coaching day3
TRANSCRIPT
WELCOME to Day 3 of theCo-coaching programme with
STEWART LANE
AgendaTiming Activity
09.15 Arrive
9.30 Welcome and introduction. Recap on coaching and aligning the mind
9.40 Review of Co-coaching and tools
10.1510.50
Wheel of life & Time management revisited, Setting goals activity, Situational Transformation Tool
11.30 Break
11.45 Appreciative Inquiry Tool
13.00 Lunch
13.45 Comfort Zones Tool
14.30 Choices ToolEmotional Resilience
15.15 Break
15.30 Review of personal goals
16.30 Question and answer session, Review
17.00 Close
How you said you would like to work together
Confidentiality
Mobile phones off/ on silent
Honesty
Commitment
Flexibility
Time Keeping
Listening
Respect
Non Judgmental
The Co-coaching programme
3 months total:Initial 2 days coaching tools and methodologies training Co-coaching partnerships of pairs or triadsSetting own goals to raise levels of personal motivation, understand resistance to change and ways of moving forwardPracticing coaching tools & methodologiesTrainer support6 week period
Day 3 review co-coaching, tools and methodologiesLearn some new tools and techniquesReview own goals, strengthen co-coaching relationshipsContinue co-coaching partnerships of pairs or triadsPracticing coaching tools & methodologiesTrainer support6 week period
Day 4 review co-coaching, tools and methodologiesLearn some new tools and techniquesCase studies/ apply tools
End of programme
Let’s re-cap: so what is coaching?
“Coaching focuses on future possibilities, not past mistakes”
“Unlocking a person's potential to maximise their own performance, helping them to learn rather than
teaching them”
Gallwey, 2000
Why coaching?
Increases ownership and accountability
Solutions focussed
Focuses on clear goals
Builds capability and commitment
Supports sustainability
Coaching: critical skills
Knowing what you are there to do – the goal
Working with what is being said
Asking great questions
Listening to the whole person
Being fully present
Understanding
Probing
Summarising
Coaching: traps to avoid
Agreeing and commenting on everything that is said
Giving advice based on your experience
Looking for solutions, not listening
Thinking too far ahead – the next question but one
Rushing through current reality
Not being there for the coachee
Not using this opportunity to try something new
Coaching:Best Approach
Finding out WHAT MATTERS MOST to the coachee
Don’t buy in to the coachee’s “story”
Both coach and coachee having a clear understanding of the
coachee’s BIGGER PICTURE
Knowing how to link both of the above to your organisation’s
OFFER
Don’t expect a different result if your coachee is thinking the
Same old thoughts and performing the same old actions
Neuro plasticity: aligning the mind
also referred to as brain plasticity, cortical plasticity or
cortical re-mapping, is the changing of neurons, the organiz-
ation of their networks, and their function via new
experiences.
According to the theory of neuroplasticity, thinking, learning,
and acting actually change both the brain's physical structure
and functional organization
New findings suggest all areas of the brain are plastic
even after childhood
Neuro rigidity: brain never changes
Using the brain’s same hardware and software by
unconsciously processing the same thoughts through
Different interactions in the environment.
No new synaptic connections. Rigidity is to process the same
thoughts and perform the same actions… and expect a
Different result.DR Joe Dispenza
If you always do what you’ve always done, you’ll always get
what you’ve always got
Coaching: aligning the mind
Intention - the experience, Goal or objective I intend to create,
i.e: Happiness, successful manifestation of my desire, optimistic expectation
Focus - is the coachee focusing on what they want
or what they don’t want?
Attention - is the coachee noticing what supports their intention or
what they perceive to be working against it?
Coaching: aligning the mindUsing the concept:The focus must be on the goal or objective that is wanted! Make your coachee aware if most of their attention and focus is on what they do notwant, what is wrong with them or their life. Ask them how it feels to focus on what is not wanted. Then get them to talk about what they want. Embellish it and get them to describe it in as much detail as possible untilyou feel that they feel it.
Once the feeling is identified – this must be the dominant intention – to remember the feeling and try to trigger it as often as possible, particularly when coachee is feeling stressed, anxious and lacking confidence.
Then get coachee to notice any positive indicators of their goal. They might notice that someone else has achieved something similar etc. Regularly ask coachee what positive ‘co-incidences’ or ‘synchronicities’ they notice connected to their goal. This is the RAS at work. You can use the Gratitude attitude tool to help build on the coachee’s intention and attention
Coaching: aligning the mind
Whatever you Focus upon and give your attention to, you get
It whether you want it or not
Knowing what your Intention is, is your indicator of how close
you are to what you want.
