Click here

Your Co-Chairs Report ........................................................... Page 2Also, Adlerian nuggets of wisdom, how to reach us

Section Business.................................................................. Pages 3, 5 Leadership Changes, Meeting Minutes, Treasury Report

Participate in PEEP ............................................................... Page 11New Parenting Research Project In Progress

Also in this issue

Dear Addy...Guest author is Gail Cutler, Chicago-area family counselor/parent educator.

Dear Addy,

We are heartbroken and worried.We raised our three children, 17-year old Jane, 14-year old Andyand 10-year old Jimmy strictly byAdlerian principles, yet werecently discovered that Jane hasbeen drinking to drunkenness andnear alcohol poisoning.

A Publication of the NASAP Family Education Section Fall 2004

North American Society of Adlerian Psychology...International Adlerian Leadership Since 1952

Continuing Feature

Family Educators Weigh In:What Is Key Principle to Impart to Parent?FE Section email list participants were polled about the principle or two they'd most like toimpart in a parenting class. We ran some of their responses in the last issue of FAMILY!Here are some additional replies from that group, and others made at our Annual Meeting.

• Jody McVittie (Parent educator, trainer of parent educators) wrote "tosee the world from the child's eyes (kids are human beings too with feelingsand thoughts...and their reactions make sense.); mutual respect - reframed:Respect for yourself and the needs of the situation (firmness), respect forthe child as a human being (kindness)....and doing both kindness andfirmness at the same time. This means you set limits without being mean,and are compassionate and connected without needing to be 'nice' or

needing to be 'liked' by thechild. (But of course childrendo respect and like adultswho use this kind of deeprespect for them as a humanbeing.)"

• Katy Shetka (ParentEducator) "At FEC (SantaRosa, California) ...thereoccurring theme ...is theconcept of encouragement.This is the foundation of theDreikursian approach topositive discipline. Workingfrom the premise thatmisbehaving children arediscouraged rather than bad,we teach parents techniquesto redirect misbehavior thatfocus on their children's

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Enjoy the benefits of Membership!

• Look for special reports andelectronic versions of NASAP newson our Members Only webpage atwww.alfredadler.org• Send us your email address–jointhe members-only conversation"between the lines" of FAMILY!Write ParentEd@comcast.net• Vote on our new By-Laws (p.7-8)

Member Memo

Resiliency Skills forChildren, Part 2As promised in the last issue of FAMILY!,we are continuing this article generouslyprepared for us by Lynne Ticknor, aparent educator with PEP in Maryland.Lynne is a freelance writer and senioreditor with the Family & Home Network.

1. The ABC ModelThe first resiliency skill we canteach our school-aged children isthe ABC System adopted fromReivich. This model helps them tounderstand the connectionbetween their thoughts andfeelings and their behaviors.

The A in the ABC model stands forthe adverse event or situation.Adversity can be big (like havingto move or the death of a familymember) or small (like a friend notwanting to sit next to you orforgetting your homework).

The B in the ABC model refers tothe child's beliefs and thoughtsabout the specific event. Thebeliefs may be different for

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FAMILY!Click Here for

Bonus Pages

Myrtle Beach

Photos!

FAMILY! Fall 2004

Family Education Section of the North American Society of Adlerian Psychology/NASAP 2

FE Section Co-Chairs Report...

How to reach us

Family Education Section Co-ChairsMary L. Hughes, M.H.R.Iowa State University Extension1600 S. Hwy 275ISD Campus, 2nd fl Careers Bldg.Council Bluffs IA 51503email <mhughes@iastate.edu>

Alyson Schafer, M.A.3219 Yonge Street, Suite 341Toronto, ON M4N 3S1 Canadaemail <alyson@alyson.ca>

FAMILY! EditorBryna Gamson, M.A.T.2823 Summit AvenueHighland Park IL 60035email <ParentEd@comcast.net>

NASAP<www.alfredadler.org>

•phone 717.579.8795fax 717.533.8616email info@alfredadler.org

•614 W Chocolate AvHershey PA 17033

Adlerian Wisdom• Proper timing will improve youreffectiveness tenfold. It does not"work" to deal with a problem at thetime of conflict–emotions get in theway. Teach children about cooling-offperiods. You (or the children) can goto a separate room and do somethingto make yourself feel better–and thenwork on the problem with mutualrespect.

--from Positive Disciplineby Jane Nelsen

Thank you, Jane, for permission toagain reprint from your Guidelines.

Dear FAMILY!

This morning as I [Mary] stepped out of my car, a swirl of fall leaves cametoward me, almost exploding with color–bright crimson, burnt orange, analmost lime green, and a brazen yellow! I was immediately reminded ofthe bright countryside canvas around Hershey a little more than a weekearlier, as the NASAP Section leaders, the Board, and the Affiliate repsgathered for our Fall COR meeting. I wish you could all have been there toenjoy the exploding enthusiasm that was present each time we gathered todo business. The time fairly flew, and before we knew it, we were on ourway home. (Look for some highlights of this activity on page 6.)

With mixed emotions, we wish Linda Jessup a fond farewell. Althoughshe's taking a step up to the Board as a Director, we will miss thisdynamite soft-spoken, organized, hard-working, straight-shootin' womanin the doin's of the Family Education Section (FES)! Linda has been agracious, knowledgeable Co-Chair, and I have personally grown becauseof her mentorship. Her vision for NASAP is panoramic. As the BoardDirector responsible for Membership, Linda will be energetically helpingall of our Sections find ways to grow NASAP, so stay tuned for herwisdom to reappear on the horizon again–just from a differentperspective! I like to think our FES is sending Linda 'on assignment.'Linda promises to keep her spurs in Family Ed business, so we can expectto see her at our Section meeting in the Spring in Tucson. (And, speakingof Tucson, this is the year to bring a co-worker or other professional, asLinda has spruced up the first-timers' breakfast and it will likely helpnewcomers toss their hats in the ring much sooner than in past years!)

