Effective Listening

Communication

1. _______________________________________When you tell people that their ideas or feelings

are ____________, you are saying in effect that you know more than they do. If your ideas are drastically different from theirs, they’ll either

________________ themselves (_____________)or give up on the conversation. Even positive judgments like, “You’re the smartest student in class,” don’t work if the person you’re talking to doesn’t ______________ very smart.

Communication BlockersJudging

wrong

defend argue

feel

2. _____________________________________ are the most common cause of stalled communication. It’s frustrating to be interrupted in the middle of a sentence, and when interruptions happen over and over again, talking begins to feel like a ___________ of __________.

Interrupting and interruptions

waste time

3. _______________________________________Few people enjoy getting unasked-for advice.

Statements that begin with, “Well, if I were you..,” or “If you ask me..,” are like _________________ __________. Advice-giving says, “I’m superior. I know better than you do.” Advice can also cause a person to feel ___________________ -- as though one can’t make a good decision on one’s own.

Advising -

redflags

Powerless

4. _______________________________________Some people develop a habit of _______________

everything (including statements) to reveal “deeper meanings.” When you interpret or analyze, you imply an _______________________________ to accept the speaker’s statements just as they are.

Interpreting -analyzing

unwillingness

5. _______________________________________We all know how frustrating and annoying it is

to be in a conversation with someone who always has something ______________ and more interesting to say than we do. In addition, when you ____________________ a conversation, others are forced to use another communication stopper, _______________________, just to get a word in.

Dominating -

betterdominate

interrupting

6. _______________________________________Asking a lot of questions (“Why did you go

there?” or “Who did you see?” or “What did he do?”) tends to put the speaker on the ___________ by requiring one to explain every statement. More importantly, your questions may lead the speaker _________ _________ what one originally wanted to say. If you ask too many questions, you are ____________________, not _________________ the conversation.

Probing -

defensive

Away from

controllingsharing

7. _______________________________________There’s nothing more frustrating than trying to

talk with someone who _________________________ everything you say, insists that your ideas are wrong, or states that what happened was your fault. ________________________________ and ____________________________ put the speaker on the spot, and make the speaker _____________.

Accusations

Challenging/Accusing/Contradicting

Contradictions

challenges

defensive

Criticizing/Name Calling/Put Downs

. _______________________________________Don’t make sarcastic or negative remarks in response to the things someone says. __________whittles away at ____________________. Hardly anyone wants to continue a conversation that’s making them feel bad or small. Even name-calling and put-downs that sound _____________ can still be ____________________. In the long run, they ______________________ friendships.

criticismSelf-esteem

funnyhurtful

damage

Listening is a very important part of _____________________. Listed are characteristics of a good listener. Check ones that describe you most of the time.

Good listeners try to understand the _______________________ of the speaker’s words. They also know that the speaker’s message is not just in the __________________ words. They know that other parts of the message are things like the __________________ of voice, the expression on the speaker’s __________________, and the speaker’s ____________________and ______________________.

ListeningGood communication

meaning

spoken

toneface

body posture

Good listeners are __________________________ listeners. They don’t jump ahead and they give the speaker ______________. They concentrate on _____________________, not on thinking about what the speaker is going to say next or what they are going to say when the speaker is through. Good Listeners look at the person who is talking.

Good listeners know that the speaker’s _______________________ matter.

They show an interest in what the speaker is saying. They put aside their own ________________________________ for the time being. They realize that they can’t pay attention to someone else when they are thinking about themselves.

Listeningpatient

time listening

Feelings

opinions

When they respond, good listeners look for areas of ___________________________ and not weak spots (the opposite of a debater).

 When they respond, good listeners do not

________________________. When they ask questions, their purpose is to get more __________________________________, not set a trap for the speaker.

 When they respond, good listeners clear up

______________________before beginning their own talk.

listeningagreement

interrupt

information

misunderstandings

_______ something is said is often more important than _______ is said.

    Communication specialists tell us that when we send a message:   _______% of the message is communicated through body language;     _______% of the message is communicated through tone of voice;

and     _______% of the message is communicated through words.

Shh…Non-verbal communication

How what

55

38

7

Say it like it is. Remember that the same words don’t bring the same picture to everyone’s mind. So to send a clear message, be as _________________________and ________________________________ as possible with the words you ____________________.

Getting your message across

specificdescriptive

choose

Try to be sure inside yourself about the message you want to send. Ask yourself, “What am I trying to accomplish?” When you are sure about your message, everything about your (your voice, tone, behavior, etc.) will be ___________________________________. This is sometimes called being “____________.”

Ask for ______________________________________. Suppose you’ve given a message to someone and you want to be sure the person got it. You can check with the person in lots of different ways. For example, you can ask, “How do you feel about what I just said?”

Getting your message across

Consistentreal

feedback

When you want to be understood, send a clear message by following these simple steps:

1. Ask to be listened to: “I’d like to talk to you.” Or “There’s something I want to say.”

2. Look directly at the ____________________. 3. Speak in a clear voice. 4. Be as specific as you can with your words. (It helps to

think of what you’ll say before you say it.) 5. Give clear Messages: - Describe the situation - State how you feel - Describe what you want from the other person 6. Ask the listener if he or she understood what you said. 7. __________ the listener.

Send a clear message

listener

Thank