My Love, Don’t Cross That River

A Film by Jin Mo-young

Community Engagement & Education

DISCUSSION GUIDE

www.pbs.org/pov

POV

|2DISCUSSION GUIDE

My Love, Don’t Cross That River

LETTER FROM THE FILMMAKER

In 2012, I watched a Korean TV documentary called Grey-Haired Lovers about a couple.

There were five 30-minute episodes, and it was a big shock to me that the couple had

been able to have such a loving life together for so long. The TV documentary was re-

ally beautiful and well made, but I was sure there was something more to their story. So,

I visited the couple the very next day and started to look for the “secret” of their love.

They were already famous because of the TV documentary and their colorful dress. I

aimed to focus on just their story in the moment. Their lifestyle, which maybe looks

unique to foreign audiences, comes through in small moments.

I stayed with them as a friend, and after a few months we became so close that I

thought of them as my parents and they also treated me as they would their own son.

They are old, and their everyday life is a routine, like that of any other old folks living in

the countryside. But I never made them do something for the film—I just looked, waited

and shot.

They showed me that great love is like a great mountain, made of billions of specks of

tiny dust. It can never collapse or be destroyed and stays always as it is.

Many traditional Koreans believe in the idea of an afterlife, and Kang Gye-Yeol is one of

them. Every human gets sick and dies, and people fall into despair. Whether or not I be-

lieve in that afterlife, whether it exists or not, it was really impressive to watch as she

truly prepared not only for the death of her husband but also for eternal love and life

with him. She has no doubt about it at all.

When I started shooting, I just wanted to find out the secret of their love. But, as time went on, I could see many more facets

to their lives, and, I guess because of this, audiences enjoyed the film from their own varied viewpoints—married or not mar-

ried, male or female, young or old, as a son or daughter, mother or father and so on. To all of them, this couple proved that

eternal love still exists in this world.

Jin Mo-young

Filmmaker, My Love, Don’t Cross That River

Director Jin Mo-young.

Photo courtesy Film Movement

|3DISCUSSION GUIDE

My Love, Don’t Cross That River

2 Letter from the Filmmaker

3 Introduction

4 Potential Partners

4 Key Issues

4 Using This Guide

5 Selected People Featured

in My Love, Don’t Cross That River

5 General Discussion Questions

6 Discussion Prompts

6 Taking Action

7 Resources

8 How to Buy the Film

Writer

Faith Rogow, PhDInsighters Educational Consulting

Guide Producers, POV

Eliza LichtVice President, Content Strategy and Engagement, POV

Alice QuinlanManager, Community Engagement and Education, POV

Ione BarrowsAssociate, Community Engagement and Education, POV

Design:

Rafael Jiménez

Copy Editor:

Natalie Danford

Thanks to those who reviewed this guide:

Jin Mo-youngDirector, My Love, Don’t Cross That River

TABLE OF CONTENTS CREDITS

89-year-old Kang Gye-Yeol and 98-year-old Jo Byeong-

Man live in a rural riverside home in Gangwon Province,

South Korea. They have been together for 76 years and

have raised six children, yet they maintain a playful rela-

tionship that makes them seem like newlyweds. Now, as

their aging bodies struggle with daily chores and illness,

Jo and Kang must face the reality of their aging romance

and the knowledge that joy inevitably will be counter-

balanced by sorrow. My Love, Don’t Cross that River

captures the fleeting moments of their twilight days.

INTRODUCTION

My Love, Don’t Cross That River is well suited for use in

a variety of settings and is especially recommended for

use with:

• Your local PBS station

• Groups that have discussed previous PBS and POV

films relating to love, aging and end-of-life issues

or Korean culture, including The Self-Made Man,

Sweet Old Song, Seven Songs for a Long Life, Tea

Time and First Person Plural.

