fierce love

8/8/2019 Fierce Love

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Introduction

Life has a way of surprising us: sometimes pleasant, other times

not so pleasant. The rough curves and bends of life can catch us

unaware. We can never be fully sure how the day would turn

out despite our planning. It is at these times God shows up.

God is not necessarily in the big things of life. He is in the small

things of life, too. He plays hide and seek with us. He does it sothat we are always mindful of Him. He doesnt want us to forget

him. I know the absence of God is never funny for us humans.

We always long for a certainty of His presence.

I was sitting at the Starbucks Caf and over a cup of coffee

mocha was pondering about God: why people some fiercely

love him, while some others hate him. My thoughts led to

people who found God to be their ultimate source of joy despite

what life handed out to them. I felt I had to write those stories

and so here is a collection of short stories about Gods presence

in our simple everyday lives.

I hope you will find these stories inspiring and blessing. My

humble desire is to spread message of God to every human

being so that all will find joy, peace, comfort and rest in theirbusy lives.

Reuben David

November 24, Minneapolis


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I dedicate this book for those who

are looking for love, acceptance,

peace, joy, rest but never quite got

it fully. I hope you will find the

stories in this book bring you all

the above in the only one person who

can truly give it: GOD


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Table of Contents

1. You are carved in the palm of God...042. One womans last night on earth..153. A day in the life of my heart..264. Talking to God in the train..455. Memory of a different Christmas..546. Life is not fair but God is good647. Happy Birthday to God.698. Meeting God in the monsoon.809. Brown sweater and black pant.103


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You are carved in the palm of God

THE COOL splash of the sea water hit her face drenching

her in ecstasy. Her turquoise palm print sundress stuck to

her back. Jessica balanced herself on the craggy sea-

soaked jutting rocks of Cape Agulhas, the southernmost tip

of Africa where the Atlantic and the Indian Ocean jostled

against each other. It looked like the two oceans were

playing a see saw game, up and down, raining cascades of

water.

Her heart was racing while her eyes searched for one

particular rock. She was in South Africa to revisit her past.

It was many years ago when she and her husband had

honeymooned here. They were married in a quaint

cathedral in Cape Town. It was a bright sunny morning at

the cathedral on March 14, 1998. The sun was streaming

down through the stained glass windows. Jessica stood

immaculate in her chiffon strapless bridal gown, her face


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aglow and ready for a new start in life. Jeff stood in his

classic peak tuxedo, his head held high.

Rev Francis Johnson presided over the wedding and

pronounced them as husband and wife. The morning after

the wedding Jeff had a surprise for Jessica. He drove her to

the Cape Agulhas, to a particular rock and asked her tostand a few feet away from him while he hurried to the

rock and placed both his hands on a piece of large rock.

Then with a twinkle in his eyes he beckoned Jessica:

Jess can you come over here

Sure

Now pry my hands slowly

Ok

As Jessica began to pry his hands slowly, she saw

something that took her breath away


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Jeff had carved deep into the rock the words, I love you

Jessica, Jeff

The carving was deep and Jeff had apparently spent many

hours chiseling those words weeks before the wedding.

Jessica was overwhelmed with emotions and broke into

tears of joy and hugged Jeff. His body felt warm againstthe noon day sun. The white speckled grey rock with her

name on it was a gift of love by Jeff. The waves were

crashing onto the rock washing the names again and again.

Each time the waters washed the rock the emblem of love

appeared fresher and brighter.

Jeff looked at Jessica tenderly and said, Jessica, I love you

very much. I want the rocks to remember us forever

I want you to know that you belong to me. And only to

me

Hearing those words of love made Jessica feel like a very

special person, like a queen. She was overcome in the joy

of knowing that she belonged to someone. Growing up as

a girl she never felt a sense of belonging to anyone as her


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parents were divorced. She never felt that she ever

belonged to her father or mother as both were never in

her life much. The divorce had robbed Jessica from

enjoying her normal childhood.

She grew up to be a very troubled young woman. Her

heart had always hungered for real love. But now it was anew experience for her to feel that she belonged to

someone: to Jeff her sweet husband. She felt loved. This

sense of belonging came as a deep comfort to her

wounded heart. She knew that Jeff loved her and she

could lean on him during the rough and tumble of life.

And rightly so, Jeff was there for her through the thick and

thin of life. He was a good man. He remained true to his

words. Jeff worked at a construction firm and did his best

to be a good father and a husband. Above all, he was a

God guy. He loved God and his family.

Now years later Jessica was looking at the same rock---the

same rock where Jeff stood once. The wind was blowing.

Memories came haunting. It stung her heart. Four years

ago Jeff had died of a heart attack while he was on his job

at a high rise building in downtown Chicago. That morning


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when he left home for work he looked fine. He kissed

Jessica and dropped the kids at school and was on his way

to work. He was so healthy Jessica never saw it coming. He

left behind two precious little children Anna and Josh.

Jessica started weeping uncontrollably looking at the rock-

--the rock of love---the rock that bore her husbands love

for her. She was very shattered at this adversity that cameon her like an avalanche.

The pain was too much for her to bear. Jessica knew and

experienced the safety and security of having had a

husbanda wonderful man, given the fact that there were

so many marriages which were breaking up. But yet to lose

that security and sense of belonging in a physical sense

with the untimely death of her husband was beyond her

endurance.

She wiped her tears and walked back. The sorrow slowly

started ebbing away as the dusk set in. In losing Jeff,

Jessica felt a hole in her heart that was gnawing at her. She

was unable to carry on with her life without her husband.

Being a widow with two children had changed her life

dramatically. As she walked back to her car that evening


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she had a strange sensation wash over her. Something she

never felt before.

Jessica had been a Christian and loved God but she never

experienced God in a deeper way. As the sun was setting

slowly and the beach was aglow in a fading orange hue,

Jessica looked up the orange sky. She suddenly felt Godwas looking at her tenderly. She never had that feeling

before but she was feeling it now.

She heard a whisper in her spirit, I am your husband and I

will never ever leave you. Jessica knew this voice was for

real and it was flooding her spirit. It dawned on her in a

profound way that God was speaking to her and declaring

to her that He was her husband now and a father to her

children. Jessica felt tremendous peace and joy fill her

heart.

She heaved a sigh of relief from all her pain in the

knowledge that she now belonged to Jesus in a profound

way. She realized God was not just the person she

worshipped at church but he was very real to her. Until

this experience she was just a nominal Christian, who went


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to church and did all the right things. But she never

experienced God in such an intimate way like now.

God was filling her with a supernatural experience. She

always knew God was there for her but never realized that

God could be her husband. The scripture from Isaiah 54

and verse 5 became very real to her, For your Maker isyour husband--the LORD Almighty is his name--the Holy

One of Israel is your Redeemer; he is called the God of all

the earth

She opened the Bible and began reading the scriptures

with a new found love. She was falling in love with every

word she was reading. The Bible became a long love letter

and as lover would read the letter she was engrossed in

reading the words. She opened her to the truth that God

was her Rock from Deuteronomy 32 and verse 4. And this

God was becoming her rock of refuge in Psalms 94 and

verse 22.

She was pouring through the scriptures and drinking the

words of God. As she thought about the physical rock

where Jeff had carved her name, she was reminded of a


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greater love: the love of God for a widowed woman. A

beautiful verse came to her mind from the book of Isaiah

49 verses 15-16, I will not forget you. See I have

engraved you on the palms of my hands: your walls are

ever before me.

Jessica fell down on her knees in the sandy beach of CapeAgulhas. This time she looked up to the heavens and cried

out, God, my Jesus, my daddy, my hubby, my love, I thank

you for loving me and reminding me how much you love

me. I thank you for engraving me on the palms of your

hands

Tears rolled down her cheeks as incredible love filled her.

In that sandy beach Jessica knew that her creator God

loved her deeply. She felt her head light and calm. The fact

that God had her name engraved on his palms lifted

Jessicas grief filled heart to a higher place of comfort. She

felt deeply loved by God. And as a mark of His love, God

was saying to Jessica:

My dear child Jessica you are my love. Look I love you so

much that I have you carved on my palm. Every time I see


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my palm I see you. Thats how much I love you. You are in

my palm. I see you all the time

From having her name carved on an earthly rock to now

seeing her name carved in the palm of Gods hand made

her feel like a royal princess.

