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OPINION
Is There Life After Work?By ERIN CALLAN
Publi shed: March 9, 2013
SANIBEL, Fla.
AT an office party in 2005, one of my
colleagues asked my then husband
what I did on weekends. She knew me
as someone with great intensity and
energy. Does she kayak, go rock
climbing and then run a half
marathon? she joked. No, he
answered simply, she sleeps. And
that was true. When I wasnt catching
up on work, I spent myweekends
recharging my batteries for the
coming week. Work always came
first, before my family, friends and marriage which ended just a
few years later.
In recent weeks I have been following with interest the escalating debate about work-lifebalance and the varying positions of Facebooks Sheryl Sandberg, Marissa Mayer of Yahoo
and the academicAnne-Marie Slaughter, among others. Since I resigned my position as
chief financial officer of Lehman Brothers in 2008, amid mounting chaos and a cloud of
public humiliation only months before the company went bankrupt, I have had ample
time to reflect on the decisions I made in balancing (or failing to balance) my job with the
rest of my life. The fact that I call it the rest of my life gives you an indication where
work stood in the pecking order.
I dont have children, so it might seem that my story lacks relevance to the work-life
balance debate. Like everyone, though, I did have relationships a spouse, friends and
family and none of them got the best version of me. They got what was left over.
I didnt start out with the goal of devoting all of myself to my job. It crept in over time.Each year that went by, slight modifications became the new normal. First I spent a half-
hour on Sunday organizing my e-mail, to-do list and calendar to make Monday morning
easier. Then I was working a few hours on Sunday, then all day. My boundaries slipped
away until work was all that was left.
Inevitably, when I left my job, it devastated me. I couldnt just rally and move on. I did
not know how to value who I was versus what I did. What I did was who I was.
I have spent several years now living a different version of my life, where I try to apply
my energy to my new husband, Anthony, and the people whom I love and care about.
But I cant make up for lost time. Most important, although I now have stepchildren, I
missed having a child of my own. I am 47 years old, and Anthony and I have been trying
in vitro fertilization for several years. We are still hoping.
Sometimes young women tell me they admire what Ive done. As they see it, I worked
hard for 20 years and can now spend the next 20 focused on other things. But that is not
balance. I do not wish that for anyone. Even at the best times in my career, I w as never
deluded into thinking I had achieved any sort of rational allocation between my life at
Dwindling
Deficit Disorder
When t o Say No
to the Keystone
XL
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1 . OPINION
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Is There Life After Work?
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3/12/13 Is There Life After Work? - NYTimes.com
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A vers ion of this op-ed appeared in print on March 10, 2013, on page SR9 of the New York edition with the headline: Is
There Life A fter Work?.
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Lehma n Brother s Holdings Inc
work and my life outside.
I have often wondered whether I would have been asked to be C.F.O. if I had not worked
the way that I did. Until recently, I thought my singular focus on my career was the most
powerful ingredient in my success. But I am beginning to realize that I sold myself short.
I was talented, intelligent and energetic. It didnt have to be so extreme. Besides, there
were diminishing returns to that kind of labor.
I didnt have to be on my BlackBerry from my first moment in the morning to my last
moment at night. I didnt have to eat the majority of my meals at my desk. I didnt have
to fly overnight to a meeting in Europe on my birthday. I now believe that I could havemade it to a similar place with at least some better version of a personal life. Not without
sacrifice I dont think I could have had it all but with somewhat more harmony.
I have also wondered where I would be today if Lehman Brothers hadnt collapsed. In
2007, I did start to have my doubts about the way I was living my life. Or not really living
it. But I felt locked in to my career. I had just been asked to be C.F.O. I had a
responsibility. Without the crisis, I may never have been strong enough to step away.
Perhaps I needed what felt at the time like some of the worst experiences in my life to
come to a place where I could be grateful for the life I had. I had to learn to begin to
appreciate what was left.
At the end of the day, that is the best guidance I can give. Whatever valuable advice I
have about managing a career, I am only now learning how to manage a life.
Erin Callan is the former chief financial officer of Lehman Brothers.
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