• Groups focused on any of the issues listed in the

“Key Issues” section

• Senior centers and gerontology specialists

• Faith-based organizations and institutions

• Cultural, art and historical organizations,

institutions and museums

• Civic, fraternal and community groups

• High school students, youth groups and clubs

• Academic departments and student groups at

colleges, universities and high schools

• Community organizations with a mission to

promote education and learning, such as local

libraries

My Love, Don’t Cross That River is an excellent tool for

outreach and will be of special interest to people looking

to explore the following topics:

• aging

• cultural studies

• death and dying

• end-of-life care

• gerontology

• grief

• Korea

• marriage

• tradition and rituals

• romance

|4DISCUSSION GUIDE

My Love, Don’t Cross That River

USING THIS GUIDE

This guide is an invitation to dialogue. It is based on a belief in the power of human connection, designed for people who

want to use My Love, Don’t Cross That River to engage family, friends, classmates, colleagues and communities. In con-

trast to initiatives that foster debates in which participants try to convince others that they are right, this document en-

visions conversations undertaken in a spirit of openness in which people try to understand one another and expand their

thinking by sharing viewpoints and listening actively.

The discussion prompts are intentionally crafted to help a wide range of audiences think more deeply about the issues

in the film. Rather than attempting to address them all, choose one or two that best meet your needs and interests. And

be sure to leave time to consider taking action. Planning next steps can help people leave the room feeling energized and

optimistic, even in instances when conversations have been difficult.

For more detailed event planning and facilitation tips, visit www.pov.org/engage

POTENTIAL PARTNERS KEY ISSUES

Immediately after the film, you may want to give people a

few quiet moments to reflect on what they have seen or

pose a general question (examples below) and give people

some time to themselves to jot down or think about their

answers before opening the discussion:

• If a friend asked you what this film was about, what

would you say?

• If you could ask Jo, Kang or their children a single

question, what would you ask?

• If you could ask the filmmaker a question, what

would you want to know?

• What did you learn from this film? What insights did

it provide?

• Describe a moment or scene in the film that you

found particularly disturbing or moving. What was it

about that scene that was especially compelling for

you?

At the end of your discussion, to help people synthesize

what they’ve experienced and move the focus from dia-

logue to action steps, you may want to choose one of

these questions

• What did you learn from this film that you wish

everyone knew? What would change if everyone

knew it?

• If you could require one person (or one group) to

view this film, who would it be? What would you

hope their main takeaway would be?

• Complete this sentence: I am inspired by this film (or

discussion) to __________.

GENERAL DISCUSSION QUESTIONS

|5DISCUSSION GUIDE

My Love, Don’t Cross That River

SELECT PEOPLE

Jo Byeong-Man, who is 98, and his wife, Kang Gye-Yeol, who is 89, are known as the

“100-year old lovebirds.” They have lived together since 1938, after Jo was hired by

Kang’s parents to work in their small smith shop in Gangwon Province, South Korea.

Kang’s parents allowed them to get married when she was only 14, so they could use

him as free labor. Jo viewed this as a good opportunity, as he had lost his parents at an

early age and had no place to live. However, the couple only became intimate three

years into their marriage. To this day, Kang expresses her gratitude to her husband for

bucking the societal norms of the time. Together, Jo and Kang had 12 children, but six

were lost to disease and war.

Selected People Featured in My Love, Don’t Cross That River

DISCUSSION PROMPTS

|6DISCUSSION GUIDE

My Love, Don’t Cross That River

Love Story

How do you think Kang or Jo would respond to this ques-

tion: What’s the secret to a great marriage?

Do Jo and Kang fit your definition of “soul mates”? What

sorts of things do they do or say (or avoid doing or saying)

that signals their love for each other?

To what do you attribute their extraordinary affection and

mutual respect? Is it just luck or that their personalities mesh,

or do you also see cultural factors that might have con-

tributed to the health and longevity of their relationship?

Did you see anything familiar in the film? How did Kang and

Jo’s life compare to your own? How did the film compare

with Hollywood love stories you’ve seen?

Married when she was 14, Kang recalls, “He wouldn’t make a

move on me even after we were married… I’ll forever be

grateful he waited for me.” Did Jo’s initial patience con-

tribute to the ultimate longevity of their relationship? How?

