evil is whatever distracts.

Evil knows of the Good, but Good does not know of Evil.

Knowledge of oneself is something only Evil has.

One means that Evil has is the dialogue.

T he f ou nd er b ro ug ht t he l aw s f ro m t he l aw gi ve r; t he f ai th fu l a re

meant to announce the laws to the lawgiver.

I s t he e xi st en ce o f r el ig io ns e vi de nc e o f t he i mp os si bi li ty o f t he

i n d iv i d u al ' s b e i ng p e r ma n e nt l y g o o d ? T h e f o u n d e r t e a r s h i m s e l f f r e e

f r o m t h e G o o d , b e c o m e s i n c a r n a t e . D o e s h e d o i t f o r t h e o t h e r s ' s a k e

o r b e c a u s e h e b e l i e v e s t h a t o n l y w i t h t h e o t h e r s c a n h e r e m a i n w h a t

he w as, b ec aus e h e m us t d es tr oy th e w orl d i n o rd er no t to be compelled to love it?

I n a certain sense the Good is comfortless.

A ny o ne w h o b e li e ve s c a nn o t e x pe r ie n ce m i ra c le s . B y d a y o n e d o e s


24/81

not see any stars.

Anyone who does miracles says: I cannot let go of the earth.

D i st r ib u ti ng b e li e f r i gh t ly b e tw e en o n e' s o w n w o rd s a nd o n e' s o w n

c o nv i ct i on s . N o t l e tt in g a c o nv i ct i on e s ca p e l i k e s t e a m i n t h e v e r y

m o me nt w h en o n e b ec o me s a w ar e o f i t . N o t s h i ft i ng o n t o t h e w o r ds

t h e r e s p on s i bi l i t y i m p o se d b y t h e c o n v ic t i o n. N o t l e t t i ng c o n v i c t io n s

b e s t ol e n b y w o rd s , h a rm o ny b e tw e en t h e w o r d s a nd c o nv i ct i on s i s

s t il l n o t d e c is i ve , n o r i s g o od f a it h . S u c h w o r d s c a n a l w ay s r a m s uc h

convictions in, or dig them up, according to the circumstances.

Utterance does not in principle mean a weakening of

c on vi ct io n— th at w ou ld n ot b e a ny th in g t o b e d ep lo re d— b ut a

weakness of conviction.

S el f‐ co nt ro l i s s om et hi ng f or w hi ch I d o n ot s tr iv e. S el f‐ co nt ro l

m e an s w a nt i ng t o b e e f fe c ti v e a t s o me r a nd o m p o i nt i n t h e i n fi n it e

r ad ia ti on s o f m y s pi ri tu al e xi st en ce . B ut i f I d o h av e t o d ra w s uc h

c i r c l e s r o u n d m y s e l f , t h e n i t w i l l b e b e t t e r f o r m e t o d o i t p a s s i v e l y , i n

m e re w o nd e rm e nt a n d g a pi ng a t t h e t r em e nd o us c o mp l ex , t a ki ng

home with me only the refreshment that this sight gives e contrario .

T h e c r ow s m a in t ai n t h at a s i ng l e c r o w c o ul d d e st r oy t h e h e a ve ns .

T h er e i s n o d o ub t o f t h at , b u t i t p r ov e s n o t h in g a g ai n st t h e h e av e ns ,

for heaven simply means: the impossibility of crows.

M ar ty rs d o n ot u nd er ra te t he b od y, t he y a ll ow i t t o b e e le va te d o n

the cross. I n this they are at one with their antagonists.

H is e xh au st io n i s t ha t o f t he g la di at or a ft er t he f ig ht , h i s w or k w as

the whitewashing of one corner in a clerk's office.

November 24.

H um an j ud gm en t o f h um an a ct io ns i s t ru e a nd v oi d, t ha t i s t o s ay ,

first true and then void.