Is your intention to feel good? Or is to:
Be right
Feel justified
Get someone else’s approval
Compete against another/ beat them
Be revenged
Coaching: aligning the mind and body
To create the right intention, align the mind and body with a
coachee’s goals, get him/her to make two lists:
1. List things and people currently in his/her life that he/she
values and appreciates (friends, health, opportunities, flowers etc)
2. List what he/she values and appreciates that can support his/her
intention.
This does not have to be a written list, but it works best that way
for people who are visual. This is most effective if you can coach your
Coachee to practice it everyday, first thing as part of a morning ritual.
How does change work?
“Change is a two part process.
Unlearning one pattern/old-self habit and replacing it with
a new one”
Aristotle said:
“We are what we repeatedly do.”
Nelson Mandela
Greatness is being greater than the
conditions in your life
Neural science tells us that
when we know what we are
wanting, the brain will start to look for
connections and pathways towards making it happen - unless our thinking
Or beliefs block it
Ideas
Dreams
Aspirations
Beliefs
Goals
Creating the Vision
Helping others to see a World of greater possibility
The brain needs to be “programmed” using the
RAS to look out for pathways to new objectives.
Linking steps
or stages
Helping others to see a World of greater possibility
Your brain loves New Experiences. These change your internal chemistry and re-programmes you neuro-chemically.
“Without surprises and new experiences, most people fall into neuro-chemical oblivion”. Dr J Dispenza - neuro scientist
The trick is to get your behaviours to match your intentions.
Wishing has no effect on the brain!!
The scenery or environment you find yourselfin is a direct result of what you have been thinkingand what you believe.
A belief is a thought you keep thinking over andover again until it is hard wired into your brain.
To create change, you must use the frontal lobe‘creative’ part of the brain to imagine what you want.
Focusing on what is not wanted and noticing what you don’t like triggers the analytical stress areas of the brain. This holds you in that fieldof energy and connects you to the very thing youwant to move away from
The paradox:
If there is something you don’t like about your life,analysing it causes you to create more of it. Theanalysis of “what I don’t want” or “why me?” becomes hard wired and you find yourself thinking about it all the time, paradoxically creating more of the same.
The only way to change it is to ignore what you don’twant, focus on what you do and match you attitudes and behaviours to it - as if you are experiencing itnow.
The paradox:
REALITY
Testing:
Who, what, where?
How much?
TGROW Coaching Model - a framework for running a coaching session
THEME
Initial
understanding
WILL
Clarity
Commitment
support
GOAL
For the session
OPTIONS
What’s possible
CO-COACHING
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Coaching programme
Activity - review coaching
Review of the Co-Coaching process
Discussion in small groups & record on flipchart paper
Focus on tools and co-coaching relationship -
what went well? /Even better if…?
Which tools did you use/like the most/least?
How easy was it to stick to time, meet/call at arranged
times and achieve your objectives?
How easy was it to ask good coaching questions?
How often did you provide coachee with your solutions?
What did you learn about yourself?
Did you use tools/techniques with clients?
CO-COACHING
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Coaching programme
Goal Setting & s-t-r-e-t-c-h-i-n-g
Goals can be identified when a coachee outlines a desire, objective or aspiration that is important to them. Once coachee has identified a desire, objective or aspiration that is important to them, ask them to estimate a time in the future when it will be accomplished. Explore with your coachee in detail what that will feel like – what will they be thinking, feeling, saying, doing when it is accomplished? Ask coachee to identify some actions they can take now that will be steps towards their greater goal or ‘bigger picture’. Use TGROW to test the actions
Goal setting and s-t-r-e-t-c-h-i-n-g
See if you can s-t-r-e-t-c-h the goals by asking coachee to consider increasing step in some way
i.e: coachee agrees to write up CV in a week
Can they write it up with in the next 2 days? Can they research a number of relevant agencies to send it to?Can they find someone with expert knowledge to look over the CV and ensure it does the coachee credit?
What is coachee’s level of commitment on a scale of 1 – 10?
If less than 10, what will it take to raise their level of commitment?
