effective and successful mentoring

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Effective and Successful Mentoring

October 15, 2009

© FEMCO - Female Empowerment Consulting & Coaching

1. Introduction to effective Mentoring2. Mindset: Mentoring as a Joint Venture3. Making it work: roles and relationship4. Getting started



In Greek mythology, Mentor was a friend and trusted counselor of Odysseus. When Odysseus left for the Trojan War he placed Mentor in charge of his son Telemachus and of his palace.

The goddess Athena disguised herself as Mentor for the purpose of giving counsel to Telemachus. She encouraged Telemachus to find out what happened to his father.


Today we still refer to a Mentor as a wise (wo)man

“An experienced and trusted adviser” (Oxford English Dictionary )

“A trusted counselor or guide, tutor, coach” (Merriam-Webster's Collegiate Dictionary )

What do you think about these definitions?


Building blocks of a Mentoring Program

• Deliberate learning is the cornerstone

• Both failure and success are powerful teachers

• Leaders need to tell their stories

• Development matures over time

• Mentoring is a joint venture


Mentoring as a Joint Venture with shared equity, costs, benefits and control

Preparing the “Mentoring Joint Venture”1. Screening of prospective partners

• Who will be your Mentor / Mentee?2. Joint development of a business plan

• What do you both want to achieve?3. Due diligence - checking the credentials of the other party

• Can I give trust and open up?4. Defining the most appropriate structure

• How to organize our exchanges?5. Development of an exit strategy

• When is it not working, or when is it accomplished?


Successful Mentoring means sharing the responsibility


Drafting up the business plan: the Mentoring contract

Successful Mentoring begins with setting a contract for learning around which the Mentor and the Mentee are aligned: what do they want to achieve?

What are your expectations, what do you want to achieve as a Mentee / Mentor ?


Talk About It

Sharing Experiences as a Mentor Why did you become a Mentor? Who was your Mentor? What did you learn from them? Why was the experience good for you? Or bad? Share your thoughts on this subject.

Sharing Expectations as Mentee Why did you become a Mentee? Past experiences with Mentors? What did you learn? What would be a good experience for you? Or Bad? Share your thoughts on this subject.


10 Good Reasons to become a Mentor

1. You'll learn. By serving as a mentor, you'll learn from your mentees2. You’ll build your leadership and management skills3. You’ll receive recognition from peers and superiors4. You'll review and validate what you know and what you've

accomplished5. You'll probably feel satisfied, proud, and energized6. You’ll get a new and fresh outlook on your own job, challenges and way

forward7. Mentoring could have future personal payoffs8. The opportunity to meet new colleagues and expand your circle of

networking9. You'll leave the world better than you found it. Leave your legacy10. Your chance to pay back


10 Good Reasons to become a Mentee

1. You’ll gain self knowledge, facilitating self management2. You’ll receive honest and informal feedback 3. You’ll enhance your professional development4. You’ll build your network of professional contacts5. You’ll benefit from a different perspective on your current situation6. You’ll be exposed to new ideas, theories, practices, and/or people7. You’ll acquire another perspective on career management and success

factors8. You’ll gain insights by exchanging your views, testing your ideas9. You’ll get support and acknowledgment from your Mentor10. You’ll work smarter, not harder


Mentor Commitment

I will make a personal connection based on trust and mutual respect and listen to my Mentee's needs and concerns

I will help my Mentee to define career goals and provide networking opportunities to attain those goals

I will share my knowledge of educational and professional requirements to prepare my Mentee for his/her career

I will offer information, advice, references, and resources to assist my Mentee's needs

I will offer constructive feedback, and allow my Mentee to learn from his/her mistakes

I will give help and support in a non-threatening way, in a manner that the recipient will appreciate and value and that will empower them to move forward with confidence towards what they want to achieve


Mentee Commitment

I'm responsible for my career goals and would enjoy the benefit of a mentor's guidance to create a plan for success

I'm ready to listen and to share my ideas to develop a give and take relationship

I'm ready to receive objective feedback to consider new ideas and new approaches suggested by my Mentor

I’m ready to give objective feedback to my Mentor in order to work towards our objectives

I have realistic expectations for my Mentor relationship. No one is perfect and good relationships take honesty, effort and time

I'm busy with work, but I'm ready to make a commitment by meeting up / communicating with my Mentor


Mentors and Mentees need people skills and will build these skills through the relationship

1. They both need communication skills to articulate problems and ideas

2. To listen and to challenge constructively3. The ability to be honest with oneself and the other

partner and to reflect upon what is being said, both at the time and subsequently

4. Capacity for empathy

Taken from Megginson et al Mentoring in Action - a practical guide 2006 Kogan Page


10 Core Competences for Mentors – according to Mentees

1. Knows what I am talking about, has experienced this2. Not intimidating, easy to approach at any time3. Interested in me (the Mentee) personally, genuine concern4. Provides subtle guidance, but ensures I make decisions5. Actually questions me6. Willing to debate / challenge me7. Will give honest answers8. Does not blame, stays neutral9. Is enabling, caring, open and facilitative10. Gives constructive and positive feedback

Adapted from The effective mentoring section of the Edgehill University core reference material original data from Brigden 2000


12 Habits of an Ineffective Mentor1. Think that you know better than the mentee what’s in his or her best interest.2. Remind them frequently how much they have still to learn.3. Decide what you and the mentee will talk about and when; change dates and themes

frequently to prevent complacency sneaking in.4. Do most of the talking; check frequently that they are paying attention.5. Make sure that they understand how trivial their concerns are compared to the weighty

issues you have to issue with.6. Remind the mentee how fortunate he/she is to have your undivided attention.7. Neither show, nor admit any personal weaknesses. Expect to be their role model in all

aspects of career development and personal values.8. Never ask them what they should expect of you – how would they know anyway?9. Demonstrate how important and well connected you are by sharing confidential

information they don’t need (or want) to know.10. Discourage any signs of levity or humour – this is a serious business.11. Take them to task when they don’t follow your advice.12. Never, ever admit that this could be a learning experience for both of you.

