disabled and gay – the ideal man?
TRANSCRIPT
presents
Disabled and gay –
THE IDEAL MAN?KEYNOTE TO THE
6th National Men’s Health Conference incorporating the 4th National Aboriginal and Torres Strait Islander Male Health Convention
MELBOURNE, AUSTRALIA – 10 OCTOBER 2005
by Philip Patston
2
Who am I?
• Gay
• Disabled
• White
• Man
• Vegetarian
• Vitiligo
• Valium
• Vino
3
Who am I?
• Son
• Brother
• Uncle
• Friend
• Boss
• Lover
• Mentor
• Role model bad influence
• Zen buddhist - kind of
• Recovering social worker
• Counsellor
• Human rights campaigner
• Entertainer
• Consultant
• Business owner
• Columnist
• Actor
• Leader
• Amateur designer
• Entrepreneur
• Queer of the Year 1999
• Billy T James Comedy Award recipient
4
How I see myself
APU - Automated Personnel Unit
5
What I believe
• I create my reality
• Everything is perfect
• Positivity, negativity and constructivity
• Fear and love
• … reflect my level of creativity.
• I decided to be happy
• Acting as if I do can be useful
6
What I believe
• Everything in moderation – including moderation.
7What makes existence meaningful
Potential •
Persistence •
Productivity •
PHYSICALLY
INTELLECTUALLY
Perception •
Philosophy •
Pragmatism •
• Positivity
• Passion
• Play
EMOTIONALLY
SPIRITUALLY
• Purpose
• Perfection
• Peace
SEXUALLY
8
Romance
• Sexual love
• Idealised
• Exciting and intense
– Microsoft Encarta Dictionary
9
Impairment
• Deviation or loss
• Structure or function
• Functional limitations
• Restricts activity and participation
– NZ Health Research Council
10
Disability
• Disadvantages
• Social, economic, political and environmental factors
• Restrict or exclude
– New Zealand Disability Strategy (2001)
11Pragmatic loveProduced by Philip Patston and Matthew Leonard for Radio New Zealand
Philip Patston's wry humour and understanding of society's inappropriate response to his impairment is shared by his many friend's amongst New Zealand's disabled community.
He talks with some of them, as well as with professionals who work with disabled [people], to create this unique perspective on romance.
– Radio Netherlands
12
Interviewees
• Claire
• Susan
• Gillian
• Ronelle
• Redmond
• Jules
• Tony
• Timote •
• Rob and Karen
13
Control
• “Eleanor is going to do the swimming for me and our children…”
• “…she's the one pushing me around the bed…and a little less threatening...a lot of women have bad experiences”
• “…I don't think she's been in a relationship where she was able to take a dominant role. The role of the man...to me a big part is sexual…”
14
Dependence
• “I can't just be a pudding in a shower chair...I have to be her man…”
• “Would love to dance toe to toe and cheek to cheek…”
• Maybe I don't do a lot physically...Eleanor said that's enough to be the father of our family.”
15
Public perception
• “She thinks I am the man of the family....she always knows and says she can't do things without me…”
• “Gosh, she broke her little toe once when we fell off the bed...she had great fun regaling to everyone for the next few months how she broke her toe…”
16
Responsibility
• “I get frustrated in the man's role … I am talking about jobs around the house, backing up an able bodied parent.”
• “…back in the island…most of the family life is the man doing the swimming to get the family to the other side of the river.”
• “…doesn't effect my role as a father...when I take my kids to school in the morning...
• “Karen is pretty good, and let's me pretend I am a useful male about the place…”
• “…it’s more of a financial burden than anything…I'll ring the plumber and deal with that side of things…”
17Male role themes for disabled men
• Control
• Dependence
• Public perception
• Responsibility
18Traditional Male Role Attitude Items
• It is essential for a guy to get respect from others
• A man always deserves the respect of his wife and children
• I admire a guy who is totally sure of himself
• A guy will lose respect if he talks about his problems
• A young man should be physically tough, even if he’s not big
• It bothers me when a guy acts like a girl
• I don’t think a husband should have to do housework
• Men are always ready for sex
– Pleck, Sonenstein, and Ku, 1993.
Masculinity Ideology: Its Impact on Adolescent Males Heterosexual Relationships. Journal of Social Issues, 49 (3), 11-29.
19Traditional Male Role Attitude Items
• Control
– Need respect from others
– Need to be physically tough
• Dependence
– Shouldn’t talk about problems
– Shouldn’t act like a girl
• Public perception
– Totally sure of himself
– Always ready for sex
• Responsibility
– Should have respect of his wife and children
– Shouldn’t have to do housework
20When men lose function…
• FEAR of losing control
• FEAR of dependence
• FEAR of negative public perception
• FEAR of losing responsibility
21
The fear love continuum
FEAR
• Drive
• Low creativity
• Judgement
LOVE
Passion •
High creativity •
Acceptance •
22Because men fear loss of function…
• …they are intolerant of functional diversity
23
What is function?
• Task
• Job
• Utility
• Occupation
• Role
• Meaning
• Purpose
24
What is diversity?
• Synergy
• Variety
25
What is functional diversity?
• The variety in human beings’ capacity to independently do what they need to do and become who they choose to be.
26Value of function by gender
0 2 4 6 8 10
Value given
Purpose
Meaning
Role
Occupation
Utility
Job
Task
Fu
ncti
on
ty
pe
Male
Female
27Value of function by impairment
0 2 4 6 8 10
Value given
Purpose
Meaning
Role
Occupation
Utility
Job
Task
Fu
ncti
on
ty
pe
Impaired
Non-imp
28Impact of function loss -women
0 2 4 6 8
Loss of value
Purpose
Meaning
Role
Occupation
Utility
Job
Task
Fu
nctio
n t
yp
e
Impaired
Loss
29Impact of function loss -men
0 2 4 6 8
Loss of value
Purpose
Meaning
Role
Occupation
Utility
Job
Task
Fu
ncti
on
ty
pe
Impaired
Loss
30Impact of function loss -men vs. women
0 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8
Loss of value
Purpose
Meaning
Role
Occupation
Utility
Job
Task
Fu
nctio
n t
yp
e
Male
Female
31Why men fear loss of function
• More to lose
• Testosterone
• Without / within
32Why I could be an ideal man
Personality Area Average male
Average female
My score
Comparison to the Average
Extroversion 51 67 55 +5 | -8
Emotionality 74 76 68 -6 | -8
Agreeableness 40 56 50 +10 | -6
Thinking vs Feeling 36T | 48F 47F 7F -43T-41F | -40
Thoroughness* 63 72 94 +31 | +22
Openness* 51 53 100 +49 | +47
Sensing vs Intuiting* 18S 19I 33 +51 | +14
Judging vs Perceiving* 9J 7J 45P +54 | +52
* Guiding parts of my personality
SOURCE: PersonalityBook.com
33Why I could be an ideal man
• Thorough
• Open
• Intuitive
• Perceptive
• 78% self-actualised
• Surrender control
• Accept dependence
• Ignore public perception
• Take responsibility
34Why I could be an ideal man
• Not a real man
• Nothing to lose
