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Startup

Photo by Heisenberg Media [link]communication

Ed BatistaJune 28, 2016

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Startups as

Photo by Heisenberg Media [link]human systems

Ed BatistaJune 28, 2016

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Intro + exercise50 minsFeedback skills + exercise45 minsBreak10 minsGroup norms + exercise55 minsBreak10 minsFeedback conversation45 minsClosing15 mins AgendaPhoto by Theresa Thompson [link]

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Who am I?

Executive coachInstructor @StanfordBizContributor @HarvardBizMore at www.edbatista.com

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Startups

Photo by Heisenberg Media [link]

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Startups as

human systems

Complex group dynamicsCommunication = SurvivalFeedback = LearningRelationships matter

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Startups as

human systems

Think about this teamHow are we communicating?Whats working well? Whats not?What feedback would be helpful?

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The headline

Photo by Garry Knight [link]

Feedback is inherently stressful.But candor is essential for survival.So we have to learn to be directwithout triggering defensiveness.

800:55 5 Your goal is to learn about the others reality -- not to win (or give up

First, Listen! Again, listening is the art of seeking to understand vs. seeking to be understood. Good listening skills include:Focused/Active listeningParaphrase and acknowledge Remember your inquiry skills and ask open ended questionsListening and understanding does not meanagreeing with

Use the Interpersonal Cycle to deconstruct others statement when they are over the netTry to keep from explaining yourself [always sounds defensive]Instead, share the impact of the feedback on you.Also validate the other persons experience and express interest in working things outSay when youve had enough (or when the timing is not right)

Move toward mutual problem-solving -- you are not obligated to changeNow you have data on which to make a more informed choice

The simplest

Photo by Ana Karanina [link]feedback model

900:55 5 Your goal is to learn about the others reality -- not to win (or give up

First, Listen! Again, listening is the art of seeking to understand vs. seeking to be understood. Good listening skills include:Focused/Active listeningParaphrase and acknowledge Remember your inquiry skills and ask open ended questionsListening and understanding does not meanagreeing with

Use the Interpersonal Cycle to deconstruct others statement when they are over the netTry to keep from explaining yourself [always sounds defensive]Instead, share the impact of the feedback on you.Also validate the other persons experience and express interest in working things outSay when youve had enough (or when the timing is not right)

Move toward mutual problem-solving -- you are not obligated to changeNow you have data on which to make a more informed choice

The simplest

When you do [X], I feel [Y].feedback model

1000:55 5 Your goal is to learn about the others reality -- not to win (or give up

First, Listen! Again, listening is the art of seeking to understand vs. seeking to be understood. Good listening skills include:Focused/Active listeningParaphrase and acknowledge Remember your inquiry skills and ask open ended questionsListening and understanding does not meanagreeing with

Use the Interpersonal Cycle to deconstruct others statement when they are over the netTry to keep from explaining yourself [always sounds defensive]Instead, share the impact of the feedback on you.Also validate the other persons experience and express interest in working things outSay when youve had enough (or when the timing is not right)

Move toward mutual problem-solving -- you are not obligated to changeNow you have data on which to make a more informed choice

The simplest

When you do [X], I feel [Y].feedback model

1100:55 5 Your goal is to learn about the others reality -- not to win (or give up

First, Listen! Again, listening is the art of seeking to understand vs. seeking to be understood. Good listening skills include:Focused/Active listeningParaphrase and acknowledge Remember your inquiry skills and ask open ended questionsListening and understanding does not meanagreeing with

Use the Interpersonal Cycle to deconstruct others statement when they are over the netTry to keep from explaining yourself [always sounds defensive]Instead, share the impact of the feedback on you.Also validate the other persons experience and express interest in working things outSay when youve had enough (or when the timing is not right)

Move toward mutual problem-solving -- you are not obligated to changeNow you have data on which to make a more informed choice

Emotion

Photo by Jill M [link]

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Emotion

Antonio Damasio, USCWhat purpose do emotions serve?

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Emotion

Emotions evolved to support survivalUncontrolled emotion can lead us astray

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Emotion

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Emotion

Emotion is integral to reasoningEssential for efficient decision-making

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Emotion

Victor Johnston, New Mexico StateDiscriminant hedonic amplifiersBoost signals in our mental landscapeThis is why

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Emotions are

attention magnetsPhoto by Garrett Mace [link]

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10:20

Illustrate model with a personal story.18

Emotion

When you do [X], I feel [Y].Signifies importanceCaptures attentionNot foolproof

1900:55 5 Your goal is to learn about the others reality -- not to win (or give up

First, Listen! Again, listening is the art of seeking to understand vs. seeking to be understood. Good listening skills include:Focused/Active listeningParaphrase and acknowledge Remember your inquiry skills and ask open ended questionsListening and understanding does not meanagreeing with

Use the Interpersonal Cycle to deconstruct others statement when they are over the netTry to keep from explaining yourself [always sounds defensive]Instead, share the impact of the feedback on you.Also validate the other persons experience and express interest in working things outSay when youve had enough (or when the timing is not right)

Move toward mutual problem-solving -- you are not obligated to changeNow you have data on which to make a more informed choice

Photo by The Mighty Tim Inconnu [link]

The net

David Bradford & Jerry Porras, StanfordHow can we avoid misunderstandings?How can we improve feedback?

