Four

Weddingsand a

Funeral

RICHARD

CURTIS

Level 5

Retold by Cherry Gilchrist

Series Editors: A n d y Hopkins and Jocelyn Potter

Contents

pag

e Introduction

v T h e People in this Story

vi Chapter 1 T h e First Wedding

1

Chapter 2 T h e Second Wedding 22

Chapter 3 A Free Saturday 36

Chapter 4 T h e Third Wedding 45

Chapter 5 A Funeral 52

Chapter 6 T h e Fourth Wedding 56

Activities 69

V

Introduction

It's a summer Saturday morn ing , a n d Charles i s still a s leep. H

e should b e o n his w a y t o Angus a n d Laura's wedd in g already!

Charles i s always late, a n d h e i s always go ing t o weddings . B

u t t h e y a r e always other people's weddings , never h i s o w n .

He has h a d plenty of girlfriends, b u t h e i s worr i e d that h e

w i l l never find t h e right w o m a n t o marry. Henrietta , o n e o

f his o l d girlfriends, thinks that h e h a s a b i g prob lem w i th

w o m e n . B u t w h e n h e d o e s m e e t a beautiful w o m a n called

Carr ie , h e wants t o b e w i th h e r very much . T h e trouble i s ,

h e can't decide quickly enough , and s h e marries another man.

Th is i s a story about love; it takes u s t o four weddings .

Three o f t h e weddings are f o r Charles's friends. W h o is t h e

fourth for? There are a

f e w surprises at t h e fourth wedding! I t i s a l s o a story

about Charles's group o f friends. W e meet t h e lively Scarlett, i

n h e r strange clothes, T o m a n d Fiona, t h e rich brother a n d

sister, a n d Gareth , t h e 'rude, fat man ' .

There i s sadness t o o i n t h e story, w h e n o n e o f t h e

friends dies suddenly. T h e funeral teaches people a l o t , a n d

after i t Charles finally decides what t o d o — o r does h e ?

T h e f i lm w a s made i n 1993 a n d i s enormous ly popular.

H u g h Grant i s Charles , a n d And ie M a c D o w e l l i s Carr ie .

R ichard Curt is wrote t h e words f o r t h e f i lm, a n d he h a d

to rewrite them seventeen times! H i s girlfriend E m m a made

h i m wr i te a l o t o f i t again. S h e used t o wr i te t h e

letters C D B o n his pages, w h i c h meant ' C o u l d D o

Better ' ! People suggested f i f ty - four different names f o r t h e

f i lm. O n e o f t h e m w a s Always Late, and o n e was In Love in

England. Actual ly t h e story says a lot about love and

weddings i n Britain today. People ask themselves

questions like: 'Should w e h a v e a b ig wedding? Should i t b e

i n t h e way that o u r parents want? Or should we g e t marr ied

a t all?'

v i

The People in this Story

There are a l o t o f different people i n this story. Th is list i s

f o r y o u t o look back at, a n d check who's w h o , a s y o u read.

T h e t w o most important characters are:

CHARLES (also s ometimes called Charl ie) : A n attractive u n

marr ied man w h o h a s h a d a l o t o f different girlfriends. B u

t h e doesn't really fall i n

love until h e meets Carr ie .

CARRIE: A beautiful y o u n g Amer i ca n w o m a n w h o has

worked i n fashion.

O t h e r important characters a r e :

SCARLETT: A lively y o u n g w o m a n w h o shares a flat w i th

Charles. She i s n o t h i s girlfriend. S h e wou l d like t o f i n d a

boyfriend, but can't y e t f i n d t h e r ight person.

TOM: A r ich but n o t v e r y clever friend of Charles, w h o has n

o girlfriend b u t i s always searching f o r love. H e finally

finds it at the e n d of this story.

FIONA: Tom's sister. S h e i s v e r y clever and elegant, unlike

her brother. S h e doesn't have a boyfr iend because s h e i s in

love w i t h s omeone w h o doesn't love her.

HENRIETTA: S h e i s a n o l d girlfriend o f Charles's a n d s h e i

s still i n l o v e w i th h im. Unfortunately , Charles i s n o t i n

l o v e w i th h e r . People sometimes call h e r ' D u c k - F a c e '

behind h e r back.

GARETH: A loud, l ively friend of Charles's w h o enjoys h i s

f o o d and drink , a n d lives w i t h his boyfr iend, Matthew.

MATTHEW: Qu ie te r than Gareth, k ind a n d intelligent. Mat the w a n d

v i

Gareth have l ived together happily f o r a l o n g t ime.

JOHN: Henrietta's brother. H e i s a v e r y bor ing m a n , a n d t

h e group o f friends don't usually invite h i m to their

meetings a n d parties.

DAVID: Charles's younger brother. H e i s deaf, a n d c a n only

speak i n sign language, the language o f t h e hands wh i c h many

deaf people u s e .

vii

S E R E N A : A n affectionate y o u n g w o m a n , w h o falls i n love

w i th Dav id . S h e learns sign language specially s o t h a t she

c a n communicate w i t h h im.

B E R N A R D : Tom's b e s t friend. H e and Lydia g e t together

at t h e f irst wedding , a n d theirs i s t h e second w e d d i n g i n t h

e s tory.

LYDIA : Laura's bridesmaid at t h e f irst wedding . S h e doesn't

think m u c h of Bernard at t h e beginning , bu t quickly

changes her m i n d w h e n h e starts t o kiss her!

G E R A L D : A y o u n g priest. H e i s still studying a t t h e t ime

o f t h e f irst wedding . H e i s ready t o t a k e the s econd

wedd in g s ervice i n the story b u t h e i s n o t very self-

confident.

1

Chapter 1 T h e First W e d d i n g

You are invited to the wedding of Angus and Laura

on May 1st at St John's Church, Stoke Clandon, Somerset

It's A n g u s a n d Laura's w e d d i n g day, a n d C h a r l e s i s g o i n g t o b e

the i r bes t m a n . T h e b e s t m a n h a s t o l o o k after t h e

b r i d e g r o o m a n d g i ve h i m t h e w e d d i n g r i ng . T h e bes t m

a n a l s o h a s t o b e a t

t h e c h u r c h o n t i m e , b u t C h a r l e s i s n e v e r p u n c t u a l . H e i s

n o t e v e n a w a k e yet . T h e a l a r m c l o c k r ings l o u d l y

n e x t t o h i s b e d . H e reaches o u t h i s h a n d , tu rns i t off,

a n d g o e s b a c k t o s leep .

T h e w e d d i n g i s i n t h e w e s t o f E n g l a n d , w h i c h i s a t

least t w o o r three h o u r s b y c a r f r o m L o n d o n , w h e r e

C h a r l e s l ives . S o m e o f h i s o t h e r f r iends a r e a w a k e

t h o u g h . T h e y ' l l b e a t t h e w e d d i n g be fo r e C h a r l e s . I n

the i r large , f i n e h o u s e , T o m a n d F i o n a a r e u p a n d

g e t t i n g ready t o g o . T h e y a r e b r o t h e r a n d sister, a n d

t h e y

c o m e f r o m a v e r y r i c h family . T h e y a r e o p p o s i t e t ypes

o f p e o p l e : F i o n a i s a tall , e l egan t a n d c l eve r w o m a n ; T o m

i s a happy , b u t n o t v e r y i n te l l i gen t , m a n .

T o m en joys h i s f o o d , a n d h e ' s n o w e a t i n g a

l arge breakfas t w h i l e F i o n a c h o o s e s w h a t t o wear .

Final ly , s h e z i p s h e r s e l f i n t o a smar t dress. S h e g o e s

downs ta i r s t o t h e d i n i n g - r o o m a n d t h e m a i d g i ves h e

r a c u p o f b l a c k co f fee . S h e q u i c k l y d r i n k s i t , a n d

t h e y s e t off. It's Saturday, s o t h e traffic i s n o t t o o

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b a d , b u t t h e y mus tn ' t de lay a n y l o n g e r .

O n the i r w a y o u t o f L o n d o n , t h e y cal l f o r

G a r e t h a n d M a t t h e w , w h o l i v e t o g e t h e r i n a n

attract ive , c o u n t r y - s t y l e h o u s e . M a t t h e w i s a c o o l b u t

k i n d , s y m p a t h e t i c p e r s o n - a S c o t s m a n i n h i s th ir t ies .

G a r e t h i s a large , f a t m a n o f a b o u t f o r t y - f i ve . H i s hair i s

a l itt le grey, b u t his b e a r d i s s till b l ack . H e l ikes to w e

a r qu i t e e l egan t , b u t v e r y b r i g h t c l o t h e s . H e l oves t o

j o k e , a n d i s o f t e n

3

q u i t e r u d e t o o t h e r p e o p l e . G a r e t h a n d M a t t h e w a r e b o y f r i e n d s .

' La te ! Y o u ' r e late! ' h e s h o u t s , p o i n t i n g a t h i s w a t c h .

B u t T o m a n d F i o n a k n o w G a r e t h w e l l , a n d d o n ' t t a k e

a n y n o t i c e .

T h e y a r e n o t a s late a s C h a r l e s t h o u g h , w h o i s

still as leep. Final ly , t h e s u n sh ines o n t o h i m t h r o u g h t

h e b e d r o o m cur ta ins a n d h e w a k e s u p . H e takes t h e

a l a r m c l o c k o f f t h e table nea r h i s b e d a n d l o o k s a t i t .

' O h G o d ! ' h e says. H e i s real ly a w a k e t h i s t i m e .

C h a r l e s i s t h i r t y - t h r e e years o l d , g o o d - l o o k i n g , a n d

a lways late. H e j u m p s o u t o f b e d a n d rushes i n t o

Scarlett 's b e d r o o m . C h a r l e s a n d Scar le t t share a f l a t

t oge ther . T h e y a r e f r iends , b u t n o t

lovers . H e r r o o m i s a t e r r ib l e m e s s - t here a

r e c l o the s e v e r y w h e r e . H e p i c k s u p h e r r e d a l a r m

c l o c k a n d pu t s i t u n d e r h e r n o se . S h e o p e n s h e r eyes s

leepi ly .

' O h he l l ! '

Scar le t t i s t w e n t y - f i v e , l ively, a n d a real L o n d o n g ir l .

Y o u c a n h e a r i t i n h e r v o i c e — she's ce r ta in l y n o t f

r o m a n upper - c l as s f ami l y !

T h e y h u r r y t o g e t ready, a n d r u n o u t t o t h e c a r ,

c a r r y i n g s o m e o f the i r f o r m a l w e d d i n g c l o the s w i t h

t h e m . T h e c a r i s Char les ' s , a n d it's v e r y o ld . T h e e n g i n e

w o n ' t start.

' O h G o d ! O h he l l ! ' s a y s C h a r l e s . ' R i g h t , w e ' d

be t t e r take yours . '

' M i n e ? ' s a y s S c a r l e t t . ' B u t i t o n l y g o e s a t f o r t y m i l e s an h o u r ! '

C h a r l e s d r i ves h e r c a r so f a s t a l o n g t h e

m o t o r w a y t h a t i t shakes . I t i s a v e r y smal l , r e d c a r , a

n d it's also v e r y o l d a n d rusty. T h e e n g i n e m a k e s a

te r r ib l e no i se . Scar le t t can ' t h a v e l o o k e d after i t v e r y

4

w e l l !

' W h a t r o a d a r e w e l o o k i n g f o r? ' a s k s C h a r l e s .

Scar le t t h a s a m a p , b u t s h e hasn' t l o o k e d a t i t ye t . S

h e p i c k s i t u p j u s t a s t h e y pass a m o t o r w a y e x i t s i g n .

' I h o p e it's n o t t h e B 3 5 9 , ' C h a r l e s says w h e n h e

sees t h e s ign b e h i n d h i m .

5

Scar let t f i nd s t h e r i g h t p l ac e on t h e m a p . 'It's t h e

B 3 5 9 , ' s h e says p roud ly .

' D a m n ! ' says C h a r l e s . H e s u d d e n l y p u t s h i s f o o t o n t

h e b r a k e a n d starts t o d r i ve b a c k w a r d s a l o n g t h e

m o t o r w a y . T h e r e i s a l o r r y c o m i n g u p fast b e h i n d

t h e m , a n d t here i s near l y a t e r r ib l e ac c i d e n t . C h a r l e s

turns t h e c a r o n t o t h e ex i t r oad .

' O h , he l l a n d d a m n ! ' h e says aga in .

I t i s a beaut i fu l s u n n y d a y n o t l o n g after n o o n a s

t h e y a r r i ve a t t h e smal l c h u r c h i n t h e p e a c e f u l

c o u n t r y s i d e . T h e c h u r c h bel ls a r e r i n g i n g a n d a l l t h e

o t h e r guests a r e a l ready ins ide . C h a r l e s a n d Scar let t j u

m p o u t o f t h e car. C h a r l e s hasn' t f i n i s h e d dress ing a n d

n e i t h e r h a s Scar le t t . T h e y q u i c k l y p u t o n t h e r e

s t o f t he i r w e d d i n g c l o thes . F o r C h a r l e s , it's a f o r m a l

suit . B u t Scar le t t i s w e a r i n g a b r i g h t o r a n g e dress w i t h

p u r p l e a r o u n d t h e wa is t , a n d a n o r a n g e h a t t o m a t c h .

C h a r l e s tr ies t o h e l p h e r d o i t u p a t t h e b a c k , b u t t h e

z i p gets s tuck .

' H e l l , he l l i sh he l l ! ' says C h a r l e s , p u l l i n g a t t h e z ip .

' D a m n a n d he l l ! ' says Scarlett . S h e tr ies t o g e t his

t ie straight . A v e r y large smart c a r dr ives u p b e h i n d t h e m .

T h e b r i d e i s c o m i n g .

S h e gets o u t o f t h e car i n h e r beau t i f u l w h i t e

w e d d i n g dress. O n e o f h e r b r i d e s m a i d s he lps her . T

h e y a r e b o t h h o l d i n g w o n d e r f u l b u n c h e s o f f l owers .

' O h n o ! ' C h a r l e s s ays, a n d t h e y b e g i n t o r u n

t o w a r d s t h e c h u r c h . T h e y s m i l e a n d w a v e a t t h e b r i d e

a s t h e y pass her .

T h e c h u r c h i s ful l o f f l owers a n d a l l t he w o m e n

guests a r e w e a r i n g e l egan t hats. C h a r l e s a n d Scar le t t

6

l o o k a r o u n d a n d f inal ly s e e the i r f r iends , F i o n a a n d T o m ,

G a r e t h a n d M a t t h e w . T h e y g o o v e r t o t h e m .

F i o n a s a y s t o C h a r l e s , ' T h e r e i s a s o r t o f

greatness in y o u r lateness. '

' T h a n k s , ' C h a r l e s repl ies . ' I h a v e t o w o r k har d a t i t , y o u k n o w . '

4

Scar let t sits d o w n w i t h t h e m , b u t C h a r l e s p u t s a p i n k f l owe r i n

t h e b u t t o n h o l e o f h i s j a c k e t a n d w a l k s o n u p t h e c h u r c h

t o A n g u s , t h e b r i d e g r o o m , w h o i s w a i t i n g n e r v o u s l y f o r

h i s best m a n .

' S o r r y sorry, ' s a y s C h a r l e s . ' T h e r e ' s n o e x c u s e , I

k n o w . I ' l l k i l l m y s e l f a f terwards , i f y o u l ike. '

' I t d o e s n ' t matter , ' s a y s A n g u s . ' I f y o u hadn ' t c o m e T

o m w o u l d h a v e t a k e n y o u r p lace . '

' T h a n k s , T o m - y o u ' r e w o n d e r f u l ! W h a t a t e r r ib l e

ha i rcu t t h o u g h ! ' C h a r l e s j o k e s .

' Y o u haven ' t f o r g o t t e n t h e r i n g , h a v e y o u ? ' a s k s

A n g u s . T h e bes t m a n i s a lways g i v e n t h e r i n g t o b r i n g

t o t h e c h u r c h .

' N o , n o , o f c o u r s e not . ' C h a r l e s t o u c h e s h i s p o c k e t

con f ident l y . B u t h e i s secre t l y a l a r m e d . W h e r e i s t h e

r i ng ? W h e n A n g u s isn't l o o k i n g , h e searches f o r i t in h i

s p o c k e t s , b u t t h e y a r e a l l e m p t y . O h G o d ! H e m u s t h a

v e left i t a t h o m e !

Just t h e n , a n a t t ract ive g i r l i n a large b l a c k h a t a n d

w h i t e j a c k e t w a l k s i n t o t h e c h u r c h .

C h a r l e s a n d severa l o t h e r guests t u r n t o l o o k a t h e r .

' La te ! ' s a y s C h a r l e s . ' I ha te i t w h e n p e o p l e a r e late! Hate it.'

T h i s m a k e s A n g u s smi le a l i tt le a n d h e s eem s l e s s

n e r v o u s n o w . T h e n t h e w e d d i n g m u s i c starts.

' H e r e w e g o ! ' s a y s C h a r l e s , a n d A n g u s turns r o u n d t

o l o o k a t h i s b r i d e , w h o i s w a l k i n g u p t h e a i s l e

t oward s h i m . Laur a i s h o l d i n g o n t o h e r father's a r m , a

n d she's w e a r i n g a v e r y e x p e n s i v e w h i t e w e d d i n g dress.

S h e has t w o l i tt le b r i d e s m a i d s , a n d o n e o l d e r

b r i d e s m a i d , a y o u n g w o m a n ca l l ed Lyd ia .

' O h , isn't s h e beaut i fu l ! ' b rea the s Scar let t .

' Y o u ' r e b l ind , ' says F i o n a sharply . ' S h e l o o k s l ike a b

5

i g w h i t e cake. '

' D e a r f r i ends , I a m s o h a p p y t o w e l c o m e y o u h e r e

today, ' t h e pr ies t b e g i n s t h e se rv ice . ' W e l c o m e t o

o u r c h u r c h o n this w o n d e r f u l d a y f o r A n g u s a n d

Laura ! '

B u t C h a r l e s i s l o o k i n g a r o u n d h i m , w o n d e r i n g w h a t t od o

6

a b o u t t h e r i n g . W h e n h e s e e s t h e g i r l i n the b l ack h a t ,

h e starts t o t h i n k a b o u t o t h e r th ings — she's v e r y

attract ive . T h e n h e r e m e m b e r s that there i s a m o r e

u r g e n t p r o b l e m . E v e r y o n e i s s i n g i n g n o w . H e tr ies t o

m a k e o n e o f h i s f r iends n o t i c e h i m , b u t h a s n o l u c k .

A t last M a t t h e w l o o k s a t h i m . C h a r l e s po in t s a t h i s

o w n r i n g f inger a n d t h e p a i n o n h i s face tells M a t t h e w

w h a t t h e p r o b l e m i s .

'P lease ! H e l p m e ! ' C h a r l e s s i lent ly m a k e s t h e w o r d s

w i t h h i s l ips.

M a t t h e w wh ispers t o G a r e t h , b u t G a r e t h ho lds o u t

b o t h hands t o s h o w that there i s n o r i n g o n t h e m . H e

wh i sper s t o F iona , a n d t o several m o r e fr iends t oo . N o n e

o f t h e m i s w e a r i n g a r ing . Char l e s w i l l be i n b i g t rouble! T

h e s ing in g i s c o m i n g t o a n e n d n o w .

Scar let t i s s i n g i n g v e r y l o u d l y a n d enthus ias t ica l l y b u t

n o t v e r y w e l l . M a t t h e w i n te r rup t s h e r .

'Scar le t t ! ' w h i s p e r s M a t t h e w . S h e i s the i r l a s t h o p e .

S h e smi les b a c k a t h i m i n n o c e n t l y . W h e n t h e pr ies t

b e g i n s t o r e a d t h e n e x t w o r d s o f t h e se rv i ce , M a t t h e w

n o d s t o C h a r l e s — yes , t h e y ' v e g o t s o m e t h i n g !

' I ' l l b e b a c k i n a m o m e n t ! ' C h a r l e s s a y s t o t h e

g r o o m , w h o l o o k s a l a r m e d .

T h e pr ies t c o n t i n u e s t o speak: ' D o y o u p r o m i s e

t o l o v e h e r . . . ? ' w h i l e C h a r l e s g o e s d o w n t h e s ide o f

t h e c h u r c h t o f i n d M a t t h e w .

A n g u s , t h e b r i d e g r o o m , i s say ing ' I d o . '

M a t t h e w hand s s o m e t h i n g t o C h a r l e s , a n d

C h a r l e s l o o k s surpr i se d a t w h a t M a t t h e w h a s g i v e n h i m .

'It's t h e bes t I c o u l d do, ' w h i s p e r s M a t t h e w .

C h a r l e s rushes b a c k t o t h e f ron t o f t h e c h u r c h .

' D o y o u have t h e r i n g ? ' asks t h e pr iest .

W h e n h e sees i t , h e i s q u i t e surpr i se d t o o . A n g u s p u t

7

s t h e r i n g on to h i s br ide ' s f inger . I t i s in t h e shape

o f a large , b r i g h t l y - c o l o u r e d plast ic hear t .

6

W h i l e t h e h a p p y c o u p l e a r e s i g n i n g the i r n a m e s a t t

h e b a c k o f t h e c h u r c h , t h e br ide ' s sister a n d h e r

b o y f r i e n d c o m e f o rwards w i t h a gu i t a r t o s i n g p o p

m u s i c . It's a n o l d B a r r y M a n i l o w s o n g .

G a r e t h h o l d s h i s h e a d i n h i s hands . T h e n h e

p re tend s t o s h o o t h imse l f . H e i s l e t t i n g e v e r y b o d y k n o w

that i t i s o n e o f t h e m o s t t e r r ib l e t h ing s he h a s e v e r

h e ar d .

A t last it's t i m e t o l eave t h e c h u r c h . W h e n t h e

b r i d e , t h e g r o o m a n d t h e gues ts w a l k o u t o f t h e

c h u r c h t h e y l o o k v e r y happy . E v e r y b o d y i s s m i l i n g

a n d cha t t i ng . C h a r l e s ca tches up w i t h t h e g i r l i n t h e

b l a c k h a t ou t s ide .

' T h a t ' s a g rea t hat, ' h e says.

' T h a n k s — I b o u g h t i t spec ia l l y ' s h e smi les a t h i m . H e

c a n hea r f r o m h e r a c c e n t t h a t she's A m e r i c a n .

N o w it's t i m e f o r t h e w e d d i n g p h o t o s . T h e

p h o t o g r a p h e r a r range s the b r i d e , t h e g r o o m a n d t h e

f am i l y i n g r o u p s f o r t h e d i f ferent p i c tures . A l i tt le b o y

spoi ls o n e o f t h e m w h e n h e tr ies t o h i d e u n d e r t h e b i g

skirts o f t h e br ide ' s w e d d i n g dress. H e th inks it's f u n n y

— b u t t h e o t h e r s d o n ' t .

C h a r l e s a n d h i s f r iends a l l g e t t o g e t h e r i n the i r o w

n g r o u p t o cha t . T h e r e ' s M a t t h e w a n d G a r e t h , there 's

F i o n a a n d T o m , a n d o f c o u r s e t h e l i ve ly Scar le t t .

T h e r e ' s Char les ' s b ro ther , D a v i d , t o o , w h o i s d e a f a n d

c o m m u n i c a t e s i n s i g n l a n g u a g e u s i n g h i s hands . A n d

there 's also B e r n a r d , w h o i s T o m ' s b e s t f r i e n d — h e i s

l i k e T o m , a k i n d m a n , b u t n o t v e r y c lever .