God showered her love upon Jessica when she thought

there was no one to turn to. He wants to shower the same

love on you too. Do you know that God loves you so much

that He says, I have carved you on my palm?

Imagine that for a second. Just imagine. God, the great

almighty God, the creator of the universe, wants to carve

your name on his palm. That is astounding and profoundly

precious. People who fall in love express their love in many

ways: they buy a ring, dedicate a song, get an expensive

present, plan a surprise holiday and even carve names on

rocks and trees.

Even today if you go around the world and across all

cultures lovers are often prone to embed their love on

rocks and trees. Something primeval in the heart of every


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human being inspires them to etch their love for their

beloveds in stones and trees as a mark of lasting love.

But God the great lover, the one who loves you

unconditionally expresses his love for you today by carving

your name on his palm. Thats a show of His love. Close

your eyes and imagine for a minute that the great God ofthis universe loves you so deeply that He carves your name

on His palm. When you carve something on your body it

bleeds.

Crazy lovers do this. Out of their maddening love they hurt

themselves to show how much they love their beloveds.

Jesus is the same. He is a crazy lover. He hurt himself on

the cross. He hurt to the point that He shed blood. That

was His expression of love. I call it red blood love. Out of

this intense display of love He says, I carved your name

on my palm

Our names are our identity. We are known by our names.

Names have power to hurt us or make us happy. When

people mispronounce our names it bothers us. When our


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names are spelled wrongly it irritates us. But when our

loved one calls us by our name it delights us.

Jesus loves you. And therefore He takes your identity and

carves it on His palm. He is making sure that His love for

you is sealed----not in rocks or trees---but on His palm. This

is skin deep love, literally.

The angels look at his palm and they see imprints of love---

a dazzling display of His love for you. Now go figure how

much He loves you. You belong to Him. You are in His

palm, never to be forgotten, never to be hurt again but

loved like crazy forever.


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One womans last night on earth

THE WARM LIGHTS in the room seemed to dim a little and

brighten up again. Behind her bed was a mechanical

ventilator to assist her breathing. Tiny blips of lights were

flashing on the cardiac monitors. Marcella knew she was

going in and out of her consciousness. Her eyes looked

tired and puffy. She was listlessly gazing at the ceiling. She

wanted to stay awake. She tried. But her eyes were

closing.

Marcella you are going to make it Greg, her husband

whispered in her ears, Look we are all here. We love you

She opened her eyes weakly and stared at Greg letting him

know she heard him. She looked pale.


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Yes, mom, we love you. We want you. Dont leave us.

Tiffany, the older one was fighting her tears. Clarke, the

younger one was not aware what was going on. He was

tugging at Gregs pants. He looked confused.

Greg remained stoic and was praying silently in his heart.

Marcella was his love of many years. They both loved theLord. He didnt want to give up ona miracle for her. Gregs

older sister Arlene, standing beside him, placed her hand

on his shoulders and assured him that things would be ok.

Thanks, sis Greg said, Thanks for being with me.

It was late evening. Outside the hospital building life

seemed to be going on as usual. It was late November

thanksgiving weekend. Cold winds were drifting around in

the upstate New York. Mounds of snow were already on

the ground. Ambulance sirens were going off. Warm

halogen lights filled the Room Number 234 on the second

floor. The curtain was drawn. Marcella with great difficulty

held onto the cold, steel railing of the hospital bed which

was slightly propped up. The intravenous tubes were still

sticking to her hands.


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The room was quite except for the mild humming noise of

the air conditioner. Marcellas forehead bristled with tiny

beads of sweat. She had fever that day. Dr. Fred, the chief

surgeon walked in along with a tall nurse Amanda and

signaled Greg that he wanted to talk to him.

I believe we have done everything we could. We dont

want to promise you too much but lets hope for the

best, he said tapping gently on Gregs shoulder. Marcella

was diagnosed with a serious heart condition. Despite of a

six-hour long delicate surgery she was not showing any

signs of recovery. She was dying.

Moments later after meeting with the doctor, Greg

sauntered in, his shoulder hung low. But suddenly

something was different in the room. He could feel it. As

soon as Greg shut the door behind him he was riveted to

Marcellas face which had an unusual glow. He knew she

had fever and was in her last moments but he couldnt

believe what he saw presently. Her face looked bright and

serene. Her lips were quivering softly. Her eyes had a

warm glow. Marcella was looking up and muttering


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something. The room was engulfed in a peaceful warm

glow like heat from a fireside.

Jesus, I love you. Jesus, I love you. Jesus, I love you.

God, you are so beautiful. I praise you. I praise you. Jesus,

Jesus, Jesus.

I see the angels. They look so awesome. They are too

many in number. They are singing so beautifully. Oh, my

God, what a sight

Holy, holy, holy, holy, Jesus you are Holy. God almighty

you are holy. Blessed are you, oh Lord. Oh, thank you,

thank you.

Marcella was uttering praises non-stop.

Greg, his kids and her sister were stunned at this. They

leaned back watching and hearing something that they

were not prepared for. They knew there was something

supernatural taking place in the room.


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Marcella was seeing a glimpse of the heaven. Few people

get to have a glimpse of heaven in the last moments of

their time on earth. Marcella was having her moment and

it was glorious.

A sudden burst of strength and energy coursed through

her body. Marcella laughed out loud, as supernatural joybathed her body. There was a child like excitement on her

face.

I am seeing heaven. Its beautiful. Its beautiful. Oh, my

God. Look at those angels. Jesus, Jesus, Jesus is looking at

me. He is full of beauty. He is the one that I loved and

worshipped. Here He is Marcella was unable to stop.

The room was suddenly abuzz with a celestial atmosphere.

Marcellas body was jerking. It looked as though she was

not waiting to stay for a second on earth. She was seeing

the bright, beaming, scintillating sight of the expanse of

heaven widening before her. The sun- like lights of heaven

was zooming in on her. Her face was rippling with

pleasure. Indescribable music was echoing through her


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ears. The resplendent sight of heaven was flooding her

spirit.

Heaven, her real home, was now in front of her. She was

now being ushered into the place she always dreamed of.

It was homecoming. Finally, at last, her spirit sensed her

real home: heaven. She was in an ecstatic experience andher whole body seemed to be suffused in an unexplainable

bliss.

Greg knew his wife was a passionate lover of Jesus. In the

early years of their marriage, she had once told him,

Greg, I know you are my husband and I love you. But I

want you to know that I love someone and I am in an

affair.

What? An affair, what do you mean? he shot back, his

eyebrows raised.

Marcella laughed out loud. She walked up to Greg, sat on

his lap and looked tenderly into his eyes and said, Honey,

I mean, I am in love with Jesus. I have been having a love


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affair with Jesus from my childhood days. I love him and I

want you to know that I love Him more than you.

Is that alright?

Oh, sure, honey. I am glad I have a woman who loves

Jesus. That was Marcella. She had a humor. She wasdeeply in love with Jesus from her childhood days. Even as

a child she would talk to God like He was sitting next to

her. In her teenage years when other girls were falling in

love with boys she was falling in love with God and writing

love poems to God. Her journal contained letters like this,

short, terse love letters:

March 15, 1984

Dear God, this morning I am having a feast for my eyes

watching the flowers in my garden. I see the daisies and

the daffodils. I read that daisy means innocence, loyal love

purity. I read daffodils mean unrequited love. I declare to

you: You are my Daisy. You are my Daffodil. I love you so

much. Your young love, Marcella.


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June, 12, 1985

Dear Love (my sweet God), I am at the Grand Canyon

today visiting. I see the distant ridges of the mountains.

The rocks are gleaming in pink, purple, blue and yellow.

What can I say? They look so stunning and gorgeous. I wish

I can spend all my time here gazing at this spectacular

sight with you. The canyons are awesome but you my

LOVE, my God the Creator of Canyon; you look all the more

gorgeous. Sit with me. Hold me tight. I love you.

Warm love, Marcella.

February 05, 1986

Dear God, I am too lovesick for you today. I dont wantto

go to school. I want to run away with you. Come please

take me somewhere, someplace I just want to be with

you. Panting for you God, Love, Marcella.


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March 11, 1986

Dear God, Its my birthday today. I am turning sixteen.