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The net

You

Me

MyresponseYourbehavior

Yourintention

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What I know

Me

Myresponse

Yourbehavior

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What I dont

YouYourintention

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You

What you knowYourintention

Yourbehavior

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What you dont

MeMyresponse

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Use the model

Focus on what we knowAvoid guessing at what we dontHelp the other person via disclosureWhen you do [X], I feel [Y].

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Can I give you

Photo by Robbie Grubbs [link] some feedback?

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Why is feedback

Photo by Robbie Grubbs [link] so stressful?

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Feedback andPhoto by Mykl Roventine [link]

social threat

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Photo by State Farm [link]

Threat response

Fight, flight or freeze

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Photo by State Farm [link]

Threat response

PhysiologicalAdrenaline & cortisolOptimized for strength & speed

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Photo by State Farm [link]

Threat response

EmotionalFear & angerPrimed for snap judgments

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Photo by State Farm [link]

Threat response

CognitiveNegativity biasImpairment & diminished capacity

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Social threat

Photo by David Sim [link]

Some social situations Physical threatsSame responsePhysiologicalEmotionalCognitive

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Social threat

Photo by David Sim [link]

Result?Communication failureSignificant implications for feedback

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Photo by Andrew Vargas [link] SCARF model

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SCARF model

David Rock, NeuroLeadership InstituteWhat social situations trigger a threat response?How can we minimize the risk of social threat?

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SCARF model

Status

Photo by the National Guard [link]

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SCARF model

StatusCertainty

Photo by Amy Ashcraft [link]

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SCARF model

StatusCertaintyAutonomy

Photo by Charles Hoffman [link]

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SCARF model

StatusCertaintyAutonomyRelatedness

Photo by Don-Pixel [link]

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SCARF model

StatusCertaintyAutonomyRelatednessFairnessPhoto by JMTImages [link]

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Photo by Andrew Vargas [link]

Use the model

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Reframe the experienceOffering feedback Higher statusEmphasize choice & agencyBuild the relationship*Remember the Net

When getting

feedback

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When giving

Avoid a threat responseBe mindful of perceived statusMore certainty & autonomyBuild the relationship*Remember the Netfeedback

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Startups as

human systems

Think about your teamWhen do you experience social threat?When might you trigger it in someone else?

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The balcony &

Photo by Richard Leeming [link]the dance floorRon Heifetz

Ron Heifetz47

EQ and groups

Photo by Woodleywonderworks [link]

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EQ and groups

Vanessa Druskat (UNH) & Steven WolffWhat characterizes effective teams?

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EQ and groups

Participation, cooperation, collaborationA problem: You cant mandate behaviorBehaviors arise under key conditions

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EQ and groups

Mutual trustGroup identity (feeling of belonging)Group efficacy (belief in value of the team)Affected by the groups emotional intelligence

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EQ and groups

Individual EQEmotional awarenessEmotion regulation ( Suppression)Inward (my emotions)Outward (others emotions)

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EQ and groups

High EQ individuals High EQ groupGroup norms determine group EQCreate awareness of emotionsHelp regulate emotions

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A note on

Norma (carpenters square)language

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A note on

Norms areAspirations (What we should do)Prescriptions (What we must do)Descriptions (What we actually do)

language

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Talking about

feelingsPhoto by Andrew Yee [link]

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Talking about

Affect labelingTalking disrupts negative emotionTalking about emotion > Thinking about emotionfeelings

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Talking about

A group dynamicDetermined by group normsIs it OK for us to talk about feelings here?feelings

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Startups as

human systems

Think about how you show up on this teamHow aware are you of your emotions?How well do you regulate your emotions?What norms make this work easier or harder?

