DECEMBER2018 “

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generally like to focus on the positive things one can do Iin the midst of grief, such as self-care, permitting others to comfort you by allowing them to take unnecessary

burdens, and letting yourself be a little selfish. However, something that may not always be so obvious on the journey through grieving is that major decisions should likely be put on hold.

Death, grief and funerals can sometimes bring out a certain desperation in our attitudes not to waste any more time. Life is indeed shorter than we realize until we are forced to stop and examine it. This can be a life-changing observation, though still observed and adhered to after safely weighing any major decisions. If you are dead set on

The same thing can be said for throwing in the towel on any relationship or marriage. You have likely worked hard at maintaining this connection. If you’re considering ending a long-term relationship, the option will still be there after you’ve dealt with your grief, however, the option to rekindle the relationship after you’ve ended things may not be. Your relationship with the deceased has naturally come to a halt in their death. Now may not be the best time to put a halt to a relationship with a significant other any anyone else for that matter.

The decision to move, either out of state or even from your home, to change jobs, separate or divorce- any key life path, should wait until you’re in a place that isn’t so emotionally charged. If for instance, you cared for a loved one in your home, or they died there suddenly, you may have a desire to no longer see the place where they died. It may now be associated with their death, no matter how long you previously held the residence. If you find it helpful to stay with someone else temporarily, that is understandable. That may be a better alternative than making a hasty decision, such as selling your home for less than it’s worth or moving far away from everything you find familiar. The stress of moving holds a tensionentirely in and of itself and adding that to the pressure of having recently lost someone may be far too much change at one time.

If a career change is now something you’re considering, the new career path will still be there after you’ve had time to

process your situation. Even if you had already been thinking about changing jobs, now is not the best time to move this to the front burner. In the midst of grief, you may not give much credence to the work you’ve put into your career. Tossing your seniority out the window may seem like nothing in comparison to what you are feeling, but try to keep in mind, that one day the dust will settle, and you will likely have to live with the life long decisions you’re making now.

Did I offer peace today? Did I bring a smile to someone’s face? Did I say words of healing?

— Henri Nouwen

turning the pages through grief

continued...

by Paulette LeBlanc

Not What

To Do

“Providing Comfort To Families”www.familyfuneralhome.net

Mandy Luikens & Tiffany A. HoferOwners/Funeral Directors

Highmore, SD ● 605-852-2432 Miller, SD ● 605-853-3127Gettysburg, SD ● 605-765-9637 Faulkton, SD ● 605-598-4141

Eagle Butte, SD ● 605-964-3614

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* * *The purpose of this newsletter is to share thoughts and insights from a variety of

sources on how to live richly and meaningfully through all of life’s chapters.Created and owned by Madsen Ink, Co. • Copyright 2018

chaptersnewsletter@comcast.net

making major changes to your life in the midst of grief, or if some change simply cannot be avoided, at least consult someone you can rely on who is not going through this grief alongside you. Someone else may have an answer you weren’t expecting, without the pressure grief adds to any major decision-making.

Though it may feel as though you’ve lost some control, and indeed you may have, attempting to turn into a skid rather than overcorrecting, is usually best. This is not the time to uproot your life, as it has been uprooted enough for now.

Most importantly, remember to be kind to yourself through this season.

turning the pages through grief

Paulette LeBlanc, who is trained in family counseling, is a published author, editor and freelance writer, who currently resides on the Gulf Coast of Florida.

...attempting to turn into a skid rather than overcorrecting,

is usually best

Seek support from professionals. All around us are people who are willing and specially trained to help. Funeral directors, clergy, and school counselors can be of invaluable assistance and can point you to mental health professionals in the community.

Label and list the losses. Give a name to every loss you have experienced as a result of this death and put it on a list. Naming and listing the losses can actually restore some order to the free-floating anxiety loss produces.

Sometimes, it is difficult to know which loss one is actually grieving. The easy answer: all of them. So how do we manage the many losses that grow out of a loved one’s death? Here are some tactics you may want to try.

Get input from experts. Reach out to trusted advisors who can help you make plans for the future. A banker can recommend financial professionals to help you budget and plan for the future. Social workers and program administrators at senior centers and other community agencies can help you think about practical steps to manage the losses that have grown out of your loved one’s death.

Dealing with a loved one’s death is difficult enough. Make sure you make a plan and get help implementing that plan as you also work to manage the “stacked” losses that so often accompany a loved one’s death.

As difficult as the experience is of saying goodbye to a loved one, the accompanying losses are often devastatingly difficult. To the people

experiencing these losses, however, they are just additional bad experiences stacked up on top of the loss already encountered—and they hurt.

Prioritize your actions. Not everything that needs to be done must be done today. Using the ideas you gained from your discussions with experts and your own knowledge, begin deciding which projects to tackle first. Seek to take one positive step each day.

Progressing Through Grief: Guided Exercises to Understand Your Emotions and Recover from Lossby Stephanie Jose

—Amazon Book Review

“From the clinical perspective of a licensed mental health counselor...some of the questions we are often asked include ‘Is this normal?’ or ‘Am I going crazy?’ Progressing Through Grief answers these universal questions and others, and illustrates how personal and unique each person’s experience is with loss.”—Cécile Rêve, LMHC and Co-founder of ARTrelief, an expressive arts therapy centerGrieving is a highly personal experience and reactions differ from person to person. Feelings of loss are arguably the most unique, confusing feelings with which to cope. Therapist and grief expert, Stephanie Jose, understands this. She wrote Progressing Through Grief as an interactive resource to gently meet you wherever you are today, as you move through your grief and towards healing. Stephanie has spent countless hours working with grieving clients, and she saw the need for a resource that would address the various feelings of grief that occur at any stage of the process.

The Problem of “Stacked” Losses

footnotes* by Bill Hoy

* Dr. Bill Hoy teaches at Baylor University in Waco, Texas. He is widely regarded as an authority on the sociocultural history of funeral rites, the topic of his most recent book: Do Funerals Matter: The Purposes and Practices of Death Rituals in Global Perspective (Routledge, 2013).

“Weigh all of our options, and check theircholesterol just to be sure.”

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