T o m e n j o y e d t h e w e d d i n g a n d s o d i d B e r n a r d .

' I t h o u g h t i t w a s g o o d , v e r y g o o d , ' says T o m .

' W h a t d i d y o u t h i n k ? '

' O h . y e s , a p o d , v e r y g o o d , ' repl ies B e r n a r d .

7

'Scar lett , ' says G a r e t h , ' w h a t a n a m u s i n g dress!

P u r p l e f o r t h e C h r i s t i a n c h u r c h , a n d o r a n g e f o r t h e

w i l d natura l w o r l d . J u s t l i k e t h e m e a n i n g o f t h e

w e d d i n g itself, d o n ' t y o u t h i n k ? '

' Ye s — that's r ight , ' says Scar let t , w h o doesn ' t real ly k

n o w w h a t h e m e a n s .

8

' D o e s a n y b o d y know , ' a s k s C h a r l e s , ' w h o t h e g i r l i

n t h e b l a c k h a t is?'

T h e y a l l l o o k a t h e r . S h e i s s t a n d i n g n o t f a r

away, t a l k i n g t o s o m e b o d y ' s g r a n d m o t h e r .

' H e r name ' s C a r r i e , ' says F i o n a .

'She 's pretty, ' says C h a r l e s .

' A w f u l g i r l ! ' says F i o n a . 'She 's A m e r i c a n . S h e u s e d t o w o r k a t

Vogue, t h e f a sh io n m a g a z i n e . * S h e l ives i n A m e r i c a

n o w , a n d s h e o n l y g o e s o u t w i t h v e r y smart , e l e g a n t

p e o p l e . S o y o u c a n f o r g e t a b o u t her , Char les . '

F i o n a i s n o t c o m p l e t e l y se r i ous .

'It's a g o o d t h i n g y o u t o l d m e , ' s a y s C h a r l e s , w h o k n o w s this .

' T h a n k s. '

T h e b r i d e a n d g r o o m l eave t h e guests a n d g e t i n t

o the i r car. T h e y l o o k v e r y happy . P e o p l e w a v e a t

t h e m a s t h e c a r i s b e i n g d r i v e n away.

' R i g h t , ' s a y s Gare th . ' I t ' s t i m e f o r t h e r ecep t i on . '

T h e guests hav e t o w a l k t h r o u g h a f a r m t o g e t t o t h e

r e c e p t i o n . I t i s v e r y pretty , b u t T o m steps i n s o m e c o w

mess .

' D i d a n y o f y o u d o this t o o ? ' h e asks, l o o k i n g a t h i s shoe .

' Typ i ca l ! ' says F i o n a . ' O n l y m y b r o t h e r c o u l d d o that! '

'We l l , ' said T o m , ' I m i g h t f ind l o v e a t t h e

r e c e p t i o n . T h e r e m i g h t b e a real ly n i c e g i r l there ! I

d o n ' t w a n t t o s po i l m y g o o d

l u c k w i t h a h o r r i b l e smel l ! '

H e s tops t o c l ea n h i s shoe , a n d t h e o the r s w a l k o n

t oward s t h e h o u s e . T h e b r i d e a n d g r o o m a n d the i r

9

fami l ie s a r e s t a n d i n g ou t s id e i n a l ine . E v e r y b o d y h

a s t o shake the i r h a n d s a n d c o n g r a t u l a t e t h e m a s t h

e y g o past .

' I n e v e r k n o w w h a t t o say,' s a y s F i o n a .

* A magaz ine w h i c h i s ve ry f amou s i n Br i ta in and A m e r i c a .

8

'It's easy. Just s a y " Y o u m u s t b e v e r y p r o u d , ' "

M a t t h e w adv ises her . ' T h a t ' s w h a t e v e r y o n e says.'

' G o d , n o ! ' s a y s F i o n a .

T h e y w a l k u p t h e l ine .

' Y o u m u s t b e v e r y p r o u d o f y o u r daughter , ' s a y s

F i o n a , a s s h e shakes t h e h a n d o f t h e br ide ' s father .

T h e r e c e p t i o n i s b e i n g h e l d i n a v e r y l arge a n d smar t tent , o n

t h e grass a t t h e f ron t o f t h e h o u s e . I t i s full o f

f l owers , a n d l o o k s v e r y beaut i fu l . T h e guests a r e e l egan t

t o o , b u t i n a c o m f o r t a b l e , n o t t o o r i c h w a y . M o s t o f t h

e m e n a r e w e a r i n g d a r k suits, a n d a

l o t o f t h e w o m e n h a v e dresses w i t h f l owers o n t h e m .

T h e d r i nk s a r e b e i n g s e rve d b y wa i t e r s a n d wai tresses , a

n d a t t h e b a c k o f t h e

ten t , t h e b a n d i s g e t t i n g r e ad y t o play.

C h a r l e s p u s h e s t h r o u g h t h e c r o w d , t r y i n g t o f ind

C a r r i e . B u t w h e n h e f inal ly s e e s h e r , she i s a l ready

t a l k in g t o a g o o d - l o o k i n g m a n .

' T h e rat! ' says C h a r l e s . H e g o e s b a c k t o t h e d r i n k s

table a n d takes t w o glasses o f w i n e . W h e n h e turns

r o u n d aga in , s h e i s a l one . H e of fers h e r a d r i n k .

' O h — h e l l o ! ' h e s a y s b r i g h t l y . ' D o y o u w a n t o n e o f these? '

' T h a n k y o u , ' C a r r i e rep l ies .

C h a r l e s b a d l y w a n t s t o talk t o h e r , b u t h e

can ' t t h i n k o f a n y t h i n g t o say.

' A h - m m m —'

T h e s i tua t i o n i s f a the r e m b a r r a s s i n g f o r t h e m b o t h .

B e f o r e h e c a n t h i n k o f s o m e t h i n g , a n o t h e r m a n

j o i n s t h e m . T h i s i s J o h n , w h o i s a b o u t t h i r t y - e i g h t , b u t

b e h a v e s l i k e a m a n o f sixty. H e i s v e r y f o r m a l .

' H e l l o Ch ar l e s , ' he says.

' A h , h e l l o , d e a r J o h n — h o w a r e y o u ? T h i s i s . . . '

9

' C a r r i e , ' answer s C a r r i e f o r h i m .

' I ' m d e l i g h t e d t o m e e t y o u . M y name ' s J ohn . '

T h e y a r e a l l s i l en t f o r a m o m e n t — w h o i s g o i n g t o s p e a k

10

first? C h a r l e s d e c i d e s t o b e t h e f irst .

' S o , J o h n , h o w ' s that l o v e l y g i r l f r i en d o f y o u r s ? '

'She 's n o t m y g i r l f r i en d now, ' h e repl ies s tiffly.

' O h dear — w e l l , d o n ' t b e s a d ! I h e a r d t h a t s h e w a s

s till s e e i n g o l d T o b y d e Lis le! S h e n e e d e d t w o m e n , y o

u k n o w ! '

' S h e i s n o w m y w i fe , ' says J o h n , e v e n m o r e stiff ly

T h e s i tuat ion i s n o w e v e n m o r e e m b a r r a s s i n g t h a n b e f o r e .

' E x c e l l e n t , e x c e l l en t ! ' s a y s C h a r l e s , v e r y

u n c o m f o r t a b l y . ' M a y I c o n g r a t u l a t e y o u ? A n d i s there t h

e s o u n d o f l i tt le f e e t y e t ? Y o u k n o w - bab ies , and a l l

that? N o ? O h w e l l , p l e n t y o f t i m e f o r that , isn't t he re? '

' E x c u s e m e , ' says C a r r i e , a m u s e d . S h e w a l k s away.

C h a r l e s tells h i m s e l f t h a t h e i s a f oo l . I f h e hadn ' t

s a i d those s tup id th ings , C a r r i e w o u l d n ' t have g o n e , a n d J

o h n w o u l d n ' t have b e e n hur t . He hits his h e a d against a

tree o n p u r p o s e , t h e n tries t o s a y he l l o t o a n o l d l ady w h

o i s w a l k i n g past. S h e th inks he i s crazy.

F i o n a h a s f o u n d a m a n ca l led G e r a l d t o t a l k t o

. H e l o o k s i n n o c e n t , b u t a b i t s t range t o o . H e i s

w e a r i n g a d a r k s u i t a n d a b l a c k pu l l over .

' W h a t d o y o u d o ? ' s h e asks h i m .

' I ' m s t u d y i n g t o b e a priest , ' h e answers .

' G o o d G o d , ' s a y s F i o n a . ' D o y o u d o w e d d i n g s ? '

' N o t y e t — I w i l l d o later, o f c o u r s e . It ' l l m a k e

m e v e r y n e r v o u s , I c a n tell y o u ! ' H e l augh s

u n c o m f o r t a b l y .

' Tha t ' s j u s t l i k e t h e first t i m e o n e h a s s e x , isn't i t ?

' F i o n a s a y s sweet ly .

G e r a l d i s e v e n m o r e e m b a r r a s s e d n o w . ' A h — w e l l ,

I s u p p o s e so —'

' N o t s o m u c h mess , t h o u g h , ' F i o n a c o n t i n u e s , b u t

11

G e r a l d c a n ' t rep ly a t a l l n o w .

D a v i d h a s c o m e o v e r t o t a l k t o C h a r l e s , h i s

b ro ther . C h a r l e s k n o w s s ign l a n g u a g e f o r t h e d e

a f v e r y w e l l , a n d h a s c o m m u n i c a t e d l i k e this w i t h

D a v i d s i n c e t h e y w e r e c h i l d r e n .

10

' H o w a r e y o u d o i n g ? ' D a v i d asks w i t h h i s hands .

' D o y o u r e m e m b e r that t i m e w h e n w e w e r e p l a y i n g

w i t h t h e e n g i n e o n D a d ' s m o t o r b o a t , a n d m y l e g w a s

a lmos t c u t o f f? '

'Yes. '

' W e l l , this i s worse . '

S o m e b o d y h a s b e e n w a t c h i n g D a v i d — a p re t t y g i r l

w i t h l o n g r e d hair . S h e i s w e a r i n g a b r i g h t y e l l o w hat . H

e r n a m e i s Se rena . S h e p o i n t s a t D a v i d .

' W h o ' s that b o y o v e r there i n t h e g r e y suit? ' she asks M a t t h e w .

' H i s n a m e ' s D a v i d , ' M a t t h e w answers .

' H e ' s v e r y a t tract ive , isn't h e ? ' s h e says.

'Yes — I ' v e a lways t h o u g h t so.'

' W h y a r e t h e y u s i n g t he i r hand s l i k e that? ' s h e asks.

' H e c a n ' t hear . H e ' s deaf, ' s a y s M a t t h e w .

' O h — g o o d h e a v e n s ! '

'S i l en t , b u t v e r y attract ive, ' M a t t h e w c o n t i n u e s .

A n d n o w t h e f a ther o f t h e b r i d e tells e v e r y o n e that

d i n n e r i s b e i n g se rved . H e a s k s t h e m t o g o i n t o t h e

t e n t a n d s i t d o w n . T h e y a l l f i nd the i r w a y t o the i r

tables . J o h n s i t s d o w n n e x t t o h i s w i f e , n o t a s h a p p y w

i t h h e r a s h e w a s ear l ier n o w that h e k n o w s a b o u t T o b y

d e L is le . C a r r i e s i t s n e x t t o G e o r g e , a n o t h e r stiff a n d

b o r i n g t y p e o f m a n w h o read a p i e c e f r o m t h e B i b l e

v e r y l o u d l y a t t h e w e d d i n g se rv i ce . Scar le t t s i t s d o w n

n e x t t o a c o m p l e t e s tranger , a n d g i ves h i m a b i g k i s s

o n t h e m o u t h .

' H i — m y n a m e ' s Scar let t ! D o n ' t l e t m e d r i n k t o o m u

c h — I g e t m u c h t o o f r i end ly ! '

C h a r l e s , a s b e s t m a n , h a s t o s i t o n t h e t o p table w i t h t h e f a m i l y

H e s i t s d o w n n e x t t o a n o l d m a n , w h o l o o k s a n n o y e d .

' H o w d o y o u d o — m y n a m e i s Char les . '

11

' D o n ' t b e s tup id! ' t h e o l d m a n says angr i ly .

' C h a r l e s d i e d t w e n t y years a g o ! '

' W e l l , tha t m u s t b e a d i f ferent Char l e s . '

' A r e y o u t e l l i ng m e that I d o n ' t k n o w m y o w n b r o t h e r ? '

12

C h a r l e s c a n s e e that t h e o l d m a n i s o b v i o u s l y m a d .

' N o , n o , o f c o u r s e not , ' C h a r l e s says hur r i ed l y , a n d

tr ies n o t t o have any m o r e c o n v e r s a t i o n w i t h h i m .

D i n n e r i s served , a n d e v e r y b o d y b e g i n s t o eat . Laura , t h

e b r i d e , i s v e r y happy , a n d l aughs and talks w i t h

e v e r y o n e n e a r h e r . E v e n A n g u s i s sm i l i ng , w h i c h i s

unusua l f o r h i m . I n E n g l a n d i t i s a c u s t o m f o r t h e

bes t m a n to m a k e a s p e e c h a n d a t l a s t it's t i m e f o r

C h a r l e s t o s t a n d u p . H e h i t s h i s glass l o u d l y w i t h a

s p o o n , a n d p e o p l e s top e a t i n g a n d t a lk ing . C h a r l e s i s

n e r v o u s .

'Lad ies a n d g e n t l e m e n , I ' m s o r r y t o take y o u a w a y f

r o m y o u r c o n v e r s a t i o n a n d t h e w o n d e r f u l f o o d , b u t

there a r e a f e w th ings that I n e e d t o s a y . T h i s i s o n l y

t h e s e c o n d t i m e t h a t I h a v e e v e r b e e n a bes t m a n . I

h o p e that I d i d t h e j o b w e l l t h e first t i m e . W e l l , t h e

b r i d e a n d g r o o m a r e still t a l k in g t o m e ! U n f o r t u n a t e l y

t h o u g h , they ' re n o t t a l k in g t o e a c h o ther .

' B u t p e o p l e s a y that I ' m n o t gui l ty . Y e s , I d i d s a y i n

m y s p e e c h that P iers , t h e g r o o m , h a d s lept w i t h Paula's

y o u n g e r sister. B u t Paula k n e w this a l ready — she real ly

d id ! S h e w a s a b i t su rpr i se d t o hea r that h e h a d a l s o

s lept w i t h h e r m o t h e r . B u t I d o n ' t t h i n k the i r v i o l e n t

t w o - d a y m a r r i a g e b r o k e u p b e c a u s e o f that . I real ly d o n ' t

t h i n k so! '

M o s t p e o p l e burs t o u t l a u g h i n g a t t h e j o k e - C a r r i e

i s o n e o f t h e m — a n d s o m e c lap , b u t there a r e a f e w

stra ight faces .

' B u t o f c o u r s e I ' m h e r e t o d a y t o talk a b o u t A n g u s , a n

d h e h a s n o t h i n g t o h ide , h a s he? W e l l , that's w h a t I

t h o u g h t a t first . . . '

13

P e o p l e a r e still l a u g h i n g , a s C h a r l e s b e c o m e s

ser ious f o r a m o m e n t .

' I 'd l ike t o s a y that I d o t h i n k v e r y h i g h l y o f p e o p l e

w h o g e t m a r r i e d , l ike A n g u s a n d Laura . M a r r i a g e i s a

b i g s t e p t o take , a n d I k n o w I c o u l d n ' t d o i t . B u t I

t h i n k it's w o n d e r f u l t h a t t h e y c a n . N o w , b a c k t o A n g u s

a n d t h o s e s h e e p ! '

1 2

E v e r y b o d y l augh s a n d c laps , a n d t h e n C h a r l e s asks

t h e m t o raise the i r glasses a n d d r i n k t o A n g u s a n d

Laura .

A f t e r t h e f o r m a l d i n n e r a n d s p e e c h e s , i t ' s t i m e t o

d a n c e . T h e b a n d p lays , a n d L a u r a a n d A n g u s a s b r i d e a n

d g r o o m a r e t h e first t o c o m e o u t o n t o t h e d a n c e

f loor . L a u r a en j oy s hersel f , a n d d ance s i n a v e r y l i ve l y

m a n n e r , b u t A n g u s m o v e s stiff ly Perhap s he's n e v e r

h e a r d p o p m u s i c be fo re . Scar le t t a n d T o m d a n c e

t oge ther . T h e y a r e b o t h enthus ias t i c dancers ; Scar le t t

dance s w i ld ly , a n d T o m v e r y badly , b u t t h e y e n j o y

t h e m s e l v e s e n o r m o u s l y . G a r e t h i s d a n c i n g l i ke a m a d m a n .

' W h e n I f i r s t s a w G a r e t h dance , ' M a t t h e w tellsC h a r l e s , ' I

t h o u g h t t o myse l f , " P e o p l e w i l l b e k i l l ed . L i ves w i l l b e los t . ' "

B u t C h a r l e s i s n o t real ly c o n c e n t r a t i n g o n w h a t

M a t t h e w i s say ing . H e i s l o o k i n g f o r C a r r i e . W h e n h e s

e e s her , s h e i s a l ready d a n c i n g w i t h a n o t h e r m a n .

'She ' s pretty , isn't she? ' M a t t h e w n o t i c e s that C h a r l e s i s

l o o k i n g a t her , ' I s i t l o v e ? '

T h i s m a y b e t rue , b u t C h a r l e s i s surpr i se d a n d a l a r m e d t o h e a r

M a t t h e w s a y i t .

' O h , g o o d G o d n o — n o , it's t h e m a n t h a t she's

d a n c i n g w i t h ! I w a s a t s c h o o l w i t h h i m . I ' m j u s t t r y i n g

t o r e m e m b e r h i s n a m e ! B u t - w e l l , i f o n e d i d m e e t

s o m e b o d y n i c e a t a w e d d i n g — a r e

there m e n w h o c o u l d a s k a g i r l t o g o o u t w i t h t h e m

a t o n c e ? O n t h e s a m e day, I m e a n ? '

' I f t h e r e are,' said M a t t h e w , ' t h e y ' r e n o t Eng l i sh . '

' E x a c t l y ! ' said C h a r l e s . ' I m e a n - i t usua l l y takes

1 2

m e a b o u t t h r e e w e e k s t o ask.'

B y a b o u t n i n e o ' c l o c k , it's g e t t i n g dark , a n d t h e

b r i d e a n d g r o o m a r e a lmos t r ead y t o leave . L a u r a h a s

d r u n k a l o t b y n o w , a n d s h e i s enthus ias t i ca l l y

k i ss ing s o m e o f h e r d istant cous ins , w h o s h e d o e s n ' t

real ly k n o w .

13

'They promised me sex,' says Lydia. 'Everybody said it.

"If you're a bridesmaid, you'll get sex," they

said. 'But has it happened? No, it hasn't. Nobody

has been near me.'

' Y o u k n o w t h a t I l o v e y o u , Jean , d o n ' t y o u ? ' s h e a s k s

, a lmos t i n tears. S h e pu t s h e r a r m s a r o u n d J ean . ' I l o ve

y o u , I l o v e y o u a n d M i k e v e r y m u c h . I ' v e n e v e r m e t y o

u b e f o r e , b u t I l o v e y o u b o t h , I real ly do. '

' D o n ' t w o r r y ' s a y s A n g u s , h e r n e w h u s b a n d . 'She 's d r u n k . W e l l ,

I h o p e s h e i s — o r I ' m i n real t r oub le ! '

B a c k i n t h e tent , Lyd ia , t h e y o u n g w o m a n w

h o w a s a b r i d e s m a i d a t t h e m a r r i a g e se rv i ce , i s s i t t ing

w i t h h e r h e a d i n h e r hands . S h e l o o k s depressed . S h e i

s still w e a r i n g h e r b r i desma id ' s dress a n d t h e f l owers

a r o u n d h e r h e a d .

14

' H o w ' s i t g o i n g , Lyds? ' a s k s

B e r n a r d . A w f u l . Just awfu l , '

c o m p l a i n s Lyd ia .

' O h dear. W h a t ' s t h e p r o b l e m ? '

15

' T h e y p r o m i s e d m e sex, ' s a y s L y d i a . ' E v e r y b o d y

said i t . " I f y o u ' r e a b r i d e s m a i d , y o u ' l l g e t s ex , " t h e y

said. " A l l t h e m e n w i l l w a n t y o u . Y o u ' l l hav e t o f igh t

t h e m off." B u t h a s i t h a p p e n e d ? N o , i t hasn't . N o b o d y

h a s b e e n n e a r m e . '

' W e l l , l o o k . . . ' s a i d B e r n a r d , a l i tt le s h y n o w , ' I

m e a n — i f y o u l i ke - I c o u l d — '

' D o n ' t b e s tup id , B e r n a r d . I ' m n o t despera te ! ' answers L y d i a

s h a r pl y

' N o , n o , o f c o u r s e n o t — s o r r y - I j u s t t h o u g h t -

' B e r n a r d repl ies h u r r i e d l y . Change to “They promised me I would get

asked out on a date.” etc…

W h e n t h e b r i d e a n d g r o o m a r e f inal ly r e a d y t o g e t

i n the i r car, L a u r a t h r o w s h e r b u n c h o f f l owers a t t h e

guests . T h e p e r s o n w h o ca t che s i t w i l l b e t h e n e x t

p e r s o n t o g e t m a r r i e d - o r s o p e o p l e be l i eve . Scar le t t

raises h e r h a n d t o c a t c h i t , b u t fails. F i o n a steps o u t o

f t h e way . A n d L y d i a i s t h e o n e w h o ca tches i t !

T h e c a r h a s a s t r ing o f t ins t i e d t o i t , a n d r u d e

th ings w r i t t e n o n i t . T h i s i s t h e c u s t o m a t E n g l i s h

w e d d i n g s . B u t w h e n A n g u s a n d L a u r a o p e n t h e d o o r , a

large w h i t e s h e e p j u m p s o u t , w i t h a be l l t i ed a r o u n d i t

s n e c k ! E v e r y b o d y l aughs . T h e y a l l w a v e a n d s h o u t

g o o d b y e a s t h e h a p p y c o u p l e a r e b e i n g d r i v e n away. T

h e y a r e g o i n g o n t he i r h o n e y m o o n .

C h a r l e s i s s a d , t h o u g h , a s h e g o e s b a c k i n t o t h e tent .

T h e b a n d i s p l a y i n g ' L o v e i s A l l A r o u n d ' . O b v i o u s l y h e

feels t h a t it's n o t t r u e f o r h i m . L a t e r o n , h i s g r o u p o f

f r iends b e g i n t o m a k e the i r a r r a n g e m e n t s f o r t h e n i g h t .

' W h e r e a r e y o u s tay ing t o n i g h t , C h a r l e s ? ' asks T o m .

16

'Scar le t t a n d I a r e g o i n g t o s o m e p u b — T h e

L u c k y B o a t ? S o m e t h i n g l i ke that . A r e n ' t w e a l l s t ay in g

there? '

' W e l l , n o - t h e p l a n h a s c h a n g e d . T h e o the r s a r e a

l l c o m i n g b a c k t o m y p lace . N a n s y ' s there — y o u

k n o w , o u r l o v e l y o l d servant . She ' l l p r o b a b l y c o o k u s

s o m e b a c o n a n d e g g s w h e n w e

g e t there , a n d w e c o u l d p l a y s o m e g a m e s . W o u l d

y o u l ike t o c o m e t o o ? '

' Yes , e x c e l l e n t , thanks v e r y m u c h . I s there a r o o m f o r

Scar le t t , t o o ? '

' O h o f c o u r s e — w e ' v e g o t a h u n d r e d a n d t h i r t y -

s e v e n r o o m s actually. '

T o m ' s ' p l ace ' i s h i s f a m i l y c ast le . T h e h o u s e i n L o n d

o n i s n o t the i r o n l y h o m e .