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Group normsPhoto by jm3 [link]

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We never We always1. Spend time getting to knoweach other personally. Norms that createawareness

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We never We always2. Regularly ask how others are doing. Norms that createawareness

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We never We always3. Share our thoughts and emotionsin the moment. Norms that createawareness

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We never We always4. Ask those who have been quiet in a discussion what they think. Norms that createawareness

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We never We always5. Fully explore others resistanceto our decisions. Norms that createawareness

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We never We always6. Set aside time to discuss and evaluateour own effectiveness. Norms that createawareness

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We never We always7. Acknowledge and discuss the feelingin the group in the moment. Norms that createawareness

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We never We always1. Have clear ground rules for productive behavior in meetings. Norms that helpregulate

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We never We always2. Call out behavior that violatesthose ground rules. Norms that helpregulate

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We never We always3. Express acceptance ofothers emotions. Norms that helpregulate

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We never We always4. Make time to discuss difficulties within the teamand the emotions they generate. Norms that helpregulate

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We never We always5. Use playfulness to acknowledgeand relieve stress. Norms that helpregulate

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We never We always6. Express optimism aboutthe teams capabilities. Norms that helpregulate

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We never We always7. Provide others with positivefeedback in the moment. Norms that helpregulate

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Discuss with

What norms are working well?What norms would we like to change?Where do we agree? Where do we differ?

Photo by jm3 [link]your partner

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Photo by Harsha KR [link]

Relationships

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Relationships

John Gottman, University of WashingtonWhat characterizes successful relationships?

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Relationships

Feeling known by the otherA culture of appreciationResponding to bidsMutual influenceA soft start*

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Startups as

human systems

Think about your relationships hereHow are you investing in them?What else might you do?

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A soft start

Photo by Phil McElhinney [link]

Not like this

80Be empathetic and reassuring Im imagining this could be hard to hear I hope you can hear it as in invitation vs. rejection or criticism; if I were you I would be having a hard time

Reassuring is affective, reiterate intent is cognitive

How we receive feedback and handle our own defensiveness has a big impact on the willingness of others to give us feedback

A soft start

Photo by Oakley Originals [link]

Like this

81Be empathetic and reassuring Im imagining this could be hard to hear I hope you can hear it as in invitation vs. rejection or criticism; if I were you I would be having a hard time

Reassuring is affective, reiterate intent is cognitive

How we receive feedback and handle our own defensiveness has a big impact on the willingness of others to give us feedback

Begin with authentic positive intentEmphasize mutual goals A soft start

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Defensiveness

Photo by Mario Emiliano Fernandez [link]

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Defensiveness

Photo by Mario Emiliano Fernandez [link]

Stone & Heen, Harvard Program on NegotiationWhat prevents feedback from being heard?What causes defensiveness?

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Defensiveness

Three triggersTruthIdentityRelationshipWhat can we do?

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Photo by Andrew Vargas [link]

Use the models

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Reframe the experienceOffering feedback Higher statusEmphasize choice & agencyBuild the relationshipRemember the Net

When getting

feedback

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When giving

Avoid a threat responseBe mindful of perceived statusMore certainty & autonomyBuild the relationshipRemember the Netfeedback

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Photo by The Mighty Tim Inconnu [link] The net

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The net

You

Me

MyresponseYourbehavior

Yourintention

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What I know

Me

Myresponse

Yourbehavior

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What I dont

YouYourintention

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You

What you knowYourintention

Yourbehavior

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What you dont

MeMyresponse

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Use the models

Focus on what we knowAvoid guessing at what we dontHelp the other person via disclosureWhen you do [X], I feel [Y].

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5 levelsPhoto by Rita Willaert [link]

Richard Francisco, San Jos StateIncreasing levels of meaning, value and risk

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96Be empathetic and reassuring Im imagining this could be hard to hear I hope you can hear it as in invitation vs. rejection or criticism; if I were you I would be having a hard time

Reassuring is affective, reiterate intent is cognitive

How we receive feedback and handle our own defensiveness has a big impact on the willingness of others to give us feedback

5 levelsPhoto by Rita Willaert [link]1: Ritual2: Extended Ritual3: Content4: Feelings About Content5: Feelings About Each Other

97Be empathetic and reassuring Im imagining this could be hard to hear I hope you can hear it as in invitation vs. rejection or criticism; if I were you I would be having a hard time

Reassuring is affective, reiterate intent is cognitive

How we receive feedback and handle our own defensiveness has a big impact on the willingness of others to give us feedback

5 levelsPhoto by Rita Willaert [link]5: Feelings About Each Other

HardestRiskiestMost meaningful

98Be empathetic and reassuring Im imagining this could be hard to hear I hope you can hear it as in invitation vs. rejection or criticism; if I were you I would be having a hard time

Reassuring is affective, reiterate intent is cognitive

How we receive feedback and handle our own defensiveness has a big impact on the willingness of others to give us feedback

Remember

Challenge yourselfPhoto by Daniel Oines [link]

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Thank you!

Photo by Sharat Ganapati [link]

www.edbatista.com @edbatista

100Setting the Context for Feedback Groundrules Discussion (What groundrules would help me be an effective participant in giving and receiving feedback)Organize folks so that each person has two people they work with/know wellGive them time to plan feedback with eachBring them back and do speed dating format feedback two rounds so that every person has done it twiceFacilitator calls out time for switching"Second conversation" about feedback