fabrics of instability

the Fabrics of Instability


written by: M

ax Sherman

publishers138

GD 3020 Visual Sequencing

Rocky Mountain College of Art and Design

Martin Mendelsberg

Book Components

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publishers

Max Sherman

138

sanatoriums section consists of tim

e spent at Suf-

folk Sanatorium(N

Y), R

ay Brook Sanatorium

(NY

)

and the Jewish C

onsumptives’ R

elief Society(CO

)

Entries 1–20:Russia

Table of Contents

Entries 20–60:America

Entries 39–60:Sanatoriums

Max Sherman

JCRS est.1904

The Jewish Consumptives’ Relief Society was a sanatorium located in Denver, Colo-rado. It was founded in 1904 as a treat-ment clinic for those infected with tuber-culosis. Each patient received care free of charge as well as housing. The institution itself was headed by Dr. Charles Spivak, a doctor who was internationally acknowl-edged for his methods of treatment when dealing with tuberculosis. JCRS later became an institution dedicated to further our knowledge of cancer and working to find new treatments and cures.

Max Sherman


Entry One

This is my first attempt at a journal. Three days ago I was walking home from work and happened to look down on the street, lying in front of me was a small brown leather bound book filled with empty pages, being a tailor, I was rather interested in the quality of the material. I then began to consider who’s journal this could be and what story did they want to tell. It seemed close to impossible to find the owner of this catalogue of thoughts so I decided I would claim the book for my-self and continue what one person once intended to start.

maybe som

edeay i’ll be able to look back

on this little journal and discover an old

mem

ory to adore

Max Sherman

Entry Two

i often wonder

what would have

been written in this

journal had i not

found it.

I’ve realized that this journal is intended to be a documentation of ones life, well traditionally that’s the purpose. So, I feel as if it would be an incomplete story with-out a proper introduction to whoever finds this book next. I’m Lazarus Bearman a 20 year old tailor working in a small town in Russia. I’ve always known one job and that’s being a tailor, I was taken in by a local shop owner when I was thirteen and he’s shown me everything I could ever need to know about the tailoring business. I’m able to educate anybody on different pin sizes, lengths, types of thread certain methods of stitching; literally everything. Being my sixth year, I feel rather confi-dent in myself that I too will someday own a shop of my own and can pass my knowledge down as well but, all that is for another day…


Entry Three

Lately my boss Andrei has been letting me work the shop on my own more often, I feel almost as if I’m a co-owner. It’s a brilliant feeling, something I’ve been dying to since I started here. My performance leads me to believe I will indeed own my own storefront someday and create a name for myself as the next big tailor, “the kid who studied under Andrei” just letting people know such a thing creates a certain trust between me and them, they’ve got faith in me.

Max Sherman

Entry Four

Haven’t written in a day, spent my wak-ing hours repairing garments for people yesterday! It seems as if some days will be calm and other times everybody rips something all at once! Not too sure how that works out. My boss was in today and told me he had heard about a place, New York in the United States. He said thats where a lot of people were traveling to, mostly from Europe it could be something to read up about, I don’t know how i’d feel about leaving though.


Entry Five

The shop has been closed recently due to weather, we got hit with a bad storm and almost everything was unable to operate as a storefront except grocery stores and such, people need to survive somehow. Otherwise, it was also unfortunate be-cause this journal was locked in the shop and there was too much snow to even get into the front door. This is one of the worst storms I’ve seen. It’s incredible to consider how many thoughts run through your head per day and what happens to these thoughts if they’re not written down on a piece of paper, or several. I felt so out of place just letting my running mind go to waste essentially. I had never thought I would ever own a so-called “diary”, grow-ing up I had always considered that to be a girls thing but after a short period of time I can appreciate the process of it and hope to create a story that someone may find someday.

Max Sherman

Entry Six

Andrei was speaking of a place he heard from a friend today in America. He mentioned a place named New York, a huge conglomerate of people, Americans and immigrants. From what he was saying it sounds pretty interesting lots of dif-ferent people, cultures, and experiences not to mention he was pointing out the technology there, he spoke of there being a big city that was more advanced than most and had such a large job market for almost any outlet! I also forgot to point out their political system is supposed to be much better than what we’ve got, there is no fear in the eyes of the lower class citizens there nor is there a bad leader…so I’ve heard, such things could be the same everywhere.


she spent the entire evening in a state of illness, i’m surprised i slept

Max Sherman

I woke up once again to the sound of my mother coughing,

Entry Seven

she doesn’t sound well, at all...


she doesn’t sound well, at all...