Goal setting and s-t-r-e-t-c-h-i-n-g
CO-COACHING
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Coaching programme
Wheel of Life/ Time Management review
WHEEL
OF
LIFE
Using both handouts
• Fill in the wheels according to your levels of satisfaction
for the wheel of life and amount of time you devote to a
particular area on the Time management wheel
• What has changed?
• What new insights do you have?
• What might/could you do differently?
Revisiting the Wheel of life and Time management
TIME
MANAGEMENT
WHEEL
Coaching triad exercise 1
1 person to coach, 1 to receive coaching, 1 to observe
Using wheel of life and time management tools,
help coachee review their current position and
develop some new goals/ actions making sure they
are SMART. Try to see if you can s-t-r-e-t-c-h them.
Facilitator timed session - at the end of which
observers run a short feedback session
Keep to task and to the point, & be aware of time
Avoid rambling conversations
Observers check:
Feedback from the coachee
Did the coachee retain ownership?
Quality of listening
Quality of questioning
Structure and process
Value and benefit
Reviewing Goals activity
In plenary, each group will now discuss the goals that were set. What are the goals/ action plan for the coachee? How were these arrived at Coach: are you convinced your coachee will follow through with
action plan? Coachee: are you likely to follow through with action plan? Were you able to s-t-r-e-t-c-h the goals? Were the goals smart?
Are the goals/ actions SMART?
Well defined
Clear to both parties what is involved
Specific
Measurable
Agreed upon
Realistic
Time based
Is goal obtainable? How far away is completion?
Know when it has been achieved
Agreement with the coachee what the goals should be
Within the availability of resources, knowledge and time
Enough time to achieve the goal
Not too far ahead that the coachee may lose impetus
WOL identifies areas of high and low satisfaction You can ask the questions: how would it feel if this section of low satisfaction was high instead? What can you do to increase your level of satisfaction? Explore with coachee alignment of values with levels of satisfaction on WOL. Where do they match? Where do they not match? Complete a new WOL every few months and explore with coachee what has changed.
Wheel of life and Values tool - reminder
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Coaching programme
Situation Transformation Tool
Situation transformation Tool
The situation transformation tool is used to break a deadlocked situation. It does not necessarily provide immediate solutions, but it will help the coachee to explore new possibilities and review choices for action other than ones they have typically been considering. This tool is particularly useful for helping develop new neural pathways and connections and is to encourage ‘creative thinking’ rather than ‘analytical thinking’ based on past outcomes on which future probabilities have been set by the coachee.
Situation transformation Tool
Remember: left brain thinking, which is analytical and past/ future focused uses past experience to forecast future likely outcomes. Unless new possibilities are con-sidered as part of the equation, thinking becomes locked down and options for action, and therefore experience, are severely compromised.
When exploring a new possibility ask coachee the question: “Who do you need to be to get what you want?”
i.e:what new behaviours and attitudes must be adopted to create a positive, favourable outcome?
Situation transformation Tool
What is it I want?
What’s getting in the way?(external influences)
What’s my new possibility?
How am I stopping myself? (internal influences)
A B
D C
40
ACTION BY WHEN?
Identifythe newIntention.What will the focus be?What will coachee give theirAttention to?Then create an action plan
Coaching triad exercise 2
1 person to coach, 1 to receive coaching,
1 to observe
Using situation transformation tool,
help coachee review a current position that appears
deadlocked.
Try to see if you can help them entertain a
new possibility
Facilitator timed session - at the end of which
observers run a short feedback session
Keep to task and to the point, & be aware of time
Avoid rambling conversations
Feedback
• What went well?• Even better if?
BREAK
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Coaching programme
Appreciative Inquiry Tool
Appreciative Inquiry
Definition/Overview
Dr. David L. Cooperrider is the primary originator of Appreciative Inquiry. AI asks us to pay special attention to "the best of the past and present" in order to "ignite the collective imagination of what might be."
Appreciative inquiry is about seeing that which others may not see. It's about heightening our awareness of the value, strength and potential of ourselves and others and overcoming the limits that we impose, often unconsciously, on our own capacities.
AI is a new paradigm for human development and social innovation. By asking positive questions, we can generate new images of the future images evoked by the best of the past and present. These powerful images of ourselves, our
organisations and the world can inspire action and innovation.
