FOCUS

WHAT DO YOU THINK THIS PARAGRAPH IS GOING TO BE ABOUT? WHY? My room is the most comfortable room in the house.

STILL FOCUSED?

My room is the most comfortable room in my house. I really enjoy having my TV, DVD, Computer, VCR, Game Boy, and CD player all in one place that I can truly call my very own.

Yes! It’s comfortable because everything is together and easily accessible.

HOW ABOUT NOW? WHY/WHY NOT? My room is the most comfortable room in my house. I really enjoy having my TV, DVD, Computer, VCR, Game Boy, and CD player all in one place that I can truly call my very own. The bed is comfortable, when I can find it.

Yep! Our author is discussing his bed and why it is comfortable, which connects to the main idea of his room being the most comfortable in his house – good so far.

STILL FOCUSED? WHY/WHY NOT? My room is the most comfortable room in my house. I really enjoy having my TV, DVD, Computer, VCR, Game Boy, and CD player all in one place that I can truly call my very own. The bed is comfortable, when I can find it. Often it’s covered with clothes, school books, papers, CD’s and junk.

The author is starting to lose focus a little bit here - if that last sentence was the topic sentence, what do you think this paragraph would be about?

FOCUSED? WHY/WHY NOT?

My room is the most comfortable room in my house. I really enjoy having my TV, DVD, Computer, VCR, Game Boy, and CD player all in one place that I can truly call my very own. The bed is comfortable, when I can find it. Often it’s covered with clothes, school books, papers, CD’s and junk. I like to hang out with my friends in my room and turn the music up loud.

Nope! Now, he’s talking about what he likes to do in his room instead of why it is comfortable.

FOCUSED?

My room is the most comfortable room in my house. I really enjoy having my TV, DVD, Computer, VCR, Game Boy, and CD player all in one place that I can truly call my very own. The bed is comfortable, when I can find it. Often it’s covered with clothes, school books, papers, CD’s and junk. I like to hang out with my friends in my room and turn the music up loud. That’s fun.

Ok, glad he has such a great time in his room.

NOW WHAT IS HE TALKING ABOUT?! My room is the most comfortable room in my house. I really enjoy having my TV, DVD, Computer, VCR, Game Boy, and CD player all in one place that I can truly call my very own. The bed is comfortable, when I can find it. Often it’s covered with clothes, school books, papers, CD’s and junk. I like to hang out with my friends in my room and turn the music up loud. That’s fun. Most of my friends like the same music I do, like Def Leppard and Iron Maiden.

Alright – here is where I start to think, “whaa--?” when I’m reading your papers. He started talking about his comfy room, and just a few sentences later he is talking about what kind of music he and his friends enjoy. I’m lost.

THE TRAP!

My room is the most comfortable room in my house. I really enjoy having my TV, DVD, Computer, VCR, Game Boy, and CD player all in one place that I can truly call my very own. The bed is comfortable, when I can find it. Often it’s covered with clothes, school books, papers, CD’s and junk. I like to hang out with my friends in my room and turn the music up loud. That’s fun. Most of my friends like the same music I do, like Def Leppard and Iron Maiden. Other friends like more classic rock, like Bruce Springsteen.

Ok, still talking about his friends and what kind of music they like. This has been going on for a few sentences now, which is the trap students fall into – they go off on tangents that SEEM like they are focused/talking about one thing, but they aren’t when compared with the topic sentence.

AH, FRIENDSHIP.

My room is the most comfortable room in my house. I really enjoy having my TV, DVD, Computer, VCR, Game Boy, and CD player all in one place that I can truly call my very own. The bed is comfortable, when I can find it. Often it’s covered with clothes, school books, papers, CD’s and junk. I like to hang out with my friends in my room and turn the music up loud. That’s fun. Most of my friends like the same music I do, like Def Leppard and Iron Maiden. Other friends like more classic rock, like Bruce Springsteen. We get along okay though.

That’s great! What does your ability to make friends with diverse interests have to do with your comfortable room? Oh, nothing? I thought so.

FOCUS, SHMOCUS.

My room is the most comfortable room in my house. I really enjoy having my TV, DVD, Computer, VCR, Game Boy, and CD player all in one place that I can truly call my very own. The bed is comfortable, when I can find it. Often it’s covered with clothes, school books, papers, CD’s and junk. I like to hang out with my friends in my room and turn the music up loud. That’s fun. Most of my friends like the same music I do, like Def Leppard and Iron Maiden. Other friends like more classic rock, like Bruce Springsteen. We get along okay though. Sometimes I just lay there and think about my day.

Scratches head.

AND FINALLY…

My room is the most comfortable room in my house. I really enjoy having my TV, DVD, Computer, VCR, Game Boy, and CD player all in one place that I can truly call my very own. The bed is comfortable, when I can find it. Often it’s covered with clothes, school books, papers, CD’s and junk. I like to hang out with my friends in my room and turn the music up loud. That’s fun. Most of my friends like the same music I do, like Def Leppard and Iron Maiden. Other friends like more classic rock, like Bruce Springsteen. We get along okay though. Sometimes I just lay there and think about my day. I enjoy thinking, because it helps me concentrate.

You obviously didn’t think about how this concluding sentence has NOTHING TO DO WITH YOUR MAIN IDEA.

SO, WE’VE TALKED ABOUT HOW MANY THINGS IN THIS PARAGRAPH??A comfortable bedroomWhat types of music the author likesWhat types of music the author’s friends likeThat our author likes thinking

OK – HOW/WHY DID HE LOSE FOCUS? My room is the most comfortable room in my house. I really enjoy having my TV, DVD, Computer, VCR, Game Boy, and CD player all in one place that I can truly call my very own. The bed is comfortable, when I can find it. Often it’s covered with clothes, school books, papers, CD’s and junk. I like to hang out with my friends in my room and turn the music up loud. That’s fun. Most of my friends like the same music I do, like Def Leppard and Iron Maiden. Other friends like more classic rock, like Bruce Springsteen. We get along okay though. Sometimes I just lay there and think about my day. I enjoy thinking, because it helps me concentrate.

HOW TO MAINTAIN FOCUS

Check to make sure EACH sentence supports, or relates to, your main idea/topic sentence.

Connect each detail explicitly to your main idea. I can’t read your minds!