I’ve got to take some time off from work and make sure everything will be okay. Ivan, my brother, has been away for a while for military reasons, therefore I’m the only one to provide for my mother.

Max Sherman

Things are not looking any better for my mother, the weather isn’t helping either, the drafts throughout the house pierce your skin like a knife, you can feel the cold in your bones.

Entry Eight

i’ve never experienced such a spine chilling temperature as that day


Still dark skies overhead in the house, I need to call a physician.

Entry Nine

Max Sherman

Great news! Dr. Novikov was able to stop by today and took a look at my mother, he said she’s going to be fine, it’s just a virus that’s been going around and the only rea-son it’s lasted so long is the weather, stay-ing cold most of the day creates a hard time for healing, but everyone who has had it was fine within a few weeks. It’ll be nice to go back to work soon. As long as my mother follows doctors order I should be back in the shop in a few days.

Entry Ten

there was nothing more promis-

ing and inspiring than hearing

this information

There are no w

ords…

each and every day feels darker...

wha

t cou

ld i

have

don

e to

hel

p?

Max Sherman

It’s been some time now since my mother passed, apparently she had a severe case of pneumonia that was unseen by Dr. Novikov. I can’t believe somebody that calls themselves a fucking doctor could oversee something like pneumonia. I’ve been in a haze for almost a month now. I can hardly work. It seems as if he knew my mother wasn’t going to make it, in-stead of creating this overwhelming sense of death within the home he allowed us to believe everything would be fine. It’s such a twisted thought process these doc-tors have, giving someone false hope just in time for their demise. They drill these thouhts into your head and when you feel the restraints on your life will be removed, they become tighter. Ruining all hope you had. This tears you apart fiber by fiber, making you even weaker. I’ve been drained of all emotion, I am now simply a wandering soul trapped in this world. I’m not sure I’ll ever see a brighter day, each one colder than the last.

Entry Thirteen


Today I remembered the place Andrei was talking about, New York. I think that may be the only way for me to truly escape these nightmares, I must avoid the constant memories of my mother in this home. This town will do nothing but tear me apart inside.

Entry Fourteen

allowing thoughts of N

ew York into m

y head may

have been a bad idea, it’s all i can think about.

Max Sherman

Andrei was a little unsatisfied with my short notice leaving but he also under-stands the mental state I’m in. He’s allowed me to work around the clock in order to save money for a trip to America, he even told me of this man who could get me a decent price on a ticket for the voyage. There’s a man who works at the dock, he’s a dear friend of Andrei’s and as long as I tell him I’ve been his apprentice for seven years everything should work-out to benefit me and my travels. Finally, something good has happened in my life, the only gift I could give him as we parted ways was not to see Dr. Novikov…

Entry Fifteen


there is nothing left but an empty house, one that is cold year round

Max Sherman

I’ve never been so busy in my entire life. Packing all my luggage along with every-thing in the house but it must get done, I’m leaving for America soon. I’ve sent a letter to my brother letting him know where I’m going and that the house is waiting for him, unfortunately that’s the only thing waiting for him. Back to work.

Entry Sixteen

i’m still incredibly nervous

about this trip to america, i

have no idea what to expect,

all i know is that a lot of

people travel there in order

to make money


So today is the day, I spoke with a mister Morozov at the dock and he was more than happy to meet me and ask about Andrei, I was able to get the ticket for half the price, he said nobody would notice or question me which is fortunate. The next time my feet touch the ground I’ll be standing upon American soil.

Entry Seventeen

seems slightly too easy...

Max Sherman

The amount of people on this boat is incredible. There are more people on this boat than those who live in my entire hometown it feels almost hard to breath, its just such tight quarters I’m not certain how much longer we’ve got I’m assuming a few more weeks of this hell.

