forming a healthy intimacy with god

Ryan Buchmann MA, MFTPastoral CounselorMarriage & Family Therapy Intern

Intimacy Workshop Series: Part 3


“Intimacy is The recursive experience… …of open self-confrontation

(vulnerability)… …of core aspects of the self… …in the presence of a partner.”

--David SchnarchAuthor of Passionate Marriage


• Each person does everything within their power to become their most authentic self.

• The authentic self is the very person that God created us to be.

• The authentic self is directly connected to our essential purpose in life. What we do should radiate our authenticity.


[Jesus] called a child over, placed it in their midst, and said, “Amen, I say to you, unless you turn and become like children, you will not enter the kingdom of heaven.Whoever humbles himself like this child is the greatest in the kingdom of heaven.”

Mt 18:1-3


• You must be able to be vulnerable with God before you can be vulnerable with somebody else. Otherwise, there is no authenticity.


• If you cannot be vulnerable before God who loves you perfectly and unconditionally…


• …what makes you think you can be vulnerable with a partner, who will love you conditionally and imperfectly?


Relevant Point:

Intimacy starts from

within.


• Vulnerability is the key ingredient for intimacy.

• Vulnerability is best defined as “the state of being exposed.”

• With communication and companionship, vulnerability enables a relationship to exist.


Companionship

Communication Vulnerability


“Enchanted”


Small Group Discussion


Oh God!


• God visits Jerry and Tracy in the form of an old man (George Burns). In what form would God likely appear to you?


Forming a closer relationship with God

according to a total non-saint (me)


• “When you pray, go into your room and shut the door and pray to your Father who is in secret; and your Father who sees in secret will reward you.” Mt 6:6


• “When you fast, anoint your head and wash your face, that your fasting may not be seen by others but by your Father who is in secret; and your Father who sees in secret will reward you.”

Mt 6:17-18


• “When you give alms, do not let your left hand know what your right hand is doing, so that your alms may be in secret; and your Father who sees in secret will reward you.”

Mt 6:3-4


Prayer Fasting Alms-Giving


• Prayer is the conscious effort to connect our soul with God through the Spirit.


• “By words, mental or vocal, our prayer takes flesh. Yet it is most important that the heart should be present to Him to whom we are speaking in prayer: ‘Whether or not our prayer is heard depends not on the number of words, but on the fervor of our souls.’”

CCC 2700


• “What is contemplative prayer? St. Teresa [of Avila] answers: ‘Contemplative prayer in my opinion is nothing else than a close sharing between friends; it means taking time frequently to be alone with Him who we know loves us.’”

CCC 2709


• Primary Relationships Significant Other Close family members (e.g. children) “Closest and Best” Friends God

• Secondary Relationships Everyone else

Other friends, boss, extended family, family friends, friends of significant other, the person you met at the bus stop, etc.


• It has a high priority in your life. The relationship is “primary” for both of

you. Unconditional acceptance. Concerted effort to spend time

together. No fear of judgment. The relationship is an end, not a means


• Note that Jesus calls us to do our prayer in secret. It’s a private, intimate relationship with God.


• Fasting is the sacrifice of personal comforts.

• By foregoing our comforts, we endure a humble and vulnerable existence without what we think we need.


• It helps us acquire mastery over our instincts and freedom of heart.

• The conscious sacrifice of the needs of the self makes one vulnerable before God.


• The practice of penance, mortification, and self-denial to promote greater self-mastery and to foster the way of perfection by embracing the way of the cross.


• “Jesus' call to conversion and penance, like that of the prophets before him, does not aim first at outward works, but at the conversion of the heart, interior conversion.”

CCC 1430


• “Without this, such penances as fasting and mortification remain sterile and false; however, interior conversion urges expression in visible signs, gestures and works of penance.”

CCC 1430


“History Channel: Opus Dei Unveiled”


• Does “mortification of the flesh” have to include flogging the body, wearing uncomfortable clothing, or eating/drinking bad tasting food?


• Money or goods given to the poor as an act of penance or fraternal charity.

• Almsgiving is giving up our comforts so that others may be more comfortable, sometimes to our own discomfort.


Application to Your Relationship with God


• What do you talk about with God? “Thank God!” or “God help me!”

• God knows all the facts about you. What facts do you know about God?

• What do you really know about YOU?


• Advantages Initiates a forward step toward

authenticity (self-expression). Opens an opportunity for genuine

agreement, not just conformity. Enables the possibility for acceptance

even if the other is not entirely right.


• Unconditional acceptance Believing that we are accepted/acceptable

• After the Fall of Man, the effects of Original Sin cause a resistance to be vulnerable before God.


• My plan vs. God’s plan God knows what you need and provides

your needs on the basis of His plan. God gives you gifts and talents that

enable you to fulfill God’s plan. Your authentic self is the person that is

able to find happiness making full and complete use of God’s gifts.


• My plan vs. God’s plan Are my hopes and dreams in line with

God’s plan? How can I tell when I am in line with

God’s plan for me?


• Emotional reactions to the world around us.

• The big question:


• What do you talk about with God? If you can’t talk about your feelings with

God, with whom can you talk about them?

• It’s okay to be angry and frustrated with God.

• Grieve your losses, celebrate your joys!

• What about the emotions of fear and shame?


• This level is about accepting our selves in God’s presence.

• What is confession really about for you?

• Can you own with God your authentic human weakness?


• Two extremes

“I suck, and I need to beat myself into submission before God to be accepted.”

“I thank God I have it all under control.”


“We are not worthy of God’s love, but God loves us anyway.”We are always worthy of

God’s love. In spite of our human weaknesses, God

loves us anyway.


• What are your needs from God?

• What are God’s needs from you (essential purpose)?

• God wants you to love Him.

• At this level, we work with God to be our authentic selves.


• Ask yourself: Is this a need or is this a want? How does this need enable me to be my authentic self?

• “Go and get what you want out of life!”

• Relationships are not about getting what you want. Relationships are about helping each other become your authentic self.


• How do my needs fit into God’s plan?

• How do the things I want fit into God’s plan?


Thank you for coming! God bless you all!

forming a healthy intimacy with god

Spiritual

image of god

contemplative prayer

family friends

secure relationship

intimate relationship

closer relationship

friends of significant

vulnerable existence