' T o m , ' asks C h a r l e s , ' a r e y o u t h e r i ches t m a n i n E n g l a n d ? '

' O h — n o , n o ! I b e l i e v e w e ' r e n u m b e r s eve n o n t h e

list. W e l l , t h e Q u e e n c o m e s first, obv ious l y . A n d t h a t

R i c h a r d B r a n s o n m a n

i s d o i n g v e r y w e l l w i t h h i s p o p m u s i c a n d h i s

a e r o p l a n e s . * W e l l , e x c e l l e n t n e w s - I ' m g l a d that

y o u ' r e c o m i n g . I ' l l g o a n d t e l l Scarlett . '

S u d d e n l y C a r r i e appears n e x t t o C h a r l e s .

' H i ! ' says C h a r l e s , surpr i sed . T t h o u g h t y o u ' d g o n e . '

' N o — n o t y e t . I w a s j u s t w o n d e r i n g — w h e r e a r e

y o u s t a y i n g t o n i g h t ? '

' W e l l , I w a s g o i n g t o stay a t s o m e p u b - T h e L u c k y B o a t ? '

' B o a t m a n , ' C a r r i e tells h i m . ' T h e L u c k y B o a t m a n . '

' R i g h t . B u t n o w I ' m g o i n g t o s t a y w i t h s o m e

f r i ends a t the i r h o u s e . W e l l , I s a y h o u s e , b u t it's real ly a n

e n o r m o u s cast le . . . '

' O h , w h a t a s h a m e - b e c a u s e I ' m s tay ing a t t h e B o a t m a n . '

' O h ! ' s a y s C h a r l e s , surpr i se d aga in . T h i s i s real ly

a p e r f e c t inv i ta t io n — b u t h e doesn ' t r ep l y q u i c k l y

e n o u g h . H e i s , un fo r tuna te l y , a n E n g l i s h m a n !

' W e l l — i t w a s n i c e t o m e e t y o u . T h o u g h w e d idn ' t

q u i t e m e e t , ' says C a r r i e . T l i k e d y o u r s p e e c h — i t w a s

great. '

' T h a n k s , ' says C h a r l e s . H e still f inds i t hard to s a y

a n y t h i n g , a n d t h e y s tand there s i lent ly t o g e t h e r f o r a

m o m e n t .

' I ' m g o i n g now, ' C a r r i e says.

* R i c h a r d Branson , a Brit ish businessman, o w n s t h e f amous V i r g i n company .

1 5

' N o - don ' t ! C o u l d n ' t w e m e e t e a c h o t h e r n o w ? T h e

even ing ' s j u s t s t a r t i n g ! '

T h e y b o t h l o o k a r o u n d a t t h e tent , w h i c h i s n o w i

n q u i t e a mess , w i t h bo t t l e s a n d cha irs l y i n g o n t h e

g r o u n d .

' W e b o t h k n o w that's a b i g lie,' s a y s C a r r i e , a n d s h e w a l k s away.

' H e l l ! ' s a y s C h a r l e s .

T h e b a n d h a s s t o p p e d p l a y i n g , b u t t h e br ide ' s

sister a n d b o y f r i e n d a r e b a c k w i t h the i r gui tar . O n l y

f o u r p e o p l e a r e t r y i n g t o d a n c e n o w t o the i r m u s i c ,

w h i c h i s n o t v e r y l ively. O t h e r s a r e k iss ing , a n d a f e w

real ly d r u n k p e o p l e h a v e fa l len as leep. O n e o f t h e pairs

that a r e k i ss ing i s B e r n a r d a n d Lyd ia . T h e y a r e

k iss ing v e r y enthusiast ica l ly , a n d L y d i a i s q u i t e breathless .

Change to ‘talking’

' B e r n a r d ! ' s h e cr ies i n surpr ise . ' I d idn ' t k n o w that i t

c o u l d b e l ike th is! '

' G o d , ' says G a r e t h , l o o k i n g a r o u n d a t a l l t h e mess . H e

hates t h e m u s i c tha t i s b e i n g p l ayed . ' W h a t a disaster! It's

t i m e f o r t h e castle. H o w a b o u t y o u , T o m — a r e y o u

d r u n k ? C a n y o u d r i v e u s safely? '

' O f c o u r s e , o f course , ' s a y s T o m . ' I ' ve h a d n o t h i n g t o

d r i n k t h e w h o l e e v e n i n g . ' B u t w h e n h e stands u p , h e

near l y falls over ! H e m u s t h a v e d r u n k m o r e t h a n h e

th inks !

•

T h e g r o u p o f f r iends g e t i n t o T o m ' s b i g car, a n d t h e y

dr i ve a w a y t h r o u g h t h e q u i e t c o u n t r y s i d e u n d e r t h e s t

a r s . T h e y ' r e t r y i n g t o s ing , b u t t hey ' r e f i n d i n g t h e h i g h

b i t s q u i t e d i f f icult . Change to ‘walking’

C h a r l e s says, ' T o m , c a n y o u s top t h

e car? ' T o m b rake s sudden ly .

'Sorry , ' C h a r l e s ap o l o g i se s . T t h i n k I will g o t o t h e pub . '

' B u t w h y ? ' a s k s T o m .

' A h — ' C h a r l e s i s u n c o m f o r t a b l e , a n d doesn ' t k n o

w e x a c t l y w h a t t o say.

E v e r y o n e m a k e s a j o k e o f i t .

' N o , seriously, ' s a y s C h a r l e s . ' I ' m w r i t i n g a b o u t p u b s t h a t h a v e

1 6

t h e w o r d " b o a t " i n the i r n a m e . M y b o o k w i l l b e t h e

first o n t h e subject. '

' D o w h a t y o u l ike,' says T o m , a n d C h a r l e s j u m p s

o u t . H e i s n o w s tand ing i n the dark i n the m i d d l e o f a

road , s o m e w h e r e i n t h e c oun t ry s i de . H e s u d d e n l y feels

v e r y m u c h a lone . A n d h o w i s h e g o i n g t o f i n d this

p u b ?

' H m m , a n o d d d e c i s i o n , ' s a y s C h a r l e s t o h imse l f .

H e sets o f f i n t h e o p p o s i t e d i r e c t i o n d o w n t h e d a

r k c o u n t r y road . H e d o e s m a n a g e t o f ind h i s w a y t o t h

e p u b , t h o u g h b y t h e

t i m e h e arr ives , i t i s a b o u t o n e o ' c l o c k i n t h e

m o r n i n g . I t s e e m s v e r y q u i e t i n t h e h o t e l r e c e p t i o n w

h e r e C h a r l e s s h o u l d c h e c k i n . C h a r l e s i s j u s t a b o u t t o r

i n g t h e b e l l o n t h e f ront d e s k w h e n h e

sees C a r r i e . S h e i s s i t t ing p e a c e f u l l y i n a large , c o m f o r t a b l e chair .

'He l l o , ' s a y s C h a r l e s .

S h e l o o k s a t h i m w i t h a q u e s t i o n i n h e r eyes , b u t she

i s sm i l i n g t o o .

'H i . '

' T h e r e wasn ' t e n o u g h r o o m f o r e v e r y b o d y , ' C h a r l e s l i es , ' so . . . '

' Y o u said i t w a s a castle, ' C a r r i e r e m i n d s h i m .

' D i d I ? Yes , that's t r u e — i t is a c a s t l e . B u t it's a

v e r y smal l o n e . O n l y o n e r o o m upstairs a n d o n e r o o m

downs ta i r s — v e r y rare! '

T h e y b o t h e n j o y t h e j o k e .

A w a i t e r c o m e s i n a n d a s k s C h a r l e s , ' W o u l d y o u

l ike a d r i n k , sir?'

C h a r l e s orders a d r i n k f o r h imsel f , a n d o n e f o r

C a r r i e t o o . B u t w h e n h e turns r o u n d , t here i s n o C a r r i e

— w h e r e h a s s h e g o n e ? T h e n G e o r g e w a l k s d o w n t h e

stairs. H e i s t h e b o r i n g m a n w h o read l o u d l y i n

c h u r c h . H e i s w h i s t l i n g a n d h e s e e m s happy .

C h a r l e s unders tands .

' Y o u ' r e h e r e t o o ! ' s a y s G e o r g e .

'He l l o , ' s a y s C h a r l e s .

' Y o u haven ' t seen C a r r i e , h a v e y o u ? ' G e o r g e

i s still s p e a k i n g l oud ly .

1 7

' W h o ? ' asks C h a r l e s , t h i n k i n g fast.

' C a r r i e . A m e r i c a n g i r l . L o v e l y l egs . W e d d i n g gues t . N i c e smell . '

' N o — s o r r y ' answer s C h a r l e s .

' D a m n . I t h o u g h t I h a d a g o o d c h a n c e w i t h her ! '

S u d d e n l y , C a r r i e ' s h e a d appears a b o v e t h e sofa ,

w h e r e s h e h a s b e e n h i d i n g . S h e m a k e s a t e r r ib l e f a c e

t o s h o w that h e h a d n o c h a n c e w i t h h e r a t a l l ! O n l y

C h a r l e s c a n see, for tunate ly .

' L o o k , i f y o u s e e her , c o u l d y o u tel l h e r t h a t I ' m i n

m y r o o m ? ' asks G e o r g e , n o t v e r y p leased .

'Yes , yes, ' says C h a r l e s , h o p i n g t h a t he ' l l go a w a y qu ick ly .

B u t j u s t t h e n , t h e w a i t e r c o m e s b a c k w i t h t h e t w o d r i n k s .

' O n e f o r y o u , sir,' h e s a y s , ' an d o n e f o r t h e — '

' O n e f o r t h e road! ' says C h a r l e s br ight ly , b e f o r e t h e

w a i t e r c a n s a y ' l ady ' .

'Ac tua l l y , I t h i n k I ' d l i k e a d r i n k t o o ! C a n I j o i n y o u ? '

' Yes — l o v e l y idea, ' s a y s C h a r l e s unhapp i l y .

' A n o t h e r d r i n k here a n d a c igar ! ' G e o r g e calls o u t t o t h e wai ter .

' N o , let's have a bo t t le ! W e ' l l d r i n k t i l l day l ight , e h , C h a r l e s ? '

C h a r l e s sits d o w n o n t h e sofa , a n d G e o r g e o n a

chair . C h a r l e s k n o w s C a r r i e i s b e h i n d t h e sofa. S h e i s

t r y i n g t o escape .

' L o v e l y w e d d i n g , ' says G e o r g e .

'Yes, ' says C h a r l e s , w o n d e r i n g h o w h e c a n g e t away.

T w a s a t s c h o o l w i t h A n g u s ' s b ro ther , B u f f y . E x c e l l e n t m a n ,

t h o u g h h e l i ke d l i tt le b o y s t o o m u c h . Sti l l , i t t a u g h t m e

a f e w o f life's lessons . W h e r e d o y o u k n o w t h e b r i d e a n

d g r o o m f r o m ? '

' A n g u s a n d Laura? O h , f r o m university, ' answers

C h a r l e s . H e i s n o t e x a c t l y e n j o y i n g t h e c o n v e r s a t i o n .

' Yes , yes , e x c e l l e n t p l ace . I d idn ' t go t o

un ivers i t y m y s e l f t h o u g h . I w o r k i n t h e m o n e y m a r

ke t s , y o u k n o w . W h a t g o o d a r e

b o o k s there? N o t m u c h a t all.'

' E x c u s e m e sir.' T h e w a i t e r i s b a c k aga in . H e h a s a

messag e f o r C h a r l e s . ' Y o u r w i f e asks y o u t o g o upstairs a t

o n c e . R o o m T w e l v e . S h e said that y o u m a y b e t o o

d r u n k t o r e m e m b e r t h e n u m b e r . '

18

' M y w i f e ? ' asks C h a r l e s , i n surpr ise .

'Yes , sir,' t h e w a i t e r repl ies .

' O h — yes , o f c o u r s e , m y w i f e ! ' C h a r l e s s ays, a s h e unders tands .

' Y o u m u s t b e d r u n k ! ' s a y s G e o r g e . ' Y o u can ' t e v e n

r e m e m b e r w h e t h e r y o u ' v e g o t a w i f e ! '

' Y e s — w i l l y o u e x c u s e m e ? '

' O h yes , o f f y o u g o ! G o o d l u c k ! W e l l , I haven ' t g o t a w i f e , s o

I'll g o a n d l o o k f o r that K a t i e w o m a n . '

'Car r i e , ' says C h a r l e s .

'Yes , that's t h e o n e . A f ine g ir l . I t h i n k I m i g h t b e l u c k y there ! '

Ups ta i r s , C h a r l e s k n o c k s o n t h e

d o o r o f n u m b e r t w e l v e . H e i s

qu i te n e r v o u s . C a r r i e o p e n s i t .

'H i , ' s h e says.

' H e l l o . I ' m s o r r y a b o u t that. '

' N o , that's f ine — i t w a s imposs ib l e t o g e t r i d o f h im . '

'Yes — pe rhap s w e s h o u l d j u s t w a n d e r a b o u t u p h e r e

f o r a b i t , t h e n g o b a c k d o w n . '

' Tha t ' s a t h o u g h t , ' s a y s C a r r i e . ' I d o n ' t usua l l y w a n d e r ,

b u t I can w a n d e r i f I n e e d t o . D o y o u w a n d e r a l o t ? ' S

h e i s g e n t l y j o k i n g w i t h h i m .

' N o , ' says C h a r l e s , s t i l l n e r v o u s , ' I ' m n o t real ly a w a n d e r e r — I

don ' t usua l l y w a n d e r a l o t b u t — '

'Wel l , ' C a r r i e s a y s , ' w h y d o n ' t y o u c o m e i n a n d

w a n d e r h e r e a l ittle, a n d t h e n w e ' l l see? '

S h e leads h i m i n t o t h e r o o m .

'It's strange, ' s h e says. ' T h e b r i d e a n d b r i d e g r o o m

d idn ' t k i s s i n t h e c h u r c h . W h e r e I c o m e f r o m , k i ss ing i s

v e r y popu lar . '

' I s i t ? Y e s , I t h i n k y o u ' r e r ight . ' C h a r l e s i s s p e a k i n g fast. ' I t h i n k

E n g l i s h p e o p l e a r e p r o b a b l y m o r e shy '

' I a lways worry , ' c o n t i n u e s C a r r i e , ' that I w o u l d g o t

o o f a r i n t h e c h u r c h — y o u k n o w , a t t h e p l a c e i n

t h e m a r r i a g e s e r v i c e

1 9

Carrie kisses Charles on the mouth.

w h e r e t h e g r o o m c a n k i s s t h e b r i d e . I m i g h t n o t s top at k i ss ing —'

' H o w f a r i s t o o far? ' a s k s C h a r l e s , c o m i n g v e r y c lose t o h e r .

' O h , I d o n ' t know . ' S h e g i ves h i m a v e r y smal l k

i s s o n t h e c h e e k . ' T h a t w o u l d b e a l l r i gh t , I th ink . '

'Yes , ' says C h a r l e s . ' T h a t w o u l d b e f ine. '

' Perhap s it's n o t e n o u g h , ' says C a r r i e . ' M a y b e this

w o u l d b e better . ' S h e kisses h i m o n t h e m o u t h .

' Yes . B u t i t m i g h t b e d a n g e r o u s t o g o further, ' s a y

s C h a r l e s , n e r v o u s aga in .

T h e n t h e y kiss f o r a l o n g t i m e .

' T h a t m i g h t b e t o o f a r . . . ' s a y s C h a r l e s .

' A n d th is? ' asks C a r r i e . I t i s a f e w m i n u t e s later, a n d

t h e y a r e i n b e d , m a k i n g l ove . ' D o y o u t h i n k t h e pr ies t

m i g h t b e a l i tt le b i t w o r r i e d a b o u t this? '

20

'Yes, ' s a y s C h a r l e s . ' I t h i n k h e m i g h t be. '

T h e y kiss aga in , a n d s p e n d t h e n i g h t t o g e t h e r .

T h e p u b i s i n t h e m i d d l e o f t h e c o u n t r y s i d e . I t

l o o k s v e r y peacefu l i n t h e m o r n i n g . C a r r i e g e t s u p

first a n d pack s . W h e n Char le s w a k e s u p , s h e i s a

l ready z i p p i n g u p h e r b a g . H e r face l ooks beau t i fu l i n

the ear ly m o r n i n g l i gh t .

' W h a t ' s h a p p e n i n g ? ' asks C h a r l e s .

' I have t o go, ' s h e answers .

' B u t w h e r e t o ? '

' T o A m e r i c a . '

' Tha t ' s a tragedy, ' h e says.

' B u t b e f o r e I g o , w h e n a r e y o u g o i n g t o tel l

e v e r y b o d y ? ' C a r r i e asks h i m .

'Tel l e v e r y b o d y ? ' C h a r l e s asks i n surpr ise . 'Te l l t h e m w h a t ? '

'We l l , y o u ' l l tel l t h e m that w e ' r e g o i n g t o g e t

m a r r i e d , w o n ' t y o u ? '

' G e t m a r r i e d ? ' H e i s a l a r m e d n o w .

' W e s lept t o g e t h e r l a s t n i g h t — w e m a d e l ove — s o

t h a t m e a n s we ' r e g e t t i n g m a r r i e d , doesn ' t i t? '

' W e l l - y e s — o h d e a r — w e n e e d t o t h i n k hard a b o

u t this, y o u know, ' he s a y s unhapp i l y .

T h e n s u d d e n l y h e no t i ce s she's sm i l i ng .

' O h , y ou ' r e j o k i n g ! ' h e says. ' T h a n k G o d ! F o r a m o m e n t , I

t h o u g h t I w a s i n o n e o f t hose awfu l f i lms . Y o u k n o w

— the k i n d w h e r e t h e w o m a n spends a n i g h t w i t h a m a

n a n d m u r d e r s h i m i f h e w o n ' t m a r r y her. '

' N o , ' s a y s C a r r i e , g e n t l y . ' W e ' r e n o t i n o n e o f those f i lms . B u t I

t h in k w e ' v e b o t h m issed a g rea t c h a n c e here . G o o d b y e ! '

S h e leaves t h e r o o m a n d C h a r l e s l i e s d o w

n i n t h e b e d . H e l ook s t h o u g h t f u l a n d c o n f u s e d .

2 1

Chapter 2T h e Second Wedding

You are invited to the wedding of Bernard and Lydia at

noon on August 1st at the Church of

St Mary of the Fields, Cripplegate, London

EC2

I t i s three m o n t h s later, a n d Charles 's a la rm c l o c k i s

o n c e again r i n g i n g b y h i s b e d . Char le s stretches o u t h i s h

a n d a n d turns i t o f f . H e goes b a c k t o sleep again. H e

likes t o s leep unti l n o o n , w h e n e v e r h e can. S c arlett i s still

a s leep i n h e r un t idy b e d r o o m . S o m e t ime later, there is a

l o u d shou t f r o m Charles 's r o o m . H e h a s w o k e n u p , a t

last.

' O h he l l ! '

H e j u m p s o u t o f b e d , a n d r u n s i n t o Scar let t ,

dressed o n l y i n h i s u n d e r c l o t h e s .

' O h G o d ! ' s a y s Scar le t t , w h e n s h e l o o k s a t h e r c l o c k .

T h e y r u n o u t o f t h e h o u s e b e f o r e t h e y h a v e

f in i shed p u t t i n g on the i r f o r m a l w e d d i n g c l o t h e s . Scar le t t

i s t r y i n g t o p u t o n a

sil ly p i n k dress w i t h a n e n o r m o u s skirt , b u t s h e can' t

z i p i t u p r igh t . S h e i s g o i n g t o b e a b r i d e s m a i d .

' C a r o r tax i? ' s h e asks, still r u n n i n g .

'Tax i , ' says C h a r l e s . ' W e w o n ' t b e ab le t o p a r k t h e car.'

T h e y g e t t o t h e c o r n e r o f t h e street a n d start

l o o k i n g f o r a tax i . B u t t here isn't o n e a n y w h e r e .

' W e l l , m a y b e t h e c a r i s a b e t t e r idea, ' s a y s C h a r l e s .

T h e y rush d o w n a n o t h e r street t o f ind Scarlett 's car.

B u t w h e n t h e y g e t t here , i t can ' t b e m o v e d . Scar le t t m u

s t h a v e p a r k e d i t i n t h e w r o n g p l a c e a n d t h e w h e e l s h

a v e b e e n l o c k e d b y t h e p o l i c e .

' D a m n ! ' t h e y b o t h s h o u t a t o n c e .

T h e y w i l l h a v e t o g o o n f o o t . T h e y r u n a s fast a s t h e y c a n .

' T h e s e r v i c e w i l l start b e f o r e w e g e t there, ' C h a r l e s

th inks t o h imse l f .

2 2

Charles and Scarlett get to thecorner of the street and start

looking for a taxi. But there isn't one

anywhere.

T h e skirts o f Scarlett 's sil ly p i n k dress fly u p i n t h e

w i n d a n d , a s s h e runs , a p i e c e o f t h e dress falls o f f .

C h a r l e s i s g o i n g t o s t o p a n d p i c k i t u p , b u t Scar le t t s a y s , ' L e a v e

i t ! N o b o d y w i l l n o t i c e ! '

T h e y r u n a l l t h e w a y t o t h e c h u r c h , a n d a s t h e y

g e t near , t h e y ca n hea r t h e bel ls r i n g i n g l oud ly . S o m

e o f t he i r f r i ends a r e a lready there - F i ona , M a t t h e w ,

G a r e t h a n d D a v i d .

' S o r r y I ' m late, ' s a y s C h a r l e s . ' T h e traffic w a

s awfu l . ' T h e y a l l l o o k a t h i m ; n o b o d y

be l i eves h i m a t a l l .

' Yes , w e l l — ' says C h a r l e s . ' N o w , w h o ' s g e t t i n g m a r r i e d

t o d a y ? ' H e reads t h e w e d d i n g card , p r e t e n d i n g that h

e doesn ' t k n o w .

2 3

T h e y a l l g o i n t o t h e c h u r c h , w h e r e t h e w e d d i n g i s

a b o u t t o start. A y o u n g pr ies t c o m e s i n , l o o k i n g

w o r r i e d a n d n e r v o u s . It's Fa the r G e r a l d , w h o t h e y m e

t a t t h e last w e d d i n g r e c e p t i o n . H e ' s f in i she d h i s

s t u d y i n g , a n d n o w he's a real pr iest .

T o d a y T o m i s bes t m a n . H e h a s r e m e m b e r e d t o

b r i n g t h e r i ngs , o n e e a c h f o r t h e b r i d e a n d g r o o m . H

e takes t h e m o u t o f h i s p o c k e t a n d s h o w s t h e m t o

C h a r l e s , h o l d i n g t h e m u p t o h i s eyes l i ke a pa i r o f

glasses. C h a r l e s smi les a n d w a v e s a t h i m .