Everybody says it is sweet sixteen. Are you happy with

me? Do you love me? I just want to please you. I dont

need any boyfriend. I just need you. You are my love.

Please kiss me. I want your kisses and hugs. Your love,

Marcella

April 18, 1986

Dear God, It is 11 pm. I am tired. I want to sleep. Heres

my hug for you. I love you, Marcella

Such were the words of love that Marcella was writing in

her journal. Greg knew Marcella loved Jesus but never

knew how deeply she loved Him. Her love for Jesus was

deep as an ocean. Deep down in her heart she knew Jesus

was her abiding passion. In the many years of their

missionary life in Mexico when adversities hit their lives, it

was Marcellas strong love for Jesus that kept them going.


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Marcella used to talk about heaven a lot. She wanted to go

there. She loved the Lord so deeply that her heart

hungered for his presence in a very literal sense. It was like

being homesick. Heaven was her home and she always had

seasons of profound homesickness for heaven.

The kids in the room knew that their mom was seeingsomething. Greg looked at them and was speechless.

There was both sorrow and joy mingled in that room.

I can hear the angels singing. Oh, it is so glorious. There

are innumerable angels. They are swarming all over. Praise

you Jesus. Praise you Lord. Praise you Father.

Marcellas eyes looked moist, and tears were rolling off

her cheeks. She was conscious of her experience.

There He is. My Lord, my savior, my redeemer, my love.

His face is a like a thousand sun, bright and glorious. His

eyes penetratingly powerful yet tender in its welcome. I

praise you. I praise you


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He is truly the lily of the valley, the rose of Sharon, the

bright morning star, the fairest of ten thousandI cannot

describe Him.

At last my home, my sweet home, at last my Father, my

heavenly Father, I am so happy. I am so happy

Come, my sweet Lord. Take me home. Take me in your

arms.

There was a soft glow on Marcellas face, a heavenly glow.

She looked peaceful as she closed her eyes, her lips softly

movingthen it stopped.

This time she never woke up.

She was home in heaven.


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A day in the life of my heart

HOW OFTEN and how easily life gets boring when you

least expect it.

Have you had those moments?

You wake up. The alarm shrills. Groggy eyed you turn over

in your bed, smack that snooze button, pull the sheet over

your face, and bury your head deep in the pillow and

descend into your fantasy land. Some believe sleep is a

temporary heaven, an escape hatch to a make-believe

world. You feel like you want to sleep some more when

you think of the days demands. But this relief last only for

a while. You have to wake up and face the harsh realities

of the real world.


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I woke up that way this morning: blood shot eyes, limp

bodied and saggy souled. I dragged myself to the shower.

My head was buzzing in monotony as warm water

cascaded down my body. I wanted to be happy. I wanted

to wake up with something to look forward to. But oh, the

warmth of my bed kept me from my pursuit. Instead of me

hugging my bed, I felt the bed was hugging me. My mindwas convincing me to sleep some more while my body lay

there obedient to my mind.

I confess I slept more than usual. I slept away to escape my

emptiness. I was empty inside of my heart. In the course of

life people oftentimes say, rest well you will feel fine I

did rest and slept full but the emptiness was not going

away.

Once I was done with my morning ablutions I got into my

Toyota Corolla and drove to the nearest Starbucks Coffee

on Eisenhower Avenue. The morning sun was draped in an

orange hue. I thought maybe a cup of steaming Colombian

light roast coffee would wake me from the slumber land of

my soul. The coffee was slightly bitter and being an Indian

I was used to cream and sugar. I kept spilling sugar packets


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after sugar into the cup until the coffee turned cold and

syrupy sweet. Oh, well, heck with the coffee I drank it

anyway. I saw people sticking their head into newspapers

and magazines with the coffee steam rising from the cups

in wistful wisps. An old man with a scraggly beard wearing

an Eddie Bauer sweater was resting on a comfy lounge

chair sipping his Coffee Mocha. A 20-something guy in amaroon sweatshirt was flicking through his Android cell

phone. Their faces looked lost and somber.

Coffee didnt do well for my soul. My empty heart was

screaming at me. I am empty, empty, do something.

Dont you have those moments when you are doing

something you believe is making you happy but your heart

is still protesting, I am empty. Look at me. I am empty

You looked at the mirror today. You saw your face and

smiled to yourself. You tilted your head sideways to see

how nice you looked in that pose. But something inside of

you is still harrowingly empty. Maybe you bought a nice

dress---an expensive one. You were in that sauna. You

rode that bike. You wore that nice ear rings. You bought


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that leather jacket. You got yourself a new smart phone

one that has all the bells and whistles and tons of apps.

But after a while, the phone lost its novelty. You hardly

look at it. Or you logged into Face book feverishly hoping

that someone left a comment. The red pointer excites but

its just a like. A one line comment, nothing more. You

see your friend list has increased. You try again after anhour, around noon, evening, night, the sky blue Face book

screen stares at you. But your heart is dull like a placid

lake.

You have more online friends and just logged out from a

chat but you are still empty.

The heart has a way of escaping from us. It remains

unsatisfied no matter how much we accomplish. It often

retreats into loneliness. It never seems to come alive

despite our frenetic pace of life.

David Foster Wallace writes: We're all lonely for

something we don't know we're lonely for. How else to

explain the curious feeling that goes around feeling like

missing somebody we've never even met?


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The body is a house of many windows: there we all sit,

showing ourselves and crying on the passers-by to come

and love us. says the poet Robert Louis Stevenson

The American philosopher Eric Hoffer writes: Our

greatest pretenses are built up not to hide the evil and the

ugly in us, but our emptiness. The hardest thing to hide issomething that is not there.

Back to my day, after the coffee break, I did the next thing

most do: I went to the mall near Southdale on France

Avenue. I jaywalked all over the gleaming mall, my eyes

feasting on every shiny store: the Abercrombie, the

American apparel, the Macys, the Sears and Eddie Bauer.

Bored, I took the elevator only to be sidetracked by the

Apple store. I walk in, fidget with the latest Macs, handle

the iPhone one more time and the store manager walks by

me. Can I help you with something he asks, I am fine I

reply. I know I am not fine. My heart again screams, I am

empty. Macs are not enough. iPhones are not enough. Do

something. I ignore my hearts cry and walk out

nonchalant.


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We all do this. We ignore our hearts cry. Gerald May in his

book The Awakened Heartdescribes it like this: When the

desire is too much to bear, we often bury it beneath

frenzied thoughts and activities or escape it by dulling our

immediate consciousness of living. It is possible to run

away from the desire for years, even decades, at a time,

but we cannot eradicate it entirely. It keeps touching us inlittle glimpses and hints in our dreams, our hopes, and our

unguarded moments

This time I scan the vast lounge space of the mall making

sure I visited all those shops. I look around and the food

court comes into my view. My belly screams, Now go eat

your heart out, it may satisfy your heart. So I take the

elevator up, and stand in line at the Subway. Half way

after my line moves, I change my mind and head to the

Lean Chinese counter. I pick up the chicken fried rice,

wontons, fresh veggies, potato salad and a large sprite. I

make my way in the busy crowd, and after I am done binge

eating, I gulp my large sprite. The drink washes down my

throat with a temporary feeling of respite. I walk out. I

think I am full and tell myself, Well, you now had a happy

meal, you should be fine But my heart is not fine.


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It is still empty. The food hasnt done anything to ease the

emptiness. We eat. We binge eat. We attempt to fill the

hunger of our heart with the food that only fills our

stomach. Doesnt the Bible say man shall not live by bread

alone but by every word of God?

With a full stomach, I hustle my way out of the busy mallto the parking lot. My car is parked at the west entrance

and I am at the south entrance. In my confusion I had

walked out the wrong entrance. But oh well, I take a walk

around the sidewalk. Some time to myself I mutter. Half

way I walk and my dreaded slumbering heart, still awake,

rises into my mind. I can almost feel my heart in my frontal

lobe of the brain and peeking down at me from the

forehead, Hey, I am still empty. I am empty. Do

something. You fed your body but you left me hungry

I think I had a forehead attack. I was done this time. I could

not get myself to be happy and make my heart full. I

wondered to myself, have I not done the right things,

normal things that people always do. Dont people eat,

drink, have coffee, dress, drive a car, go to mall, eat


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Chinese meal and do window shopping? Why am I so

empty? Why is my heart so empty?

