Parenting Skills

Chapter 3.2

Children’s Needs Parenting Skills do not always come naturally. Parenting is a learning process that takes time and occurs daily.

Parents must work to develop the skills required to meet their children’s needs, guide their children's

behavior, and help children develop positive relationships.

Children’s needs can be grouped into three categories:

1. Physical Needs: include food, shelter, and clothing

2. Emotional and Social Needs: making sure child feels safe, loved, and cared for.

3. Intellectual Needs: All children need stimulation and the opportunity to learn about the world and become educated.

Deprivation: is the lack of the critical needs and encouraging environment that are essential for physical, emotional, and intellectual well-being.

Most important and obvious task of parenting◦ Must provide nourishing meals◦ Clothing

Do not need to expensive or the latest styles

In addition, children should have a safe, clean place to call home.

Parents are responsible for the health and safety of their children. ◦ Regular check-ups, etc◦ Car seat safety◦ Toy Safety, etc.

Physical Needs

A major goal of parents is to raise children who will become happy, independent adults who can support themselves.

To become independent , children learn how to function in the world and get along with others.

How to handle different social situations.◦ Showing respect for people in authority◦ Having sympathy for someone

Children learn how to be caring from examples their parents set.

Emotional and Social Needs

Nurturing children means giving them plenty of love, support, concern, and opportunities for enrichment.

Parents can show children love and support in many different ways. ◦ Unfortunately, some parents find it hard to how

affection for their children. Embarrassment, making them “soft”

Nurture Children

Some parents become overprotective, over attentive, or both. ◦ They give the child too much attention, too many

toys, or too many treats. ◦ Many try to shield their child from unpleasant

experiences.

Children learn from trial and error.◦ They need to make mistakes in order to learn

from them. ◦ They must learn to cope with life's ups and

downs.

Show Restraint

Children begin learning at birth. ◦ Researchers have found that with stimulation, the brain

undergoes tremendous growth in the first years.

Learning Through the SENSES◦ Touching, Tasting, Hearing, Looking

Environment around them should be filled with interesting sounds, smells, sights, and textures.

Learning Through READING◦ Learning to read and enjoy books is key to intellectual

development Readers voice; eventually enjoy pictures and stories

Learning Through EXPLORATION ◦ Everyday objects and experiences with nurturing adults

provide great opportunity for learning

Intellectual Needs

Parenting StylesA parenting style is how parents and other caregivers care and discipline children.

There are three main styles of parenting:◦ Authoritarian: believed children should obey their parents

without question. The parent tells a child what to do, and the child’s responsibility to do it. When rules are broken, parent responds quickly and firmly.

◦ Assesertive-Democractic: children have more input into the rules and limits in the home. Learning to take responsibility is important, so children are given a certain amount of independence.

◦ Permissive: parents give children a wide range of freedom. Children with permissive parents may set their own rules. They are encouraged to think for themselves. Permissive parents ignore rule breaking

Parents may alter their parenting style at different times through development; depending on different situations.

Types of Parenting Styles

Guidance: means using firmness and understanding to help children learn how to behave.◦ Children learn self-discipline with effective guidance ◦ Learn to get along with others◦ Handle their emotions/feelings ◦ Promotes security and self-esteem

Self-Discipline: is the ability to control one’s own behavior.

Conscience: is an inner sense of what is right.◦ As children mature, they use their conscience to decide

how to act in different situations.

Understand Guidance

Parents can successfully guide their children in three basic ways. ◦ 1. Be a Positive Role Model◦ 2. Set limits and redirect a child’s behavior◦ 3. Positive Reinforcement

Be A Role Model◦ Children are great imitators ◦ Learn best by being shown what TO DO◦ Constantly watch those around them ◦ Actions speak louder than words

Parents and caregivers often need to tell children what to do. These tips can help children understand and follow directions. ◦ Be sure you have the child’s attention ◦ Be Polite◦ Use Positive Statements

“Please walk” rather than, “Don’t Run”◦ Use specific words that the child can understand◦ Begin with an action verb

“Pick up your socks”◦ Give limited number of actions at a time◦ Be Clear◦ Give Praise and Love

Give Effective Direction

Children need limits to grow into responsible adults

When setting limits, parents and caregivers should follow this general guideline:◦ Limits should keep children from hurting themselves,

other people, or property.