Entry Eighteen


I cannot leave my quarters for fear of getting ill, it appears as if everyone is get-ting the same illness around me, I think to myself about a doctor being on board to tell them they’ll be fine swaying them into false hope. It seems that if there is a doctor on board they’re not helping these people but simply allowing this illness to spread, I can’t even imagine why they’d want to keep these people in this state! I still cannot bear the thought of death for anyone, the devastation it does to the hu-man mind.

Entry Nineteen

Max Sherman

The middle of the sea, there’s a mesmerizing quality to it. Not a single bit of land, just open water

we wander through its vastness as a thought wanders...

Entry Twenty


lingers, within our brains.

Max Sherman

Land! There may be nothing like the feel-ing of solid ground under your feet after several weeks on a vessel lacking in stabil-ity as much as it did comfort. The cold ocean air bites your face while your legs try and compensate for the turbulence of the waves, for weeks this goes on and then, next thing you know, you’ve reached land. You experience the solid dock creat-ing a path to travel effortlessly by foot, the smell of civilization and the spectacle that is New York City. There’s something very unique about this place, there are different types of people, languages, clothes, hair everything! There is so much commo-tion here, it creates a sense of inspiration. Every person in the city seems to be busy, they’ve got something to do at all times. Even the vagabonds rambling aobut seem as if they’re in the middle of doing some-thing rather than wasting away. I didn’t realize such an environment existed. th

e sp

ecta

cle

that

is N

ew Y

ork

Cit

y.

Entry Twenty One


i’m glad to be surrounded by

so many interesting aspects

of life, i feel as if it gives me

a chance to somewhat recre-

ate myself and start new.

Max Sherman

I’m all unpacked, my home is extremely tiny and not too nice but, I suppose it’s a decent trade off for a better job market and a better social structure. Today is the day I’m going to find a job, it should be fairly easy with my experience.

Entry Twenty Two

the difference in lifestyle and living arrangements in this city are m

uch different than i had expected


Finding a job was much harder than I had imagined, people here don’t seem to take kindly to immigrants coming to their country. There were a few tailor shops that I had stepped into in order to intro-duce myself to some fellow tailors. One man was very adamant about me leaving immediately, that is, after he heard my Russian accent. The people here are al-ways in such a hurry, it seems as if they’ve got no time to even acknowledge one’s existence, it’s quite strange to me. I’m not sure how well this place, New York City, is going to workout…

Entry Twenty Three

Max Sherman

Everything has been so hectic lately, I found a job working with another Russian tailor, its nice to share a cultural similar-ity with at least one person in this maze. It feels like there’s no time to breathe. I used to think working all day and night was a rare thing in times of need, now it’s nonstop. People flood the streets once the sun has pierced the night sky and some remain there until the sun begins to rise the next day. This lifestyle is definitely one that takes time to get used to.

Entry Twenty Four


people flood the streets once the sun has pierced the night sky and some remain there until the sun begins to rise the next day.

This lifestyle is definitely one that takes time to get used to.

Max Sherman

Spring has officially arrived, no longer does it rain all day, no longer is the sun hidden behind what seemed like infinite clouds of ash. A general observation I’ve made recently is the overall attitude of people this time of year, they seem a bit happier. I feel a bit happier. With spring comes more people, this also means more business i’m hoping I may not write for some time unfortunately…

Entry Twenty Six


I’m not sure if I’ve ever experienced anything like yesterday before. I was very unaware of the fourth day of this month being such an, um… an enthusiastic day. It was incredible to see the way these people acted, they acted almost like they were completely different people. Sudden-ly everyone was ecstatic, drinking spirits and there were all sorts of fireworks being set off some even shot at immigrants. I’ve never seen such an intense celebration. Being a Russian, it was almost scary to see the amount of pride in these peoples eyes and to consider what could possibly happen they all seemed as if they would kill each and everyone of us so easily. The people here are insane it makes no damn sense how any person in their right mind could wake up before the sun rises and stays up until it comes up again. It’s fucking absurd I’m sure they’re out to get us, immigrants that is. I believe almost everyone will be somewhat sluggish today. I’ll try and write soon.