T h r o u g h t h e d o o r o n t h e r i g h t o n e ' s f e l l o w m e n p u s h i n t o a r o o m i n

w hi ch a f am il y c ou nc il i s b ei ng h el d, h ea r t he l as t w o r d u t te re d b y

t he l as t s pe ak er , t ak e i t u p, w it h i t p o u r o u t i nt o t he w or ld t hr ou gh


25/81

t h e d o or o n t h e l e f t, a n d s h o u t o u t t h ei r j u d g me nt . T h e j u d g me n t o f

t h e w o r d i s t r u e , t h e j u d g m e n t i n i t s e l f i s v o i d . I f t h e y h a d w a n t e d t o

j ud ge w it h f in al t ru th , t he y w ou ld h av e h ad t o s ta y i n t he r oo m

f o re v er , w o ul d h a ve b e co m e p a rt o f t h e f a mi l y c o un c il a n d t h us , o f

course, again incapable of judging.

O nl y h e w ho i s a p ar ty c an r ea ll y j u dg e, b ut a s a p ar ty h e c a nn ot

j u d g e . H e n c e i t f o l l o w s t h a t t h e r e i s n o p o s s i b i l i t y o f j u d g m e n t i n t h e

world, only a glimmer of it.

T h er e i s n o h a vi ng , o n ly a b ei n g, o n ly a s t a t e o f b e in g t h a t c ra v es t h e

last breath, craves suffocation.

P r e v i o u s l y I d i d n o t u n d e r s t a n d w h y I g o t n o a n s w e r t o m y q u e s t i o n ;

t od ay I d o n ot u nd er st an d h ow I c ou ld b el ie ve I w as c ap ab le o f

asking. But I didn't really believe, I only asked.

H i s a n s we r t o t h e a s se r ti o n t h a t h e d i d p e r h ap s possess , b u t t h a t h e

was not, was only trembling and palpitations.

[76]

C e li b ac y a nd s u ic i de a r e o n s i mi l ar l e ve l s o f u n de r st a nd i ng , s u ic i de

a nd a m ar ty r' s d ea th n ot s o b y a ny m ea ns , p e r ha ps m ar ri ag e a nd a

martyr's death.

A m a n w a s a m a z e d a t h o w e a s i l y h e w e n t a l o n g t h e r o a d t o e t e r n i t y ;

the fact was he was rushing along it downhill.

T h e g o o d w a l k i n s t e p . W i t h o u t k n o w i n g a n y t h i n g o f t h e m , t h e o t h e r s

dance around them, dancing the dances of the age.

O n e c a nn o t p a y E v il i n i ns t al l me nt s a n d o n e a l wa y s k e e p s o n t r yi n g

to.

I t c o u l d b e i m a g in e d t h a t A l e x a nd e r t h e G r e a t , i n s p i t e o f h i s y o u t h fu l

t r i u m p h s i n w a r f a r e , i n s p i t e o f t h e s u p e r b a r m y h e b u i l t u p , i n s p i t e

o f t h e e n e r gi e s h e f e lt i n h i ms e lf t h at w e re d i re c te d t o t r an s fo r mi n g t h e w o rl d , m i gh t h a ve h a lt e d a t t h e H e ll e sp o nt a n d n o t h a v e c r o ss e d

i t , a n d t h i s n o t f r o m f e a r , n o t f r o m i r r e s o l u t i o n , n o t f r o m w e a k n e s s o f

will, but from the force of gravity.

T he m an i n e cs ta sy a nd t he m an d ro wn in g— bo th t hr ow u p t h e ir

a r ms . T h e f i rs t d o es i t t o s i gn i fy h a rm o ny , t h e s e co n d t o s i gn i fy s t ri f e


26/81

with the elements.

I do not know the contents,

I have not the key,

I do not believe rumors,

all as a matter of course,

for it is myself.

T h e w a y i s i n fi ni t el y l o ng , n o th i ng o f i t c a n b e s u bt r ac t ed , n o th i ng

c a n b e a d de d , a nd y e t e v er y on e a p p l ie s h i s o w n c h i ld i sh y a rd s ti c k t o

i t . " C e r t a i n l y , t h i s y a r d o f t h e w a y y o u s t i l l h a v e t o g o , t o o , a n d i t w i l l

be accounted unto you."