As one leader's journey fades into the sunset, our new Co-Chair, AlysonSchafer, greets us at sunrise! WELCOME, ALYSON! Thank you forgiving us an unqualified "yes" when asked to finish out Linda's term.

Now–in closing, concerning Y-O-U! Alyson and I invite you to share yourconcerns, your energy, and your passion for what you do! Please let usknow how we can best represent your interests. Please let us know ifthere is a topic you want to discuss or a question you want to raise.

These are busy times for all of us, and our work today with families andchildren is built on our Adlerian heritage. It's time for the good news tobe spread. Take time to celebrate Alfred Adler. Take time to celebrate therelationships that are built upon the 'family.' Take time to celebrate you!

Some exciting, brightly-colored happenings are swirling about us. YourSection and organizational leadership is rarin’ to go!

So take time to notice the swirl of Fall color – may it energize you and getyou caught up in the flurry! ■

Warm regards,

Mary & Alyson

FAMILY! Fall 2004

NASAP...International Adlerian Leadership Since 1952 3

Section Business:Welcome New LeaderAn interim change of leadership for our Section occurred at the AnnualConvention in Myrtle Beach in June. Alyson Schafer was asked to step inas Co-Chair to take over the duties of Linda Jessup, who in turn had beenasked to serve on the NASAP Board of Directors as Membership Chair.Congratulations, Linda and welcome, Alyson!

Alyson will serve out Linda's term, which ends at the next AnnualMeeting in Tucson in June, 2005. Nominations and balloting for the full 3-year term of Co-Chair will be conducted by mail. New leadership will beinstalled at the Tucson meeting.

Continuing Co-Chair Mary Hughes, Alyson and Linda all attended theCOR meeting in Hershey in October. Before officially leaving Sectionleadership this Fall, Linda worked diligently (as usual!) to update our By-Laws (see pages 7-8). "I will be serving with a Membership hat but aFamily Education heart on the NASAP Board," she said.

Alyson brings tremendous enthusiasm, energy and know-how as a parenteducator, counselor and certified Parent Coach, as well as Canadianrepresentation. Learn more about her by visiting her website at:www.alyson.ca, and send�Alyson your warm welcome toalyson@alyson.ca.

Thank you, Linda, for your active service since 2001, when you, too, firststepped in to finish a term of office. You have made a profound difference!

Convention MinutesMyrtle Beach, June 4, 2004: An overview of the Agenda was presented byCo-Chair Linda Jessup. Co-Chair Mary Hughes joined Linda inwelcoming all 26 attendees present for this meeting, and encouragedeveryone to join NASAP and the Family Education Section.

Convention participants present were asked to introduce themselves andshare briefly what they consider to be the most important Adlerianconcept they teach. (See page 10 for a summary.)

Jody McVittie presented a draft evaluation form of PEEP for our parenteducators to give to parents so that we can better assess our effectiveness,and address statistical requirements often made of grant seekers. We willbegin by taking a small doable step as a group toward identifyingourselves as a "best practice." The group comment period was to beconducted through June 25th. A final form will be emailed to all who areinterested in participating. The goal is to have an "n" of 1000 in less thanone year, to present the data next year and to hopefully have it publishedin a peer reviewed journal. (Thank you, Jody, for this monumental effort!See article on page 11 this issue, so you can join the collaboration. -- ed)

The change to FES leadership was announced: Alyson was appointed tofinish out Linda’s term. Begin to think about who will lead the group forthe next full term.

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Myrtle BeachMusings: AParticipant Reportsby Sherry Siman Maliken, CertifiedParent Educator, PEP, Kensington, MD

What a fabulous opportunity Iexperienced–to be at the NASAP2004 annual conference withAdlerians from all over the U.S.–accompanied by a wonderfulcontingent from the ParentEncouragement Program (PEP) inKensington, MD and otherAdlerian practitioners based inMaryland. I am always "wowed"by the classes, talks andworkshops offered at AdlerianConferences, but I am equally"wowed" by the special socialconnectedness that so magicallyoccurs when one becomes a part ofthis type of Adlerian Thinktank.NASAP'04 in Myrtle Beach was noexception.

My plate at the conference wasquite full. The line-up of sessions Iattended included these and someothers discussed below: RobertMcBrien's Are We Having Fun Yet?;Jane Griffith's Gender Stereotypes &Personal Guiding Lines; Jim Bitter'sEmotions & Early Recollections; MelMarkowski's Mistaken GamesParents & Children Play; RachellAnderson's The Healing Powers ofCreativity: Writing Stories That Heal.

All sessions were valuable to me asa Family Educator. The beauty ofattending the NASAP AnnualConference is the opportunity tobe exposed to a large variety ofAdlerian teachers, concepts, andtopics. It is always an opportunityto go deeper with some principlesthat you have already learned, aswell as a chance to be exposed tonew ideas and applications.

In terms of family education, Ifound Mary Maguire's brainstorm

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FAMILY! Fall 2004

Family Education Section of the North American Society of Adlerian Psychology/NASAP 4

Resiliency Part 2...cont. from page 1having them examine their self-talk. Self-talk, what Reivich refersto as "ticker-tape beliefs," is whatwe say to ourselves. It determineshow we feel and how we respondto specific situations. School-agedchildren may not be aware of their"self-talk," but it's there. Reivichsuggests thinking about your self-talk as an internal radio stationthat plays you, you, you, all thetime. "You have to turn thevolume up on the station so thatyou can be in tune with what youare thinking," Reivich says. Aparent's biggest challenge ishelping their child identify theirticker-tape beliefs.

