By John Grinvalds

When divorce strikes, something that began with so much happiness, joy and love can end with so much pain, resentment and regret. Divorce deeply impacts not only the lives of students, but it also affects the lives of the adults involved.

“Two happy people never get divorced,” janitor Michelle Smith-Dahlhauser said.

Though the reason for parents getting a divorce is usually enmity between the two, it does not always stay that way after the divorce. In fact, many adults have found it helpful for their relationship.

“I have a better relationship with my ex-wife now than in the last years of the marriage,” science teacher Brian Sass said.

“My ex-husband and I have a great rela-tionship,” technology teacher Amy Arens-berg said. “We email and text every day, and we sit next to each other at activities. There is no negativity between us.”

This sudden loss of negativity is seen by many of the adults.

“There is no more negative stress in the house like there was during the marriage,” Smith-Dahlhauser said.

Some adults even see the divorce as a chance for the kids to have better oppor-tunities.

“They (the kids) get to see and do more things,” Sass said. “We get to spend more personal time together.”

Arensberg added: “Though the kids don’t always have their dad around, which is hard, they don’t have to listen to the negativity that used to be part of our marriage.”

Whether they see the divorce as posi-tive or negative, most adults just want their children to have normal lives.

“I want to try to raise my son in a way where it doesn’t affect him,” history teacher Lyle Mead said. “I’m aware of it, and I try to prevent any of the negative effects of it.”

But most of the adults still have no doubt that the divorce has also negatively im-pacted their children.

“Divorce is hard,” Arensberg said. “It doesn’t matter how old you are. It is tough, and it is going to hurt.”

“Both of my boys still go to therapy,” Smith-Dahlhauser said. “I think it’s been hard on them because they felt like they needed to

choose a side.”In many cases, the divorce has even hurt

or severed long-held relationships. Some children simply feel the need to pick a side in the split.

“My daughter has separated from me,” Smith-Dahlhauser said. “I’ve talked to her maybe three times in the past four years. She stopped talking to me around the time of the divorce, but she still talks to her father.”

Though most every child is deeply af-fected, it has created many problems for the adults as well. One issue that is commonly ignored is the financial burden and strain that is created within both households due to divorce.

“There is much less financial security,” Mead said. “The loss of the second income makes a huge difference. There is more free time to do things, but there is less financial opportunity to do them.”

It seems it has personally and perma-nently changed many of the adults involved. From a change in financial security and lifestyle to an overall change in ideology and attitude, the divorce has left many very different.

“I don’t take anything for granted any-more,” Sass said. “I try to stay really positive because life is too short to have negativity.”

“It has changed every part of me,” Arensberg said. “It makes you reflect and reevaluate your entire life and thought pro-cess. There are both positive and negative effects.”

By John Grinvalds

Traditionally, the home is a place where one can go to find love, support, security, safety and relaxation, but for those whose parents have split apart, the idea of a united home and family of support and love is merely just a dream.

With divorce rates steadily climbing, more and more s t uden t s a r e deeply affected by a divided f a m i l y a n d home. More and more, it seems t h a t h a v i n g only one home is simply a luxury and privilege.

Divorce brings about many issues for students. From emotional turmoil and dis-tress to constant hassle and hard choices, it seems that divorce brings little good for students.

Divorce affects the lives of students in many dramatic ways. The home is left rav-aged and never the same again.

“It is so different having just one parent at the house,” sophomore Mason Timm said.

“Since I was four, I’ve had to live at my house without my mom,” sophomore Hayden Lassek said.

The home is not the only thing dra-matically affected by divorce. Long-held relationships are profoundly changed and

even torn apart.“Since the divorce, I’ve barely seen my

older sister, which has been really hard,” Lassek said.

“I don’t talk to my dad much anymore,” senior Nealie Josoff said.

It also weighs greatly on the social and school life of many students.

“All the driving around from one house to the other can be a hassle,” Timm said.

“ I t i s a hass le wi th all the moving around,” soph-omore Colton

Feist agreed. “I have to wake up earlier to get to school and remember to pack clothes each time I go to the other house.”

Students living under a divorce are sub-jected to and tasked with making incredibly hard decisions.

“Each year for the holidays, I have to choose between my mom or dad,” Lassek said. “It is so hard because I don’t want to hurt anyone’s feelings.”

Most every student who has to go through their parents divorcing each other comes out of the experience changed in some way.

“I was depressed for awhile after [the divorce] and had to get counseling, which helped,” Josoff said “I have gotten a lot

more quiet.”S o m e h a v e

learned valuable lessons in empathy and understanding others.

“I’ve learned how bad things can be,” Feist said, “and how you need to be nice to people and get along.”

“I can really feel for and understand other people who go through this now,” Josoff said.

But even in the worst of times, stu-dents have found that some good has come out of the com-plex and negative scenario.

“I think I am a lot stronger now,” Timm said. “It is one of the harder things you can go through in life, so everything else doesn’t seem as bad.”

“My mom, sister and I have grown a lot stronger together because of it,” Josoff said.

Adults see less negativity for kids, but money stress

Students feel emotional stress from choosing mom or dad

Divorce: Effects vary betweenparents, kids when splits occur

“Each year for the holidaysI have to choose between

my mom or dad.”Sophomore Hayden Lassek

By noelle Josoff

My parents called all three kids to the kitchen table on Jan. 25, 2015. Then came the heart breaking news – my mom and dad were getting a divorce. My heart was beating a mile a minute. There were so many ques-tions that needed to be answered about why this was happening.