Children will respect and follow guidelines if they are reasonable. ◦ Does the limit allow the child to learn, grow, and explore?◦ Is the limit fair and appropriate for the child’s age?◦ Does the limit benefit the child, or is it just for the adults

convenience?

Set Limits

Positive Reinforcement is a response that encourages a particular behavior. ◦ When children learn that an action wins attention and

approval they are more likely to repeat that action. Follow these guidelines:

◦ Be Specific◦ Common on the behavior as soon as it happens◦ Recognize small steps◦ Help children take pride in their actions◦ Tailor the encouragement to the needs of the child◦ Use positive reinforcement wisely

If they are praised for everything… it no longer motivates them.

Provide Positive Reinforcement

No matter how good your parenting skills are, children are always going to misbehave. ◦ The child’s age should shape the adults response.

Here are some questions to consider before deciding how to respond to inappropriate behavior. ◦ Is the expected behavior appropriate, given the

childs age and development?◦ Does the child understand that the behavior was

wrong?◦ Did the child do the behavior knowingly and

deliberately, or was it beyond the child’s control?

Deal with Inappropriate Behavior

With children of any age, at times misbehavior is unintentional. ◦ A young child may drop a glass of milk that is to

heavy.

Misbehavior is also unintentional if they child had no way of knowing it was wrong.

◦ Social situations, etc. ◦ Flower in a park example

Unintentional Misbehavior

Punishment can help remind children that correct behavior is important.

It teaches them that there are consequences for poor choices.

When using punishment, parents should show they disapprove of the behavior but that they still love the child. ◦ Avoid blame or criticism.

Mistakes vs. Intention

Effective Punishment

Negative Reinforcement is a response aimed at strengthening desired behavior by removing an unpleasant trigger. ◦ Several different methods can be used:

1. Natural Consequences 2. Logical Consequences 3. Loss of Privileges 4. Time-outs

When deciding which method to use, the parent needs to know which is effective for their child. ◦ Not every child is the same and will react the same way.

Negative Reinforcement

Children suffer from the actual result of their action. ◦ Example:

Kwan loses his new jacket. Using natural consequences, his parent do not replace it and he has to wear his old jacket.

◦ When natural consequences occur, a parent does not lecture. Children who are rescued from their choices will

expect to be saved whenever they make poor choices.

Natural Consequences

Parents often choose logical consequences when natural consequences are inappropriate. ◦ Example

Katy colored on the table with crayons. Natural consequence (mom was more bothered than

Katy) Logical Consequence: took crayons away for a day

◦ When choosing this, parents need to know they have to follow through.

Logical Consequences

This type of punishment is most effective for children ages 5 and up. ◦ Works best if the item taken away is related to the

misbehavior.

Loss of Privilege

A time-out is a short period of time in which a child sits away from other people and the center of activity. ◦ Purpose: giving the child a change to calm down

and regain self-control ◦ Emotions are running high and the child simply

needs a break

Time-Out

Bribing◦ Backfire- teaches children to expect rewards

Making children promise to behave◦ May be forced to lie rather than reporting a bad behavior

Shouting of Yelling◦ Tune out, etc

Shaming or Belittling◦ Worthless feeling

Threatening to withhold love◦ Children take this seriously

Exaggerating consequences ◦ Frighten children

Poor Disciplinary Measures

Being consistent is the key to guiding children’s behavior. ◦ Consistency is a matter of clearly making rules

and applying them the same every time. Children know what is expected of them Especially important for both parents to be on the

same page Even in divorces, etc.

◦ Lose trust and confidence if inconsistent

Consistency in Guidance