final portfolio - government and politics
TRANSCRIPT
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Varun Desai
WRIT076-307- Socratic Method and Democracy
Professor Christopher PhillipsFinal Portfolio
Letter of Reflection
December 7, 2012
Dear Reader,
Please take the time to consider my writing portfolio that I have compiled over the past
four months. This selection contains two drafts of my final explanatory position paper, my own
and a peers abbreviated outline of my paper, along with various exercises conducted throughout
the course. I have also included a peers review of my Keyword Synthesis, along with general
comments on specific assignments on Blackboard by my professor. Through these exercises, I
have improved upon various elements of my writing. From writing clearer and crisper sentences
to developing strong reasoning and propositions, this seminar has allowed me to become a
coherent writer. However, this writing seminar has also taught me a greater understanding of the
audience for which Im writing. Editing processes such as the Peer Review of my Keyword
Synthesis Essay, the Abbreviated Outline of my final papers drafts, and my professors
feedback, have helped me develop stronger arguments and clearer reasoning. The assignments
have helped me how to better write for a specific audience.
These assignments have helped me develop my writing style. This in turn would keep my
audience engaged by making my paper more effective and easier to read. Assignments such as
the Keyword Synthesis Peer Review have added more variety in my sentence structure. In the
Peer Review, my peer pointed out that my final sentences of my body paragraphs often ended in
the same way (Thus, one sees that). Instead, I needed to add variation into my writing style
to keep the audience engaged throughout my paper. Noting this, I ended each body paragraph
differently, thereby adding variety to my writing style. Similarly, my own Abbreviated Outline
and my professors comments helped me become a more concise writer. At the beginning of the
semester, I found my writing to be quite garrulous. I noticed that as I wrote my drafts for my
final paper that wordiness was becoming an issue again. Using my Abbreviated Outline, I
flagged many repetitive sentences and omitted them from my draft. Similarly, I was able to find
out more weaknesses in my writing style from my professor during meetings. He told me that a
lot of my ideas were there but werent fully expressed as a result of my wordy writing. Taking
the feedback, along with my Abbreviated Outlines, into consideration, I realized that in order tobecome a more effective writer, I needed to write clearly, which could only be done through
concise and to-the-point sentences. I became more cognizant of my audiences needs through
these critical tools, utilizing them to develop a cleaner writing style.
The critical writing tools have also helped me choose better links between my reasoning
and proposition. In the Peer Review of my Keyword Synthesis, one of the comments was that I
needed to make stronger links between my reasons and proposition. Similarly, my professorsuggested that I needed to either tweak my reasoning or proposition to make my essay less self-
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evident. Considering their comments, I realized that my audience probably wanted a clearer and
more novel proposition than All authors believe hip-hop is a springboard for democracy. I
continued tweaking my proposition until I came up with, All authors share the premise that theSocratic messages in hip-hop stem from the various sociopolitical environments in which young
artists are raised, a proposition that is to the point yet unique for my audience. With my
Abbreviated Outlines, I learned how to choose better evidence for my final paper. For the firstdraft of my paper, I had Randolph Bournes Youth and Democracy as a source. However, I
realized that the evidence inside the essay was based on qualitative and abstract premises rather
than concrete evidence. I used my outline to detect this, realizing that my reasoning did notanswer one of the goals that I had set out for my essay (an audience that relies on concrete facts
and premises rather than abstract ideas). Therefore, I removed Bourne as one of my author
sources and decided to incorporate Imani Perry, whose ideas were a lot more concrete, as
evidence to better appeal to my audience and support my proposition.
This writing seminar has taught me that an essay is primarily about engaging your
audience. It has also taught me how to better manage and incorporate constructive criticism in
my work. Often, these critical tools pointed out a lot of flaws in my work, and in the beginning, Ifound it hard to handle these criticisms. However, I eventually learned how to embrace criticism,
take it in good stride, and use it to become a better and more mature writer.Thank you,
Varun Desai
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Varun Desai
WRIT076-307- Socratic Method and Democracy
Professor Christopher PhillipsDraft 4 of 4 (final)
Hip-Hop Matters: Socratic Messages in Hip-Hop
Todays youth often critique the society around them. They question their own identity
and the cultural values with which they have grown up in a process called Socratic self-
examination. Hip-hop music, perceived by many adults to be a promotion of sex, alcohol, and
hooliganism, was originally created as a medium to channel these Socratic criticisms and
communicate youths fresh perspectives, great energy, and eagerness to contribute to a better
society. Authors such as Murray Forman, Cornel West, Imani Perry, Sunaina Maira, Alex
Perullo, and Adam Haupt believe that many young people effectively use hip-hop as a tool for
Socratic self-examination. From America to Africa to the Middle East, youth have spread
Socratic messages through hip-hop to counter various forms of injustices. These messages are
linked with what youth see in their community and the experiences that they accumulate
throughout their childhood and adolescence. All of the authors share the premise that the
Socratic messages in hip-hop vary stem from various sociopolitical environments in which
young artists are raised.
Cornel West and Murray Forman see a youths environment as critical to shaping
American hip-hop. InDemocracy Matters, West discusses two types of hip-hop: Constantinian
and prophetic. Constantinian hip-hop promotes the undesirable notions of binge drinking and
promiscuity with which most adults associate the broader musical genre. However, prophetic
hip-hop, the original incarnation was created in response to the sociopolitical issues of income
inequality and the unjust treatment of blacks in America. The first artists of hip-hop were
prophetic and African-American, like KRS-ONE, Kool Herc, Rakim, and Public Enemy. This
group of artists was instrumental in advocating for a better society through Socratic messages in
their songs, which discusses the suffering that they experienced being marginalized in their
environment as youth.
West states:
That such powerful poetry and insightful social critiques could be created by
youths who have been flagrantly disregarded targeted as cannon fodder by a
racist criminal justice systemin disgraceful schools and shattered families
(including too many irresponsible, unemployed fathers) and violent environments
is a remarkable testament to the vital perspective and energy that can be injected
into our democracy by the young...
(West, 182-183).
West empathizes with the difficulties of racism, neglect, and violence that youth face growing
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up. However, he implies that these environmental factors have sparked Socratic energies among
youth, which they express through the medium of hip-hop. Similarly, in his book, The Hood
Comes First, Forman sees spatial confrontations as a fundamental factor in the Socratic messages
of American hip-hop. According to Forman, hip-hop (and more generally, the black urban beat)
is the result of urban spatial conflicts such as racial segregation, localized politics of urban
development, fights between street gangs, and conflicts between minorities (primarily the
African-American community) and the local police. All these spatial confrontations, coupled
with widespread poverty and income inequality, elicit a spark in youth to unleash their
frustrations through the medium of rap and hip-hop (Forman, 33). Hence, Socratic messages in
hip-hop are largely the result of these spatial and environmental conflicts.
Sunaina Mairas article We Aint Hood discusses the importance of Palestinian-
American hip-hop in the Israel-Palestine conflict. According to Maira, an emerging generation of
Arab youth, many of whom have migrated to America after growing up in the Middle East, is
using popular culture to raise awareness about the bitter conflict in the Holy Land, quite different
from the issues of income inequality and racial conflict present in American hip-hop (Maira, 3).
Artists and groups such as DAM (Da Arabian MCs) and the Iron Sheik express their frustrations
with the negative worldwide perception of Muslims in their lyrics. For example, DAMs song
Gharib Fi Bladi(Stranger in My Own Country) has the following lyrics (translated from
Arabic):
Who cares about us? We are dying slowly
Controlled by a Zionist democratic government!
Ya, democratic to the Jewish soul
And Zionist to the Arabic soul
(DAM)
DAM comments on the feelings of neglect brought about by the sociopolitical environment in
which they grew up: the Zionist (Israeli) control of Arabs (Palestine). They highlight Palestinian
feelings of oppression at the hands of the Israeli government. These Palestinian-American artists
have also grown tired of the stereotypical portrayal of Muslims as terrorists and dictators, as in
DAMs song Min Irhabi (Whos the Terrorist). The lyrics, translated from Arabic, are:
Whos a terrorist?
Me, a terrorist?
How am I a terrorist
When youve taken my land?
Youre the terrorist!
