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spend about 50% of the time I’m with him thoroughly confused as to how the hell his thought process works, but then again, a lot of that derives in the fact that he is - after all - a man. I don’t doubt that it’s a similar percentage on his part.I’m continually toying with the opposing idea that I’m either playing with fire with this relationship, or that I’m right in thinking a long (or dare I say it, permanent) break from Englishmen is the way forward. The most obvious obstruction in a cross-culture relationship is the language barrier issue. This barricade in particular requires the patience of a saint to break through. Exasperating at the best of times, ‘Language-Barrier Situation 1’ usually goes something along these blurry lines: I use a semi-complex word in a sentence - he questions the meaning of said word - I make a vain attempt to explain the word, but end up using similarly dense words. Ultimately, my incapabilitIes as a human thesaurus result in him becoming irrationally frustrated. Even Google Translate mostly fails to savour these frequent disputes of ours.Statistics show that the divorce rate for women married to foreigners is triple that of marriage partners of the same nationality. Even so, alongside the rising rate of migration comes an inevitable increase in the number of cross-border marriages. In fact, shocking figures from the University of Barcelona claim that this translates roughly to one international marriage for every two new migrants. The preconceptions surrounding international relationships are often negative, particularly when the relationship in question is between an older, richer man and a younger, less well-educated foreign woman - not that my relationship really fits this bill, by any means. Dealing with my slightly bigoted father, on the other hand, is another struggle entirely, something I hope will be redeemed by time and understanding on his part, and patience and crossed-

fingers on mine. The best advice is to understand as much as you can about your partner’s culture and language. More often than not, it’s the subtle things that matter the most. For example, I’d always put my man’s poor attempt at vocalising his Ps and Qs down to shoddy manners - a big, fat, English no-no - until I realised that the Russian language is just plain blunt in comparison to our overtly polite mother tongue. Of course, there should be mutual respect at both ends, meaning that my man should probably not exploit my lack of knowledge by teaching me naughty phrases in unfamiliar languages. He also should not use his accent to get whatever he wants, as is so often the case, mainly in correspondence to my hopeless devotion to the power of an accent

(this will be my downfall).

Overall, though, this relationship has treated me so much better than any

of my previous British offerings.

Generally speaking, foreign men know

how to satisfy woman in a way that can’t compare.

They’re not afraid to show their emotions, and kudos to them for

that. In my opinion, British men lack the passion and consideration that seems to come naturally to their foreign counterparts (by all means, I’m not applying this theory to every man out there, but for me it definitely rings true).Ultimately, only a certain kind of person can deal with the average cross-culture relationship, and all the swings and roundabouts that come with it. If you’re not one of those people, take this as your warning to avoid the fateful trap of fiery intercultural love - chances are, it’ll end in heartbreak. I’m taking the path with trepidation, but I’ll always have that residing, niggling belief that no Englishman could ever compare with my first foreign love. Needless to say, I’m in far, far too deep already.

It started with a fateful love-letter sent via Facebook message, written in what can only be described

as broken English; a surprising declaration of love from the guy at work with whom I’d only ever exchanged a shy ‘hello’ with once or twice before. Six months later, I’m still with him and can’t quite imagine dating an Englishman again – although I do still find myself double-checking my Facebook page when I see his alien-like name sat beneath my profile picture in all its irregular glory. It never really occurred to me that I’d end up with someone who doesn’t speak English as his first language. Truth be told, I didn’t think it’d be all that ideal - actually, I thought it’d be near impossible, what with my incredible ability to castrate anyone who makes even the most minuscule of spelling or grammar mistakes. But thankfully for me, he knows the difference between ‘your’ and ‘you’re’ (a fundamental turn-on, sadly enough).The transition from casually dating the odd English guy - but for the most part, being single for twenty-one years - into being in a full-blown relationship with a Russian-Lithuanian guy who appears to live on a completely different planet to you and everyone else is never going to be easy. In despite of this, the liaison seems to have slotted its place quite naturally into my thoroughly English-bred life, but not without numerous glitches en-route. Needless to say, I didn’t know the half of it when I entered this relationship. The rickety passage has been inundated with emotional obstacles that I never even knew existed. Our arguments are fuelled in equal measure by superfluous drama and mutual discrepancies. I sometimes wonder if we actually thrive on it, because our relationship seems to become a little more grounded with every minor bickering that occurs. My Russian lover’s anti-English-ness doesn’t end at his name. Everything about him is foreign to me - his entire demeanour, upbringing, education and lifestyle has been (and remains) incredibly different to mine. While I honestly try my best, I probably

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”JUNE 2012 COSMOPOLITAN 103102 COSMOPOLITAN JUNE 2012

Cosmo talks relationships

The fantasy holiday romance scenario: you’re swept off your feet by that husky suitor with the melt-in-your-mouth accent, bagging yourself a free tour-guide who whisks you off to all of his favourite cultural hot-spots - all the while tending to your own hot-spots. But could you realistically survive a cross-culture relationship in the long run? Katie Lansdowne reveals her side of the story...

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