charisma notes

7/24/2019 Charisma Notes

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Charisma Myth

Summary

DowntalkReduce how quickly and how often you nodPause for two full seconds before you speak.

PresencePresence is the real core component of charisma, the foundation upon which all else is built.

Be present by:

Focussing on your breath and toes for a split second to come back to reality. If distracted, move toes

to become present.

Confident posture: occupy large space, wide stance, eye contact around the pupils

Power

"Fight or ight?" is the power question.

Obstacles to Charisma

Be in a comfortably physical position. If you cannot avoid, be polarizing and state it to the

person.

Be comfortable with uncertainty, if concerned about uncertainty, transfer the concern to a

higher power such as fate or entropy.

se positive evaluation rather than negative evaluation

!elf criticism, should be avoided. "reat it as #ust graffiti and transfer it to a higher power

such as entropy.

$void shame by remembering how interesting a person I am and how it is a normal emotion

that everybody feels at some point. %e are humans and we adapt.

%hen thinking negatively, it is your brain playing tricks and giving you a distorted view of

reality as it can also omit positive thoughts. &on't assume thoughts are accurate, call it '"he!hit', depersonalize it as not you, realize you will survive the situation because the worst

case scenario is not as bad as having your head chopped off. "hink of all the times you've

survived that feeling.

Be comfortable with discomfort by breaking social customs: Hold eye contactlonger, experiment with personal space, stand with your back to the

eleator door, and strike up conersations with strangers.

Mental State

Close eyes and imagine a time when you felt in (od )ode, what you were feeling, what washappening around, what did the triumph feel like.

&evelop go to visualizations:(ym * "ough )udder

+scalation at (ame *Imagine a - second passionate hug

Build compassion understand how they feel, imagine their past and present and put

yourself in their shoes


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!elf compassion remember the things that you care for yourself. "hink of a time whenyou performed a good deed. !hen think of one being who could hae great a"ection foryou. #eel them giing you complete forgieness and wholehearted acceptance. $ith allyour imperfections, you are perfect.

%usic before a high pressure scenario

&et into &od mode before an important situation 'R better start the day o" in &od

%ode

Charisma Styles

#ocus charisma requires presence. People feel that you are fully present and with them,

listening to them, absorbing what they say, and understanding them.

(t has two risks: (f you display too little power, then you appear too eager or

subserient. )nd if you show too little warmth, your interaction may feel like an

interiew or interrogation.

*isionary charisma requires pro+ecting complete coniction and condence in a cause.

!hey may not be warm people, but they feel passionately about their ision.

People accept whateer you pro+ect, so if you seem inspired, they will assume you

hae something to be inspired about.

-indness charisma is based on warmth. (t connects with peoples hearts so they feel

welcomed, cherished, and completely accepted.

(t has the risk of making you seem oereager to please, and it can lead to adulation

and potential oer/attachment.

)uthority charisma is based on perception of power. $e ealuate it through body

language, appearance, title, and the reaction of others.

0ut without emanating warmth, it can inhibit critical thinking in others, suppress

important feedback, and can easily make you appear arrogant.

!o decide which elements of charisma to bring out, you must assess whats best suited to your

personality, your goals, and the situation.

Small Talk

1se the bounce back technique to keep the spotlight on them: )nswer the question with

a fact, add a personal note, and then redirect the question to them.

!o exit a conersation with grace, o"er something of alue: information they might nd

useful, a connection or introduction, an organi2ation you belong to, or an award you

think they should be nominated for.

3eer downplay a compliment, accept it, let it show on face and thanks.

)oid, 43o problem5 and 4Dont worry5. People will associate, problem and worry.(nstead use 4well take care of that5, 4thats straightforward enough5


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1se down/talk and breath through nose.

-eep 6 second eye contact with person before leaing

!o increase poise, aoid nodding more than once, excessie erbal reassurance, and

restlessness or dgeting.

Di7cult situations

!he most e"ectie and credible compliments are personal and specic. $hen you show people

how theye impacted you, they feel that in a sense theye made you.

Reminding people that they chose you, your company, your serice, or your suggestion is one

of the best ways to maintain their support for you or your idea.

!o truly depersonali2e criticism, dont mention their actions at all, and +ust explain whats going

on for you: 8$hen ( dont see a nished presentation until the last minute, ( feel anxious.8

$hen deliering critical feedback, start on a positie note. !hen tell them what you want to see

from them, as opposed to what you dont want to see. Depersonali2e the behaior change.

(f you sense defensieness, dial up your warmth. %ention something theye done well in the

past. Display on your face a state of goodwill, and let their mirror neurons replicate the

emotions they see in you.

9nd critical feedback with next steps, appreciation of how well they took your feedback,

and anything that both of you can look forward to in the future.

$hen you apologi2e in person, you hae the greatest number of tools at your disposal:

body language, facial expressions, ocal tone, and choice of words.

$hen apologi2ing, rst hear them out without rebutting and fully understand. !hen say

youre sorry with thoughtfulness and concern. how that you understand the

consequences, and steps to ensure it wont happen again.

'n the phone, communicate presence. 1se the same body language you would use in

person. )nswer the phone crisply and professionally, and then after you hear who is

calling, let warmth and enthusiasm emanate.

Presenting with ;harisma

$hen presenting, select the single most important idea and present it crystal clear, in one

sentence. (t should hae three supporting points, because we think in triads.

9ach point should open with stories, metaphors, analogies, numbers, and statistics that

your audience can relate to. ;lose with a clear point or a transition to the step you want

the audience to take.

)udiences remember beginnings and endings, so dont end with a et the

audience ask questions during the presentation? this increases their participation and

energy leel.

$hen crafting your sentences, use the word you as often as possible, create sensory/

rich graphics, beware negations, and keep them short.


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)oid irritants, or sounds or moements that do not add to your message. 9ery one of

them is a form of communication that demands a portion of your audiences attention.

!o pro+ect power and own the stage, adopt a wide stance, practice without a podium or

lectern, and nd the right olume to pro+ect condence.

!o pro+ect warmth, speak as if you were sharing a secret, and gie one or two seconds

of eye contact per person as you roam the stage.

Pause frequently and deliberately. Hae the condence to make your listeners wait for

your words. )lso pause for three seconds after you rst walk on stage, while sweeping

your eyes across the audience.

(f you make a mistake, tell yourself that moguls and entertainers do this to make

themseles more relatable. De/stigmati2e and de/dramati2e.

%ake a speech all about your audience. !his takes the focus o" yourself, lifts your self/

consciousness, and puts you into a state of goodwill.

%armth8#riend or foe@8 is the warmth question.

Be genuinely interested and attracted to the person

&o not assume what the person is feeling about you, discuss the possibilities and choose the onethat gets you in a good mood.

Be empathetic

Communication

/erbal:

/erbal first impression: +levator pitch. !hort, snappy and no unnecessary chatter0. "ell me about yourself1

. %hat did you do last weekend12. %hat do you have planned this weekend1

3. 4ow do you know the person introduced to me1

5. %hat brought you here16. 7assions

8. 9ob

!low speech down slightly.

+mulate 9ay eno.

7ositive spin on a negative aspect of a story

7rinciple 5: !ay something specific, detailed, graphic and descriptive


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7rinciple 6: Ice break with superficial commonality

"opics for )en:

%omen

!ports%ork

Business

Cars(ym

"opics for %omen to %omen:

$ppearance4air

Clothing

;ecent eventsFood

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