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Youve taken everything I own while Im living in my homeland.
(DAM)
In this song, DAM rebels against the Islamophobia prevalent throughout America after the
September 11 attacks, which brands all Muslims as terrorists. Instead, they accuse of America ofbeing a terrorist by tak[ing] away everything I own while Im living in my homeland. This
Palestinian-American critique of society clearly stems from the dissenting environment in which
these young artists were raised.
Alex Perullo and Adam Haupt both see different messages in hip-hop that discusses
newfound democracies in Africa. Alex Perullo writes about the importance of hip-pop in the
promotion of Socratic messages in Tanzania after socialisms end in the 1970s. Tanzanian
youth, such as Mr. II, confront adults misled perception of young people as wahuni, or
hooligans, through hip-hop. They use hip-hop music to counter these perceptions by promoting
ujumbe mkali (strong messages) within their songs, political messages that often highlight theharsh social conditions of Tanzania (Perullo, 1). Unlike its American and Palestinian-American
counterparts, Tanzanian hip-hop primarily discusses issues affecting new democracies, such as
class struggles, education, and most notably, unemployment (Perullo, 3). Meanwhile, Adam
Haupt sees hip-hop as instrumental in the promotion of democracy in South Africa in the post-
apartheid era. Hip-hop provided youth in South Africas nascent democracy a means of
accessing the public sphere after years of suppression during apartheid. After 50 years, the youth
were finally able to release their pent-up frustrations against the previous apartheid regime. Even
in 2000, artists such as Black Noise still used hip-hop as a tool for engagement of youth in
society (Haupt, 1). Thus, it can be seen that the Socratic critiques in African hip-hop have largely
been a result of the social and political surroundings in which African youth artists were broughtup.
Imani Perry also shares the premise that social critiques in hip-hop come from the artists
sociopolitical milieu. Like West inDemocracy Matters, Perry believes that the environment that
hip-hop artists have grown up in has been vital in shaping the content of their songs. However, in
her bookProphets of the Hood, she argues that the structure and style of hip-hop is just as
important as the message conveyed in the music: While the music bursts with sociopolitical
themes, it is quite dangerous for the critic or listener to interpret it purely as a reflection of social
and political conditions, without thought to the presence of artistic choice in every narrative and
composition (Perry, 39). Perry observes that there are many subtleties to hip-hops structure thatmakes it so beautiful. She notes that the artistic flow of hip-hop is very similar to that in the sport
of boxing: Hip hop is poetry that shifts styles of defense and offense, moving between grace
and bull-like forward barreling. It dances, it leans back, and then it attacks. It uses the broadest
allegory to discuss the individual moment of confrontation (Perry, 58-59). The combinations of
these various shifts in music optimize a tone that releases the frustrations held by youth about
their sociopolitical environment. Thus, this artistic expression by youth, coupled with the
Socratic messages in hip-hop, are successful in promoting American democratic values.
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Hip-hop has helped young people make great contributions to democracy. Whether it is
in Africa, Asia, or the United States of America, young adults have channeled their qualms with
society through this powerful medium. However, the power of hip-hop does not stop there.
Recently, there has been talk of hip-hop and rap being introduced into the science curriculum at
10 elementary schools in New York. The assumption is that hip-hop music will help youth retain
more information and keep them more engaged in the classroom (Leland). Hip-hop, if used
prophetically, has the ability to not only disseminate Socratic messages; it has the power to make
other people, especially other youth, to start critically thinking about the society around them in
the same way that these artists have done. Hip-hop is a great motivator for a more robust
democracy, which can bring about societal change. Hip-hop has the power to evolve democracy
from the sluggish horse that Socrates saw into a cantering colt.
Works Cited
Forman, Murray. The 'Hood Comes First: Race, Space, and Place in Rap and Hip-hop.
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Middletown, CT: Wesleyan UP, 2002. Print.
Haupt, Adam. "Counterpublics, Noise And Ten Years Of Democracy." New Coin Poetry 40.2
(2004): 76-90. EBSCO MegaFILE. Web. 16 Nov. 2012.
Leland, John. "A Hip-Hop Experiment." The New York Times. The New York Times, 18 Nov.2012. Web. 07 Dec. 2012.
Maira, Sunaina. "We Aint Missing: Palestinian Hip HopA Transnational Youth
Movement." CR: The New Centennial Review 8.2 (2008): 161-92. Print.
Perullo, Alex. "Hooligans and Heroes: Youth Identity and Hip-Hop in Dar Es Salaam,
Tanzania."Africa Today 51.4 (2005): 74-101. Print.
West, Cornel.Democracy Matters: Winning the Fight against Imperialism. New York: Penguin,
2004. Print.
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Varun Desai
WRIT076-307- Socratic Method and Democracy
Professor Christopher PhillipsRhetorical Outline, Draft X of X (final)
Proposition: All authors see messages in hip-hop from artists are a result of the sociopoliticalenvironment theyre in.
Description of Synthesis:
In Cornel WestsDemocracy Matters, West dedicates a chapter to discuss the necessary
engagement required with youth culture to facilitate a better democracy. West describes various
modern methods of youth expressing this engagement, namely hip-hop. In Murray Formans The
Hood Comes First, he discusses the issue of space in instigating the formation of hip-hop.
Using my Table of Common Elements, I was able to establish a link: each of them
expressed the notion that youth are critical in promoting democratic energies. Upon furtherdelving, I realized that each of them discussed environmental factors as important to developing
democratic energies among youth. West brings up many external factors such as inept fathers
and racism while Forman discusses spatial issues such as unemployment and poverty as
fundamental factors in releasing the frustrations of youth.
Using the keywords of democracy, youth, and hip-hop, I was able to find that these
environmental factors did not only occur in the United States, but all around the world. Sunaina
Mairas article discusses Palestinian-American hip-hop as unleashing the frustrations
surrounding the Gaza conflict with Israel and Palestine while Haupt and Perullos articles
discussed youth using hip-hop in the context of unleashing new democratic energies in Africa.Thus, I was able to use these articles to add a worldwide dimension to my essay.
Finally, after going back to one of my sources, I was able to add another dimension in my
essay. Imani PerrysProphets of the Hooddid suggest that hip-hop is fraught with sociopolitical
themes, but she also outlines the importance of the artistic nature of hip-hop. Thus, I decided to
include that within my essay as my final body paragraph that supports the proposition, but also
provides a unique twist to it.
Plan: Write a rhetorical draft consisting of one introductory paragraph ending in an explanatory,
complex synthesis proposition and four body paragraphs. The first three body paragraphs are
arranged by each authors geographical area of expertise. First body paragraph discusses
American hip-hop, using Cornel West and Murray Formans texts as evidence. Second body
paragraph discusses Palestinian-American hip-hop, using Sunaina Mairas article as evidence.
Third body paragraph discusses hip-hop in nascent, African democracies, using articles on
Tanzania and South Africa by Alex Perullo and Adam Haupt as evidence. The final body
paragraph returns to American hip-hop, but provides a unique perspective on hip-hop through
using Imani Perry as the principal source. Finally, write an ending linking the power of hip-hop
as not only a Socratic communicator, but also an instigator for a full-fledged democracy.
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Audience:
Goal: Introduce the audience to the variety of ways in which youth participation can affect
democracy via the medium of hip-hop. Discuss the role of hip-hop as a medium for Socratic
examination. Offer concrete examples of hip-hop music and how it varies with the sociopolitical
environment (e.g. background, social condition) of the artist.
P1 says: People consider youth to be a nuisance to society but all authors believe that messages
in hip-hop stem from the environment in which the artists grew up.
P1 does: Introduction of topic of discussion ending in an explanatory, specialized proposition.
Begins with universal premise in P1S1 but transitions into using specialized premises. Need to
define Socratic messages more clearly.
P2 says: Cornel West and Murray Forman believe that an authors sociopolitical environment
plays an influential role in American hip-hop.
P2 does: Introduction of first two texts and first reason to support proposition. Employs
authoritative citations (e.g. West) and concrete, hierarchical (prophetic vs. Constantinian)
evidence.
P3 says: Sunaina Maira describes the importance of environment in shaping Palestinian hip-hop.
P3 does: Introduction of scholarly article to support proposition. Employs lyrical citations (e.g.
