Chapter 8: Comm.
Skills/InterpersonalBy: Miranda Emery
Comforting MessagesComforting- Helping people feel better about
themselves, their behavior, or their situation.
Skills Clarify supportive intentions Buffer face threats with politeness
Buffering messages- Cushion the effect of what is said by using pos. and neg. politeness.
Pos. face needs- Desire to be appreciated, approved, liked, honored
Neg. face needs- Desires to be free from imposition and intrusion
Encourage understanding through other-centered massages (encourage our partner to talk about and elaborate on what happened and how he/she feels)
Comforting MessagesReframe the situation- Offering ideas,
observations, information, or alternative explanations that might help a relational partner understand a situation in a different light
Give advice- Presenting relevant suggestions and proposals that a person can use to resolve a situation
Gender and Cultural Considerations
Research suggests both men and women place high value on emotional support
Men are less likely to use other-centered messages
Members of all social groups find solace strategies, esp. other-centered messages, the most sensitive and comforting way to provide emotional support
Differences based on culture (pg. 160)
Managing Privacy and Disclosure
Disclosure- Revealing confidential or secret information
Privacy Management- Exercise of control over confidential or secret information in order to enhance autonomy or minimize vulnerability
Privacy- Right of an individual to keep biographical data personal ideas, and feelings secret
Culture, gender, motivation, context, and risk-benefit analysis are criteria for revealing/consealing information
See pg. 161for differences in race, culture, etc.
Managing Privacy and Disclosure
Effects on intimacyDue to dialectical tensions within a
relationship, people move back and forth between greater disclosure and moves to reestablish privacy
Reasons for privacyProtect other’s feelingsAvoid unnecessary conflictSensitivity to other’s needsProtecting the relationship
Managing Privacy and Disclosure
Expectations of reciprocityThere can be a lag after one person discloses
before the other reciprocates“I love you”...”Umm…thanks.”
Information co-ownershipCan you keep a secret?
Managing Privacy and Disclosure
Guidelines and communication strategies for disclosureSharing personal information
Self-disclose to others what you want them to disclose to you
Self-disclose when acceptable riskContinue self-disclosure only if reciprocatedGradually move to deeper levels of self-disclosureReserve very personal information for ongoing
relationships
Managing Privacy and Disclosure
Sharing feelingsDescribing feelings- Naming the emotions you feel
without judging themIdentify the behavior that triggered the feelingIdentify the specific emotionFrame your response as an “I” statementVerbalize the specific feeling
Providing personal feedbackDescribing behavior- Recounting specific behaviors of
another without commenting on their appropriateness
Praising positive behaviorGiving constructive criticism- Describing specific
behavior of another that hurts the person or that person’s relationship with others
ManagingPrivacy and Disclosure
Communication strategies for managing privacy
Indirect strategies for maintaining privacy Change the subject Mask feelings Tell a white lie
Direct strategies for maintaining privacy: Establish a boundary- Effectively respond to people who expect you to disclose information you prefer to keep private Recognize why you are choosing not to share the
information Identify your rule that guided this decision Form an “I”-centered message that briefly establishes a
boundary
Negotiating Different Needs
Communicating personal needsPassive behavior- Not expressing our personal or
defending our rights because we value the other person more than independence
Aggressive behavior- Forcefully making claims for our rights and preferences with little or no regard for others
Assertive behavior- Expressing our preferences while respecting others
Cultural VariationsAssertive behavior is generally valued in
individualistic cultures
Managing Conflict in Relationships
Interpersonal conflict- When the needs and ideas of one are at odds with needs and ideas of another
Styles of conflict Withdrawing- Removal of self from conflict Accommodating- Satisfying others needs, neglecting
your own Forcing- Satisfying your needs with no regard to others Compromising- Each party gives up a part of what they
want so each can have some needs met Collaborating- Arriving at a solution that is mutually
satisfying
Conflict Management Styles
1 2
3
3
High
High
Low
LowConcern for OthersC
once
rn f
or
Self
Compromise- Both parties
give something
Forcing- Your needs above
others
Collaboration- Mutually satisfying
Accommodating- Others needs above yours
Withdrawal-Removal of
self
Thank you!
Questions??