Entry Twenty Seven

Max Sherman

Evelyn, she came into the store to get a dress fixed, she said she was planning to go out to a play this weekend a good friend of hers. Fortunately, he decided to call of his date with her so she offered me the open seat, I think this could be good for me. She’s not discriminate toward im-migrants which is nice, maybe she comes from a family of outsiders who raised her in such a way. Aside from that she seems very nice, I took her up on her offer.

Today I met a woman


The play was incredible, we saw one called Floradora it was rather funny as well, it was a nice way to spend the eve-ning, hopefully we can go out sometime this week

it would be more enjoyable than sitting home writing in this book, no offense. Then again she could be building up a false sense of hope…

Entry Twenty Nine

i seem to get myself in situations pretty often that allow me to believe everyone is

against me, i should really try and find a more positive outlook

Max Sherman

I had a realization today… Evelyn is very similar to my mother, these thoughts still linger on to this day, I’m not sure there will ever be a way suppress such memo-ries. There’s this permanent dark cloud in my head, it’s a curse for me, a burden I must carry I sometimes consider that maybe I could have helped my mother, I could have been around more in the early stages of her illness. I should have done something more. Maybe then the doctor would have been right.

Entry Thirty

He could’ve been telling the truth...


There’s been a void in my life for quite some time now

i may never abandon these thoughts

i feel as if

Max Sherman

Losing my mother was the worst thing imaginable to happen it was so unex-pected and seemed as if it happened so quickly, she was there one day, and the next she was gone, leaving nothing but a memory in my mind and an emptiness in my heart. Until recently I thought this emptiness would never be refilled, then Evelyn came into my life, I feel as if she’s my first love. She’s created a presence in my life that allows me to suppress this burden I’ve felt for so long.

This burden that I created, a burden that will never fade,

only linger.

Thirty One


I’ve been rather busy lately with work, it’s that time of year I suppose, people are preparing for cooler weather and need some items repaired. The nights have been late I haven’t really been able to at-tend to my writing, I feel bad for ignoring you. I’ve also been having to spend some time away from Evelyn, she comes in and visits me but I can tell it’s been hard for her. I think everything should get back to a regular schedule soon though and then I can write in you a little more often. I hope. I’ve noticed too that the streets seem a bit more full lately, I’ve also heard a lot more about immigration. The people of New York don’t appear to be happy about this. I understand. Their territory is being overrun with outsiders, people who invade their space. I’m fortunate we came over when we did, at least our welcome was…a little warmer.

Entry Thirty Two

Max Sherman


Things are beginning to slow down around here, not many people come out when it’s cold like this, only for necessities. I haven’t heard from or seen Evelyn sev-eral days, I’ve stopped by her apartment but there’s been no answer each time. It’s beginning to concern me, it seemed as if things were going quite well, I mean I had a few late shifts but nothing really out of the ordinary you know? Sometimes I just do not understand people.

Entry Thirty Three

Max Sherman

I stopped by Evelyn’s apartment today due to lack of communication still…another man was in there with her. Why can’t people be informative and talk about things. I’m assuming Evelyn and I are through. I’m glad my first love set out to do what I had imagined. There was a relationship existing, building, creating a sense of hope. I had hope, I had hope the void in my life had been filled and now once again I am empty. I’m in a complete shroud of darkness. The fucking people in this world disgust me, the way they play with one’s mind like a damn toy, I don’t even see how they can go to sleep at night. Every person on the street is thinking of some way to destroy someone else’s life. Each and every one of them should be examined…institutionalized! There is no way for me to escape this emptiness, I feel as if I can hardly even trust myself any-more. Am I as messed up as these people?

Entry Thirty Four

the w

ay they p

lay w

ith o

ne’s m

ind

...

am i as messed up as these people?

i can’t believe the way some people operate, its absolutely hideous

Max Sherman

It’s been some time since I wrote in here, i’ve been in a bad state of mind lately. It’s hard to believe the effect a female can have on your life, on your mental state, your overall health. I feel almost as if i’ve been ill for some time, it hasn’t been pleas-ant either. I have this horrible cough that won’t go away no matter what I do it feels deep down too, not just a little cough. Each cough feels as though it’s carrying a piece of my spirit out of me. It’s been getting harder and harder to stay awake during the day, I just feel so drained at all times, i’m considering the thought of depression but I suppose I should go to the doctor when I get a chance and see what he has to say, he may just tell me something he thinks I want to hear, he may tell me i’ll be fine but then i’ll be gone tomorrow.