DAM).
P4 says: Environmental factors impact youth to promote democracy all around the world,
including Tanzania and South Africa.
P4 does: Introduction of two other scholarly articles to support proposition. Employs historical
evidence (e.g. South Africa and apartheid) to support proposition.
P5 says: Imani PerrysProphets of the Hoodshares the notion of sociopolitical factors as being
important in shaping hip-hop, but also argues that the artistic expression of hip-hop is just as
important in the music.
P5 does: Introduction of third author-cited source to support proposition. Employs authoritative
citations and equalizing (artistic expression as important as sociopolitical messages) premises.
P6 says: Environmental factors of youth can allow hip-hop to play a huge role not only as a formof entertainment, but also as a great promoter of democratic values.
P6 does: Ending to essay. Concrete, qualitative premises (democratic values better than form of
entertainment).
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Varun Desai
WRIT076-307- Socratic Method and Democracy
Professor Christopher PhillipsDraft 1 of X
Final Research Essay Title
[Insert the first draft of your single-spaced final explanatory research essay and bibliography.]
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Varun Desai
WRIT076-307- Socratic Method and DemocracyProfessor Christopher Phillips
Rhetorical Outline, Draft 1 of X
[Insert the previous drafts abbreviated rhetorical outline that includes your proposition, plan,
goal, and intended audience, along with a few sentences about what you are doing and saying in
each paragraph. If you would like to include more than the first and final drafts, please repeatthese steps for each draft.]
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Varun Desai
WRIT076-307- Socratic Method and Democracy
Professor Christopher PhillipsPeer Review of Varun Desais Work
Peer Reviewer: Dimitri Antiniou
Proposition: Authors A, B, C, D, E, and F share the premise that Socratic messages in hip-hop
come from an artists sociopolitical environment.
Plan: To write a 1500 word research essay, utilizing explanatory reasoning and complex
synthesis. To present an introductory paragraph that establishes common ground with the reader
and ends with an explanatory proposition. To support his proposition using explanatory reasons
and developed paragraphs that demonstrate his understanding of Critical Writing methods and
his ability to analyze and synthesize texts.
Goal: To demonstrate his understanding of explanatory reasoning and complex synthesis. Topresent a well-researched, creative, and logically crafted argument. To engage with the reader at
both an aesthetic and intellectual level. To connect a number of author sources at a deep level,
unapparent to someone who has not engaged with the materials.
Audience: The audience, the readers and graders of the Critical Writing program, consists of
educated non specialist readers and graders. They are highly familiar with the Critical Writing
curriculum, and thus have a sense of the process of arriving at a final research essay. They know
intimately the process of researching, analyzing, synthesizing, writing outlines, and crafting an
essay. They are probably not, however, familiar with the topic of this research in any great depth.
The audience will look at the writing with a critical eye for accuracy and demonstration of theCritical Writing concepts, but will also be interested in the scholarly topic.
Description of Synthesis: Varun begins with a number of sources that discuss Socratic-inquiry,
hip-hop, and democracy. He has broken down those sources and found that they all share an
underlying premise. Varun has then organized his essay so as to identify several distinct reasons
that all explain that same premise. He explains how two authors focus on a youths environment
in American hip-hop, others on hip-hop outside of American-Americans, others on youth and
democracy in Africa, and the last on sociopolitical influences. Varun has used complex synthesis
to unite all authors under a shared premise, and then further analyzed them by showing how they
vary slightly in their methods.
P1 Says: Hip-hop has a bad reputation among adults, but in reality has been used to spread
Socratic and democratic ideals that stem from hip-hop artists upbringings.
P1 Does: Introduces several universal concrete premises to establish common ground with the
reader and introduces an explanatory proposition.
P2 Says: West identifies two types of hip-hop and discusses the prophetic messages in
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Constantinian hip-hop; Forman discusses how urban conflicts are the causes of hip-hop.
P2 Does: Provides an explanatory reason supported by quotes, definitions of key terms,
specialized concrete premises, and explanatory reasoning. Utilizes complex synthesis to unite
several authors under a shared premise.
P3 Says: Hip-hop has been used as a Socratic tool of Democracy elsewhere in the world. As
explained by Sunaina Maira and DAM, hip-hop has influenced the Israeli-Palestinian conflict
and conflict with America and the Middle East.
P3 Does: Introduces a universal concrete premise as a reason, with support by quotes, textual
analysis, historical context, and explanatory reasoning. Utilizes complex synthesis to unite
several authors under a shared premise.
P4 Says: Authors Perullo and Haupt explain how youth use hip-hop to discuss democracies in
Africa by examining social issues in Tanzania and South Africa.
P4 Does: Introduces an explanatory proposition that synthesizes two authors. Uses textual
evidence, defines keyterms, and utilizes complex synthesis to unite two authors under a shared
premise.
P5 Says: Imani Perry believes that social criticisms come from sociopolitical influences, a
premise she supports by discussing the structure and style of hip-hop and the tone.
P5 Does: Introduces an explanatory reason supported by an authors observations and textual
evidence; synthesizes an authors work with other authors shared premises.
P6 Says: Hip-hop has allowed youth to contribute to democracies all around the world, but italso has the power to help youth engage with education from a younger age. Hip-hop has the
potential to motivate and spur democracy.
P6 Does: Transitions out of complex synthesis and ends the essay by introducing concrete
premises.
Substantive/Evaluative: Overall, Varun, your explanation is thorough and inventive. Your
introduction establishes solid common ground by introducing hip-hop, Socratic-inquiry, and
democracy. Your opening line, however, doesnt strike me as an effective way to introduce
youth and the Socratic method. Additionally, I got stuck on the sentence that begins Theseinjustices stem from external factors as I dont see the necessity to make the distinction
between external and internal factors. Im confused as a reader about what you are identifying as
external, what you are identifying as influential, and the exact connection to youths. Your
proposition is clear, and shows good understanding of explanatory reasoning and complex
synthesis. I was really interested by your second paragraphs discussion of two different kinds of
hip-hop. Wests description of prophetic hip-hop supports your proposition and reason
excellently. Your second reason reads weakly, as it utilizes passive voice and is rather wordy. I
think your expansion of your central proposition to different geographical focuses is very
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effective. Your textual support and quotes are appropriate and well-placed. I also think you have
a strong ending. Your quick review of your central premise and then discussion of so what
allow the reader to get a quick summary of your complex synthesis and still walk away with a
bigger question in mind than just authors that you have analyzed. Overall, I think you have
introduced important premises, mad strong connections between authors, and provided ample
support.
Descriptive/Evaluative: 1) Your argument is clear, logical, and flows well. Your introduction
into an explanatory complex synthesis reads well and logically. I think additionally that your
geographical organization is an interesting approach. I think you should even identify that
approach so the reader knows what is happening without having to go back and look at the
organization as I have. Im not sure, however, that your second reason clearly follows that
organization. You say not limited to the African-American community, and then discuss Israel
and the Middle East. It seems as if the latter should be introduced in the reason. Looking back at
your argument, your introduction is a strong base for your proposition, which is supported well
by reasons, and ends in a strong so what? Your main area of weakness I think is a lack of
clarity as to where you aregoing to go. It is clear looking back, but while reading it can be
confusing as to how you are organizing your essay. 2) I think your writing could be streamlined
somewhat. You have a lot of complex sentences that rely on dependent clauses and prepositional
phrases, which sometimes muddy up your meaning. For example, the sentence in your
introduction that begins Hip-hop music, perceived by many adults to be uses six commas
and addresses several elements and ideas. Throughout your piece, I think removing unnecessary
modifiers and breaking up especially complex sentences would lend more result in greater
clarity. 3) Your reasons for the most part are very clear. However your second reason confused
me a bit as it says outside of African-American while you go on to address the Middle East.Additionally it is confusing to understand the relationship you are discussing because of the
complicated sentence structure. This is the main reason that stands out as incoherent with your
argument. Otherwise, your reasons and evidence are very strong. Sometimes your introductions
of quotes was a little weak however. For example your introduction of the lyrics from DAM. I
also think that sometimes your analysis of those quotes is lacking, including DAM and the block
quote of West. Overall though, Varun, you provide a well-structured, well-supported argument
that incorporates a number of important critical writing devices. I think reviewing your sentence
structure and style, parsing out your individual reasons, and focusing on introducing and
analyzing your quotes will only strengthen your argument. Great work.