Why is the food, clothing, shelter, dress, coffee, mall, cell

phone, trinkets not making me happy? Why is this gnawing

emptiness tormenting me? From where is this fog of

frustration coming from? Why does my heart vent somuch of vexation?

Why is my soul so unhappy? I am looking at my heart and

soul as the embodiment of my real self---my inner self. The

real me. We all have our outer man and our inner man.

The outer man wants to dress well, eat well, drink full, buy

the best gadget and shop till it drops.

But how do we feed our inner man, how do we dress our

inner man, what outfit can we buy to clothe our real self.

What drinks can you buy to satiate the inner thirst? How

can we tend to our inner man? The inner man (or woman)

is our real self. The real you, is inside of you.

The world sees us happy outside but our heart says we are

not. At least my heart did.


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Remember what King Solomon said in the book of

Ecclesiastes, Everything under the sun is vanity and

vexation of spirit That was so true. Solomon had it all.

Wine, women and wealth but the man felt woefully

empty. He had it all? Empty still. He cries out in

Ecclesiastes, All is vanity and vexation of the spirit

After I came home I threw myself on the couch. I so

desperately wanted to feel full and alive in my heart. I

turned on the television hoping to distract myself but it

didnt help. After flipping channel after channel my mind

was vexed. As I stretched myself on the sofa despaired and

worn out, I saw my black King James Bible. It was half open

and sitting on my corner table next to Mitch Alboms book

The Five People You Meet in Heaven. I opened the Bible

hesitatingly. And my eyes locked onto this verse from the

book of Psalms 27 verse 4.

One thing have I desired of the LORD, that will I seek

after; that I may dwell in the house of the LORD all the

days of my life, to behold the beauty of the LORD, and to

enquire in his temple.


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One thing have I desired of the LORD. I began to think of

that phrase. One thing have I desired. Ive read Bible

many times but always in the passing. This time something

drew me deep into the sacred text. Just holding the Bible

in my hand gave me a different feeling.

The verse read, One thing have I desired

One thing. One thing

We live in a world of choices. We have so many desires for

so many things. We wish for so many perishable things.

We cry for so many things. We get it, stash it, wear it, feel

it and do everything with it. But the next day the thing we

cried has lost its attraction. We are frustrated.

Even nice things can be idolatrous if it replaces God in our

life.

King David says, One thing... I soon cried out to God.

God I want the one thing: my one desire


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Take my vain desires. Burn them. Just give me a desire for

you. Just you

I cried out to God asking that He may fill me with a desire

for Him. I was sick and tired of all that I was doing:

working, working, working, running from appointment to

appointment and buying things I didnt need. I wasentangled in a web of despair.

I remember reading from Readers Digesta story of a

beauty queen who was judged the best looking woman of

that city. After she wore her diamond tiara the crowds

went berserk looking at her. She came home that night,

the gleam still in her eyes. But few knew that she was a

believer in God. Her house was close to the beach. The

next morning heavy with yesterdays madness she sat

quietly near the shore, looked deep into the blue expanse

of the sea, then looked up at the clear sky and cried. God

I feel so empty. Take me away to you. I just want to look

beautiful only to you. I am tired of flashing my skin to this

world.


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That day she turned down all the offers that came her

way. Rather than choosing a life of fame and fortune she

picked up her Bible and decided to follow Jesus. She

found the life she was looking for in God.

The verse further goes onto say, that I may dwell in the

house of the LORD all the days of my life...

King David was hungering after the house of the Lord and

for the presence of the Lord. The Old Testament saints

went to a physical place of sanctuary to seek the presence

of God. In the New Testament, we are the temple of God.

His presence is in us. He seeks to dwell in us.

Are we hungry for His presence? Are you hungry for His

presence? Do you deeply desire for His presence?

Is your one desire to hunger after His house, His presence?

I gave up my desire to waste my life in the vain pursuits of

life. For many of us it is very easy and tempting to be

swept away in the distractions of this world. To go to a

mall, to window shop, to buy stuff we dont need.


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We can be so easily misled by the nice things of life. Our

idols may not be necessarily made of rocks and woods.

Our idols are materialism, the love of stuff, the love of

food, clothing, trinkets, and greed and so on. You know

your idol: your laptop, your iPod, your Facebook, your

twitter, your cell phone. It is these which robs all your time

and demands all your attention. You have no time foryourself and neither for God. You are lost in the niceties of

life. You are doing things for God but you are not with

God. God doesnt need your things, your programs, and

your ministry. He wants you. He wants you to drop all

those so-called nice and churchy things and come away to

a quiet place with Him. He wants to talk to you but the

noise in your life is drowning out His voice.

Oh, how I long for His presence. King David goes on to say,

not just one day, but all the days of my life This earthly

king was longing to be at the house of the heavenly king all

the days of his life. That tells me, King David, despite his

pompous palatial accoutrements, knew the secret of life: It

is not in the million dollar house, the swimming pool

attached villa, and tree lined sidewalk or the comfy


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surroundings that we necessarily feel happy. Its in the

presence of God.

Happiness is not in a fancy house or a fancy church. Its not

in the mood lightings or in the plush cushions. You can sit

all you want in a crystal cathedral and still feel a harrowing

emptiness. Without God you are an empty man, an emptywoman. The French philosopher Blaise Pascal said it long

time ago, Every human being has a God-shaped void in

their heart and only a God can fill it and nothing else.

My soul learnt a lesson. Seek the presence of God. Seek

the manifest presence of God.

Elsewhere in the book of Psalms, King David says, In his

presence there is fullness of joy and at his right hand are

pleasures evermore. Wow, did you read that. There is joy

and pleasure in his presence. We are fooling ourselves

with the things of this world, thinking well be happy but,

oh how misleading that is.

C. S. Lewis, the great Irish Christian and author says this,

We are half-hearted creatures, fooling about with drink


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and sex and ambition when infinite joy is offered us, like

an ignorant child who wants to go on making mud pies in a

slum because he cannot imagine what is meant by the

offer of a holiday at the sea. We are far too easily

pleased.

We are far too easily pleased, thats our tragedy. We areeasily pleased with the paraphernalias of this world. Are

you easily pleased with this world?

I am not finished yet. Lets go back to the verse. King David

begins with one desire, says he wants to dwell in the

house of the Lord. And its not for one day. He wants to

dwell all the days of his life.

Think of that. All the days of his life? How does one have a

desire to be in the house of the Lord all the days of his life?

Not one day, but all the days of life.

I discovered a truth here. Its not enough to get up one

day, read Bible, pray and assume we are going to be fine

the rest of the week. We ought to desire the presence of

the Lord every day of our life. Now, thats not easy for the


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nice believer, the good believer who goes to church,

tithes, goes on a mission trip and lives his life normally. For

someone to seek the presence of God all their life would

mean one has to go beyond Churchianity. One has to go

beyond religion.

Coming to Christ is a love affair. Its a romance. The onething a lover longs when he or she is with their loved one

is: time. The ten minute phone chat is not enough. The

half hour, no way. One hour, nope. The lovers want to be

on the phone for hours. Jake, a friend of mine once told

me that in the beginning of his courtship with Jill he never

wanted to hang up the phone. Just hearing Jills voice was

making me happy. We talked for hours into the night. We

never cared what we talked. It was gibberish, meant

nothing, but the sweet nothings was what we wanted

Only lovers dont care about time. For the lovers the day is

not twenty fours. It is any amount of hours they want to

make it. King David was a lover of God. He was looking

forward to a lifetime of romance with God. He is like,

Forget me being a king. I am in love with the king of


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Kings. My God. I want to be there in His presence all the

time. I mean all the time

Nobody can put in words what King Davids thinking was

but we do know that the psalms he wrote reveal his lovers

heart for God.

I learnt my lesson. If I were to make my heart full: I have to

go to the presence of God.

Finally David cries out his overriding desire for the

presence of the Lord and for the house of the Lord. His

overriding desire was to gaze upon the beauty of the Lord

and to seek Him again and again.

To gaze upon the beauty of the Lord. What a desire?

We go to church for many reasons. Often for good

reasons: to be an usher, to be in the choir, to help out in

childrens ministry, to sing songs, to worship, to hear a

sermon, to fellowship. All these are good but King David is

pointing us to a deeper reason. He wants us to go to

church to gaze upon the beauty of the Lord.