Entry Thirty Five


I still have not yet seen a doctor, but I think this depression is really getting to me, This can’t be good for the fatigue that already exists, I could sleep for an entire day and wake up feeling as if I were awake for three.

Thirty Six

depression

Max Sherman

I’ve started losing weight and even losing my appetite, nothing is appealing to me anymore.

i’m still uneasy about contacting a physician, maybe i’m afraid of what i’ll find out or maybe it’s a bias against doctors that i’ve created in my mind


I gave in today, I decided it was time to go see a doctor, this has been going on for far too long to be any kind of minor illness, it brings back memories of my mother. Memories of what I could have done, was she suffering as long as I have been? Is this how she lived the last few months before she died? Am I going to end up the same way? Maybe i’ll see her again soon. It’s been requested by the doctor that I go into another office in order to get a chest xray, he said it didn’t sound to good inside today. At least he’s telling me the truth...

Thirty Seven

Max Sherman

now that i’ve finally gotten the truth,


i’m not sure how i feel about it.

Max Sherman

my mother died of pneumonia...


i found out i’ve got tuberculosis

Max Sherman

Tuberculosis. Something i’ve not really heard much about, the doctor said it’s been more and more common within the last year. That really doesn’t help considering the disease itself, from what he told me the disease mainly attacks the lungs, quite severely, but there have been instances where the disease can spread to the brain, spine and even the kidney’s. I don’t see how I was introduced to such a vigilant disease.

Thirty Eighth

visit 3

Max Sherman

Doctors visit three:

Entry Thirty Nine


I’m being sent away for medical attention. I feel as if i’m an outcast, again. Not only am I a Russian immigrant in America, but an infected immigrant. My doctor said that he’s setting up a place for me to go, its a sanatorium, a place for others sharing the same illness as me to get better. In reality it seems as if they’re taking all the infected off the street and isolating them to die. Thats all they’re going to do, lets us wither. I’m being sent to the suffolk sanatorium in about a week my travel arrangements are almost complete.

Max Sherman

I’m on my way to Selden, New York right now. That’s where the sanatorium is locat-ed, i’ve heard its a pretty nice area, much more quiet than the city, most places here are though, there’s some over powering interest in the city itself, everyone wants something to do with it. But then again who wouldn’t want something to do with it. Leaving is going to be strange, it’s the only thing i’ve known for so long. And now i’m forced to leave, to be locked up like an animal. For all I know we could be used as testing, maybe they’re trying to cure this thing and we’re the ones who get to be the lab rats. if you’re infected, well, then you’re expendable. I guess at this point it doesn’t really bother me, i’ve essentially got close to nothing left in my life I suppose an attempt at kicking this infection is my best option.

Fortieth Entry


if you’re infected, well, then you’re expendable.

Max Sherman

It’s my first day at the San, they all call it that in order to simplify sanatorium, and it’s not too bad, I expected much worse. There’s a large amount of people here but they all seem to be doing alright, there are plenty of nurses and doctors running about. It seems the patients care is top priority, I was greeted with a “you’ll be fine” mentality. They’re much nicer here than they are in the city I’ve got to say. When people are in a time of need and desperation they learn to look past certain things, such as me being an immigrant. It’s sad that it takes so much though. I’ve met a few people who seem like they’ll be good to get to know they’ve got real positive attitudes about the situation we’re all in. Thats all I can think to do is stay as positive as possible,

Entry Forty One

all

negative

thoughts

just

wear

you

down


all

negative

thoughts

just

wear

you

down

I’m beginning my treatment today, the doctors tell me i’ve got a great chance at surving this infection, they tell me it should be smooth sailing...we’ll see about that. That was my last negative thought, i’m going to try and erase previous biases toward doctors,

Entry Forty Two

they’re the only ones who can help me at this point...