Parents can help their childrenidentify their ticker-tape beliefs byasking questions that specificallyfocus on what thoughts weregoing through the child's headwhen a particular incident occurs.For example, if your daughter isupset because her friend did notwant to sit next to her duringlunch, you may ask your daughter,"What did you say to yourselfwhen that happened?" or "Whatwere you thinking when she saidshe didn't want to sit with you?"

Once your daughter can identifyher self-talk, you can begin to takeher through the ABC model.Reinforce the concept that feelingsand behaviors are generated bywhat she thinks about thesituation, what she says to herselfwhen it happens. The situation

By-Laws Revision RequiresYour Approval

Tear out page 7-8 and send in your vote today! continues on page 5

*Karen Reivich, author of The ResilienceFactor, uses the term consequences. Here we'vechosen to use the word conduct.

merely invites these thoughts thatlead to emotions.

2. Challenging BeliefsThe next step in developingresiliency is to challenge the ticker-tape beliefs themselves.Challenging our beliefs allows usto test the accuracy of the thoughtswe are having. For example, ifyour daughter is upset because herfriend won't sit next to her at lunchand her self-talk is saying, "It's nowonder she doesn't want to sitnext to me. I'm not a good friend.In fact, no one wants to be myfriend," you can ask her tochallenge whether those thoughtsare accurate.

Teach your child to look for theevidence that does not support herthoughts. Ask her to pretend sheis a detective and search for cluesthat support the opposite of whather self-talk is saying. Yourdaughter might say, "Actually, Iknow I am a good friend because Ijust helped Mary with ahomework assignment she washaving trouble completing. And Iknow that other people want to bemy friend because Judy called melast night to see if I would go to themovies with her on Saturday." Byhaving your daughter recallspecific real-life evidence that herticker-tape beliefs are false, she canbegin to replace her negative self-talk with more constructive,encouraging words. By changingwhat she thinks, she can changehow she feels and behaves infuture situations.

3. Putting it in PerspectiveChildren often get themselves intoa downward spiral withcatastrophic thinking. A childwho dwells on an adversesituation and imagines a series ofdisastrous events that will followis thinking catastrophically. Athird-grader who forgets her

different children who experiencethe same adversity. For example,one child who forgets hishomework may think, "I alwaysforget my homework. I can'tremember anything. I'm sostupid!" Another child may think,"Homework is so dumb! Teacherswho assign homework are somean!" And a third child maythink, "Uh, oh, I forgot myhomework. Mmmm, well, now Ihave an extra night to correct themistake I made on it. I'll turn it intomorrow."

The C* in the ABC model refers tothe child's emotional andbehavioral conduct or responses tohis beliefs and thoughts (the B)–this is how he feels and what hedoes in the situation. In theexample above, the first child maycry or be exceptionally quiet andwithdrawn for the rest of the day.The second child may becomevisibly angry and respond harshlyto the teacher when she walksaround the room to collect thehomework. The third child mayapologize to the teacher forforgetting her homework and askpermission to bring it in the nextday.

Most people believe that how theyreact to a situation, their conduct(the C), is the direct result of theadversity (the A). This is not thecase. How we feel and react (theC) is the direct result of what wethink (the B) about the adversity.Identifying what we believe orthink about a specific situation isthe key to understanding why webehave the way we do. Teachingchildren to identify their thoughtsat the exact moment when they aredealing with the adversity can be achallenge.

The best way to do this is by

FAMILY! Fall 2004

NASAP...International Adlerian Leadership Since 1952 5

homework one day is practicingcatastrophic thinking when shethinks, "I'm so stupid. I alwaysforget my homework. Now I'mgoing to get a D in this class. I'mprobably going to get D's in all myclasses. And if I get D's in all myclasses, I'll fail the third grade. Myfriends won’t like me anymore.My parents will be mad at me,too."

By challenging your child on thesebeliefs, you can help her break outof the cycle of catastrophicthinking. Ask, "Is this likely tohappen?" or "What’s the likelyresult of forgetting yourhomework?" Once your childbegins thinking more clearly aboutthe possible – and more realistic –outcomes, she can begin to comeup with solutions to her problem.

4. Real-time ResilienceThe final resilience skill, Real-timeResilience, can only effectively beused when the other three skills

Resiliency Part 2...cont. from page 4have been mastered. This skill isused by children to "fight back"against negative thoughts whenthey don't have a lot of time toanalyze problems. This techniquewould work well just before achild takes a test, attempts a foulshot in a basketball game or asks afriend for a special favor.

In this technique, the child learnsthree phrases to resist negativeself-talk: "That can't be truebecause . . . ," "Another way to seethis is . . . " and "The most likelything that will happen is . . . and Ican . . . to deal with that." Forexample, if your child's self-talk is"I'm so stupid! I always forget myhomework! Now I'm going to geta bad grade," you can teach yourchild to respond by saying, "That'snot true. This is only the first timeI've forgotten my homework allyear," or "Another way to see thisis an opportunity to correct themistake I made on my homeworktonight and turn it in tomorrow,"

or "The most likely thing tohappen is that I will lose points forturning it in late, and I can workharder on the next project to dealwith that."

Fighting back against negativeself-talk is a powerful tool to stopnegative thoughts as they occur.Training children to fight back cango a long way in making themmore resilient when faced withdifficult or uncomfortablesituations.

