EditingA method of expanding, improving, and supporting

students’ writing.

Prompt

Describe the focal point featured in the photo of your choice.

Consider: Who? What? When? Where? How? Why?

Typical Response to Editing

Good job!

Excellent!

What else do you want?

It’s done.

Metacognition

In summary, metacognition is thinking about thinking.

“Metacognition refers to higher order thinking that involves active control over the thinking processes involved in learning.  Activities such as planning how to approach a given learning task, monitoring comprehension, and evaluating progress toward the completion of a task are metacognitive in nature. Because metacognition plays a critical role in successful learning it is important for both students and teachers. Metacognition has been linked with intelligence and it has been shown that those with greater metacognitive abilities tend to be more successful thinkers.” Holistic Education Network

Messy Room

My room is vey messy. It looks like a tornado went through it. There are toys everywhere. Clothes and garbage are on the floor.

Why is this dull?

How can this be improved?

Discuss this with your group.

The Messy Room Clothes wrestling on the floor,

The shirts and pants pinning the underwear,

The socks balled and stinky

Sprinkled like black olives over the furniture

 

In one corner

The mangled Barbies gather.

Malibu Barbie surfs a sea of headless Ken

Naked Hawaiian Hair Barbie drowns

In a mass of matted grass skirt

Wadded with grape bubble gum

That you had tried to save.

A legless Skipper has skipped her last time.

Legos crunch beneath your feet as you

Proceed to the unmade bed,

The bed you were supposed to make every day,

If you were the kind of child

That made her bed every day

That put her toys away,

And never drank milk from the carton

When no one was looking.

Barry Lane

Why is this better?

Discuss this with your group.

Basic Toolbox

Vivid verbs that show instead of tell

Precise nouns that paint pictures for readers

Sparing use of specific adjectives to enhance precise nouns, never to prop up weak nouns

Selective use of lively adverbs to spice up vivid verbs

Transitions to provide a smooth flow of ideas

Varied sentence structure to enhance cadence

Text Talk for Writing

VV = Vivid Verb

PN = Precise Noun

SA = Specific Adjective

LA = Lively Adverb

TR = Transition

SS = Varied Sentence Structure

Mark Twain

A man's character may be learned from the adjectives which he habitually uses

in conversation.

Don't say the old lady screamed. Bring her on and let her scream.

SA

An adjective has the power to transform a sentence. But, we can’t just stack them up into “assembly-line writing.” O’Conner

My Mom’s new, large, blue Ford Expedition rides high above the other small, compact cars around us on the crowded, busy highway.

The family sat down to dinner.

The Hawaiian family sat down to dinner.

LA

“The road to hell is paved with adverbs.” Stephen King

Use Sparingly

I spoke quietly.

The students prepared for science class.

The students secretly prepared for science class.

Sadler and Graham

“A writer’s proficiency in translating intentions and ideas into well-crafted sentences can impact both the reader and the writer.”

Overall writing quality improved after instruction in sentence combining techniques.

Knowledge may decrease cognitive load.

SS

Vary Sentence Structure and Elaborate

Prepositional Phrase

Appositives

Subordinating Conjunctions

Participial Phrase

Prepositional Phrase

I will not attend the party.

Without my mother’s permission, I will not attend the party.

Appositive Phrase

Ponyboy is the main character in The Outsiders.

He is likeable and interesting.

Ponyboy, the main character in The Outsiders, is likeable and interesting.

Subordinating Conjunction

Lila could not go to the mall.

She had to finish her chores.

Until she finished her chores, she could not go to the mall.

Participial Phrase 

Frank washed and polished the car.

He developed sore muscles.

Washing and polishing the car, Frank developed sore muscles.

Zoom Lens

Barry Lane calls it binoculars.

Jeff Anderson steals Naden’s term and calls it the absolute zoom.

Example: The Bicyclist raced.

Zoom into the smaller nouns.

Add an ing verb to each noun (participle)

Bicycle

Noun Participle

Pedals spinning, pumping, turning

Hands gripping, gripping handlebars

Wheels spinning, splashing, skidding

Face grunting, dripping

Legs pumping, standing, grinding

Sweat dripping, staining, soaking shirt

The Result

Legs pumping, sweat dripping, the bicyclist raced down the road.

Look at your piece and try it!

Peer Edit

Switch your writing with your shoulder partner.

Peer edit using the handy handout.

Revise

Share

Evaluate

VV _________________________________________

PN _________________________________________

SA _________________________________________

LA _________________________________________

TR _________________________________________

SS _________________________________________

Peer Edit

Be kind.

Add a comment.

Sample Comments Paragraph has a great thesis

Strong lead

You created a detailed picture in my mind

Great support (anecdote, quote, simile, etc.)

Works Cited

Anderson, Jeff. Mechanically Inclined: Building Grammar, Usage, and Style into Writer's Workshop. Portland, Me.: Stenhouse, 2005. Print.

Caskey, Joyce. ElaborWrite.Tampa, FL: The Writers Institute, LLC, ND. Print

Lane, Barry. Reviser's Toolbox. Shoreham, VT: Discover Writing, 1999. Print.

"Metacognition - Thinking about Thinking." Holistic Education - Tasmanian WWW Site. Holistic Education Network, 20 Jan. 2011. Web. 18 June 2011. <http://www.hent.org/world/rss/files/metacognition.htm>.