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I hope we go to church for gazing at the Lord not the

preacher, not the choir, not the people, but the Lord. Our

gaze has to be God. In gazing at His beauty our hearts will

feel full.

The church today has become a place where people go formany things and forget the most important thing: gazing

at the Lord.

We ought to be God gazers, gazing at his beauty. Dont

some faces make you happy? Are you not distracted by a

pretty face? Pretty faces draw our attention. But think of

this. The prettiest face of all is the face of God. My pen will

run dry if I start describing His face. The Bible gives us a

little glimpse into His face. His head and hair were white

like wool, as white as snow, and his eyes were like blazing

fire reads Revelation 19: 12. Just reading that gives me

goose bumps. Let me rest here and take some time to gaze

at my Jesus. In looking at His face my heart feels happy. In

beholding His face my soul feels content. In gazing at His

face my heart feels pleasure. I rather look away into His

face and do nothing for I am love sick for my Lord.


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Why dont you go now and take some to gaze at His face.

Into the face of your eternal lover. Grab that Bible, hold it

to your chest, kiss it and tell the Lord, I want to just sit in

your presence and look at you. Just keep looking at you,

thats all. Oh, I believe He is ever ready to show us His

face.


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Talking to God in the train

IT WAS RUSH HOUR traffic when my friend dropped me at

Egmore, the old railway station in Chennai, south India.

The road was chaotic with cars, scooters, buses and

bicycles sharing the road. The broad entrance to the

railway platform was littered with people, dogs, vendors

and naked children playing around.

I was sweating when I reached platform number 8 where

the night train to Bangalore slowly trundled to a halt with

a mild squeal. It was 10 pm when I finally boarded the

fourth car from the engine. I quickly made my way to seat

number 8 near the window, stashed my duffel bag under

the chair, and leaned back.

There were others who were adjusting their bags and

suitcases in the berth area above me. Since it was a night

train, and it was almost 10 pm, many climbed into their


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sleeper berths and were preparing for a good night of

sleep.

The ceiling light was still on. The ticket master checked my

tickets, crossed out my name on his pad and walked away

to the next compartment via the vestibule that connected

each train cars. The train started moving and slowly pickedup speed as it cleared the path from the station. It was

now gathering speed with a rattling noise under my chair.

The train whistled loud and rolled into the night like a

juggernaut. From my window I saw the city with its

twinkling lights whiz past like a flash. The trees, farmlands,

distant shacks and lampposts vanished as the train hurtled

into the dark.

Inside the boxcar, the lights gradually dimmed and I was to

myself. I couldnt sleep. I had too many things on my

mind. The train clacked and creaked as it wound through

the country side. I stretched my legs, pulled my sheet up

to my chest and let my mind drift off to the days events.

It was Christmas season. I had a lot on my mind. I started

talking to God. It was a quaint pleasure to talk to God in


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the night. For a moment I felt I had God to myself.

Although God was everywhere and with everyone I didnt

care about that much. For me I felt a little obsessive and

possessive of God. I wanted him just for myself, at least for

tonight, on a train.

So I cleared my throat:

Dear God, are you in this train. I know you are there.

You are with me, arent you?

How I wish I saw you face to face

In my spirit I heard God reply, Yes, I am here. I am with

you. Do you hear the sound of your heartbeat?

Let me check. I placed my hand on my chest and felt the

mild lub-dub, lub-dub, lub-dub

I make your heart beat. I am inside of you.


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Oh, thank you God. Thank you. Thank you for moving

inside of me

I laughed to myself. God moved inside of me. He lives

inside of me. I was his home. How to believe this? Is this a

joke? Was I silly? No, God is inside of me. I then

remembered a Bible verse Isaiah 57: 15

For thus says the One who is high and lifted up, who

inhabits eternity, whose name is Holy: "I dwell in the high

and holy place, and also with him who is of a contrite and

lowly spirit, to revive the spirit of the lowly, and to revive

the heart of the contrite.

Why do you like me, God? I asked

No, I dont just like you. I love you.

Really?

Yes

How much do you love me?


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I love you a lot. I love you deeply

I love you as deep as the ocean and as wide as the sea

I love you limitless

For a moment I took a deep breath and thought of what

he just said.

He loves me. He loves me deeply

He loves me limitlesslimitlesslimitless. Wow

But why do you love me so much I asked

I love you because I love you. I love you because you are

lovely

Do you know you are lovely to God? I dont care what

others say about you. And I wish you dont care either

what others say about you. You are lovely. You are lovely

to God. You are lovely to the one who is altogether lovely.


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Think of this, God is the most beautiful being in this

universe. And to Him you and I are looking lovely. What

more do I need? What more do you want?

God went on: I saw you when you were just a tiny little

blob in your mommas womb

I watched as I formed your fingers, your toes, your cute

eyes, your lips, your face, and your legs

Even before you belonged to your daddy and mommy,

you belonged to me

I became your daddy. I am your heavenly daddy.

I leaned my head back overcome with emotion. Thank

you so much God for being my daddy in heaven

God then whispered something more into my heart. I

knew Christmas was a busy season of time and festivity for

many Christians. There were decorations, stars, Christmas

tree and Christmas gifts passed around. None of that


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interested me a lot as much as watching the tiny baby

Jesus in a manger in the nativity scene.

I wanted to know why God would become as tiny as a

baby and be born in this world.

By now the train was rolling into a tunnel. People weresnoring in their beds. The window was shut tight. I had all

the time in the world to hear what God had to say.

Do you ever make time for God? I hope you make some

time. Just for you and God. So that you can hear all that He

has to say to you. I tell you its worth making that time for

God. Just get off that computer, that TV, that game you

are playing, that gadget you are toying with it. Just get off

your worry. Just get quiet, go to a room, and lock yourself

away from distraction, especially your cell phone. You will

hear him. God talks.

I asked God again some more things:

Why did you come into this world as a baby, God? I

asked in deep curiosity.


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God replied, I wanted to show everyone that I was not

just a force, a power, a being far away from humans. I

wanted them to feel me in flesh and blood. I wanted to

express my love not just in words but in action. I wanted

my creation, my people to know that I feel what they feel

and ache the way they ache. I wanted to make a way foreveryone to come to heaven by dying for them

In deep gratitude I nodded to God a big thank you. I thank

you for dying for me. I thank you for making a way for me

to come to heaven. I thank you for washing my sins. I

thank you for drawing me back to you. I thank for this

Christmas. I dont care about Christmas candies, balloons,

decorations, Christmas tree or any other stuff. I only care

about you. You are my best gift

It was midnight now. My eyes felt heavy and sleepy. But I

didnt want to sleep. I felt nice talking to God. I had one

more thing----though I had several----to ask God.

I wanted God to give me a hug. I thought to myself if God

were to hug me, I would disappear into His big body. Can


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you believe my conversations with God? Here I am talking

to a being that created heaven and earth. And He is so big.

No one can size him up. Yet in my human naivet I was

asking for a hug, a big bear hug.

God must have laughed at me or did he giggle hearing my

request. I learnt something here: if human parentsreached out and hugged their kids how much more our

heavenly father would.

God hugs. But you have to ask him. If you love him, you

will want him. You will want his hug. When He hugs, you

will feel his affection wash over you.

I felt the hug of God. I felt a warm love cover me. I felt a

pleasant delight wash over me. I sensed God throw his big

arms of love around me and draw my fragile body into His

loving embrace.

I slept tight that night with God next to me.

What a night.


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Memory of a different Christmas

AS USUAL THE DAY was hectic and work at the office was

piled up but I gave myself a break and came home early.

The road to Cedarville town was lit up with blue, yellow

and red Christmas lights. I was driving my 97 Green

Cherokee.

Thoughts were floating in my head. There were thoughts

that made me happy and there were thoughts that made

me sad. It was one of those days when my heart sensed a

cavernous emptiness despite the niceties that surrounded

me: a good job, a modest house, and a nice family.

The day was tiring. I had a lot of phone calls to return at

the Crimson Investors Company where I worked. After I

reached home, I threw my bag on the kitchen table and


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slumped on my burgundy sofa. Mark, my husband was out

of town and my two daughters were still at school.