Grammatical:
1) According to Forman, hip-hop (and more generally, the black urban beat)is the result of urban spatial conflicts such as racial segregation, localizedpolitics of urban development, fights between street gangs, and conflictsbetween minorities and the local police.
2) All citations lack page numbers3) Hip-hop has the ability to not only disseminate Socratic messages; it has
the power to make people to start critically thinking about the society
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around them in the same way that these artists have done.
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Varun Desai
WRIT076-307- Socratic Method and DemocracyProfessor Christopher Phillips
Peer Review of Dimitri Antiniou
Peer Review of Dimitri Antiniou
Proposition: The authors believe that blues is a catharsis for racial struggles.
Description of Synthesis: InDemocracy Matters, Cornel West discusses that the confronting
adversity through the blues is an epitome of tragicomic, an idea that he believes is important to
the foundation of a strong democracy. Using this as the foundation for his research, Dimitri
began looking for author-cited sources related to the blues. One of his sources focuses on the
general African-American population and their use of music to express their frustration. Another
of his sources discusses the blues as a response to violence in the South against black slaves
before the Civil War era. His keyword articles all discussed black folk music and how it
expresses deep emotion within the music. Using these sources and his Table of Common
Elements, Dimitri was able to ultimately come up with three commonalities between the sources:
each of them discussed a difficult experience, emotional tension and the role of blues music as a
way to release this emotional tension. Using these common elements, Dimitri was able to come
up with an umbrella term for the blues: catharsis. This led to the formation of his proposition:
blues music acts as a catharsis for racial injustices.
Audience: The faculty members of the Critical Writing Program are the audience. They are
educated non-specialists, meaning that they are probably not familiar with the topic at hand, but
know what constitutes a clean essay. They are familiar with the process of complex synthesis and
explanatory reasoning, and also know what constitutes good analysis and rhetorical strategies.
Thus, though they are not familiar with the topic on hand, they will still look for convincing
reasons, a strong proposition, and good supporting evidence to introduce them to the topic.
Goal: Synthesize a relationship between blues music and racism in America by using concrete,
historical evidence from various authors. Demonstrate an understanding of explanatory
reasoning, complex synthesis, and rhetorical tools by carefully crafting an essay.
Plan: Write a complex synthesis essay consisting of an introductory paragraph ending in anexplanatory proposition, and six body paragraphs. The first body paragraphs outlines the
definition of a key term, while the rest of the five body paragraphs outlines an author and
evidence from the source to support proposition.
P1 says: Blacks have had a tough history, and blues music is a catharsis for racial injustice.
P1 does: Introduction to subject of essay using universal premises before transitioning into
specialized premises. Ends in explanatory, specialized proposition.
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P2 says: In order for catharsis to occur, a difficult experience, emotional tension, and a way to
release the tension must occur.
P2 does: Definition of key term to support proposition (catharsis). Employs authoritative
citations (e.g. dictionary).
P3 says: Cornel WestsDemocracy Matters discusses the role of blues as a medium of
tragicomic hope.
P3 does: Introduction of first author and reason to support proposition. Employs concrete (e.g.
perseverance) premises and authoritative citations (e.g. West).
P4 says: Ralph Ellison also agrees that the blues act as a catharsis for racial injustices.
P4 does: Introduction of second author and text to support proposition. Employs authoritative
citations (Ellison).
P5 says: Adam Gussow discusses the role of blues music as catharsis in the context of lynching.
P5 does: Introduction of third author and text to support proposition. Employs authoritative
citations (Gussow) and concrete premises (e.g. pain and alienation).
P6 says: Marybeth Hamilton describes the voice of the blues as a means of releasing feelings of
racial suppression.
P6 does: Introduction of fourth author and text to support proposition. Employs authoritative
citations (Hamilton) and qualitative premises (Mississippi River with severest racial injustice).
P7 says: James Baldwin explains that the Negro has only been able to voice his frustrationsthrough music.
P7 does: Introduction of final author and text to support proposition. Employs authoritative
citations (Baldwin) and equalizing premises (e.g. black history the same as American history).
Substantive/Evaluative Paragraph:
I really liked your first body paragraph on catharsis. You clearly set out criteria for
defining catharsis, which really helps with your other author-cited sources. As a result, your
other reasons are clear, concise and to the point. However, one thing that I have noticed in your
essay is that you separate it author by author. This could work well since your first bodyparagraph defines the criteria for catharsis really precisely. However, a lot of your sources are
very similar (e.g. Ellison and Gussow). More or less, each of the authors describes the same
difficult experience, same emotional tension and the same utilization of blues as a way to release
this emotional tension. Another thing is that all these sources discuss racism in the context of
African-Americans. Your proposition discusses the role of blues as a catharsis for racial
injustice, but you limit your argument to racism between whites and blacks. Perhaps you can
expand your argument and create a more engaging essay by discussing blues music as a catharsis
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for other racial injustices as well. Another thing to take into account is that the audience has now
changed to educated non-specialists. Therefore, you could do more with elaboration and
definition of key terms. You could include a definition that categorizes the genre of blues music
in your introductory paragraph. Also, in P4S3, you state that First, he identifies the Southern
experience as one dominated by violence, mis-education by Western civilization, and racial
prejudice, but you dont elaborate on these. Similarly, you mention the American democratic
experiment, but remember that since these are non-specialists, you probably need to be more
precise with your word choices.
Descriptive/Evaluative Paragraph:
For the most part, your flow is very good. Your proposition is clear, succinct, and a result
of complex synthesis judging from your description of synthesis. However, there is some
wordiness in your essay. P1S1 could be rewritten in an active voice rather than a passive one.
You also need to cite the source in parentheses after quoting, which you fail to do in P2 after you
define catharsis. Another thing that you could do is to vary the way you attack your bodyparagraphs. You seem to have a formula of introducing the author with a quote from the book
and eventually ending with a summary of the three criteria for catharsis and how they relate to
what the author says. Instead, maybe you could vary up your body paragraph structure through
different types of evidence. Perhaps you can cite a couple of lyrics from blues song to further
demonstrate your point, because your analysis does not have any primary evidence. Lyrical
citations have the potential to really assist your essay. Also, you have no ending. You should
include an ending and ensure that the ending is not a summary but rather a conclusion that
provides a new perspective on the matters discussed.
Grammar:
1. The history of blacks in America is one heavily influenced by racism and itsugly side effects.to:
Black history in America has been heavily influenced by racism and its side
effects. (wordiness)
2. This definition introduces a process that consists of three distinct elements: a
difficult experience, the presence emotional tension, and a release of thattension or refreshment of spirit.
to:
This definition introduces a process that consists of three distinct elements: a difficult
experience, the presence of emotional tension, and a release of that tension or
refreshment of spirit. (omission of word)
3. Gussow begins by characterizing life in the South for blacks. He identifies aprevelance of violence in Jimcrow South, an area dominated by white
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supremacy and rampant lynching.to:
Gussow begins by characterizing life in the South for blacks. He identifies a
prevalence of violence in Jim Crow South, an area dominated by white
supremacy and rampant lynching. (Capitalization and spelling error)
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Peer Reviewed Paper Author: Dimitri Antiniou
Peer Reviewer: Varun Desai
The Blues in Black America
The history of blacks in America is one heavily influenced by racism and its ugly side
effects. From overt violence to subtle prejudice, blacks have faced much adversity due to the
prevalence of White attitudes of superiority and dominance. Slavery and segregation are just two
examples of these difficult realities. In the face of such injustices, many blacks turned to music,
giving birth to the Blues tradition. In their respective texts, authors Cornel West, Ralph Ellison,
Adam Gussow, Marybeth Hamilton, and James Baldwin all investigate the history of the Blues
and its role in the lives of oppressed blacks. All of these authors interpret Blues music as a
catharsis for racial injustice.
The term catharsis is derived from several ancient Greek words meaning Puring, topurify, or pure. It is defined by the American Heritage New Dictionary of Cultural Literacy as,
A release of emotional tension, as after an overwhelming experience, that restores or refreshes
the spirit. This definition introduces a process that consists of three distinct elements: a difficult
experience, the presence emotional tension, and a release of that tension or refreshment of spirit.