A s t h e w e d d i n g m u s i c starts, t h e b r i d e a n d h e r

b r idesma id s e n t e r t h e c h u r c h . T h e b r i d e , o f c o u r s e , i s

Lyd ia , w h o f i r s t k issed h e r b r i d e g r o o m , B e r n a r d , a t t h e l

a s t w e d d i n g r e c e p t i o n . T h e r e a r e

f o u r b r i d e s m a i d s . T w o a r e l i tt le girls a n d t w o are w o m e

n . O n e o f t h e m i s Scar le t t . A s she w a l k s u p t h e aisle,

e v e r y o n e c a n s e e h e r b r i g h t b l u e u n d e r c l o t h e s . T h e

p i e c e o f h e r dress t h a t f e l l o f f has left a large h o l e in

t h e b a c k o f h e r dress! Scar let t i s s till w e a r i n g h e r

sunglasses t o o — s h e l o o k s q u i t e s t range! S h e takes

t h e m o f f

j u s t a s t h e y r e a c h t h e pr ies t . B e r n a r d i s s t and in g

there b y the pr ies t , w a i t i n g f o r h i s b r i d e .

F a t h e r G e r a l d b e g i n s t o read t h e w o r d s o f t h e

m a r r i a g e se rv i ce . U n f o r t u n a t e l y , b e c a u s e h e i s v e r y

n e r v o u s , h e g e t s s o m e o f t h e w o r d s w r o n g . E v e r y b o d y

bursts o u t l a u g h i n g .

'It's h i s f i r s t w e d d i n g , y o u see,' M a t t h e w w h i s p e r s t o C h a r l e s .

' H e ' s a f r i e n d o f t h e family. '

' A h . E x c e l l e n t , ' s a y s C h a r l e s . H e f i n d s i t v e r y a m u s i n g .

Fa ther G e r a l d calls B e r n a r d ' Lyd ia ' b y mistake . A n d

w h e n h e d o e s g e t t h e g r o o m ' s n a m e r ight , h e doesn ' t

k n o w h o w t o s a y Bernard ' s m i d d l e n a m e . It's w r i t t e n ' S t

J o h n ' a n d s p o k e n a s 'S in jun ' .

' . . . B e r n a r d G e o f f r e y S i j j j j j jern D e l a n e y ' says F a t h e r

G e r a l d , h u r r i e d l y . E v e r y o n e i s sm i l i n g . T h i s i s a l l v e r y

e n t e r t a i n i n g .

N o w , a s t h e pr ies t speaks , t h e b r i d e a n d g r o o m hav e

t o repea t t h e s a m e w o r d s after h i m .

' I B e r n a r d D e l a n e y — ' says Fa the r G e r a l d , l e a v i n g o u t t h e S t

J o h n par t n o w . ' D o take y o u , L y d i a J a n e H i b b o t t , t o b e m y awfu l

2 4

w e d d e d w i fe . ' T h i s i s n o t w h a t h e s h o u l d s a y a t a l

l ! H e i s s o n e r v o u s that he 's g e t t i n g t h e w o r d s m i x e d u

p !

' T o b e my lawful w e d d e d wi fe , ' B e r n a r d

says. T h e s e a r e t h e w o r d s F a t h e r

G e r a l d s h o u l d h a v e said.

'That ' s r i gh t . Tha t ' s r ight , ' s a y s Fa the r G e r a l d . H e doesn ' t k n o w

exac t l y w h a t he's d o i n g n o w , b u t s o m e h o w t h e y g e t t o

t h e e n d o f t h e serv ice .

' W e l l d o n e ! ' shout s G a r e t h , c l a p p i n g , a n d t h e o the r s c o p y h i m .

It's l ike b e i n g a t t h e theatre , a n d after t h e s e rv i ce ,

e v e r y b o d y congra tu la te s t h e pr ies t . G e r a l d i s v e r y

p leased w i t h h imse l f , a n d

i s s m i l i n g t o o , n o w that it's a l l over .

T h e r e c e p t i o n i s b e i n g h e l d i n a n e l e g a n t L o n d o n

h o t e l . T h e guests s e e m t o b e f r o m r i c h , upper - c l as s

fami l ies . A l l t h e m e n a r e w e a r i n g f o r m a l w e d d i n g coats ,

a n d t h e w o m e n a r e i n e x p e n s i v e dresses. Lyd ia , the

b r i d e , i s i n a n e x c e l l e n t m o o d ; s h e i s l a u g h i n g a n d

k iss ing t h e guests a s t h e y arr ive . C h a r l e s , G a r e t h

a n d M a t t h e w have a l ready f o u n d t h e d r i n k s . T h e y

a r e u s e d t o w e d d i n g s , a n d k n o w e x a c t l y w h a t t o d o .

' D o y o u k n o w w h a t I t h i n k a b o u t m a r r i a g e ? ' a s k sG a r e t h .

' T w o p e o p l e a r e i n l ove . T h e y l i v e t o g e t h e r , t h e n

s u d d e n l y t h e y can' t t h i n k o f a n y t h i n g t o s a y t o e a c h

o ther . T h e y ' r e w o r r i e d — w h a t a r e t h e y g o i n g t o d o ? T

h e n t h e m a n h a s a n idea. '

' W h a t ? ' asks C h a r l e s .

' T h e y ' l l g e t m a r r i e d ! A n d t h e n t h e y ' v e g o t

s o m e t h i n g t o t a l k a b o u t f o r t h e rest o f the i r l ives. '

' S o - p e o p l e g e t m a r r i e d w h e n t h e y can ' t

c o m m u n i c a t e p r o p e r l y a n y m o r e . I s that w h a t

y o u ' r e s a y i n g ? ' .

' Yes , that's r i gh t . T o m ! ' T o m , t h e b e s t m a n , h a s c o

m e t o j o i n t h e m . ' H o w ' s t h e s p e e c h ? '

'F ine — g o o d , I th ink . S o m e t h i n g f o r e v e r y o n e - y e s ,

t h e j o k e s wi l l raise a f e w smiles, a n d there shou ld b e a f e w

tears too, ' T o m says.

2 5

' E x c e l l e n t ! ' s a y s G a r e t h .

'It's a n i n te res t in g i dea , G ar e t h , ' s a y s C h a r l e s .

' O f c o u r s e , there 's a n o t h e r i dea . S o m e p e o p l e

t h i n k that w e d d i n g s a r e a b o u t t r u e love, ' s a y s M a t t h e w ,

l o o k i n g a t G a r e t h .

' W e l l , that's a t h o u g h t , ' C h a r l e s repl ies l ight ly . B u t

h e h a s l i s t ene d se r ious ly ; C h a r l e s i s v e r y c o n f u s e d

a b o u t l o v e a n d m a r r i a g e a t t h e m o m e n t .

T h e r e c e p t i o n i s v e r y b u s y n o w , full o f we l l - d res se d

guests w h o a r e d r i n k i n g a n d c h a t t i n g , l a u g h i n g a n d

ca l l ing t o o n e ano ther .

C h a r l e s i s j u s t f e t ch in g three m o r e dr inks , w h e n a v o i c e

s a y s , 'H i . ' H e t u rns r o u n d . It's C a r r i e . S h e l o o k s

w o n d e r f u l .

' He l l o , ' s a y s C h a r l e s , a n d near l y d rop s t h e d r i n k s .

' H o w a r e y o u ? ' a s k s C a r r i e .

' F ine . F ine . S o r r y — I ' m s o s urpr i sed , a n d so p l eased t o

s e e y o u . D o n ' t g o b a c k t o A m e r i c a ! P lease ! W a i t h e r e —

I ' l l b e b a c k i n t w o s e c o n d s . O K ? '

' O K , ' s h e smi les .

H e rushes b a c k t o t h e o t h e r s .

' Tha t ' s y o u r s . A n d that's yours , ' h e says, g i v i n g t h

e m the i r d r i n k s . ' S e e y o u i n f ive hours . '

' H a s s o m e t h i n g h a p p e n e d ? ' asks G a r e t h .

' Yes — yes — t h i s i s a g rea t w e d d i n g , y o u k n o w ! '

B u t w h e n h e f inds C a r r i e aga in , th ings d o n ' t g o

q u i t e a s h e p l a n n e d .

' H i . Y o u l o o k per fec t . I n fact , y o u p r o b a b l y are

per fec t . H o w a r e y o u ? '

' I ' m real ly w e l l . C h a r l e s , I ' d l i k e y o u t o m e e t H a m

i s h . H a m i s h a n d I a r e g o i n g t o g e t m a r r i e d . '

T h i s i s a h o r r i b l e s h o c k f o r C h a r l e s , b u t h e tr ies t o h i d e i t .

' E x c e l l e n t , e x c e l l e n t . I ' m h a p p y t o m e e t y o u ,

H a m i s h . L o v e l y surpr i se t o f ind C a r r i e b a c k i n t h i s

c o u n t r y again . '

H a m i s h i s a n e l e g a n t a n d c o n f i d e n t m a n o f a b o u t fifty. H e i s

S c o t t i sh .

2 6

' Yes , w e l l , i t wasn ' t easy! I h a d t o w o r k hard — s h e

d idn ' t w a n t t o c o m e a t first. C o m e o n , C a r r i e dear, I

w a n t y o u t o m e e t J a m e s . He 's w a i t i n g f o r u s o v e r there .

H e ' l l t h i n k that I can ' t c o n t r o l y o u a t all, i f w e d o n ' t g o

a n d f i n d h i m n o w ! ' H e h o l d s o u t h i s h a n d t o C a r r i e , a n d

s h e takes i t .

' I ' l l s e e y o u later,' s h e s a y s i n a f r i e n d l y w a y t o

C h a r l e s , a s s h e walks a w a y w i t h H a m i s h .

C h a r l e s i s s h o c k e d a n d v e r y u n h a p p y . H e i s

u n h a p p y a b o u t C a r r i e , o f c o u r s e , b u t w h y i s h e s o

very u n h a p p y ? H e doesn ' t qui te u n d e r s t a n d h i m s e l f a t t

h e m o m e n t . H e doesn ' t fee l i n t h e m o o d t o j o i n i n

w i t h t h e par t y any m o r e , a n d h e s i t s d o w n a l one . Later,

M a t t h e w c o m e s u p t o talk t o h i m .

' H o w a r e y o u d o i n g , C h a r l e s ? ' M a t t h e w asks.

'Ac tua l l y , n o t great, ' s a y s C h a r l e s . ' N o t g rea t a t all,

really. I d o n ' t k n o w — wha t ' s h a p p e n i n g here? W h y a m I

a lways a t w e d d i n g s b u t neve r g e t t i n g m a r r i e d ? W h a t d o e s

i t m e a n ? '

Y o u ' r e n o t smar t e n o u g h , ' s a y s M a t t h e w . ' O r p e r h a p s

i t c o u l d b e b e c a u s e y o u haven ' t m e t t he r i g h t girl . '

' A h , b u t i s that r i g h t ? ' C h a r l e s asks. ' M a y b e I h a v

e m e t t h e r ight g ir l . M a y b e I m e e t t h e r i g h t girls a l l t h

e t i m e . M a y b e it's m e

- I ' m t h e p r o b l e m . '

' O h , r u b b i s h ! ' says M a t t h e w .

A n d t h e n it's t i m e f o r d inner . E v e r y o n e h a s b e e n t o l d t o

l o o k a t a w r i t t e n table p l an t o f ind o u t w h e r e t h e y h a

v e t o sit. I t h a s a l l b e e n o r g a n i z e d v e r y c a r efully .

' C o m e on , ' says M a t t h e w , ' y o u ' l l p r o b a b l y m e e t y o

u r fu ture w i f e a t d inner . '

C h a r l e s l o o k s a t t h e table p lan . ' O h m y G o d ! ' h e

says, b u t doesn ' t tel l M a t t h e w w h y h e i s s o a l a r m e d .

•

2 7

F i o n a i s a l ready s i t t ing a t a n o t h e r table , n e x t t o a n

upper - c l as s o l d e r w o m a n w h o i s w e a r i n g a b r i g h t b l u e

dress a n d a b r i g h t b l u e hat . H e r n a m e i s M r s

B e a u m o n t .

' A r e y o u m a r r i e d ? ' s h e a s k s F i o n a i m m e d i a t e l y

' N o . ' F i o n a a n s wers .

' D o y o u pre fer w o m e n ? ' a s k s M r s B e a u m o n t .

' G o o d G o d ! ' s a y s F i o n a . ' W h a t m a d e y o u s a y that? '

' W e l l , it's a poss ib i l i t y these days , isn't i t ? ' M r s B e a u m o n t says.

' A n d it's a n i n teres t ing o n e . It's v e r y b o r i n g i f y o u j u s t

say, " O h , dear , I 've n e v e r f o u n d t h e r i g h t m a n ! ' "

F i o n a l au g h s . ' Q u i t e r i g h t . W h y b e b o r i n g ? '

' T h a n k y o u , ' s a y s M r s B e a u m o n t .

'We l l , ' F i o n a c o n t i n u e s , ' I h a v e m e t t h e r i g h t p e r s o n ,

y o u see. B u t he's n o t i n l o v e w i t h m e . U n t i l I s t o p

l o v i n g h i m , I can ' t g e t in teres ted i n o t h e r m e n . '

' B a d luck , ' s a y s h e r n e w f r i end .

' Yes , isn't i t? ' says F i o n a . ' I d i d g o w i t h a n o t h e r g i r

l o n c e , a t s c h o o l — b u t i t w a s o n l y f o r a b o u t f i f teen

m i n u t e s . I d o n ' t t h i n k tha t real ly m e a n s a n y t h i n g , d o

y o u ? '

C h a r l e s h a s n o w f o u n d h i s table , a n d s i t s d o w n

w i t h t w o m e n a n d f o u r y o u n g w o m e n , w h o a r e a l l

at tract ive a n d a b o u t t h e s a m e a g e a s h i m . H i s b r o t h e r

D a v i d i s t here t o o . C h a r l e s l o o k s v e r y e m b a r r a s s e d a n d

u n c o m f o r t a b l e .

' H i , ' s a y s C h a r l e s t o o n e o f t h e m e n .

' H e l l o , I ' m Al istair . Y o u k n o w V e r o n i c a , d o n ' t y o u ? '

'Yes , ' s a y s C h a r l e s , v e r y n e r v o u s n o w . 'Yes — h e l l o

V e e ! H i , N i c k i ! G r e a t t o s e e y o u . ' H e c a n s e e

C a r r i e o n a n o t h e r table . She ' s l a u g h i n g w i t h M a t t h e w a

n d G a r e t h . C h a r l e s w o u l d m u c h ra ther be a t t he i r table .

Al is ta i r s e e m s t o b e g i v i n g t h e m a l l a l esson o n tea.

' T h e r e a r e a b o u t f o u r h u n d r e d d i f ferent k i nd s o f t e a , a n d

a l l t h e frui t teas a s

2 8

w e l l . I t o o k V e r o n i c a o u t t o Ind ia a t C h r i s t m a s t o s e e

t h e p laces w h e r e t h e y g r o w i t . '

' E x c e l l e n t , ' s a y s C h a r l e s .

' Y o u a n d V e r o n i c a w e n t t o Ind ia t o g e t h e r , d idn ' t y o u

C h a r l e s ? ' Al istai r asks.

' Tha t ' s r ight , ' C h a r l e s answers . So V e r o n i c a w a s

o n c e a g i r l f r i en d o f Char les ' s .

' C h a r l e s w a s horr ib le , ' says V e r o n i c a . ' I w a s real ly i l l , a

n d h e j u s t j o k e d a l l t h e t ime. '

' I w a s o n l y t r y i n g t o m a k e y o u f e e l bet ter , Vee . '

' O h , y o u ' r e that Veron i ca , ' s a y s N i c k i .

' W h i c h V e r o n i c a ? ' V e r o n i c a asks. ' C h a r l i e — w h a t

hav e y o u b e e n say ing? ' She 's w o r r i e d t o o n o w .

B u t C h a r l e s doesn ' t w a n t t o a n s w e r t h e q u e s t i o n . ' R e m e m b e r

B o m b a y ? ' h e asks br ight ly .

N i c k i con t inues . ' W h e n Char l e s a n d I w e r e g o i n g o u t together , '

- s o she's ano the r o l d g i r l f r iend o f h i s — ' h e t o ld m e

a b o u t t h i s " in teres t ing " j o u r n e y he 'd taken r o u n d

India w i t h " V o m i t i n g V e r o n i c a " . Yes , I t h ink that's r ight . I '

m sure that's w h a t h e cal led her.'

' D i d I real ly s a y that? ' asks C h a r l e s qu ick ly . ' N o I

d o n ' t t h i n k so - '

' O h c o m e o n , Char les , ' s a y s M a r t h a , w h o i s o l d

g i r l f r i en d n u m b e r th ree a t the table . ' Y o u c o u l d n e v e r k e

e p a s ecret . Y o u ' r e hope less . '

C h a r l e s i s ce r ta in l y i n a h o r r i b l e mess n o w .

' M a r t h a , that's n o t q u i t e t r u e — '

' I ' m sure i t i s , Char l e s , ' s a y s N i c k i .

' I r e m e m b e r a n o t h e r t h i n g y o u t o l d m e , ' M a r t h a c o n t i n u e s .

' A b o u t a g i r l f r i en d that y o u h a d ca l l ed H e l e n a . H e r

m o t h e r l i ke d y o u t o o . S h e w a n t e d t o g o t o b e d w i t h

y o u ! Y o u t o l d m e that y o u d idn ' t k n o w w h a t t o d o .

" W o u l d i t b e r u d e t o refuse h e r ? " y o u asked y o u r s e l f

' Tha t ' s r ight ! ' adds N i c k i . ' Y o u s a i d t h a t t h e y w e r e b o t h a s f a t

2 9

a s p igs ! M r s P i g g y , a n d M i s s P i g g y — '

' I t h i n k p e r h a p s — ' s a y s C h a r l e s , b u t t h e th ree girls a r

e l a u g h i n g l o u d l y a n d they ' r e n o t l i s t en in g t o h i m .

Final ly , t h e f o u r t h g i r l , w h o i s s i t t ing q u i e t l y n e x

t t o h i m , speaks . ' W e ' v e b o t h lost w e i g h t s i n c e t h e n , m

y m o t h e r a n d I,' s h e says, t a k i n g a n o t h e r c h o c o l a t e .

I t i s a d i s a s t e r f o r C h a r l e s . B u t for tunate ly i t ' s n o w

t i m e f o r t h e s p e e c h e s .

' A h - g rea t — s p e e c h e s ! ' h e says. A t least t h e y can ' t

t a l k a b o u t h i m a n y m o r e un t i l later.

E v e r y o n e c laps T o m a s h e stands u p .

'Yes — w h e n B e r n a r d t o l d m e h e w a s g e t t i n g m a r r i e d

t o Lyd ia , I c o n g r a t u l a t e d h i m . A l l h i s o t h e r g i r l f r iends w

e r e real d o g s , y o u s e e ! A n d o f c o u r s e , I ' m d e l i g h t e d t

o s e e s o m a n y o f t h e m h e r e this e v e n i n g . . . '

I t i s a t e r r ib l e s p e e c h , b u t T o m th inks h e i s d o i n g w e l l . S o d o e s

G a r e t h ! H e s e e m s t o e n j o y real ly a w f u l th ings .

' C a m i l l a i s o n e o f t h e m — i t ' s l o v e l y t o s e e y o u

aga in , C a m i l l a ! S h e w a s t h e first p e r s o n w h o B e r n a r d

w a n t e d t o marry . S h e t o l d h i m t o g o t o he l l ! It's l u c k y

f o r Lyd i a t h a t s h e d id ! '

W h e n t h e d i n n e r a n d t h e f o r m a l parts o f t h e

r e c e p t i o n a r e over , C h a r l e s a n d h i s f r i ends a r e f r e e t o

m e e t u p aga in . T h e y f i n d s o m e c o m f o r t a b l e sofas, a n d s i

t d o w n t o g e t h e r t o chat .

G a r e t h i s t a l k i n g a b o u t t h e w e d d i n g d inner . F o r o n c e ,

h e i s n o t b e i n g r u d e . ' W e h a d a l o v e l y g i r l a t o u r table

— C a r r i e . She 's g o i n g t o m a r r y a m a n ca l led H a m i s h .

H e ' s v e r y r i c h a n d o w n s h a l f o f S c o t l a n d . S o , h o w a r e

y o u ? ' h e asks C h a r l e s .

' T h i s i s t h e w e d d i n g f r o m he l l ! ' C h a r l e s

answers . ' O l d g i r l f r i ends e v e r y w h e r e . I'll p r o b a b l y m e e t

H e n r i e t t a n e x t . T h a t ' l l real ly f in ish t h e d a y o f f f o r m e ! '

' H e l l o , Char l e s , ' a v o i c e says f r o m b e h i n d h i m . It's

H e n r i e t t a a n d , o f c o u r s e , she's also o n e o f Char les ' s o l d

gir l f r iends . C h a r l e s s e e m s t o h a v e n o l u c k a t a l l t o d a y .

H e n r i e t t a i s a tall , d a r k g ir l , a n d

3 0

s h e i s usua l l y q u i t e at tract ive . B u t n o w h e r f ace i s w h i t e , a n d s h e

l ook s v e r y unhappy . C h a r l e s i s f e e l i n g b a d , b u t

H e n r i e t t a s e e m s t o f e e l e v e n w o r s e .

' H e l l o , H e n , h o w a r e y o u ? ' says C h a r l e s b r ight l y ,

t r y i n g t o p re ten d that e v e r y t h i n g i s a l l r i g h t . H e

h o p e s t h a t s h e d i d n o t hear h i s last f e w w o r d s .

S h e i s s i lent f o r a m o m e n t , t h e n s h e bursts i n t o tears.

' O h , H e n , ' s a y s C h a r l e s , sympathet i ca l l y .

H e l e n a j u m p s u p f r o m t h e s o f a i n a t e m p e r . ' W h y

can ' t y o u jus t l eave h e r a l one ? H a v e n ' t y o u h u r t h e r

e n o u g h ? '

S h e leads H e n r i e t t a away.

C h a r l e s gets u p . ' E x c u s e m e , ' h e s a y s t o G a r e t h . ' I

t h i n k I a m a w a l k i n g disaster a t t h e m o m e n t . I t h i n k I ' d

b e t t e r g o a w a y a n d b e alone. '

B u t n o t e v e r y o n e i s h a v i n g a b a d t i m e . D a v i d , Char les ' s

b ro ther , i s ta lk ing t o Se rena , t h e p re t t y g i r l w h o w a s

i n t e res te d i n h i m a t t h e last w e d d i n g r e c e p t i o n . S h e h a s

b e e n h o p i n g t o m e e t h i m aga in , a n d h a s s tarted t o

l e a r n s ign l a n g u a g e s o t h a t s h e c a n

c o m m u n i c a t e w i t h h i m .

S h e s igns h e r n a m e . ' I ' m S - e - r -

e - n - a . ' D a v i d smi les s w e e t l y a t

her .

'He l lo , ' h e s igns b a c k .

' I ' m j u s t l earn ing , ' s a y s S e r e n a w i t h h e r h a n d s . ' I ' m

p r o b a b l y m a k i n g lots o f mistakes. ' S h e ce r ta in l y i s — s h e

s igns ' to l s ' ins tead o f ' lo ts ' , a n d 'n i s takes ' , i ns tead o f

m is takes . B u t D a v i d d o e s n ' t w a n t t o c o r r e c t her . H e

shakes h i s h e a d a n d smi les aga in .

' N o , per fec t . Perfect , ' h e tells her . ' W o u l d y o u l i k e t o d a n c e ? '

'Yes , that w o u l d b e n ice , ' S e r e n a repl ies . T h e y g o o f f

t o g e t h e r , l o o k i n g v e r y happy .