The phone rang. I lazily got up to pick the call but for a

passing moment I was drawn to a black swallowtail

butterfly that hopped from the perennial fountain grass

outside the window. The butterfly was giddily hoppingevery few seconds.

Oh, butterfly you are so free, no care, no worry, hop on

baby

You spread your wings of color no matter what the

season is

Some old lines of poetry were flitting through my mind. It

was late evening and the last rays of the sun were

receding into the orange sky. I picked up the black cortelco

desk phone receiver, a 80s antique landline phone.

Hey Giselle, what ya doing. How are you, girl? Its been a

long time seeing you Andrea my longtime friend from San

Jose surprised me, her voice eager to know what I was up


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to in life. It was one of those calls you dont expect but it

comes just when you need a word of encouragement from

someone. Some call it coincidence, some believe God

orchestrates. I felt God was behind that call.

I am ok girl. I have not been feeling good. You know, of

late I have been thinking of my daddy a lot. He is not withme. You know that. I got the Christmas tree last week. My

girls are excited decorating it. But I feel my daddys

absence very much

Oh, oh, I feel for ya. Just be grateful to God for the

wonderful memories Giselle. You may not have your dad

but you have his memories. Think of the good memories.

Think of the good times. Memories dont die. Andrea

offered her encouragement.

Yea

I will

Thank you, girl

We talked for a while. Andrea was one of my childhood

friends. We played together in the school. I hung up the


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phone and walked over to the kitchen and prepared a cup

of steaming Chinese green tea.

I cupped my hands around the warm cup, headed to my

favorite porch, drew my blanket over my legs and let my

mind wander back to my childhood.

I was seven wearing a navy blue taffeta dress and I was

daddys girl. One August evening I was standing near the

front door, clutching my red teddy bear, while momma

was busy in the kitchen preparing dinner. Daddy will be

back home soon honey. Look for his car

Ok mommy

I knew my daddys car. It was black in color. I didnt know

what make it was. I was only seven. I thought every black

car that passed by had my daddy.

Whenever a black car would pass by and not stop I would

cry. I wondered why daddy was not stopping and coming

home. I was very fond of my dad. I loved the way he would

look into my eyes. I felt love. I felt secured. I felt his strong


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hands lift me, hold me and hug me. I was his princess. I

wish every girl had a dad like my dad.

But then the car came, daddy walked out, and saw me at a

distance. He knew from the corner of his eye that I was

standing at the door. I pushed the door and daddy walked

in and grabbed me into his arms.

Oh, my darling, my princess

Waiting for me

I love you, my sweetie

Daddys words of endearment poured into my little spirit

making me incredibly happy. To have my dad affirm me so

deeply meant a world to me. Even today, if anybody says

anything hurting to me, I think of my dad and cry. For he

loved me so much and never was harsh; I would remind

myself and relive all the wonderful words that he left deep

in my spirit.


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I remember a time that forever makes me feel beautiful. I

was five, and mom had bought me a pretty princess dress;

a winter belle dress made of red and white crushed velvet

with a bit of stretch. I wore my tiara and ran down the

hallway, my heart fluttering.

Am I pretty daddy?

Am I pretty?

I looked at my daddys face: the only man who could make

or break my heart at this stage of my life. My spirit was

five years old and very tender. Ever think of it girls? Ever

think of it men? The heart of a woman is tender and the

heart of a little girl is brittle, soft, glassy, will break if not

handled with care.

My daddys eye got bigger and bigger, delight flushing his

face. He bent down, took my hands, brought his face

towards my face, his eyes brimming with utter delight

looking straight into mine and said with all the love he can

muster.


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You are beautiful. You are beautiful. And I love you

Mia bella faccia

My daddys sonorous Italian voice was like icing on the

cake. Oh, those words, oh those eyes, my spirit drank into

it. It stays with me even today. I miss my daddy.

But a turn of events turned my world upside down. It all

happened one morning in May. I was 16 and was in

college, a freshman at Dartmouth College. The phone call

came: not a pleasant one. My elder brother Nathan,

shaking in his voice announced to me that my dad had a

stroke and was in the hospital. His left body is paralyzed;

he is not talking at all.

I left the next day to my hometown, went straight to the

hospital and saw my dad lying there: the man who

helped me grow into a beautiful woman.

Daddy, this is Giselle I held his hands. He felt nothing. It

was numb. His body had taken the toll of a rare heart

condition combined with brain related illness. The


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diagnosis was not good. Doctors had given only a few

weeks. I held his hands again calling, Daddy, daddy, I am

here. I love you His eyes were partly opened. His face

looked dull. I looked at him with all the love I could

muster. My daddy didnt speak much. He was motionless.

But I stayed that night at the hospital and continued thewhole week there. It was Sunday morning when things

were going downhill, perhaps his time came to leave all of

us. I called again, Daddy, daddy, please look at me There

was no motion, no response whatsoever. But I failed to

notice something---how could I have not seen this---every

time I called daddy, there was a mild twitch in his eyes. I

saw a tear drop. I felt he heard me. He couldnt say

anything but he responded with a tear. I placed my hands

on the side of his face, felt his moist, warm tear. It was a

tear of love. I wiped it and cried. All that remained with me

was his tears drying in my hands: the last remnant of his

love.

My daddy was gone.


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I am 30-years-old today, and its Christmas season. I cannot

celebrate Christmas without being grateful for a father I

had. My Christmas trinkets and celebrations have taken a

new meaning: my earthly father showed me another

father, my heavenly father: God, who loves us deeply. I

have a new found relationship with God as my father. I

now call him daddy. God is now my daddy. I know myheavenly father thinks I am beautiful. I feel it. Do you ever

feel that way? Have you ever looked up heavenwards and

called out to your daddy God.

But why did my father love me so much. Why, you may

ask? And perhaps wonder why I am so reminiscent of my

father. What was this love? I have not told you yet why my

heart felt so heavy when I first came home driving from

my office.

After I placed the tea cup on the porch table, I cupped my

face in my hands; my left side of the face was still sore,

rough and reminded me why I was loved so deep.

You see, I was in a fire accident when I was 10 and I

suffered severe burn injuries all over my body including


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my face. My left side of the face bore the brunt of the fire.

Flames licked my once soft skin on my left side. The fire

robbed my face of its beauty. I felt crushed. But my father

cared for me through all this.

I felt I didnt look beautiful anymore. But my father loved

me. Even though my face never looked the same, myfather loved me. Even though my skin was not soft again,

my father loved me. Even though I felt unlovable, my

father loved me. Even though at nights I would cry myself

to depression, my father loved me through it all.

To my father I was a princess. And my heavenly father

Jesus thinks the same about me. He says, I am His

princess. I cant wait to run into his arms.


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Life is not fair but God is good

HOW SHOULD I describe what I am going through?

I believe in God. I believe He is there. And yet those

moments---that dark, dreary, depressing moments that

unanticipated news---strikes me again. Then I am flat out

worn out.

Just last week I was happy but I am sad again. Sad because

there are many things I wish it happens for me the way I

intend it to be. But it never happens. I pray, I wait and yet

the cloud of uncertainty will not clear. I am disappointed

again. Have you ever felt that way? You are happy one

day but sad again. Happiness never seems to stay for too

long. Its like a bird, at the slightest disturbance it flies

off. A mild, temporary disturbance in life shoos happiness

out. You are full of hope and yet disappointment strikes


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and you are left stranded in your life. Things start shaking

in your life.

Are you always happy? Are you always experiencing giddy

excitement? Is real life like that? I am not sure. If you think

you are always excited you are a superhuman. You are

made of steel.

But I am not like that. I am made of flesh and bone. They

are weak. They brake easily. I know some f you can relate

with me here. We are made of clay. Drop a clay pot on the

ground and watch how it breaks into smithereens. There

are moments of mountaintop experience but then the

dreaded valley of sadness comes again. Life does not

always turn out the way we expected. The unexpected

curves and bends on the road of my life surprise us. It

catches us unaware testing our resolve to overcome the

obstacle in front of us.

The cycle of happiness and sadness marks our life. It hits

us in our vulnerable spots. It cuts our heart leaving a

gaping wound that pains us deep.