All parents hope their children willdevelop strong friendships, besuccessful and make gooddecisions. These four skills canhelp build their confidence andboost their independence. Byteaching children to listen to andhonor their "inner voice," parentscan help them eliminate negativethoughts. Teaching thesepowerful thinking tools can equipthem to face adversity well-prepared and able to thrive. ■

Section Business...continued from page 3gratitude, a one-time gift from theNASAP Board of Directors to helpcover the convention scholarshipswhich had been awarded. We alsoaccepted, with appreciation, areturn of half of one of thescholarships to the FES cofferswhen the recipient learned of themissing funds.

With the arrival of interimmembership dues, including somevery welcome new members, andthe fact that our Central Office didnot forward any further funds tothe Treasurer (giving us a carried-forward amount on deposit), theFES is again operating in the black.Henceforth, finances for allSections will be held by NASAP'sCentral Office.

Update FY04 (10/1/03 - 9/30/04)from Becky LaFountain, ExecutiveDirector of NASAP

IncomeDues $1,086.35Balance Forward 603.75Total Income $1,690.10

ExpensesNewsletter $309.86Conference 250.00Travel 0.00*Total Expenses $559.86

On hand Fall 04 $1,130.24

*The last Hershey meeting took placein the 2003 fiscal year, Sept. 2003.�Sincewe shifted the meeting to October, thismeeting falls in the 2005 fiscal year;therefore, no Hershey meeting tookplace in the 2004 fiscal year. ■

Treasury ReportYour leadership regretfullyreported at the Myrtle BeachAnnual Meeting that the Treasurerof our Section has not maintainedcontact with NASAP or the FESCo-Chairs. The Treasurer lastreported (in FAMILY! of March2003) that she held–as was typicalof all Sections–our funds, over$1,254 as of November 2002. Nofunds were disbursed by her afterthat time, nor did she respond toour many attempts tocommunicate with her, throughthe full range of mail, phone, emailand even Instant Messaging.

Therefore, the following measureswere taken in order to regain theSection's financial stability: wepublished one less issue ofFAMILY!. We accepted, with

FAMILY! Fall 2004

Family Education Section of the North American Society of Adlerian Psychology/NASAP 6

Family Education Section Has Impact At the COR Meeting!

• Other Sections were impressed with the FES's vitality at the OctoberCOR meeting. Our revised By-Laws were so admired that other Sectionsmay well base their revisions on ours.

• Changes coming up in The NASAP Newsletter (TNN) include a plan tofeature mini forms of the various Section newsletters, complemented by aResource Page more directly related to that Section's interests. In fact,consider this a call for your talents: send us a Resource Page that will bepartnered with an excerpted FAMILY! in the next year. (see next column)

• All Sections unanimously decided that their Section dollars will behoused at the national office in Hershey. This will streamline operationsand prevent problems such as FES has experienced. (see "Treasury" p. 5)

• A long-term planning committee of NASAP is considering the question:"What is an Adlerian parent/family educator?" Our own Mary Hughesraised this question to invite NASAP to consider designing a certificationprogram for parent educators. Many parent educators get certification ina specific curricula, and this is helpful, of course. There are manydifferent ways to be an Adlerian practitioner with families, and aren'tthere some similarities and principles to guide recognition of apractitioner who is Adlerian? What practices set apart 'Adlerians' fromother ways of teaching parenting? Is certification needed? Is it desirable?Does another organization do this already? Is it even necessary to berecognized as an Adlerian Family Educator/Family Therapist, etc.? Howdo we communicate 'this is Adlerian' to non-Adlerians? Why would aparent educator want to be a part of NASAP–and of the Family EducationSection? You can see the flurry of questions that were raised! Alyson andMary welcome any of your ideas and input into this inquiry.

In Other News

You've been reading about TAPTalks in TNN, and perhaps receivingemail reminders, too, to participate. Although TAPTalks is aimedprimarily at Teachers of Adlerian Psychology (chiefly professors) via theirSection, family educators teach the basic principles, too, so this servicecould be useful for our Section members as well. You can even receivecontinuing education credits, so be sure to set this up when you register.For more information or to register, email taptalk@adler.ca.

Looking Ahead to Tucson, June 16-18, 2005

Creating and Celebrating Healthy Communities is the theme of NASAP'05in Tucson. Local Chair Joyce DeVoss (DeVoss@cox.net) has some excitingnew ideas to generate an atmosphere of connection. Email her tovolunteer; she will have a place to use your talents! FES Co-Chairsreviewed some terrific proposals for the FE track, and will share them inthe next issue of FAMILY! And don't forget that the Section offersscholarship aid for two qualifying members. We look for folks withprofessional promise who could not otherwise afford to attend theconvention. Do apply to NASAP Central Office by March 1! ■

Highlights from Hershey

• The FES By-Laws have beenrewritten as a farewell gift fromformer Co-Chair Linda Jessup.(Thank you, Linda, hardly seemsenough!) Family Education Sectionmembers: please read these andcast your vote as directed so thatour business can carry on in atimely fashion.

• Job descriptions, officernotebooks, and a Section time-linefor due dates of business are allbeing created to standardize thework done by your Section officersand ease transitions. We plan toshare our finished work at theAnnual Meeting in Tucson.

• Assuming the By-Laws areadopted as written, in the Winterissue of FAMILY!, we will solicitnominations for a new FESposition: Secretary-Treasurer. Thejob description will be printedthen. Begin now to think of whoyou know (even yourself!) whomight make a good candidate forthis position and that of Co-Chair.Elections will be conducted forboth offices by mail and in person,concluding at the Annual Meeting.