Although they do not name it as such, each author explains how music embody that process and
serve as a catharsis for blacks in America.
InDemocracy Matters, Cornel West explains that the Blues were a way for blacks in
America to confront hard realities and persevere without cynicism. The hard reality, as West
explains, was the prevalence of white supremacy in the American democratic experiment. Hedetails the deep roots of racism and slavery, and proposes that even today Americans struggle
with confronting that dark history. Thus, politics and social thought have been dominated by
matters of race. West believes that the Blues embody what he calls tragicomic hope. In the face
of dominance, he explains how tragicomic hope allowed blacks to preserve hope even while
staring in the face of hate and hypocrisy (16). Wests argument outlines the experience of living
under racism, the tension created from Americas inability to confront its past, and the ability of
the blues to refresh the spirit. Without naming it as such, West interprets the Blues as catharsis.
In Richard Wrights Blues, Ralph Ellison explains how the blues at once express both
the agony of life and the possibility of conquering it through sheer toughness of spirit (275). Inthis book review, Ellison uses Richard Wrights autobiography,Black Boy, to highlight several
hardships common of all Southern blacks. First, he identifies the Southern experience as one
dominated by violence, mis-education by Western civilization, and racial prejudice. Secondly, he
proposes that Southern blacks were isolated within themselves, unable to connect with their role
in America at large. Ellison then explains that the Blues were a strong response to these
difficulties. He describes them as, an impulse to keep the painful details and episodes of a brutal
experience alive in one's aching consciousness, to finger its jagged grain, and to transcend it, not
by the consolation of philosophy, but by squeezing from it a near-tragic, near-comic lyricism
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(264). Ellisons description of the lives of blacks in the South and his interpretation of the blues
both point towards catharsis, as they supply all three elements: a difficulty, a tension, and
refreshment.
In Seems Like Murder Here, Adam Gussow takes a slightly different focus by explaining
the role of the Blues in the South as a specific response to the practice of lynching. He buildsupon this by saying, Black southerners evolved blues song as a way of speaking back to, and
maintaining psychic health in the face of an ongoing threat of lynching (xii). Gussow begins by
characterizing life in the South for blacks. He identifies a prevelance of violence in Jimcrow
South, an area dominated by white supremacy and rampant lynching. He states that quality of
life for Southern blacks was poor, dominated by white racial and sexual hysteria, white-
managed economics of expropriated black labor, white folkways that demanded silence and
submission (15). He delves deeply into the role of the Blues as a social response to the
grievous spiritual pressures exerted on working-class black southerners by the sudden eruption of
lynching-as-a-spectacle (3). The center of Gussows argument is that the Blues stemmed from
the ever-present threat of being lynched as a way to maintain mental and spiritual health. Thus
Gussow has identified the traumas of lynching, the tension caused by that threat, and the
restoration of spirit that occurs through musical expression.
In The Voice of the Blues, Marybeth Hamilton also takes a different angle by focusing
on the voice of the Blues. She first characterizes the blues as a music of pain and alienation, a
cry of African-American despair (123). In the Mississippi Delta, where racism and injustices
were arguably the most severe in America, the Delta Blues were born. They gave a story to the
forgotten and faceless black masses (234) and expressed the pain being suffered. Hamilton
notes that the blues possessed that unreproduceable voicea purity of spirit and a wild,
untamed longing, a mournfulness that spoke not just of slavery but of some-thing universal in the
human soul (129). Her argument outlines the overwhelming experience of being abused and
forgotten, feeling the tension of having no voice or face, and then finding a voice to express pain
and tragedy. Thus, while her argument does take a slightly different focus, Hamilton ultimately
crafts an understanding of the Blues that points towards catharsis.
InMany Thousands Gone, James Baldwin explains that, It is only in his musicthat the
Negro in America has been able to tell his story (23). To begin with, Baldwin explains one side
of the Negros plight in America. He says that, It is not a very pretty storyIt is a story which
otherwise has yet to be told and which no American is prepared to hear (123). Baldwin
identifies the plight of the American Negro as a crisis of identity. He notes that America holds a
fantastical and fearful (34) image of Negroes, citing a history full of violence and injustice.
Additionally, he proposes that the story of the Negro in America is actually the story of
American itself. Thus in order for Americans to understand the plight of the Negro, they must
confront their own history. He concludes that, We cannot ask: what do we really feel about him
such a question merely opens the gates on chaos. What we really feel about him is involved
with all that we feel about everything, about everyone, about ourselves (23). The difficult
experience, as Baldwin writes, was the inability for blacks to confront and express their history.
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This inability created a tension, a backlog of emotion. The blues released this backlog and
restored the spirit of blacks. Baldwins argument again points towards the Blues as a catharsis.
Dimitri Antinious Abbreviated Outline
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Proposition: Authors A, B, C, and D, and E interpret Blues music as a catharsis for racial
injustice.
Description of complex synthesis: In our research text,Democracy Matters, Cornel West writes
about tragicomic hope, an attitude of perseverance. On several occasions, he mentions that the
blues tradition of blacks in America was the best embodiment of tragicomic hope. He writes thattheir confrontation of adversity through music constituted a profound embodiment of the
tragicomic ideal. However, West never explores this subject in depth, at least in this text. As a
Jazz & Blues musician, I was drawn immediately to this creative conclusion. I set out to uncover
more for my Topic of Interest Assignment, reading about racism, democracy, and the Blues. In
my first round, I came across several author sources that discussed the role of the blues
specifically. One focused on the ability for blacks to express their story through song and another
on the blues as a response to violence in the South. In my second round of research for the
keywords, I found several articles that discussed Negro folk music in America, again returning to
the idea that it expressed deep emotion and pain. As I worked through the writing seminar
curriculum, I wrote two independent essays/chunks, one for each round of research. Coming to
the final research essay, I sat down to examine similarities across the entirety of my research.
Ultimately, I noticed that all of my sources dealt with confrontations of realities and emotional
responses. The blues, each author wrote, serve to confront a hard history, a bleak future, or a
painful injustice. It was not just a confrontation, however, but also a coming to terms. The
blues allowed for an emotional development that consisted of confrontation, comprehension, and
expression. Here I had the revelation that, although no author named it as such, each author was
really supporting a claim that the blues were a form of catharsis. I continued on to research
catharsis, and came to understand three important elements in its definition. I then went back to
my Table of Common Elements to look for those elements, and was able to pull them from fiveof my sources. Thus I set out, in this essay, to provide an understanding of catharsis, and then
show how each of my authors interpreted the Blues in the same way.
Audience: My audience consists of faculty readers and graders. They are highly familiar with
the Critical Writing curriculum, and thus have a sense of the process of arriving at a final
research essay. They know intimately the process of researching, analyzing, synthesizing,
writing outlines, and crafting an essay. They are probably not, however, familiar with the topic
of my research in any great depth. Most will have come across it in their general educations of
American History, but will most likely be unfamiliar with the specific arguments cited or authors
analyzed. I must then be careful to achieve two tasks simultaneously: 1) to demonstrate myability to use explanatory reasoning and complex synthesis and 2) to engage with my reader and
keep them interested in an unfamiliar topic. My audience will look at my writing with a critical
eye for accuracy and demonstration of the Critical Writing concepts, but will also be interested in
the scholarly topic.
Goal: To demonstrate my understanding of explanatory reasoning and complex synthesis. To
present a well-researched, creative, and logically crafted argument. To engage with my reader at
both an aesthetic and intellectual level. To connect a number of author sources at a deep level,
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unapparent to someone who has not engaged with the materials.
Plan: To write a 1500 word research essay, utilizing explanatory reasoning and complex
synthesis. To present an introductory paragraph that establishes common ground with the reader
and ends with an explanatory proposition. To support my proposition using explanatory reasons
and developed paragraphs that demonstrate my understanding of Critical Writing methods andmy ability to analyze and synthesize texts.