Principles - what is the positive alternative?Pair up the columns:
Deficit-based Thinking Vision-ledProblems Meaning"The glass is half empty" "The glass is half full" Problem-driven Abundance of resources Money Unprecedented breakthroughsScarcity of resources The Quest Critical thinking PossibilitiesResistance Energy Incremental advances RelationsToken promises Self-directed Using others Generative Thinking Transactions learned - by exampleProfessionally-directed Full-of-meaning commitmentsTaught -- as admonitions Collaborating with others
Principles
Deficit-based Thinking The Quest Problems Possibilities"The glass is half empty" "The glass is half full" Problem-driven Vision-led Money MeaningScarcity of resources Abundance of resourcesCritical thinking Generative Thinking Resistance Energy Incremental advances Unprecedented breakthroughsToken promises Full-of-meaning commitmentsUsing others Collaborating with others Transactions RelationsProfessionally-directed Self-directed Taught -- as admonitions learned - by example
Appreciative Inquiry
If a client is having difficulty in developing their goals and ideas, you can use this process to help unlock their thinking and support them to find a way to progress.The purpose is to allow the client to share their positive experiences from anywhere in their lives of ‘personally achieving something’ so that they can draw out personal values and qualities that will help move them forward with their goals.
Ask coachee to identify and importantGoal or objective, then…Ask the following question of your client:
Q = Tell me about a time in your life when you gained a great deal of enjoyment, happiness or satisfaction from personally achieving something; or something that you would love to do again?
Let the coachee tell their story without interruption and make your own full, clear legible notes about what they say.
Be attentive and only ask the following questions when they have finished:
What was it about the situation that made you particularly happy or satisfied?What did you value most about the situation (this may be more than one)?What positive qualities did it reveal in you?
Make notes in response to their answers.
Process: run steps 1 & 2together
Step OneWorking in same
triads - swap roles
Now, using the notes from step one draw out the
following points with the client:
The key themes
•How did they feel then? How do they feel now?
Summarise and reflect to the client what they havedescribed and give them the opportunity to add any further thoughts that they feel have not been captured.
Step Two
It is important that the client’s every day environment does not control
who they think they are and you cannot use the emotions of survival to
create change in your life.
Ask client to think about their original goal and imagine they have already
accomplished it. What does that look like? Now ask them to describe
An emotional response to it such as:
“ I am so happy that I have achieved X, I want to JUMP FOR JOY”.
Jump for joy - would be the emotional trigger.
Ask client to remember it and use the trigger every time they think
About doing something connected to their end goal
Step Three creating an emotional trigger
Step Four
Work with the client to create three possibility statements as if they are living the future they imagined. Here are some examples of possibility statements:
I am happily achieving what I want in my life I can see others smiling with satisfaction and pride at my achievements I notice that the more I achieve, the more others around me achieve I am receiving really good feedback for achieving what I have I am reading a great thank you letter from someone saying how much they appreciate what I have done for them
Step Four
Now ask the client: which of the statements is most likely to move them towards their goal and ask them to explain why?
Then ask them to think of 3 things that they could do between nowand the next interview that would move them closer to achieving their dream.
Ask them to commit to taking action to achieve these 3 thingsAsk them how committed they are on a scale of 1-10?
If they have a low level of commitment ask them what it will take to raise their level of commitment?
Make a note of what they have finally committed to achieve before the next interview and remind them that you will discuss this at the start of the next session.
What went well…
Even better if…
Feedback Session....
LUNCH
CO-COACHING
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Coaching programme
Comfort Zones Tool
Safe & secure
COMFORT ZONE
Not challenging - in a rut
ComfortZones
Extended zone
Comfort Zones Tool
Explore/ list with coachee the areas of their life or situation where they feel comfortable, safe or secure.
Which of these give a high level of satisfaction and which ones are boredom indicators? (i.e: “I stay in a lot and watch TV because I can’t afford to go out, but most of the TV I watch is bad or boring. I end up eating lots of sweets and feel I’m putting on weight and am really unfit”)
Explore/ list any desires/ aspirations/ goals or objectives they have in their Extended Zones.
Use Costs & Pay-offs tool to explore the GAP between action and ambivalence
Use the Situation transformation tool to see if you can agree some actions to create a new possibility
Coaching triad exercise 3
1 person to coach, 1 to receive coaching,
1 to observe - swap roles
Ask coachee to explore any areas of their
life/work which they feel are not challenging
or where they feel in a rut.
See if you can coach them to entertain a new
possibility or take an action/s that will constitute
an improvement
Tools that might help: Anti-goals and Costs & Pay-offs
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Coaching programme
Choices Tool - activity
Things I like to do/ experience
LIST
1.
