Bork-PoLTeRISSUE 106 June 2012 FREE/DONATION

The

C H E E R - L E A D I N G F O R C A P I T A L I S M I N W O R T H I N G

Finally we spell out our REAL position!FOURTEEN and a half years ago welaunched a newsletter in Worthing thattook a critical stance against the Blair gov-ernment that had just come into power.

Under the Lib Dems, Worthing wasalso busy with much the same agenda, sell-ing off our council housing - the first issuewe really got our teeth into.

Campaigns against these two partiesand their agendas gave us a reputation forbeing on the radical end of the politicalspectrum.

Knowing as we did that it was impor-tant to bide our time, we did nothing to dis-pel that illusion.

Ostentatious displays of hostilitytowards wealth-creating businesses, econ-omy-boosting military adventures and theopening up of the NHS to the free marketfurther cemented our apparent political

stance.Frightening though it is, many readers

got in touch to say they agreed with theviews we were putting across.

For national security reasons, we haveobviously been passing on their details tothe relevant authorities so they can be linedup for detention and re-education whennecessary.

The truth, however, is that we neverbelieved a word of any of it.

Over the years, we have been indeedbeen quietly praying for a new politicaldawn in in this country - not that of sub-version and anarchy but of the disciplineand authority of global austerity (for themasses) and global affluence (for us andour sponsors).

Right now, we believe we have a partyin power that will ensure that our dreams

come true.Years of deceit must therefore come to

an end as we spell out, paragraph by para-graph, our true position.

Society, as Saint Margaret of Granthamwisely said, simply does not exist.

Community is not the building block ofhuman existence but a barrier to the totalpenetration of everyday life by the globalbusinesses that pay our wages.

Unless we have the courage to do awaywith so-called ‘environmental concerns’,so-called ‘human rights’ and so-called‘democracy’, we will deprive the world’sdeserving entrepreneurial elite of the unre-stricted wealth and power to which theyare unarguably entitled.

May the New Capitalist Order last fora Thousand Years! (Or until the planet isdestroyed, whichever comes sooner).

HAPPY and glorious - long to reign over us!Yes, that’s the Worthing Conservatives after their recent

heart-warming victory in the local elections.The only downside was the way that True Blue Mary

Harding lost her seat in Northbrook. Mary was a pop-ular local councillor, no more so than when shepromised in public to do everything in her power tohalt the West Durrington development.

It was hardly her fault that she was unable toattend the crucial planning committee meetingand was replaced by a fellow councillor whovoted for the development - and yet it seemsa scurrilous Facebook campaign succeededin costing poor Mary her seat!

Another major downside (apart fromthe irritation of Worthing now having aGreen councillor following the defectionof former Lib Dem James Doyle) was theturnout. In some areas, such as Offington,80% of the electorate did not vote at all.Anyone would think people were totally dis-illusioned with the political system and allthe parties that form part of it!

Surely this is not the case, but just in casethere is a whiff of Unpatriotic mutiny in the air,that nice Mr Cameron has organised a morale-boosting Feelgood Summer for us all, includingEngland’s inevitable triumph in the Euros, theincreasingly popular and value-for-money Olympicsand, of course, Her Majesty the Queen’s JubileeCelebrations And Associated MerchandisingOpportunities.

On this score, the Borkpolter and our close friends inthe Conservative Party, the Rotary Club, Worthing Town

Centre Initiative, Sussex Police and the Freemasons,along with our corporate partners GlaxoSmithKline,

have teamed up to lay on a JubileeJamboree on the Prom!