• Do send us a handout that sharesan Adlerian concept for familiessuitable for including as aResource Page along with an issueof FAMILY! for TNN. TheResource Page committee willreview submissions to be sure thework is original (or reprinted withpermission), that it supportsAdlerian principles, and that itwould be useful to the generalmember of NASAP. Our Section'sturn comes soon, so send ussomething now, while you'rethinking about it: to Mary atenrich3726@aol.com. Don't worryabout formatting; our editor willdo that. Thanks ahead forcontributing. ■

FES Progress Notes& "To Do" List

FAMILY! Fall 2004

NASAP...International Adlerian Leadership Since 1952 7

Proposed Revised By-Lawstear out form below and mail in vote or send us a vote by email

Statement of PurposeThe purpose of the Family Education Section is to create a forum and network for exchanging ideas, materials and resourcesrelated to Adlerian Family Education; to reduce isolation and discouragement among individuals and small groups who donot have access to on-going community support; to encourage the development of increasingly effective methods for theresearch, collection and dissemination of information related to Family Education; and to support and highlight the workalready in existence in Family Education.

I. MembershipMembership in the Family Education Section is open to all General and Associate Members of NASAP in good-standing whoare involved in, interested in or supportive of Adlerian Family Education.

Section Membership becomes effective upon application and payment of dues.

Dues are determined by a vote of the Section Members. Failure to pay dues to the Section within ninety days of being billedfor such dues shall automatically result in loss of Membership in the Section.

Membership can automatically be reinstated by payment of dues.

II. Governance ProcessThere will be four officers that comprise the Family Education Section Leadership Council, three elected officers and oneappointed officer. All officers must be Members of the Family Education Section.

The elected officers consist of the two Co-Chairs, who also serve as representatives to the Council of Representatives (COR)and the Secretary/Treasurer. The Newsletter Editor, who is appointed by the Section officers, completes the LeadershipCouncil.

The elected officers shall be unpaid volunteers, though the Co-Chairs may be reimbursed by the Section for all or part of theirexpenses to COR meetings, as authorized by the Section Membership by three-fourths (3/4) vote of Members present at theAnnual Meeting.

The Newsletter Editor, who has a voice but not a vote on the Leadership Council, can be either an unpaid volunteer orpartially or totally paid for his/her services.

The term of office for each of the three elected positions (Co-Chairs and Secretary/Treasurer) will be three years. Electedofficers shall serve no more than two consecutive terms. The Newsletter Editor may hold this position until (s)he either resignsor is replaced by the Section officers.

Co-Chair terms shall be staggered to ensure continuity. Terms will not expire in the same year and new officers will be seatedat the Fall Board/COR meeting.

Should a Co-Chair be unable to attend either of the bi-annual COR meetings, provision will be made for a substitute Sectionrepresentative to be sent to the meeting: the Secretary/Treasurer, the Newsletter Editor, or other Section Memberrecommended by the FES Leadership Council. In this case, the Co-Chair’s absence would not be counted against his/hereligibility as a Section officer. (See Section III)

A Section meeting shall be held at least annually at the NASAP convention. The meeting shall be conducted according togenerally accepted parliamentary procedure by the Section Co-Chairs.

The Secretary/Treasurer will record the minutes of the meeting, tally and report election results and report the financial statusof the Section’s treasury.

By December 20, 2004, tear off and mail your official ballot on these Proposed Revised By-Laws for the FamilyEducation Section to NASAP, 614 W Chocolate Av, Hershey PA 17033 or email a response to our Editor,ParentEd@comcast.net. Please do vote! A majority of Members must be heard from in order to adopt new By-Laws.

I am a Member of FES and I vote ____YES ____NO.

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Family Education Section of the North American Society of Adlerian Psychology/NASAP 8

Committees shall be appointed as are deemed warranted by the elected officers.

At times other than the Annual Meeting, the FES Leadership Council shall be empowered to make decisions in regard to thebusiness of the Section.

Special meetings of the Membership may be called at the Co-Chairs’ discretion or upon petition by 20% of the Membership.

III. ElectionsNominations and elections of the two Co-Chairs and the Secretary/Treasurer shall be initiated through a call for nominationsin the Section newsletter and/or by email or mail and finalized at the Annual Meeting at the NASAP Convention.

A call for nominations will be published in the Section newsletter, along with the duties and requirements of the office, duringthe beginning of the year in which the officer’s term ends. Any Family Education Section Member may nominate any otherFamily Education Section Member, including him/herself.

Those nominees who are willing and able to serve shall make the following preparations to be nominated for an office in theFES:

1. Write a short description of themselves and their goals, for the Family Education Section newsletter.2. Submit two references/letters of recommendation, addressing both the nominee’s qualifications and character.

The FES Secretary will solicit and compile these descriptions, references and recommendations by email, regular mail,telephone and/or the newsletter.

In the event a Member is nominated for more than one office, the Member shall be given the opportunity to choose the officefor which (s)he prefers to run.

A ballot, which can be included in the Spring issue of the Family Education Section newsletter, may be mailed in by anyMember unable to attend the Section meeting at the convention or wishing to vote by that process rather than through theballoting conducted during the Annual Meeting. Mail-in ballots must be received by the Central Office of NASAP at least oneweek before the NASAP convention.

The ballot will also be distributed and a vote taken at the Annual Meeting. These ballots, cast in person at the AnnualMeeting, will be combined with any mail-in ballots received by the Central Office of NASAP at least one week before theconvention, and the newly elected officer(s) will be announced at that meeting.

The COR shall consider a Section officer’s position to be vacant upon receipt of a letter of resignation, upon notice ofdiscontinuance of membership in NASAP, or upon absence from two meetings within twelve months.

In the event that an officer resigns before the term of office is finished, the Co-Chair(s), in consultation with the other officersof the FES Leadership Council, will appoint someone to fill that position until the next scheduled election.

IV. FinancesThe fiscal year of the Section shall run from October 1st to September 31st.

Dues will be established at the Annual Meeting with at least a three-fourths (3/4) majority of Members present.