3 1

C h a r l e s i s i n a b e d r o o m upstairs . I t s eems t o b e e m p t y —

t h e d o o r w a s o p e n , b u t there w a s n o b o d y inside, j u s t a

suit h a n g i n g u p o n a c u p b o a r d d o o r . It's dark n o w , b u t

h e doesn ' t t u r n t h e l ight o n . H e g o e s t o t h e w i n d o w

a n d l o o k s d o w n o n t o t h e street be low . H e

jus t stands there quiet ly , g l a d t o b e a l one i n a c a l m

r o o m . B u t after a m i n u t e o r t w o , h e s e e s C a r r i e d o w n

there . She's c o m i n g o u t o f t h e h o t e l w i t h H a m i s h . T h e y

have the i r a rms a r o u n d e a c h o t h e r a n d l o o k v e r y happy.

T h e y g e t i n t o a taxi t oge ther . C h a r l e s w a t c h e s t h e m

u n h a p p i l y a s t h e y dr i ve o f f . H e seems t o b e v e r y

depressed.

T h e n t h e d o o r o p e n s , a n d B e r n a r d a n d L y d i a c o m e i

n , k i ss ing noisi ly . T h e y a r e s o i n te res te d i n e a c h o t h e r t h

a t t h e y d o n ' t n o t i c e C h a r l e s . T h e y a r e still dressed f o r

t h e w e d d i n g — Lyd i a i n he r br ide ' s dress, a n d B e r n a r d i

n h i s suit . T h i s i s the i r r o o m , t h e p lace w h e r e t h e y a r e

g o i n g t o c h a n g e i n t o the i r o t h e r c l o the s be fo r e t h e y g o

a w a y o n t he i r h o n e y m o o n .

B u t t hey ' r e n o t r eady t o c h a n g e y e t . T h e y a r e

a b o u t t o have s e x o n t h e b e d . C h a r l e s w o n d e r s h o w

h e c a n e s c a p e , a n d h e b e g i n s t o t r y t o w a l k f r o m

t h e w i n d o w t o t h e d o o r very , v e r y qu ie t ly .

T h e n s u d d e n l y Lyd i a c r ies , ' W a i t a m i n u t e ! T h i s

isn't g o o d e n o u g h ! I w a n t t o s e e m y l o v e l y h u s b a n d ! '

S h e turns on t h e l ight . S h e i s l y i n g o n t o p o f B e r n a r d

— s h e still h a s h e r dress o n , b u t C h a r l e s k n o w s what ' s

h a p p e n i n g u n d e r n e a t h i t . Luck i l y , t h e y d o n ' t s e e

C h a r l e s . B u t h e can' t g e t p a s t t h e m t o

t h e d o o r . T h e n h e sees a n o t h e r d o o r nearer t o h i m , s o h

e o p e n s i t a n d g o e s t h r o u g h i t a s fast a s h e c a n . O h , n

o ! It's o n l y a k i n d o f v e r y smal l w a s h r o o m — n o m o r e

than a c u p b o a r d , really! There ' s a lmos t no r o o m i n i t

f o r Char l e s ! He wai t s there ; it's v e r y u n c o m f o r t a b l e , a

n d i t s e e m s t o h i m t h a t h e h a s t o w a i t f o r h o u r s .

D o w n s t a i r s , t h e o t h e r guests a r e e n j o y i n g t h e m s e l v e s .

Severa l o f t h e m a r e d a n c i n g t o t h e l i ve l y m u s i c .

Scar le t t i s s i t t ing i n a

32

strange p lace , l ike C h a r l e s upstairs . She 's u n d e r a table

w i t h o n e o f t h e smal l b r i desma ids . T h e y a r e b o t h d a n c

i n g t o t h e mus i c bu t o n l y u s i n g the i r h an d s f o r t h e

d a n c i n g m o v e m e n t s .

' H a v e y o u g o t a b o y f r i e n d ? ' Scar le t t asks t h e l i tt le

g ir l , w h o s e n a m e i s F reda .

'Yes, ' s a y s F reda .

' W h a t ' s h i s n a m e ? '

' D o l p h . He ' s g o o d a t t ab le - t enn i s . A n d y o u ? '

' N o . N ob o y f r i e n d . '

' W h y n o t ? '

' I d o n ' t know, ' says Scar le t t , a l i tt le u n h a p p i l y . ' W h e

n I l ike m e n , t h e y d o n ' t s e e m t o l ike m e . T h e y t h i n k

I ' m s tup id . T h e n , t h e ones w h o l ike me — w e l l , I t h i n k

they're s tup id ! I d o n ' t w a n t t o g o o u t w i t h t h e m . S o t h a

t doesn ' t g e t m e a n y w h e r e , d o e s i t? '

Upsta i rs , i n t h e b e d r o o m , t i m e passes. Lyd i a a n d

B e r n a r d a r e still m a k i n g l ove , v e r y noisi ly . C h a r l e s i s

s i t t ing o n t h e bas in i n t h e w a s h r o o m . H e l o o k s a t h i s

w a t c h .

' G o d , a r e t h e y g o i n g t o f in ish s o o n ? ' h e

w o n d e r s . I f h e ' d k n o w n t h e y w e r e g o i n g t o take s o

l o n g , h e w o u l d n ' t hav e h i d d e n there.

' O h - I l o v e m y w i f e ! ' cr ies B e r n a r d .

' I - l o v e - m y - h u s b a n d ! ' s c reams L y d i a .

T h e y f i n i s h . A f t e r a q u i e t m o m e n t o r t w o B e r n a r d

says, ' W e ' d bet ter go d o w n s t a i r s n o w , I suppose . '

C h a r l e s n o d s . 'Yes ! Y e s ! ' h e s a y s s i lent ly t o h imse l f .

'Or , ' s a y s L y d i a , ' w e c o u l d w a i t a f e w m i n u t e s —

a n d start again! '

' N o , n o ! ' C h a r l e s shakes h i s h e a d ins ide t h e c u p b o a r d .

H e real ly c a n ' t stay t h e r e a n y l o n g e r , s o h e o p e n s t h

e d o o r . H e walks past L y d i a a n d B e r n a r d w h o a r e still l y i

n g o n t h e b e d . T h e y a r e a m a z e d a n d stare a t h i m i n

grea t surpr ise , b u t he p r e t e n d s that

3 3

it's n o t s t range a t all. H e h o l d s u p a p e n c i l a s h e w a l k s

t o w a r d s t h e d o o r o f t h e r o o m .

' I f o u n d i t ! ' h e s ays, a n d g o e s o u t .

B u t h i s t r oub le s a r e n o t over . H e n r i e t t a i s ou t s ide .

' C h a r l e s , w e m u s t talk, ' s h e s a y s f i rmly .

' R i g h t , r ight , ' he s a y s pleasantly. I s t h i s a b a d

d r e a m ? B u t h e w o u l d ra ther ta lk t o H e n r i e t t a t ha n

stay i n t h e b e d r o o m w i t h B e r n a r d a n d L y d i a !

T h e y start w a l k i n g d o w n s t a i r s t o g e t h e r .

' T h e t h i n g i s , C h a r l i e , I ' v e s p o k e n t o lo ts o f p e o p l e a b o u t y o u . '

' O h , G o d ! ' says C h a r l e s .

' A n d e v e r y o n e agrees t h a t y o u ' r e i n r e a l t roub le ,

Char les , ' s h e c o n t i n u e s ser iously .

' A m I ? ' h e asks.

' Y o u see , y o u h a v e o n e g i r l f r i en d after ano ther , b u t y

o u d o n ' t l o v e a n y o f t h e m . Y o u n e v e r l e t a w o m a n g e t

c lose t o y o u a t all.'

' N o , n o , H e n , it's n o t l i k e that — ' says C h a r l e s .

B u t it's n o g o o d . H e n r i e t t a c o n t i n u e s , ' Y o u ' r e n i c e

t o t h e m , s w e e t t o t h e m — y o u w e r e s w e e t t o m e ,

t h o u g h y o u t h o u g h t I w a s s tupid . '

' I d idn ' t . '

' Ye s y o u d i d . Y o u d o n ' t g i v e p e o p l e a c h a n c e .

W h e n e v e r y o u have a n e w g i r l f r i end , y o u t h i n k , " I

m u s t n ' t fall i n l ove . I mus tn ' t g e t m a r r i e d . ' "

' H e n , y o u k n o w m e ! I d o n ' t t h i n k l i ke that! M o s t o f t h e t i m e

- w e l l , I d o n ' t t h i n k a t all! '

' O h , C h a r l i e ! ' H e n r i e t t a s u d d e n l y t h r o w s h e r a r m s

a r o u n d h i m . ' T h e w a y y o u u s e d t o l o o k a t m e ! I

t h o u g h t - I t h o u g h t t h a t y o u w e r e g o i n g t o a s k m e t

o m a r r y y o u ! B u t y o u w e r e o n l y t h i n k i n g a b o u t h o w t

o l eave m e . O h - t h i s i s aw f u l ! '

S h e w a l k s away. S h e i s v e r y upset . C h a r l e s j u s t stands

there . H e

3 4

can' t m o v e . Ac tua l l y , h e doesn ' t k n o w w h a t t o d o . T h e

n h e turns r o u n d a n d sees C a r r i e b e h i n d h i m .

' A r e y o u h a v i n g a g o o d t i m e ? ' s h e asks h i m .

' O h , yes , o f c o u r s e ! W o n d e r f u l — b e t t e r t h a n m y

f ather's funeral ! R e a l l y en te r ta in ing ! ' C h a r l e s says. ' I

t h o u g h t y o u ' d gone . '

' N o - H a m i s h i s g o i n g o n t h e n i g h t t ra in t o

E d i n b u r g h . I j u s t w e n t w i t h h i m t o t h e s ta t ion . B u t I a m

l e a v i n g n o w . D o y o u w a n t t o c o m e w i t h m e ? '

S o C h a r l e s a n d C a r r i e d r i v e o f f t o g e t h e r t h r o u g h

t h e l a te - n igh t streets o f L o n d o n . T h e t a x i takes t h e m t

o C a r r i e ' s flat.

' A r e y o u c o m i n g u p f o r a d r i n k ? ' s h e asks C h a r l e s .

' A r e y o u sure? ' h e asks. H e l o o k s ra ther d o u b t f u l

a b o u t t h e s i tuat ion .

'Yes - I t h i n k w e c a n take a c h a n c e ! ' s h e

j o k e s . ' Y o u ' r e attractive — b u t I c a n s t i l l refuse y o u ,

no p r o b l e m ! Y o u ' r e n o t so attractive, y o u k n o w ! '

C h a r l e s i s n o t f e e l i n g v e r y c o n f i d e n t after a l l t h

e h o r r i b l e things that have h a p p e n e d today, s o h e

doesn ' t share t h e j o k e .

' O K . Yes . Great . ' h e s ays, w i t h o u t a s mi le .

B u t a s s o o n a s t h e y a r e t o g e t h e r i n C a r r i e ' s flat, it's l i

k e t h e last t ime that t h e y m e t . T h e y kiss, a n d b e c o m e

lovers aga in . T h e y a r e bo th v e r y h a p p y t o b e w i t h e a c h

o ther , a n d t h e y s p e n d t h e n i g h t together . B u t C a r r i e i s

s till g o i n g t o m a r r y H a m i s h . C h a r l e s h a s

left i t all t o o late.

I n t h e ear ly m o r n i n g , C h a r l e s gets u p first. H e p u

t s o n h i s forma l w e d d i n g suit aga in ; h e doesn ' t hav e a n y

o t h e r c l o the s w i t h h im . H e l o o k s a t C a r r i e f o r a l o n g

m o m e n t , a n d s h e l o o k s b a c k a t h i m . S h e i s v e r y

beaut i fu l . T h e y s e e m t o b e i n l o v e a n d C h a r l e s doesn't

w a n t t o g o . Final ly , h e turns a n d leaves t h e r o o m

quiet ly . W h a t w o u l d hav e h a p p e n e d t o t h e c o u p l e i f

C h a r l e s hadn ' t b e e n s o con fused?

3 5

Chapter 3 A Free Saturday

I t i s near l y n o o n o n Saturday, S e p t e m b e r t h e 1 s t .

C h a r l e s i s i n b e d , as leep a s usua l . T h e d o o r o p e n s , a

n d Scar le t t c o m e s i n , c a r r y i n g c u p s a n d p lates a n d t h

e m o r n i n g le t ters .

' G o o d m o r n i n g , C h a r l e s . I 've b r o u g h t u s s o m e

breakfast . S o r r y t h e toast's a b i t b u r n t . '

S h e sits d o w n o n t h e e d g e o f t h e b e d .

C h a r l e s w a k e s u p . Scar le t t p o u r s t h e t e a a n d s preads

b u t t e r o n t h e toast . T h e y eat breakfas t t o g e t h e r

c o m f o r t a b l y .

' W h a t a r e y o u g o i n g t o d o t o d a y ? ' s h e a s k s h i m .

'We l l , ' s a y s C h a r l e s , ' t o d a y i s a d a y w i t h o u t a

w e d d i n g . A f r e e S a t u r d a y ! * T h e o n l y t h i n g t h a t I h a v e

t o d o i s t o m e e t D a v i d . I mus tn ' t b e late f o r h i m . ' H e

p i c k s u p a l a rge w h i t e e n v e l o p e a n d o p e n s i t .

' I t h i n k I'l l l o o k f o r a j o b today, ' says Scar let t . ' I

h e a r d a b o u t o n e t h e o t h e r day, a s a s h o p assistant. Y o

u h a v e t o sell s trange c l o t h e s t o s t range p e o p l e . I t h i n k

I ' d b e g o o d a t i t . '

B u t C h a r l e s isn't c o n c e n t r a t i n g . H e i s s t u d y i n g t h e c

a r d i n t h e e n v e l o p e . H e l o o k s r a the r upse t .

' A r e y o u a l l r i g h t ? ' Scar le t t asks h i m .

'It's tha t g i r l , C a r r i e - d o y o u r e m e m b e r ? T h e

A m e r i c a n g ir l . I t ' s t h e i n v i t a t i o n t o h e r w e d d i n g . '

T h e i n v i t a t i o n also tells guests t h e address o f t h e s h o p

w h e r e t h e y c a n b u y presents f o r t h e b r i d e a n d g r o o m .

T h i s i s a n o t h e r c u s t o m f o r s o m e p e o p l e i n E n g l a n d . I t

s e e m s that C h a r l e s i s s till g o i n g t o s p e n d h i s t i m e t o d a y

o n w e d d i n g s .

* In Britain, most weddings happen on a Saturday.

3 6

But Charles isn't concentrating. He is studying the card in the envelope.

'It's that girl, Carrie —do you remember? The American girl.

It's the invitation to

her wedding.'

T h e s h o p i s h o r r i b l y e x p e n s i v e . T h e r e a r e h a n d m a d e

carpe ts , there i s f u rn i ture f r o m d i f ferent parts o f t h e

w o r l d , a n d t h e p l ac e i s full o f a l l k i n d s o f u n u s u a l a n d

beaut i fu l t h ings .

T h e s h o p assistant i s a lso v e r y e l egan t . S h e l o o k s

d o w n h e r n o s e a t C h a r l e s , w h o i s w e a r i n g a n o l d

shir t w i t h h i s shorts a n d r u n n i n g shoes . H e doesn ' t l o o

k a t a l l smart .

' E x c u s e me , ' h e a s k s h e r . ' D o y o u hav e t h e

w e d d i n g list f o r B a n k s ? H a m i s h a n d C a r r i e B a n k s ? '

C a r r i e B a n k s i s w h a t C a r r i e w i l l b e ca l led after h e r

m a r r i a g e t o H a m i s h .

T h e assistant l o o k s a t C h a r l e s w i t h d is l ike . 'Ce r ta in l y ,

sir. I c a n s h o w y o u p l e n t y o f presents f o r a b o u t o n e

t h o u s a n d p o u n d s . '

' A h ! ' says C h a r l e s , w h o i s a m a z e d , b u t i s t r y i n g n o t t o

s h o w i t .

' W h a t a b o u t presents for fifty p o u n d s ? '

' Y o u c a n b u y t h i s one , ' s a y s t h e assistant. S h e

po in t s t o a l i f e - size w o o d e n A f r i c a n m a n .

37

' T h i s ? ' s a y s C h a r l e s . ' E x c e l l e n t ! '

' Y o u c a n b u y it,' t h e assistant says nasti ly, ' i f y o u c a n

f ind s o m e o n e t o p a y t h e o t h e r three t housand , n i n e

h u n d r e d a n d f i f t y pounds . '

C h a r l e s smi les . H e i s s t i l l b e i n g v e r y p o l i t e a n d

t r y i n g t o l o o k c a l m .

' O r w e sell plastic b a g s f o r o n e p o u n d f i f t y p e n c e

each, ' she c o n t i n u e s . ' W h y d o n ' t y o u j u s t b u y t h i r t y - t h r e e

o f t h e m ? '

'Ac tua l l y , I t h i n k I ' l l p r o b a b l y l eave i t . T h a n k s

v e r y m u c h . Y o u ' v e b e e n v e r y . . . ' H e w a s g o i n g t o

s a y ' he lp fu l ' , b u t i t w o u l d n ' t b e t rue .

A s h e t u r n s r o u n d t o g o o u t o f t h e s h o p , C a r r i e w a l k s i n .

' W h a t d i d y o u ge t? ' s h e a s k s h i m , smi l ing . S h e l o o k s v e r y happy.

' O h — n o t h i n g , n o t h i n g ye t ! I 've j u s t b e e n

l o o k i n g , ' says C h a r l e s . I t i s o n c e aga in a surpr i se t o

m e e t her . He i s a lways d e l i g h t e d t o s e e h e r , b u t h e

n e v e r k n o w s w h a t t o say.

'It's n i c e t o s e e y o u , ' s h e says.

'It's n i c e t o s e e you,' s a y s C h a r l e s .

'It's great , g e t t i n g presents, ' s a y s C a r r i e . S h e l aughs . ' W

h y d idn ' t I g e t m a r r i e d years a g o ? H a s a n y b o d y

b o u g h t t h e w o o d e n A f r i c a n y e t ? ' s h e asks t h e assistant.

' T h e y o u n g m a n i s t h i n k i n g a b o u t it,' s a y s t h e

assistant, i c i l y p o l i t e .

C h a r l e s n o d s t hough t fu l l y , t r y i n g t o l o o k a s i f t h i s i

s a s e r i o u s idea .

' O h no , ' s a y s C a r r i e , w h o i s q u i c k t o

u n d e r s t a n d . ' G e t m e s o m e t h i n g smal l — a t e a p o t o r

s o m e t h i n g . A r e y o u free f o r a b o u t h a l f a n h o u r ? '

' Y e s — I h a v e t o m e e t m y b ro ther , b u t — I c a n b e a

l itt le b i t late.' It's a l ie . D a v i d w i l l b e a n n o y e d i f C h a r l e s

i s l a t e . B u t h e doesn ' t w a n t t o miss t h e c h a n c e t o

s p e n d s o m e t i m e w i t h C a r r i e .

' G o o d , ' s h e says. ' C o m e w i t h m e . I ' v e g o t t

o m a k e a n i m p o r t a n t dec i s ion . '

•

38

S h e takes C h a r l e s o f f t o t h e dress s h o p w h e r e s h e

plans t o c h o o s e h e r w e d d i n g dress.

' T h e m o s t i m p o r t a n t t h i n g ' , s h e says, ' i s — p lease d o n ' t l augh! '

' O K . R i g h t , ' says C h a r l e s , ser iously .

T h e a s s i s t a n t b r i ng s dress after dress. C a r r i e

takes e ac h o n e away a n d tr ies i t o n . E a c h t i m e , w h e n

she's ready, s h e c o m e s o u t a n d s h o w s C h a r l e s . T h e first

dress i s v e r y c o m p l i c a t e d , w i t h f u l l skirts.

' W h a t d o y o u t h i n k ? ' s h e asks h i m .

' L o v e l y ! ' s a y s C h a r l e s .

'Isn't it a b i t l ike a cake? ' s h e

asks h i m . W e l l — ' s a y s C h a r l e s .

' D o n ' t wor ry , ' s a y s C a r r i e . ' I t h o u g h t s o t o o ! B u t

w e ' v e o n l y jus t b e g u n . '

S h e c o m e s o u t n e x t i n a v e r y m o d e r n sty le o f d r e

s s . Actua l ly , i t i s n o t real ly a dress a t a l l — i t ' s a suit

w i t h trousers , a l o n g o p e n coat , a n d a v e r y smal l t op .

S e x y !

' W h a t d o y o u t h i n k this t i m e ? ' asks C a r r i e .

' Y o u ' r e j o k i n g ! ' s a y s C h a r l e s .

' B u t it's w o n d e r f u l , isn't i t ? M a y b e n e x t t i m e . . . '

T h e n e x t dress i s l o n g , i n a ' c o u n t r y g i r l ' s tyle, l i

k e a n o l d e i g h t e e n t h - c e n t u r y p ic ture . I t i s qu i t e

sw e e t , b u t n o t r i gh t f o r Car r i e .

' W h a t d o y o u t h i n k ? ' s h e a s k s a g a i n .

' A h — ' s a y s C h a r l e s .

' I k n e w it! ' s h e says, smi l ing , a n d g o e s b e h i n d t h e

cur ta in to take it off.

T h e n s h e c o m e s o u t i n a v e r y s imp le , b u t v e r y s e x y dress.

'It's a b i t sexy,' s h e says.

' I f I w a s y o u r h u s b a n d , I ' d b e s o p roud , ' says

Char l e s , an d h e means i t . ' B u t m a y b e y ou ' r e r i gh t . Y o u

don ' t w a n t t h e pr iest t o g e t t o o e x c i t e d ! '

A f t e r C a r r i e h a s c h o s e n h e r d ress, t h e y g o t o a c a f e t o g e t h e r

3 9

t o d r i n k tea. I t h a s s tarted to ra in n o w .

' M a r r i a g e i s strange, ' s a y s C h a r l e s . 'Just o n e m a n

a n d o n e w o m a n — n o m o r e l overs , e v e r ! D o y o u t h i n k

y o u ' l l stay fa i th fu l? '

'Yes , o n c e I ' m m a r r i e d , ' C a r r i e repl ies . ' I t o l d

H a m i s h that I w o u l d ki l l h i m i f h e g o e s w i t h a n o t h e r

w o m a n . S o I ' d b e t t e r d o t h e same , I t h i n k , a n d l eave

o t h e r m e n a lone . '

' Q u i t e r ight , ' s a y s C h a r l e s .

' A n d I 've h a d p l e n t y o f l overs i n m y life,' s h e c o n t i n u e s .

' H a v e y o u ? ' a s k s C h a r l e s , surpr i sed . ' H o w m a n y i s " p l e n t y " ? '

' W e l l — o h I d o n ' t k n o w , ' says C a r r i e , a l i t t le b i t embarrassed .

' M o r e t h a n one . '

'Te l l m e ! ' s a y s C h a r l e s . ' T h e r e a r e n o secrets

b e t w e e n u s n o w . I 've s e e n t h e w e d d i n g d r e s s ,

r e m e m b e r ? '

' W e l l — ' says C a r r i e , a n d s h e starts t o c o u n t o n h e r f i

n g e r s . ' T h e first o n e , o f c o u r s e , y o u n e v e r f o rge t . I t w a

s n i ce . N u m b e r t w o - h e h a d t o o m u c h ha i r on h i s

b a c k ! T h r e e — f o u r - f ive - n u m b e r s i x w a s o n m y

b i r thday , i n m y parents ' b e d r o o m . '

' W h i c h b i r t h d a y ? ' a s k s C h a r l e s q u ick ly .