Max Sherman

I retract my last journal entry. These people are just as sick as Dr. Novikov! It’s fucking horrible, I can’t trust a single thing they say, it won’t be smooth sailing at all, the remainder of this journal will be empty after tomorrow I can almost guarantee it. One of the people I met who was told a similar story as mine passed today. Randomly. They showed signs of getting better and next thing we know they’re gone. You know what that is? Well, do you? That is a failed test, thats the only thing that makes sense! How could a person be on the rise both mentally and physically, confirmed by doctors, and then just fade away into a memory the next day. It’s all a fucking guessing game, they don’t know a damn thing about how to cure this disease or what to do, they just try things and tell people everything is go-ing to be just fine...coming from the ones that aren’t infected, going home to their families every night.

i’m convinced tomorrow

could be my last day, judging

by other patients it’s not too

far from being believableForty Three

that, is a failed test

Max Sherman

how could a person

just fade away into a memory

Max Sherman

this disease


it’s all a fucking guessing game

Bearman refused treatment, he started screaming about a scientific experiment being done on him and all the others in the San, he referred to patient #5421, saying that she was “killed” by us.

Nurse:

bearman threw

the treatment to the floor and left the room

, resisting san

personnel. he even pushed a doctor who w

as entering the doorway.

Lazarus had somewhat of a melt-down today...

Doctor:

i had never heard of anything as absurd as the suffolk

sanatorium performing medical tests on the patients, using

them as lab rats to find a cure for this disease. we haven’t got

a cure but we do have treatment, treatment that’s proven

to work but he refuses to believe us. bearman has become

a threat to our sanatorium and needs to be dealt with, he

has endangered several other doctors and nurses, exhibiting

both verbal and physical abuse.

his dismissal from our sanatorium should be considered.

Max Sherman

i’m being moved to a different sanatorium. i

haven’t been able to write for some time because

of a few instances at the suffolk san. i don’t really

know if i feel like writing them in here, i don’t

think it’s necessary that these situations be read by

an outside party....


Due to my incidents, my journal and all other belongings were taken from me, some sort of punishment they came up with, in my eyes this is their way of keeping me down, I try and resist their experiment so they try and break me down in order for me to “accept them as saviors” little do they know what i’ve gone through in my life. At this point in time it’s hard for one to get in my head, losing my mother and the only woman i’ve ever loved has done a lot of negative things to my mind but its also allowed me to build up this strength, a barricade even. No matter what they do i’ll still keep it in the back of my mind what these “doctors” do to the patients.

Forty Fifth

they expect you to

Max Sherman

accept them,


as saviors.

Max Sherman

So I got a letter today,

Forty six

“ Dear Mr. Lazarus Bearman, we have

been informed by several sources that

you’ve become an endangerment to staff

and a threat to the sanatorium itself, you’re

being dismissed from this facility in 15

days. Your new location will be the Ray

Brook Sanatorium, travel arrangements

have been made.”


I cant believe this! They’re treating me like dirt, I say one thing to a doctor about a patient who died and they pull a fucking stunt like this?! I’m sure they’re sending me to an even more depressing place, solitary confinement maybe, thats what they do with people who question author-ity, they send ‘em away. The second I read Ray Brook I knew where I was going. Up-state New York, the land of nothing. I’ve got a mental image of this place already, no windows, one door and a laboratory. What easier way to get rid of a challeng-ing patient than to take him to the main source for all treatment testing, i’m sure thats what it is. I’ve got to evade this situ-ation. I’m leaving now, I don’t need much to get by.

accept them,

as saviors...

Max Sherman

It didn’t take long before I was picked up, unfortunately. I saw no point in following through with this Sanatorium business, I figured I was going to die no matter what so rather than sit around in a depressing home I would go out and live a desirable life for a short time. Instead i’m back at a San, this one possibly worst than the last, they took my items for the first part of the year, I’ve been spending my days reading the books they supply us and trying to do my best to meet people. I’ve been doing a lot of questioning when it comes to other patients, i’m curious about how they’ve been here, and if their illnesses have been getting better. Several of them have been rather honest, revealing information to me that they’ve been in this same facility for years. An infection that resides in the body for years, I find this hard to believe. To me, it seems that these treatment cycles consist of one part treatment one part infection(essentially). The idea is that they

Entry: 47


try a treatment on someone, if they’re not cured as quickly as desired, they’re “re-infected” and a new treatment is tested. The fact that these places exist is absurd. I need to find out more about these patients and their stories.

it’s quite obvious that

they are indeed going

through and taking each

and every patient, testing

a cure and depending

on the speed of the

cure, releasing them or

reinfecting them in order

to perfect the selected

formula. everything is

becoming so twisted.