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We are human; we dont do well when the foundations of

our life start shaking. I remember the prophet Elijah

running away from Jezebel out of fear. The mighty prophet

Elijah walked with God, witnessed the miracle working

power of God and yet, that one threatening scare from

Jezebel shook him and he ran in fear. Is it possible that we

could walk with God, experience the power of God andyet, in the unexpected troubling times of our life we would

run in fear? The book of James chapter 5 and verse 7 says,

Elijah was a man as human as we are

It maybe that when we are brought to the lowest point of

our life, when everything we hoped for and prayed for

never seems to happen, we are brought to the finality of

life and to the feet of God. So how should we live when we

dont see or hear God?

Just trust His heart.

Just trust the heart of God. Just believe that God is good

even though it doesnt seem to be right now. We have to

only rely on the character of God. And the character of

God is good. He is a good God. Yes, He may hide himself


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away from us leaving us frantically groping for Him in the

darkness but He will not let us be swallowed by the

darkness.

He comes in the appointed time. And no man knows when

that is. I am resting myself in the belief that God is good. I

have hopped on a train not knowing where it is headingbut I know the driver is good. He wont derail the train of

my life.

God is the pilot of my life. When I am in a cloud of

darkness I know my pilot will fly me home safe. He will

either fly me home down or home heaven. But I know He

will fly me safe.

I want to reach a point in life where I can say with Job

according to Job chapter 13 and verse 15, Even though he

slays me yet will I trust Him. I want to be like Shadrach,

Meshach and Abednego who in the face of a fiery furnace

refused to give up on the true God.

If God slays us He will resurrect us. Whatever God kills He

can make it come alive. He is the author and finisher of our


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life. Whatever seems to be dying in our life God can

resurrect it. If our hope is dead, God can resurrect it. If

our dreams are dead, God can resurrect it.

Our God is a God of resurrection. No wonder the apostle

Paul said in the book of Philippians chapter 3 and verse 10,

That I may know Him and the power of His resurrection

So there you have it: life is not fair but God is good and the

power of His resurrection will make all things new.


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Happy Birthday God

The year 2010 was the hardest year for God. So I thought

at least in America.

But I was wrong. It was the year God laughed a lot. He was

quite ready for the celebration of His birthday. Heaven

prepared a big bash. The party was going to rock the

universe.

Angels have lit the candles and the glow spreads across

the heavens. The music, forget it, I cannot explain the

melody, it escapes my description. I can only imagine the

sound in heaven. Think of your favorite music and think of

heaven.

Written across the vast universe, "Happy Birthday God"


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Birth date on earth: December 25, 2010

Name of the person: Jesus Christ

Status: The God in flesh.

I know it sounds ridiculous to say God was born. Howcould that be? Isnt God always in existence, no birth, no

death? Yes that is true, but God chose to be born on earth

to show humankind His presence in flesh and blood. He

was born in the person of Jesus Christ. Every religion keeps

God out there in the remote post of the universe, only in

Christianity God condescends to the human level so that

man may come to know who He is. Thats the mystery and

paradox of Christianity.

This year there were many attacks against God. It isnt that

atheists did not attack the idea of Gods existence in the

past but the pace and race of atheists this year was

excessive. This year witnessed too many books and too

many lectures against Gods existence. From Richard

Dawkins, The God Delusion, to Christopher Hitchens, God

is not great, to Sam Harris The end of faith and the latest


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by the famed scientist Stephen Hawking, The Grand

Universe.

All these men and others have struggled a lot to rule out

the existence of God, and have scoffed at the idea of a

God existing let alone being born on earth. What insanity

it must be to conceive of God being born? So theythought. Oh, but how wrong they were.

Dawkins thinks we are deluded; we are misled into belief

in God. He wants proof. But mister Dawkins there are so

many things in life that cannot be proved. For instance

prove us that you have a mind. You think and you have a

mind? Do you see your mind? We can see the brain but

where is the mind? It exists although we cannot see it.

To not to believe in God is to be deluded. Our life goes on

with so many things that are unseen and yet we live by

faith. We sleep in the night in the hope that we would

wake up in the morning. Its an act of faith to close your

eyes and be gone into sleep and arise in the morning. We

hope to be awake. We drive hoping we wont be in an

accident. We fly in airplanes without questioning the pilot


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hoping he will fly us safe. We marry hoping our marriages

would turn out the way we hoped. If we began to take

stock of evidences and proofs life cannot go on. There are

many things in life that has to be taken by faith.

Hitchens says God is not great. He is obsessed with God

not being great. He hasnt gone out much to see thegreatness of this universe and ponder the greatness of the

creator God. Hitchens comes across as a bitter man, he

hates God. Sorry Hitchens, by hating God you only lose.

Harris thinks faith has ended, but he has no clue---maybe

he has but doesn't admit---that faith in religion is growing

worldwide at an alarming rate. The common man believes

in God.

Hawking the brilliant scientist posits that the grand design

of the universe precludes God from creation. I am sure he

is a brilliant scientist but he cannot assume to understand

the vastness of this universe. God is an infinite Being. We

need to possess infinite knowledge to disbelieve in God.

We are finite beings. We dont have infinite knowledge to

disbelieve in God. We may not like the idea of a God but


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that would be only a preference in a range of options. So I

rest my case: men are mortals and no matter how much

they attempt at attacking God's existence, God lives to

outdo his pallbearers.

Friedrich Nietzsche was another great German philosopher

and atheist who made the phrase, "God is dead" veryfamous. Nietzsche argued against God's existence.

So a college wag once wrote, "God is dead" signed

Nietzsche,

God responded, "Nietzsche is dead" signed God.

But God sits on His throne and peers down below into the

bluish white earth. And there he sees many posters, many

books, many billboards, many talks, many thinkers,

philosophers, scientists write away his obituary. And He

laughs. His laughter echoes across the vast expanse of the

heavens and the universe. He laughs because puny little

human beings are striving mightily to debunk Him and

write Him off.


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The heavens declare His handiwork. The earth shows his

footprint. There are trillions upon trillions of stars in our

universe. One scientist says, if you were to sit and count

the stars, you would be sitting for the next billions of years

and still not be done with it. So you better give up and fall

prostrate and worship this God.

How can man not believe in God just because He doesn't

see Him?

There are many things in life we don't see but we believe.

We don't see the air but we live by it. We don't feel our

earth is moving but it is moving in real life. We don't fall

off the earth although the earth hangs over nothing.

Just imagine the size of the earth, so big and so vast and so

heavy. This massive earth simply hangs in space without

falling off. Who keeps this planet hanging nowhere and in

motion? Scientists can never tell us. They can only

speculate.

There is a powerful Being who keeps them in order and in

perfect harmony. And that being is God. We live in a


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miraculous world. All around there are miracles

happening. The fact that your heart beats is a miracle. The

fact that so many organs inside your body is working

tirelessly to keep you alive is a miracle.

Neuroscientists---people who study the brain and the

nervous system---tell us that there are so many synapsesand nerve cells; the number is bewildering to hear. An

estimated 10 billion nerve cells in the brain---think of it,

think of the number of zeroes in 10 billion. That's a lot.

They also tell us that these nerve cells connect through

synapses---a junction that connects nerve cells---and the

synapses are about 500 trillion in number. These are only

estimates. Hearing these numbers startle me. And yet our

brain functions and aids us in memory, thinking, feeling

and a whole lot. How could this brain evolve without a

creator creating it?

Again science cannot fully explain the workings of the

human brain. God has created it. But God did not just

camp in heaven, he came down to this earth. He made

himself known to humankind in the form of Jesus Christ.


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Today the history of the world is divided into two eras: A.D

and B.C. Before Christ and Anno Domini: in the Year of the

Lord. World history divides on the basis of the birth of

Jesus Christ. Jesus is admittedly the greatest God Man who

ever lived on earth. No other religious founder or leader

has divided human history like Jesus Christ.

Jesus is God who appeared in human flesh. He chose to be

born through His creation. I say He chose. He never had to.

But He chose. That is his act of love towards mankind.

The life and times of Jesus Christ surpasses all other

philosophers, thinkers and sages of this world. Religions

across the world mention Jesus and are fascinated with

Him. There is something about Jesus that other religions

cannot ignore.

Skeptics and scholars may debunk and attack the

historicity and divinity of Jesus Christ. But Jesus rises

above them all. Jesus has appeared to millions of people in

this world and continues to appear to many even today.

Go to the Middle East, to Asia and to Africa and hear the


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stories of people who have seen dreams, visions and

appearances of Jesus.