End of Life

Kang gave birth to twelve children, but six died. How did

buying long johns for her deceased children honor their

memory and help her heal?

The couple cares for two pet dogs. What did you notice

about the role that the pets played in their lives?

Jo’s children want to rush their father to the hospital, but

Kang stops them because, she says, “The doctor told me

he’s too old so medicine won’t do him any good. So we

should just let him rest.” Which of these positions best serves

the dying?

Death

Kang wishes that she could die together with her husband:

“We can go holding hands. We’ll cross that bridge beyond,

go over the hill together. And everyone can come to bid us

farewell. I’d wave goodbye to all of them. If we could go to-

gether like that, wouldn’t that be nice?” What did you learn

from the film about what you might say to someone who ex-

pressed a desire to die along with a loved one?

Kang observes the traditional practice of burning clothes for

the deceased to wear in the afterlife. What rituals does your

family or community perform to say goodbye to, engage

with or honor the dead? How do those rituals facilitate the

grieving process?

What does Jo and Kang’s life together teach us about the

links between joy and sorrow?

Jo reflects, “Flowers and leaves are just like people, really.

Come spring, the leaf sprouts. Come summer, it grows big,

soaking up the rain. By autumn, the frost makes them fall,

though. People are no different. We’re young, like sprouting

leaves. Then we bloom. If we could stay in bloom forever,

it’d be great, but with age we begin to wither and then we

fall. And that’s the end. After the fall, there isn’t much else.”

Do you share his philosophy? What lessons do you take from

nature that deepen your understanding of human life?

What do you think the film’s title means?

Additional media literacy questions are available at:

www.pbs.org/pov/educators/media-literacy.php

Taking Action

• Make time this week to connect with older adults in your life, whether they are your parents, spouse or friends.

• Convene a study circle to look at how various cultures around the world handle end-of-life issues and rituals.

• Make sure that family members have written wills that indicate their wishes for acceptable medical interventions,

funeral arrangements and distribution of property. In addition to legal documents, consider adding written or

video letters with personal messages to individual loved ones.

FILM MOVEMENT

http://www.filmmovement.com/libraries/index.asp?MerchandiseID=477

Film Movement’s website for the film includes photos, a

press kit and other film-related resources.

AARP

www.aarp.org

This advocacy organization provides lots of information

on healthy aging, maintaining active relationships and end-

of-life issues. Of special interest is this article about

Korea’s aging population:

http://journal.aarpinternational.org/a/b/2013/02/Koreas-

Age-Boom-How-South-Korea-is-Addressing-the-Reality-of

-Low-Fertility-and-a-Rapidly-Aging-Society.

ASIA SOCIETY: “THE VALUE AND MEANING

OF THE KOREAN FAMILY”

http://asiasociety.org/education/value-and-meaning-korean-family

The Asia Society’s website includes articles on many

aspects of Korean culture. This article outlines traditional

family practices and relationships.

HOSPICE

www.hospicenet.org

This website serves as an information clearinghouse for

patients and families coping with terminal illness.

NATIONAL INSTITUTES OF HEALTH:

“AGING AND FAMILY LIFE: A DECADE REVIEW”

https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC3427733

This review from the National Institutes of Health covers

research about aging families and changing relationships.

RESOURCES

|7DISCUSSION GUIDE

My Love, Don’t Cross That River

Original Online Content on POV To further enhance the broadcast, POV has produced an interactive website to enable viewers to explore the film in

greater depth. The My Love, Don’t Cross That River website—http://www.pbs.org/pov/mylovedontcrossthatriver/—

offers a streaming video trailer for the film; an interview with filmmaker; a list of related websites, articles and books;

a downloadable discussion guide; and special features.

HOW TO BUY THE FILM

To order My Love, Don’t Cross That River for educational use, visit http://www.filmmovement.com/libraries/index.asp?MerchandiseID=477.

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Front cover: Jo Byeong-man, Kang Kye-yeol. Photo courtesy Film Movement