' M y s e v e n t e e n t h , ' s h e answers .

' S e v e n t e e n ? Y o u g o t t o n u m b e r s i x b y y o u r

s e v e n t e e n t h b i r t h d a y ? '

' I g r e w u p i n t h e c o u n t r y — it's d i f ferent there, ' s h e

says. ' O K — s e v e n w a s g o o d . E i g h t - ra ther smal l ! T h a t

w a s a s h o c k ! N i n e - w e w e r e s t a n d i n g u p against a

gate . N e v e r t r y i t , C h a r l e s . It's v e r y u n c o m f o r t a b l e . '

' I w o n ' t , ' h e p r o m i s e s h e r ser iously .

' T e n w a s w o n d e r f u l , real ly l i k e heaven . '

' I ha te h i m , ' says C h a r l e s .

' E l e v e n — n o g o o d . N u m b e r s t w e l v e t o s e v e n t e e n w e r

e d u r i n g my un i ve r s i t y years . T h e y w e r e a l l n i ce ,

i n te l l i gen t b o y s — b u t t h e sex w asn ' t m u c h g o o d . E i g h t e e

n b r o k e m y hear t . I c o u l d n ' t f o rge t

h i m f o r years af terwards. '

' I ' m sorry, ' C h a r l e s says.

4 0

' I d o n ' t r e m e m b e r n u m b e r n i n e t e e n . B u t m y

g i r l f r i end s a y s that i t d i d h a p p e n — t w i c e . S h e shared

my r o o m , s o s h e shou l d k n o w . T w e n t y — a r e w e

real ly a t t w e n t y ? G o d ! T w e n t y - o n e — h o r r i b l e ! I d o n ' t

w a n t t o t a l k a b o u t h i m . T w e n t y - t w o - we l l , h e w a s

a lways fa l l ing as leep! T h a t w a s m y first y e a r i n

Eng land . '

' I m u s t a p o l o g i z e f o r E n g l a n d , a n d E n g l i s h m e n , ' s a y s C h a r l e s .

' T w e n t y - t h r e e a n d t w e n t y - f o u r w e r e t o g e t h e r — I

w o n ' t forget that! '

' S e r i o u s l y ? ' a s k s C h a r l e s , b u t s h e w o n ' t a n s w e r h i m .

H e i s n o t sure h o w m u c h o f t h i s i s s e r i ous a t all.

' T w e n t y - f i v e w a s a l o v e l y F r e n c h m a n . T w e n t y - s i x w a s a n awfu l

F r e n c h m a n . T w e n t y - s e v e n w a s a mistake. '

' S u d d e n l y , a t n u m b e r t w e n t y - s e v e n , y o u m a d e a m is take? ' asks

C h a r l e s . ' C a n this real ly b e t rue? '

' H e k e p t o n s c reaming , ' s a y s C a r r i e s imply . ' I

near ly gave u p s e x after that . B u t S p e n c e r c h a n g e d m

y m i n d f o r m e . H e w a s n u m b e r t w e n t y - e i g h t . T h e n

there w a s h i s father , n u m b e r t w e n t y - nine. '

' Spencer ' s fa ther? ' C h a r l e s repeats .

' T h e n th i r t y — h o r r i b l e ! T h i r t y - o n e — o h m y G o d ! T h i r t y - t w o

- ' s h e pauses . ' T h i r t y - t w o w a s lovely . A n d t h e n there's

H a m i s h , n u m b e r th i r ty - three . '

' S o I w a s - after H a m i s h ? ' a s k s C h a r l e s . H e

real ly w a n t s t o k n o w n o w .

' N o , y o u w e r e t h i r t y - t w o , ' repl ies C a r r i e , a n d

C h a r l e s t h i n k s a b o u t this .

' Tha t ' s i t , then , ' says C a r r i e . 'Less t h a n M a d o n n a ,

m o r e t h a n Pr incess D i a n a — I h o p e . W h a t a b o u t y o u ?

H o w m a n y p e o p l e have y o u s lept w i t h ? '

' N o t a s m a n y a s y o u ! ' C h a r l e s answers . ' I p r o b a b l y

d o n ' t h a v e e n o u g h t i m e . W h a t d o I d o w i t h m y t ime?

Actua l l y , I d o n ' t rea l l y k n o w . I w o r k - yes , that's i t !

W o r k , w o r k a n d m o r e w o r k . I ' m a lways w o r k i n g late! '

41

Carrie and Charles both stop talking. There is a very

serious, silent moment; something has happened, and

they both feel it.

C a r r i e l aughs . A n d sudden ly , t h e y b o t h s top t a lk ing .

T h e r e i s a v e r y s e r i ous , s i lent m o m e n t ; s o m e t h i n g h a s

h a p p e n e d , a n d t h e y b o t h f e e l i t .

' I w i s h I ' d p h o n e d y o u , ' says C h a r l e s . ' B u t y o u d idn ' t

r i n g m e . ' T h e n h e l o o k s a t h i s w a t c h . ' O h , he l l ! H e l p m

e , p lease! I ' m late — aga in! '

W h e n t h e y r e a c h t h e c i n e m a , D a v i d i s s till w a i t i n g

ou t s ide . I f i t h a d n ' t b e e n h i s b r o t h e r h e w o u l d h a v e

p r o b a b l y h a v e left b y n o w . C h a r l e s i s very , v e r y late.

D a v i d s igns t o h i m , ' Y o u ' r e n o t m y b r o t h e r a n y m o r e !

Y o u ' r e j u s t s o m e s tup id f o o l t h a t I o n c e m e t ! '

' C a r r i e , this i s D a v i d , m y brother , ' s a y s C h a r l e s . ' T h i s i

s Car r i e , ' h e s igns .

4 2

'H i , ' says C a r r i e .

' W e w e r e b u y i n g a w e d d i n g dress f o r her, ' C h a r l e s s igns.

'That ' s a real ly p o o r excuse , ' D a v i d repl ies .

' W h o ' s s h e m a r r y i n g ? '

T h e y c a n n o w hav e a s ecre t c o n v e r s a t i o n ,

b e c a u s e C a r r i e doesn ' t u n d e r s t a n d s ign l a n g u a g e .

' A real foo l , ' says C h a r l e s .

' H o w d o e s a f o o l f i n d a beau t i f u l w i f e l i k e he r? ' a

s k s D a v i d . C a r r i e i s w a i t i n g f o r a t rans lat ion .

'Yes , I ' m j u s t t e l l ing D a v i d t h a t y o u ' r e m a r r y i n g

H a m i s h . " W h a t a l u c k y m a n ! " h e said t o m e . '

' D i d n ' t y o u m a k e l o v e t o h e r o n c e ? ' a s k s D a v i d .

For tunate ly , C a r r i e s till can ' t u n d e r s t a n d .

' H e w a n t s t o k n o w w h e r e y o u a r e g e t t i n g

marr i ed , ' C h a r l e s p re tend s t o translate.

' I n Sco t land , ' C a r r i e answers .

'She 's g o t l o v e l y breasts! ' says D a v i d , a n d u s e s h

i s hands t o descr ibe t h e m .

' " O h , l o v e l y hills u p t here i n S c o t l a n d , " h e says! '

C h a r l e s translates qu ick ly .

' W h y d o n ' t y o u c o m e t o t h e w e d d i n g ? ' C a r r i e a s k s

D a v i d . ' I 'd l i k e s o m e n i c e f r iends t o c o m e — H a m i s h i s

g o i n g t o i nv i t e s o m e awfu l p e o p l e . W e l l , y o u ' d b e t t e r g o i

n a n d s e e t h e f i lm . G o o d b y e ! ' T h e b r o t h e r s w a t c h h e r a s

s h e w a l k s away. C h a r l e s a n d D a v i d

g o i n t o t h e c i n e m a , b u t s u d d e n l y C h a r l e s c h a n g e s h i s m i n d .

' O h , he l l ! ' h e says.

H e runs o u t o f t he c i n e m a a n d c hases C a r r i e u p

t h e steps. D a v i d i s left a l o n e a t t h e e n t r a n c e t o t h e

c i n e m a . C h a r l e s ca tches u p w i t h C a r r i e b y t h e r iver .

' C a r r i e ! - Sorry , sor ry ! O h — this i s s tup id —

y o u ' v e j u s t b o u g h t y o u r w e d d i n g dress. B u t I

w o n d e r e d i f there w a s any c h a n c e — n o , o b v i o u s l y n o t !

I 've o n l y s lept w i t h n i n e w o m e n - s o w h y a m I a s k i n g

silly ques t ions? B u t I j u s t w o n d e r e d — I real ly

43

fee l — w e l l , l e t m e s a y i t m o r e clearly , l i k e t h e m a n i n

t h e s o n g . O r w a s i t t h e m a n o n t e lev i s ion ? " I t h i n k I

l o v e y o u . " W o u l d y o u p e r h a p s l i ke t o — n o , n o , o f

c o u r s e n o t ! I ' m a f o o l , a n d h e isn't . E x c e l l e n t . E x c e l l e n t .

L o v e l y t o s e e y o u . M u s t g o n o w '

H e t u rns t o l eave , t h e n adds , ' D a m n ! '

' T h a t w a s v e r y sweet , ' says C a r r i e . S h e i s s m i l i n g a t

h i m a n d l o o k s v e r y a f fec t ionate .

' W e l l , I t h o u g h t a b o u t i t a l o t , y o u k n o w . I w a n t e d t o

g e t i t j u s t r i g h t . It's i m p o r t a n t t h a t I 've said it.'

' W h a t h a v e y o u said, e x a c t l y ? ' a s k s C a r r i e .

' I said that I t h i n k — o h , y o u k n o w w h a t I said! '

C h a r l e s i s f i n d i n g this v e r y d i f f icul t .

' Y o u ' r e lovely, ' s a y s C a r r i e , a n d kisses h i m . F o r a

m i n u t e , t h e y s tand c l o se t o g e t h e r , t h e n C a r r i e w a l k s

away. S h e l o o k s b a c k a t h i m o n e last t i m e .

4 4

Chapter 4 T h e Third Wedding

You are invited to the wedding of Hamish and

Carrie on September 28th, in the

church at Glenthrist Castle, Perthshire,

Scotland

I t i s already a co ld , w e t a u t u m n i n Sco t l an d b y t h e t ime

o f H a m i s h a n d Carr ie ' s w e d d i n g . T h e m o u n t a i n s a n d lakes

l o o k v e r y beaut i fu l b u t also v e r y g l o o m y a n d grey.

Char l e s a rrives late — as usual - a n d

tries t o c h a n g e q u i c k l y o u t o f t h e w a r m , h e a v y c lo thes t

h a t h e p u t o n f o r t h e j o u r n e y . H e takes o f f h i s

pu l l ove r a n d p u t s on h i s w e d d i n g coat be fore h e steps

o u t o f t h e car. T h e w e d d i n g i s i n t h e little c h u r c h that

b e l o n g s t o Hamish ' s castle.

T h e d o o r o f t h e c h u r c h m a k e s a l o u d no i se a s

C h a r l e s o p e n s i t . 'Sorry , sorry, ' h e w h i spe r s . E v e r y b o d y

turns r o u n d t o s e e w h o ' s there .

T h e l ittle c h u r c h l o o k s c h a r m i n g . T h e se rv i ce h a s b e g u n , a n d

C a r r i e i s s t and ing w i t h H a m i s h a n d t h e pr ies t a t t h e front . S h e

l ook s lovely , t o o - ser ious , b u t beaut i fu l . T h e pr iest a s k

s H a m i s h w h e t h e r h e w i l l t a k e C a r r i e f o r h i s w i f e .

' I do, ' s a y s H a m i s h .

H e asks C a r r i e w h e t h e r s h e i s w i l l i n g t o t a k e

H a m i s h f o r h e r husband .

' I do, ' answers C a r r i e .

' D a m n , d a m n , d a m n i t t o he l l ! ' w h i s p e r s C h a r l e s a s

v i o l e n t l y a s h e dares. H i s last h o p e h a s d i sappeared .

T h e r e c e p t i o n i s i n t h e f i n e castle that H a m i s h

o w n s . A s t h e guests w a l k there f r o m t h e c h u r c h t h e y c

a n hear specia l Scot t i sh mus ic b e i n g p layed . W h e n

t h e y arr ive , t hey a r e w e l c o m e d b y

4 5

servants w h o a r e w e a r i n g f o r m a l Sco t t i s h u n i f o r m s . A m

o n g t h e guests , m a n y o f t h e m e n a r e w e a r i n g

Sco t t i sh - s t y l e c l o thes t o o a n d s o m e o f t h e ladies a r e

also dressed i n t h e Sco t t i s h style. T h e b r i d e , t h e g r o o m

a n d t h e f am i l y a r e s t and in g i n a l ine . T h e guests shake

h a n d s w i t h t h e m a s t h e y c o m e i n . C a r r i e i s s t a nd in g

a t t h e e n d o f t h e l ine , n e x t t o H a m i s h . C h a r l e s

c o n g r a t u l a t e s C a r r i e .

' Y o u l o o k beaut i fu l , ' h e says a s h e shakes h e r h a n d .

T h e r e i s s o m e l i ve ly Sco t t i s h d a n c i n g i n t h e

m i d d l e o f t h e r o o m .

' O h , great ! ' says G a r e t h . 'It's l i ke o n e o f t hose f i lms ! I t ' s s o

S c o t t i s h that i t can ' t poss ib l y b e t r u e ! '

H e j o i n s i n t h e d a n c i n g enthusiast ica l ly .

' D e a r f r iends , ' h e s a y s a l i tt le later, w h e n h i s

usual g r o u p o f f r i ends i s s t a n d i n g t o g e t h e r a t t h e e d g e

o f t h e r o o m . ' N o n e o f u s

i s m a r r i e d . Y o u k n o w , I w a s a lways p r o u d o f that . N o t a

w e d d i n g r i n g b e t w e e n u s ! B u t n o w , I ' m g e t t i n g o lder ,

a n d i t ' s s u d d e n l y b e g u n t o m a k e m e sad. I ' d l i ke t o g o

t o t h e w e d d i n g o f s o m e o n e w h o I real ly love. '

' W e l l , d o n ' t b l a m e m e ! ' s a y s T o m . ' I ' ve asked e v e r y b o d y that I

k n o w t o m a r r y m e ! '

' Y o u h av e n ' t a sk e d m e , ' s a y s Scar le t t , a l i t t le sadly.

' H a v e n ' t I ? ' a s k s T o m i n surpr ise .

' N o , ' s h e shakes h e r h e a d .

' W e l l , Scar le t t — w o u l d y o u l i k e t o m a r r y m e ? '

' N o t h a n k y o u , T o m . I t w a s v e r y n i c e o f y o u t o a s k me . '

' W e l l , a n y t i m e y o u l ike, ' s a y s T o m k ind ly .

' G o o d m a n , T o m ! ' shout s G a r e t h . ' N o w , w h y d o n ' t t h

e rest o f y o u d o the same ? G o a n d f i n d h u s b a n d s a n d

w i v e s f o r yourse l ves ! T h o s e a r e y o u r o rders f o r

t o n i g h t . B u t f i r s t w e ' l l a l l d r i n k t o " T r u e L o v e ! ' "

' W h a t a b o u t y o u , F i ? ' T o m a s k s h i s sister. ' C a n

y o u s e e a h u s b a n d h e r e ? '

' O h , g e t lost , T o m ! ' repl ies F i o n a .

4 6

' T r u e l ove ! ' T h e y a l l raise the i r g l a sses.

T o m takes t h e idea seriously . H e tr ies t o talk t

o a pretty w o m a n , ' A l o t o f p e o p l e actua l ly m e e t

the i r husbands and w ives a t w e d d i n g s . D i d y o u k n o w

that? '

' Yes , I m e t m y h u s b a n d a t a w e d d i n g , ' s h e answers h i m .

' O h . O h we l l , ' s a y s T o m , a n d d r i nk s t h e rest o f his

w i n e v e r y quick ly . ' L o o k a t that! M y glass i s empty .

E x c u s e m e — '

Scar let t s eem s t o be h a v i n g be t t e r l u c k . T h e

p e r s o n s h e i s ta lk ing t o i s p r o b a b l y t h e b e s t - l o o k i n g m

a n a t t h e w e d d i n g . A n d he's n o t w e a r i n g Sco t t i s h

c l o the s — h e ' s A m e r i c a n .

'He l l o , m y name's Scarlett . L i k e Scarlett O ' H a r a i n Gone with the

Wind,* b u t I ' m m u c h l e s s t roub le than s h e was ! W h a t ' s y o u r name? '

' M y name ' s R h e t t , ' s a y s t h e A m e r i c a n .

' N o — f r o m t h e s a m e s tory? N o t rea l l y? '

' N o , n o t rea l ly ' h e smi les . ' M y name ' s Ches te r . '

' Y o u ' r e a j o k e r ! ' Scar le t t l aughs . ' W h e n I m e e t A m e

r i c a n s , I a lways t h i n k that they ' re g o i n g t o b e b o r i n g . B

u t o f course , you ' re n o t b o r i n g , a r e y o u ? Y o u ' r e l ove l y ! '

Scar let t h a s t o l o o k u p a l o n g w a y w h e n s h e talks

t o Ches ter . H e i s v e r y tall a n d s h e i s shor t . I t l o o k s q

u i t e f u n n y

C h a r l e s i s h i d i n g f r o m H e n r i e t t a , b u t s h e s o o n f inds h i m .

' O h , h i , H e n ! S o r r y — I d idn ' t c o m e t o t a l k t o y o u

because I really don ' t w a n t a n a r g u m e n t t o d a y I ' m sure

that w e ' v e g o t lots t o talk a b o u t , b u t n o t today, H e n , n

o t t oday ! '

' D i d I b e h a v e badly , l a s t t i m e ? ' H e n r i e t t a asks.

' I t w a s q u i t e f r i gh ten ing , ' s a y s C h a r l e s . ' L i k e a m u r d e r fi lm.'

H e n r i e t t a l aughs - s h e i s i n a g o o d m o o d . C h a r l e s

dec ides t h a t he's safe w i t h h e r today , a n d s o h e g o e s

o n t a l k in g t o her .

' O h , H e n , I ' m depressed, ' s a y s C h a r l e s . ' W h a t a b o u t

y o u ? H o w a r e y o u ? '

* A f amou s f i lm a n d nove l . Scarlett a n d R h e t t a r e t h e names o f t

h e t w o m o s t important p e o p l e i n i t .

4 7

' W e l l , I ' m q u i t e h a p p y actually, ' s h e says. ' I ' ve g

o t a n e w b o y f r i e n d a n d m y w e i g h t ' s d o w n t o a l m o s t

n o t h i n g . '

' Perhap s y o u w e r e r i gh t , H e n , ' s a y s C h a r l e s . ' Perhap s

w e s h o u l d h a v e g o t m a r r i e d . '

' G o d , n o ! ' s a y s H e n r i e t t a . ' I d o n ' t w a n t t o m a r r y

y o u r f r iends t o o , spec ia l l y F iona . '

' F i o n a l oves y o u , ' s a y s C h a r l e s .

' F i o n a calls m e D u c k - F a c e , ' says H e n r i e t t a .

' I ' ve n e v e r h e a r d that ! ' says C h a r l e s .

H e n r i e t t a k n o w s that he's l y i n g . ' C o m e t o l u n c h

somet ime , ' s h e says. ' G i v e m e a r ing. ' S h e g i ves h i m a

g e n t l e kiss o n t h e c h e e k .

A s s h e w a l k s away, F i o n a c o m e s u p t o C h a r l e s .

' H o w ' s D u c k - F a c e ? ' s h e asks.

'She ' s f ine , actually, ' s a y s C h a r l e s . ' N o t t o o m a d a t t h e m o m e n t . '

' Lad ie s a n d g e n t l e m a n , ' s a y s t h e best m a n . ' T h e b r i d e a n

d g r o o m ! ' H a m i s h a n d C a r r i e d a n c e t o g e t h e r i n t h e

m i d d l e o f t h e r o o m .

It's a f o r m a l S c o t t i s h d a n c e a n d e v e r y b o d y c l a p s t h e m . C h a r l e s

a n d F i o n a w a t c h t h e h a p p y c o u p l e w i t h t h e o t h e r

guests . F i o n a pu t s h e r h a n d o n Char les ' s s h o u l d e r a n d

l o o k s a t h i m . S h e c a n s e e

that h e l o o k s sad.

' Y o u l i k e this g i r l , d o n ' t y o u C h a r l e s ? ' asks F i o n a .

'Yes — it's a s t range t h i n g , this l o v e bus iness , w h e n

a t last i t h a p p e n s . . . a n d n o w she's m a r r y i n g

a n o t h e r man , ' answers C h a r l e s . ' B u t w h a t a b o u t y o u ,

Fifi? H a v e y o u m e t y o u r future h u s b a n d h e r e ? '

' N o — a n d I w o n ' t — i t ' s n o t l i k e that . I 've b e e n i n

l o v e w i t h t h e s a m e m a n f o r years. '

' H a v e y o u ? ' C h a r l e s a s k s i n surpr i se . ' W h o ' s that? '

' Y o u , Char l i e , ' s a y s F i o n a , v e r y l ightly . C h a r l e s stops

smi l ing . H e l o o k s s h o c k e d . F i o n a w a l k s a w a y a n d

g o e s i n t o a qu ie ter r o o m . C h a r l e s f o l l o w s h e r .

48

' I t w a s a lways y o u , e v e r s ince we first met , ' s a y s

F i ona . ' I k n e w that f r o m t h e first m o m e n t I s a w y o u .

" A c r o s s a c r o w d e d r o o m " — y o u k n o w w h a t t h e y s a y !

B u t i t doesn ' t mat ter . W e can' t d o a n y t h i n g a b o u t i t .

Tha t ' s l ife. A n d w e ' r e f r iends — " f r i e n d s " isn't bad , y o u

k n o w . It's q u i t e g o o d , r eally.'

C h a r l e s i s upse t , a n d he feels h e r pa in . A f e w

m o n t h s ago , h e d idn ' t k n o w l ove , b u t n o w h e k n o w s h

o w i t feels . H e i s d e e p l y so r r y f o r her , a n d takes h e r

h a n d .

' O h , F i ! It's n o t easy, i s i t ? '

' N o . B u t f o rge t i t — i t can ' t h a p p e n b e t w e e n u s , Char l i e . '

Just t h e n , M a t t h e w c o m e s i n . F i o n a p r e t e n d s that

n o t h i n g h a s h a p p e n e d .

' M a t t h e w dear! ' s h e s a y s br ight ly . ' W h e r e ' s G a r e t h ? '

' H e ' s b e i n g r u d e t o A m e r i c a n s , ' M a t t h e w answers .

' H o w t h o u g h t f u l o f h i m ! '

G a r e t h i s d a n c i n g w i t h a n A m e r i c a n w o m a n . S

h e l o o k s surpr i se d a s h e turns h e r r o u n d f a s t a n

d j u m p s a b o u t q u i t e

Gareth is dancing with an American woman.

4 9

v io l en t l y . T o m i s d a n c i n g t o o , a n d l o o k i n g h o p e f u l l y a t

e v e r y g i r l i n t h e r o o m . H e c lear ly hasn ' t f o u n d h i s

fu ture w i f e ye t !

W h e n it's t i m e f o r t h e s p e e c h e s , G a r e t h c o m e s b a c k

o v e r t o h i s f r i ends , v e r y h o t .