Varun Desai
WRIT076-307- Socratic Method and Democracy
Professor Christopher PhillipsComplex Synthesis (Research Text & Sources)
Adults often perceive youth to be a nuisance to society. They see them as sex-crazed,
binge-drinking troublemakers that are unable to become serious with their lives. These people
feel that youth do not offer much to society or to democracy. Authors such as Randolph Bourne,
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Cornel West, Imani Perry, and George Forman however, however, believe that many youth
communicated their fresh perspectives, great energy, and eagerness to contribute to a better
democracy. But, they also have differing views on how exactly youth impact democracy. Though
all four authors see youth as critical in promoting democratic energies, they see youth impacting
democracy differently.
Randolph Bournes Youth and Life sees the unbridled passion of youth as a great
proponent of democracy. According to Bourne, the young generation is full of contradictions, but
the one thing that youth have that is different from older generations is a great, rich rush and
flood of energy. It is as if the store of life had been accumulating through the slow, placid years
of childhood, and suddenly the dam had broken and the waters rushed out, furious and
uncontrolled. Youth are neither cynical nor worn down by previous failures like the older
generation is. Their minds are fresh from the protection of childhood, ready to undertake the
challenges set forth by the world in front of them. Thus, they are able to lead the Socratic
lifestyle of self-questioning by critiquing the society laid around them. They take the world
presented to them and channel their passion for their society into laying new foundations to
progress democracy (Bourne). Thus, it can be seen that Bourne values the importance of the
unbridled passion of youth and views it as a key factor in progressing democracy.
Cornel West sees youth as a critical force in promoting democratic energies through the
medium of hip-hop. Like Bourne, West acknowledges the passion of uncorrupted youth as
critical to democracy. However, West believes that youth channel this energy in different
methods, such as hip-hop. Despite the fact that present day hip-hop is often associated with
messages promoting promiscuity, hip-hop originally was created as a mode of expression against
the injustices of democracy. There are two types of hip-hop according to West: Constantinian
hip-hop and prophetic hip-hop. Constantinian hip-hop is the hip-hop supports imperialist dogmas
and evokes a sense of nihilism within people through their lyrics. However, prophetic hip-hop,
the original form of hip-hop, was found in response to the notions of income inequality and the
unjust treatment of blacks in America. The first artists of hip-hop were prophetic, like KRS-
ONE, Kool Herc, Rakim, and Public Enemy, and were instrumental in promoting American
democracy. Their songs discussed the suffering that they experienced being marginalized and
their attempts at resisting the nihilism of American democracy. According to West, that such
powerful poetry and insightful social critiques could be created by youths who have been
flagrantly disregarded, demeaned, and demonized by the dominant market-driven culture
targeted as cannon fodder by a racist criminal justice system and a growing prison-industrialcomplex, in disgraceful schools and shattered families (including too many irresponsible,
unemployed fathers) and violent environments is a remarkable testament to the vital
perspective and energy that can be injected into our democracy by the young, who have not
made their compromises yet with the corrupted system (West). Thus, it can be seen that West
feels that youths democratic energy can be effectively unleashed through the medium of hip-
hop.
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Imani Perry sees the artistic expression of youth as the impetus to unleashing democratic
energies. Like West inDemocracy Matters, Imani Perry believes that hip-hop has been quite
vital in promoting democracy. However, in her bookProphets of the Hood, Perry argues that the
structure and style of hip-hop is more important in engaging democracy than the message
conveyed in the music: While the music bursts with sociopolitical themes, it is quite dangerous
for the critic or listener to interpret it purely as a reflection of social and political conditions,
without thought to the presence of artistic choice in every narrative and composition (Perry).
Perry remarks that there are many subtleties to the structure of hip-hop that makes it so beautiful.
She notes that the artistic flow of hip-hop is very similar to that in the sport of boxing: Hip hop
is poetry that shifts styles of defense and offense, moving between grace and bull-like forward
barreling. It dances, it leans back, and then it attacks. It uses the broadest allegory to discuss the
individual moment of confrontation (Perry). The combinations of these various shifts in music
optimize a tone that releases the frustrations held by youth about their society. Thus, this artistic
expression by youth is successful is promoting American democracy.
Murray Forman sees that the issue of space is a fundamental factor in promoting
democratic energies among youth. Like West and Perry, Forman examines the role of hip-hop in
releasing democratic energies among youth. He also examines the role of rap. According to
Forman, rap (and generally the black urban beat) is the result of confrontations. These
confrontations usually occur in urban areas. Urban areas face a variety of spatial issues, such as
racial segregation, localized politics of urban development, fights between street gangs, and
conflicts between minorities and the local police. All these spatial conflicts, coupled with
widespread poverty and income inequality, elicit a spark in youth to unleash their frustrations
through the medium of rap and hip-hop. Hence, it can be seen that spatial issues are instrumental
in developing deep democratic roots among youth.
Works Cited
Bourne, Randolph Silliman. Youth and Life. Freeport, NY: for Libraries, 1967. Print.
Forman, Murray. The 'hood Comes First: Race, Space, and Place in Rap and Hip-hop.
Middletown, CT: Wesleyan UP, 2002. Print.
Perry, Imani.Prophets of the Hood: Politics and Poetics in Hip Hop. Durham: Duke UP, 2004.
Print.
West, Cornel.Democracy Matters: Winning the Fight against Imperialism. New York: Penguin,
2004. Print.
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Abbreviated Outline
By Varun Desai
Proposition: All four texts see youth as critical in promoting democracy but in different ways.
Description of Synthesis:
Randolph Bournes Youth and Life outlines the importance of youth by discussing their
unbridled passion and uncorrupt nature that makes them so critical for the progress of society. In
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Cornel WestsDemocracy Matters, West dedicates a chapter to discuss the necessary
engagement required with youth culture to facilitate a better democracy. West describes various
modern methods of youth expressing this engagement, namely hip-hop. In Imani Perrys
Prophets of the Hood, she discusses the formational years of hip-hop and its artistic notions that
contribute to its popularity. In Murray Formans The Hood Comes First, he discusses the issue
of space in instigating the formation of hip-hop.
Using my table of common elements, from all these different sources, I was able to
establish one common link: each of them expressed the notion that youth are critical in
promoting democratic energies. At the same time however, each of them had a differing opinion
on what exactly about youth is critical to promoting democracy. Though three of the four sources
made references to hip-hop as a medium through which democratic energies can be unleashed,
each of them felt that a different factor led to the formation of hip-hop in promoting these
energies. West focused his argument primarily on the sociopolitical messages in hip-hop, Perry
focused on the artistic expression in the structure of hip-hop songs while Forman outlined the
issue of space as a fundamental factor in developing hip-hop to unleash democratic energies.
Meanwhile, Bourne believes in the unbridled passion and uncorrupt nature of youth in promoting
democracy.
Plan: Write an 800-1000 rhetorical draft consisting of one introductory paragraph ending in an
explanatory proposition and four body paragraphs. Each body paragraph outlines an author and
how their argument supports explanatory proposition.
Audience: Youth in class very much involved and engaged in democracy. Many of them have
contributed to democracy in some manner through their extracurricular activities and agree that
youth participation can be critical to democracy. However, they may not be aware of themultitude of ways in which democracy can be promoted by youth.
Goal: Introduce the audience to the variety of ways in which youth participation can affect
democracy. Although, through comparison and contrast of various authors, introduce the
audience to different views on how youth can promote democratic energies.
P1 says: People consider youth to be a nuisance to society but four authors suggest that youth
can unleash democratic energies through they do so in different ways.
P1 does: Introduction of topic of discussion ending in an explanatory, specialized proposition.
Begins with universal premise in P1S1 but transitions into using specialized premises.
P2 says: Randolph Bourne believes that the passion of youth is critical to promoting democracy.
P2 does: Introduction of first text and reason to support proposition. Employs authoritative
citations.
P3 says: Cornel West believes that democratic energies in youth can be expressed through hip-hop.
P3 does: Introduction of second text and reason to support proposition. Employs authoritative
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citations and concrete, hierarchical, evidence.
P4 says: Imani Perry believes that the artistic expression of youth is critical to developingdemocracy.
P4 does: Introduction of third text and reason to support proposition. Employs authoritative
citations and metaphorical language. Transition between S7 and S8 needs to flow better.
P5 says: Murray Forman believes that the spatial issues encountered by youth are critical todeveloping democracy.
