Chapter 8: Comm.

Skills/InterpersonalBy: Miranda Emery

Comforting MessagesComforting- Helping people feel better about

themselves, their behavior, or their situation.

Skills Clarify supportive intentions Buffer face threats with politeness

Buffering messages- Cushion the effect of what is said by using pos. and neg. politeness.

Pos. face needs- Desire to be appreciated, approved, liked, honored

Neg. face needs- Desires to be free from imposition and intrusion

Encourage understanding through other-centered massages (encourage our partner to talk about and elaborate on what happened and how he/she feels)

Comforting MessagesReframe the situation- Offering ideas,

observations, information, or alternative explanations that might help a relational partner understand a situation in a different light

Give advice- Presenting relevant suggestions and proposals that a person can use to resolve a situation

Gender and Cultural Considerations

Research suggests both men and women place high value on emotional support

Men are less likely to use other-centered messages

Members of all social groups find solace strategies, esp. other-centered messages, the most sensitive and comforting way to provide emotional support

Differences based on culture (pg. 160)

Managing Privacy and Disclosure

Disclosure- Revealing confidential or secret information

Privacy Management- Exercise of control over confidential or secret information in order to enhance autonomy or minimize vulnerability

Privacy- Right of an individual to keep biographical data personal ideas, and feelings secret

Culture, gender, motivation, context, and risk-benefit analysis are criteria for revealing/consealing information

See pg. 161for differences in race, culture, etc.

Managing Privacy and Disclosure

Effects on intimacyDue to dialectical tensions within a

relationship, people move back and forth between greater disclosure and moves to reestablish privacy

Reasons for privacyProtect other’s feelingsAvoid unnecessary conflictSensitivity to other’s needsProtecting the relationship

Managing Privacy and Disclosure

Expectations of reciprocityThere can be a lag after one person discloses

before the other reciprocates“I love you”...”Umm…thanks.”

Information co-ownershipCan you keep a secret?

Managing Privacy and Disclosure

Guidelines and communication strategies for disclosureSharing personal information

Self-disclose to others what you want them to disclose to you

Self-disclose when acceptable riskContinue self-disclosure only if reciprocatedGradually move to deeper levels of self-disclosureReserve very personal information for ongoing

relationships

Managing Privacy and Disclosure

Sharing feelingsDescribing feelings- Naming the emotions you feel

without judging themIdentify the behavior that triggered the feelingIdentify the specific emotionFrame your response as an “I” statementVerbalize the specific feeling

Providing personal feedbackDescribing behavior- Recounting specific behaviors of

another without commenting on their appropriateness

Praising positive behaviorGiving constructive criticism- Describing specific

behavior of another that hurts the person or that person’s relationship with others

ManagingPrivacy and Disclosure

Communication strategies for managing privacy

Indirect strategies for maintaining privacy Change the subject Mask feelings Tell a white lie

Direct strategies for maintaining privacy: Establish a boundary- Effectively respond to people who expect you to disclose information you prefer to keep private Recognize why you are choosing not to share the

information Identify your rule that guided this decision Form an “I”-centered message that briefly establishes a

boundary

Negotiating Different Needs

Communicating personal needsPassive behavior- Not expressing our personal or

defending our rights because we value the other person more than independence

Aggressive behavior- Forcefully making claims for our rights and preferences with little or no regard for others

Assertive behavior- Expressing our preferences while respecting others

Cultural VariationsAssertive behavior is generally valued in

individualistic cultures

Managing Conflict in Relationships

Interpersonal conflict- When the needs and ideas of one are at odds with needs and ideas of another

Styles of conflict Withdrawing- Removal of self from conflict Accommodating- Satisfying others needs, neglecting

your own Forcing- Satisfying your needs with no regard to others Compromising- Each party gives up a part of what they

want so each can have some needs met Collaborating- Arriving at a solution that is mutually

satisfying

Conflict Management Styles

1 2

3

3

High

High

Low

LowConcern for OthersC

once

rn f

or

Self

Compromise- Both parties

give something

Forcing- Your needs above

others

Collaboration- Mutually satisfying

Accommodating- Others needs above yours

Withdrawal-Removal of

self

Thank you!

Questions??