effective workplace writing - cal...

Professional Writing

Effective Workplace Writing

1


How do you feel about this sentence?

2

After establishing the efficacy of leveraging the capacities of the employee-management interface, management opportunities will be promulgated throughout the multilateral interface effected by the relevant corporations.


Johnny has a 7-page paper to write.

3

He only has 5 pages worth of things to say.

What does he do???

FLUFF


Fluff the following:

4

Birds fly.

Here’s a version: Members of the bird family may flap their wings to get into the air.

Lard factor: 600%


5

Worse yet: Wings may be flapped by members of the bird family to enable them to get into the air.

700%Lard factor:


Sally forgot to study that section, and there’s an essay question on it.

What does she do?

6

BLUSTER


Bluster the following: Birds fly.

7

Here’s a version: Members of the bird family may perform certain actions whereby an effect is achieved.

Lard factor: 600%

(Okay, so it's not really a


Tony the Classics major wants to impress the new boss with his intelligence and education.

What does he do?

8

G(R)EEK

He forgets the boss is highly educated in engineering.

(and Latin)


G(r)eek the following: Birds fly.

9

Here’s a version: It is a fact that members of the avian species achieve an airborne condition through the means of feathered appendages.

Lard factor: 900%P. S. Trojans suck!


Judas doesn’t want the clients to know he is up to no good.

10

What does he do?

WEASEL


Weasel the following:

11

Here’s a version: It has come to our attention that the aeronautical device in question has experienced unforeseen challenges in the area of meeting the expected parameters.

Lard factor: 300%

Say what?

The $200M prototype plane doesn’t fly.


What is the “official style”?

12


The official style uses too many passives, often imprecisely:

13

The report will be completed at the time when it is required to be submitted.

The report will be completed at the time when it is required to be submitted.

We will complete the report by the deadline.


The official style uses too many long, pompous words, often imprecisely:

14

Pertinent missives are characterized by a cacophonous plethora of obfuscation, obsequiousness, obliquity, etc. contumaciously obtruding on your time constraints.

Lousy writing wastes time.


The official style uses too many long, pompous words, often imprecisely:

15

I say, that ursine juggernaut did assay to sup upon my person!

GO BRUINS!

(Russell Brand)


Pop Quiz!

16

Who said this?

“I am disinclined to acquiesce to your request.”


The official style uses extra words, often confusing the reader:

17

You agree that by registering on LinkedIn, or by using the our website, including our mobile applications, developer platform, premium services, or other information provided as part of the LinkedIn services (collectively “LinkedIn” or the “Services”), you are entering into a legally binding agreement with LinkedIn Corporation, 2029 Stierlin Court, Mountain View, California 94043, USA if you reside in the United States, and with LinkedIn Ireland Limited if you reside anywhere else in the world (“we,” “us,” “our,” and “LinkedIn”) based on the terms of this LinkedIn User Agreement and the LinkedIn Privacy Policy, which is hereby incorporated by reference (collectively referred to as the “Agreement”) and become a LinkedIn user (“User”). —http://www.linkedin.com/static?key=user_agreement

http://www.linkedin.com/static?key=privacy_policy


The official style uses long embedded sentences, which both reader and writer can get lost in:

18

The CBC which discourages the use of unreinforced masonry because of the risk of failure of a structure due to seismic instabilities along the identified and unidentified fault lines.


The official style wastes ink, paper, bandwidth, time, money and patience.

19


How do we get rid of official style?

20

Delete expletives: It is

There is

There are (Not *#%@!#%#)


Practice getting rid of expletives:

It is a fact that bears like pork.

There are too many textbooks that cost over $100.

There is a bear prowling around at the bottom of this slide.



22

Avoid using more than one or two prepositions in a sentence: Prepositions: aboard, about, above, across, after, against, along, amid, among, anti, around, as, at, before, behind, below, beneath, beside, besides, between, beyond, but, by, concerning, considering, despite, down, during, except, excepting, excluding, following, for, from, in, inside, into, like, minus, near, of, off, on, onto, opposite, outside, over, past, per, plus, regarding, round, save, since, than, through, to, toward, towards, under, underneath, unlike, until, up, upon, versus, via, with, within, without


Limit prepositions.The CEO of the corporation that is under the

governance of the code that is used by every organization in a similar field as the one in question was asked by the employees of said corporation to assist in the achievement of higher rates of pay.

23

The CEO of the corporation that is under the governance of the code that is used by every organization in a similar field as the one in question was asked by the employees of said corporation to assist in the achievement of higher rates of pay.


Limit dependent clauses.The CEO of the corporation that is under the

governance of the code that is used by every organization in a similar field as the one in question was asked by the employees of said corporation to assist in the achievement of higher rates of pay.

23

The CEO of the corporation that is under the governance of the code that is used by every organization in a similar field as the one in question was asked by the employees of said corporation to assist in the achievement of higher rates of pay. The employees asked the CEO for a raise because other workers in their position have better pay.



24

Try to keep sentence length under 23 words.

Remove unneeded words.

Chop the sentence into pieces.into pieces.


Chop up this sentence:

The CEO, after talking to the undersecretary and the boss after they return from their holiday where they networked with several potential clients and discussed contract issues with labor, will announce the delivery of the new computer systems, which will cost approximately $10, 000 due to inflation and special orders.

25


And now we'll consider some other aspects of professional writing.

26


Consider these words:

26

• Posses

• Costumers

• Defiantly

• Mangers

• Apart of

• Upmost• aact.org, 2013

http://aact.org


Use these words carefully:

• Issues

• Different (instead of various)

• Amount

• Begging the question

26

an argument taking for granted what it's trying to prove: "This class is popular because a lot of people want to take it."

Prompting


Did you know you only have to space once after a period?

26

Not: I like bears. They like honey. But: I like bears. They like honey.

Quick fact!


Do these words mean the same thing?

26

descending

falling

dropping

going down

tumbling

plummeting

plunging

diving

Connotations


Which would you rather hear from the cockpit?

27

Connotations

descending

dropping

going down

diving

beginning the descent for a water landing

The airplane isPan Am Flight 6, October 16, 1956

Pacific Ocean


What’s the problem with this sentence?

You can drink alcohol in public in Atascadero.

28

The General You


Avoid vague words.

29

Save Your Readers Time

A lot


Avoid vague words.

29


Large


Avoid ambiguous statements.

30


Although native to Japan, Manila clams are becoming increasingly popular in the United States and can be found in the seafood section of most supermarkets. — Bon Apétit, June 2010


I will call contractors to take the stumps out. Some of them are really thick.

36

Avoid ambiguous statements.


Use jargon only for appropriate audiences:

Special moment connection

35

Necking zone

Elastic perfectly plastic


Quick tip:

31

In order to = To

In order to eat a banana, you must peel it.

To eat a banana, you must peel it.

The reason . . . is because . . . = becauseOther cuts


Proofread.

By the standards of the West Coast, where earthquakes are much more common, the Virginia quake was mild. Since 1900, there have been 40 quakes of magnitude 5.8 or greater in California alone. There have been 43 of magnitude 6 or greater.

—8/23/11 Quake rocks Washington area, felt on East Coast By BOB LEWIS - Associated Press

32

Twice. Or More.


Proofread.

Even tied up, I'm going to get cited for leaving my dog by a bench, as if he could attack someone all tied up.

— March 2, 2012 The Tribune

32

Twice. Or More.


What is the most important element of a communication?

33

What is the second most important element of a communication?

Purpose

Readers


The Endfor now

34

Always put yourself in your reader’s place.


After I interviewed him I was surprised to hear how much he liked his job.

31

effective workplace writing - cal...

Documents