' Lad ie s a n d g e n t l e m e n , f i l l y o u r glasses, please, ' s a y

s t h e bes t m a n . ' U n u s u a l l y , t h e b r i d e w i l l m a k e t h e first

speech . '

' E x c e l l e n t , ' s a y s G a r e t h . ' I l o v e t h i s g i r l ! '

H e l o o k s a t C h a r l e s — h e k n o w s a b o u t Char les ' s fee l ings for

C a r r i e n o w .

' T h a n k y o u , ' s a y s C a r r i e , a s e v e r y b o d y c laps h e r . '

A n d t h a n k y o u t o t h o s e p e o p l e w h o ' v e f l o w n i n f r o m

t h e U n i t e d S ta tes . C o n g r a t u l a t i o n s t o t h e rest o f

y o u ! Y o u c a m e h e r e , e v e n t h o u g h y o u k n e w t h a t

a l l t h e s e t e r r i b l e A m e r i c a n s w e r e c o m i n g t o o ! '

P e o p l e l a u g h , a n d C h a r l e s l o o k s a t C a r r i e w i t h l ove .

' M y dea r D a d s h o u l d b e t h e o n e t o g i v e this s p e e c h .

B u t , sadly, he 's n o t a l ive today. I f h e w a s here , I k n o w

w h a t h e w o u l d say: " L o v e l y dress, g i r l ! B u t w h y t h e he l l

a r e y o u m a r r y i n g a m a n i n a s k i r t ? ' "

T h e y l a u g h aga in , t h o u g h H a m i s h i s n o t v e r y p l eased

w i t h this j o k e a b o u t S c o t t i s h c l o t h e s .

' M y a n s w e r is,' C a r r i e c o n t i n u e s , ' " B e c a u s e I l o v e h i m . " A s

J o h n L e n n o n said, " L o v e i s t h e answer . " A n d w e a l l k n o w that. '

T h e guests c lap l oud ly . C h a r l e s can ' t b e l i e v e that h e

h a s b e e n s o s tup id . W h y d id h e l e t h e r g o ? I f h e

hadn ' t b e e n s o s l o w h e w o u l d h av e b e e n t h e g r o o m

h e r e today.

' O h , o n e m o r e t h i n g ! ' s a y s C a r r i e . ' S o m e o n e h e r e

said that i f t h ing s d idn ' t g o w e l l w i t h H a m i s h , h e w o u l d

b e r eady t o take h i s p lace . W e l l , t h a n k y o u , a n d I'll l e t

y o u k n o w ! '

I t i s a v e r y c h e e k y t h i n g t o say, b u t H a m i s h l aughs

l oud ly . He b e g i n s t o m a k e h i s s p e e c h n o w , v e r y

con f ident l y . H a m i s h i s n o t s e l f - c o n s c i o u s . H e h a s h a d

years o f p rac t i c e i n p u b l i c speak ing . S u d d e n l y t here i s

a l o u d no i se , a k i n d o f crash , a t t h e b a c k .

50

' O h dear — s o m e o n e doesn ' t a g r e e w i t h m e ! ' h e

j o k e s . ' N o p r o b l e m ! I ' m u s e d t o that! '

B u t t h e crash w a s G a r e t h , fa l l ing u n c o n s c i o u s t o

t h e f l o o r . C h a r l e s , D a v i d a n d T o m g e t t o h i m qu i ck l y .

' F i n d a doc tor , ' says C h a r l e s , urgent ly . W h i l e H a m i s h

i s still speak ing , a d o c t o r i s f o u n d a m o n g t h e w e d d i n g

guests . H e g ives G a r e t h a q u i c k e x a m i n a t i o n . T h e n t h e y

c a r r y h i m i n t o a qu ie te r r o o m , a n d p u t h i m d o w n

g e n t l y o n t h e g r o u n d . C h a r l e s i s o n h i s k n e e s , h o l d i n g

Gare th ' s h e a d . B u t it's t o o l a t e . G a r e t h i s dead . T h e n

h e d e c i d e s that h e m u s t f ind M a t t h e w q u i c k l y a m o n g t

h e c r o w d o f guests .

C h a r l e s sees M a t t h e w a n d w a l k s t o w a r d s h i m . Just

b e f o r e h e reaches h i m , h e s tops — it's a h a r d

m o m e n t . T h e n h e m o v e s f o rward , takes M a t t h e w ' s a r m

a n d w h i s p e r s t o h i m . A s h e tells h i m a b o u t G a r e t h

t h e y c a n h e a r t h e guests b e h i n d t h e m b e g i n t o s ing .

51

Chapter 5 A Funeral

I t i s t h e d a y o f Gare th ' s funera l . I t takes p l ac e i n t h e

t o w n w h e r e Gare th ' s parents l ive , a smal l a n d d i r t y

t o w n , f u l l o f factor ies . G a r e t h d idn ' t c o m e f r o m a r i c h

family . I t i s r a in in g a n d grey, a n d e v e r y o n e l o o k s v e r y

sad. I t i s a b i g contras t t o t h e three w o n d e r f u l

w e d d i n g s . M a t t h e w a n d Gareth ' s f am i l y a r e d r i v e n t o t h

e c h u r c h i n a large b l a c k car. I n f ron t o f t h e m i s t h e

c a r w i t h Gare th ' s co f f in .

C h a r l e s arr ives a t t h e c h u r c h a n d s i t s d o w n n e x t

t o F iona , p u t t i n g h i s a r m a r o u n d her . C a r r i e i s there

t o o , q u i e t a n d w h i t e - f a c e d a t t h e b a c k . T h e

a t m o s p h e r e i s v e r y d i f ferent f r o m t h e a t m o s p h e r e a t t

h e w e d d i n g s . E v e r y b o d y i s w e a r i n g dark c lo thes a n d

n o b o d y i s t a l k ing .

' G o o d m o r n i n g , ' t h e pr ies t w e l c o m e s e v e r y b o d y .

' W e l c o m e t o y o u all , o n t h i s c o l d d a y . O u r s e rv i c e w i l l

b e g i n i n a f e w m inutes , b u t f i rs t w e ' v e asked Gare th ' s c

losest f r i end , M a t t h e w , t o s a y a f e w w o r d s . '

M a t t h e w steps f o r w a r d a n d stands n e a r t h e

co f f in . I t h a s beaut i fu l f l owers on i t .

' G a r e t h p re fe r re d funerals t o w e d d i n g s . " O n e d a

y I shall p r o b a b l y h a v e a funera l , " h e said, " b u t a

w e d d i n g — n e v e r ! ' "

P e o p l e sm i l e a n d b e g i n t o fee l a l i tt le b i t m o r e c o m f o r t a b l e .

' I r a n g a f e w p e o p l e a n d asked t h e m a b o u t G a r e t h .

W h a t d i d t h e y t h i n k a b o u t h i m ? W h a t c o m e s i n t o the i r

m i n d s w h e n they h e a r h i s n a m e ? W e l l , a l o t o f p e o p l e

said, " F a t . " A n d a l o t m o r e said " T e r r i b l y r u d e . " S o " v e r y

f a t a n d v e r y r u d e " w a s t h e w a y t h a t s trangers

d e s c r i b e d G a r e t h . B u t t h e n s o m e o f y o u h e r e rang m e

a n d said that y o u l o v e d h i m . Y o u r e m e m b e r v i s i t ing

Gare th , a n d h o w k i n d h e w a s t o h i s guests . Y o u

r e m e m b e r w h a t a n a d v e n t u r o u s c o o k h e w a s .

For tuna te l y , the secrets o f s o m e o f his

5 2

Matthew steps forward and stands near the coffin.

dishes , l ike d u c k w i t h banana , a r e l o s t f o r

ever ! G a r e t h real ly l o v e d l ife. I h o p e y o u w i l l

r e m e m b e r h i m spec ia l l y for that .

' H o w d o I r e m e m b e r h i m ? I can ' t f i n d t h e w o r d s —

I ' m sorry. S o I 've t ake n t h e w o r d s o f t h a t w o n d e r f u l

w r i t e r , W . H . A u d e n . T h i s i s w h a t I real ly w a n t t o say.'

H e reads f r o m a b o o k .

He was my North, my South, my

East and West, My working week and my

Sunday rest,

My noon, my midnight, my talk, my song

I thought that love would last for ever: I was wrong.

A f t e r t h e serv i ce , p e o p l e m e e t a n d t a l k

ou t s ide . I t w a s a v e r y e m o t i o n a l funera l

a n d e v e r y b o d y l o o k s v e r y sad. T h e c a r w i t

h

5 3

Gare th ' s co f f in i s d r i v e n away.

C h a r l e s f inds C a r r i e . 'It's g o o d o f y o u t o c o m e , ' h e

says. ' B u t d idn ' t i t spo i l y o u r h o n e y m o o n ? '

' O h , i t doesn ' t matter , ' s a y s C a r r i e . ' W e ' l l d o i t

a n o t h e r t i m e . Y o u k n o w , that t h i n g y o u s a i d i n t h e

street . . . '

' Yes , I ' m s o r r y a b o u t that, ' C h a r l e s says qu ick ly .

' N o , d o n ' t b e sorry . I l i k e d i t . I ' m g l a d t h a t y o u

s a i d i t . ' S h e kisses h i m g e n t l y o n t h e c h e e k , t h e n

w a l k s away. H e w a t c h e s h e r go-

' W o u l d y o u l i ke a w a l k , C h a r l i e ? ' a s k s T o m .

' Y e s — g o o d idea. '

' I ' v e n e v e r felt l i k e that, ' s a y s T o m . ' N o t l ike

M a t t h e w . N o t that k i n d o f l ove . W e l l , I f e l t s o m e t h i n g f o

r J i l l y w h e n I w a s y o u n g - '

' J i l ly? ' a s k s C h a r l e s , s u rpr i sed .

' O u r f a m i l y dog , ' T o m exp la ins .

' Yes . . . ' s a y s C h a r l e s . 'It's s t range , isn't it , w e ' v e a l l

b e e n f r i ends f o r years , a n d w e n e v e r n o t i c e d that

M a t t h e w a n d G a r e t h w e r e real ly m a r r i e d , i n t he i r o w n

way. '

T h e y h a v e r e a c h e d t h e r iver , b u t i t i s n o t a n

attract ive p l ac e — there a r e f ac to r i e s a l l a l o n g t h e

b a n k s . E v e r y t h i n g l o o k s c o l d a n d g l o o m y . C h a r l e s i s

h o l d i n g a n u m b r e l l a a s i t i s s t i l l ra in ing .

'It's hardes t f o r h i s parents, ' s a y s T o m . ' I h o p e I d i

e b e f o r e m y ch i ldren . '

' Y o u ' r e v e r y c o n f i d e n t that y o u ' l l g e t m a r r i e d , ' says C h a r l e s .

' B u t s h o u l d w e g e t m a r r i e d a t all , i f w e can ' t f ind

t h e r i g h t p e r s o n ? W e s a w t o d a y a t t h e s e rv i c e that

there can b e a p e r f e c t m a r r i a g e . A n d i f w e can ' t b e

l ike G a r e t h a n d M a t t h e w , pe rhap s w e s h o u l d j u s t f o r g e t

t h e idea . S o m e o f u s w o n ' t g e t m a r r i e d a t all.'

' I d o n ' t k n o w , Char l i e , ' says T o m , thought fu l l y . ' I don ' t

h o p e f o r t h e p e r f e c t m a r r i a g e . I ' m n o t l o o k i n g f o r

t h u n d e r a n d l i g h t n i n g . I

j u s t w a n t a n i ce , f r i end l y g i r l w h o l ikes m e t o o . T h e

n w e ' l l g e t m a r r i e d a n d b e happy . I t w o r k e d f o r m y

parents — w e l l , i t d i d f o r

5 4

years , unt i l t h e y separated . . . '

' T h e n I g i v e y o u s i x m o n t h s a t t h e m o s t , T o m , ' repl ies C h a r l e s .

' Y o u w o n ' t hav e t o w a i t a n y l o n g e r t h a n that . It ' l l

h a p p e n be fo r e then , y o u ' l l see. A n d m a y b e y o u ' r e r i gh t .

M a y b e w a i t i n g f o r t r u e

l ov e i s qu i t e useless. '

5 5

Chapter 6 T h e Fourth Wed ding

You are invited to the wedding of Charles and

— on July 15th at St Julian's Church,Smithfield,

London EC1

It's Char les ' s w e d d i n g day, b u t e v e n n o w he's n o t a w a k e ! H i s m a l e

f r iends gave h i m a spec ia l pa r t y l a s t n i gh t , and e v

e r y b o d y d r a n k t o o m u c h ! T h e a l a r m c l o c k r i ngs ,

C h a r l e s turns i t o f f . H e g e t s r e a d y t o g o b a c k t o

s leep aga in . B u t t h e n a n o t h e r b e l l r i ngs , a n d a n o t h e r !

' W h a t t h e hell 's h a p p e n i n g ? ' h e asks. H e l o o k s

a r o u n d t h e r o o m . T h e r e a r e t w e n t y o r th i r t y a l a r m

c l o c k s i n there w i t h h i m !

T o m h a s b e e n s l e e p i n g n e x t t o h i m . ' I d e c i d e d t h a t

w e m u s t n ' t b e la te! ' h e says br ight ly . ' I l i ke y o u r ha i r -

s ty l e — e x c e l l e n t f o r a w e d d i n g ! ' Char les ' s ha i r i s a

tota l mess . H e gets o u t o f b e d a n d g o e s i n t o t h e

k i t c h e n , s till i n h i s u n d e r w e a r . M a t t h e w i s a l ready

there ; he's g o i n g t o b e Char les ' s b e s t m a n . U n l i k e

C h a r l e s , h e l o o k s v e r y smar t .

' M a t t h e w - great ! ' s a y s C h a r l e s , s leepily . ' L i s t e n -

t hanks f o r d o i n g this t oday ! I w i s h G a r e t h w a s here. ' H

e k n o w s w h a t a hard t i m e M a t t h e w h a s h a d recent ly .

' H e ' d l ike t o b e h e r e too , ' s a y s M a t t h e w . ' S o r r y

w e ' r e s o l a t e . T h e o t h e r s a r e j u s t p a r k i n g t h e car. W e

t h o u g h t that w e c o u l d a l l g o i n T o m ' s c a r b e c a u s e it's s

o b ig . '

' La te? I s i t s o la te? ' a s k s C h a r l e s .

' Yes - it's 9 .45 . '

' N i n e f o r t y - f i v e ? ' C h a r l e s can ' t b e l i e v e i t .

' O n l y f o r t y - f i v e m i n u t e s un t i l y o u say, " I d o . ' "

' O h G o d !I w a n t e d t h e a l a r m t o r i n g a t e i g h t o ' c l o c k ! I told

T o m ! O h , he l l ! '

N o w Scar le t t c o m e s i n , s till i n h e r n ightdress . H e r h a i r l o o k s

5 6

te r r ib l e t o o a n d s h e i s y a w n i n g .

'Scar le t t? ' M a t t h e w s a y s . ' A r e y o u r eady? '

' O h yes , y e s — ' s h e answer s s leepily . 'Just g i v e

m e t w e n t y seconds ! ' A n d s h e m a k e s h e r s e l f a c u p o f

co f fee .

T h e y d r i v e a s fast a s t h e y c a n t o t h e c h u r c h .

C h a r l e s i s still p u t t i n g o n h i s t i e w h e n h e g e t s o u t o f

t h e c a r .

' W h a t ' s t h e t i m e ? ' h e a s k s urgent ly .

' H o n e s t l y ? ' asks M a t t h e w . ' Y o u real ly w a n t t o k n o w ? '

'Yes — tell m e , p lease! '

'Wel l , ' says M a t t h e w , 'it's a b o u t t e n t o n ine . '

C h a r l e s keep s o n r u n n i n g t oward s t h e c h u r c h , t h e n

s u d d e n l y h e real izes w h a t M a t t h e w said.

' Y o u rats! ' h e shouts . H i s f r iends a l l start l a u g h i n g ; t h e y

c h a n g e d t h e t i m e o n a l l t hos e c l o c k s . I f t h e y hadn ' t

p l aye d t h i s j o k e C h a r l e s w o u l d h a v e b e e n l a t e f o r h i s

o w n w e d d i n g !

T h e y ' v e g o t p l e n t y o f t i m e n o w , s o t h e y g e t

s o m e co f f e e a n d d r in k i t ou t s id e o n t h e grass.

F i o n a d e c i d e s t o m a k e a s p e e c h .

' I ' l l j u s t s a y a l i tt le w o r d , ' s h e b e g i n s . ' I ' ve w a t c h e d

Char les ' s g i r l f r iends c o m e a n d g o f o r years n o w . I

w a s w o r r i e d that h e w o u l d n e v e r g e t m a r r i e d ! B u t n o w

every th ing ' s g o i n g t o b e f ine. U n f o r t u n a t e l y , h i s b r i d e i s

q u i t e c razy - b u t perhap s that's w h y h e

loves her ! S o let's d r i n k t o C h a r l e s a n d h i s beaut i fu l

g i r l on t h i s sad day. B e h a p p y — a n d d o n ' t f o r g e t us ! '

' T h a n k you , ' says C h a r l e s .

' T o C h a r l e s — a n d D u c k - F a c e ! '

T h e y raise the i r plast ic co f f e e cups a n d d r i n k .

' T h a n k y o u , F i o n a , f o r t hose f e w k i n d w o r d s a b o u t

m y fu ture w i fe ! ' C h a r l e s repl ies . 'She 's sent a messag e f o r

y o u , t o o ! ' H e pul ls o u t a p i e c e o f p a p e r a n d reads - o

r p re tend s t o read — f r o m i t .

' " I f a n yo f y o uc o m e nea r m yh o u s e , I'll s e n d t h e d o g s

o u t t o g e t y o u ! ' "

5 7

Charles pulls out a piece of paper and reads — or pretends to

read — from it. '"If any of you come near my house, I'll send the

dogs out to get you!'"

E v e r y o n e l aughs , a n d t h e y s e t o f f f o r t h e

c h u r c h . Today , p e r h ap s f o r t h e first t i m e ever , C h a r l e s

w o n ' t b e late!

J o h n i s o n e o f t h e f i r s t guests t o arr ive . H e ' s t h e m a n

w h o s e w i f e w a s still s e e i n g T o b y d e Lis le . A n d h e

' s ac tua l l y Henr ie t ta ' s b ro ther .

' H o p e m y sister arr ives, ' h e s a y s t o C h a r l e s . ' Y o u

can' t h a v e a w e d d i n g w i t h o u t a b r i d e , y o u k n o w . A n d w

h y d idn ' t y o u h a v e a pa r t y last n i g h t ? '

' O h , b u t w e d id , w e d id — w e d idn ' t t h i n k i t w a s a

g o o d idea! ' says C h a r l e s hur r i ed l y . J o h n , o f c o u r s e , w a s

n o t i n v i t e d t o t h e par ty !

' Y o u l o o k l o v e l y today, F i , ' C h a r l e s says t o F i o n a , a s t h e y e n t e r

5 8

t h e c h u r c h t oge ther . She 's w e a r i n g a smar t j a c k e t o f red ,

b l u e a n d o t h e r c o l o u r s .

'Yes, ' s h e repl ies . ' I d e c i d e d that I w o u l d n ' t w e a r

b l a c k a n y more . ' Usua l l y , F i o n a c h o o s e s b l a c k o r d a r

k c o l o u r s f o r h e r c l o thes . ' F r o m n o w o n , I ' m g o i n g

t o w e a r b r i g h t c o l o u r s , a n d f ind s o m e b o d y w h o ' l l fall

i n l o v e w i t h m e . T h a t ' l l b e d i f ferent , w o n ' t i t? '

' Y o u ' r e a d e a r girl , ' says C h a r l e s , a n d g i ves h e r a f r i end l y kiss.

C h a r l e s s tays a l o n e i n t h e c h u r c h . H e w a l k s a r o u n d

a n d l o o k s rather u n c o m f o r t a b l e a n d n e r v o u s . H e doesn ' t

l o o k a s h a p p y a s b r i d e g r o o m s usua l l y l o o k o n the i r

w e d d i n g d a y .

O u t s i d e t h e c h u r c h , Scar le t t a n d M a t t h e w a r e

w e l c o m i n g t h e guests . As usua l , Scar le t t i s w e a r i n g

s o m e t h i n g s trange — t h i s t i m e it's a f o r m a l w e d d i n g suit ,

b u t m a d e i n a man ' s style. I t l o o k s qu i t e

s w e e t o n h e r , b u t a l i tt le b i t o d d . Sudden l y , s h e

screams! C h e s t e r h a s c o m e — h e r tall , c h a r m i n g

A m e r i c a n f r o m C a r r i e a n d H a m i s h ' s w e d d i n g . S h e i s

d e l i g h t e d !

' I t h o u g h t t h a t y o u ' d g o n e b a c k t o A m e r i c a ! '

s h e says, exc i ted ly .

' W i t h o u t y o u ? ' h e asks. ' N e v e r ! ' A n d h e g i ves h e r a b i g kiss.

A n o l d m a n appears a t t h e d o o r . It's t h e c r a z y m a

n w h o s a t n e x t t o C h a r l e s a t t h e first w e d d i n g !

' B r i d e o r g r o o m ? ' M a t t h e w a s k s h i m , s o t h a t h e c a n s h o w h i m

w h e r e t o sit.

T h e o l d m a n l o o k s a t h i m angr i ly . ' I ' m ne i the r ! ' h e s

a y s . ' C a n ' t y o u see? '

T o m i s l o o k i n g after a y o u n g l a d y c a l l e d D e i r d r e .

' B r i d e o r g r o o m ? ' h e a s k s h e r .

'Br ide , ' s h e says. S h e l o o k s l ike a n i c e g i r l — v e r y

g e n t l e a n d pretty. B u t f o r T o m , it's s o m e t h i n g m o r e . It's

l o v e a t first s ight !

' H a v e n ' t w e m e t b e f o r e ? ' h e a s k s h e r .

' Yes , w ehave , a b o u tt w e n t y - f i v e years ago . W e ' r ecous in s —

w e l l , distant cous ins ! ' s h e smi les a t h i m . ' Y o u ' r e T o m , aren ' t y o u ? '

5 9

' S o y o u ' r e fami ly ! W o n d e r f u l — w e l l , d o sit here , De i rdre , ' h e says.

' G o o d G o d ! ' h e tells h imse l f , a s h e w a l k s away.

' T h u n d e r a n d l i g h t n i n g ! '

C h a r l e s i s e v e n m o r e n e r v o u s n o w , a s h e sees a l l

t h e guests c o m i n g i n .

' G o o d l u c k ! ' s a y s t h e pr iest , pass ing b y .

L y d i a a n d B e r n a r d a r r i ve t o g e t h e r , a n d C h a r l e s g o e s

o v e r t o w e l c o m e t h e m .

' H o w a r e y o u ? ' h e asks.

' V e r y t i red , actual ly, ' s a y s B e r n a r d .

T h e n C h a r l e s s u d d e n l y s e e s C a r r i e , w h o h a s c o m e

a lone . H e d idn ' t have a n y i dea t h a t she w a s c o m i n g .

She 's l o o k i n g e l egan t b u t s h e s e e m s t o b e i n a q u i e t

m o o d , a n d a l i tt le sad.

' H i ! ' h e says. ' Y o u l o o k love ly . B u t t h e n y o u a lways

l o o k n i c e a t w e d d i n g s ! '

S h e smi les a t h i m .

' H o w ' s H a m i s h ? ' h e asks.

' O h , he's f ine — I th ink , ' she says.

' Y o u t h i n k ? ' a s k s C h a r l e s , surpr i sed . ' W h a t d o y o u m e a n ? '

' H e w a s n ' t t h e r i g h t m a n f o r m e after all,' s h e says.