Max Sherman

No matter which Sanatorium I go to they treat me like scum, I feel as if they know I’m catching on to something and they don’t want the truth to be actually revealed, there’s no worse publicity than a sanatorium being revealed as a human testing facility, granted they’re testing to cure tuberculosis but this cure is being experimented with on humans, I know it. They’ve been limiting my freedom within the San, its almost like being on some sort of 24 hour observation. Most people get to go out and do things during the day while its nice, they spend their whole days out there mingling with other whereas I’m essentially a dog on a leash. After many times asking, they finally told me that I’m treated this way because they believe I’m going to spoil the minds of other patients, they fear i could create instability within the facility. With a lack of trust within those caring for you comes a sense of anger toward those people.

Entry 48

The fact that they think I’ll “spoil” their minds leads

me to believe that something really is going on here.

Max Sherman

They simply cannot keep me in one place, they’ve got this concept of “well, we don’t want to deal with him, lets brush him off on someone else”. They don’t even want me on this coast anymore, from what the owner of this facility said, I’m forced to move to Denver, Colorado. He tells me its because my condition is at a point that re-quires the care of the facility in Colorado, a place called JCRS. Jewish Consumptive Relief Society, I’ve been told they’re one of the best places for this condition due to the amount of sunlight there. The skin absorbing the sun creates a sense of hap-piness, as the rays soak in, endorphins are released. The release of endorphins allows for a sense of joy throughout the body creating a more stable healing process, when one is in a constant state of fear or anger the body reacts with stress. This stress inhibits the ability for one to heal. Maybe now, over a year later, I can start a more solid healing process, hopefully…

Forty Nine


there are hardly any clouds.

it’s a bit cold right now but

there’s less snow than what

was in NY. the air here is

different, its thin and dry

unlike the thick icy air of

the east that pierces the

flesh. maybe this is the end

of these dark days, i’m on

my way to the San right

now, Denver, its a pretty

incredible place. i’ll be writ-

ing back once i get there.

Entry Fifty

The sky here is so big, so vast

Charles Spivak...

the innovator

the savior

he’s the one to help us all

Max Sherman

I had my meeting with Spivak, it was interesting, somewhat refreshing I suppose to hear a real answer from somebody, he told me that I was indeed in bad shape and in order to get better i’d have to fol-low everything he says. Maybe the further west you get in this country the better the people get, who knows, it could just be this community. It’s weird to think what it could be like outside of this place, i’ve seen the mountains everyday since i’ve been here and they look incredible. The way the snow rests so delicately on the tops and the sun highlights every little ridge, its beautiful. Hopefully Spivak will get me back to a better state and I can go out there.

Entry Fifty Three


the delicate appearance of the moun-

tains, so elegantly capped with snow.

something so large and powerful now

appears to be almost fragile, it creates a

reflection of how delicate and fragile our

lives can be

Max Sherman

four weeks later and i’m still not better

Entry Fifty Four


Same fucking story, i’m beginning to think this “tuberculosis” thing really doesn’t exist. It’s something injected to us every other time we go from treatment. That way, they create a sense of panic among the general public, this panic then funds these institutions because nobody wants to end up like the creatures they see in the sanatoriums so they donate more and more in order to solve this problem. What problem are they solving? Is this some sort of ploy to cut down on immigrants, do they think their territory is being overrun? Spivak, they say he’s a leader in this indus-try it would make sense that people have spent so much time here with a leader like Spivak taking care of them. And for the nurses, you keep your mouth shut, give them the dosages and get an extensive pay check. Thats how it is with all the employ-ees here! They’re all the same!

Max Sherman

They’ve been watching me like a hawk watches a rodents nest around here, I don’t think they really appreciate the information i’ve been sharing with other patients, the nurses have been getting questioned by others as well after I spoke with them. It makes far too much sense for such a thing to be completely false.