There’ll be no end of fun,with a Guess the MPs’

Expenses Competition, aMaggie Thatcher look-

alike contest, Iain DS’sKick-A-Cripple stall, hourly

displays of SynchronisedScapegoating from the

Broadwater Bigots Brigade, aFly-Past from the Heroes of theIsraeli Air Force (sponsored byBarclays Bank), a pasty raffle inaid of the Rupert Murdoch

Fighting Fund and the crazy Stuffa Union Jack Up the Rear End of a

Tory Fat Cat competition!!!There’ll also be a chance to make a

young person in your life very happy!Thanks to the Workfare stall from Job

Centre Plus, lucky youngsters will bewhisked away to experience a seemingly

impossible dream come true - they will get a jobat a leading local supermarket. Even better, they

won’t have the inconvenience of having to decidehow to spend their wages, as there aren’t any! And

after they’ve finished their fun placement, it’ll besomeone else’s turn to ensure that the retail industrydoesn’t waste any of its profits on paying its staff.

See you all there folks! And whatever you do,don’t go to Brighton! (see overleaf)

Long to reign over us![Note to conspiracy theorists - there is absolutely NO coded message concealed in the above article, you deluded fools]

£

Bork-itchings

Wewill bork at nothing

PublishedandprintedbyThePorkbolter,POBox4144,WorthingBN147NZ.Nomistakin’thatthisissueisentirelyupsidedown.

THE BORKPOLTER is a totally non-independent newsletter pro-duced by sinister vested interests with the aim of warping the mindsof ordinary Worthing folk. To get the next six issues through the postsend a donation of £4.50 or more (sorry - the price of stamps justwent up!) payable to The Porkbolter (sic!) at PO Box 4144, WorthingBN14 7NZ. You can also pick up a copy at ‘Green’ at 63 VictoriaRoad, Worthing (nr station), read it at www.eco-action.org/pork-bolter or subscribe free via email - porkbolter@eco-action.org

www.eco-action.org/porkbolter porkbolter@eco-action.org

WE ARE jolly pleased to see that fracking has been given the go-ahead by the government’s totally independent and unbiased advi-sors. We can’t imagine why anyone would think there could be prob-lem with pumping chemical-laced water into the ground in a des-perate bid to extract more gas and oil to keep the machineries ofindustrialisation turning! As well as being good news for theEconomy, this will have spin-off benefits for the Worthing Herald,who will have loads more stories of local people battling cancer toput on their front page. Everyone’s a winner under capitalism!

Academy’s moral High groundWHAT tremendous news that Worthing High School maybecome an Academy!

Justice dictates those with the most wealth should have the mostsay over the way our children are brought up. And Academy statusfor this secondary school would be an important step towards a soci-ety run by and for the business men and women who have made the21st century the success it is - with dinosaur notions of fair pay forstaff or community involvement thrown once and for all into thedustbin of history where they belong.

We even hear Davison and St Andrew’s secondary schools mayteam up to form another Academy in town - great stuff!

Unfortunately, there is a fly in the ointment in the shape of theusual anti-business terrorists. Staff at Worthing High inexplicablyvoted against academy status in a ballot conducted by their union -with 94% against or undecided, and just 6% in favour. And cam-paigners held a public meeting in May and set up a webpage athttp://www.facebook.com/WHSAgainstAcademy

Troublemakers have long resisted the inevitable triumph ofsound Business Principles over useless woolly ideas such as bal-anced education, love of learning, ethics, truth etc etc, yawn yawn.

Back in Yule 2007 we cleverly satirised this absurd attitude, writ-ing of the Worthing High bid for ‘Trust’ status: “The move wouldgive influence over the secondary school in South Farm Road to anunaccountable mafia of businessmen with their own barely con-cealed agenda. Rather than receiving a broad education for life, inkeeping with the time-honoured ethos of learning, youngsters wouldbe increasingly trained up as compliant labour units for corporationsand brainwashed with neo-Thatcherite ‘enterprise’ ideology.”