P5 does: Introduction of fourth text and reason to support proposition. Transition between S7 and
S8 is rather abrupt.
Varun Desai
WRIT076-307- Socratic Method and DemocracyProfessor Christopher Phillips
Keyword Synthesis
Adults often perceive hip-hop music to be a nuisance to society. They see the medium of
hip-hop as promoting sex, binge drinking, and troublemaking among youth. These people feel
that hip-hop does not allow youth to offer much to society or to democracy. Authors such asCornel West, Sunaina Maira, Alex Perullo, and Adam Haupt, however, believe that many youth
have used hip-hop to communicate their fresh perspectives, great energy, and eagerness to
contribute to a better democracy in many places. From America to Africa, youth have used thehip-hop as a medium to unleash their frustrations of their sociopolitical environment. All four
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authors see hip-hop as the springboard for youth to promote democratic messages around the
world.
Cornel West and Sunaina Maira both see hip-hop as a critical force in promoting
democratic energies in America. InDemocracy Matters, West dicussses the idea that prophetic
hip-hop, the original form of hip-hop, was found in response to the notions of income inequalityand the unjust treatment of blacks in America. Artists of prophetic hip-hop discussed the
suffering that they experienced being marginalized and their attempts at resisting the nihilism of
American democracy in their songs. According to West, that such powerful poetry andinsightful social critiques could be created by youths who have been flagrantly disregarded is a
remarkable testament to the vital perspective and energy that can be injected into our democracy
by the young, who have not made their compromises yet with the corrupted system (West).
Sunaina Mairas article We Aint Hood discusses the importance of Palestinian-American hip-hop as a way to unleash the frustrations surrounding the situation in Palestine. According to
Maira, an emerging generation of Arab youth is using popular culture to raise awareness about
Palestine. Though hip-hop primarily emerged in the late 1970s from marginalized AfricanAmericans, Palestinian youth have now embraced the medium and use it to unleash their
frustrations about the Israel-Palestine conflict. They have grown tired of the stereotyping of
Muslims as terrorists and dictators. They express these frustrations within their songs, often byundermining these representations in their lyrics (Maira). It is through these hip-hop lyrics that
youth spread democratic messages in America.
Alex Perullo and Adam Haupt both see hip-hop as critical to the newfound democracies
in Africa. Alex Perullo expounds upon the significance of youth and hip-hop in promoting
democratic messages in Tanzania after socialisms end in the 1970s. Tanzanian youth, such as
Mr. II, confront adults perception of young people as wahuni, or hooligans, through hip-hop.They use hip-hop music to channel their frustrations and promote ujumbe mkali (strong
messages) within their songs, political messages that often highlight the harsh social conditions
of Tanzania. They discuss various issues such as poverty, class struggles, education, and mostnotably of all, unemployment, within their songs (Perullo). Meanwhile, Adam Haupt saw hip-
hop as instrumental in the promotion of democracy in South Africa in the post-apartheid era.
Hip-hop assisted youth in South Africas inexperienced democracy by providing them a meansof accessing the public sphere after years of suppression from apartheid. Even after 10 years in
2000, artists such as Black Noise still used hip-hop as a tool for engagement for youth in society.
Thus, it can be seen that hip-hop has been vital for youth in promoting democratic messages to
fledgling democracies (Haupt).
Works Cited
Haupt, Adam. "Counterpublics, Noise And Ten Years Of Democracy." New Coin Poetry 40.2
(2004): 76-90. EBSCO MegaFILE. Web. 16 Nov. 2012.
Sunaina Maira. "We Aint Missing: Palestinian Hip HopA Transnational Youth Movement."
CR: The New Centennial Review 8.2 (2008): 161-92. Print.
Perullo, Alex. "Hooligans and Heroes: Youth Identity and Hip-Hop in Dar Es Salaam,
Tanzania."Africa Today 51.4 (2005): 74-101. Print.
West, Cornel.Democracy Matters: Winning the Fight against Imperialism. New York: Penguin,
2004. Print.
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Abbreviated Outline
By Varun Desai
Proposition: All four authors feel hip-hop is instrumental in promoting democracy by youth.Description of Synthesis:
Through my statement of research interest and the sources that I used for my complex
synthesis draft, I was able to target three keywords that I felt were important to my potential
essay: hip-hop, democracy, and youth. After searching up these keywords on a variety ofdatabases (EBSCO, J-Stor, and Google Scholar), I was able to find three articles. The first article
discussed the importance of hip-hop for youth in South Africa during the post-apartheid era. The
second article discussed the importance of hip-hop and youth in Dar Es Salaam. The third articleI found focused on the importance of hip-hop for Palestinian-American youth in the struggle for
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the liberation of Palestine. From these articles, I was able to notice a common pattern: each of
these articles agreed that hip-hop was a good medium for youth to unleash their frustration and
promote democracy, but each of them focused on a different part of the world. Unlike Weststext, which only focuses on hip-hop and youth in America, these articles provide a global
perspective on hip-hop and youth. Thus, my new proposition came about: all four texts see hip-
hop as critical for youth to promote democracy around the world.
Plan: Write a 500-word draft consisting of an introductory paragraph ending in an explanatory
proposition and two body paragraphs each consisting of two authors reasons and evidence tosupport proposition.
Audience: Youth in class very much involved and engaged in democracy. Many of them have
contributed to democracy in some manner through their extracurricular activities and agree thatyouth participation can be critical to democracy. However, they may not be aware of the
multitude of ways in which democracy can be promoted by youth and may not necessarily be
familiar with the role of hip-hop as a medium for youth to launch their arguments aboutdemocracy. I will need to present concrete, factual historical evidence for them to see the role of
hip-hop as a springboard for promoting democracy around the world.
Goal: Change the negative perception surrounding hip-hop by providing historical and modern
evidence on how hip-hop is used as a cultural medium around the world. Change the view that
hip-hop is only an American cultural medium when it is a worldwide phenomenon.
P1 says: People consider hip-hop to mislead youth but four authors suggest that hip-hop can help
youth unleash democratic energies around the world.
P1 does: Introduction of topic of discussion ending in an explanatory, specialized proposition.
Proposition needs to be modified so that main focus is on the international nature of hip-hop
rather than hip-hop as a springboard for democracy to make reasoning flow better.
P2 says: Authors West and Maira believe that it helps promote democracy in America.
P2 does: Introduction of first text and reason to support proposition. Employs authoritative
citations and qualitative premises. Page numbers need to be added to citations.
P3 says: Authors Perullo and Haupt believe that hip-hop helps youth promote democraticmessages in newly established democracies in Africa.
P3 does: Introduction of second text and reason to support proposition. Need to describe whyhip-hop is used as a springboard over other mediums and Haupts argument needs to be
elaborated upon.
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Varun Desai
WRIT076-307-Socratic Method and Democracy
Professor Christopher Phillips
Custom Proofreading Sheet
Custom Proofreading Sheet Draft 4
Incorrect Sentence Correct Sentence Little Brown
Manual
Type of Mistake
Grassroots
(associations) are
able to develop
personal
connections that
Grassroots
(associations) are
able to develop
personal
connections that
60 Subject-verb
agreement
Overarching
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overarching
authorities
(government) is
unable to do.
overarching
authorities
(government) are
unable to do.
authorities is plural
They stem from theproduction of an
active environment
where citizens are
able to exchange
thoughts and ideas
to develop new
opinions on their
current political
system. These civic
associations can
provide these
mediums of
exchange,
ultimately
cultivating a strong
and effective
democracy.
They stem from anactive environment
where citizens are
able to exchange
thoughts and ideas,
which can
ultimately create a
strong democracy.
34 Conciseness
Lot of flowery
language. Not
needed. Be direct
Such groups, which
include the
American Civic
Association, are
usually volunteer-
run associations that
run various services
(such as citizenship
classes and refugee
resettlement) and
social events for
their respective
communities.
Such groups, which
include the
American Civic
Association, are
usually volunteer-
run associations that
host various
services (such as
citizenship classes
and refugee
resettlement) and
social events for
their respective
communities.
39 Variety
Volunteer-run and
run again doesnt
sound nice. Change
to host.
