The Frame Control Bible by Nick Sparks

www.thesocialman.com

Frame Control: What is it?

!   Every person has an interpretation of the world (their frame)

!   Reality is always malliable and is subject to interpretation

!   Whoever is more convinced of their interpretation will influence the interpretation of everyone around them

What is Frame Control Dependant On?

!   Her level of trust and comfort with you

!   The “strength” of your frame

!   The “attractiveness” of your frame

Her Level of Trust and Comfort

!   A woman won’t adopt your frame if she doesn’t trust, like, or feel safe with you

Developing a Strong Frame

!   Can be done directly or indirectly

!   Direct frame development: Reinforcement of frame through concious thoughts. IE: “She really wants to kiss me right now”

!   Indirect frame development: Expressing a particular frame to others, even if you don’t fully believe it and getting positive feedback that will strengthen that frame

Developing an Attractive Frame

!   Certain frames of reality are more attractive than others

!   Positive vs. negative frames

!   We’ll look at specific attractive frames in a bit

Is Frame Control Manipulation?

!   Human beings, esp. women are looking for leadership

!   If your frame is a selfish one, i.e. “I want women to worship me because it will make me feel good about myself”, then women will be less likely to adopt your frame

!   Conversely, if your frame is one that will benefit her she is more likely to follow, i.e. “We are going to have an amazing night together”

!   Key take-away: Your frame should always be based on mutual-benefit

Frame Control Happens On Two Levels

!   Physical: How you move your body and the amount of physical touch you initiate

!   Verbal: The words that come out of your mouth that will set the tone of an interaction

!   Key: As long as she trusts you and your frame is strong and attractive, she will follow your lead.

Don’t Do What ‘Donnie Don’t’ Does

!   Donnie keeps physical touching low because his frame is that touching is awkward - and thus she follows his lead

!   Donnie waits for obvious indicators of interest from a woman to escalate, and is thus is dependant on her frame

!   Donnie isn’t sure if a woman will like him or not and therefore, neither is she

Her Frame When She Is Approached

!   This guy looks fun. I want to talk to him

!   He doesn’t look like the kind of guy I want to talk to

!   I’m having a girls night

!   I’m not interested in being “picked up”

!   Why can’t I find a man?

!   I have a guy already and am not interested in being picked up

!   I look terrible tonight, no guy would want me

!   I look hot, I can have my pick of men in here

!   An infinite possibility of things

Sometimes Her Frame Is Strong

!   Example: If a married woman is totally in love with her husband, her frame that she’s not interested in meeting a new guy is probably very strong.

!   In this case, you probably won’t be able to get her in bed. This has nothing to do with you

Sometimes, Her Frame is Malleable

!   She is looking for a stronger, more attractive frame from a guy she feels comfortable with

Donnie’s Frame When Approaching

!   I’m going to open and run a routine and then look for IOI’s

!   I hope she likes me

!   She’s out of my league

!   She can have her pick out of every guy in here

!   I’m not really sure if that was an IOI or not

!   She’s on her phone, I can’t talk to her

!   If I get her, I win. If not, I lose.

How Does Donnie Communicate This Frame?

!   Weak eye contact

!   Looking to her for approval after he says something

!   Appearing displeased if she doesn’t give the reaction he’s looking for

!   Running for cover if he’s not greeted with smiles

!   Being oblivious to her reaction

!   Speaking in a “defeated” tone

The Correct Frame When Approaching

!   This woman is attractive, I’d like to get to know her better

!   She will have a better time talking to me than not

!   If she doesn’t like me at first, it’s simply because she doesn’t know me well enough yet

!   I wonder what’s going on in her world

How Do You Communicate This Frame?

!   Strong eye contact

!   Looking away with a smile on your face after you say something

!   Appearing happy and content regardless of her reaction

!   Standing strong if you don’t get positive reactions at first because you know they’ll come

!   Paying attention to what she’s saying and feeling so you can vibe with her instead of trying to bulldoze her with your own words

!   Speaking as though you couldn’t be more sure of the words coming out of your mouth

Donnie’s Frame When Escalating

!   I think she wants me to touch her now

!   I hope she lets me kiss her

!   I better wait for another IOI before I try anything

!   If I get her number I’ll be such a baller

!   What if she doesn’t like me touching her?

!   When is the right time???

!   She didn’t like my touching, looks like this one is lost

!   If she does like me touching her, I can escalate further until she tells me to stop

How Does Donnie Communicate this frame?

!   Nervously sliding his hand to her back and waiting for her response

!   Getting excited because he’s getting a number

!   Waiting for some signal from her to make a move

!   Awkwardly going for a kiss before the vibe is right

!   Acting withdrawn and bitter if she denies his advances

!   Mechanically increasing the level of touch until she stops him

The Correct Frame When Escalating

!   She’s cool, I want to make her feel good by getting close to her

!   She’s sexy, we would both melt if we kissed right now

!   Why wouldn’t she want more touching?

!   She’s smiling and talking to me, she wants me to take things further

!   I need that number so we can see each other again

!   This feels good. It’s so the right time

!   She didn’t like my touching? It’s ok, some people are less comfortable with themselves than I am

!   I want to touch her to make her feel good, but she’ll also like it if I pull back for a moment to build the tension

How Do You Communicate This Frame?