Nonsense, of course, and the true nature of Worthing High’scommitment to the edu-entrepreneurial experiment is epitomised bychairman of governors Tony Cohen. He is such a Great Man that theschool’s website reveals he was given a Special Award by RhysPrice, Director of Enterprise at the school (who needs teachers whenyou have one of them on the payroll?) for providing lucky studentswith a seven-week Financial Literacy course and being one of the

The road to prosperityWHAT a stupid idea to reduce speed limits in Worthing to 20mph! Infact, in the interests of Economic Growth there clearly should be nospeed limits at all! And as for people who claim that their childrencould be killed by motorists traversing town at 55mph, maybe theyshould work a little harder and pay for a limousine to drive themaround out of danger, like decent wealth-creating parents. We arealso very much in favour of new A27 bypasses in Arundel andWorthing - ideally a new motorway could go across the top ofCissbury Ring, with the iron age hill fort being converted into anarchaeologically-themed Service Station and Drive-Thru Fast FoodRestaurant. Jobs would be created and, in case you need reminding,that is an argument that can never be trumped.

key architects in the setting up of the national BAF (Business,Administration and Finance) Diploma.

Mr Cohen is director of Nsure in Worthing and if there was anyjustice in the world his firm would benefit from lucrative contractsfrom the future Academy. But then we would never know about it,as tiresome so-called accountability is happily not a feature ofthe Academy arrangement.� Also, well done to Worthing High for continuing to host the activ-ities of the town’s Jubilee Church, who have made such a Christiancontribution to happiness and tolerance in the area by telling womenseeking abortions at a Brighton clinic that they are murderers(including at least one who was pregnant through rape).

No fracking problem

WE WERE shocked to see that a fine local employer in Worthinghas got a raw deal from Nice, the National Institute for Health andClinic Excellence. This anti-business body decided for no good rea-son that the NHS should not pay £60,000 a year per patient onGlaxoSmithKline’s branded drug Benlysta when there were cheapertreatments available for the lupus condition. With that sort of atti-tude how do they expect GSK to keep making £8.2 billion a yearprofit as it did in 2011? How is underpaid boss Sir Andrew Wittyexpected to scrape by on a salary of £10.4m? (Guardian, March 12)

* * *HOPEFULLY it will not be too late by the time you read this to warnyou off attending a couple of appalling-sounding events in Brightonover the Jubilee weekend. These appear to be organised by personsactually opposed to two great pillars of British Civilisation -Austerity and the Arms-Manufacturing Industry. At 12 noon onSaturday June 2 supporters of Brighton Uncut (brightonuncut.word-press.com) are meeting at the Clock Tower for a Street Party and atthe same hour and roughly the same place (near Barclays) onMonday June 4 anti-war protesters (smashedo.org.uk) will be gath-ering to march to Hove Town Hall. Disgraceful!

* * *WHAT a lot of fuss about Worthing’s marvellous £17.9m new poolnot having disabled facilities (Worthing Herald, March 15). As ourfellow Conservative Iain Duncan Smith, Work and PensionsSecretary, rightly said, they should report to the Workhouse forproper jobs and stop sitting (or floating!) around wasting their timeas part of the idle underclass that is bringing this country to its knees(credit to our chum Ian Hart for hammering this point home in hisinspiring and intelligent Worthing Herald columns!).

* * *WE were disappointed to see that anti-aircraft missiles are beinginstalled on rooftops in London in time for the Olympics. Whatabout Worthing? The Conservative Association in Union Place isrenowned throughout the world as a Bastion of Democracy and issurely high on the target list of the Global Terrorists who threaten usall (though also, happily, serve a useful purpose in justifying a mas-sive never-ending transfer of tax-payers’ money to the deservingarmaments and security industries! Funny old world!)

* * *WHO could not feel sorry for Conservative candidate Vic Walker,who stuck his hand in a Worthing letterbox only to have it bitten bya Tory-hating dog! (Worthing Herald, April 19). Poor Vic felt quitefaint and had to sit down for a while but mercifully his finger did notneed amputating. Or even a single stitch. A truly harrowing tale.

Conformity on curriculumWE WERE appalled to hear that pupils at Chatsmore High School inWorthing walked out of lessons in protest at two “brilliant” teachersbeing made redundant (Worthing Herald, March 29). The last thingwe need is young people thinking for themselves. The sooner theyare attending Compulsory Corporate Conformity classes in a newNsure Business Academy the better, if you ask us.