Fifty Fifth Entry


Early on in the disease it

starts out as a simple

virus, and the medicine

they give you for that,

well thats the catalyst,

thats what really kicks

the process into gear.

Then its all up to the

people of the

sanatoriums to

“save” your life.

Max Sherman

They tell you that you’re getting bet-ter day in and day out and then one day, what do you know “oh! There’s been a relapse in the disease, we’re going to have to keep you here for a little longer to make sure you recover fully”. Thats not how it is, they’re just wanting to make an example of us to the outside world. Soon enough we’ll see things in the paper about “Tuberculosis breakout! Research underway to suppress this disease”, once that’s read the general public will quite literally be THROWING money at these institutions. Spivak must be laughing all the way to the bank each and every day.

money

money

money

Max Sherman

I’ve discovered a way out out of this place, I went out for a few walks and realized that the building closest to an escape route is the one containing the terminal patients, this makes sense because how could they escape being in such critical condition. I found a uniform of a doc-tor who left it outside a changing room, I figured he wouldn’t miss it or maybe to him, the nurse who takes care of laundry grabbed it on accident. So, anyway, i’ve been able to make my way into these quarters, and since each patient is in an essential coma due to medication they just see the white robe and don’t bother asking questions. So i’ve been able to get out and see what it’s like around the area and talk to a few folks, from what i’ve heard they have no idea what goes on in this JCRS facility, which leads me to believe that its a big secret, they’re keeping us a secret adding even more fear to the tuberculosis scare, the general public hear about it but never see it. Not being able to witness a

Fifty Six


disease will cause one

to believe it’s far more

deadly than they could fathom

. Thus, increas-

ing donations with the

mind set of “w

e must

do anything we can to

eliminate this threat”.

Max Sherman

we


weare acommunitykept as a secret fromsociety

Max Sherman

I was caught sneaking out last night, but, fortunately I’ve been able to study some more thats been going on around here and i’ve been keeping these thoughts in a separate location seeing as how they know about this journal, and if by some chance they were to flip through here they would discover what I was on to...

Fifty Seven

JCRS Observations:

so this week ive been spend-ing my time observing the employees in this facility, its quite interesting to see the way they act.

you can tell something isn't quite right amongst them, there's a certain level of comfort

lacking within the halls.

As time carries on I notice some patients getting less and less atten-tion, as if they've been infected so many times that they're on a down-ward spiral, they'll never experience the sensation of getting better again so the nurses and doctors casually let them go. It's the ones they can con-tinue to make an example about that they care to serve. Afterall, we are the ones creating their pay checks. One of the nurses blatantly made sure that I was ignored for an entire day, she would make eye contact and look away as if nobody even existed.

Max Sherman

everyone can feel the emptiness here as the days go on

58

dismissed from JCRS

I received my dismissal today

not based upon health but based upon my actions, I suppose i've been a bit more rambunctious than I thought, although this gives me a chance to fully express my feelings toward these people and this facility. It's about time the general public became away of what was happening in this “sanatorium”, i'm going to the press as soon as i'm out,

this will be big...

fifty nine

there’s got to be some way to fight

what is happening here

both in my body and this sanatorium.

there will be change

people will understand

the man who is

1. a person who relies on the deceit and destruction of peoples

integrity, courage and overall life for income

1. Dr. Charles Spivak

It's funny how once you're out they've got no interest in helping you. You're seen as being “used” up, they've gotten all they can from me, all I can think about is the patients who slowly disappeared into the sanatorium, i've become one of them except here's where it gets interesting...

Denied re-admittance,

60

I’m o

n th

e ou

tside

i may not have much time

but i’ve still got a voice and...

my words will be heard...

All documents Courtesy of:

JCRS Collection, Beck Archives

Special Collections,

Penrose Library and

Center for Judaic Studies,

University of Denver, 2008

Patient Name: Lazarus Bearman

Folder Number:5523

Colophon

Typefaces:

Designer:

Max Sherman 2011

Univers LT

Baskerville

fabrics of instability

Documents

little journal

whos journal

year old tailor

im able

big tailor

local shop owner

max shermanentry fourhavent

im lazarus bearman