You may ask why Jesus does not appear in the west so

often. He does but not to the regularity like He does in

other parts of the world. Well, that's an interesting

question. Here's the answer: Jesus is God and He expectsthat we come to Him in the faith of a child, simple and

straightforward. Children are innocent and they are willing

to believe. We must be like them to see God. We must

have faith and honestly seek to see Him. But the moment

we try to experiment with Him and test Him, He

withdraws. He will hide himself.

God will not bend to man's arrogance but He will bend to

man's humility.

In the west we reason and doubt the existence of God. We

use our science against Him rather than celebrate Him. We

use our knowledge to disprove Him rather than speak of

His majesty. God is not fooled. God is no respecter of

persons. He who is humble and sincerely seeking Him, to

him He will appear.


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I am sure the atheists still feel an inner emptiness but are

too proud to admit it. Atheists are human beings and they

are subject to the same emptiness and restlessness that

stalks all humans. We are empty and restless without God.

St Francis of Assisi cried: "Oh God, our hearts are restless

until they find their rest in Thee"

Blaise Pascal the French mathematician wrote: "Every

human being has a God shaped vacuum and only a God

can fill it and nothing else"

This Christmas let us realize and celebrate the existence of

God who appeared to mankind in the form of Jesus Christ.

God is the creator of humans.

God is the friend of humans.

God likes humans.

God loves humans.


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God loves you.

God loves you as you read this.

And therefore He chose to come to this earth.

He chose to put a human face to his mysterious face.

In seeing Jesus you see God.

So don't settle for Christmas gifts.

Go for the biggest gift of all: God

God is our gift. When you have Him you have everything.


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Meeting God in the monsoon

I CANNOT FORGET those immortal moments when I got

soaked in the torrential rains of the Indian monsoon.

It was a late, lazy, June noon in the southern Indian city of

Bangalore. The wind was damp. It was almost 3 p.m. I was

sitting in the front row in my classroom facing the door,

which was ajar, with my chin resting on my cupped palm.

The room had windows which were large. Vertical metal

beams spaced, about a few inches from each other formed

the frame of the windows, leaving enough room for a

magpie robin to fly in and out. The windows were our only

world to look out when the math teacher got boring. My

imaginations would soar every time I gazed out, especially

on a rain swept noon, the sight of the nearby eucalyptus

trees swaying to the strong breeze, sprinkling water and

scent was a sight to behold.


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I especially delighted in the eucalyptus scent wafting in the

air. The scent reminded me of a thousand splendid

childhood memories. Some so lovely, some so warm, some

so beautiful, it only takes a child-like imagination to revel

in those tiny episodes of joys. Reminiscing as I was, the

bright, golden rays of the sun bursting through the metal

bars glistened on my skin. I felt lifted into the heavens. Itwas a wondrous sensation to feel the rain kissed sunrays.

And, just as I was pensively looking out, I saw the magpie

robin with its white-fringed tail twitter nearby. It flew

quickly. I guess the bird felt the rumble of the rain in the

wind. And it was. At first, a heavy gust of wind, dry and

tornado-like tore through the cracked asphalted road

gathering clods of dirt, twigs, strips of old crumpled

newspaper, withered leaves, scraps of tiny plastics and

brown dust.

The sidewalks of Indian roads are usually littered with

innumerable wastages. I had just managed to make my

way out from my gated high school building. Behind me

were droves of students, yelling, screaming, chasing,

laughing, elbowing each other and they were all still

swarming out of the large Iron Gate, which was old, rusty


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and bore a quaint arched look. It was a catholic school run

by the Jesuits, rectangular in shape, and once inside those

classrooms studying was more like being in a marine boot

camp. We got our butt caned if we didnt do our

homework. We had a compulsory morning exercises that

was very strenuous. Our weak, little frames could not take

in much. I dont know to this day if the sports instructorever knew what it felt like for a teenager to have their

muscles stretched so much. Man, those muscles ached.

But life went on. The school bell still kept ringing. I could

hear the noise fading away as I started to hurriedly walk. I

had to cover a good five miles back home.

It was long, arduous, and painful but I had no choice. And

so were hundreds of other students who were walking,

the buses were crowded and most parents were still at

work, only a few had the luxury of getting a ride in a

motorbike.

The rain was our only company. I could feel the rushing

rain lashing my back. The ominous clouds rolled in the sky

thundering. It felt like massive chunks of ice were

shredded somewhere in a giant machine up in the sky. The


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rains were heavy, pouring profusely. Within minutes, the

water level ascended from my ankle to knee, cascading

down the uneven roads, frothy, gushing forth like a river

out of control. Motorbikes stalled, auto-rickshaws (three-

wheelers, somewhat like window-less mini cabs) puttered

to a halt. I was on my way home from my high school,

cold, shivering, walking the rain-swept streets. It felt good.

Monsoon in India can be magical. As the winds pick up

speed from the Indian Ocean, the rains lash the earth

cooling the arid layers of the ground. Its a welcome relief

to the farmers who thank the rain gods. Its interesting

that most farmers would think of praying to the rain gods.

Like there is a god who opens the faucet in the clouds

letting the water gush out. Comeover here hollered my

buddy John, fully wet and splashing in a big puddle. He

wanted to show me the little paper boats that he had

instantly crafted. He had set them to sail in the muddied

waters and lo, they bobbed and floated maneuvering

through the flotsam and jetsam. This was our little river of

joy.


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The roads were flooded. Here and there rivulets of water

washed up dried leaves, coke cans, and dirt mounds. The

sidewalks looked clean and neat. Pretty excited, I ran in

the puddles splashing water all over my body. I knew I was

getting dirty, it was messy water. But for a high school boy

like me, rain was fun, rain was joyful, rain was ecstatic. If I

could coin a phrase, I would say, I was hydro joyous. (Iunderstand some are hydrophobic). Not me, the rains

rained floods of memories, some locked deep inside of my

heart, waiting to float out. Its always a thought of mystery

how nature, such as rain can moisten an individuals deep

seated feelings. We are awakened to new senses, new

moments of epiphanies, new revelations of life.

I looked above and the sky seemed to pour more water on

my face drenching me into a feverish thrill. Ever been in

those moments, when rainwater caresses your face! Its

effervescent. My school bag, wet and dripping, hung heavy

on my shoulders. My shoes were waterlogged and wading

in the knee-deep rainwater seemed ethereal. Its a fleeting

thrill that any young boy or girl would experience when it

rains. At least in my hometown, you could see kids playing

around merrily in the muddied rainwater. Ah, that was not


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the end of my happy moments, the smell of the red-wet

earth wafted in the air kindling in me a strange sense of

pleasure. It was de ja vu. It was nostalgic. I didnt know

when I had experienced that feeling in the past. But it was

nostalgia unknown. As I said, the rains evoked in me

powerful feelings. Even in movies, if you observe carefully,

rains form the best backdrop to portray climaxes of love---starry-eyed lovers running into each other or simply

standing with arms stretched wide, with the face pointing

skywards, letting the water soak the clothes, body and all.

For me it was real life exuberance of experiencing

transcendence. The smell of the wet earth was to me far

more aromatic than any perfume.

Did you ever get to smell a rain sodden earth? Natures

smell sometimes stirs deep longings in the heart. It seems

to suddenly unfold a dream that was waiting to happen.

Inhaling the entrancing smell of the red earth provided me

a wondrous backdrop to reminisce the many joyous

moments of my life. I thought of the friend who smiled at

me in the school. It gladdened my heart. At school I

wanted everyone to love me whether they liked me or

not. I dreaded being ignored. My heart couldnt take it.


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However, today, my mind was recapturing the smile of a

friend at school. Then, I thought of my mother who tended

to my drenched body. She would hurriedly fix me a

steaming cup of hot Indian tea. I thought of my fathers

kind eyes. Although my mom would berate me for getting

soaked in the water, my dad would just find towels to get

me dry.

They were little acts of kindness but they added to my

happiness. I thought of all that was good and glorious. It

made me happy. The smell of the soil had worked wonders

in my whacked out life. The pouring monsoon showers

rejuvenated my imaginations. The more my mind dwelt on

what made me happy, the more I wanted those moments

to linger on. I felt inconsolable when images of immortal

happy moments seemed to get wash

fierce love

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