!   Moving closer to her - not just trying to touch her

!   Acting as though the number exchange is an inconvenience on the road to getting to getting to know her better

!   Make a move because you want to because you can’t help how attracted to her

!   Understand if she denies your advances but remain unapologetic since you can’t help it in the first place

!   Move in to make both of you feel good, and then move away for a moment to make the touching more powerful

Of Course It’s Not That Easy

!   A woman will test your frame...

!   not to be a bitch (most of the time) but...

!   She needs to know if you’re more than a figment of her imagination

I Love Tests

!   She needs to know if you’re really a strong, confident, sexy man who goes after what he wants or if you’re full of shit

!   Being strong enough to pass a woman’s tests makes you strong enough to pass the world’s tests

The Frame Control Cheat Sheet Everything You’ll Ever Need Pass Every Test

Non-verbal Tests

!   Anytime she pulls, turns, or looks away

!   The answer: Mirror

!   Although your instinct may be to try and get her attention back, it stems from insecurity

!   Instead, pull, turn, and look away as well. After demonstrating your non-neediness, face each other and continue where you left off

Responding to Verbal Tests

!   In general: You are unflinching

!   Important: Keep eye contact

!   Speak slowly and 100% sure of yourself

!   Move a bit closer as you answer

!   Keep a half smile on your face to show you’re unfazed

“So what do you do?”

!   This usually isn’t even a test; Girls want to make sure that you’re not a psycho - having a job is a good way to communicate that

!   You can be evasive once, but answer honestly the second time

!   “A little bit of this, a little bit of that”

!   “I run this town”

“You’re Such a Player”

!   “I can’t help it if girls like me”

!   “I don’t do it on purpose”

!   “Takes one to know one”

!   “Yeah but only a little bit”

!   “I just really love women. It’s not my fault”

!   “Women just always seduce me. I don’t want to be rude and shoot them down”

“I’m not going home with you”

!   “You really shouldn’t. I mean I know I can behave myself but I really can’t trust you”

!   “Of course you’re not, I barely know you”

!   “You’re right. I mean I would love to cuddle with you but you would probably try to seduce me”

!   “Whoa, I never invited you. Although that’s not a bad idea”

!   “Aww, you’re funny”

She turns from your kiss

!   “How dare you seduce me and then turn away” (With a disconnect)

!   “That’s too bad, that would have been fun.”

!   “There’s a good chance that you’ll regret that later”

!   “Ohh I got the cheek, I’m going to be scarred for life now. How can you live with yourself”

!   “I love it when a girl turns away like that. Can you promise you’ll never kiss me? That was way more fun”

“I’m too much for you”

!   “Oh yeah, I can tell I wouldn’t be able to keep up with that” (Sarcastically)

!   “Darling, you have no idea what you’re getting yourself into”

!   “You’re right, he looks more your speed” (Point to awkward guy)

!   “Ooh, you sound like fun”

!   “I like my chances”

“I only date ‘X’”

!   “I bet you don’t”

!   “That’s cool. I don’t really have a type. Life’s more fun when you try everything”

!   “That’s too bad, this would have been fun”

!   “‘X’ and guys who (describe yourself positively) of course”

!   “Well I’m not ‘X’, so how are we going to make this work?

“I don’t even know you”

!   “You’re right. This is crazy”

!   “I know. It’s a good thing we’re attracted to each other”

!   “I know. You really shouldn’t be looking at me like that”

!   “It’s funny, I was just thinking the exact same thing about you”

!   “You’re right. Hi, I’m Nick”

“Why should I give you my number?”

!   “You really shouldn’t. We’d end up spending too much time together and we’d never get anything done”

!   “Because you’d love to talk to me more, don’t be silly”

!   “Because you haven’t done enough nice things for yourself yet today”

!   “I probably wouldn’t if I were you, but you like me for some crazy reason”

!   “Because life will be more fun”

“You’re so full of Shit”

!   “Of course I am but you love it”

!   “Darling, you really should trust people more. You’ll thank me for that advice later”

!   “It’s pretty ironic that you’re telling me that right now” (laughing)

!   “Maybe, but what if I wasn’t?”

!   “It’s a good thing that you like that in a guy”

Transitioning

!   After you pass her test, simply go right back to where you were before

!   Get to know each other better

!   Escalate, both persoanlly and physically

Framing Her Making Her Whoever You Want Her to Be

Women Want to feel Sexy

!   How you treat a woman will determine how she behaves toward you

Donnie Don’t

!   Frames Donnie puts on a woman:

!   “You’re so difficult”

!   “You’re so moody”

!   “You’re so much work”

!   “You’re a pain”

!   “You’re boring”

!   Why do you think Donnie only finds difficult, boring, and moody pains-in-the-asses?

Attractive frames

!   Frames you should put on a woman:

!   “You’re so much fun”

!   “You’re trouble” (in a good way)

!   “You’re trying to seduce me”

!   “Stop looking at me like that”

!   “You’re sexy”

!   “You’re so spontaneous and adventurous”

!   Don’t be surprised when you find fun, adventurous, spontaneous, seductive, and sexy women who look at you like “that”