V. AmendmentsThese By-Laws may be amended by a two-thirds (2/3) majority vote of the Members present at an Annual or special meeting,or by those who respond to a mail-in or email ballot of the Family Education Section Membership, or a summary combinationof these.

Amendments must be voted upon at the Annual Meeting, by mail or email ballot or upon petition by twenty percent (20%) ofthe FES Membership.

MAIL TO:NASAP

614 W Chocolate AvHershey PA 17033

or email a response to our Editor atParentEd@comcast.net.

FAMILY! Fall 2004

NASAP...International Adlerian Leadership Since 1952 9

Dear Addy...continued from page 1While she promised that she will never abuse her body to such a degreeagain, she would not promise to stop drinking completely.

What's it all about, Addy? We are out of consequences and feel likeparenting failures.

-- Lost Our Courage

Dear Lost Courage,The parenting road is a bumpy one, especially during the teen years. So,hold on to your hats and your values while continuing to espouse zerotolerance regarding alcohol, drugs and sex. Although we cannot control ourteen's behavior, we can control our beliefs and expectations of their behavior.

Continue to be visible and actively involved in your children's lives. Janemay complain, but ask her questions: where are you going? with whom?will parents be home? who is the designated driver? At 17, she is alsounderaged, and she needs to know that you also have legal concernsabout her alcohol intake.

Network with like-minded parents and backup each other during hertirades about "no one else..." and "everybody is..." and "you're the onlyparents who...". Establish an "escape plan" for difficult situations Jane mayfind herself in. Peer pressure accounts for a large percentage of drug andalcohol abuse and premature sex. Continue to educate yourself and yourchildren regarding the effects of substances on their brains and bodies.Longterm and irreversible damage occurs resulting in impaired sleep, lossof memory and attention skills, depression, anxiety, auto accidents anddate rape.

Remember, children do hear their parents. It is never okay to give implicitor explicit permission to experiment with alcohol, drugs and sex. Silenceis not golden. Continue to be the responsible parents you have been, anddiscuss with your teens the consequences of rule breaking and bending.For example, her consequences might be loss of driving privileges,socialization curtailed, curfew instated or reinstated or changed to reflecttheir own behavior.

Can you stop Jane's behavior? Perhaps, not at this moment in time.However, children need to know clearly the family values and beliefs, andthat their parents love them enough to say "No!" Never give up. Courage!

--Addy ■

session on FECs in the 21st Centuryto be invigorating and interesting,generating a new way to look at anold model. One of the ideas thatcame out of this session was thatthe FECs might want to have alonger brainstorm session at thenext NASAP to share ideas andinformation. Equally interestingwas Mary's session andpresentation on ADHD– a novelway of viewing and working withthis "difference."

I also found Jody McVittie's &Cheryl Erwin's Neuroscience &Adler to be fascinating! As theyexplained, the workshop was justan "appetizer," but it was verydelicious. We looked at ImplicitMemory (0-18 mos. of age/pre-verbal stage when we "bodilyremember" items but cannot bringthem up verbally in the brain) vs.Explicit Memory (18 mos. & olderin which pictures, thoughts andnarratives can be verbally broughtup in the brain). Another gemfrom the Neuroscience workshopwas the statement that now thereis scientific backing for Adler'stheories: "What you decide aboutwho you are happens inrelationship. That's why ParentEducation works."

While I thoroughly enjoyed the 2-day main part of the conference, myfavorite parts were the half-day Pre& Post-Conference Workshops,Betty Lou Bettner's EarlyRecollections & Hala Buck's Mind-Body Connection. These were likethe crowning jewels. Aside fromthe interesting content of each ofthese, what set them in a specialcategory for me was the greaterdepth afforded.

Unfortunately, all feasts mustcome to end and so did this one.But, boy, was I full when it ended.I highly recommend theconference to all Parent Educators–initiated and uninitiated. Don’tmiss the next NASAP. ■

Myrtle Musings...continued from page 3

Email BagAmy Lew <amylew@adelphia.net>wrote in July, 2004:... I have been getting to do some interestingthings in Boston. I am on the faculty of theFamily Institute of Cambridge and have beenable to introduce Adlerian ideas to a numberof folks. I have given an intro workshop, oneon early recollections, one on familyconstellation, a few on parenting forclinicians and... a week long summerintensive on parenting. The first half was onthe basics of Adlerian parenting informationand the second part was to train parentstudy group leaders. Folks who took the

whole thing got a certificate in parenteducation from the institute. It was verysuccessful and I think thatI will be doing itagain. In the fall I will begiving a 3 dayearly recollection intensive. It has taken mequite a while to get a forum inMassachusetts but it is finally opening upand I have been asked to do trainings forvarious agencies and I will participate inthe Harvard Medical School ContinuingEd Couple Conference in October.... It isgratifying tobe able to teach what I reallycare about in my home area. ...I miss all myAdlerian connections. I am hoping to beable to attend the conference next year.

FAMILY! Fall 2004

Family Education Section of the North American Society of Adlerian Psychology/NASAP 10

Key Principle...continued from page 1

continues on page 11

strengths, improvements andefforts. This helps create a mindsetwhere parents start�to notice moreoften what is right and good abouttheir kid. In turn the familyatmosphere becomes morepositive, loving and respectful. Webelieve that people do better whenthey feel better about themselves."

• Dr. Ken West (Professor ofCounseling and HumanDevelopment, Lynchburg Collegein Virginia) said: "My studentsreport that parents respond mostto lessons on: 1. Encouragement 2.Logical and Natural Consequences 3.Goals of Misbehavior. Our oldergraduate students seem to havemore success teaching ordinalposition theory than our youngerones do. Older students also seemmore able to apply the ordinalposition theory to their own lives.So, this part of the programreceives mixed reviews."

