Fathering-

As an expectant father you are expected to ‘do something’

‘Be T

here

’

• Since the 1970s, fathers have been permitted to be with their wife or partner during labour and delivery. Actually women wanted their husbands to ‘be there’ to help.

• Prior to the 1970s most women were left alone to labour and really wanted someone to help them cope with labour pain. It took a while longer for fathers to be permitted into a cesarean delivery.

Fath

ers n

ow

-a-d

ays

• Most expectant fathers now-a-days have no idea how many and which positive changes have been put into place for expectant mums since the 1970s. So, expectant dads started ‘being there’ at the same time expectant mums had more choices.

 • But what exactly is your role?

What are you expected to do?

Doin

g w

hat …

‘bein

g

there

’?

It’s obvious that your pregnant partner is ‘doing’ the labour or

having the cesarean. It’s obvious that either a

midwife or an obstetrician is ‘in charge’

and that leaves you … doing what … ‘being

there’? But hold on. We’ve got you already at the birth but we actually need to back up

and throw this question at you. When does a man become a father? If you totally understand when

men become fathers then you are more likely to

know what to do and what ‘being there’ during the

birth of your baby actually means.

Check this viewpoint-

Let’s ask the question from this viewpoint. When does a woman become a mother? Many people would say … ‘when she falls pregnant’. Many women would tell you that she does start to become a mother once she falls pregnant but that doesn’t mean she knows how-to be a mother or knows how-to give birth.

Compare the natural physiological process of being hungry. Does that mean you automatically know what foods are poisonous or safe to eat? Nope. Nor does your hunger actually lead you to know how-to cook. These are both learned skills.

Make that transition-

Don’t assume your pregnant wife/partner knows how-to

give birth. If women automatically knew how,

women won’t have wanted their husband/partners with them. Women wanted help.

They wanted your help.

Th

e tra

nsitio

n-

Do men automatically know how-to help a woman give birth? ‘Being there’ is

definitely NOT a type of skill.

Together a woman and a man (you and your partner) get to grow into motherhood and

fatherhood. Thankfully pregnancy gives you both 9 months to make that transition and

learn skills for the birth and parenting.

Do th

e b

irth-

What’s weird is that women are not focused on ‘the birth’ in the early months of pregnancy. In fact many women are only focused on how they feel and whether they ‘show’ or look fat. You get bombarded with her emotional and physical changes. Very little, almost no attention is paid to men during this period. How sad.

Let’s just put this into perspective. As a man, you are becoming a father throughout your pregnancy. ‘The Birth’ is the gateway through which both men and women must travel in order to become a father or mother … parents. In reality you get a precious 16 weeks or less to learn the appropriate skills to ‘do the birth’. This goes for your wife/partner as well.

There is a huge difference between ‘getting through’ a birth from knowing how-to work with a baby’s efforts to be born. In order to move from having birth happen to you to becoming a skilled father or mother-to-be, you must learn a set of very specific skills that will work in

whatever birth you have that day even if it’s not the birth you plan or want.

As a man, you will feel more confident as a father of a newborn because you have actually known how-to help your wife/partner work through the process of letting a very big object out of her body. Whether you are having a natural birth or medical one (including a non-labouring cesarean) both of you can take time during pregnancy to prepare her body (a container) to let this big object (your baby) out. Then, together you can work with your baby’s efforts to be born. With skills you both can birth better even if you don’t have a better birth.

When you work together as a couple during pregnancy and during ‘the birth’ then you will work together better in early parenting as partners. Without skills too many men actually are just ‘there’ during the birth and their wife/partner know he hasn’t helped as much as she needed. This leaves her disappointed and not trusting your ability to parent a newborn. Remember women have to also learn both how-to birth and parent. The difference is female physiology requires her to go through the process whether she likes it or not. You have a choice.

Make the choice to become a skilled birthing

partner. You are becoming a father.

Visit us at: www.birthingbetter.com

www.thepinkkit.com