2.
3.
4.
5.
6.
7.
Choices: whole group exercise
Things I like to do/ experience
LIST
1.
2.
3.
4.
5.
6.
7.
Choices: exercise
Jobs and courses I have done
LIST
1.
2.
3.
4.
5.
6.
7.
Choices Tool
Take an A4 sheet of paper and fold in half length-ways.
Ask coachee to list on the left hand side as many things as they can think of that they enjoy doing, bring a sense of fulfilment or creativity or satisfaction. Make the list as comprehensive as possible
Then ask coachee to list down the right hand side column the types of jobs they have done. Include any courses, further education, subject options for O/A levels (if appropriate).
Ask coachee to compare both lists. Do they reflect one another?
This is a good tool to help coachees consider what kinds of work to look for or career path to follow. The list on the left hand side gives an indication of the types of activities that give satisfaction and engagement and should be influencing decisions for the right hand column.
Share the results of the choices exercise with your
co-coaching partner
Are your career/educational choices in alignment with
some of the items you listed in the left hand column?
Using coaching questions, ask each other
What personal insights did you gain from the exercise?
How else might you use this exercise? (i.e.: Health?)
When would you use this exercise with clients?
In what areas could this tool be used to evolve clients’
views of their skills and capabilities?
Co-coaching....
Feedback
What went well? Even better if?
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Coaching programme
What is it we are trying to achieve?
Personal Resilience
Using social networks
• Engaging in participation and dialogue
• Working with and seeking support from others
• Learning form othersTaking an holistic
approach• Understanding the
vision & bigger picture
• Structured and focused
• Planning ahead
Being Open• Being creative
• Being curious
• Remaining optimistic
Coaching - in summary - the Key Characteristics of Personal Resilience
Understanding self-worth•Showing emotional maturity
•Recognising talents and strengths
•Being self-confident
•Knowing you do not know
•Carry out self reflection and correction
•Being curious
•Remaining optimistic
Having personal discipline
& responsibility•Demonstrating behavioural adaptability
•Being true to values and behaviours
•Facing reality
Copyright circle indigo
BREAK
1.Future aspirations
Your vision
for Yourself &Your life
Co-coaching: the next 6 weeks
4. Steps to the future
what can you do now?
2.Past achievement
s
You are proud
of
3. Present -what you currently
have
to build on
Re-visit the goals you setat the initial workshop. Do you want to change any goals/ stretch themor create new ones? Use future focus tool to re-assess goals and well-formed outcomes to test them What have you learnedabout yourself and mot-ivation generally? Has this impacted on how you view your clientsAnd their own motivation?
Gratitude attitude Tool
Gratitude for all the good things in your life is a powerful way of creating a positivechemical profile in the body
This process works best if practiced ever day for at least one week
In the morning, write a list covering a sheet of A4 paper, mentioning everythingAnd everyone in your life who you consider a positive influence. Build on the list as much as you can.
Read your list immediately before going to bed to sleep and add anything thathas happened during the day that contributes positively to the list
Get into the habit of mentally practicing your list every day first thing in the morning and last thing at night before sleeping.
Gratitude attitude Tool
The act of appreciation or gratitude does not offer resistance to the goals and objectives a coachee is trying to realise. Instead they help create the right chemical balance of positivity that support attaining those goals and objectives. This tool is particularly useful for over-coming anti-goals
Share the results of the future focus/ well -formed
outcomes review with your co-coaching partner
Use TGROW to review your partner’s goals and test/
stretch them
review your co-coaching sessions to date:
How strong was the commitment? WWW/EBIs?
What can you improve upon?
Write your own Lists of appreciation everyday for one week
(Gratitude attitude)
Agree your next co-coaching date
Email Stewart your updated action plans within 1 week
Co-coaching....
You must email me after your next session to inform me that it has taken place.
Include an update of your own goals and how you think the session
went. Revise your ‘Letter from the future’. Make sure you post a copy to your
coaching partner and to me.
You can email me any time to answer any coaching questions you may have
If we agree it is necessary, we can discuss any issues further by phone I need everybody’s email address today Take a note of my email address now:
Visit the website www.stewartlanecoaching.com there is a forum for coaching questions and discussions - feel free
to raiseAny coaching related questions you may have
Keeping in contact with Stewart
WeeklyEmail update
Website
Support
Review of the day
What went well?
Even better if?
Have a greatCo-coaching
6 weeks