dealing with the difficult boss shifting to successful interactions june 18, 2008 rossella...
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Dealing with the Difficult BossShifting to Successful InteractionsJune 18, 2008
www.Corporate-Wisdom.com
Rossella Derickson 408 605 [email protected]
Krista Henley 831 239 [email protected]
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Rossella Derickson & Krista Henley, M.A.,LMFT, principals of www.Corporate-Wisdom.com, have translated their business and organizational psychology experience into Wisdom in the Workplace, consulting, training and coaching modules that support healthy group and company dynamics. Their classes to build business and leadership skills have been taught to CEO's, executives, and entrepreneurs in High Tech, Biotech, Insurance, and many other industries including leading universities.
Connecting CSR to individual, team and organizational purpose at work is a new and passionate focus area. They are the authors of Awakening Social Responsibility - A Call to Action. Amazon: http://www.amazon.com/o/ASIN/1600050654Book Web Site: www.CSRAction.com
Rossella and Krista are the Directors of the South Bay Organizational Development Network, www.SBODN.com, a leading edge forum focused on making a difference in how organizations are run in Silicon Valley.
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Anger and Compassion for the BossCompassion:
Adopting a global perspective about being human. "I am that, I am. Acknowledge to yourself that all difficult behaviors are inside of you!
The not so golden rule - "you do unto others what was done unto you."
Unhook the power struggle. Find compassion for the place where you are wounded / your boss is wounded.
If you can, find a way to make your boss successful in spite of his or her difficult behavior and you will make yourself successful, too.
Anger:
Difficult bosses are a threat to your job security.
Difficult bosses cause conflict throughout the organization.
Being upset and angry adds stress to the workplace.
What is stimulated in us by a difficult boss and his or her behavior is the "gift" that we can take away from an otherwise upsetting experience. The gift is the insight into the "unhealed" places in us that are triggered by difficult behavior - especially from an authority!
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Difficult Boss Relationships
Boss doesn’t think you are as good as you think you are
You think the boss has the job you should
Large gap in skills leading to undervaluing/not respecting the other (either direction)
Mismatches in ethics, values and integrity
Mismatches in management practices
Mismatches in style, philosophy, pace and motivation
Poor communication – in both directions
Dyad: What difficulties do you have with your boss?
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Unskilled Skilled At Boss Relationships
Not comfortable with bosses
May be tense in boss’s presence
May not be open to coaching or direction from the boss
Problems dealing comfortably with authority
Poor boss relationship gets in the way of personal productivity
Responds and relates well to bosses
Would work harder for a good boss
Is open to learning from bosses who are good coaches and who provide latitude
Likes to learn from those who have been there before
Easy to challenge and develop, comfortably coach-able
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Positive and Negative BeliefsNegative Belief Systems
Identify one or two beliefs that are getting in the way of your performance and are root causes for your development areas:
Can You Identify a Negative Belief?
I can’t trust anyone to get it done.I’m stuck cleaning things up.I don’t belong.It’s a struggle to get things done.No matter what I do it’s always wrong.
Cross Stimulating Beliefs
We have the most trouble with bosses whose beliefs are opposite of our own, cross stimulating the upset that is unresolved in BOTH of us.
Positive Belief Systems: We have learned through our experiences to believe in positive outcomes.
Negative Belief Systems: Learned patterns of defensive reasoning whose purpose is to help us defend against painful experiences and loss of control.
Performance, whether peak or poor, is linked to belief systems. When working to improve behavior, understanding negative beliefs is core to your ability to make lasting change and performance improvement.
Trigger
Limiting Belief
Learned Defense Reaction
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Successful Interactions - Getting Started
Managers are typically hired for their technical competence and then “rewarded” with managerial responsibilities.
Let's begin with YOUR Boss:
What works well?
What doesn’t work?
What keeps you awake at night?
What keeps your boss awake at night?
What sets your boss off? What are your boss’s hot buttons?
What does your boss do when a hot button is triggered?
What sets you off? What are your hot buttons?
What do you do when a hot button is triggered?
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Successful Interactions Your Boss and YOU - Circle Both Sides
Boss Work Style?
Formal or informal?
Briefed in writing or brainstorming?
Energized or annoyed by sidebars?
Hands on or regular, informal updates?
Energized or avoids conflict?
Decisive or open-ended?
Your Work Style?
Formal or informal?
Briefed in writing or brainstorming?
Energized or annoyed by sidebars?
Hands on or regular, informal updates?
Energized or avoids conflict?
Decisive or open-ended?
Dyad: Are your styles aligned?
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Developing Successful StrategiesTo Deal with Difficult Bosses / People
The Insecure Bully
- Puts you down
- Picks on you in front of others
_________________?
The Bull Dozer
- Runs over you
- Does not consider
you in decisions
________________?
The Manipulative Back
Stabber
- Takes your ideas
- Makes him/herself look good at your expense
________________?
The Raging Maniac
- Uses rage to intimidate
- Makes environment
fearful / painful
__________________?
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Developing Successful StrategiesTo Deal with Difficult Bosses / People
The Conflict Avoider
- Makes bad behavior ok
- Refuses to address the team dynamics
_________________?
The Gossip
- Exploits your
vulnerabilities
- Cannot be trusted
_________________?
The Micro Manager
- Demands details that are irrelevant
- Does not trust you / your work
________________?
The Withholder
- Keeps important
information hidden
- Does not recognize or
reward easily
__________________?
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Developing Successful StrategiesTo Deal with Difficult Bosses / People
The Control Freak- My way or the
highway
- Critical
__________________?
The Super Agreeable
- Of course, yes
- Poor follow up and follow
through
___________________?
The Data Collector
- Always needs more data
- Slow decision maker
_________________?
Other - What Else?
___________________?
Triad: Discuss the way you
cope currently with a difficult
boss. Brainstorm new
strategies for more
successful interactions.
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Successful Interactions - Coaching
Let's explore ways to be more successful in your interactions withyour boss.
Identify one issue with your boss that, if resolved, will make your work life better.________________________________________________________
Evaluate your boss and evaluate yourself - what might be your triggers and what might be your boss's triggers?________________________________________________________________________________________________________________
Explore your difficult boss dynamics to find successful interaction - alternatives. Consider a few possibilities and jot them down:
________________________________________________________________________________________________________________
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