Potential Problems &

Coping Strategies

Dealing with ConflictDON’TDO

argue about who is right or wrong

assume you have all the facts

blame

judge

assume they meant it or had bad intentions

ignore the impact someone’s behavior has on you

explore each other’s stories. There is no truth – only perception

be curious to find out what you might not know

try to find out what everybody involved contributed to the conflict and look at what each party could have done differently to avoid escalation

try to stay open-minded

disentangle intent from impact – look at it separately. Inquire about their intentions and reflect on yours

explain how the action made you feel without blaming the other person

Dealing with Conflict

DON’TDO

get defensive if someone makes accusations

ignore or hide your feelings and avoid venting

ignore the other person’s feelings

focus solely on getting your point across

make statements disguised as questions

exaggerate with “Always” and “Never”

listen past the accusations for the feelings

describe your feelings carefully – express them without judging, attributing or blaming (start with “I feel…”)

acknowledge their feelings

be a persistent listener. Listen from the inside out and give feedback on what you have heard

ask clarifying and open-ended questions starting like: Do you believe that…What do you mean by…What caused you to…What stopped your from…

Give the other person room to change

In order to be accepted to St. Paul Prep, students must have sufficient English skills to understand basic English and participate in conversations.

However, some students may not be very talkative when they arrive in the U.S. Communication in a foreign language is extremely tiring and can be frustrating. Regional accents and faster speech might make understanding language harder. Depending upon the student’s cultural background or personality, he/she might feel embarrassed or too shy to ask people to repeat what they have said.

Perceived Lack of English Proficiency

In most cases a supportive environment can help students become more comfortable with the English language. Below are suggestions for how you can support your student:

◦ Speak slowly and ask your student if he/she understands. ◦ Occasionally ask your student to summarize a conversation

in his/her own words from what they understood.◦ Allow your student to take breaks and don’t take it personally

if they need to withdraw from conversations. ◦ Encourage your student to communicate openly. ◦ Assure your student that it is okay to make mistakes, as

mistakes are some of the best way to learn. ◦ Compliment your student’s efforts to communicate in a

foreign language and if you notice improvements, let them know!

Provide a Supportive Environment

If your student's ability to communicate in English does not improve despite a supportive environment, please contact the school to voice your concern. They will help determine what additional steps can be taken in order to overcome communication barriers.

Still No Improvement?

Spirituality is a deeply personal matter and religion may or may not be an important part of a host family or student's life.

If a student does not want to be involved in the host family’s religious activities, it is important to discuss his/her concerns, and respect their beliefs.

Differences in Religion

The following are examples for possible concerns. If your student: ◦ Is coming from a secular society and is not used to active

religious practices, be patient and allow the student to develop curiosity about different ways of living.

◦ Seems to have pre-conceived ideas about your religious affiliation that are based on inaccurate information, talk about this and give the student an opportunity to learn.

◦ Is concerned about being pressured into changing beliefs, reassure them that you have no intention to do so and remind them that life-changing decisions are against program rules.

◦ Is concerned about not being able to continue with their own religious practices (if different from yours), try to find ways for them to connect with their own religious affiliation.

◦ Is worried that they are expected to be involved in all of your church activities, have an open discussion and come to an agreement that works for everybody.

Differences in Religion …cont.

Internet dangers for teenagers include sexual exploitation or enticement.

Teenagers can be the target of cyber stalking or harassment that includes repeated and unwanted contact through the internet. There is also the risk of computer viruses that can cause great damage.

Other dangers include overuse of technology in general.

Dangers of the Internet

In most cases, an open conversation about expectations and setting ground rules regarding computer use will help to prevent problems.

Keep in mind that your student might come from a family with a different set of rules than you have.

The student’s cultural background might also have an impact on what he/she perceives as appropriate.

Computer Privileges

Here are some suggestions:

◦ Limit time on the computer to an appropriate length daily. If applicable, limit time used to Skype, stream movies in their language, or playing video games.

◦ Spend time with your student online, and have them teach you about their favorite online destinations.

◦ If they are using the family computer, make sure they understand not to download anything from strangers or open spam or junk e-mails that may contain viruses.

◦ Ask your student to immediately let you know if they receive offensive e-mails, chats or other communications and notify law enforcement if necessary.

◦ Teach your student to never provide personal information about him/herself or others online.

◦ Establish an agreement to never meet an online acquaintance in person.

◦ Consider using filtering or monitoring software for your computer or turning of the internet if necessary.

Computer Privileges …cont.

If you suspect that your student is accessing inappropriate materials on the Internet, try not to overreact. Many teenagers have a curiosity about sexuality which is normal. However, this doesn’t mean that you should ignore the behavior.

Your response should depend on the behavior, how often he/she exhibits this behavior and your own values. An isolated peek at soft pornographic material might not warrant an angry reaction but the student still should know how you feel about pornography and his/her behavior.

Suspicious Behavior

Address the issue in a sensitive way without making the student feel they have done something wrong. If the problem becomes more severe, or the viewing of pornography becomes obsessive, it needs to be addressed by the host parent.

The following behaviors might indicate that your student has a problem with pornography on the Internet: ◦ Spending an inordinate amount of daily time on the computer ◦ Withdrawing from host family and friends◦ Hiding of CDs◦ Use of computer files that end with the letters GIF, JPG, AVI,

BMP, TIF, PCX, DL, GL as these may contain pornographic images and therefore are worth looking at

◦ Quickly changing the computer screen when you enter the room◦ Changes in behavior (secretiveness, inappropriate sexual

knowledge, etc.)

Suspicious Behavior

Have a conversation with your student pointing out that repeated access of pornographic materials is not acceptable behavior.

Create a penalty such as limiting his/her computer privileges and increase the consequences if the offenses become repeated.

If the problem can not be resolved, please contact your SPP Coordinator for support.

If you are interested in learning more about Internet dangers and what (host) families can do to protect their family, go to the following websites:◦ http://www.protectkids.com◦ http://www.safekids.com

How to Address Serious Behavior

This completes the Potential Problems & Coping Strategies module.

The next module will cover culture shift – the signals, phases, and intercultural transition.

Next Module: Culture Shift