• Linda Jessup (former SectionCo-Chair and founder of PEP)listed "1. courageous, pro-active�parental leadership (vs.reactive parenting) 2. encourage-ment in action, in all kinds ofsituations�(i.e., in disciplining,setting limits�or re-directingbehaviors as well as in motivatingbehavior)."

• Mary Hughes (FE Section Co-Chair, parent�educator/FamilyLife Field Specialist, working withall stages of the lifespan, and allsorts of parent-types!) offered: "1.mutual respect between familymembers that is put into actionwith family meetings.... 2. the artof encouragement as different frompraise–and the fact that when theparent is encouraged, and knowsthat they are one of the mostinfluential people in the lives oftheir children, the family isresilient and able to thrive duringperiods of change within andwithout the family circle."

• Peggy Geddes (MA Soc Work)said: "I urge parents of youngchildren to teach their children notto compare, compete or measuretheir peers–rather to appreciateeach one as a unique and specialcreation."

• Renie Bahlmann (counselor;encouragement-trainer parents)wrote: "I'd have to say I'd hopethat parents walk awayunderstanding aboutencouragement (or the uselessnessof critique, shaming, naming andblaming) and natural & logicalconsequences."

• Rob Guttenberg (Director,Parenting Education for theBethesda-Chevy Chase (MD)YMCA; family counselor at thisagency and in private practice)told us: "The one phrase that Ihave developed for letting parentsknow that there is a strong needfor parental leadership but thatchildren need leadership from adultswho don't 'need' to be leaders. Thisapplies to parents of all ages."

• Linda J. Page (Toronto: AdlerProfessional Schools Director)wrote: "[I]n my parentingcounseling, classes, and nowcoaching: it's the family meeting orfamily council. I think it is the mostpromising technique yet on theother hand the most challengingone because it demands of parentsthat they utilize democratictechniques that are often sadlybeyond their training or capacity(as we have learned from coachingin businesses and organizations).It's much easier to observe ourchildren not being collaborativeand then correct them. It's quite

another matter to disengage ourown tendencies to want to be rightor tell others what to do, especiallywhen we believe our childrenshould listen to us and do whatthey're told. I believe the familycouncil is the true crucible that canmelt all other parenting techniquesinto gold—if we allow ourselves tobe in it together."

• Terry Lowe (Saskatoon parenteducator) said: "One of the mostimportant principles I emphasizeis mutual respect. Mutual respect iswhat helps to set healthyboundaries in families. Mutualrespect is the baseline fordiscipline. It helps to keepdiscipline firm and friendly.Without mutual respect disciplineoften turns into punishment.Mutual respect underlies our styleof parenting. When we aremutually respectful, we can parentdemocratically. Without mutualrespect we end up becomingautocratic parents (not respectingthe children) or permissive parents(not respecting ourselves). Mutualrespect is paramount for truecommunication, problem solving,and family meetings. It conveysthat I care enough about you toreally listen to you, value whatyou have to say and take that intoaccount. Mutual respect is also abuilding block for encouragement.When I feel respected I also feelvalued as a person; I can feel goodabout who I am and know that Icount. To me, mutual respect laysthe foundation for the parentingtools that we want to convey whenteaching parenting."

From Our Section Meetingin Myrtle BeachMany members, polled at theAnnual Meeting to give briefinput, also named encouragementand the encouragement process asthe most important principle,while some spoke of self-esteem.Many named consequences along

[Many members] also namedencouragement...as the most important

principle, while some spoke of self-esteem.

FAMILY! Fall 2004

NASAP...International Adlerian Leadership Since 1952 11

From the MembershipKey Principle...continued from page 10with encouragement. Here are afew other favorite concepts:

Linda Maier: the concept ofdifferent but equalBeverly Cathcart Ross: solutionsinstead of consequencesMartin Nash: faith in people; thatthey can handle itGeorgine Nash: unconditionalrespect, faith, resiliencyElizabeth Gelfeld: democraticfamily styleMarlene Goldstein: We each haveto change our own behavior.Lynn Blech: the power of empathiclistening and the dangers ofrescuing and pampering, whichare not a service to the child!Patti Cancellier: the discouragementthat comes from rescuingStephanie Brown: the child’sprivate logic vs. realityMichael Popkin: FLAC [whichstands for] Feelings, Limits,Alternatives, ConsequencesCheryl Wieker: the risks ofindulgent parentingJane Nelsen: getting into thechild's worldGary Hughes: respectBecky Lebow: allowing children totake responsibility for their ownhomeworkJackie Cook: parents are not alone.

Want to weigh in? Contact youreditor! EmailParentEd@comcast.net. ■

"PEEP" into statistical evaluation...Join Jody McVittie's exciting research project and document Adlerian parent educationefficacy. Multiply your own effectiveness by sharing your results!

PEEP is the Parent Education Evaluation Project, a collaborative researchproject using a survey specifically developed to measure parent perceivedoutcomes from Adlerian parent education projects. PEEP was conceivedas a result of discussions at FE Section meetings at NASAP conventions.Many NASAP members have contributed ideas and suggestions. SinceNASAP'04, an instrument has been tested and refined, and is now readyfor wider distribution to gather a pool of data.

As parent educators, we often get the "feeling" that parents learn newthings and are able to treat their children more respectfully as a result ofour efforts, but the studies demonstrating this are few, and use smallnumbers and surveys that cannot be easily correlated with the currentdata on what appears to "work" in parenting. We also know that grantfunding increasingly (and reasonably) demands that the tools andmethods used have been shown to be effective.

This collective effort in gathering statistics will hopefully yield over 1000parent response surveys, giving us a good sample size. It is our dream tobe able to publish the results of the study in a peer reviewed journal. If weare successful, many Adlerian parenting groups will be able to take thefirst step toward becoming a "best practices" method.