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An increase in civic
involvement can
counter this trend by
creating a greater
sense of community
among the people.
As people in these
civic associations
are able to interact
with more people,
they will be able to
eventually put
communal interests
above their own
self-interests,leading to a more
efficient and
engaged democracy.
An increase in civic
involvement can
counter this trend by
creating a greater
sense of community
among citizens. As
people in these civic
associations are able
to interact with
others, they will be
able to eventually
put communal
interests above their
own self-interests,
leading to a moreefficient and
engaged democracy.
39 Variety
People was
mentioned 3 times.Try to use synonyms
to keep language
varied.
Civic associations
develop a sense of
belonging among its
members, resulting
in greater
cooperation andawareness of
communal needs
rather than
pursuance of self-
interests.
Civic associations
develop a sense of
belonging among its
members. This
results in greater
cooperation andawareness of
communal needs
rather than
pursuance of self-
interests
34 Run-On.
Break into two
sentences.
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communal
interests about their
own ones.:
communal
interests above their
own ones.
46 Exact words
Be careful when
writing
He realized that they
have the power to
fuel many
democratic
movements, such as
womens suffrage
He realized that
civic associations
have the power to
fuel many
democratic
movements, such as
womens suffrage
68 Unclear antecedent
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A merger of two
civic associations,
the National
American Womens
Suffrage
Association
(NAWSA) backed
extensively for
womens rights for
30 years by
recruiting new
members, raising
money, advocating
at various
worldwideconferences, and
canvassing the
support of many
celebrities.
A merger of two
civic associations,
the National
American Womens
Suffrage
Association
(NAWSA) backed
extensively for
womens rights for
30 years by
recruiting new
members, raising
money, advocating
at various
worldwideconferences, and
canvassing the
support of many
influential people.
42 Colloquial
(celebrities does not
seem appropriate in
a 1920s context)
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Varun DesaiWRIT076-307- Socratic Method and Democracy
Professor Christopher Phillips
Timed Essay 2
Explanatory reasoning and justificatory reasoning are different in many ways.
Explanatory reasoning is, as it suggests, an explanation of the proposition that is set forth.
First of all, in explanatory reasoning, propositions are usually set forth, but not limited to, using
verbs such as is or are. The propositions are usually phrased in a way that they answer the
first 4 Ws (who, what, when, where) or how. For example, if you look at this current timed
writing, you can see that the proposition is, Explanatory reasoning and justificatory reasoning
are different in many ways. I have phrased it in a way that it incorporates the use of the word
are. Also, the proposition begs to question the answer how. Thus, it can be seen that this
proposition is very explanatory. Explanatory propositions are common when the person is
writing to an audience that is not familiar with the subject being discussed. Thus, explanatoryreasoning introduces them to the topic and allows to become a bit more familiarized with the
topic discussed. It allows them to begin forming their opinions on the topic, but doesnt
necessarily convey your own opinions and feelings about the topic. Explanatory reasoning is not
persuasive; it does try and sway the reader into supporting your idea. Rather, explanatory
reasoning allows your reader to learn about the topic and explore the many different notions
surrounding the topic. This is quite different from justificatory reasoning.
Justificatory reasoning, as it suggests, provides a justification on the stance that is taken
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within your proposition. First of all, justificatory propositions often include the words should,
must or ought. The propositions are phrased in a way such that they answer the question
why rather than who, what, where, when, or how. For example, in my midterm
portfolio, my justificatory proposition was Civic associations must become the backbone of
American democracy. I used the word must in my proposition to convey a justificatory tone
to my paper. I also phrased my proposition in a way such that it begs to ask the question why.
Justificatory reasoning is usually reserved for audiences who are fairly knowledgeable on the
topic discussed. They know about the subject under scrutiny and also have their own stances on
the issue. Thus, the writer has to convince the audience to reconsider their viewpoint and to
support his or her stance instead by providing evidence to support their proposition. The writer
must engage in persuasive rhetoric, which can be done through a variety of tools. One common
tool that a justificatory writer uses is the tool of refutation and concession. In order to make
justificatory papers stronger, a writer must acknowledge counterarguments against his or her
proposition. The writer can then do two things: they can either refute the counterargument by
providing evidence against the counterargument, or they can concede to the counterargument butquestion its overall significance or impact. Thus, the audience recognizes that the writer
acknowledges their concern, but the refutation and concession makes the audience question
whether or not the counterargument is as valid as originally thought. Thus, the audience becomes
more persuaded by the writers argument, making the reasoning a lot stronger. Hence, it can be
seen that explanatory and justificatory writing differ in various ways.
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Varun Desai
WRIT076-307- Socratic Method and Democracy
Professor Christopher Phillips
Timed Essay 1
The opportunity to hear candidates visions during the presidential debates will be a key
insight into choosing the right President for America.
The presidential debates will give a wider American audience a first-hand opportunity to
listen to the candidates speaking about their platforms. Before the presidential debates, the only
forms of campaigning that the candidates undertook were local rallies and small conventions.
Thus, a select few citizens only heard the candidates voices while the rest of the citizens access
to the views of the candidates was through biased media stations. Since the presidential debates
are being broadcast live on TV, more citizens can access the political views and philosophies of
the candidates. For the first time throughout the elections process, a wide audience will have the
opportunity to listen to candidates directly speaking about their visions. It will be the first time
for some viewers to see each candidate side by side. It will provide them with a context to judgeeach candidate and their views, regardless of whether or not they stay in the bubble of their
campaign rhetoric and sound bites.
Also, not only will the presidential debates present a context for which viewers can judge
the candidates, but it will also provide an environment where the candidates can stray away from
their campaign rhetoric and sound bites. In the last presidential debates, there were often
improvised questions asked by citizens through YouTube that were addressed to the presidential
candidates directly. The candidates had to answer a variety of different questions that obviously
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could not have been prepared for. It gave a chance for them to show their true side in different
facets of presidency: as a humanitarian, as an economist, and as the leader of a nation. Therefore,
the presidential debates can actually give a opportunity to see the true side of the candidates, a
side that is not bounded necessarily by prepared speech.
Though some may believe that the presidential debates will be for nothing if thecandidates stay in their campaign rhetoric and sound bites, they have potential to be quite
important in choosing the right American President. It will give the opportunity for a wider
audience to listen to the candidates, and they create an environment where the candidates have to
actually stray away from their campaign rhetoric. The presidential debates can give key insight
into what type of candidates Barack Obama and Mitt Romney are, and can provide them with
actual, first-hand information for making the right decision for American President.
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Varun Desai
WRIT076-307- Socratic Method and DemocracyProfessor Christopher Phillips
Writing Diagnostic
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Varun Desai
WRIT076-307- Socratic Method and DemocracyProfessor Christopher Phillips
Peer Review of Varun Desais Work
Peer Reviewer: Tim Miller
Brief Description: Peer Review of Keyword Synthesis
Proposition: Cornel West, Sunaina Maira, Alex Perullo, and Adam Haupt see hip-hop as a
platform for which youth around the world can promote democratic messages.
Synthesis: The type of synthesis that is used here is simple synthesis. The connection between
all of the writers is that they see hip-hop as a medium for which the youth of the world can
channel democratic messages. The essay becomes simple synthesis when the authors are
categorized by which country they discuss. Cornel West and Sunaina Maira talk about hip-hop in
the U.S. and Alex Perullo and Adam Haupt talk about hip-hop in Africa.Audience: The audience for this essay is the writing seminar class and Professor Phillips. It can
be assumed that the class all readDemocracy Matters and have a basic understanding of Westsargument about hip-hop and its connection to democracy. However the class probably doesnt
know the significance of hip-hop outside of the U.S.
Goal: Explain to the reader the significance of hip-hop for youth around the world and itsconnection to democracy. Explain to the audience that hip-hop is more than a form of
entertainment, it is an art form and a medium of expression.
Paragraph 1:-Says: To many adults hip-hop has a bad connotation and represents many of the ills of society.
However there are four authors who disagree and believe democracy is an important way foryouth to discuss democratic issues.-Does: Establishes a specialize explanatory proposition, uses compare and contrast to lead into
the introduction of the proposition
-Mechanics: No errors
Paragraph 2:
-Says: Cornel West and Sunaina Maira b