I t i s o n ly o u r c o n ce p ti o n o f t i me t h at m a ke s u s c a ll t h e L a s t J u d gm e nt

by this name. I t is, in fact, a kind of martial law.

November 26.

V a ni t y m a ke s u g ly , o u gh t t h er e fo r e r e al l y t o k i ll , i n st e ad h o we v er i t

merely injures itself, becoming "injured vanity."

I t i s c om fo rt in g t o r ef le ct t ha t t he d is pr op or ti on o f t hi ng s i n t he

world seems to be only arithmetical.

A f te r no o n. L e tt i ng t h e h e ad f u ll o f d i sg u st a nd h a tr e d s i n k, t h e c h i n

upon the chest. Certainly, but what if someone is throttling you?

November 27.

Reading newspapers.

November 30

T h e M es s ia h w i ll c o me a s s o on a s t h e m o s t u n br i dl e d i n d i vi d ua l is m

i s p o ss i bl e i n f a it h ‐a s s o on a s n o bo d y d e st r oy s t h is p o ss i bi l it y a nd

n o b od y t o l e ra t e s t h a t d e s t r u ct i o n , t h a t i s , w h e n t h e g r a v e s o p e n . A n d

this is perhaps the Christian doctrine, both in the actual

d em on st ra ti on o f t he e xa mp le f or e mu la ti on , a n i nd iv id ua li st ic ‐


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e x a mp l e , a n d a l s o i n t h e s y m bo l i c d e m o ns t r at i o n o f t h e r e s u r r e ct i o n

of the Mediator in the individual human being.

B e l ie v i ng m e a ns l i b er a t in g t h e i n d e s t ru c t i bl e e l e m en t i n o n e s el f , o r ,

m or e a cc ur at el y, l ib er at in g o ne se lf , o r, m or e a cc ur at el y, b ei ng indestructible, or, more accurately, being.

I dleness is the beginning of all vice, the crown of all virtues.

L et ti ng t he h ea d t ha t i s f il le d w it h d is gu st a nd h at e d r o op o n t h e

breast.

T h e h u n t i n g d o g s a r e s t i l l r o m p i n g i n t h e y a r d , b u t t h e p r e y w i l l n o t e sc ap e t he m, h ow ev er m uc h i t m ay b e s ta mp ed in g t hr ou gh t he

woods even now.

A ridiculous way you have girded yourself up for this world.

T he mo re h or se s yo u h ar ne ss t o t he j ob, t he f as ter th e th ing

g oe s‐ th at i s t o s ay , n ot t ea ri ng t he b lo ck o ut o f i ts b as e, w hi ch i s

i mp os si bl e, b ut t ea ri ng t he s tr ap s t o s hr ed s, a nd a s a r es ul t t he

weightless merry journey.

The various forms of despair at the various stations on the road.

I n G e rm an t he w o r d sein s t a n d s b o t h f o r t h e v e r b t o b e a n d f o r t h e

possessive pronoun his .

December 2.

T he y w ere g ive n th e ch oi ce o f b ec omi ng k ing s o r th e k ing s' m es se ng er s. A s i s t he w ay w it h c hi ld re n, t he y a ll w an te d t o b e

m e ss e ng e rs . T h at i s w h y t h er e a r e o n ly m e ss e ng e rs , r a ci n g t h ro u gh

t h e w o r l d a n d , s i n c e t h e r e a r e n o k i n g s , c a l l i n g o u t t o e a c h o t h e r t h e

m e s sa g e s t h a t h a v e n o w b e c om e m e a n i n gl e s s . T h e y w o u l d g l a d l y p u t

a n e n d t o t h e i r m i s e r a b l e l i f e , b u t t h e y d o n o t d a r e t o d o s o b e c a u s e

of their oath of loyalty.


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December 4.

Stormy night, in the morning telegram from Max, truce with Russia.

T h e M es s ia h w i l l c o me o n ly w h en h e i s n o l o n g er n e ce s sa r y, h e w i ll

c o m e o n l y o n e d a y a f t e r h i s a r r i v a l , h e w i l l n o t c o m e o n t h e l a s t d a y ,

but on t

franz kafka - the blue octavo notebooks (1917-19) - google docs

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