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Faith is a Journey (not a guilt trip)

I love to travel anywhere (well, almost anywhere), anytime. I’ve been fortunate enough to be able to travel for most of my life and over many years have enjoyed trips to nearly 60 different countries and all 50 states. I managed to infect my wife and family with the travel bug and together we’ve had some really nice high-end vacations as well as going places very cheaply (and cheap is the word) and have enjoyed them all. Of all the traveling, though, what I have really enjoyed best are not the group tours but when we are able to head off into the countryside and explore and discover people, places and things on our own. I love setting up my own itinerary, renting a car and finding my own way at my own pace. To an extent, I don’t even mind getting a bit lost. Some of our favorite gems are often not listed in a guidebook’s top ten things to see. Sometimes it really is not about the destination but rather about the journey. I enjoy planning a trip and the longer time that I have to plan the longer my reading list grows. I like to read about the history and culture of an area before I visit and then enjoy seeing those places I’ve read about through my own eyes. In a way my faith journey has been like my travels. I try to study and learn what I can about different ways that people understand and believe the many facets of Christianity. I appreciate good teaching and explanations of articles of faith but also like to do some exploring on my own. St. John’s has given me the space to explore my own mind and develop my faith experience and, for that, I love this church. Like several of you I was raised Roman Catholic and was very active in the small church that my family attended. Even though I lived some distance from our church my parents made sure that I never missed my Monday night Catechism classes, served as altar boy each Sunday and (very) frequently made my Confession. I was a good Catholic until I went away to a big, bad secular university and started to question everything about my church and my faith. I used to envy those friends of mine who had what I considered a blind faith. They could believe without question and their faith, I thought, was rock solid. Now that I’m older I believe that the doubts and searching were necessary to really forge and temper my faith into something much stronger and more durable. After Kathy and I were married we began to explore churches where we could both be comfortable (she was raised Presbyterian). We were continuing that search when we moved

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to Franklin in 1969 but were busy with our busy-ness (raising a young family, growing a new veterinary practice and being on call 24/7) and so it was not an intense search. We were led to St. John’s by social friends......we knew three other young couples who were active members......and we found a church that has been home to us for the past 40+ years. One of the things that I appreciate most about the Episcopal church and our particular brand of Christianity is that we are each given the spiritual space to mentally and intellectually develop our own relationship and understanding of God and what he means in our own life. It seems that we are all fellow travelers and all finding our way. My faith is not without questions.....many questions, questions with which human attempts at explanation just aren’t good enough for me. Sorry, theologians! I’ve never quite understood why there has to be suffering, much less why our sins had to be paid for with Christ’s suffering and death (or was the greater pain that of the Father sacrificing the Son?). I really don’t know why animals have to suffer at all. And I still wrestle with understanding the Trinity. None of this affects my FAITH in a loving and forgiving God and a redeemer Son but I hope someday in another place that my questions will be answered and my curiosity will be satisfied. My faith, and I suspect for some of you also, flows at different rates from time to time. Sometimes it’s a river, sometimes a creek, but always moving and impossible to hold back. My faith is active, not passive. I really dislike those times when I get in the way of my own faith, when I get too distracted to focus on those things that are eternally important and I feel spiritually flat., when I prove to myself again and again that I am just a sinner. It’s those times that I need the Grace of God that I find in the sacraments and our liturgy and Grace to make me whole again. One of my personal beliefs is that I have been truly blessed in many ways far beyond anything that I have earned or deserved, I don’t know why that I was born in a country with plentiful food and why I can have adequate health care and millions of others cannot. I don’t know why I have been generally healthy all of my life and other people I have known have not. I don’t know why I have seen my children grow into responsible adults and some others have not. I don’t know why I have been blessed with a spouse who knows my failures and still loves me. I didn’t do anything more than millions of other human beings to deserve those blessings and many more. I feel that the blessings were given without a pricetag but still feel an obligation to give back to God what I am able. My prayer is that if God calls me that I will hear him, and recognize him, and answer him and do his will. I pray that when called that I can answer “Here I Am, Lord”. fdp