If you are doing parent education, we invite you to participate! It will bevery exciting to have participation from a wide spectrum of groups usinga variety of Adlerian resources. Feedback from those who have tried thesurvey so far (from Positive Discipline and PEP) is that the parenteducators themselves found the results gratifying. There it is right in frontof you: the parent's own assessment of how the class has influenced them.And behind that are children who gain from lives a little richer in dignityand respect.

Please email me at jmcvittie@att.net for an electronic copy of the survey,the instructions on how to use it (so the data can be used) and the form fortabulating the data. Consult your NASAP membership directory or theCentral Office to request copies by postal mail.

--Jody McVittie

Notes from the Co-Chairs:Jody McVittie's parenting class evaluation research will be featured at ourTucson convention. PEEP's project compiling evaluations at the end of aseries of Adlerian-based parenting classes will provide us all withpowerful statistics. All of this data will capture information about thevalue of parent education to families. We know intuitively that Adlerianparenting makes a difference, but there is so little data out there to provewhat we know, that this will be a big, useful step forward. PEEP shouldhelp us increase eligibility for grant dollars funding quality parenteducation. We urge you to write to Jody and participate in gathering thedata! And, thank you, Jody, for the yeoman effort you are making!!! ■

Warm FuzzyTwenty-five years after leadingparenting classes in my town (andthinking that it was our family thatbenefitted most from that activity),I have had the delightfulexperience lately of being thankedby the fathers of kids whose momswere in my groups so long ago.Who'd'a thought it? Makes myday!--ed ■

The mission of NASAP, the North American Society of Adlerian Psychology, is to foster and promote the research, knowledge, training and application of AdlerianPsychology, maintaining its principles and encouraging its growth. NASAP membership includes educators, psychologists, psychiatrists, counselors, parents, businesspeople, community organizations and other interested people. The Family Education Section applies Adlerian principles to the home. Members are professionals andnonprofessionals dedicated to understanding and improving family relationships between children and adults, with couples, and among individuals.

Next time:An article by YOU!Send us your thoughts, challenges,Dear Addy column, etc. etc. etc.

This is your FAMILY!

Why Join NASAP's Family Education Section?by Linda Jessup, Co-Chair Emerita

Why join NASAP's Family EdSection? A good question, andone to be raised–and re-examined periodically.

As past Co-Chair of the Sectionand new Membership Chair ofNASAP, I� personally believe�there is� tremendous–andgrowing–value in being part ofthe stimulating and oftenexciting exchanges of ideas,research and information wehave going as a Section. I don'tthink the newsletter, conferenceand email communications haveever been livelier or morefrequent!

I see NASAP's Family Ed Sectionas the "professionalorganization" for AdlerianFamily and Parent Educators,putting on conferences and

workshops of interest to me, as aParent Educator, providing�opportunities to grow personallyand professionally, and offeringa forum for presenting my ownideas, experiences and increasingexpertise. The Section alsoprovides me with a voice and avote in internal matters andserves as� an entree for bothcontributing to other Parent andFamily Educators and to theorganization as a whole.

It is no small matter that inNASAP, Family Ed Members

have broader opportunities tomake new friends, network andmeet authorities in� a variety ofAdlerian� fields,� to ask for helpand to contact others withexperience and expertise inspecific areas.� All Adlerians–andthe larger society as well–benefit�from the growing strength of ourParent Educators and FamilyEducation Section� efforts. Howexhilarating it is to me to be aparticipating Member of theFamily Education Section, today,when the world has neverneeded Adlerian ideas andapplications more!

Why are you a Member? Wewould be interested to hear–andpublish–your thoughts aboutmembership in the Section and/or in NASAP in future issues ofFAMILY! ■

NASAP Family Education Section614 W Chocolate AvHershey PA 17033

Phone 717.579.8795Fax 717.533.8616Home Page<www.alfredadler.org>

Meet us inTucson forNASAP '05June 16-18Plan Ahead!

Bonus Pages 13-15! Photos

from Myrtle Beach • NASAP'04

Bonus Pages! Photos fromMyrtle Beach • NASAP'04

Some of the membership of the FE Section caught as the Annual Meeting of the Section concludedPhoto courtesy of Alyson Schafer.

The setting: June 2004, Myrtle Beach on the beach!Make sure you attend next time, too -- and bring the suntan lotion and fishing rods!

Dan Dalton and Edna Nash

Chicago Adlerians - Seated: (l) Bob Powers, Mary Schneider, John Petersen; standing: ?, Rachell Anderson, Roseann Boldt, Tom & Margaret Petersen

Betty Lou Bettner and Wes Wingett

Jon Carlson and Jim Bitter Mary Jamin Maguire and Betty Lou Bettner

Leo Gold (center), the Ansbacher Lecturer, honored by Pres. John Newbauer and Francesca Peckman

Gary McKay instructs

Mary Jamin Maguire leads discussion of FECs in the 21st Century

Linda Jessup, presenter, and Jane Lawther -- with the ocean in the background!

Featured speaker Lew Losoncy surrounded by friends: front, Georgine Nash, Angel Freedman, KathyWalton; back, Kevin & Luana Milanese

Exiting riverboat cruise ship on last night: Becky LaFountain

NASAP officers and Puerto Rican contingent celebrate Mary Alice Lausell's award

Michael Popkin and President John Newbauer enjoy the convention

Shipboard socializers: Richard Kopp and Linda Page

Walton Family - presenters and sponsorsPatti Agatston, Kathleen Walton, Cindy Walton-McCawley, Frank Walton

Shipboard: ?, Lew Losoncy, Riki Intner