' Y o u ' v e left h i m ? '

' W e left e a c h o ther , ' s h e tells h i m . S h e l o o k s q u i t e

w e a k , a n d C h a r l e s leads h e r t o a q u i e t p l a c e a t t h e s i d

e o f t h e c h u r c h w h e r e t h e y c a n talk.

' W h e n d i d this h a p p e n ? ' h e a s k s h e r .

' O h , a f e w m o n t h s ago . M a r c h w a s he l l . B u t b y

A p r i l , w e ' d m a d e a l l t h e dec i s i on s a n d i t w a s O K . I

w o n ' t m a r r y s o m e o n e s o o l d aga in! ' S h e tr ies t o t u r n i t i

n t o a j o k e , b u t o b v i o u s l y s h e i s n o t v e r y happy .

' C h a r l i e ! ' calls M a t t h e w . ' T i m e t o g o ! '

' Yes , yes — I ' m c o m i n g , ' s a y s C h a r l e s , n o t real ly

l i s ten ing t o h i m . ' B u t w h y d idn ' t y o u r i n g m e u p ? '

' W e l l , I t h o u g h t a b o u t it,' C a r r i e r eplies-, ' a n d I w a n t e d

t o — b u t

60

th ings w e r e s o diff icult t hen . Y o u ' d be t te r g o n o w . I'll s e e y o u later.'

' I ' l l s h o w y o u t o y o u r seat,' C h a r l e s says. ' W e j u s t

d idn ' t g e t i t r ight , d i d w e ? I f o n l y w e ' d b e e n t o g e t h e r

a t t h e r i g h t t i m e . . . '

'Yes , w e g o t i t w r o n g , ' C a r r i e s a y s sadly.

' Ter r ib l e . A w f u l , ' says C h a r l e s , a n d h e m e a n s i t . ' B

u t it's s o l o v e l y t o s e e y o u ! '

' W e l l , g o o d luck , ' says C a r r i e finally. 'It's v e r y easy, y o u k n o w ,

g e t t i n g m a r r i e d . Y o u j u s t say, " I d o " w h e n e v e r a n y o n e

asks y o u a quest ion . '

' W e ' d be t t e r g o t o t h e front, ' M a t t h e w tells C h a r l e s .

' C a n y o u g i v e m e a m o m e n t , M a t t h e w ? ' C h a r l e s asks h i m .

' O f course , ' says M a t t h e w , w h o th inks that C h a r l e s

w a n t s t o g o t o t h e to i le t .

B u t C h a r l e s i s n o l o n g e r i n t h e r i g h t m o o d f o r h i s

w e d d i n g . H e g o e s i n t o a n e m p t y s ide r o o m a n d s ays,

' D e a r G o d , p lease f o r g i v e m e f o r w h a t I a m g o i n g t o s

a y i n y o u r c h u r c h - D a m n ! D a m n ! D a m n a n d he l l ! '

' C a n I h e l p y o u ? ' a s k s a s y m p a t h e t i c v o i c e . A pr ies t steps o u t

f r o m b e h i n d a cu r ta i n i n t h e s am e r o o m , w h e r e h e w a s

w a s h i n g h i s hands . I t s eem s t h a t t h e r o o m w a s n o t

empty .

' O h — n o , t hanks ! ' says C h a r l e s , e m b a r r a s s e d . ' I w a s

d o i n g s o m e exerc ises - y o u k n o w , f o r m y v o i c e . T h i s i s a

b i g c h u r c h ! '

' E x c e l l e n t , I o f t e n d o t h e s am e m y s e l f - I u s e ra ther

d i f ferent w o r d s , o f course . I'll l eave y o u a l o n e now. '

C h a r l e s still c a n n o t c o m e b a c k o u t i n t o t h e c h u r c h ,

a n d T o m a n d M a t t h e w a r e g e t t i n g w o r r i e d .

' T h e br ide ' s a r r i v i n g now, ' says M a t t h e w . A l a rge b l a c k

c a r h a s d r i v e n u p t o t h e c h u r c h a n d H e n r i e t t a gets o u

t w i t h h e r father . S h e i s dressed f ine ly f o r t h e

w e d d i n g , i n w h i t e , w i t h f l owers i n h e r hair.

' W e l l , that's great, ' s a y s T o m . ' B e c a u s e w e ' v e l o s t t h e g r o o m . '

61

' T r y t o k e e p h e r o u t s i d e f o r a bit , ' s a y s M a t t h e w .

' I ' l l go a n d l o o k f o r Char l e s . '

' M a t t h e w ! ' s a y s C h a r l e s b r i g h t l y w h e n h e s e e s h i s

bes t m a n . H e i s v e r y u n h a p p y . ' G o o d t o s e e y o u ! T e l l

m e — w h a t d o y o u t h i n k a b o u t m a r r i a g e ? '

'We l l — ' says M a t t h e w , u n c e r t a i n h o w t o a n s w e r this. ' I

t h ink that it's real ly g o o d , i f y o u l o v e t h e o t h e r p e r s o n w i

t h a l l y o u r heart. '

'Exact ly , ' s a y s C h a r l e s . ' B u t I ' v e b e e n t o s o m a n y

w e d d i n g s , a n d n o w it's m y o w n w e d d i n g d a y — a n d I '

m s t i l l t h i n k i n g . '

' W h a t a r e y o u t h i n k i n g a b o u t ? C a n I ask? '

' N o , n o - b e t t e r not , ' s a y s C h a r l e s .

T o m i s n o w s t a n d i n g a t t h e c h u r c h d o o r , t a l k in g t o

H e n r i e t t a a n d h e r father . ' I ' m t e r r i b l y sorry, ' h e says.

' T h e s e rv i c e w i l l b e a

f e w m i n u t e s late . T h e r e ' s a p r o b l e m w i t h t h e f l owers . '

' W i t h t h e f l owers? ' a s k s H e n r i e t t a . ' W h a t p r o b l e m ? '

S h e c lear ly doesn ' t w a n t a n y p r o b l e m s o n h e r w e l l -

p l a n n e d w e d d i n g d a y . H e n r i e t t a ge ts a n n o y e d v e r y

easily.

'We l l , ' s a y s T o m , t h i n k i n g hard , ' t h e y a r e m a k i n g

s o m e p e o p l e il l , s o w e h av e t o m o v e t h e m . '

H e n r i e t t a a n d h e r f a ther l o o k angry , b u t t h e y w a i t a t

t h e d o o r . P e o p l e i n t h e c h u r c h a r e g e t t i n g restless

n o w t o o . T h e y ' r e w o n d e r i n g w h a t ' s h a p p e n i n g . T h e

b r i d e m u s t h a v e a r r i v e d b y n o w . W h e r e i s t h e

g r o o m ?

' I t h i n k t h e y b e l i e v e d m e ! ' T o m tells Scar le t t . H e i

s p leased w i t h h imse l f . ' P e o p l e t h i n k I ' m s tup id , y o u s

e e . S o t h e y d o n ' t rea l ize that I c a n t e l l a c l e v e r l ie ! '

D a v i d h a s n o w j o i n e d M a t t h e w a n d C h a r l e s i n t h e

s ide r o o m . C h a r l e s still w o n ' t g o b a c k i n t o t h e c h u r c h .

H e i s t o o u n h a p p y a n d c o n f u s e d . D a v i d hits t h e

table t o m a k e a no i se , so t h a t C h a r l e s w i l l n o t i c e

h i m .

' W h a t ' s h a p p e n i n g ? Te l l m e ! ' h e s igns.

' O h , G o d , ' C h a r l e s signs b a c k . ' I j u s t s a w C a r r i e .S h e a n d

H a m i s h h av e separated. '

62

' C h a r l e s , it's y o u r w e d d i n g day,' D a v i d tells h i m .

' W h a t ' s y o u r a d v i c e ? ' C h a r l e s asks.

' W e l l , y o u c a n d o o n e o f three th ings . N u m b e r

o n e : j u s t g e t m a r r i e d , a s y o u ' v e p l anned . '

C h a r l e s n o d s .

' N u m b e r t w o : y o u c a n g o b a c k a n d say, " S o r r y — n

o w e d d i n g t o d a y ! ' " D a v i d c o n t i n u e s .

' I d o n ' t l ike that idea, ' says C h a r l e s . ' W h a t ' s n u m b e r th ree? '

' N u m b e r three - ' s igns D a v i d . ' W e l l , I can ' t t h i n k w h a t that i s . '

'He l l , ' says C h a r l e s .

T h e r e i s a k n o c k o n t h e d o o r , a n d t h e p r ies t c o m e s i n .

'He l l o , ' h e says, sm i l i ng . ' A r e y o u r ead y t o m e e t t h e e n e m y ? '

' A r e w e ? ' asks M a t t h e w . It's n o t real ly a j o k e a t a l l .

E v e r y o n e l o o k s a t C h a r l e s .

'Yes, ' says C h a r l e s . ' Exce l l en t . '

H e tr ies n o t t o l o o k a t C a r r i e a s h e w a l k s t o t h e

f ront o f t h e c h u r c h a n d sits d o w n . T h e w e d d i n g m u s i c s

tarts, a n d C h a r l e s a n d M a t t h e w s tand u p t oge ther . T h e

d o o r s a t t h e b a c k o p e n , a n d H e n r i e t t a , p r o u d a n d

beaut i fu l , w a l k s d o w n t h e aisle w i t h h e r

father.

S h e pul ls a t h e r father's a r m . S h e i s a n n o y e d w i t h

h i m . ' D o n ' t h o l d m e s o t ightly , D a d , ' s h e w h i s p e r s

angr i ly .

T h e pr ies t b e g i n s t o read a l o u d t h e w o r d s o f t h e

w e d d i n g serv ice . A s C h a r l e s l istens t o t h e priest 's

w o r d s h e l o o k s c o n f u s e d a n d w o r r i e d . T h e pr ies t asks

w h e t h e r a n y o n e t h i n k s that C h a r l e s a n d H e n r i e t t a

s h o u l d n o t g e t m a r r i e d . T h e q u e s t i o n i s i n t h e

w e d d i n g s e rv i c e b e c a u s e t h a t i s t h e l a w . I f e i t he r t h e

b r i d e o r t h e g r o o m i s a lready m a r r i e d , f o r e x a m p l e ,

t h e n s o m e o n e m a y s a y

that t h e y a r e b r e a k i n g t h e l a w . Usua l l y , o f c o u r s e , n o o

n e answer s t h e q u e s t i o n . B u t this t i m e t here i s a

l o u d no i se . D a v i d i s k n o c k i n g o n h i s w o o d e n c h u r c h

seat.

63

' I ' m s o r r y — d o e s s o m e o n e w a n t t o speak? ' the pr ies t

asks, v e r y surpr i sed .

D a v i d pu t s u p h i s h a n d .

' Ye s — w h a t i s i t? '

D a v i d , o f c o u r s e , can ' t s peak a l o u d , s o h e b e g i n s t o s i g n t o

C h a r l es .

' O n e s e c o n d , ' s a y s C h a r l e s , a s h e s igns b a c k . ' W h a t ' s g o i n g o n ? '

' I t h o u g h t o f i d e a n u m b e r three, ' D a v i d tells h i m .

' W h a t ? '

' W i l l y o u t ranslate? '

'Trans la te w h a t ? '

' W h a t ' s h a p p e n i n g , C h a r l e s ? ' asks t h e pr iest .

' C h a r l e s — what?' a s k s h i s b r i d e .

' H e w a n t s m e t o translate w h a t h e ' s saying, ' s a y s C h a r l e s .

' A n d w h a t i s he say ing? ' asks t h e pr iest .

' H e says: " I suspec t that t h e g r o o m i s h a v i n g d o u b t s .

I suspec t that h e w o u l d l ike t o de lay t h e w e d d i n g .

I suspec t t h a t t h e g r o o m . . . '

' R e a l l y l oves a n o t h e r w o m a n , ' s igns D a v i d . C h a r l e s

d o e s n o t translate this . 'It's t rue , isn't it , C h a r l e s ? T h i n k

a b o u t i t , b e c a u s e i t ' s

f o r t h e rest o f y o u r l i fe , C h a r l e s . I t ' s f inal . S o y o u m u s t

o n l y m a r r y t h e p e r s o n w h o y o u l o v e w i t h a l l y o u r

hear t . A n d - y o u r t rousers a r e u n d o n e ! '

I t i s a k i n d o f j o k e , b u t C h a r l e s l o o k s d o w n a t t h e

z i p o n h i s t rousers . H e i s to ta l l y c o n f u s e d .

' W h a t ' s h e say ing? ' asks t h e pr ies t .

' H e suspects that t h e g r o o m l oves a n o t h e r w o m a n , ' answers

C h a r l es .

' A n d d o y o u ? D o y o u , C h a r l e s ? '

C h a r l e s i s s i lent f o r a m o m e n t . E v e r y b o d y i n t h e

c h u r c h l o o k s s h o c k e d . T h e y a r e a l l s t a r ing a t C h a r l e s .

H e n r i e t t a i s s tar ing a t C h a r l e s t o o . S h e can ' t b e l i e v e t h

i s i s h a p p e n i n g .

' I do , ' h e repl ies , i n t h e w o r d s o f t h e w e d d i n g se rv i ce .

6 4

Sudden l y , H e n r i e t t a screams . S h e t h r o w s d o w n h e r

f l owers a n d hits C h a r l e s hard in t h e eye . He falls over , a

n d s h e h i t s a n d k i c k s h i m aga in . S h e h a s real ly l o s t

h e r t e m p e r this t i m e ! S h e i s very , v e r y angry , a n d

m a y b e a l itt le c r a z y t o o . S o m e p e o p l e r u s h t o t h e

front o f t h e c h u r c h t o h e l p C h a r l e s . O t h e r p e o p l e t

r y t o s t o p H e n r i e t t a a t t a c k i n g h i m . T h e s i tuat ion gets

v e r y c o n f u s e d . T h e w e d d i n g i s ce r ta in l y n o t g o i n g t o

h a p p e n t oday !

B a c k i n Char les ' s k i t c h e n la ter that a f t e r n o o n ,

e v e r y o n e i s still s h o c k e d . O u t s i d e i t i s p o u r i n g w i t h rain

a n d t h e t h u n d e r crashes i n t h e sky.

' M y G o d ! ' says Scar le t t . F o r o n c e , s h e doesn ' t

real ly k n o w w h a t t o say.

'Wel l , ' says T o m , t r y i n g t o b e he lp fu l . ' A t least w e

w o n ' t f o rge t this w e d d i n g ! I m e a n , a l o t o f w e d d i n g s a r e

t h e same , aren' t t hey ? A f t e r w a r d s , y o u can ' t r e m e m b e r t

h e m a t a l l . B u t this o n e w a s real ly d i f ferent! '

'Yes - i t d idn ' t hav e a w e d d i n g serv ice , ' s a y s M a t t h e w ,

i n a d r y v o i c e .

C h a r l e s doesn ' t s a y a n y t h i n g . H e h a s a b l a c k eye .

' P o o r girl , ' says F i ona . ' N o , I real ly m e a n i t — p o o r

g ir l ! O K , she's n o t m y f avour i t e p e r s o n i n t h e w o r l d .

B u t y o u ' v e d o n e a t e r r ib l e t h i n g , C h a r l e s — I t h i n k it's

q u i t e un fo rg i vab le . '

C h a r l e s i s s h o c k e d t o o . H e can ' t q u i t e b e l i e v e that h e d i d this .

' P o o r H e n , ' h e s ays, ' I d o n ' t e v e n w a n t t o t h i n k a b o u t

i t , it's s o awful . '

' B u t i f y o u w e r e n ' t s u r e t h a t y o u w a n t e d t o m a r r y h

e r o n y o u r w e d d i n g day, t h e n i t w a s p r o b a b l y t h e r i g h t

d e c i s i o n , wasn ' t i t? ' T o m asks.

Usua l l y , F i o n a i s r u d e a b o u t e v e r y t h i n g that T o m

says. B u t n o w s h e s i m p l y says, ' Y o u ' r e r i g h t , T o m , ' a n d

t o u c h e s h i s c h e e k l ov ing ly .

6 5

'It's a l o v e l y dress, ' s a y s Scar le t t . ' I ' m sure it ' l l b e

usefu l for par t ies ! '

' I b l a m e m y s e l f s igns D a v i d .

' W h a t d i d h e say? ' asks M a t t h e w .

' H e s a y s that h e b l a m e s h imsel f , ' C h a r l e s translates.

' N o ! ' shou t s e v e r y o n e t o g e t h e r . ' N o , y o u mus tn ' t

d o that , D a v i d ! '

' Yes , t h e y b l a m e y o u t o o ! ' C h a r l e s u n k i n d l y tells h i s

b ro ther . T h e d o o r b e l l r i ngs , and e v e r y o n e gets u p .

' N o , ' s a y s C h a r l e s . ' I ' l l a n s w e r i t . I f there 's a

p r o b l e m , it's m y p r o b l e m . '

B u t it's C a r r i e a t t h e d o o r . It's p o u r i n g w i t h ra in ,

a n d she's v e r y w e t .

' H e l l o , ' s h e says.

' H i ! G o d , y o u ' r e w e t ! ' s a y s C h a r l e s . ' C o m e i n ! '

' N o , n o , I ' m f i ne , ' s h e repl ies . ' I ' m s o w e t t h a t I

can ' t g e t a n y w e t t e r . D o y o u k n o w w h a t I m e a n ? ' S h e

smi les a t h i m , b u t she's also v e r y s e r i o u s .

' O K — t h e n I'll c o m e out , ' C h a r l e s says.

' N o , p lease d o n ' t ! ' s a y s C a r r i e . ' I j u s t w a n t e d t o s e e i f y o u w e r e

a l l r i g h t . I w a n t e d t o m a k e s u r e that y o u w e r e n ' t

k i l l i n g y o u r s e l f o r an y t h i n g . '

B u t C h a r l e s steps o u t a n d j o i n s h e r i n t h e ra in . T

h e y stand t o g e t h e r o n t h e p a v e m e n t , a n d after a

f e w s e c o n d s , h e i s c o m p l e t e l y w e t t o o .

' I t w a s w r o n g o f m e t o c o m e t o t h e c h u r c h this

m o r n i n g — I ' m sorry . I c a n see that y o u ' r e O K , s o I ' d

be t t e r g o n o w '

' N o — wa i t - I ' m t o b l ame , n o t you , ' says Char les . ' I

b e h a v e d really bad ly today. B u t I ' m sure a b o u t o n e th ing

n o w — marr i ag e i s no t r ight f o r m e a t a l l . A n d I learnt

ano the r th ing . W h e n I w a s standing there i n t h e c h u r c h ,

I real ized for t h e f irst t i m e that I totally, c o m p l e t e l y

love o n e person , w i t h a l l m y heart . A n d t h a t person

wasn ' t m y br ide . It's t h e p e r so n w h o ' s here w i t h me now,

i n t h e rain.'

6 6

' I s i t still r a in ing? ' asks C a r r i e . ' I d idn ' t no t i ce . '

' I n fact , I 've l o v e d y o u s ince the first m i n u t e I s a w

y o u . Y o u ' r e n o t s u d d e n l y g o i n g a w a y aga in , a r e y o u ? ' h e

a s k s i n a la rm.

' N o , I m i g h t b e w a s h e d a w a y b y t h e ra in , b u t I ' m

n o t g o i n g a w a y again. '

' O K , O K , w e ' l l g o b a c k i n , ' s a y s C h a r l e s . ' B u t

first, c a n I a s k y o u o n e t h ing ? D o y o u t h i n k — d o

y o u t h i n k t h a t y o u c o u l d agre e not t o m a r r y m e ?

A f t e r w e ' v e g o t d r y aga in , o f course . A n d after w e ' v e

spent lots o f t i m e t o g e t h e r . D o y o u t h i n k that y o u

c o u l d a g r e e not t o b e m a r r i e d t o m e , f o r t h e rest o f y

o u r l i fe? '

C a r r i e l o o k s a t h i m , h e r e y e s v e r y se r i ous n o w .

' D o y o u ? ' h e a s k s her .

' I do, ' s h e answers , i n t h e w o r d s o f t h e w e d d i n g serv ice .

T h e y kiss — a n d a b o v e , i n t h e s t o r m y skies o f

L o n d o n , there i s t h u n d e r a n d l i g h t n i n g f o r C h a r l e s t o o .

67

A n d h o w d o e s t h e fu ture g o ? W e l l , i f w e m o v e

f o rward s i n t i m e a n d take s o m e m o r e p h o t o s , w e s e e

s o m e t h i n g l i k e this:

A p i c t u r e o f H e n r i e t t a a t her w e d d i n g . She's f o r g o t t e n

a l l a b o u t C h a r l e s n o w ; she's m a r r y i n g a h a n d s o m e

soldier . He ' s w e a r i n g a u n i f o r m w i t h a r e d j a c k e t , a n d

she's l a u g h i n g a s t h e y leave t h e c h u r c h .

A n d here's a p i c t u r e o f Char les ' sb r o t h e r D a v i d ,m a r r y i n g

S e r e n a . T h e y b o t h l o o k v e r y s w e e t — a g o o d c o u p l e !

W h a t a b o u t Scar let t? Y e s , here 's a p i c tu r e o f h e r —

she's g e t t i n g m a r r i e d t o C h e s t e r , h e r b i g A m e r i c a n .

She's w e a r i n g s o m e t h i n g d i f ferent , a s usua l — a w h i t e

c o w - g i r l h a t .

T h e r e ' s a p i c t u r e o f T o m a n d D e i r d r e t o o , t ake n

a t the i r w e d d i n g r e c e p t i o n . T h e y ' r e o u t s i d e T o m ' s

e n o r m o u s h o u s e . T o m ' s b l a c k d o g i s i n t h e p h o t o t o o , a n

d D e i r d r e i s w e a r i n g t h e ' c o u n t r y g i r l ' w e d d i n g dress t h a

t C a r r i e re fused t o buy .

H e r e ' s o n e o f M a t t h e w , l o o k i n g h a p p y aga in . He ' s

f o u n d a n e w b o y f r i e n d . H e ' s y o u n g e r t ha n G a r e t h —

a b o u t t h e s am e a g e a s M a t t h e w . T h e y ' r e a t a pa r t y

t oge ther . It's g o o d t h a t M a t t h e w c a n l eave a l l h i s o l d

s a d n e s s b e h i n d .

A n d F i o n a ? W h o ' s s h e w i t h ? W e l l , i t s e e m s t o b e P r i n c e

C h a r l e s ! T h e y ' r e n o t e x a c t l y m a r r i e d ye t , b u t she's o u t

w i t h h i m i n pub l i c . H e l o o k s s e r i ous , a s usual , b u t

she's w e a r i n g a n e n o r m o u s p i n k h a t a n d h a s g o t a b i

g smi le o n h e r face .

C h a r l e s a n d C a r r i e a r e s till n o t m a r r i e d . A t least,

there a r e n o w e d d i n g p h o t o s , s o t h e y can ' t h a v e g o t

m a r r i e d . T h e y m u s t h a v e k e p t the i r p r o m i s e . B u t t h e y d

o hav e a b a b y — a l o v e l y l itt le b o y . I n o u r p h o t o ,

C h a r l e s i s p o i n t i n g a t t h e c a m e r a a n d C a r r i e i s

sm i l i ng . W e c a n s e e t h a t they ' re v e r y h a p p y

t o g e t h e r , a n d t h a t they ' re g e t t i n g o n f i n e w i t h o u t t h e

s o u n d o f w e d d i n g bel ls !