My heart tore into a million pieces knowing my parents would be separated for the rest of my life. I was angry with myself, thinking that I could have stopped this.

But then the hard part came: depres-sion, knowing that I would have to stay at two places - one being in Ashland and one in Yutan.

Normally in a divorce with kids, you have a set schedule when you need to be with your mom and a set time with your dad. In my case, we were old enough to understand what was happening, and we get to decide where we want to be or stay.

I kind of come and go when I want; I just try to make sure I stay equal with

them. Right now with sports, I stay mostly at my mom’s because being in town with practice is a lot easier than living about 15 minutes away.

I have learned a lot about my mom and dad’s divorce and it has made me stronger as a person. Sometimes the days are rough and the others are smooth. But when the days get rough it hits you like a rock.

I sometimes have emotions, which nor-mally include anger and depression. When times get rough, I have the most amazing friends and family who are there to help.

My friends have been here every step of the way and I can trust them with some personal stuff. They help by letting me vent my feelings and emotions out to them.

The reason why I can trust them is be-cause no matter what I tell them, they won’t ever judge and they always have a solution to help me. The things we do when the times get rough are going to see a movie, playing a sport in the driveway or even laying on the couch all day watching movies.

When these things hit me it happens

when I am alone and normally at home. These times can get really hard and there are a lot of tears involved. When I am hav-ing these feelings, I go straight to my mom and she helps a lot. My mom has been there every step of the way and I can trust her with anything I want to talk about.

My relationships with my parents have changed tremendously. When they were still together, my dad and I really didn’t get along, but we get along really well now. My dad and I never really got along because we would always butt heads with each other. Growing up, he was always my coach and he always pushed me to do my best and sometimes I didn’t agree with what he said.

Selling vegetables for the last 14 years of my life also made things rough. It made it rough because I hated waking up early and I didn’t like all the time you had to spend away from friends because I was always doing things for vegetables.

My relationship with my mom has al-ways been the same and I don’t think that it will ever change. My mom and I are always

looking for things to do. We are always shopping or we go to see a movie. Other times we are at home cleaning or watching movies on the couch. My mom and I always got along and that is why we are so close right now.

It sometimes creates hassle because my mom and my dad both plan things on the same day and I hate telling the other one no because I am going with the other. Deciding on whom I will go with just depends on who asks first. But if I have always been going with my mom then I will switch it up and go with my dad for a little bit. For my birthday back in April, my mom and my dad both had stuff planned, so I just asked my dad if we could move off that date to when he wanted to do something and then everything worked out just fine.

Just because this happened to me re-cently doesn’t mean that my unconditional love for them will ever change. Without this happening in my life, I wouldn’t be the same person I am today and neither would my siblings.

Parents’ divorce leaves Josoff depressedFirst-person account of experience

By haley herman

Divorce can be devastating to a family. Or maybe it can help. Many families are constantly struggling, and a divorce can actually lift many burdens and make a family stronger.

Divorce is always a struggle and there are many different outcomes, accord-ing to counselor Becky O’Malley.

Most people have a difficult time with divorce, but some may find it as a relief. When there is a lot of fighting and conflict in the home, children may find the divorce as a relief from all the stress, O’Malley said.

“Most high school kids don’t show a lot outwardly,” O’Malley said.According to O’Malley, younger students find it harder to cope. When she

was an elementary counselor, O’Malley held divorce sessions for younger stu-dents to help them understand this major change in their lives.

O’Malley would address three important statements. The first was, “both your parents still love you.” The second address was, “it’s not your fault,” and the third was, “changes are going to occur. You need to step in and help out. Finances will be a little tighter and responsibilities will change.”

O’Malley held these divorce sessions once a week for an eight-week period. Sometimes students would sign up for more than one session, according to O’Malley.

For high school students, O’Malley tries to check in on students if they do not come to her first. Many older students do not want to confront their feelings or sometimes they have no problem.

Seniors in high school may have more opportunities in a single-parent house-hold. Seniors living in a single-parent household may qualify for financial help. Divorce is different for everyone and everyone’s family is affected differently.

O’Malley: Students can’t blame themselves

for parents’ divorce

Divorce Facts+ In the U.S., men who marry between ages 20-24 have a 38.8% divorce rate. Women the same age have a 36.6% rate.

+ Average length of divorce proceedings is one year.

+ Seventy-three percent of third marriages end in divorce. Sixty percent of second marriages do.

+ Divorce rates among couples with children is 40% lower than couples without children.

+Seventy-five percent of chil-dren with divorced parents live with their mothers.

+State with the highest divorce rate: Nevada at 14.6%

* - divorcestatistics.org

Divorce Facts+ In the U.S., a divorce hap-pens approximately every 36 seconds.

+ Forty-three percent of chil-dren growing up in America today are being raised without fathers.

+ Nebraska divorce rate - 10.4%

+ Twenty-eight percent of chil-dren living with divorced par-ents live in a household with an income below the poverty line.

+ Half of all children will wit-ness the breakup of a parent’s marriage. Of these children, close to half will also see the breakup of a parent’s second marriage.

+ State with lowest divorce rate: New Jesey at 8.6%

Yutan High School

John GrinvaldsNoelle JosoffHaley Herman