Source: David Clutterbuck

Which are you are more likely to fall back under pressure?Which behaviour is your Mentee most likely to stimulate in you?


Some guidelines to an effective Mentoring conversation • It must be completely confidential• Active Listening: ask open-ended questions rather than questions that

can be answered with a "yes" or "no“, paraphrasing, don’t interrupt• Understand that a Mentee’s/Mentor’s view of the world may be different

from your own• Avoid lecturing or passing judgment• Sensitivity: be sensitive to cultural and gender differences• Time: good mentoring takes time in active discourse and preparation• Don’t avoid positive confrontation, setting challenges together• Mentors guide Mentees through a problem-solving process rather than

state a solution to a problem for them• Summarize the conversation, agree on the outcome, take notes on

insights and next steps


Personal Vision Tool

Things I really enjoy doing

What brings me happiness/joy

Two best moments of my past week

Three things I’d do if I won the Lottery

Issues or causes I care deeply about

My most important values

Things I am good to excellent at

What I’d like to stop doing or do as little as possible


Personal Mission Statement

A personal mission statement explains who you are and who you want to be, and what you represent. You can use it to guide you when making choices and decisions, large and small, by asking yourself – does it help me become who I want to be? A personal mission statement also helps you explain who you are to others.A personal mission statement should answer three questions:

1. What is my life about – what is my life’s purpose?2. What do I stand for – what are my values?3. What accomplishments am I working toward that will help me fulfill my life’s purpose in a manner

consistent with my values?

Step 1: Clarifying personal purpose and values (use Personal Vision Tool)

Step 2: Drafting a Mission StatementLook over what you’ve written during Step 1. Then look again at the three questions a mission statement should answer.Consider how they fit together and how they can lead to a conclusion. Write a rough draft of your personal mission statement. It should be brief but should still express who you are.

My Mission Statement:


What kind of a Mentor will you be?

Before going further, it is a good idea to think back on the relationships that you have had in the past. Who in your past acted as a mentor to you? Take the time to think about a coach, a teacher or a family member who significantly influenced you when you were beginning your career. You will gain more from your future mentoring relationship if you take time, before you begin, to learn from your past. It doesn’t matter whether the person was referred to as a mentor, what is important is how the person influenced you and gave you special attention. Take the time to answer the following questions:

Personal Reflections – Mentors in your past1. As you think back to when you were beginning your career, do you recall in any individuals in particular?

Who were the people who really made a positive difference in your life? Make a list of them below.2. Select two of these individuals who were particularly influential. Why do you think they took a special

interest in you? What qualities did you have that made them want to spend time with you or encourage you?

3. What was it that made each of them a great mentor? What did these important people have in common?4. What might these experiences teach you about how you want to be as a mentor? What lessons can you

take away from these role models?5. After analyzing these mentoring experiences from your past, consider the following:

1. Mentoring is important to me because:2. In becoming a mentor, I hope to gain the following:3. My mentee will gain the following from a relationship with me:

6. What expectations (both mine and the mentee’s) do I need to discuss with my mentee?


The Mentoring Contract

Create a set of specific short term and long term objectives for the relationship

List the preliminary developmental goals for the Mentee Note the expectations that both of you have for the relationship List the necessary contributions that both must make so the relationship

will work Create a tentative schedule for your formal meetings Set up a procedure for handling informal contacts between formal

sessions Determine who has the chief responsibility for driving the relationship Agree on confidentiality


CHECKLIST Preparing for the first meeting

Where might I meet with my mentor where we both would feel comfortable? List a few ideas below.

What are some things I could tell my mentor about myself that would help us get to know each other a little bit? What about me and my life story might be interesting and relevant to this mentor?

What are some questions I could ask my mentor to get to know him/her a little bit without prying? (Write some possible open-ended questions below)

What do I want out of the mentoring relationship – what are my hopes?

How can I find out what my mentor hopes to get out of the relationship – what questions might I ask?

Prepare a preliminary Personal Development Plan to go over during the meeting. Be careful to listen to how your mentor responds to your preparation. Ask him/her about the strengths or weaknesses of the plan. What does he/she think you need to work on? Can the mentor see opportunities for growth within your career?

Source: Strategies for success in mentoring - APEGGA


Mentee Personal Development Plan

Major objective:

What to improve/acquire/do?

How will I do it?

How will I know I did it?

When will I be satisfied?

How can my Mentor help me?

When do I need to get there?


Mentoring Session Reflections

Mentoring Session # .... Date .../.../...Concepts, ideas, frameworks which seem relevant / useful to me

Insights about my personal self

Insights about my professional self

Insights about my role

What I could do differently

What I could experiment with

Other thoughts and feelings

Adapted from Lynne Freeman (1999)


Continuous Follow up and Feedback

• Report back on your experiences• Positive reinforcement• Get to know each other• Keep focus on growth and accomplishments• Re-evaluate the relationship periodically• Look at the objectives• Plan termination of relationship if it has achieved results• Change objectives and scope if continuation is desired• Terminate relationship if things are not going well


Contact

Michèle MeesPartner at [email protected]

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